Original subtitles

If you was in a real fire

who would you want to rescue you?

A pretty little young thang.

Little young tenders?

Or do you want a real fireman to rescue you?

Why can't you accept the fact

that a woman can do anything a man can do?

'Cause it ain't true.

Now get outta my face, sister soldier.

I'm telling you.

This Martin guy would be perfect

for our late night talk show.

Don't you think he's a little too...street.

Well, street is in now.

Listen, believe me.

I've been a Network Executive for almost..

...two weeks now.

I know what I'm talking about.

But he's so..

...short.

All the big stars are short.

Gary Coleman, Emmanuel Lewis

Bart Simpson.

I'm telling you, this Martin guy

he's gonna be bigger than all of them.

Alright, have our people call his people

set up a meeting.

I'm telling you, John

this Martin guy, is our man.

Yeah, that's right, I'm the man!

He's the man.

Good, yes.

Yo, man, why don't they just pass it to Ramen?

Ramen? I don't even see him?

He's right there in the corner, Tommy.

Kicking the photographer.

Goalie Cole!

What's happening? What's happening?

What's up, Cole, where you been, man?

The game started an hour ago.

Hmm, been out doing some heavy thinking.

Well, that accounts for 30 seconds.

Ha, ha, ha!

Always joking, man. Damn that's your problem.

Yo, what the hell's wrong with you, Cole?

I-I don't know, Tommy

but he better cuten up

on that attitude in my house.

Oh, sh.. Look, man, I'm sorry, man, alright?

Martin, I've been out walking and thinking

at the same time and..

That ain't easy.

But, uh..

...thinking about asking Shanise to marry me.

Okay, Cole, you had one thought in 30 years and

and that's what you came up with?

Cole, Cole, Cole, come on, you can't be serious, man.

No, no, no, Tommy, see, that's the thing, man

I am serious.

Alright, look, Shanice is the

best thing that's happen to me, man.

I mean, I like her. Moms likes her.

- And we are here mentally. - Mm.

You understand?

So, I'm gonna just go ahead and tie the knot.

Cole, you can't even tie your shoes.

Shanice taught me how to do it.

We're made for each other, man.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you what, Cole.

If you really love her! Right?

And you feel that you can't live without her.

Hell, man, maybe you should just go for it.

Yeah, Cole, you don't want to rail it

if that's what you wanna do.

You know what I mean and you're happy

go for it, man.

- For real? - Yeah.

Well, that's what I wanted to hear, man.

I'm gonna go ahead and do it. That's what I wanted to hear.

And look, if it, if it don't work out

neither one of y'all ain't got nothing.

- Mm-hmm. - And you know what they say.

"Nothing from nothing, please what?"

Not a damn thing.

Right, right, right, okay.

- Right? - Yeah, you're right.

Hello.

Yeah, this is Martin.

Yeah, I'll accept the charges, who's this?

You ain't gotta get smart. Hey, look you called my house.

Hell, yeah, I'm interested.

Okay. Yeah, yes.

Um, set it up, okay? Yeah.

Hey, who was that?

That was my lawyer.

Ooh, go ahead there, big time.

Marty Mart, look alive.

Um, where-where are you located?

Uh, San Quentin.

The-the brother's on lockdown

but-but they say he know a lot about law.

You know and all I gotta do is

pay him in cigarettes.

You know what I mean?

Hey-hey, man, what you need an attorney for?

What do you mean what I need an attorney for?

Cole, he's handling my business, man.

You know until I get an agent.

Oh.

- And guess what? - What's that?

A major network wants to take my show..

...national.

Eh! Problem. Yep.

Hill Billy's ain't gonna be digging you down in Nashville.

That's National fool!

You know what, Mart, I'm happy for you, man.

You always wanted this to happen, man, that's cool.

Thank you, Tommy.

You know, they're flying out from L.A.

to meet with me tomorrow.

And, they say they're gonna make me

just like Montel.

Yeah.

You mean, they're coming all the way out here

from L.A. to shave your head?

No, stupid, that mean he's gonna be stomping with the big guys.

Yeah, Tommy, I'll be like a fat man

at a all you can eat buffet.

You know what I mean?

What that mean?

I'm about to blow up!

Hey, check it, check it, check it.

