Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,140 --> 00:00:07,470
Ugh, that shadow's back, and
it's not doing us any favors.
2
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:08,820
Should we bring the lamp in again?
3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,270
Enough with the lamp,
enough with the shadow.
4
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:11,290
Let's do this already.
5
00:00:11,460 --> 00:00:12,940
Sorry, but it's gotta be just right.
6
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,676
Plus, I'm a dad. Taking
forever with a camera
7
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:15,910
is a part of my brand.
8
00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,220
Should I smile mouth-closed
or mouth-open?
9
00:00:18,340 --> 00:00:20,870
Mouth-open. Makes you look like
you were caught mid-laugh.
10
00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:23,470
This is so dumb.
11
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:25,940
We take the same Christmas
card photo every year.
12
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,090
And every year, our smiles
are a little different.
13
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,590
Yeah, but these old pajamas aren't,
14
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,130
and they're riding up the ol' chimney.
15
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:32,870
Well, deal with it, ya scrooge.
16
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:33,900
Look at us.
17
00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:35,580
I don't normally toss out this word,
18
00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:37,760
but we're real cute. [CHUCKLES]
19
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,920
Maybe instead of cute, we
go for funny this year.
20
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,240
Evan and Emery can pretend
these lights are handcuffs,
21
00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:44,760
and I'll be like, "No, I'm innocent!"
22
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,580
Save your pranks for Halloween.
23
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,210
Christmas is about tradition.
24
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,440
Don't bring Halloween into this.
25
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,340
Halloween has no dog in this fight.
26
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:52,680
Okay, we're all set.
27
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:53,900
All right.
28
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,760
Turn on the lights, Jenny.
29
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,530
Three, two, one.
30
00:00:58,660 --> 00:01:01,400
- Pull!
- Ugh.
31
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:04,310
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- _
32
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,650
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
33
00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:07,800
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
34
00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:09,580
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
35
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,880
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
36
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:12,930
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
37
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,330
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
38
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,690
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
39
00:01:16,770 --> 00:01:19,580
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
40
00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:22,670
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS]
41
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,820
Hey, what are you doing?
42
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:28,970
Upgrading my stocking.
43
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,910
I'm too old for Large Bird.
44
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,636
Evan and Emery can stick
with their knock-off
45
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,530
Biscuit Monster and Trash Grump.
46
00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:36,450
Nice try. You just
want a bigger stocking
47
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:37,630
so you get more stuff.
48
00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:38,730
I thought you'd like it.
49
00:01:38,770 --> 00:01:40,830
It's a classic red stocking.
50
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,100
It used to say "Tim" in
glitter, but I picked it off.
51
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:44,970
No. Large Bird stays.
52
00:01:46,670 --> 00:01:48,640
Here you go, Frosty.
53
00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,240
Nope, too close to the rabbit.
54
00:01:50,270 --> 00:01:51,930
Don't want it to eat your nose.
55
00:01:52,770 --> 00:01:54,360
Can't put you next to the snow-woman.
56
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,350
Don't want any Christmas surprises.
57
00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:59,120
Frosty's not an A-squad
ornament, hang him in the back.
58
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,750
You heard the lady.
59
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,730
It's not so bad back there.
You can get away with more.
60
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,660
Another Christmas in Jessica Town.
61
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:11,670
Oh, and the milliner finally
kicked her hard cider addiction.
62
00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:14,400
Mm. She looks so much younger.
63
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:17,130
Each one of these
ornaments tells a story.
64
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,940
This pineapple symbolizes the
time we bought tropical fruit
65
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,850
from a gas station and all got sick.
66
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,210
I lost 3 pounds.
67
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:26,440
Nicole sent me an ornament
that tells a story, too...
68
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,620
how there is no truer common ground
69
00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:30,560
between a lesbian and a 15-year-old boy
70
00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:32,220
than the movie "Wild Things."
71
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,700
We're not hanging that on the tree.
72
00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:35,180
Fine, I'll just put it over my bed.
73
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,460
Why?
74
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:40,960
While we're on the subject of Nicole,
75
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:43,296
she asked if I could come visit
her in New York for Christmas.
76
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,140
The Big Apple, Concrete Jungle...
77
00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:46,580
We spend Christmas together.
78
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,780
It's tradition.
79
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,750
You don't change tradition.
