Original subtitles

Hurry up, Tommy. Our dinner reservations are for00.

You know that the Jamaican place is gonna be packed.

Ya, man. We don't wanna be late, no?

Cole. Wait.

You know, if Martin was here you wouldn't have your feet up

on that coffee table.

Hm. That would be the point, Tommy.

Martin's not here. Duh!

You know, I am here. Duh!

And I told him tha-that

I wouldn't anybody disrespect his crib while he was gone

to visit Gina in LA.

Man, will you get the feet off the table?

Dang! Let a brother house sit fully

he act like he own the place. Don't he?

How's Tommy gonna house sit when he's standing up?

That's a good point, babe. You always thinkin'.

You all need to be hooked on phonics. You know that.

You stuck on stupid.

Hey. Ah! Payne residence.

Hey-hey, Mart. No. No. Alright.

Hold on. Hold on. Let me put you on speaker on phone.

'Cole, get the hell out of my fridge.'

Right. Sorry.

'Just calling to check in. Everything, alright?'

Oh! Yeah, man. Everything cool.

We just about to go and get us some grub.

'Hold up, Tommy, I thought I told you'

'not to let Pam de Vil in my apartment.'

Shut up, Herman Munchkin

Martin, Ho-how'd you know Pam was here?

''Cause I can smell her.'

Oh! Come on. Come on.

Come on, Sheneneh, now

don't you think we're overreacting

just a little bit, Sheneneh.

It really isn't that bad.

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!

Tommy, let me try it in your car.

See if you still overreact, Tommy.

- Okay? Okay! - Okay. Okay. Okay, Sheneneh.

Calm down. I-I said, I'm sorry.

I am calm, Tommy I mean. Okay. Okay.

Sorry will do it, Tommy.

You are the one who put a dent in my new Benzo

with your 18 inch Lorenzo.

Okay-okay, first of all, Sheneneh

that Mercedes ain't hardly new.

Okay? And secondly, its just a little dent in a fender.

Oh! Tommy, I'm about to put a dent in you wallet, alright?

Now my insurance goin' go sky high, Tommy! Oh!

Ho-ho-hold. Wait a.. Sheneneh..

I thought you told me that you didn't have any insurance.

I don't, Tommy. And now I ain't gonna be able to get none

is what I'm tryin' to tell you.

Sheneneh. Okay. Calm down, Okay.

I know, I know it was wrong.

And I will take complete responsibility

for everything that I did. Alright?

Well good, Tommy. That's good, Tommy.

'Cause my Benzo needs a new bumper there.

Okay, alright, well, Sheneneh

would $50 make your Benzo feel better?

$50? $50? No, you're not gonna insult me like that, Tommy.

I'm not understanding. I'm not understanding.

Okay. Okay. Sheneneh, Let me help you understand.

- How about a $100? That better? - A $100?

Let me think, Tommy. Let me think about it.

- Okay. - Oh!

Oh! That's nice. I think give me that one right there.

Oh! How much the taxes on that? Oh! Hell. Hell no, Tommy.

I can't even get a fake Gucci bag with the $100, Tommy.

Okay. Okay. I tell you what--

- No. No. Don't, Tom-- - No, no, wait a minute now..

Why don't I make a few phone calls and see

you know, some estimates on how much it cost you

to get your bumper fixed. Come back little later.

We-we'll work it out.

You-you go. You do that, Tommy. Alright?

I better be able to get some insurance. Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Sheneneh, sure. You can have anything you want.

Aww! Tommy. That's so nice of you.

I may have misjudged you, Tommy, you know.

No matter, what Pam says about you? Uh-huh.

Hey, Sheneneh.

What does Pam say about me?

Oh! No. No, Tommy. I don't need to be starting a rumor.

That's not Sheneneh thing. I don't startin' a rumor.

- Not your thing. - But listen..

You need to stop stalking that girl

and get on with your life, Tommy.

She's not worth it.

$3000 to knock out a dent?

No. No. No, Hund. I said a 78' Mercedes.

'98 hasn't even come out yet.

Yeah. Alright, I'll hold.

Yo, Tommy, man, I still can't figure out

where I'mma take Shanise on Monday.

Why don't you take her to a zoo?

