Original subtitles

Something you look through!

Something that flashes!

Oh, I'm so sorry, folks,

but you haven't remembered

all the items on the Prize Escalator,

so you won't be leaving here with the big cash prize.

Aww.

However, I would never let you

go home empty-handed.

Angela!

Alright, let's see which fabulous place we're off to

for next week's show...

the last show of the series!

Well, there we have it!

So, we'll see you next time where, once again...

We'll let the games begin!

And... cut.

Oh!

Thank you so much for playing, you two!

-Thank you. Thank you. -Freddie?

I thought we said I could close the show?

Oh, yeah, sorry, sweetheart.

Just completely forgot!

Oi.

You know this show's given me a fear of escalators?

Just do stairs and lifts now.

-Oi! -Yeah?

-Is my taxi here? -Yeah, I think it's outside.

Yeah, then go fetch my things!

I thought you were my PA.

Yeah...

Well?

I've spoken to them...

and they said yes.

Yes! You won't regret this!

Right.

I've gotta run.

But I will see you next week in...

Erm... Great Slaughter.

Wherever that is.

-Freddie. -Hm?

Just keep this to yourself for now.

-Okay? -Course!

Though I would not want to be you

when they all discover they're out of a job.

Sister Boniface: It's quite simple.

So, the show pairs six people

to partake in a series of frivolous tasks.

The remaining two then have to remember

several items on an escalator

in order to win them all, plus a cash prize.

And people actually watch this?

Why did CC Lowsley ask to meet here?

-Good question... -Oh! Watch out!

Sorry! I'm still getting the hang of this!

Are you auditioning?

I'd rather not humiliate myself on national television.

Oh. Well, I'd be careful then.

Wouldn't want you to fall off your high horse.

Great question, Norm.

I mean, look, the thing is, I'm a natural born entertainer.

You know, during the war, in the Rifle Brigade,

I was the one keeping everyone's spirits up!

And then, after that, toured the theatres,

won "Opportunity Calls," and erm...

here I am.

And Angela!

You've been a part of the show almost a year.

Mm, replaced Jodie.

And those were big shoes to fill.

So, what's it like being the glamorous assistant?

Great! Though, hopefully, I won't be that forever.

Keeps threatening to jump channels!

-You're here! -Yes, sir.

Why, exactly?

All will be revealed, Gillespie!

The Great Slaughter Police Retired Dogs Trust.

-Is that Rexy? -Certainly is.

The finest to ever serve this constabulary.

So, what's this got to do with us meeting here?

Well...

Actually, it's time for the Trust's annual fundraiser.

I mean, the place is in dire need of new kennels.

And whilst organising this is typically,

well, my responsibility,

other commitments... my dramatics, my, erm...

embroidery classes, have somehow got in the way.

So, we have just two days to find the funds.

No, sir. I'm sorry, but I can't.

A share of that cash prize will more than suffice.

And given that filming is tonight and tomorrow...

we'll have precisely what we need

just in the nick of time.

It is for a good cause...

That's the spirit, Button!

Now, come along, all of ye!

Get stuck in!

You too, sister!

Is Peggy auditioning?

It would appear so.

I was thinking...

maybe I could introduce the first challenge,

you know, mix things up a bit?

If it's the marching band, you got to use the old

"They're blowing their own trumpets" gag.

-It's good. -Yeah.

Well, it's fine by me.

Just check with Freddie.

Check what?

I was saying...

I could introduce the first challenge?

It's a little bit last-minute for that, love.

Tell you what you can do...

get rid of that lippy.

Doesn't suit you.

-Headshots to sign? -Dump 'em in my dressing room.

-Do you want me... -And fetch us a cup of tea.

Okay.

Have you told everyone?

This is still happening?

Yes, yes.

Just need to find the right time, that's all.

Hm.

But Sir, why was I chosen?

Well, you clearly impressed, old boy.

As for the others...

Where's Peggy?

Let's just say that her plate spinning

left a lot to be desired.

Oh, thank you so much.

This will be our tasks.

Ooh! Along with our pairings.

What?!

You've got to be kidding me.

Hello, Nigel.

And I'm with, erm...

