Original subtitles

Hey, what you stop for?

Soldier..

Hey, yo.

you know, brother a little winded

you know what I am saying, I am little out of shape.

Okay, I got my second wind.

- Come to me, I'm going back in. - Okay.

Cole.

Cole.

Cole, what the hell are you doing, man?

Look, ain't going to be no bucking going up in here

unless I am the buckaroo.

Now, you going to have to take that somewhere else, man.

Martin is right. We should take it somewhere else.

Okay, okay. Here. Come on, alright.

Here's good.

Cole! Cole! Partner, I thought told you to..

Never mind, man. Never mind.

I don't even know why I'm raising my voice.

Okay, baby, we gonna have to chill

on the tongue boxin' for a sec.

Martin getting mad.

What's that, bruh?

It's a box, honey. Duh!

Cole, can I see you over here for a minute?

Okay, excuse me, I'll be right back.

- What's that? - Hi, how you doing?

- I'm cool. - Look..

Is it me but is she getting dumber by the minute?

I don't know, my watch stopped.

Come on, come on. Open the box, Martin.

- Open the box. - Alright. Alright.

- Oh, that is so nice. - Ooh.

Who is it from?

Uh, it's from Charles Dutton.

He was so happy to be on the show, he sent me a gift.

Looks like he must have found this on his garbage route.

I think it's a cuckoo clock.

And you say she's getting dumber by the minute.

Go on, girl, tell him what it is.

It's a cuckoo clock.

Great. Just great.

Now, I'm stuck with a cuckoo and two dodo birds.

What's up!

Alright, Cole, alright, right there

now-now a little to the left.

No, no, that's too much.

- Left. - Now, Cole, to the..

You do it, man.

Alright, center it right there, alright.

- Cool. - How's that.

Yeah, that-that's perfect. Shanise, what you think?

That's a silly question, Martin.

Looks like a clock if you ask me.

Now, now, Cole, just-just do me a favor.

- Set it for 1 o'clock. - I know now. I know now.

That's what Mickey Lou hand be on the one like..

Okay, just..

Oh, you see that?

You know it's cuckooing, it's going off already.

Yeah, yeah. My cuckoo clock.

It's enough to..

It's enough to make you emotional.

What's wrong, Martin?

Oh, no, nothing, Shanise

it's nothing, it's just..

This clock here

remind me of my mama bird.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Alright, alright. Okay, that's enough cuckoo.

How you, how you turn this thing off?

May be it's hungry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe it's a cuckoo

for cocoa puffs, you know I am saying.

I'm chilling over here.

Well, now, I thought this thing was only

supposed to go off on the hour.

Damn, that hour went by faster than mine, didn't it?

What's up, Fool And the Gang?

- What's up? - Oh, here we go.

Now, look here, Pam

now, I don't know who trained you..

...but I thought I told you to scratch

before you come busting up in my apartment.

Now I don't come down to the kennel

kicking bones out of your mouth

when you trying to work.

What are you all up to?

We were trying to feed the bird inside the clock.

Hold on, what you got over here.

It's a cuckoo clock.

That is so nice of you

to rent out your house to a homeless bird.

Yeah, well, thank you.

Well, you know Imma look out for your peeps.

- You know that. - Shut it up.

That is so cute.

- You like that, huh? - Yes, it's cute.

- Yeah? - Hm-hmm.

Well check this out, Pam. Check this out.

Imma-Imma, shut up for you

because I really got to tell you

I appreciate the way you have been looking out for me

since Gina has been gone, you know.

Alright, Martin, I know where you are going with this.

What you gonna crack on first, my fur or my breath?

No, it's not like that.

Look, I am trying to give you a gift, and that's how

you going to treat me?

What you talking about a gift?

I'm talking about the clock. You likes the clock.

I heard you say you like it.

I see you smile at the cuckoo clock.

So, Imma give you, the cuckoo clock is for you.

What's wrong with it?

Pam, ain't nothing wrong with it.

It's uh.. It's perfect.

Really?