80
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,000
Every other family is a
mess during the holidays...
81
00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:53,800
not us, we cruise right through it
82
00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:56,050
because we are consistent.
83
00:02:56,130 --> 00:02:57,510
We stick with what works.
84
00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,610
- We'll revisit this later.
- No, we won't.
85
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,940
And the dance begins.
86
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:03,460
Mom, she's ready.
87
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,320
Ah, there she is.
88
00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:08,990
Awaken, my sweet.
89
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:10,410
So we can't put "Wild Things" on,
90
00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:12,136
but this old battle axe
is allowed up there?
91
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,290
Yes, because for 15 years,
92
00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:16,000
she's perched atop of our tree
93
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:19,290
and watched one perfect
Christmas after another.
94
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,180
My angel.
95
00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:26,720
♪
96
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:28,780
[CLATTER]
97
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,060
[LAUGHS]
98
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,000
_
99
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,520
_
100
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:41,910
♪
101
00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:44,410
I took the 20-sided dice
from "Dungeons & Dragons,"
102
00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:46,106
so we are gonna be zipping
around the board.
103
00:03:46,130 --> 00:03:47,890
Not if Emery can't choose his token.
104
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,256
Come on, we only have eight hours
blocked off for this game.
105
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,240
He's right, pick. This game takes days.
106
00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:54,970
I can't. I love the
clean look of the iron,
107
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,850
but also the hat is so dapper,
108
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,240
and then there's the dog...
probably a rescue.
109
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,740
So, since Honey, Marvin,
110
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,170
and Nicole are in New York this year,
111
00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:04,990
we have three empty
seats we need to fill
112
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,090
for Christmas Eve dinner.
113
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,660
We could do just the six of us.
114
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,910
We could do a thousand things,
115
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:09,980
but what we're gonna do
116
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,120
is what we always do,
117
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,470
which is nine people.
118
00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:14,130
I just thought it might be easier.
119
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,770
Save your bad ideas for Halloween.
120
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,280
I am in charge of Christmas,
121
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:19,820
and my reindeer plate
set is for nine people.
122
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:22,350
We can't just leave out
Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.
123
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:26,450
So, each one of you boys
can bring one friend.
124
00:04:26,610 --> 00:04:28,800
- Eddie is bringing Trevor.
- You mean Trent?
125
00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:30,250
Sure.
126
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,920
Well, that's fun. Who
are you gonna invite?
127
00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:34,880
Zach. He's always my go-to.
128
00:04:34,890 --> 00:04:36,080
Mine's Marvin.
129
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,510
- Mm.
- I'm not sure.
130
00:04:37,530 --> 00:04:40,740
There's Andy, Caleb, Sydney, Kate...
131
00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:41,850
Here he goes again.
132
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,340
Can never make a decision.
133
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,420
[CHUCKLES] Must be tough
to have so many friends.
134
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,420
Dennis, Andrew, Janet who works
the register at Mervyn's...
135
00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:49,570
My friend Mervyn!
136
00:04:49,630 --> 00:04:51,790
No, I can't invite him
without inviting Alanis...
137
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,890
And then there's Bobby and Dwayne,
138
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,400
and what about the Spinelli twins?
139
00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:57,330
How could I forget about them?
140
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,280
♪
141
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:01,250
[TAPE RIPPING]
142
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:04,950
Did you get a new angel?
143
00:05:05,150 --> 00:05:06,760
Oh, my God, that's the same one.
144
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:08,260
They said she'd never fly again,
145
00:05:08,270 --> 00:05:09,810
but she's gonna prove them all wrong.
146
00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:11,990
Off of that, I was thinking
maybe I could make some
147
00:05:12,190 --> 00:05:13,690
brownies with candy canes this year.
148
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,480
Still festive, still a sweet treat.
149
00:05:15,490 --> 00:05:17,400
Plus, we get to smash some canes.
150
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,220
I make the cookies. You lick the bowl.
151
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,250
And I'll still do that,
152
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:22,430
but I figured I could help
you lessen the workload.
153
00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:23,960
What's your game, Huang?
154
00:05:25,810 --> 00:05:28,770
Okay, I realized that New
York was too big a swing.
155
00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:31,030
So, I thought I could
help you get rid of
156
00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:32,060
your fear of change...
157
00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:33,880
I don't fear change. I hate it.