-Vera. -Yes.

Look sharp, Hector.

I've got my eye on that electric tea maker.

And who is Denise?

Fancy seeing you here.

So, Dottie, dear.

If you were to win the big cash prize,

what would you spend it on?

I'd renovate my café, The Bumbly Bee.

Ooh, fantastic.

New lick of paint sort of thing?

Oh, no!

I want to turn it into an actual bee.

Yellow and black stripes on the walls,

and wings on either side.

Hm! [ Chuckles ] Okay.

I'd buy the limited edition Professor Y Zybok action figure.

Only 500 ever made.

Hm!

Yeah, are you single by any chance, Norm?

Now, it says here that you would like to be an actress.

Mm! You'd use the money for drama school, or...

Erm, yes, and give some to my sister.

She's just had a baby.

Aww! Aren't you sweet?

Here, how do you feel about being paired up with Felix?

Fine.

Just surprised he's doing something so "humiliating."

Ah, we have a comedienne as well as an actress...

We can't all take ourselves so seriously.

Okay!

Now that we've met our contestants,

let's bring on our first challenge.

And cut.

Dress the set.

Actually, hold up there.

I'm sorry, just before we do that,

I have a quick announcement.

Come and gather in, everyone.

Er, that is that...

"Let The Games Begin!" is heading to America.

And er... yeah.

So, whilst yours truly will be heading over there to host it,

it does mean this is the end of the UK show.

So...

Yeah, you might want to start thinking about the future.

So!

Now that Ange and I have shown our contestants how it's done...

let the games begin.

Now, Brian here has been doing the judging.

And with five points...

it's Hector and Vera!

Coming in a close second with four points,

it's Norman and Dottie alongside Felix and Denise.

So, whilst no one goes home this time,

everything changes in the next task.

Cut. Pick the rest up tomorrow.

Denise?

Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot.

And since we're partnered together...

So, what made you want to take part?

We're trying to raise money for a dog charity.

I'll see you in the morning, then...

cowboy.

Ange?

About Freddie's announcement...

Don't.

I'm not a cleaner, Freddie.

No, but last time I checked, you still work for me.

-So, sort it. -Alright.

-This is coffee. -Yeah.

You know what this does to me!

Makes him even more of an insufferable sod?

Everyone set?

Okay, in three, two...

Yee-haaaw!

Now, coming up in our next challenge,

one of the pairs will ride the bull holding a basket

whilst the other tosses a beanbag for them to catch.

Judging will be Bucking Bronco Champion Brad Hunter!

But as always, Ange and I will be up first

to show you how its done.

Ow!

Actually, you, erm...

You know what, Brad?

You're the expert. You can show us.

Alright. Saddle up then, partner.

Up you go!

Alright, let's get this rootin', tootin' show on the road!

It won't stop!

Cut. Cut!

Well, I mean, clearly, this is a tragic accident.

What is it?

This wire.

Deliberately exposed in the motor

and attached to the underside of the saddle horn,

effectively making the bull live

the moment that the wires touched.

And this leather.

Torn to ensure direct contact with the current.

Meaning that this wasn't an accident.

Judging by these indentations,

the sabotage was conducted using a tool of some sort.

What is that?

Samurai sword letter opener.

A somewhat niche item.

Whose condition suggests it was not used by our culprit.

Bingo!

One prize tool-kit minus a screwdriver.

I don't understand... why would anyone want to murder

a bucking bronco champion?

Actually... he wasn't supposed to be

the person that was riding it.

I mean, why would anyone want to kill me?

Aside from those you've just told were unemployed,

is there anyone in particular

you think might be behind this?

Er... no one springs to mind.

Right, well, you'll have to halt filming.

But this is our last show in the UK.

Gillespie.

I mean, surely, you can conduct your enquiries around the games.

Think about Rexy.

Fine, but our investigation comes first.

Yes.

I will need protecting!

At your service, sir.

Although, obviously,

I will have to fit that in around the tasks.

Given the busy set,

our culprit couldn't have sabotaged the bull unnoticed.

Meaning it had to have taken place

with hardly anyone around.

We're speaking to those that stayed late last night

or arrived early this morning.

