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DIARY OF A DITCHED GIRL
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♪ When we met
You thought that I could probably change ♪
3
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♪ I warned you then
That baby, I don't seem insane ♪
4
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♪ But I fucking am
And I'm rocking a little gold chain ♪
5
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♪ That ain't real gold
I told you that it's fucking fake ♪
6
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♪ I spend my money elsewhere
on different things ♪
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♪ That come in little plastic bags
And they disa… ♪
8
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♪ I ain't your average, normal dude ♪
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♪ It sure ain't glamorous
I keep things loose ♪
10
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And then?
11
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-I just looked.
-Why?
12
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I don't know why but, I mean, I felt warm.
13
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Like I felt… fascinated, almost.
14
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♪ Yeah, I'm a savage ♪
15
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♪ I'm really cool ♪
16
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♪ I tried to warn you, I'm loose ♪
17
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So, you just stared at him?
18
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Oh my God, Amanda!
19
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,800
Crazy, right? There's gotta be
something wrong with me.
20
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No. You've just been single too long.
21
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There isn't anything wrong with you.
22
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I gotta meet someone soon
or I'll die and no one will notice.
23
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Adina, don't die before me.
You can't. You gotta promise.
24
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Amanda, you will meet someone.
25
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Oh, sure.
I'll find someone now, after 12 years.
26
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,160
Have you actually looked?
27
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,440
I've looked really hard.
28
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,200
Well, maybe your energy
says that you're unavailable.
29
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,600
No, it's all because of my work.
30
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All I've been doing is work.
Ten years of work. All I've done is work.
31
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Oh, come on now. Amanda, listen, okay?
32
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It's really important to try
to manifest an image of what you want.
33
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-Then you'll send out the right signals.
-Okay. What is it I want?
34
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,640
-Right.
-I've no idea.
35
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,760
I want a second date and I wanna get laid.
36
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,560
I want someone good-looking
who's funny and smart and witty and…
37
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,080
who travels, is rich,
38
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with good morals.
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Someone clever,
40
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who makes good coffee.
41
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I don't know. Someone who loves me.
42
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And there's no reason why
you shouldn't have that.
43
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It could just be that we're married
to the cosmos, you know. Oof.
44
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,520
Come on, Mom.
45
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,760
-And that's the problem.
-No.
46
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-Just a thought.
-Mom.
47
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Hey, what if she's right?
48
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Come on, I was only ten years old.
49
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,160
Wait, that… that was total bullshit.
50
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,720
I met Filip after that, didn't I?
51
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,600
But maybe that's how you get OCD.
52
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,240
Your mother marries you off
to the cosmos too young.
53
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,040
Yeah.
54
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,760
So, are you coming
to this thing naked or…?
55
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Hello!
56
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,720
-Right, there she is.
-Hello! Hi!
57
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Come on, come on, come on!
58
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,920
-Oh, my God.
-Coming!
59
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,320
Oh, hey there!
60
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Oh, dammit!
61
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Look out!
62
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That's my fucking shoe!
63
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Your shoe!
64
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,920
Thank God!
65
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Oh, my God, it's not…
66
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,080
-It's totally fine, look.
-It's like Cinderella.
67
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,680
-A miracle.
-Insane.
68
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-Ready?
-My God.
69
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,080
-Can we go?
-Yes.
70
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,000
Ah, Jabba!
71
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,160
Congratulations, Dr. Jabba!
72
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-Come here!
-Oh, my God!
73
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,880
We're so fucking proud of you.
Fully qualified!
74
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,560
-She's a doctor!
-Come here, Dr. Jabba.
75
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This is just so huge.
76
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,040
-What's all this?
-This is for you.
77
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-Jabba?
-Yes?
78
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,120
Okay. So, how does it feel?
79
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,720
Oh, like shit. It's shit.
80
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:04,800
-Like shit?
-Yeah.
81
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:05,880
What the hell?
82
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,320
Well, because it's my fault
if someone dies now.
83
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,240
-I can be reported.
-That's true.
84
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,280
-Knowing her…
-No way.
85
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,160
If someone's dying
on a plane you get to say,
86
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,880
"Hi there's a doctor onboard."
87
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,920
-Like a movie.
-Mm, total nightmare. I don't want to.
88
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,240
-I got the most expensive ones.
