Original subtitles

When I first came to America, I found a land of opportunity where your greatest

wish could come true if only you were willing to fight for it.

So what do you wish for?

Danger?

Speed?

Brutality? Freedom?

What if I said you can have all that and more with...

Twisted Metal.

Twisted Metal is a 22 -episode reality TV competition sending 16 combatants

a high -stakes demolition derby. The only rule?

Survive.

Okay. From the Middle Ages to March Madness, tournaments have enthralled the

masses, but we are spicing things up with cars, guns, and celebrities.

Wait, you got Wesley?

Well, no, that's just an example. But Carson is very into the concept.

Yeah. In future seasons, we'll go national, global.

The world will be a battleground. Just imagine, Hong Kong, Paris, cars driving

up the Eiffel Tower. I don't mean to interrupt your pitch, Mr. Sparks, but

seems very expensive.

I mean, the cars alone.

Which is why we will require drivers to bring their own vehicles.

Picture it. Jay Leno facing off against Jerry Seinfeld as they drive classic

cars from their own personal collections.

Yeah, no way of doing that. And what exactly are they fighting for?

I mean, these are people who have everything.

That's a great question. Just let me get ahead.

The winner of my tournament will get their greatest wish granted.

Uh, what if they want a billion dollars?

We can't shoulder that cost.

Well, you wouldn't have to.

I mean, you know what they say.

Be careful what you wish for.

So no one wins?

I'm not really sure how that will play in primetime.

Right. Uh, do you know why you can't look away from a car accident?

Instinct. It triggers something in your brain. You have no choice but to look,

to question your own mortality.

That is what we will put on screen.

America won't look away.

And if you own the eyes of America, then you own the world.

NBC.

Already owns the eyes of America.

It's called friends.

Well, thanks for coming in. We have something new called BattleBots, which

very similar to your idea. So right now, we're a path.

Path? Path?

Path.

I want my five minutes back.

Very well.

Short -sighted fools.

Battle bots.

Well, if the world isn't ready, then... Well, then I'll just

wait until it is.

None of that shit matters now.

You got me?

Yeah, but, but, John, I mean, what do we do?

We keep fighting.

Pop the hood, then get behind the wheel.

I'm gonna suck.

Clear!

Come on!

Wake up!

Hello!

John!

What? Did we win?

He's dead.

Whoa, a bomb?

Yeah. It was a massacre.

I don't feel so bad about losing, knowing the tournament got cut short.

No, uh, someone did win.

Stu. Stu?

Are you fucking... Oh!

Now I feel worse.

Hey, look, I hate to cut this reunion short, but seeing as we don't have

unlimited gas, it would be really great if someone told me where I was driving.

I don't know.

It's all up to me anywhere by now.

Just head north.

Finally, a map I can read.

Now the real game begins.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't my champion.

Congratulations to... Give me my wish.

And what a wish it is.

A real Whopper.

Are you sure you want it?

Because there's no going back.

Buckle me up, Stu.

Oh, man.

What a fantastic toilet.

Hey, where'd that door come from?

Wow. What service.

I wish to go somewhere safe.

Away from all of this.

Just me and Mike.

Give me my fucking wish.

Thank you for playing twisted math world.

No.

We're here.

You coming?

You want to go in first?

No, you do the honors.

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is your house. You go first.

Jeez. Is your grandpa David Crockett?

No fucking way.

Oh!

Ha! Suck it, losers. This bed is mine.

Ha ha.

Oh, holy shit. This is the life.

That chair's just turned on.

There must be a Jenny somewhere.

Solar energy.

Sounds like gas from the future.

Cool.

Well, aren't you full of surprises?

Hey, John.

I hope you like your chicken soup chunky.

You calling dibs on this room?

No need to.

It was mine.

No way.

It's a lot.

Yeah.

I've never met somebody like this.

Like a big black hole.

It sucks.

I think that's why I needed to win the tournament.

Not just for the outsiders, but...

But for her,

I fucked it all up.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did.

We lost. I lost.

You were just trying to make things better.

Maybe in this world, that's just not possible.

So... It's time we did something.

For us.

It's our turn.

We can make our own life here.

No more cars.

No more violence.

Just us.

So not just us.

The, the, the... When casting a line, you have to

be gentle.

Like with a clutch, right? Pull too hard, you won't be able to get your car

gear. Now, in this scenario, the car is the fish, the hook is the gear.

Or is that the other way around?

I'm fishing.

Listen to someone who's done this before.

You can't shoot what you can't see.

It's a lucky shot. Meanwhile, Mayhem and I are going to fish the right...

Fine, I guess we're wasting ammo

today. Got one!