158
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:36,150
Right, but if we start smaller,
159
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,140
you might see that change
can actually be fun.
160
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,700
You're not going to
New York by yourself.
161
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,570
- You're still a kid.
- I'm not a kid.
162
00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:43,660
I have shoulder hair.
163
00:05:43,670 --> 00:05:45,310
Please, you still watch Ben and Jerry.
164
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:47,140
"Tom and Jerry," and I
haven't watched that cartoon
165
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,290
since I was eight years old.
166
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,170
So why do you care about
their names so much?
167
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:53,250
[SIGHS] Okay, you don't have to
decide on New York right now,
168
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,510
but at least consider
candy cane brownies.
169
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,950
Let me ask you a question.
170
00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,500
Do you hate Christmas?
171
00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:01,310
No, I love it. It's my favorite.
172
00:06:01,410 --> 00:06:02,940
You know why that is?
173
00:06:03,010 --> 00:06:05,480
Because I spent years perfecting it.
174
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,040
We have our set plan...
175
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:08,680
"Miracle on 34th Street,"
176
00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:10,110
"The Nutcracker" ballet,
177
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:12,530
snowman pancakes, and the
hour where I sing along
178
00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:14,270
with Bing Crosby after Christmas dinner.
179
00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:16,420
Wait, we're still doing
"The Nutcracker"?
180
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,166
I thought we were done
with that snooze-fest.
181
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,240
Oh, we only skipped last
year because the playhouse
182
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,580
decided to do a
Disney-themed "Nutcracker."
183
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,330
Sugar plum Goofy, no thank you.
184
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,320
Well, can I at least skip
the ballet this year?
185
00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:28,800
I mean, no need to spend 50
bucks for me to fall asleep.
186
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,570
Come on, be a little flexible.
187
00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:33,300
Flexibility is not what
Christmas is about.
188
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:35,540
Commitment and tradition are.
189
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,220
No New York, no brownies.
190
00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:41,530
[DOOR OPENS]
191
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:42,940
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
192
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:47,920
_
193
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,520
She won't let me do anything.
194
00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:50,886
She still thinks I'm a little kid!
195
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,850
But I'm older now. When
will she get that?
196
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:55,820
_
197
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,140
_
198
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:04,330
Oh, don't tell your mom I'm
stealing her potatoes.
199
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:12,200
♪
200
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,440
Great idea to do breakfast on the couch.
201
00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:16,610
This is like when that
lizard got into the kitchen.
202
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:18,880
It's not usually my style,
but if you can't cut loose
203
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,720
during the holidays, then when?
204
00:07:20,820 --> 00:07:21,950
[LAUGHS]
205
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:26,820
Oh, boy, you have pink eye again?
206
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,656
You really need to start
washing your hands better.
207
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,120
I was up all night trying to figure out
208
00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:32,210
who to invite to Christmas Eve.
209
00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:33,480
Too hard to choose.
210
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,550
I can't narrow it down.
211
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,620
I need coffee.
212
00:07:35,650 --> 00:07:37,380
And wash your hands!
213
00:07:38,970 --> 00:07:41,500
Emery always has a hard
time making decisions.
214
00:07:41,550 --> 00:07:43,540
Now you add in Christmas and friends?
215
00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:44,820
Never gonna happen.
216
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,880
He's gonna need our help.
217
00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:49,080
Who's Stan Mallman?
218
00:07:49,150 --> 00:07:50,320
"Mail man."
219
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,700
- That's our mail man.
- Oh.
220
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,270
I can't ever remember his name.
221
00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:56,610
I just say, "Yo," when I see him.
222
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,560
♪
223
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:07,380
Oh, are you off to your job
reporting the weather?
224
00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:10,380
[LAUGHS]
225
00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:11,900
Good one, Jessica.
226
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,440
Oh, this?
227
00:08:13,550 --> 00:08:15,990
I just thought it was time to
start dressing more maturely.
228
00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:18,090
You know, because I'm maturing.
229
00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:20,990
And I was thinking
about what you said...
230
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,530
how this is the season of giving.
231
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,110
- Yes?
- And I feel like
232
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,220
I'm at an age where I need
to start giving back.
233
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,960
So I'm volunteering at
a homeless shelter.
234
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:32,370
Wear gloves and don't give
any personal information.