-Wow. Really.
89
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,480
-Oh.
-You guys!
90
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,400
Thank you so much.
91
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,600
-Of course.
-They're really sweet.
92
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,440
You'll be the sexiest doctor
at the hospital.
93
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,560
-Aww.
-Exactly.
94
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,680
You can't just wear
anything in the hospital now.
95
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,120
-Important question.
-Yeah?
96
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,960
-Hit me.
-We've got Saruman, Gollum or Denethor.
97
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,000
Who do you fuck?
98
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,400
-I'd go Gollum.
-What the fuck?
99
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,880
-Definitely the worst choice.
-He's not!
100
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,680
Imagine how much attention he'd give you.
101
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,040
-Sure…
-"My precious."
102
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,720
-Yes!
-"Precious." Right?
103
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,240
He just needs
a little self-care and he's good to go.
104
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,440
How 'bout you? Who would you choose?
105
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,720
I actually don't know who I'd choose.
106
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,760
You haven't had sex in three years.
Any of them will do.
107
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,320
-What are you gonna do?
-I'm not doing anything yet.
108
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,760
I'm looking at what's available.
109
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,040
-Stop it.
-Not here.
110
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,160
No, seriously.
It's an emergency, you know?
111
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,560
Don't say it's an emergency.
112
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,240
-You're stressing me out.
-It'll be okay.
113
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:16,440
Let's just see what we're working with.
114
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,400
-Oh, fuck off man. Shut the fuck up.
-Go, man.
115
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,480
Is that Emil… Emil Wester?
116
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,240
-Yep.
-It is, yeah.
117
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,160
-Kill me now.
-Emil fucking Wester!
118
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,520
-She tried to kiss him in seventh grade.
-God.
119
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,320
-It did not go well.
-What happened?
120
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,480
She tried to kiss him,
and then he got angry,
121
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,080
-He ended up chasing her round the garden.
-It wasn't funny.
122
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,480
I was literally running for my life.
123
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,920
And then he organized
a tribal council with the boys,
124
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and all of them except for one,
125
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voted me out of there.
126
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,200
-Ew. That sounds awful.
-That's insane.
127
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,840
I mean, he's always been a sadist.
128
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,480
Hang on a minute, who voted to keep you?
129
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,240
-I don't actually know.
-No?
130
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,280
-Is he fuckable?
-Wow. Mm!
131
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,240
-Oh, my God, will you just give it a rest?
-Yes!
132
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,280
-That's a fair question.
-It's terrible!
133
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,360
Guys, uh, who can drink
the most without burping?
134
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:04,760
-Me.
-Let's see then.
135
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,120
-Let's go.
-I'm not chugging this, I'm poor.
136
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,400
-Amanda, hey, do you see this, or…?
-Uh-huh.
137
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,920
Okay? You know it's my party?
138
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,720
-Are you paying?
-She's graduated.
139
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:14,880
-Can you afford it?
-Yes!
140
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,120
-Okay.
-You good now?
141
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,480
-Let's go.
-Great.
142
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:18,960
-Okay, go!
-One, two, three.
143
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,040
-She got a head start.
-Hey, no cheating!
144
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I didn't burp.
145
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,000
You cheated, you started early.
146
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,480
-Ugh!
-Ew! So gross.
147
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,720
Amanda!
148
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,520
-Hi.
-Hey.
149
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,400
How's things?
150
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:44,480
I'm good.
151
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,080
You haven't… changed.
152
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,240
Okay.
153
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,800
I meant that in a good way. Um…
154
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:55,840
You, neither.
155
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,160
Well, I hope I have, considering what…
156
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,560
I don't know, it's kind of, um…
157
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,080
There's still soap in there,
I don't know about that one.
158
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,440
-Okay. So, here's one.
-Mm-hmm.
159
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,040
-Fuck, marry, kill.
-Yeah?
160
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,640
Céline Dion…
161
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,880
-Mm.
-Yep.
162
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,120
-Whitney Houston…
-Hmm.
163
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,800
-Yep.
-Or Cher?
164
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,320
Wait, who's Céline Dion?
165
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,240
Céline Dion? Titanic?
166
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,040
I dunno if I could eat pussy.
I'd have to see how I felt.
167
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,320
Imagine you could.
168
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,480
Okay. I don't know.