A married man..

...gotta need some ends. You know what I'm talking about?

You go in it and hire me to be your side kick.

Well, that's not a bad idea, Cole.

'Cause you're already damn good at chilling on my couch.

No. No fluorescent lights.

This is a marketing firm, not the DMV.

Let's just go with natural light, okay?

Thanks.

Surprise!

Pam!

Pam! What.. What are you doin' in L.A.?

Well, the record company flew me out here

to look for the next Whitney.

So you know I had to come see my girl.

I miss you!

I miss you. I miss everybody.

I've miss Martin. Oh, I can't wait to see Martin.

I couldn't wait to get away from him.

Whatever.

So, Pam..

So this job sounds like it's incredible.

Oh, girl, it is. It's the bomb.

You know what the best part about it is?

I don't have to take orders from Mr. Whitaker anymore.

Ah, Gina, I just..

Ooh.

Ah, Pam..

Damn. Um.. What are you..

Did you get that pink slip I left you?

Yes, I did, Mr. Whitaker.

And you didn't have to tack it

to the front door of my apartment.

I worked for you for five years

you could have at least told to to my face, man.

Well, I just thought it'd be easier on both of us, you know.

Yeah, right.

But that's okay. That's okay.

Getting fired was the best thing that ever happen to me.

Cause I work for "Keep it real records" now.

Oh, that's great, Pam.

Now I don't have to pay you that

unemployment insurance.

Nice outfit.

That cheap..

You know, what, Gina, you better watch your back.

You better watch your back.

'Cause Mr. Whitaker's layin' off people left and right, girl.

I am not worried about him.

Mr. Whitaker needs me.

No, he doesn't.

Oh, Pam.

He's just letting me set this office up

then he's gonna let me go.

Pam, I heard he's planning

on closing the Detroit office.

Well, what are you gonna do, G?

I don't know.

I guess, Martin's gonna have to pay all the bills.

Oh, you're all straight then.

You know, you all be straight.

I hear leprechauns come with a pot of gold.

That was funny.

What about my plight, that thing's is awful.

Yo, Martin what's taking you so long, man?

We gotta get ready for that meeting.

'I can't decide what to wear.'

Wait, shouldn't he wear some clothes?

Mm, good call.

I might agree with her on that one, man.

Okay? Bosses don't like when you show up butt naked and ashy.

- Trust me on this. - Thanks for sharing.

Come on out here, man, we'll help you decide.

So, what'd you think?

Ooh..

Nice.

Yes.

Yes, that suit is the biz on, boy.

- Thank you. - Oh! Oh!

Oh, and the pants is laying

oh, so right, look at it, look at it.

Alright, I..

B-boy, don't get me started on the shoe.

- I hate it. - I hate it too.

Oh, so-so you were just souping me up?

Hey, that's what a good sidekick's supposed to do.

Man.

In other words, you're just kissing ass.

Basically.

Yo, man.

I guess, this Johnny Carson look ain't working for me, huh?

Won't work for Johnny neither.

Okay, this is what you need, man.

You need a outfit that says

"You need me more than I need you."

Clothes can talk?

How come you never say anything to me?

Cole, if you're havin' any second thoughts

they should be kickin' in right about now.

Oh. Oh, by the way, never, never discuss salary.

Speakin' of salaries..

Excuse me.

- What? - It's private.

Would you just..

Oh, man. Goddamn.

Guilty.

How much I'll be making?

Same amount Tommy makes at his job.

Oh, Cool, cool. Flash.

We making the same amount of money as Tom..

Wait a minute.

You know what, Martin.

Look, I'll-I'll help you pick out your clothes

from the same place I get mine.

Cool, so I guess we're going shopping

at the "Big and Bald" store.

That's Big and Tall, Martin.

That's what I said, James Earl dumb.

Let's roll, man.

- Alright, man, I'll holler. - Alright.

You look good.

Stop kissing butt.

Gina, we've got to talk.

Ah, yes-yes, sir. Um..

Of course, sir, you just have a seat.

Okay, thanks.

Seat.. Have a.. Have a seat.

Ah, Gina, market surveys have come in

and the news is not good.

Surveys?!

I mean, what do they know?

They-they don't show what's in people's heart.

