Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

[mysterious music playing]

[bell ringing]

All right, all right!

Settle down for your pop quiz now.

-Uh, what is that? -[Simian] Budget cuts.

We also can't afford the full alphabet anymore.

So try and avoid the letters G and T.

Man, this school is ridiculous.

How am I supposed to do math after you sold our calculators?

Ridgewood High's students got laptops, you know.

[sighs] I'm well aware the school needs laptops,

but we decided that the money

would be better spent on toilet paper.

So I suggest you use your immaculate hands

to count, Watterson.

Well, I hope the answer is eight.

How about your brain?

I'm sure it would like to feel useful once in a while.

Uh, just use your phone.

No! Watterson, do you want to grow up

into a meaningless parasite that begs for free stuff

because he has no skill or knowledge to offer society?

Because this is how you become an influencer.

[both exclaiming]

Huh-uh.

Ah, man.

-[bell rings] -All right!

See you all after lunch.

Wait, my phone!

Wait! Ms. Simian!

Hey! Miss Simian!

[dramatic music playing]

Ohhh!

She's stealing.

This is why the school is even more broke

than the vending machine.

Hey, this machine swallowed my change

and didn't give me my--

Ohh.

[gasps] Wait. My phone.

She stole my phone too!

Hey!

-Out the way! -Wait a minute!

[gasps]

What were you trying to do, Watterson?

I saw you...

[whimpers]

I saw, uh... I saw everything you do for us,

and, and uh... it inspired me.

I wanna be a teacher, you know, easy work hours,

long vacations... heh.

[laughing maniacally] Ah!

Well, I don't have time to drive you back,

so you're stuck with me

while I deal with a couple of things.

But it should give you an idea

of the reality of a teacher's life.

You see, in truth, what I do is take care of--

That treacherous punk!

[tires screeching]

[groans]

Salvatore! Where is my stuff?

I don't know! A guy stole it!

-What guy? -I don't know his name!

-[beeps] -[line rings]

[Donut cop] Elmore police.

Uh, yeah. Police. I need immediate assistance.

I got like, uh, 10-48 or whatever.

[Donut cop] You've got... worms?

What the... No, I'm held hostage

by a dangerous individual

and she's already committed every crime in the book,

you're gonna have to come up with new ones!

[Donut cop] Roger that. Stay on the line.

Can you describe the perp?

Uh, female, long black beard, long dress...

the top of her head kind of looks like Mount Fuji.

Around five foot six... Uh, I mean, five foot five.

Wait. Five foot four... Four foot five?

Stay on the line, we're tracking your phone.

Huh? Oh.

[grunts]

[laughs nervously]

[sighs]

[gasps]

You rip me off again, Salvatore,

and the next print you leave

will be your obituary in the papers.

I told you! Some big, ugly guy with a mullet stole it!

Track suit, rough voice built like a fridge...

You know the type.

What I know as a teacher

is that the first report you ever got

was from the police instead of the school.

[groans]

Okay, where were we?

Ah, yes, a teacher's job

is to take care of young minds and change the world

one child at a time.

I'm going to the pawn shop to check if this other guy

sold my stuff for a quick buck.

But just in case I need to sweeten the deal.

Watterson, you take good care of our friend back there.

Hey! Let me out!

[muffled shouting]

Okay, uh, are you comfortable?

Would you like some music? Heh.

Here, um, let me take care of you.

There you go.

-Have a little mint maybe? -What the...

What are you doing, man?

She said, take good care of you and I'm more terrified of her!

So can you please relax and let me massage your feet?

-Aggh! Get off! -Yeah, thanks. Now relax...

-and let me... Come on! -Get... Get off me!

[sighs] He didn't have it.

It's lunchtime and I get cranky when I'm hungry, Sal.

I'm gonna have to use less humane methods on you now.

[grunts]

[kids' song playing]

What's the matter with him?

You'll understand when you have kids.