169
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,000
I guess
Whitney Houston would be too high.
170
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,200
No, she'd be down.
171
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,600
You've eaten pussy?
172
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,480
♪ Little cloud what happened to you ♪
173
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,880
♪ No one ever told you what to do ♪
174
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,440
♪ You kept a leopard in your bed ♪
175
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,680
♪ No one knew what went on in your head ♪
176
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,760
I'm divorcing you, cosmos.
177
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,600
It's over, cosmos.
178
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,600
It's over, cosmos.
It's over. I'm divorcing you, cosmos.
179
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,320
-Hi, do you need help?
-It's o--
180
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,120
Is it full again?
181
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,040
God, they suck at this.
182
00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,880
-No.
-Great.
183
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,080
-Great.
-Yeah.
184
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:11,520
See ya!
185
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,600
-Ta-da!
-Oh, my God!
186
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,040
Wow!
187
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,720
-That's awesome, Amanda.
-Right?
188
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,800
It looks great.
189
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,800
But, I don't believe
there are supposed to be lights.
190
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,680
Right, but if we put
a little extra effort in
191
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,120
then that way
we'll get more and more jobs.
192
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,920
-Uh-huh.
-I think this is how we need to do things.
193
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,720
-Creatively, you know?
-Mm.
194
00:09:58,800 --> 00:09:59,640
Hand out freebies.
195
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,480
Where the hell
did I put my phone?
196
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,280
Sometimes, you just have to
think outside the box.
197
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,760
But I know this'll get us more work. Okay?
198
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,920
You're lovely.
199
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,840
-Amanda, I'm stressed out by these bills.
-Where are you?!
200
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,280
I mean, there are just so many.
201
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,160
-I don't know how we'll pay.
-I know I had it.
202
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,400
Mom, stop! I can't hear! We can't…
203
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,720
I'm looking for my phone. I can't find it.
204
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,680
We can't hear
and we're trying to do important things.
205
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,480
You gotta ask somebody to call you.
Your energy is really off today.
206
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,760
Mom, we really need to talk
about these bills. They're piling up.
207
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,120
-We need more business and if--
-Wait, I'm calling it. Shhh!
208
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,440
-I can't hear it. Can you…
-Shh!
209
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,120
-I don't hear a thing. Not a thing.
-Be quiet.
210
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,600
-Stand still.
-Stop!
211
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,280
It's here somewhere.
212
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,440
-There!
-Ah!
213
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,720
Why does it say "La Bamba"?
214
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,240
Well, because
everyone I love has a pet name.
215
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,000
-And I'm La Bamba?
-Yep.
216
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,920
-And what's Adina's?
-The Queen.
217
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,480
And Magnus is My Sexy Tiger.
218
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,120
And I'm La Bamba?
219
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,840
-Yeah.
-I don't think it's funny.
220
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:14,960
-Speaking of…
-We need to--
221
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,920
I have something that I know
will solve all your love problems.
222
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,760
-Wait a second.
-But I don't… I'm not interested.
223
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,360
Mom, can it wait a minute?
Can we please focus a little?
224
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,360
Look, we have to talk about these bills.
225
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,240
Yes, "Queen."
226
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,640
Mom, come on!
227
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,400
Here she is!
228
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,320
How exciting!
229
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,000
-Coming closer!
-Ta-da! Show yourself!
230
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,160
-Ah!
-Ooh!
231
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,400
-You look amazing!
-So hot!
232
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,480
-Did Adina do that?
-Yes.
233
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,400
Right? This is the new me.
234
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:51,440
I'm gonna get into a relationship
and do some spooning and shit like--
235
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,400
-Making love too.
-Uh-huh.
236
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,200
-Opening a bank account together, or…
-Ooh.
237
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,880
-Romantic.
-Like a joint one?
238
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,440
Well, it's practical.
239
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,880
Wait… Can you bring me
my top, please, Adina?
240
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,800
How did your date go yesterday?
The one at Kallis.
241
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,600
-Mm. How was it?
-Mm-hmm.
242
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,680
Yeah. We went
to a co-ed sauna. It was good.
243
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,160
-Mm-hmm.
-Come on, Jabba!
244
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,240
-I mean, the co-ed sauna?
-Yeah.
245
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,480
Isn't it a little weird to see
his limp dick on the first date?