No. No. I can't take her to the zoo, man.

- She's scared of the zoo. - Okay.

Alright, how about a museum, man? Nice.

No. No. The museum scares her more than the zoo.

Okay, Cole. Why don't you take her to a movie?

She ain't scared of that, is she?

- Are you tryna be funny? - 'Well..'

Man, you know I don't got that kinda money

to be spending on a whomp.

You know, what Cole? If you ain't got $7, you ain't got

no bidness with a woman.

You've been talking to my mum again. Haven't you? Huh!

Cole, I don.. Hey-hey. Shhh.

Uh-huh. $150? That's more like it.

Alright. Alright, thanks Hund. Thank you.

- What's a $150? - Oh!

That's how much its gonna cost to bang that dent out

of Sheneneh 's bumper.

I didn't know, Sheneneh had a dent in her ass.

I'm talkin' about her car, fool.

Alright. Alright. I knew you's talking about it.

- I was just testing you. - Yeah. Yeah.

I was playing with you.

I'm gonna write her a check later

that way it'll all be straight.

A dent on her ass.

- Hey. Are you Thomas Straw? - Yes, sir. I am.

- Then, this brother's for you. - Okay. Thank you, bro.

This brother for you. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Nice guy in there.

- The hell is this? - What's up, Tommy?

Oh, my God! It says that Sheneneh is gonna sue me

for 1.7 million dollars.

Tommy, are you sure you and Sheneneh

can't hash this mess out?

Look, I tried to talk to her.

She won't even open the door.

Well then, maybe its not such a good idea

for you to defend yourself.

Pam, I went to law school for one year.

- Right. - Sheneneh didn't.

I have witnesses. Sheneneh doesn't.

And you give me one good reason

why I shouldn't defend myself.

Hmm. I'll give you 1.7 million good reasons.

Oh! Come on. Hey. Hey. Look..

I have everything all under control. Alright?

Now, you still gonna testify for me.

You know, you're my star witness.

Yeah. But your star witness needs her hair done.

I need my nails done. And I need a new suit.

'Cause I ain't tryna be in court looking like Rosa Lopez. Oh! No.

I know, you don't expect me to pay for all that.

Well, you wanna win this case. Don't you?

- Yeah. But-- - Then, help me help you.

Come on, Pam. I thought we were friends.

- Oh! Come on. - Alright. Alright. Alright.

Then, just pay my phone bill.

My phone bill--

You are a trip, you know that.

- Hey, guys. - Hey. What's up there, Thomas.

Hey, baby love. What's up? What's goin' on?

Hey. Look at here, Tommy. Guess what we're doing tomorrow.

Oh! Cole. You said I could tell them.

Alright. Go ahead, my lil' peach cob. You go and tell him.

We are gonna have a picnic in the park.

Isn't that romantic?

It would be if it wasn't 33 degrees outside.

Yeah. Yeah, well. Bust this. Huh.

We're gonna have the park all to ourselves.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah!

Love make you definitely blind.

Tell me. It ain't too smart either.

Hey. Hey, Tommy. Why'd you want us to come over here for anyway?

Oh! Yeah. I'd need you two to testify for me.

- Thank you. - Amen.

- Oh! Jesus. Praise the lord. - Jesus. Hallelujah.

Just shut up.

He ain't talking about that kind of testifying, you idiots.

I'm talking about testifying in court, Cole.

Okay. No problem, Tommy.

I'll hold you, man. I'm down for you, bro.

But Cole, our picnic's tomorrow.

Baby, d-don't worry about that. We can still have our picnic.

We just have it in a court room.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Well, my sweet potato pie, that's cause

you ain't got an IQ of 31 like me.

Don't you mean 13?

You were right, Cole.

Having a picnic in court is much more romantic than the park.

Right. Right. I got what you need. I got what you need.

Have a bite and muscle up.

I can't believe Sheneneh is not here yet.

I swear that girl's gonna be late for her own funeral.

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!

Sheneneh is here. So let's get this trial started right.

'Cause I'm ready to get broke off, Your Honor.

- Ahoy! Ahoy! - Don't strain yourself.

No. I just want justice. Because he didn't have to hit me. Okay.

He used that vehicle as a weapon and you don't do that.