Their commitment, their dedication.

Well, they tell me that I've gotta let some of my people go.

So..

It's true, you're closing the Detroit office

and-and everyone there is out of a job?

That's right. That's what I wanna talk to you about.

Mr. Whitaker, this is really cold.

A-after everything that I've done

for this company what are you gonna do?

You're gonna leave a pink slip on my door too?

No, I just did that 'cause I'm scared of Pam.

But you've done such a great job setting up our L.A. office

we were hoping you'd stay and run it.

Let me get this straight, you're-you're not laying me off.

Hmm, not if I can help it.

How does "Senior Vice President" sound to you?

Like music to my ears!

Oh, Mr. Whitaker, this is like a dream come true!

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

Senior Vice President

Oh, Mr.. Oh, hold it.

Wait a minute, rewind.

Umm..

Di-did, you say, "Stay here in L.A."?

That's right.

But-but I live in Detroit.

Then you'd have to move.

Otherwise you'd have one hell of a commute.

No, Mr. Whitaker, you don't understand

my whole life is in Detroit.

No, I-I understand.

You'll probably wanna talk it over with Marvin.

That's "Martin."

Oh, whatever. Whatever.

Uh, look, when you and Marlin get through

talking this thing over

get back with me as soon as you can.

I will.

Mr. Whitaker, thank you so much.

- Alright. - Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks.

Martin, Martin, baby.

Oh.

Yo, G, is everything cool?

I just saw Mr. Whitaker leaving here.

He threw you under the bus, didn't he?

Did he close the Detroit office?

See, that-that no good, bald headed, grey beard..

- Son of a-- - Pam!

What? What? Did I leave something out?

No, Pam.

Mr. Whitaker promoted me to Senior Vice President.

- What? Yes! - Yes!

That's wonderful.

Oh, there's just one catch though, Pam.

What's that?

He wants me to move to L.A.

- Ooh. - Ugh, God, Pam.

What am I gonna do if Martin doesn't wanna move?

I can't believe this, Pam.

I get offered the job of a lifetime.

- I can't even take it. - What?

Wait a minute. What do you mean you can't take it?

Girl, you better go for yours, what's stopping you?

How can I take a job in L.A.

when my husband lives in Detroit?

Like I said, "What's stopping you?"

- Pam. - Alright, alright.

But Gina, there's gotta be a way that we can squash

this East coast, West coast thing.

If Martin doesn't go for it.

Peace.

Shut up, Pam.

Look, I-I just gotta convince him that

moving to L.A. is the best thing for both of us.

- That's what I have to do-- - Ai-ta-ta-ta.

You might wanna do that in person.

Girl, this might be the hardest sell of your life.

Yeah, you're right.

Hey, how about this? I'm flying back today.

Why don't you just come with me?

- That's a great idea. - 'See?'

I'll start making arrangements.

See, and while you're doing it

you might wanna pick up a little somethin'-somethin'

from Trictoria's secrets.

Yeah, so that when you're in the height of passion with Martin

all you gotta do is scream out

"We're moving to L.A.!"

At that point he'll say yes to anything.

Pam.

That'll never work.

Oh, it does for me.

And besides, the best part about it is

you don't have to talk about it afterwards.

'Cause little man'll be asleep.

And all he'll be hearing..

Out. Knocked out.

Okay, Martin, look, when the Network Execs get here

let me act as your manager and because we're boys

I'll just charge you one percent.

- Cool. - Alright.

Oh, okay, okay, now remember, man.

Let me do all the talking, if they sense that you're too eager

they'll walk all over you.

Sure, Tommy for National show they could

they could run, jump..

Hell, they could even stomp on me, man.

Gentlemen. How are you? Come on in.

Nice to meet you. Tommy Strawn.

Martin Payne, it is a pleasure

to meet you in person.

Hey, fellas, hi. Won't you have a seat?

- Yeah. - Thank you. Thank you.

We are big fans of your show.

Huge fans.

When we saw your tape, we knew that you had the right kind of..

...raw energy we want for our new talk show.

Well, uh, you know how I do.

Yeah.

Well, look I'm Martin's manager.

I'm Tommy Strawn of "Thomas Strawn and associates."

Well, we are gonna make your client the hottest thing

on late night since Arsenio.

