Original subtitles

You guys are so dramatic.

I heard you were sneaking around our gate.

Trying to find a way out, eh?

Cute.

Have a seat.

I insist.

Hey!

You know...

This gun was handcrafted in 1862 during the American Civil War, designed

specifically for dueling, when things get up close and personal when you're at

war with your neighbor.

The bullets are tiny. Don't do shit.

I could say the same about you.

And I'm surprised you'd leave us.

I thought for sure you'd want to watch your friends in the final round.

Those losers aren't my friends.

Fuck them. And fuck you, you weirdo. I just want to get out of here.

You are delightful.

And I would wish you bon voyage.

But you've got to peek at something you shouldn't have.

I didn't see anything.

Good. There is nothing to see.

Maybe that's why I didn't see it.

See what?

Exactly.

Oh, and if it's all the same, I'd like to have you as my guest for the final

round.

Just to be safe.

It'd be my fucking pleasure.

Thunderbolt!

Rise and shine!

The final round of the tournament is here. In honor of your last morning as

guest, I've arranged a special treat.

Who loves breakfast?

All righty, let's do bacon and cheddar on the first one. On the second one,

let's go a little more intercontinental.

So let's do mushy, feta, and... Oh, is that pesto? Oh, yeah, let's do that.

And for you, cheese.

Not so much to say now that all your little buddies are gone, huh? I can make

new buddies.

But you only had one, and now it's gone.

would want me to kill you and i will in his honor god you're a

fool you've had it in for me ever since i came to blackfield blackfield was my

asylum i was the most popular murderer and then you show up like king shit of

fuck mountain nobody steals my spotlight oh i'm gonna be stealing a lot more

than that when this is all said and done

It's going to be a pleasure to finally put you in the ground.

Yeah, I bet you think you're going to suck me inside of you. And I'm telling

right now, it ain't happening. I don't want you inside of me. I want you dead.

Your omelet, sir.

Oh, is that a salsa bar?

Me, I'm hungry.

how much better sex in a bed is.

Should we tell them?

All I know is you couldn't hit that angle in roadkill.

Hey,

where

are you going?

Come back.

For all we know, the tournament can start tomorrow.

You should try and relax.

I just...

I need to be ready.

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff.

Yeah, my stomach is all twisted, too.

Look, if you worry we're not going to win... It's not that.

I'm worried what it'll take to win.

We knew Calypso wasn't going to make it easy on us.

That's what makes your wish, our wish, worth it.

But if we both make it through this... John, if we both make it, that means we

each gotta get through Raven and Sweet Tooth and Grimm. I know it sounds

impossible. That's putting it lightly. The odds are against us.

Fuck the odds.

We keep fighting until we don't have to anymore.

That's all we can do.

Right?

We keep fighting.

Huh. I noticed you didn't mention Mike or Stu.

Oh, yeah. Maybe we can win.

We're almost at the finish line.

This is it.

That's all I got left of Dave.

It was simple, but also complex, you know?

Anyway, made a full rest as he lived.

Chill as hell.

Are you sure?

Yes.

It's the only way.

You do it.

Not strong enough.

It's done now.

I know Dave was an eater of man.

He probably would have eaten my ass, too.

When I was alone out there, man, he... He had my back.

I should have come back for you.

I was a coward.

My best friend was probably murdered, and I just sat there and let it happen.

Never again, dude.

I'd fucking die for you, Mike.

I won't lose you again.

We ain't dying today.

Go get that wish.

Hell yeah, we are.

Fuck you.

Bring it here, man.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. Love you, brother. I love you, too.

We need to let May down easy.

She assumes she's coming with us. Right, that's what I'm saying. If you break it

to her easy, she might be more chill.

Okay, she won't, but she'll listen to you. She looks up to you. Yes, I know.

That's because I'm a cool friend. You're more of like an authority figure.

Like a dad.

I do not give off dad vibes.

Says the man who grunts when he stands up.

Okay,

all right. Rotate and bow for it.

Ready?

What the hell is that? It's a gun.

Gun beats tire, tire beats road.

No, that's not how you play.

Also, rock, crack, gun. I win.

Damn it, I never thought about a rock.

Mayhem? Where the hell is she?

Oh, fine. Thanks for the hand, dude.

So, uh, does anybody else have a bag on their head?

DRIVERS!

These six drivers compete round after round, destroying anyone and everyone

stands in their way.

They've been watching us the entire time?

Come on, Stuart.

Let's scoot out of here.

Listen to them.

They love me.

Yes!

Fucking sheep.

I've never seen this many people in one place before.

I know.

So many.

And half of them hate us.

Oh, shit. There's mayhem.

She's got good seats.

You think she's okay?

She seems fine.