I'm always in early. This is my show.

Course I was here late.

It takes forever to get out of these outfits.

I stayed behind last night to talk to the director Giles

about breaking into the industry.

Not that I got the chance.

I work late most nights.

Freddie can be... demanding.

He's been the same since his variety days.

I knew I recognised you. "Archie and Malcolm."

-Yeah. -What's this?

Oh, I used to be in a double act.

We toured a variety show with Freddie.

Sister Boniface: They were most amusing.

And you were also on "Opportunity Calls"?

-Mm! Yeah, again, with Freddie. -Did you win?

No, Archie's nerves got the better of him.

So, now, I do this.

Sorry! So sorry. Oh, awful habit.

Mine, not yours! You've got... this is very nice.

It's really... it frames your face.

Given that you're Freddie's assistant,

have you noticed anything unusual over the last day or so?

Erm... now you mention it,

there was that really big mess in his dressing room

that he asked me to clean up.

What mess?

Why didn't you say someone had been in here?

Given the state of this room,

it looks like they were searching for something.

It was just probably a member of the crew.

You know what they're like, just rummaging around.

So, you weren't aware of anyone else?

No, just me and Malcolm.

Hmm. A champagne cork.

Which appears to have some sort of powder on it.

Yes, well, I treated myself to some Champers last night.

You drank a whole bottle to yourself?

I was celebrating. Right, I'm needed on set.

I think Freddie knows precisely who was in here

and the reason why.

Then, why not tell us?

Well, obviously, to keep us in the dark.

Makes me wonder what else he's hiding.

Sister, look.

This drawer's been forced open.

Perhaps they took what they were looking for?

Potentially.

Though, seemingly...

they've left something behind.

So, let's start with the cork.

Spectroscopic observations show that the powder that was on it

is, in fact, make-up foundation.

Contradicting Freddie's claim he was drinking alone?

Well, not necessarily.

Freddie will no doubt be given an application

of on-screen make-up.

I'll perform a comparison test to see if it's his.

-Anything else? -Oh yes.

Those headshots that we found.

The substance on their surface

turned out to be minute flakes of cedar wood.

And given that these flakes appeared masticated,

I decided to run a Phadebas test,

which showed they were covered in saliva...

And that all means?

Well, cedar wood is primarily used to coat pencils.

So, for these flakes to both fall onto the headshots,

as well as contain saliva,

I'd deduce whoever forced the drawer open...

had to have been chewing theirs.

Alright.

I was in there first thing,

but I had no choice.

A few weeks back, the show visited my hometown.

I caught up with an old friend.

An old... flame.

Joanna, my wife...

I love her more than anything.

It's just...

just always being on the road.

The night it happened,

Freddie must have still been around.

He took some photos, showed them to me.

He'd heard rumours about America.

He said if I didn't take him, then...

he'd show Joanna everything.

It was these photos that you were looking for earlier?

Yeah. All I found were those headshots.

So, you decided to permanently end Freddie's blackmail?

No!

I mean, look...

I hate what that man is doing to me.

But at the end of the day,

I created this mess.

Watch the egg.

Okay, ready? Ready?

Remove yourself from my person immediately!

Then, how is this supposed to work?

In a way which does not involve your hand on my...

-nether regions! -Oh!

Ready, Neil?

Actually, Miss Thimble, it's Norman.

Like it's always been.

Really? I'm ever so sorry.

And...

That's it, Norma!

So, you went from palm trees and beaches

to village fetes and bell ringing?

Yeah, it was quite a shock at first, but...

now, it's... home.

So, why Great Slaughter of all places?

Actually, I was meant to be going to Scotland Yard.

We were meant to be going to London.

We?

Erm, I should probably...

-Okay... -Blimey.

Just met and you're already tying the knot.

He's cheered up.

How do you mean?

Oh, last night, has laying into that Freddie.

Something about him ruining a big chance for him.

I've been his dogsbody for years,

so when I saw a job opening for a variety show manager,

I finally went for it.

They said all I needed was a half-decent reference,

which he said he'd give me.

-And that wasn't the case? -Well, they called yesterday.

Said that they'd gone with somebody else.

I knew he'd ruined it.