235
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:35,420
It wouldn't be who I'd give my time to,
236
00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:37,960
but that is very mature of you.
237
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,280
What can I say? I'm growing up.
238
00:08:41,330 --> 00:08:42,760
Oh, just one thing...
239
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:44,746
I'm volunteering the same
night as "The Nutcracker,"
240
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:47,240
so I can't make it. Sorry.
241
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:48,970
♪
242
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,210
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
243
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:57,350
♪ Up on the housetop, reindeer pause ♪
244
00:08:57,380 --> 00:08:59,880
♪ Out jumps Lao Ban Santa Claus ♪
245
00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:01,250
[HUMMING]
246
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:03,710
[SIGHS]
247
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:04,950
Oh.
248
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:08,720
You must be so tired from volunteering.
249
00:09:08,870 --> 00:09:10,410
I am. Tough day.
250
00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:12,110
I couldn't make the gravy fast enough.
251
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:14,030
Homeless people put it on everything!
252
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:16,160
Mm, that sounds hard. Drink your cocoa.
253
00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:17,730
Why are you being so nice to me?
254
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,830
I thought you were mad because
I had to miss "The Nutcracker."
255
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:22,550
Well, I realized you were right.
256
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,400
- I was?
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,240
I do need to be more flexible.
258
00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:28,540
Right, change can be good.
259
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:32,010
Like... maybe I can go
to New York after all?
260
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,260
[LAUGHS] Oh, God, no.
261
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,930
But I did flexibly change the date
262
00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:38,900
of our "Nutcracker" tickets to tomorrow
263
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:40,380
so you can still come.
264
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:41,610
What?
265
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,960
Oh, and I had your plaid vest let out
266
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,530
so you can match your brothers.
267
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,330
[SIGHS]
268
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,980
It's like you want me to get beat up.
269
00:09:51,330 --> 00:09:56,710
♪ I saw Mommy kissing
Lao Ban Santa Claus ♪
270
00:09:56,970 --> 00:10:01,690
♪
271
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,620
- Thirsty?
- Let's cut the crap.
272
00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:04,910
You need to make a decision
273
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,630
about who to bring on Christmas Eve.
274
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:08,600
Okay. I don't know yet.
275
00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:10,960
What he means is we all
got that go-to friend,
276
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:12,160
and we're gonna help you find yours.
277
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:13,350
You're in the cafeteria,
278
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,990
you've got half a sandwich to share.
279
00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:16,090
Who do you give it to?
280
00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:17,650
Um, what kind of sandwich?
281
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,660
PB&J. Who do you give it to?!
282
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,590
Easy, Evan. Take your time, Emery.
283
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,690
We're all on the same team here.
284
00:10:23,930 --> 00:10:28,630
♪
285
00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:30,200
Let's try this again.
286
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,920
You've been waiting in line for
a roller coaster for hours.
287
00:10:32,950 --> 00:10:34,220
You finally get to the front.
288
00:10:34,290 --> 00:10:36,520
Two seats in the first
car, the best car.
289
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:37,680
Who do you take?
290
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:42,020
Um, well, Caleb has really good
posture, but Andy's very...
291
00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:43,980
Caleb or Andy? Just pick one!
292
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,210
I don't know.
293
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,500
Is it really hot in here?
294
00:10:47,650 --> 00:10:49,230
- Maybe Ryan?
- Ryan?!
295
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,570
Where did Ryan come from?
296
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:52,440
Evan, hey, walk it off. Walk it off!
297
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:57,280
♪
298
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,780
You're having a bad hair day.
Who's your go-to?
299
00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:02,470
- You, Dad.
- [SIGHS] You're damn right.
300
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,000
[LAUGHS]
301
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,650
Sorry to break up the party, ladies.
302
00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:08,840
It's winter break, so we
don't have a bedtime.
303
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:11,130
And we're not going anywhere
till we find an answer.
304
00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:13,690
Forget it, I'm not inviting anybody.
305
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,090
If it's this hard to figure out,
306
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:16,850
maybe I don't have a
go-to friend at all.
307
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:20,620
♪
308
00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:22,950
Just give me ten minutes alone with him.
