Original subtitles

[mysterious music playing]

[alarm ringing]

[groaning]

[coughs, groans]

What the... what is going on?

Darwin.

[gasps]

[groans]

Ah, dude, we're late for school.

[sneezes]

Ah, how late?

About seven years.

[both gasp]

[yawns]

Like, five more minutes then.

[opening theme music playing]

Mr. Small's lessons on the dangers of junk food

didn't quite hit home,

so I've agreed to help him illustrate it

in a more striking manner.

-Are you sure about this? -Oh, yes.

It's for the good of the children.

First is chest pain.

-[grunts] -[Mr. Small groans]

I'm never eating Joyful Burger again.

-Then shortness of breath. -[grunts]

[gasps]

Then comes irregular heartbeat.

-[grunting] -[Mr. Small groaning]

Then palpitations.

[shudders]

Until, ultimately, your body is damaged

on the molecular level.

You all right there?

[Mr. Small groans]

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah. We're never eating Joyful Burger

for the rest of our life.

Oh, I was gonna say I was, like, hungry.

[stomach growling]

Mmm, ah...

What the...

Ah... What the-- what...

Stop it!

[both grunting]

Can't eat that!

Hey kids, guess what I got for dinner?

[both exclaim]

Stop it! This food is bad for you!

[breathing heavily]

[screams]

-[car honking] -[tires screeching]

-[gasps] -[horn honking]

[siren wailing]

I told you this food was a health hazard.

[Richard] Good thing I ordered extra ketchup.

It's not that difficult to eat healthy.

-It's a frame of mind. -I don't know, man.

Right now I'm really hungry, and the only thing on my mind

is a burger for some reason.

[festive music playing]

Ugh, these commercials are everywhere. Huh?

Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

You just have to make the right choice.

No! I'm too young to eat like a washed-up actor

pretending to live off a liquid paleo diet for their food blog.

I thought you said you were hungry.

I am, but look at these faces.

They look like they're eating shredded clown

to bring color back into their soulless,

-selfie-addicted lives. -Oh.

Hello, welcome to Joyful...

Namaste, welcome to Health and Grains.

What kind of salad would you like?

Whatever.

My standards are so low right now,

I could eat the great goop that grows around the sink.

Mm. This place has got more, like, California vibes.

I don't think they serve British food.

Two regular chakra-cleansing salads, please, Larry.

[Larry hums]

Order up.

[chuckles] Hey, Larry.

First of all, I just want to say

I stand with essential workers.

But did you just recycle gross burger food

from next door into salads?

Well, there's a little more to it than that.

We also renamed it after some hippy poppycock.

Ah.

-[stomach growling] -[car alarm wailing]

[exclaiming]

[gasping]

I can't believe I went through trouble... [grumbling]

Uh, I'm sorry.

Eating healthy is harder than I thought.

Well, what am I supposed to eat, man?

How about a kiss?

Better?

Hmm. Yeah.

How about we just cook for ourselves?

-[Gumball] Whee! -[laughs]

Wait, what are you doing? Sports drinks.

They have to be good for you, right?

Look, there's abs on it.

That stuff is full of chemicals.

Do you really want aspartahydraxyladrenol

-inside your body? -No.

Sounds kind of like the names billionaires give their sons.

How about low-fat stuff, though?

Ugh. They replace it with high sugar.

-Chicken? -Full of preservatives.

-Instant noodles? -Packed with sodium.

Dagnabbit! What are we supposed to eat?

Some real food!

Here, smell this.

[both sniffing, exhaling]

Hi, welcome to Party Rat's Pizza Palace. Oh, wait.

Hi, welcome to Elmore Shopping.

That'll be $3,078.99.

Are you delirious?

What kind of obscene prices are these?

[both gasp, sigh]

Well, we spent our entire budget on this single avocado.

Here, dude, you take first bite.

[sobbing]

Wait, don't cry. Not everything is lost.

Of course, the avocado egg.

Dude, it's a seed.

And I bet they got plenty more in that dumpster.

Dude, we could grow a whole farm with all these seeds.