-[song continues] -[grunting]

[pauses song] What?

There! He's there!

Where? Which car is it?

I lost it, but it was the same guy, I swear

Aah!

[tires screeching]

Ha, Russo.

I should have known.

-Who? -Ahh!

She's a teacher at my school.

What did she teach? Nightmares?

And pain. But I think she was

technically hired as a gym teacher.

Hey, Russo! Don't you know

it's wrong to steal school supplies?

We're not on school ground, Lucy.

Sorry, but we all gotta do

what we gotta do to make ends meet!

[tires screeching]

Salvatore. Get the bag.

That's gonna be a no, thank you.

[laughs]

All right. Waterson, you grab the bag.

[laughing]

Get... the bag!

Um... okay.

[tires screech]

Ah! Oh.

-[horn blares] -Huh?

Aaah!

[crying]

Well, at least she stuck the landing.

Yes!

[laughs]

We've gone this far.

We might as well go all the way.

What do you say, Watterson?

[mumbling in fear]

No, it's okay.

The police are tracking us.

She's going down like a lead baboon.

[chuckles] But of course, let's go.

I can't wait.

[birds screeching]

All right, would you like to come inside?

[laughs] Yes, of course.

Let's go inside.

[birds screeching]

[beeping]

The target has stopped moving, sir.

Okay. Okay. Everybody, move, move, move, move.

[chomping]

[whimpering]

Oh, man, I've gotta do something. All right...

-[grunting] Stop! Ow! -You really thought

it'd be that easy to get rid of me, huh?

Let's drag the key witness down into some dank

troglodyte hole and push him down a shaft or something. Huh?

[gasps] Huh? What the...

[suspenseful music playing]

Okay, so, first of all, this is my house.

So can you put that twig back on my bed, please?

And that's called a stalagmite

just before you accuse me of some sort of crime

against hygiene as well.

I didn't bring you here to end your life, Watterson.

Well, what is that stuff you stole for then?

Oh, this? It's a primeval flute that was given to me

as a prize in 10th grade for inventing fire.

I tried selling it at the pawn shop.

[inhales deeply]

[screeching]

I don't know why Larry didn't think it wouldn't sell.

What the...

What is going on here?

The school funding is shrinking every year,

so teachers have to hustle.

I sold the calculators

to buy charging cables from Sal,

but then Russo stole them

because her PE class

desperately needed skipping ropes and, uh...

Oh, it doesn't matter because...

-Ta-da! -[Gumball gasps]

Wait, how'd you get those?

I actually had to use my own money to buy them.

-Huh? Oh. -[sobbing] Ms. Simian...

So this is why you live in a gross hole

with fossilized doo-doo on the floor... [sniffles]

Wait. So where did all the school money go then?

[upbeat rock music playing]

[growls]

All that matters to me is that

no student of mine will be left behind.

And that is what the life

of a teacher is all about, Watterson.

Oh, no, no. The police!

They're coming for you!

[panting]

I called them on you and hid the phone in your car

so they could track us.

Wait... it's not there?

Ah, I wouldn't worry too much, Watterson.

I taught most of the police force of Elmore.

I taught Salvatore too, you know. Knowing him,

he's probably the one who stole your phone.

Wait. What is this? Hello?

-[explosions] -[screaming]

[helicopters hovering]

We're out of ammo, sir.

Then send the robot dogs!

[upbeat rock music playing]

[Donut cop] Wait... no, I didn't mean, like, literally!

[grunts]

Huh? I guess that's where all the school money went...

up in smoke.

Most of those cops cheated on their test too, you know.

[chuckles nervously]

I think you could make a good teacher, Watterson.

You'll get no respect, no support,

no money, no life, and no love, but...

Huh?

Wait!

I was gonna talk about

how it's the most beautiful job in the world

because you shape the future and stuff.

[Gumball] No, thank you. Bye!

[closing theme music playing]