- You're right. You're right. - Okay. You don't do that.

Exhale. Exhale.

Damn! Tommy. Sheneneh brought in her own dream team.

This is case no.406, Sheneneh Jenkins vs Thomas Strawn.

I'll hear opening statements from the defendant.

Your Honor, um, I admit

I am guilty of hitting the plaintiff's car.

However, I am not guilty of the 1.7 million dollars

of chalked up charges made by Sheneneh.

That's Ms. Jenkins to you alright, boy.

Okay. That's how you address me.

'Cause I'm la-a-a-a-dy.

Your Honor, I plan to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt

that not only are these charges outrageous

and ridiculous and slanderous

but that dinosaur she calls her Mercedes

has a Hugo engine.

That is a bald headed liar, Your Honor.

That's a bald headed liar, okay. Alright.

You're-you're out of order, now you know you're lying.

Ms. Jenkins!

You will get your chance.

I will now hear from the plaintiffs counsel.

Mr. Ronnie..

- What's your name? - Ronnie Cochran, Sir.

I didn't mess up your name, it's okay.

Now some of the cases here. Simpson. Mendes. Brothers.

Here it is. Right here. Uh.. Excuse me, Your Honor.

Your Honor, my client's position..

This document you can have.

Your Honor, my-my clients position is clear.

If...he made a dent, then he must repent.

In-in intimation..

Would it be correct to say that I..

...tapped, Sheneneh's bumper.

Yep. It would be correct. That would be correct.

'Cause I've seen the whole thing, you know.

I was sitting right there. I've seen the whole thing, man.

Thank you, Mr. Brown.

Yeah. Great job, okay.

Ah! Mr. Cochran. Your witness.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Excuse me.

Here we go. Excuse me.

Mr. Brown, now you say you saw the whole thing.

- Is that correct? - Yep.

I've seen the whole thing, man, don't even think about..

...tryna trick me into changing my story, man.

You better ask somebody. Go.

Yes. I am. I am asking you. Okay?

Now you said that you s..

You said you were seated in the back seat

of the vehicle at the time of the accident. Am I correct?

Yeah, man. Yeah. I was in the back seat.

I was with my baby over there, Shanise.

I'm slobbing her down too.

Slob.. You said slobbing her down.

Is that Ebonics? I don't understand.

Let me get my Ebonics code book here.

Okay. Slobbing would be kissing.

So it's safe to say you were kissing your woman?

That's right, that's right, she was 2 seconds away

from a getting a good bang.

Gettin' a good bang. Now, let's hold on the goofing. Okay.

Let's go back to slobbing.

When you slob, do-do-do-do you close your eyes

when you slob?

Let me think. Let me think.

Back when I was with big-big Shirley right.

I used to close my eyes but that was just to keep my food down.

I mean you had to see big Shirley right.

But, uh, now, I just kind of do it like a habit.

Hmm. Okay.

So if you had your eyes closed, Mr. Brown

it's impossible that you could have seen the accident

- Am I correct? - Yeah. Damn skippy.

- Oh, my.. Damn! - No further questions here.

- Hm. Um-hm. - Your Honor..

Told you couldn't trick me, boy.

Mr. Brown...step down.

Cole. Man, we rehearsed this over and over again

Why don't you get there and tell him. No that's--

Mr. Strawn? Please call your next witness.

Our next witness. Yes. My next witness, um..

Your Honor, I'd like to call to the stand next

Ms. Shanise McGillicuddy.

- What's wrong, Shanise? - Didn't you hear that?

Someone in this courtroom has the exact same name as me.

- Damn. - Wow.

No further questions, Your Honor.

...win some of your money, you probably could take a vacation.

- Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. - Look, here.

Great. 'Cause I can see you in a bathing suit.

Do your job, Ronnie.

- Mr. Cochran. - Yes.

- Care to join us. - Oh! I'm sorry.

Referring to my client about some..

- Ah! Mrs. James. Hi. - Hi.

Great. When Mr. Strawn's vehicle plowed

into my clients classic Mercedes Benz..

We have documents, Your Honor. This, uh.. Yeah. Excuse me.

Could you please describe the sound of the impact, please?