246
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,040
But it doesn't end there.
247
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,240
Listen to this. When I got up,
I noticed on my sauna sheet,
248
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,960
this big, red period stain.
249
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,520
Which means everyone, everyone saw it.
250
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,200
Excuse me. Did you just say "sauna sheet"?
251
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,280
Yeah.
252
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,560
Are you like, ninety?
253
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,920
-That's what you're focusing on?
-Thanks.
254
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,080
So what did you do?
255
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,160
Well, I sat back down,
what else could I do?
256
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,680
-Christ…
-Then it was hushed.
257
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,360
I mean, totally, like, silent.
258
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,800
-For ages.
-Oh, my God.
259
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,360
Moving on.
Filip, I need to ask you…
260
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,920
Was it you who brought
this, uh, new piece into our home?
261
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,760
-It's mine.
-It's yours?!
262
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,960
-A present from my mother.
-Ah.
263
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,200
-It's a love collage.
-Of course.
264
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,680
-She thinks it'll help me.
-Okay.
265
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,800
Apparently it belonged
to some guru in Goa.
266
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,760
I honestly think that
it might work for you.
267
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,320
-You should bring it tonight.
-Do not bring it.
268
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,360
-Honestly.
-Okay. What should I wear?
269
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,160
-I'm not gonna bring it.
-Do not bring it.
270
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,440
I'm not going to!
271
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,280
Just go put something sexy on.
272
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,600
-One last drink before we leave.
-Babe, there's no rush.
273
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,200
I wanna come.
274
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,640
-Put this on underneath.
-Thank you.
275
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,440
-Hey, I wanna…
-Filip can't come!
276
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,400
No, I'm sorry. You cannot come with us.
You'll just ruin the whole evening.
277
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,160
-He'll scare the guys off.
-Why…?
278
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,400
-Filip is not coming.
-That hurts my feelings.
279
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,200
Other people need to have sex.
280
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,640
-If it was up to me, you'd always come.
-I don't have friends.
281
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,760
-I know. You've got my friends.
-Right?
282
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,000
Okay, you guys
are, like, too cute.
283
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,120
What a surprise.
Adina is The Queen.
284
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,720
-Oh, of course.
-The Queen? Cute.
285
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,200
But then I'm La Bamba.
And I don't know what it means.
286
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,280
I just think Black Mamba condoms.
287
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,040
Can you still buy those? That's so un-PC.
288
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,640
-Oh, you think so?
-Yes.
289
00:13:58,720 --> 00:13:59,880
-It's a snake.
-Come on!
290
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,240
-No, it's…
-It is so.
291
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,200
-Wait, no! It's that song.
-The Black Mamba.
292
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,360
-With Richie Valens. You know?
-Oh, she's right.
293
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,480
-What song?
-You know…
294
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,440
♪ La la la la la Bamba ♪
295
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,680
-Oh!
-Yeah. Yeah!
296
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,040
-♪ La la la la la Bamba ♪
-Is it that one? Oh, my God!
297
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:17,920
-Take this.
-But if he died in a…
298
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,400
That means
I can never fly again. This is bad.
299
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,400
Amanda, my OCD is much worse than yours.
300
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,640
-But I still met Filip.
-Yeah.
301
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,280
You will be able to fly,
302
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,240
you'll go on a ton of vacations
and have lots of sex, okay?
303
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:30,560
So much fucking.
304
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,760
-Yes!
-Yes, babe!
305
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,640
-Lilleman!
-There's more than one line.
306
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:37,960
There are two lines.
307
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,480
-Sorry, how much? No, thanks.
-I don't think so.
308
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,440
-Where can we…?
-There.
309
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:53,360
Yeah.
310
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,360
-On three.
-One, two, three!
311
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,520
Fuck! One, two, three.
312
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,440
Fuck!
313
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,520
-One, two, three.
-Fucker!
314
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,400
Okay, yours goes first.
315
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,480
-So gross!
-Put it down.
316
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,400
We need the… We need the whip.
317
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,400
-Yeah.
-Either of you have the whip?
318
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,560
No.
319
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:22,880
-Do you have the whip?
-Hm?
320
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,240
-We need the whip.
-The…
321
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,200
-The horse whip!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!
322
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,640
-Okay, slow down, girl.