So, when I asked him why, he said it's because

he decides when the end of our engagement is

because he employed me when no one else would.

You must have felt aggrieved.

That's putting it lightly, but I'm not gonna kill the bloke.

Wasted enough years on him as it is.

So, why stick around, unless it was for a specific reason?

There is... money.

The cheapskate's sorted it so the show pays me.

So, if I don't stay until the end,

I don't get this month's paycheque.

But when I do, you are not gonna see me for dust.

So, the aim is to take the eggs over to the basket

without dropping them.

Sadly, mine and Ange's attempt was far from eggcellent.

Without further ado...

let the games begin.

-Careful, careful. -Okay, okay.

-Yeah! -We did it!

Just take me in your arms!

What sort of talk is that for a married man?!

-We're doing it. -Of course, Nathaniel.

It's just like having three legs.

We're nearly... nearly there.

Beep, bee-beep, bee-beeeep!

And with the scores added in from the last round,

Dottie and Norman lead Felix and Denise

by just one point.

But what does this mean, Ange?

You tell me.

It, er...

It means that, sadly, Hector and Vera,

you will be leaving us.

Alright, let's move on to our final challenge.

And cut.

Look, I get that you're upset about the show, but...

some professionalism?

Well, thank you, Vera, for being about as much use

as a handbrake on a canoe.

We're really going to be relying on you this time, Livingstone.

Although, you do have the advantage

of my extensive expertise.

And erm...

...perhaps something else.

Ah, Freddie.

Look, we've just had some interesting conversations

with both Malcolm and Giles.

And even if you'd rather we weren't aware of your behaviour,

we need to know who might want to hurt you.

Like I said...

can't think of anyone.

Where is that director?

You alright, Mrs Clam?

I should think not, given that this pitiful consolation prize

they have given me is defective.

That's strange.

It appears to be deliberately torn.

I'll be as gentle as I can, Mr Bear.

What on Earth are you doing?

Evidently, uncovering what someone deemed to be...

the perfect hiding place.

Oh...

The striation marks from the screwdriver

matched those on the bull meaning this was our tool.

But why hide it in the bear?

Sister Boniface: A moment of panic, perhaps?

The handle contained no clear prints,

though, interestingly, there were several fibres present.

Microscopic examination shows they're flock fibres,

the type used on velvet clothing.

Oh, and they're also purple.

So, we're looking for someone who wore purple velvet?

Potentially, though there are several uses

of this specific fibre, of which I've compiled a list.

Clothes, curtains, interiors.

Basically everything?

Okay, we'll search the studio

and I'll ask Felix to keep an eye out.

Oh, erm, and there's also the matter of the cork.

Now, Freddie's foundation is actually cream-based,

primarily made of mineral oil, stearic acid, and oxychloride.

Whilst the one on the cork is a powder foundation

consisting of talc, zinc oxide, and kaolin.

So, in layman's terms,

someone else was with him last night?

It also transpires that there's only one person on the show

who uses that particular foundation.

After his announcement,

I took some champagne to his dressing room,

to celebrate.

I also wanted a chat.

I'm always the assistant, seen and not heard.

But that's not enough!

I want to be the one presenting.

And Freddie knew this?

Ever since I started.

Even promised to mentor me

to the point where I'd eventually co-host.

Now he was going to America, I thought...

this could be my break, that I might go, too.

He said I could.

Though, there was a condition?

I had to prove...

how much I appreciated him first.

Afterwards,

I asked, "What now?"

He started laughing.

He said he couldn't believe I was so naive.

That a bit of crumpet like me...

could never be host.

Here.

As reprehensible as that is,

it does give you strong motive.

I know, but this wasn't me!

It wasn't!

Because no matter what happens to Freddie...

I'd still feel disgusted with myself.

She was adamant

that Alfred Hitchcock was in her café,

so I ran across town!

And when you arrived?

Turned out to be a plumber called Dave.

You know before, when you said "we"?

I mean, we don't have to if you'd rather not.

No, it...

It was, er...

myself and Victoria.

My fiancée.

So, I came here first on secondment.

And when I realised I'd be here for longer,

she decided to join me.

