Original subtitles

I'm Josh Stevenson, and you may also know me as Josh Moore, and I am here for

you.

Good morning.

Good morning.

It's time to wake up.

Time to wake up.

Good morning. Oh, he's a good girl.

Yeah, Mom.

Wake up time.

I'm from a very small town in Dover.

It's a seaside town. I love the sea and I was a swimmer and a rower.

Did a lot of sports.

My childhood was pretty nice and pretty quaint.

I was a happy kid up until, like, secondary school, you know?

I think when you're struggling with, like, knowing that you're a little bit

different and you've got some things to hide, it's difficult living kind of

a double life, you know?

You have the life that's inside you and then the life that you portray on the

outside.

So I guess you could say I've been an actor since I was very young.

I have two sisters and one brother, and they were all in the armed forces.

My dad was in the Navy when he was younger, so he pushed us all to go in

forces when we, you know.

He was really hard on me and my brother. I think he's from a generation of

heterosexual men that were so repressed emotionally by their parents or

society in general.

They just were never allowed to show any weakness or emotion as a man.

And I think that just made him a very kind of bitter person.

It was not fun to be around. I didn't feel comfortable at home.

When I got a bit older into my teenage years, my anxiety like really did

manifest. And I think it's because of, you know, I didn't really feel...

comfortable or safe anywhere I went to

have some cognitive behavior therapy when I was 19 and that helped me a lot

then I moved to Brighton with my first boyfriend and

I was thrown right in at the deep end you know I got a job in a gay bar which

probably the most social kind of place

you can be in i remember going on the interview and they're showing me around

the bar as the manager is like pointing up here saying this is that and this is

that i turn around and i'm like throwing up in a bin it was like exposure

therapy you know when i came out of school i

genuinely had this dread and this fear that i was

just never going to amount to anything, you know, because that's kind of, you

know, that's kind of what you're told at school.

If you don't get these grades, you're never going to amount to anything. If

don't pass your exam, you're never going to amount to anything.

And I didn't. So I was just one of those guys. I just assumed, well, I'm never

going to amount to anything.

When I turned 30, I was diagnosed with ADHD and then so much, made sense

because so much of my behaviors so much of the things that i do um made

sense and you know and i also got diagnosed with borderline personality

and those that combined with adhd they have a lot

of the same symptoms and they have a lot of crossover but they also do have some

very distinctive like separate um symptoms so

As well as having ADHD, I think my main, the main thing that ADHD does

to me, when you're a kid, it manifests more in a hyperactive way. And, you

you're very physically, like, unstimulated, or

overstimulated, sorry.

But when you're an adult and you haven't dealt with any of that, it... manifests

inside your head so you're overstimulated in your brain rather than

physical body so my brain's running at 10 million miles an hour all the time

it can get so um overwhelming that it paralyzes me basically so

i if i have tasks to do in the day i my

biggest symptom is task paralysis so i will lay on the sofa

I'll be so frustrated and angry because I can't even get up and do anything

because everything that I need to do in my head is so...

It just seems impossible for some reason.

My body, I have to keep it going so I can do my job.

There's a lot of pressure for me to be perfect.

I am a horny person.

I had had sex with probably about five guys and three girls at school, very

young, trying to prove that I wasn't gay.

I remember being like 14 years old.

We were at school and they asked us what we wanted to do for a living when we

graduated school and I said I want to be an underwear model or a porn star.

Like that.

Porn taught me everything because, you know, when we were at school, sex

education was literally about reproduction.

So it was about a man, a woman reproducing. There was no sexual

anything like that. They didn't teach you anything. And especially, like,

they're not going to teach you about having gay sex.

So when I first got into porn, the studio said to me,

they was like, oh, make sure you bring a douche.

And I was thinking, what the fuck is a douche?

I was like, I've never heard of that before.

And they were like, oh, yeah, and we need to make sure you're on prep.