309
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:28,320
[TCHAIKOVSKY'S "THE
NUTCRACKER MARCH" PLAYS]
310
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:35,250
♪
311
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:42,290
♪
312
00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:47,410
[SNORING]
313
00:11:47,510 --> 00:11:51,180
♪
314
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,050
Psst! Eddie, wake up!
315
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,480
It's the Waltz of the Snowflakes!
316
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,640
Ow, you pinched me!
317
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:57,120
- No sleeping.
- What do you mean?
318
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,220
I sleep every year.
319
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,420
You want a new tradition?
320
00:11:59,430 --> 00:12:00,820
Stay awake.
321
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,930
You like dancing so much?
322
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:05,250
Let's dance.
323
00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:07,330
[MUSIC STOPS]
324
00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:13,750
- [RUN-DMC'S "CHRISTMAS IN HOLLIS" PLAYS]
- _
325
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:16,390
♪ It was December 24th on
Hollis Ave in the dark ♪
326
00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:18,940
♪ When I see a man chilling
with his dog in the park ♪
327
00:12:19,110 --> 00:12:21,430
♪ I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear ♪
328
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:24,260
♪ Looked at his dog, oh,
my God, an ill reindeer ♪
329
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,560
♪ But then I was illin,
'cause the man had a beard ♪
330
00:12:26,630 --> 00:12:29,120
♪ And a bag full of goodies,
12 o'clock had neared ♪
331
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,640
♪ So I turned my head a second,
and the man had gone ♪
332
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,010
♪ But he left his driver's
wallet smack dead on the lawn ♪
333
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:36,640
Jessica Town is now under martial law.
334
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:37,846
- Ho, ho, ho.
- ♪ Took out the license ♪
335
00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:39,216
♪ And it cold said "Santa Claus" ♪
336
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,310
♪ A million... ♪
337
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:41,830
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Hey!
338
00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:43,380
I know what you're doing.
339
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,120
You're not taking over my
Christmas with your nonsense.
340
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,596
I don't know what you're talking about.
341
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:48,910
You're trying to break me
342
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,380
so you can get whatever you want.
343
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,120
It's never gonna happen.
344
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,900
Ho, ho, ho.
345
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,980
_
346
00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:00,870
_
347
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,030
_
348
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,190
Oh, this isn't over.
349
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,950
I've got more tricks up my sleeve.
350
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,290
She may have killed the music,
but we're still dancing.
351
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,920
_
352
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,980
_
353
00:13:13,070 --> 00:13:15,970
_
354
00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:17,670
Her own potatoes?
355
00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:23,790
♪
356
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,320
Hmm. I hung this gator
on the wrong spot.
357
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,360
It's too animal-heavy on this side.
358
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,820
This is a tree, not a zoo.
359
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,780
That's a Douglas Fir.
360
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,320
Keep an eye on her.
They get real thirsty.
361
00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:36,670
Not now, Zach.
362
00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:38,300
Maybe here...
363
00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:40,120
No, not next to Santa's workshop,
364
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:41,500
I don't want him to eat any of the elves
365
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,440
when they step out on
a smoke break. [SIGHS]
366
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,240
Looks like the ornament doesn't fall far
367
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:47,730
from the Christmas tree.
368
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,550
This is where Emery gets
his indecisiveness from!
369
00:13:50,770 --> 00:13:52,370
I know how to make a decision.
370
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:54,310
Just put the gator next
to the surfing Santa.
371
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,450
Perfect.
372
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,490
Hmm.
373
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,860
Oh. Who are you? Who's this?
374
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,560
Trent couldn't come, so I
invited Cindy from the shelter.
375
00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:07,230
Great, so I'm the only
one without a guest?
376
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:09,120
Welcome. Are you Eddie's supervisor?
377
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:10,940
Oh, no, I go there to eat.
378
00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:13,590
Homeless...
379
00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:15,760
Cindy walked the Appalachian Trail
380
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,390
all the way here from New Hampshire.
381
00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:19,330
Yeah, I love being homeless.
382
00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:21,800
No ties, just freedom and fresh air.
383
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,540
And I'm friends with a
host at Olive Garden
384
00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:25,030
who gives me their leftovers.
385
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:28,450
I brought you these breadsticks
to thank you for having me.
386
00:14:28,630 --> 00:14:32,140
They're a little hard,
but, um, hey, so is life.
387
00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:33,440
[CHUCKLES]
388
00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:38,920
Cindy, can I get you some cider?