But when she did, we both

realised that we wanted different things.

And what do you want?

-Sam. -Felix.

-Have you spotted any... -No. Not yet.

-Oh. -Rex!

The very same.

I just wanted to remind Livingstone

what he's playing for.

Well, aren't you the most adorable,

fluffy, obedient boy!

Have you ever seen a finer creature?

Let's hope Felix can give him the retirement he deserves.

Lunch, sir?

Sister?

-Our search. -Oh, yes.

Of course.

Well, get practising, then!

Rexy's counting on you.

You've never danced the tango?

Not yet, but...

if you can tell me what to do.

Okay. Alright.

It's all about finding the rhythm.

-Okay. -Okay?

-Here? -Yeah.

-Right. Okay. -Okay.

-Alright. -Okay.

-I'm so sorry. -Don't overthink.

-Alright. -Okay.

-That's it! -Ah-ha!

You're doing fine.

So, no purple velvet in any of the dressing rooms.

Perhaps the control room might prove more fruitful.

I dare say Felix is rather enjoying himself.

What is it?

Er... may I?

I believe we've potentially found

the source of our fibres.

The additional checks we carried out

show that your half-sister's, Jodie,

the glamorous assistant before Angela.

Erm...

She and Freddie had a thing.

Not that anyone knew.

Then, she got pregnant, had to leave the show.

He made her promise not to tell anyone.

He said that he'd look after them, but...

instead, he just cut her off.

She tried contacting him, but...

couldn't get anywhere, so...

I decided to try for the show,

and talk to him in person.

And that's the real reason you stayed last night.

I just wanted to chat with him.

But when I went to his dressing room,

he was already in there with someone else.

So, you sabotaged the bull?

Avenged the way he'd treated Jodie?

What? No, no, I...

I'd never do that. Felix, tell him!

We are comparing fibres that we found at the crime scene

against your hair ribbon.

If they match,

the likelihood is you will be charged

with the murder of Brad Hunter.

I didn't... I didn't do this!

Please, you have to believe me.

Felix! P...

Well?

We need confirmation from Sister Boniface

before we even consider charging her.

So, technically, she can still play?

Remember Rexy-poos.

If she was to play, it would have to be

under police supervision.

-Are you fine with that? -Of course, he is!

Right!

I'll start the car.

If you're not comfortable.

She was just a contestant.

So, this is it... the last ever challenge.

Joanna all set for the States, then?

Actually, she's staying here.

She didn't fancy relocating.

So, you're just going with Freddie?

Yes, yes. We fly out tonight.

That soon?

They want to hit the ground running.

I'm sorry you're both not coming.

What about you, Ange, you got anything lined up after this?

Not yet. Though my agent said

people are always looking for pretty assistants.

Yeah, that's not for you, though, is it?

You want to be in front of the camera, not to the side.

Even if that's true, It'll never happen.

Don't be so sure.

All you need is one opportunity.

If you grab that, there's no stopping you.

-Well? -I've run some TLC tests.

The dye components in the fibres of the hair ribbon...

close but not conclusive.

Meaning?

They're not a match.

So, now what?

And now, it's our contestants' turn.

And after this challenge,

whilst one of the pairs will be going home,

the other pair will take on the Prize Escalator.

So, without further ado, let the games begin.

You alright?

I'm fine.

Of course.

Talk to me.

You know I didn't do this.

-Felix! -I'm trying to concentrate.

Maybe I wasn't completely honest.

That's putting things... mildly.

-Freddie? -What do you want?

What are you doing?

So, that's it, then?

We just pretend like nothing's ever happened between us?

I don't know what you mean.

What I mean is...

I thought I was paired with someone I couldn't stand.

But then I got to know the real you.

Help me! For crying out loud!

-Malcolm! Put the... -Don't come any closer!

Where's Freddie?

Go on. Go on.

Wow! Now, that is how you do the tango.

Though, personally, I prefer ballet.

More to the pointe.

Though, I did try tap dancing once.

Kept falling in the sink!

How did you know?

We found purple velvet fibres at the crime scene.

Then, I recalled how you smoked

and the cigarette case you carry

with its purple interior.

-Malcolm, can y... -No.