And I was like, what the fuck is that?

I went on Amazon and back in 10 years ago, Amazon wasn't really who stocked up

with different douching methods or whatever. So I ordered what I thought

this douche.

And it was basically like an IV drip.

So it was like this bag that you hang up on the shower curtain. You fill it with

water and it has the tube coming down and a little like faucet at the bottom.

And so I'm in Greece. It's my first ever shoot. And they're like, you need to go

douche for your scene. And I'm like, oh, my God, I've never done this in my

life. I don't know how to do this.

So I'm in the bathroom trying to use this contraption.

And it's not working. There's no water going up there. And I've got this thing

hung on the shower curtain.

And then Adam Killian, the Adam Killian, who I'd been jerking off over since I

was like 12 years old. And now I'm a 20 year old and I'm filming with him. And

it was just like crazy moment.

He just walked into the bathroom because I forgot to lock it. And he goes, what

the fuck are you doing? And I was like, I was like, I'm just switching from my

scene. And he was like, oh, honey, that's not how you douche.

And I was like, what?

And he was like, let me show you. And it was just such a funny moment because he

was already douche for the scene. So he literally got in the shower.

He got the shower hose and he just, you know, shoved it up his ass.

And they said, one, two, three, and then take it out. And then went on the

toilet and squirted it all out. And then he was like, that's how you douche.

I'll see you in five.

And I was like, I was so embarrassed. You couldn't even imagine. I was like

totally red. I was like, Oh my God. Like my porn crush for years has just come

in and had to show me how to do.

Um, but you know, I think it's a very sweet moment and it's one of my best

stories kind of in porn. I love it.

Obsession.

I moved all over the place. I lived in L .A., I lived in Holland, I lived all

around England.

Then London, never on the cards for me. I always said, I don't want to live in

London. Too big of a city, scary, absolutely not.

But my best friend, Ruby, she lived in London and I

just was like, I need a change.

I was in a small town and it was very depressing for me because...

I had a lot of friends, obviously, all my girlfriends at home, but obviously

they all had full -time jobs. I, you know, was a porn actor. I would do some

work and then I'd be home for a month or two months or three weeks and then I'd

go and do another job. So for me it was very lonely living on my own and I got

into a really big depression, probably one of the worst in my life.

just knew like it was like and i needed to do something or like just

to save my life like i needed to change my life because it was just i was it was

unbearable at that point

was so excited to start my new life in london and basically a month later covid

hit and we were stuck in our homes for i don't know how long over a year or

something it was very difficult to kind of make friends and stuff because you

couldn't you couldn't do anything

When we were starting to be allowed to go outside again, one of my

friends recommended me this gay rugby team, and it was a

game -changer for me. It was a lifesaver.

Rugby made me feel like at home, you know? It made me

feel a community. It made me feel needed. It made me feel like I had some

sort of purpose.

It gave me the drive to kind of come out of my shell a bit more.

And I've made some of my best friends in London. And we've been best friends

for like four years now.

They're just generally wonderful guys.

Josh

has

many values of what he brings to playing rugby.

He's a very confident person. I know my team sometimes say he's quite quiet, but

he's actually really confident. He's very loud and he's a very engaging team

player. And everybody knows when he's on the pitch and he contributes all the

time. He's a valuable player.

Might not always catch the ball when he needs to, but we would not be without

him.

The coach, Eric, he wants to create a team that will go to nationals. So we're

doing trials for that at some point this year. And then that team will go on

to try and compete in the nationals.

So, fingers crossed.

I think the team was just come on amazingly.

I mean, the first Intertouch League we came, I mean, that was before you came.

Yeah. We came last every time. Like, the bottom of every league.

And then, I think when you got involved, we got around middle. Middle. And

you're here now, like, second.

Yeah. I mean, beating in the final.