Oh, headshot.

Tonight, I've prepared trout.

Execution style.

Ooh, damn, that looks good.

So, how's that training going?

Pretty good.

She's already nailing hands from 20 yards away.

God, this is so good. You're doing the cooking from now on.

Yeah, well, quiet shouldn't really get within 50 feet of the pot anyway.

Um, excuse me.

I didn't hear you complaining when you were scarfing down my squirrel souffle.

She was stuffing that shit in her pockets and taking it to the trash.

what? You fucking narc!

It's okay. What?

Babe, we keep you around for your personality and your act skills.

That's it.

Greetings to my loyal Twisted Metal viewers.

I come to you with a heavy heart. Our country is still reeling from the

senseless act of violence committed at my tournament.

Hundreds of innocent insiders were brutally murdered. In response, the

megacities have formed an alliance, the United Treaty of Insiders.

We have conducted a thorough investigation and discovered the

bombers. It was two competitors,

John Doe and Quiet.

What?

I wish for all the walls to come down.

In every city, everywhere.

It's time for the outsiders to get their fair share.

Dudes, what the fuck?

That's not us.

How'd they get my vest?

Prom.

These evil acts are a declaration of war against all insiders everywhere.

We will not let this attack on our way of life stand.

The tournament was meant to be an olive branch to the outsiders.

Unfortunately... That branch was burned.

So now, we will burn you.

The insiders are done hiding.

We will take back our nation by any means necessary.

And when the outsiders are gone, we will finally be free. And there will be no

more need for walls.

Anyone who supports... John and Quiet will be regarded as hostile, and anyone

that delivers them to us will be celebrated as a hero.

Either way, we will have justice.

My viewers, keep your eyes on your screens.

Stay vigilant.

Stay safe.

And John and Quiet, if you're out there watching, just know

that there is nowhere to run.

The world will be a battleground.

How the hell did it find this?

Touch her again and I'll show you what we do with fish around here.

Kristen. Okay, Kristen.

It's me, your brother.

Do you remember me?

Guess that's a no.

May, we gotta get out of here.

Where's Minion?

It's Krista. What? Krista, what about Minion? No, Krista is the Minion.

Krista! See?

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Come with me if you don't want to die.

You?

It's like 2 .0.

Joe! I'll hold her off.

Joe, I say!

Good night, baby.

I was up there in space, all alone, for months.

But all that me time gave me time to work on me.

Okay. My whole life has been Mike and Stu, or Sweet Tooth and Stu.

I was done being someone else's sidekick, so I started working up.

Push -ups, biceps, I worked all the major muscles.

I learned the mechanics of the pod, timed the orbit to crash into the Great

Lakes, and then I started making my way to the cabin.

What did you know about the cabin?

Are you kidding?

You talked about it constantly. Everyone knew about it. We turned it into a

drinking game. Oh, yeah.

I drew a map of it from memory.

That cat is actually a horse.

But I'm bad at drawing horses.

Un -fucking -believable.

So, what's the plan?

The insiders declared war on the outsiders.

We can join the fight.

No, fuck that. We should run.

Calypso blamed us for the bombing.

There's a target on our backs.

There's nowhere safe to go.

Yeah.

I'm not running anymore.

Why are you smiling?

What? I always smile. Not like that. That's a, I have a plan, but you're not

gonna like it kind of smile.

Look, this war between the outsiders and the insiders, it's a game, and it's

rigged. The deck will always be stacked against people like us, unless we take

down the dealer.

Oh, my God, you're not serious.

Oh, I'm serious.

Wait, I'm not following.

Me neither.

I'm going to kill Calypso.

He started this whole war, and he changed my sister.

I don't think she's your sister anymore.

She's minion or it doesn't matter what she calls herself or the fact she looks

at me like I'm a stranger She's still my sister Crystal is in there

The way I see it we take out Calypso we get our lives back

We might get her back too So

you want to travel across a warzone and

hunt down the most dangerous man alive.

Yeah, I'm in.

Uh, did you miss the part where Calypso sent me to space?

Oh. And fully reanimated your sister's corpse?

He's right.

We're gonna need help.

We don't need help.

We need cars.

with a smile to cut you like you want me to cut

that little child inside of me and touch your heart

I gotta say, that was the best night's sleep I've had in years.

What the fuck?

All right, fellas. Best untie me before I hammer -throw your shitty little car

into that river over there.

Hey, yeah. No can do, pal.

We got strict orders to bring your ass in chains.

Oh, yeah? From who?

Your pops.

It's holy to saw you fight the tournament.

He's, uh, real impressive what's become of his legacy.

Daddy?