Yeah, just-just make sure

before you go to bed

you wind it up real good.

So the cuckoo go off on time.

I'm touched. This is really nice.

Something good has finally gotten into to you.

That is so sweet.

It can't be, not again. Oh..

Cuckoo bird!

Look, I am trying to get some sleep.

Now, shut it up.

That's more like it.

Did I just hear what I thought..

Martin, are you in there?

Look, bird, bird, bird, I done told you before!

Kill that noise!

'Bite me, bite me!'

Oh, you wanna play? Oh, you wanna play!

Come on out, I dare you to come out..

Come on out, cuckoo bird

come on out and-and play.

I'm so.. Just leave me.

'Uh-oh!'

That's right. Let's see how bad you're now.

Come on out.

I said come on out.

That's better.

Come in.

- Hey, hey. - What's up, man.

Yeah, just the time, the game is about to start, man.

Oh, good, good. Good job, good job, man.

I'm telling you, I've been dying to see this one all week long.

- Me too. - Who playing?

Cole, don't..

- Man.. - What is this?

Ooh. Hey, Martin.

Where's the clock that was in this box?

I gave it to Pam.

Now, see, you know you wrong for that, man

you know that clock probably kept her up all night long.

Yeah, yeah, and with Pam

we know she needs all that beauty sleep she can get.

Hey, hey, hey, Martin.

I don't think you should have given away this clock, man.

It was a joke, Tommy.

Well, I think the joke is on you, pal.

That was a Banneker, man.

A-a Banneker?

Damn! Sure fooled me up. I thought it was the clock.

No, fool!

Look, guys.

Benjamin Banneker was the cat that

you know, he-he-he designed Washington DC. Right?

He also made clocks.

Now I know this, 'cause this brother down at my job

he collects antiques.

That thing must have been worth a grip, man.

Tsk, alright, Tommy, look.

Let's say you do have a job.

Okay, hypothetically speaking.

Okay.

How much would this clock be worth?

Well, I am not sure, probably

about 10,000.

Say what?

I said the clock, man, the clock probably would be

about 10,000.

- $10,000? - $10,000!

- Excuse me. - Sure.

Woo-woo-woo! Woo-woo-woo!

You got $10,000, man. That's money, man!

Woo-woo-woo!

Martin? Martin?

You might as well chill with the woo-woo-woo now

because you know you gave the clock to Pam.

And you know, she ain't giving it back.

Nah, nah, you don't know Pam like I do.

She will do anything for some Scooby snacks, man.

I know, just trust me I know this.

Very funny, Ashford and Shrimpson.

That stupid cuckoo clock you gave me

kept me up half the night.

Pam, Pam, look don't worry about that, okay?

I-I'll take the clock off your hands.

Hmm, you're too late.

Pam, don't tell me you threw that thing in the garbage.

No, I gave it away.

Wait, you gave my clock away.

No, silly, I gave my clock away.

Some nuns came by from St. Bernadette

collecting old stuff for the orphanage.

What's the big deal anyway?

About $10,000, that's what the big deal.

Cole, shut up, man. Shut up with that.

Excuse me?

What did that fool just say? Did he just say $10,000?

Uh, the-the clock was a rare Benjamin Banneker.

So no wonder Darryl Smallberry wants it back.

That's right, I want it back. You know why?

'Cause you had no business

giving my clock to an orphanage.

Wait a minute, what about

what about Marty Martin love the kids?

I don't know that Marty Martin lovin' that much.

Well, that's too late. You gave it to me.

So now it's mine, and the only one

that's going to get broke off up in here is me.

- Ah, peace! - Wait, Pam, where you going.

I'm going to get my $10,000 clock back.

Hey, hey, Pam, damn that. That's my clock.

Martin, I'll bet you uh, let's see

five dollars that I'll beat you there.

But, Pam, that ain't fair.

- You got four legs. - Martin, you gonna..

Good, Pam ain't here.

Now Imma to get the clock back and be out.

Oh, damn.

Oh, lady, you're kind of quick with chores, ain't you?