Ready HD. I'm like, I need to literally do it like a hundred times before it

goes anywhere into my brain. I think that's... I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

think... A lot of the guys adapted well today as well, didn't they? Yeah. The

level from where we were to where we are now is, I mean, it's like a galaxy

apart, but ultimately we're getting ready for this national touch series,

you know, hopefully you guys will be involved with. Obviously you'll be

Yeah. Which will be great. But how did you think today's session went for you

and for the guys? It's good. I think, like, just repeating it over and over

again is what drills it into your head.

I love how I come over and fall over in the first place. Great job today, mate.

Thank you. Well done, buddy. Yeah, nice of you.

Take care. Take care, buddy.

When

we

all came into the team, we're all gay guys, so we all kind of...

had a little bit of a thing with each other but now we're just like brothers

know now we're like oh no

I would consider myself an absolute hopeless romantic.

And unfortunately, in the past, I've, you know, wasted a lot of this romantic,

you know, this romance on a lot of, you know, people who didn't deserve it. But

now I get to really express it to someone who really deserves it, you

I love, like, the romance.

Like, I love it. I love, like, making life.

into, like, a romance movie.

When I'm in a relationship, like I am now, I would say I

have a lot more sex because when we're together, it's just every minute of

day, everywhere.

Like, we go to the restaurant, we fuck in the bathroom. We go to the gym, we

fuck in the bathroom.

I think I've perfected kind of the art of like giving pleasure and, you know,

receiving pleasure.

And so I would say I'm kind of like, you know, a scholar in sex.

Like I've got a master's degree in sex. So I think I'm very good at it. And I'm

very confident in saying that, you know.

I attract a lot of drama and I...

probably do cause a lot of drama as well yeah i'm kind of a i'm a bit of an

antagonist in that way being on social media and being um well known it it

can get like a bit too much so yeah there's a lot of like hate comments and

mean every single day i will have comments on instagram or twitter and

like you know i've over the years i've got it

Down to like you just ignoring, you know, I don't even block them. I don't

delete the comments I just ignore it, but you still see it, you know, you

have to see that and it does get to a point where It all gets too much

and it's like, you know after a certain amount of time you're seeing it every

day At some point you start to believe what people are saying, you know, just a

little you know person at the back of your head saying they're saying this all

the time like could Could that be true? You know what I mean?

You realize that not all trolls are bad people. They just might be unhappy.

And they project that on people that may seem like they're having a better life

or they're happy or they're whatever.

But I think people have to realize that, you know, there's people behind those

photos. There's people behind that video. There's human beings.

behind you know these videos and photos and i think people forget that you know

they see a porn star or they see someone on instagram and they forget there's a

human being behind that photo and i think people need to remember that

You ready?

Yeah. Yeah, action.

At this time in my life, I prefer content creation myself,

just because for me it feels more natural and there's less people

love to kind of produce those things myself.

And I personally think that...

Like homemade kind of porn for me personally. I look at homemade porn And

jerk off more than I do kind of studio porn. I think it's really hot raw and

kind of Real you know I go through different times in my life where

I prefer one role over another like sometimes

I can go months being like, I just want to be a big old bottom and get fucked by

everyone.

But there's sometimes I feel really, really dominant. And now I feel like

got to the stage in my life where I am totally 100 % like a power of earth, you

know? I love both equally.

And I have kind of perfected the art of performing both equally as good. So

I think I'm as good of a bottom as I am a top.

So I can take it as good as I give it.

I'll find the strength to meet the truth at any length

When I was like 13, I started a memory box and I just started putting things

that I thought I would want to remember when I was older. And now it's turned

into this giant box because it's literally all of my memories.

And I think there's like just some surprising things that people would

you know, know about me. Oh my God, one thing, this is the first ever magazine

cover I did.

I'm like, who is that twink?

Who is that twinkler? Ellen DeGeneres' son.

And I've got like a lot of my old movies, like my favorite movies that

done in the past. And I've also kept every card from every boyfriend that

ever had, which I don't know if that's nice or just traumatic.