Ahem. I'm sorry, guys, but my boss refuses

to let anyone salvage unwanted food.

I have to dissolve it all.

Whew. What's with the sports drinks?

I'm so sorry.

Oh! These really are bad for us.

It's okay, Larry!

We still support essential workers.

[pleasant music playing]

[chirping]

Ah!

[caws]

[roars]

[groans]

It's beautiful!

Okay, let's eat!

[both panting]

Hey, guys.

Larry? You can't do this!

Sadly, I can.

My boss owns the copyright for the seeds you used.

I... I'm so sorry.

[echoing] What are we supposed to eat?

[stomach rumbles]

Hey, would you kids be interested in chocolate

-by any chance? -[gasps] Is it organic?

[scoffs] I meant underpaid labor, harvesting cocoa beans

to make chocolate.

Dude, does every single one of your bosses get their kicks

by drinking the tears of mankind?

Oh, no.

I've only got one boss, but, yeah.

[mimics growling and grunts]

[mimics choking]

Did you just say that one single guy owns

every restaurant, food store, animal, vegetable, seed,

and agricultural means of production in Elmore?

Yeah, Mr. Builder Burger.

[in intimidating voice] Larry, I'd like a word

with your manager.

Well, I can give you his address,

but you'll never get past his security unscathed.

[man] Larriette, bring the light over, will you?

I didn't make my billions wasting money on extravagances.

-[normal voice] Builder Burger! -Ah! Impossible!

How did you get past my security unscathed?

We didn't.

Dude, why are you in a dress?

Oh, he pays his female staff 30% less.

[gasps]

[both gasp]

Huh?

-[exclaims] -[both gasp]

-Oh, you're an actual burger. -What do you want?

We want to... Shake my fist for me.

We want to know why you're poisoning everyone!

We tried everything to eat healthy, and look at us!

I don't have to explain myself. I'm rich.

But seeing as you're children and your bone marrow

might come in useful,

I'll explain things in a way

even poor, uneducated peasants can get.

A commercial break.

♪ Come on down To Joyful Burger ♪

♪ Our food is full of joy ♪

♪ It's also full of monosodium Hydrogenated polyurethane ♪

♪ Glutamate oil ♪

♪ It's pointless to resist ♪

♪ Who wants to read Those old ingredients? ♪

♪ Healthy food is hard ♪

♪ You want that double cheese Fried convenience ♪

♪ People are dumb, dumb, dumb ♪

♪ Joyful Burger You know you want one ♪

♪ Dumb, dumb, dumb ♪

♪ High health risk For the low income ♪

♪ You're clearly rich enough ♪

♪ Can't you stop This corporate greed? ♪

♪ Last year our profits Triple-sized ♪

♪ So did our risk Of heart disease ♪

♪ Give in to those cravings ♪

♪ Joyful Burger makes us ill ♪

♪ Then try our chocolate pie IVs ♪

♪ At the hospital ♪

♪ People are dumb, dumb, dumb ♪

♪ They're rich on top Like a brioche bun ♪

♪ Dumb, dumb, dumb ♪

♪ Eat it up with no question ♪

♪ We just want something Healthy to eat ♪

♪ Juicy flame grilled Mystery meat ♪

♪ We just want basic Consumer rights ♪

♪ Half price double bacon Cheese and fries ♪

♪ Can't you just make Healthy stuff? ♪

♪ Youthful people eating Burger shot ♪

And no. Because I'm rich and completely disconnected

from society,

I will gladly burn it down in the pursuit of money.

Probably because I'm inherently evil.

Or my dad was a corn dog. I don't care.

♪ Because people are dumb, Dumb, dumb ♪

All right, I'm bored now. Get out of my office.

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but this cheap,

heartless Burger Man is right.

[laughs wickedly]

Everyone might be clever as a person,

but we're too stratospherically stupid as a people

to ever get out of his traps!

Well, what are we supposed to eat

if the rich keep poisoning us?

[stomachs growling]

-[clears throat] -[Burger Man laughing]

Huh!

[exclaims]

[laughing]

[both groaning]

[laughs weakly]

[closing theme music playing]