Malc, if this is about a reference, then I can...

I'll call them.

-Or get you a better job... -It's not about that!

It's about him.

It's about Archie.

Y...

I know what happened on "Opportunity Calls."

Sister Boniface: Malcolm.

What you said about Archie having stage fright that day...

May we assume that Freddie had something to do with it?

Last week, Archie called me.

We hadn't spoken in years

'cos he'd gone off the rails when we stopped doing the act.

Was drinking himself into an early grave.

But he said before he went, he wanted to tell me the truth.

Well, perhaps you can tell us now.

Put that thing down.

The night before "Opportunity Calls,"

all the acts went out for a drink.

We were chatting, and we got onto the war.

Archie never spoke about the war.

But for some reason, that night, he did.

And he said he was part of the Rifle Brigade.

And I remember Freddie kept pushing,

asking question after question.

Because Archie was lying,

and Freddie knew that because it was his infantry.

But why would Archie lie?

'Cos it turned out that he was a conchie.

Which makes sense because he was a man

that existed to make people smile.

But Freddie knew what people would think.

So, he said to Archie to throw the performance

or he'd tell the world the truth.

That was his way of getting rid of the competition.

-Get back! -Malc, I...

Look, I know you're upset, but...

I always thought you were the talented one.

You know, I'd never have thought he'd have even made it.

We're not gonna know now!

'Cos you're swanning off to America

and he's in a box in the ground!

Malcolm.

Why don't you...

why don't you tell us what happened last night?

Well, I went to confront him.

We argued about the job before,

but that was nothing compared to this.

-Freddie? -You're back?

Like I said, it's my decision.

I decide who stays, I decide who goes.

My decision.

Archie's dead.

Who?

Archie!

Who I used to perform with!

Oh, yeah.

That loser who bottled it on live TV?

I'm sure you'll struggle to find anyone who cares.

Look, I was so young. I was so stupid, Malc.

If I could just take that back, then I...

No, you wouldn't!

You wouldn't 'cos you'd happily destroy

anybody that gets in your way!

And somebody's got to put a stop to that.

Think about Archie.

The person you described.

He was someone who wanted to make others happy.

For whom violence was never the answer.

But what he did to him.

Sister Boniface: I know.

But I've also no doubt that if he could see you now,

consumed by such hatred...

You kill Freddie, that's all you and Archie

will be remembered for.

And given who he was, and what he so strongly believed in,

he wouldn't want this.

Malcolm.

Pathetic, eh?

Losers, stuck in the past like that.

Still, we've got a plane to catch.

No.

No, we don't.

You're not going to America, Freddie.

Really?

Well, I best just go call Joanna.

I'll save you the bother.

I'm gonna tell her everything.

Which means keeping the show here.

Working on being the husband she deserves.

Hey, Giles, let's not rush into any...

Also, the move to America

meant we never renewed your UK contract.

I think it's time for some new blood.

N...

Who could replace me?!

I think we've earned ourselves a drink.

Oh, affirmative. Oh, but wait!

Who made it to the Prize Escalator?

There's been an arrest.

Someone confessed.

Look I'm sorry about...

No, I'm sorry.

I wanted to be honest, but...

the more I got to know you, the more complicated things became.

But now...

If I'm being honest,

after Victoria,

I was sure I would never be able to do this again.

But after meeting you...

I know I can.

Just... not yet.

Right.

You ready?

An oil lamp.

A fondue set, yeah?

A tea maker!

Erm... a leather suitcase!

A cuddly bear!

Ah-ha! That's it! You've won our big cash prize!

Congratulations.

Although, as our series does come to an end...

So does Freddie's time on the show.

Because there's a new host in town... me!

So, I'll see you next time when, once again,

we'll let the games begin!

Cut.

Thank you, splendid.

Well, seeing as my bear was defective...

A toast, if you please.

To a colleague of mine.

One who has never shied away from a challenge.

One who is totally committed to this constabulary.

And has taught... well...

even me a thing or two about honour...

and humility.

So!

Raise your glasses, please...

to Rex!

To Rex.

Don't worry, I'm sure you're now Great Slaughter Police's

-second finest member. -Mm.