It's better up there with him than she would be down here with us.

Today, insiders and outsiders join each other

in celebration.

And is there a day more appropriate for unity than Christmas?

This time of year was always about hope.

And my drivers have shown you that if you work hard enough and pull yourself

by your hubcaps, you too can achieve miracles.

You can have your greatest wish granted.

Think I'm missing some here, Stu.

What's with all the wish talk?

It's the entire reason we're here. First I'm hearing of it.

Dude, we talked about the wish in the weird well room place. You wanted to

the coin.

I thought he was joshing.

Joshing? Why would he be joshing?

I don't know. I mean, he seems like a josher. You know, sneaky.

The type of guy to make you throw away a perfectly good coin in some dirty water

and then laugh about it with his friends afterwards.

I'm no asshole still.

But you are a moron.

I wish for all the walls to come down.

You simply must be the last contestant driving.

This day shall henceforth be known as a new holiday.

The day of twisted metal.

Drivers, on your mark.

I'm not alone cause the TV's on, yeah.

Hey, hey!

Dude, what are you doing? Sorry, course I have it. Get in!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Which one of you motherfuckers is first?

Woo! This feels right, baby!

Ah!

Look, I can't do it, man. You're gonna have to drive, too.

With what? Calypso combined my thigh. You're gonna have to steer with it.

I'll take the pedal. Fucking see to me.

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Looks like your friends are already on the ropes

Interesting. And here I thought these two were making you soft.

I've always said that family, friends, they make you weak.

Strength comes from standing on your own.

I see that strength in you.

Can I interest you in some elk cheese?

Delightfully gamey.

I always liked you quiet. Gosh, not too long ago, you were a little fishy in my

tank. I'm glad you got out, because chasing you down is way more fun.

How? You so goddamn fat!

Oh, there you are.

Kill you later, quiet.

You're mine.

John, where are you coming to me?

One car down, and five to go.

Where you going, Grim?

Oh, what have we here?

Grim's my main course, but your nasty little ass can be my appetizer.

Mom's trying to fuck me!

Good thing I brought protection.

Here comes the pain.

A shield? That's not the spirit of the game. Fucking cheater!

Ha ha, kiss me and I'll kiss you back.

What are you doing?

Honestly, it's pretty badass.

Cheat codes?

Pathetic.

Who wants it next?

I want carnage, not trickery.

Fuck the port

field. All I need is four.

There.

Balance restored.

Are you enjoying the show?

Come on, John. Come on, quiet.

Hey, could you help get them off my ass, please?

I had you all set up to win, but you threw it all away!

I'm glad you didn't drive for me. You suck at this. Hey, Raven.

Get fucked.

Kiss my ass, Raven.

Okay, dummy, you go left, I go right. I mean, mix it up a little.

Draven's out.

We're almost there.

I'm trying to line up Grim, but he's squirrely.

Hey,

that killer's mine.

This dibs mean nothing to you people.

Wait, does your roadkill have the red lever?

Fuck yeah, it does.

Line him up.

Uh, predictable.

Right.

Now!

Oh,

yeah,

that's the stuff.

You can kill me.

But at the end of the day, you'll still be a sad, pathetic clown.

Oh, wait. I can.

Now, time for the real fun to begin.

We're close to the end, folks. But I have a feeling some of you out there

love...

without a final boss.

It's wonderful, isn't it? I mean, yes, you could have worn them, but it's

this way. They'll never hold you back again.

Now,

who's

that thing?

A robot or a monster.

A robot monster?

Okay, tough guy. Game on.

Here we go.

God damn it!

Well, guess we gotta do this the old -fashioned way.

This motherfucker.

I like the gut of your jam.

Holy fuck!

What do you want to do about this whole final bar?

I have no idea.

But I'm starting to think Calypso might not want anybody to win this tournament.

Why go through all this trouble? Question for another day. Right now I'm

wondering how to beat this son of a bitch.

Oh, bitch!

Hey, John, remind me. How's roadkill's turning radius?

Fucking awesome!

Now let's show this big red motherfucker what roadkill is made of.

You got it. Lock him on.

Found a weak spot on his back.

Okay, I take left, you take right. We'll outflank them together.

Wouldn't want it any other way.

Game over.

Wake up, dude!

Mike!

I'm so sorry, man.

You didn't deserve this.

I love you, man.

Wake up!

I'll avenge you.

I promise.

All right, you crazy fuck. Time to feel the wrath of...

Wait a minute.

Where is everyone?

Ah.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, please congratulate the victors.

Mike and Stu.

Oh, wait, Mike's dead.

Just Stu.

I won?

I'll be leaving now, you greasy -haired little bitch.

I tried.

Go on. Go to them.

It's not going to matter soon anyway.

We did it, Mike.