-Sorry.
323
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,040
-Here you go.
-So, turn around for me.
324
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,440
Ow!
325
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,800
Your turn. Here.
326
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,880
-I don't wanna. No!
-Yes!
327
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,880
So fucking boring.
It's what we're here for, no?
328
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,600
To find somebody to be our prey.
329
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,280
Hey!
330
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,800
No? No?
331
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,040
Girl you need to ask before
you whip someone.
332
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,360
-What?
-You need to ask before you whip someone.
333
00:15:55,440 --> 00:16:00,440
Okay. We don't need your energy right now.
Love you! But you're a killjoy.
334
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,960
Sorry, excuse me.
335
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:04,600
Here.
336
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,760
Hello!
337
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,880
Sorry to interrupt but I have a question:
338
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:15,120
Do any of you guys wanna get spanked?
339
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,160
-Seriously?
-Am I serious?
340
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,240
-Of course.
-All right.
341
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,720
-Are you sure?
-Do your worst.
342
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,120
My worst? Are you sure you can handle it?
343
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,000
Oh my God! You!
344
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,440
Are you okay?
345
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,760
Okay, you want my worst? I will show you.
346
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,920
But first, you're getting a turn.
This guy needs a spank, okay?
347
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,920
-I don't wanna.
-Come on.
348
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,920
Amanda, do you want
to meet someone or not? Huh?
349
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,080
This isn't how you meet someone, is it?
350
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,400
It could be how though. Hm?
351
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,880
-Fine.
-Fine.
352
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,600
-All right!
-Yes!
353
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,480
Turn around!
354
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,240
Woo-hoo!
355
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,800
She's a little heavy-handed.
But it did look like you liked it.
356
00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,760
-Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
-I'm sorry!
357
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,160
-Anybody else?
-Are you ready?
358
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,440
Who wants a spanking?
359
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,800
Here it comes!
360
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,840
Oh, my fucking God! Yes!
361
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,840
I've found two tens, okay?
362
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:21,760
-Come on!
-No.
363
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,240
-You can't have!
-For real.
364
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,400
They are waiting upstairs,
and you are my wing woman.
365
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,920
-But I don't wanna do that.
-Yes!
366
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,680
Please! This guy's perfect for me.
367
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,400
-Look, I can't, okay?
-You have to!
368
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,560
Amanda! Sex vacations with boyfriends.
369
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,200
-So go for it!
-Okay.
370
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:37,280
-You in?
-Yes!
371
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,120
Amanda, they're fucking hot.
372
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,320
Make sure you ask first!
373
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,520
It's perfect. There's one
who's your type, and one who's mine!
374
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,080
Oh, God. Show me then.
375
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,800
Okay. There.
376
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,440
-Him.
-No.
377
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,080
-The one on the left, okay?
-No. Stop.
378
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,800
-I'll take the other one.
-They are way too preppy. No way.
379
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,160
-They have these perfect white teeth.
-Yeah, but…
380
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,080
And they always have
an unopened tube of toothpaste at home.
381
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,680
-Whoa, hang on a minute.
-Just waiting.
382
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:04,840
They've never been in debt.
383
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,760
-I don't even have toilet paper!
-What the fuck?
384
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,000
-I'm an ogre!
-Who cares?
385
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,160
What the fuck are you talking about?
386
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,560
Why do you care about their teeth?
Amanda, you're a fucking ten.
387
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,200
You're a fucking ten.
Say it, "I'm a fucking ten."
388
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,400
-You're a fucking ten!
-A fucking ten!
389
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,280
You're a fucking ten!
Okay, come on. You're ready.
390
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,880
Just be yourself.
391
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:26,800
Oh, shit!
392
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,040
You're a fucking ten, hmm?
393
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,680
-Yeah, yeah.
-Hey!
394
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,920
-I just wanna say hi.
-Well, hello.
395
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,720
-Hi. And this is my friend Amanda.
-Hey.
396
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:47,520
She has a phobia of straight teeth,
but also kills at Mario Kart.
397
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:51,200
-Mm.
-So I thought you'd be a great match.
398
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,760
-I'm Lilleman.
-Oh, she's the best.
399
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,200
-Anton.
-Thanks. I am, right?
400
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,320
The best.
401
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,440
-I wasn't expecting to see the best.