Well, Mr. Cochran, it's, uh, sort of like

the sound that my heart makes every time I see that

fine famous lavender suit wearing

rich cousin of yours, Johnny on TV.

Kaboom. Kaboom.

So, you're saying you hit her twice?

Well, I-I'm saying whatever you want me to say

as long as you hook me up with Johnny's digits.

See, I've been trying getting--

Just ask her the question.

Whitney Houston!

- Ms. Jenkins. - I'm not having this.

Excuse me. You are out of order.

- Really. - Oh. Oh! My bad, Your Honor.

My bad. Okay.

I don't even know why I let her work my nerve.

'Cause she ain't even on my level. Okay.

I said, okay.

Now, Your Honor. For the first time, Sheneneh is right.

I can't stoop that low.

Well, you ain't gonna have to stoop that low.

'Cause you gonna have to get up, 'cause I'm 'bout to

straighten out your crooked teeth. Now get up.

Get that woman off my table.

Get off my table.

I shouldn't even be in court going through all of this.

- It's okay. Take the tissue. - Thank you.

- Take your time. It's okay. - Thank you.

It's a lot.. It's a lot on her back.

So anyway..

- I'm sorry. God! - Take your time.

I've just had so much traumatization in my life.

It's okay. We understand, Mrs. Jenkins.

This is a lot of pressure on you.

Okay. Just take your time.

You've suffered enough. We all feel your pain here.

Thank you all for knowing my pain

and understanding what he is saying.

So anyway..

There I was sitting in the parking lot in my parked car.

I was leaving to work.

And so anyway, Tommy come flying down the street

like a bat out of hell.

You know just, vroom-vroom, in his vehicle

so he run right into me. He must've been on that stuff.

- He had to be on that stuff. - Wait. Wait.

I am not on anything, Sheneneh. I'm not on anything.

What-what did they test your blood?

Your Honor, somebody needs to do a DNA on this man.

Your honor, this is ludicrous.

Look. Look. That's the stuff talking again.

Ludicrous? What does that mean?

Objection, Your Honor. Objection.

Sustained. Sustained.

Ms. Jenkins, just stick to the facts.

Alright. Alright. What the fact is..

The fact is..

- Tommy hit me. - That's right.

And I'm just lucky to be here to be alive to tell my story.

Thank you.

It's okay, Mrs. Jenkins. It's okay.

You know, you're a brave woman.

You know "Esther's" magazine should do a story

about this woman.

Terry McMillan should write a book

"Waiting to Sheneneh."

Oh!

The prosecution rests. This is a brave Christian woman.

This is a damn shame, how she's getting railroaded here.

Sheneneh..

You call yourself a Christian woman.

Yet you sit here and you lie

to these people.

I'm tired of this, Sheneneh.

Right now, you tell this people the truth.

Dammit. You tell 'em right now!

Oh, my God! Look at him. He done lost it.

I need a witness protection program.

I would like to say that this

has been the strangest case

I have ever presided over.

You are the strangest people I ever had in my courtroom.

And I never...wanna see any of you in here again.

The court rules for the plaintiff

Ms. Sheneneh Jenkins.

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness! We won. We won.

Oh, my God! Ronnie, you did it.

Oh, my God! My team. The dream team.

Thank you to the dream team.

This court orders the defendant to pay the plaintiff.

one-tenth thousand of 1.7 million dollars.

Oh! Woah!

Your Honor, that's a like a lot of money. How much?

$170.

$170?

Oh! Hell no, Your Honor. I won't settle off of here.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Justice has prevailed.

Yeah. We won too.

Oh-oh-oh! Hold on, Your Honor, hole on. But..

But what abou-what about my bodily injuries, huh?

I'm not understanding y'all.

What bodily injuries?

You sailed out of here like Gail Deavers.

Court is adjourned.

Ah! Sheneneh, look, can I write you a check?

No, Tommy. Hell no. You can't write me no check.

Everybody know you ain't got no job.

- Okay. - Show me the money, Tommy.

- Show me the cash. Money. - Okay, Sheneneh.

I just wanna get this thing over with.

Here you go. And keep the change.

Yeah.

Ah! Y'all gonna get your money now.

Alright, I owe you all money, huh?

- You do. - