Original subtitles

[opening theme music playing]

[Nicole grunting]

Ah!

[grunting]

Hi-yah!

Wow. It really is amazing to watch Mom multitasking.

Yeah, I struggle with just tasking.

-[Nicole grunting] -[Richard whistling]

Richard, could you help me out here

and roast that chicken?

Uh, seems a bit harsh.

The guy's already dead, but okay.

-Does something smell foul? -[audience laughing]

He wouldn't know. He's lost his head.

-[audience booing] -Okay.

I knew that joke wouldn't fly.

-[audience laughing] -[drum roll]

-How am I doing? -[cell phone ringing]

Hey, is this thing on? Can you see me?

Hey, Granny Jojo.

We're excited you're coming to dinner tonight.

Mrs. Mom's cooking right now.

Oh, that's what I was afraid of.

Hold me up so I can see what mistake she's making.

Hi, Granny Jojo. [chuckles nervously]

[Granny Jojo] No, no, that's all wrong.

You wanna slice those carrots, not pulverize them.

That's not the only thing I want to pulverize.

What did you say?

How do you turn the volume up on this thing?

-[phone beeping] -Whoa! Ugh. What am I...

What am I? A chicken nugget?

Oh, stupid technol--

[inhales, sighs]

-Richard, about tonight... -Mmm?

Please.

Please don't forget the... thing

we talked about earlier.

Right. Sure. Absolutely. [chuckles nervously]

The thing. Uh...

[whispering] Which thing exactly?

-Richard Watterson... -[gasps]

...do not mistake me for some cheap domestic attendant,

and make me tell you what the thing is again!

Uh... maybe just a little clue?

[screaming]

Ah, I remember. The thing.

Yeah. Uh... I'm on it.

Ugh. Thanks for helping me try to remember

what the thing is, kids.

It was either that or sacrifice one of you

to the demon king of motherhood.

Eh, it's okay.

We know your memory is worse than a goldfish

with short-term memory loss.

You got that right, pink one.

[sighs] Okay. You came in from the shed earlier,

so it must be out here somewhere.

Is this panini press the thing?

Is this theremin the thing?

[ethereal hum]

Is this taxidermied possum the thing?

-[screeches] -[screams]

It was a spraying possum!

I don't know if any of those are the thing.

Hmm. Why is there a half-eaten hot dog inside this book?

Ooh. That's mine.

Sometimes you've got to practice self-care

and only eat half a hot dog so that your future self

can also enjoy half a hot dog in a time of need.

[slurps]

[gasps]

Are you guys seeing this?

A middle-aged man

chopping a wiener outside a shed?

Yeah, and it's not as impressive

as you think it is, Dad.

No, it's like I'm watching exactly what happened earlier

play out right in front of me.

Okay, I think he's finally lost it.

No, I've read about this.

Some people have photographic memories

that are triggered by certain senses.

Like sound, smell, or in Dad's case, taste.

-Hmm. Dad? -Huh?

Eat the hot dog and watch your memory carefully.

Maybe it'll show you what the thing is.

Hmm.

Richard, I thought I told you to clean out the shed.

Yeah, but you said use elbow grease,

which made me think of deep-fried elbows,

but you can't eat those, so I got a hot dog instead.

No.

No. Ugh!

Richard, we're never gonna find the fondue pot in this mess.

[sighs] I hope your mother

likes a microwaved brick of cheese.

[rewinding]

We're never gonna find the fondue pot in this mess.

[rewinding]

We're never gonna find the fondue pot in this mess.

-[rewinding] -...find the fondue pot...

-[rewinding] -...find the fondue pot...

[gasps] I think he figured out how to get it to rewind.

Mmm... kind of wish he hadn't.

I hope your mother likes a microwaved brick of cheese.

Ah! The fondue pot.

That's the thing.

[blows horn]

Honey! Yee!

-Oh! Thanks, Richard. -Mmm-hmm.

But what about the thing?

[gasps] Oh, yeah, I, uh, totally know

that wasn't the thing. Um...

I'll be right back.

The fondue pot was not the thing.

[all sighs]

Well, I guess it's time to flee the country

and get reconstructive surgery to escape Mom's wrath.

I was thinking something like this.

No way. I was thinking the same thing.

-[both] Twins! -[sighs]

Dad, she must have told you

what the thing is at some point.

What other errands did you run today?

-Uh... -Okay.

What foods did you eat today?

Uh... Oh, that's easy.

I ate a small pepperoni pizza,

a vanilla cupcake with pink frosting...

[all] Mmm-hmm!

[Richard] Oh, and butter.

[yelling]

Look at this beautiful vase.

50% off. Whoop!

I guess your mother will just have to hold her flowers.

[gasps] A vase is the thing.

Thanks, Richard.

[softly] But don't forget about the thing.