One thing people wouldn't know about me is...

I actually have world records.

The fastest crossing of the English Channel by a Coxsport team of rowers. So

was a rower when I was younger.

I was also a swimmer.

Yeah, and I think we still hold this record as well. I was like 13 or 14.

That was amazing. It was an amazing thing to do.

And as a kid, to achieve that, it was just wild.

And I keep things like my old school tie from when I was in school.

And these are just things that really mean a lot to me, you know.

And this is a painting that my ex -boyfriend did of Luca.

He's a sweetheart.

Ricky Roman.

He's also a porn star.

And we had an amazing relationship for four years. It was my longest

relationship ever.

And he is the sweetest guy. We're still very good friends.

And we still see each other often.

He's super sweet.

And I've basically just kept everything, everything you can imagine in here.

It's my whole life in a box.

Yeah. This is me.

This is my life.

So far.

It's very frustrating, the stigma around being a sex worker, a porn actor.

It frustrates me because everyone goes home.

Well, not everyone, but I mean, most people go home and they watch porn, you

know? Most people have sex.

Most people, you know, indulge in these... I wouldn't even say they're

pleasures. It's just a natural thing to do, sex.

It's so natural. It's the most natural thing to do.

And then I think there's these people that are so against sex

work and so against porn and everything like that, and it's just...

It just blows my mind because it's like you're going to be in the government and

you're going to be telling, you know, people we need to ban porn, we need to

sex workers. And then what do you think these old guys in parliament are doing?

They're going ordering escorts.

I know they're ordering escorts because I've been ordered by plenty of

politicians.

It's so hypocritical. It's ridiculous.

The stigma online, the stigma in my hometown when I started.

First started out, stigma from like financial institutions.

They suddenly just shut my bank account down.

And coincidentally, the month before, I applied for a business account with

them. And when I applied for a business account with them, I told them what I

did for work, which they didn't obviously know before.

And then one month later, they denied my business account straight away.

no reason given and one month later they shut down my current account you know

people made their judgments they made their you know assumptions of me already

and that was unfortunate and that's why it was hard for me to make friends um

people had this preconception of who I was they didn't get give me the chance

get to know me you know as a person and that's why rugby helped me so much

because you know people got got to know Joshua Stevenson rather than

Josh Moore, who they think Josh Moore is, you know? But I also do think Josh

Moore is a different person. Like, I created this person to be, you know, my

alter ego, the sassy, bitchy, confident

porn star, you know?

And then Joshua Stevenson is just a totally different person.

And I kind of like that.

Ding dong!

The strip is in!

Oh no, that's Josh.

And Rumian.

Sideways there, if you want.

Well,

see you then today.

I think Josh brings

obviously a popularity to the team, but he brings a level

of openness when he's with us. He's very open about his career and his job,

because obviously with us being a gay touch rugby team, everybody's gay,

majority are gay.

And they've got questions. And he's very open. Whenever someone asks him, he's

open about it. He tells everyone. And it's so interesting. You can see when

someone starts, everybody knows who Josh is.

You can't be a gay man without at least hearing his name.

And he loves it. He always answers the questions.

And, yeah, he's a great person.

He makes people feel welcome. I think people maybe see him and see his

have a bit of a stigma about it. He's quite standoffish. You don't want to

to him.

But, no, he's not like that at all. Everybody has a chat, and he's so happy

talk about his lifestyle with us all. And Edward loves it. He's a great guy.

I decided to move to London and moved in with my best friend Ruby, and we had

the most amazing time.

Then I found rugby and then I found friends and I found, I feel like I

found my place, like my home forever, you know.

My advice would be just to take any small bit of happiness that you can.

Just see the small things, these little things that we don't think about and we

just walk past every day.

Waking up for the sunrise.

taking your shoes off on the grass, you know, just little things like this, most

people would never even think of and take for granted.

Thank you.

On the right.