-Well, tonight's your lucky night.
402
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,000
-Yeah, you stand out.
-So they all say.
403
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,800
So, I think you should buy a drink for me.
404
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:09,880
Sounds good.
405
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,520
-It does? Mm?
-Yeah.
406
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,360
-Come on.
-I'll be back soon, okay?
407
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:15,920
-Real soon.
-Mm-hmm.
408
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,120
So, you should know,
I'm a girl who likes expensive drinks…
409
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,080
So,
410
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,600
a phobia of straight teeth?
411
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,680
-It's true.
-Your teeth are straight.
412
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,880
Yeah, it's a problem.
413
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,480
Look, I can't brush my own teeth.
I can't look in the mirror anymore.
414
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,240
How about these?
I mean, are they triggering?
415
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,120
It's very helpful for me
to be exposed to my phobias.
416
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,840
-Right, yeah. Yep.
-Exactly.
417
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,480
-I get it.
-In a spontaneous way.
418
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,440
-So I'm helping you out.
-Exactly.
419
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,520
Hmm.
420
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,240
Okay, Amanda.
421
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,840
Is there anything else important
that you need to tell me?
422
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,160
While we're at it?
423
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,920
-"While we're at it"?
-Yeah.
424
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,400
-You mean like other body phobias?
-Yeah, something like that.
425
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,480
No, I'm normal.
426
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,080
-Are you?
-Yeah.
427
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,400
-Nah…
-I'm just like everyone else.
428
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,880
-Just a little better.
-Ooh…
429
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,360
A little better?
430
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,240
-Here, take this.
-No.
431
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,280
I insist.
432
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,400
I can't believe they lost your jacket.
433
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,320
There.
434
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,680
You know,
that's so typical of low-end clubs.
435
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,360
-Uh-huh.
-They're the worst.
436
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,280
Right.
437
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,040
Oh, perfect timing.
438
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,840
-Are we taking a cab?
-Of course.
439
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,880
No, no! We can walk, I don't care. Really.
440
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,240
Wait, what?
441
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,680
Of course we'll take a cab.
442
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,120
Walking through Malmö at night?
Do you want to get robbed?
443
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:51,600
-Jump in.
-Okay.
444
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,720
-Hi.
-Hello.
445
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,240
-Welcome.
-Wow!
446
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:05,320
-Would you like a drink? Beer, bubbly?
-Sure.
447
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,960
-Beer, please.
-Yeah?
448
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,000
-Wow.
-Yeah.
449
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,600
-This is so nice.
-Thanks.
450
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,080
-Ah! The king.
-Yeah.
451
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:41,320
I think I've read it maybe…
three or four times.
452
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,240
-His book?
-Yeah.
453
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,760
I AM ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIĆ
454
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,360
-I haven't…
-You haven't read it?
455
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,320
Yet.
456
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,000
It's a classic, come on. Right?
457
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,840
But I live next to the school he attended.
458
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,440
So, if you ever want
a special tour, you know…
459
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,320
…I'm your girl.
460
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,200
Right, so that's a weekend thing?
461
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,800
It's my side hustle. And I've got
stuff that's not in the book either.
462
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,280
And you know that
even though you haven't read it?
463
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,960
-Of course.
-Mm, I see.
464
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,120
I've got good intuition.
465
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,200
Mm.
466
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,320
Do you now?
467
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,160
So do I.
468
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,560
Sorry. Uh, I just need to…
469
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,640
-Where's the toilet?
-It's, uh, down the hall.
470
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,240
-Are you okay?
-Yeah. Of course.
471
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,000
Well…
472
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,720
Would you like a bath?
473
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,040
Sorry, there's a lipstick stain.
474
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,040
Oh, yeah.
475
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,240
I guess it needs to come off.
476
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,400
Come here.
477
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,800
Lift your leg a little. Yeah. Right there.
478
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,000
Let's put a little pillow underneath you.
479
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,320
Hold on, lift your ass up.
480
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,400
Just one more little pillow here. There.
481
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,560
Good.
482
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:26,360
Right.
483
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:31,040
Bridge position. Bridge. Bridge!
484
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,680
There. Arch your back. Arch it.
485
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,120
Turn around. Turn around.
486
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,040
Fuck. Wait, I…
487
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,120
I got a cramp in my leg.