Sorry, ma'am, but no pecan pie

until your husband exits the display case.

I'm not mentioning this to your mother.

Pecan pie is the thing.

Oh, great. But, you know, what about the thing?

I wanted beeswax candles, not honey!

You know your mother's allergic to it.

[gasps] A beeswax candle.

-[bees buzzing] -[screaming]

Um, that's still not the thing.

[bee buzzing]

[slurping]

[Nicole] No. No.

No.

No!

No!

Yes...

It's a no, isn't it?

Okay. It took some light tomb raiding

and a few international incidents,

but I present to you... the thing!

[mystical theremin music playing]

Thanks, bud.

No! That's not the thing!

[theremin music fades]

Ugh!

[eerie voice] Good luck, Richard.

-[snarling] -I'm sorry, honey.

Please don't be angry.

I'm not angry.

I'm just disappointed.

[groaning softly]

We must have missed something.

I don't know.

Dad has less memory than a floppy disk,

and there isn't anywhere else to look.

If only there was some way that Mr. Dad

could try all the food in one place.

[gasping] I know a place!

A mysterious domain

where one can access any foodstuff they desire.

From pizza to sushi to canned meats!

And what is this faraway land you speak of, Father?

Eh, I'm just going with it.

It's called...

"The Mouth Temple"!

Temple! Temple!

[whooshing]

Uh, we actually had to change the name

to Elmore Shopping.

Mouth Temple wasn't attracting the right customer base.

[chewing loudly]

It's Elmore Shopping!

I must combine all the food I ate today

into a mega memory muck bank!

But it's too much flavor.

You'll get lost in the sauce.

Some things are worth the risk.

[vocalizing]

[groaning]

[mystical music plays]

Richard, I thought I told you to clean out the shed.

Look at this beautiful vase. 50% off...

[gasping softly]

I wanted beeswax candles, not honey!

Children, it worked.

I can see all the memories floating past me

like stars in a galaxy.

[mumbling indistinctly]

I guess we're changing the name again.

Okay, what's the one secret ingredient that I'm missing?

[sighs] I hope your mother

likes a microwaved brick of cheese.

I'm not mentioning this to your mother.

Your mother... your mother... Your mother...

...I'm not mentioning this to...

...your mother likes a microwaved brick of cheese.

I'm not mentioning this to your mother.

...your mother is allergic to it.

I guess your mother will just have to hold her flowers.

Your mother... your mother... your mother... your mother...

-[echoing] your mother... -[straining]

The fondue pot is the thing!

Uh, we did that one already, Dad.

Oh, well, then, I'm pretty sure my mother is the thing.

[all] Oh!

Yeah, I forgot about her.

Oh, this is the worst slot machine I've ever played.

-[kids] Grandma Jojo! -There you are.

Richard, I've been standing here forever.

You know it's no good for my bunions

to be on my feet for this long.

But, Mom, this chair's right there.

You know I don't trust new technology.

[man on PA] Station closing.

Get out while you can.

[in deep voice] Or be stuck here forever...

[in normal voice] ...or until we open again in the morning.

Kids, you grab the luggage, I'll lug the baggage.

-[grunts] -[kids straining]

-[Granny JoJo screaming] -[panting]

[all panting]

[screaming]

[gasps]

No!

-[kids panting] -[Richard] Oh, no!

I didn't get the thing.

I failed you, Nicole.

My track record as a perfect husband

and inspirational father is ruined.

I'm sorry.

I must leave you

and face your mother's wrath alone.

Oh, well, looks like we're here for the night.

May as well get comfortable.

Ah, that's better.

[tense music plays]

Uh... hey, honey, I'm home.

[Nicole in menacing voice] Where's your mother?

Eh... uh... [chuckles nervously]

Uh, trapped in a bus station.

[Nicole] And where are the kids?

Um... also trapped in a bus station.

[gasps]

[tense music building]

[music stops]

Oh, Richard, you remembered the thing.

[gasps]

Muah!

Why does dinner with your mother

have to be so stressful?

What if I find a way to get her and the kids

out of our hair, and we have dinner,

just you and me?

Ah, that sounds like just the thing

I need right now.

Thanks, honey. Muah.

[gasps]

That was the thing.

Oh, I knew you'd remember... to forget...

to remember...

to forget again...

Oh, anyway, close your eyes, come with me.

[gasps] Nicole. It's beautiful.

Oh, and you got the fondue pot in there.

It turns out that thing actually came in useful.

-Here, take a seat. -Oh, yeah.

[chuckles] Don't mind if I fondue.

[both chuckle]

[cell phone ringing]

[all screaming]

[Granny Jojo] Now, which one of you kids is gonna come

grease Granny's feet?

[all screaming]

Wait, was that the kids?

Uh, it was just a bunch of chicken-nugget people.

Now let's eat.

[closing theme music playing]