I'm Sister Mary Tyler.

Fastest ruler of this side of the Mississippi, don't you know.

Now, what brings you by?

Alright, well, what brings me by is that I think I..

Oh, don't tell me you're an orphan.

It's so hard to place the older ones.

Everybody wants babies.

Well, fill out the form and I will see what I can do.

No, no, no, no. Lady, it's not like that.

That's-that's-that's my clock over there.

Oh, bless you, son, for your donation.

It's for the children, don't you know.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

And I-I love the kids.

You know Martin Mart love the kids.

But I didn't mean to donate this clock

so what I would like to do is make a cash donation.

How does $10 sound?

Like a bribe.

Alright, look I tired.

I told you once

now don't make me tell you again.

Stop trying to jack me from a loot.

But I ain't afraid of no nun.

Ooh, come on, come on.

You want a piece of me?

I fought with leprechauns tougher than you.

I.. I.. I..

Hey, wait a minute. Stop! Break it up.

Listen now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't hurt him.

Just don't listen to him, because that's my clock.

And who might you be?

I'm a devout church going

Christian woman who donated that clock.

I thought you said the clock was yours?

It is, it was a gift.

But then he gave it to me. So, now it's mine.

Martin, you know that clock..

Stop the bickering!

I don't give a fly and fiddle

whose clock it was.

It belongs to the orphanage now.

All these are going things are going on the auction block

tonight for the big fund raiser.

And if you want that clock back

you are gonna have to bid on it.

Wait a minute, lady, Ms. Nun.

How am I going to bid back something that's already mine?

No, that's already mine.

When is the auction, Ms. Sister?

At30 tonight.

Right here. And don't be late.

Or you'll be cleaning erasers for a week.

Damn! Is it still like that?

I don't believe this.

Last call for this classic

average white band album

featuring "Pick Up the Pieces."

Going once, going twice..

Sold to the white man in the Afro.

Yo, this album is the bomb.

I gots to call all my honies.

You can pick up the album

when you pay the cashier, home skillet.

Cole, will you come along?

No, oh, look they started already.

Just31.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Hey, what you doing? - I got a clock to buy.

Pam, if you don't get out of way, you gonna get clocked.

- You know what, I ain't-- - Excuse me.

Excuse me, excuse me.

If you don't shut it up back there

I'm going to come over and rinse out your mouths with soap.

Yeah, well that ain't strong enough for Pam's breath.

I think you gonna need Lizol.

- Shut up. - Okay. Come on.

Look, I-I'm going to get that clock

and none of you all are gonna stop.

Excuse me, you gonna have to out bid me first.

Look, come on.

Alright now, sit down

take your seats and hush up.

Sit! Sit! You in the hat, go sit.

Now, our next item is this

beautiful hand carved cuckoo clock.

'Oh, it would be a wonderful'

addition to any home.

You know, it reminds me of a story

when I was a little girl.

One night, my father came home dead drunk

with a cuckoo clock under his arm.

And I said to myself--

Hey, hey. Lady, please..

Let's just get on with the bidding.

If we must.

I will now turn the proceedings

over to Mr. Billy Joe Buford.

Mr. Buford is a professional

auctioneer and he will

handle all the good stuff.

Mr. Buford.

Well, now.

I thank you, Sister Tyler.

Alright, I want to bid for the cuckoo clock

We'll start the bidding with $50

50, 50, 50 we bid, 50, 50, 50, give me 50..

Hey, hey, h-hold up, partner.

Now gonna have to slow your roll, man.

And I start my bidding at $50.

Wait, wait, Martin. Si-sit, sit down.

But that's not the way it works.

I mean if you want to bid for the clock just raise your hand.

- Yeah. - 50, bid moving to 60.

60 bid moving to 70.

$70 bid moving to 80.

$80 bid in the back now.

- Now 90, 90. - Uh-oh.

There must somebody else in on this.

Ain't no, damn. Now, I'm getting that clock, Tommy.

- Right here, right here. - Uh, $200 bid over here.