488
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,160
Put your ass up.
489
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,480
Yeah. That's it.
490
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,920
Wait. Head, there.
491
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:02,840
That's it.
492
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,200
There.
493
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,200
Stretch your legs. Stretch your legs out.
494
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,840
There. Fuck, yeah. That's it, that's it!
495
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,000
That's it. You like that?
Check out the view.
496
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:31,800
That was nice.
497
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,640
-You came too, right?
-What?
498
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,960
-You came too?
-Uh-huh.
499
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:38,920
Nice.
500
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,000
Okay, well…
501
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:51,680
I guess I'll head back.
502
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,760
Okay.
503
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,080
Okay.
504
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,040
Uh…
505
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,400
Thank you for tonight.
506
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,040
Hey, can I borrow the book?
507
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,880
-You mean Zlatan's?
-Yeah.
508
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,080
I just thought I should study
before the special tour.
509
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,760
Uh… Yeah.
510
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:30,960
Absolutely.
511
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,080
Please be careful.
512
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,000
Of course.
513
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,600
-The Super Guide.
-Yeah.
514
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:47,800
I'll read it all.
515
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,280
You should.
516
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,680
Yeah. Well, uh, talk soon then.
517
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,400
-Talk soon.
-Right.
518
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,760
-Sleep well.
-I'll go now.
519
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,360
-Bye.
-Night.
520
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:06,640
-See ya.
-Bye.
521
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,640
♪ It was always ♪
522
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,280
♪ What you said it would be ♪
523
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,800
♪ And nothing more ♪
524
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:23,640
♪ Through the smoke screens
And the pipe dreams ♪
525
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,880
♪ And the blood on the floor ♪
526
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,880
♪ You say it's black ♪
527
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,960
♪ Well, it's bound to be black ♪
528
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:43,480
♪ You made up your mind
And you see with that ♪
529
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,840
♪ Baby, if you wanna be right ♪
530
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,160
♪ I will let you be right ♪
531
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,720
♪ I will let you be right ♪
532
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,880
♪ You know that the numbers don't lie ♪
533
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,280
♪ Oh no, the numbers don't lie ♪
534
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:05,600
♪ Two wrongs will not make it right ♪
535
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:20,920
♪ You said, "One and one
And one and one is three" ♪
536
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,520
♪ I know my lines and my graphs
And my math ♪
537
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,120
♪ Honey, that ain't me ♪
538
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,440
You're fucking kidding, Amanda.
539
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,760
What a fucking asshole.
Okay, just… just read it again.
540
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:49,880
The last bit, yeah?
541
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,040
I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
542
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,440
Here. "I wanna be honest,
I've started dating an ex again,
543
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,080
but I also wanna see you,
so I'm conflicted."
544
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,800
But, so… What a fucking asshole! Idiot.
545
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,720
He's conflicted, right?
546
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,520
Right? It's not a "no" then.
547
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:05,800
Uh, seriously?
548
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,920
You'll have to see the chiropractor
after every time you fuck.
549
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,720
Yeah, that's true.
550
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,480
Okay. What do I say?
551
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,280
You say, "Suck my cock,
you fucking pussy."
552
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,600
-What?! No.
-No, don't do that.
553
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,400
Just say, um…
"Well, let's leave it there then."
554
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,080
-You know?
-Okay. That's a good response.
555
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:26,360
Really good. Okay…
556
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:28,920
"Let's leave it there then."
557
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,880
THEN I THINK I'LL PASS,
SO NO, THANKS.
558
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,120
Awesome. Thank you. Love you.
559
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:35,800
-Mm, see you later.
-Bye, sis.
560
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:36,920
-Yeah. Bye.
-Yeah.
561
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,280
SURE, THAT'S FINE BY ME.
562
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,000
WHEN CAN I SEE YOU?
563
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,680
♪ If you want it, you can have it ♪
564
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,840
♪ All the lines on the cellar floor ♪
565
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:55,960
♪ Don't mean nothing ♪
566
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,360
♪ Just a bad dream ♪
567
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,120
♪ Even if you think it's more ♪
568
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,720
♪ Well, you know
That the number's don't lie ♪
569
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,120
♪ Oh no, the number's don't lie ♪
570
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,320
♪ Oh no, the number's don't lie ♪
38268
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