Maybe you will, maybe you won't

you gonna have to show us the money.

Okay.

Well, how does, uh..

...this figure..

...grab you?

Damn, you're almost as funny as Martin.

Where's your real offer?

- Are you out of your mind? - What?

- Donald Chunk. - Okay, okay, come on now.

You gonna have to trust me, brother.

I know what I'm doing, okay?

Ah, listen, uh, let me be honest.

We're prepared to make Martin a very sweet offer.

With complete creative control

and a state of the art studio, right here in Detroit.

Hey, I feel that, man. Where do I sign?

Mm, hold, hold, hold on.

What about the perks?

- Perks? - Mm-hmm.

My client has to get to work everyday.

I can drive, Tommy.

He wants limo.

Alright.

Alright?

Is it like that bad?

Man, where do I sign, man?

Hold on, hold on, we're not quite done yet.

Uh, we also would like to have..

...a masseuse, two personal assistants

a hefty signing bonus, and a marching band.

A marching band?

Somebody gotta welcome the brother to work everyday.

Now, that's it, these demands are outrageous.

That's fine.

Then we'll walk.

Right, Martin?

Yo, I ain't never met this man before in my life.

As a matter of fact.

- Step. - But it's me Tommy.

Go on. Get..

Go..

How humiliating.

Changed already!

Listen, y'all, look, I don't need all that stuff.

All I need to know is where do I sign?

Now you're talking.

Look, I won't let you all down, the show is gonna be the bomb.

In other words, it's gonna be just great!

We think so too. We think so too.

Now, listen, I know, it's short notice but we'd like you

to fly out to the coast tomorrow to meet with our sponsors.

Think you can swing that?

Sure, if you're paying for the ticket, yeah.

Our private jet will pick you up.

What do you say?

Well, I-I just say

"Wo-wo-wo-wo."

"Wo-wo-wo-wo."

"Wo-wo."

I mean, you need a big bag. You a big man.

Hey, hey, so what'd she say when you told her about the show?

Well, I wanna tell her in person.

- Oh, snap, you know what? - 'What?'

I forgot my shades. You know a brother gotta look cool in L.A.

Okay, you know, what, we're gonna take these bags

down to the garage and we'll meet you down there.

- Cool. Yeah. - Cool. Alright.

Move, stupid.

'Oh, my God!'

'Martin, is that you?'

'I need your help.'

'My wig's on fire!'

'My wig's on fire.'

Damn, Sheneneh, look like knap draft up in there.

No. No, Sheneneh.

'You gotta drop and roll.'

Baby, we're moving to L.A.

Martin, we're moving..

Martin?

Baby, I'm home, you here?

Good. Good-good-good.

I could set everything up.

Alright.

Okay.

Da-da-da-da..

Right.

Can't go nowhere without my shades.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Ready to ride.

Ta-ta-da-ta.

Martin, is that you?

Oh.

Ugh.

Damn, that jet lag ain't no joke.

Hello.

Hey, what's up, man?

Yeah, yeah, I'm heading down to the limo right now.

What?

Are you sure?

Well, look, we can talk about all that when I get there.

Alright.

Well, hey, thanks.

Come on, will you stop stepping on my heels?

- Well, walk faster. - Stop it, Cole.

Hey man, what's taking you so long?

Uh, I had to help Sheneneh put her hair out.

And, uh, then I got a call from the Network Execs.

Yeah? Everything alright?

There's been a change.

Wait-wait-wait, they're still gonna do the show, right?

Oh, no-no doubt. You know what, I mean?

No doubt, they're gonna do the show.

But in order for me to do the show..

...I probably gotta move to L.A.

Y-you, really gonna move to L.A.?

I got no choice, man.

Oh, my damn.

You know what, Martin, I'm happy for you, buddy.

You always want to do this man.

That's right. That's right. Well, you know that fr..

Excuse me.

I'm happy for you, dawg. You always wanted do this.

Well, hey, thank you, Tommy. You know, hey.

They're flying in from L.A.

Uh, they wanna meet with me tomorrow.

This is what they're telling me.

And, they-they..

I'm so happy 'cause they said it.

Well, they're flying in tomorrow.

- We can wait, you know? - I've got it.