I have a $200 bid.

Hey, hey, Wait, Martin, what are you doing?

Tommy, what's a few C-notes, man

when it's worth ten grand.

Well, two can play at that game.

$300 bid, I got a $300 bid.

You oughta quit while you're ahead, Martin.

You know what this hill's a little too steep for you.

But then again, everything is too steep for you.

A $400 bid in the back, I got a bid of $400.

- $400? - $450.

Now will you bid a five?

'Bid of $550.'

Bid of $550.

$550, will you bid me six?

$600 bid now.

Oh, Cole! What the hell are you doing, man?

I-I, um, I'm pushing up on my honey, Shanise, man.

No, no, fool, what you are doing is

pushing up the price of the clock.

Quit being a player hater, Tommy.

Get your own bug.

Bid is at $600, will I have a 650?

Give me $650 now.

$650 in the second row.

Pam, if you don't put down your palm, I'll have you fixed.

- Right here. - $650 going once..

Damn, I ain't trying to get my lights turned off.

$650 going twice!

Sold to the big-eared man in the second row for $650.

- Yeah, yeah. I got the clock. - Damn.

Damn!

Worked out my way, Pam.

I guess the better man won.

I hate you, you greedy little weasel.

Aah.. Cuckoo!

Mr. Payne, on behalf of the orphanage

I would like to thank you for bidding so much money

on that old cuckoo.

No problem, no problem at all.

'Cause I tell you, after I sell this cuckoo clock

I'm gonna get crazy paid.

Crazy paid?

Why, young man, that clock isn't worth more than

$35 if that..

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Sister you got it all wrong.

You know what I'm sayin'? That clock is worth a grip.

Okay? Tell her, tell her about it, Mar.

Yeah, yeah, let-let me explain this to you.

See, that's a genuine

Benjamin Banneker.

That clock is-is-is worth

at least, uh, 10 grand.

- At least. - At least.

Uh, M-M-Martin.

This is not Benjamin Banneker.

I-it's Benjamin Fanneker.

What..

Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me

that you paid $650

for a $35 clock?

Oh, diggety!

- That's my girl. - Hey, hey..

Tommy, man, but you done said..

I know, I know, but apparently, see

the-the "B "had a smudge on it.

See look, it looked like "F," B..

Tommy, I am about to put a smudge under your eye, man.

This is a damn Benjamin Fanneker.

- Honest mistake. - You told me it was Banneker.

- Look at the bright side-- - How do I get my money back?

Um, look, Martin, I just wanted to say--

Now is not a good time, Tommy.

That now is not a good time. That's all I'm sayin'.

Martin, what did you do

to your $35 cuckoo clock?

It ain't cuckooed since we have been here.

Let's just say we came to a mutual understanding.

Kook-kooo.

That's a shame.

Why did you have to beat up on a helpless bird?

Hey, that little old bird got some blows in.

You know I gotta admit that

that little cuckoo got a little hot, you know.

Well, at least you have picked up somebody your own size.

Yeah, just like a smelican

to look out for family.

Fly, smelican, fly.

- Shut up. - Alright, cut it out, guys.

Hey, whatever happen to-to Cole and Shanise

they-they said they'd be right back whatever happened to them?

$13 for the back scratcher.

Will you bid at $16?

$16 bid, will you bid a 17?

$17 bid, now will give me an $18?

'$18 bid, will you bid a $19?'

$19 bid, would you bid a $20?

But, boo, boo. Sugarfoot, look.

Y-you, if you outbid me, I won't be able to get

the back scratcher for mom.

I'm sorry, honey, I was just trying to support you.

Okay, well, thank you for the support

but stop supporting me, okay.

$20 going once, $20 going twice..

Sold to the thick brother with a funny hat on.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know damn well, they didn't stop by the library.

Martin is right, we should take it somewhere else.

Okay, I crawled through that line.

Excuse me, I felt that one. You hear me?

Great, now I'm stuck with two dodos and a cuckoo clock.

Isn't that great, great something like that.

Wait..

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.