389
00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:39,940
Oh. Sure.
390
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,970
Great tree topper, by the way.
391
00:14:42,070 --> 00:14:45,140
♪
392
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,150
[GASPS]
393
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,860
You put your porno
ornament on my angel?!
394
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,400
[GLASS SHATTERING]
395
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,860
♪
396
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,750
"Porno ornament"?
397
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,440
Or pornament. Right?
398
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,730
_
399
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:15,080
♪
400
00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:17,580
Jessica, I gotta hand it to
you, you picked a strong tree.
401
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,600
It really held your weight.
402
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:23,040
Cindy, Zach, Merry Christmas.
403
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:27,430
I really messed up.
404
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,250
Ah, it's okay. I'll talk to your mom.
405
00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:30,490
Maybe this isn't the time,
406
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,870
but stuff like this never
happens on Halloween.
407
00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:38,540
♪
408
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:41,080
[SIGHS] This tinsel is never coming out.
409
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:42,960
It lives here now...
410
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,160
[GROANS] as part of my hair.
411
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,440
Yeah, you really did a
number on that tree.
412
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,320
Well, now we're just
like every other family.
413
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,290
We let our Christmas turn into chaos.
414
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,590
We? [CHUCKLES]
415
00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:54,790
You.
416
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,570
Uh... We.
417
00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:59,510
I told Eddie this would happen.
418
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:01,100
You don't mess with what works,
419
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,860
especially on Christmas.
420
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:04,980
You know who else I
remember feeling that way?
421
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,510
Barbra Streisand, Jim Belushi?
422
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:08,030
Louis, I'm not in the mood to guess.
423
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:09,070
Your mother,
424
00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:11,190
when you wrestled parts of
Christmas away from her.
425
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,760
I was just trying to
make Christmas better.
426
00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:15,990
She used to wrap presents in newspaper.
427
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,280
Besides, I was an adult.
428
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:20,380
Well, Eddie is 6'2".
429
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:21,610
[CHUCKLES]
430
00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:24,220
Look, whether we like it
or not, he's growing up.
431
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:26,396
We can't force him to wear
that Christmas vest forever.
432
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:27,650
[DOORBELL RINGS]
433
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,190
[SIGHS]
434
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,010
You think Marvin came back early
from New York to surprise me?
435
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,710
No, I think it's Emery's friend, Caleb.
436
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,430
I called him.
437
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,600
You and Emery are both indecisive.
438
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,550
The difference is you have Mommy.
439
00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:45,490
So I decided to be Emery's Mommy.
440
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:48,490
Wait, wife?
441
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,430
Husband?
442
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:51,950
Decision-maker.
443
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:54,230
Mm. So no Marvin.
444
00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:55,860
Emery!
445
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:59,100
♪
446
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,306
What are you all doing here?
447
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,390
Evan called and said
you needed a friend.
448
00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:04,740
And then I called Andy
who called Trish and...
449
00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:07,670
well, we all wanted to be here for you.
450
00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:10,240
I'm Jewish and Mervyn's closes
early on Christmas Eve,
451
00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:11,300
so I was wide open.
452
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,800
I don't know what to say.
453
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,320
Thanks so much for coming.
454
00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:16,750
You don't have one go-to friend,
you have a whole bunch.
455
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,940
- And a great wife.
- Thanks, Dad.
456
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:21,410
[CHUCKLES]
457
00:17:21,510 --> 00:17:23,760
It's just like "It's a Wonderful Life."
458
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,740
Except you should all go.
459
00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:27,260
It's Christmas Eve.
460
00:17:29,850 --> 00:17:32,900
And I finally decided
who my go-to guy is.
461
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,500
It's you.
462
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,390
Who else would do all this for me?
463
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:38,800
Hey, Merry Christmas, Louis!
464
00:17:39,490 --> 00:17:41,430
Yo! [LAUGHS]
465
00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:44,660
[KNOCKING]
466
00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:46,500
I colored over the duct
tape with a red sharpie
467
00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:48,920
to be festive but now it just
looks like she's bleeding.
468
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,640
I'm really sorry I was such a jerk.
469
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,060
You're not a jerk.
470
00:17:54,260 --> 00:17:55,550
You're Eddie and I'm me.
471
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:57,790
So this is gonna happen sometimes.
472
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:05,040
Look, I know you were
upset about New York...
473
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,730
It wasn't just New York...
474
00:18:06,890 --> 00:18:09,160
you weren't open to even
the smallest change.
475
00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:13,790
Listen, Eddie.
476
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:16,360
When you were first born,
your dad was working a lot
477
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:19,160
and I was overwhelmed
being a new mother.
478
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,750
I didn't know if I was
doing a good job or not.
479
00:18:22,890 --> 00:18:24,350
But then our first Christmas,
480
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,710
you and I had all these
fun times together.
481
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:30,770
Our first Christmas card photo.
482
00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:32,570
Man, I was a cute-ass baby.
483
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:34,850
We watched "Miracle on 34th Street,"
484
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,760
and you fell asleep on me
listening to "The Nutcracker."
485
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:39,530
That's why it makes me so sleepy!
486
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,900
And when you first saw this angel,
487
00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,370
you were laughing non-stop.
488
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,210
It was the best sound.
489
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,370
It made everything feel okay.
490
00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:49,920
It still does.
491
00:18:51,290 --> 00:18:53,790
Now I get why you don't want to
change all these traditions.
492
00:18:53,870 --> 00:18:56,300
That, and letting you
make new traditions
493
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:58,300
means admitting that you're growing up.
494
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,540
And that is the change I
am really not ready for.
495
00:19:01,690 --> 00:19:03,120
[SIGHS]
496
00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:05,020
But I guess it's gonna happen
497
00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:07,210
no matter how stubborn I am.
498
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:09,200
[CHUCKLES] Sounds to me
499
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,730
like someone's coming around
on Christmas brownies...
500
00:19:11,830 --> 00:19:13,920
Smashy smashy some canes?
501
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,080
Okay.
502
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:17,240
But we're not gonna call
them "reindeer patties."
503
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,050
- We'll revisit this.
- No, we won't.
504
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:20,540
And the dance begins...
505
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,090
And the dance begins...
506
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,810
♪
507
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,530
What's that mess?
508
00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:33,280
EVAN: It's a dog in a top hat,
509
00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:35,220
holding an iron, riding
in a wheelbarrow.
510
00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:37,330
- I made it.
- That's what Evan got me for Christmas
511
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,290
so I don't waste any
time picking my piece.
512
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,300
Tennessee Avenue. Not doing it.
513
00:19:45,370 --> 00:19:46,740
Did you know the oranges are the most
514
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,600
frequently landed-upon properties?
515
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,470
I'm not an orange guy. It washes me out.
516
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:53,800
The game is Monopoly,
not favorite colors.
517
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,060
♪
518
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,930
No! Don't smash us!
519
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,560
Save me!
520
00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:03,030
I have a family!
521
00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:04,270
You wanna try?
522
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,840
I think you'll like it.
523
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,870
Smash!
524
00:20:08,970 --> 00:20:10,030
Feels good, right?
525
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,520
Yes!
526
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,910
Okay, no, calm down.
527
00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:15,516
If you keep that up, you'll
put a hole in the bag.
528
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:19,410
♪
529
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,740
♪ Sing we joyous all together! ♪
530
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,150
♪ Fa la la la la... ♪
531
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:28,800
♪ ... la la la laaaa ♪
532
00:20:29,030 --> 00:20:30,980
- So festive!
- So good!
533
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:32,680
- So loud!
- So great.
534
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:34,870
Anyway, the karaoke
machine was my present,
535
00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:36,820
so maybe I can sing Aerosmith finally?
536
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,950
Nope. We have one more song this year.
537
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:43,050
Great, I'll just, um, play
with my new dress socks, then.
538
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:45,750
♪ It was December 24th on
Hollis Ave in the dark ♪
539
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,290
♪ When I saw a man chilling
with his dog in the park ♪
540
00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:50,750
♪ I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear ♪
541
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:53,570
♪ Looked at his dog, oh,
my God, an ill reindeer ♪
542
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,970
♪ And then I was illin,
'cause the man had a beard ♪
543
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,540
♪ And a bag full of goodies,
12 o'clock had neared ♪
544
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,860
♪ I turned my head a second,
and the man was gone ♪
545
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,700
♪ But he left his driver's
wallet smack dead on the lawn ♪
546
00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:08,710
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
38871
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof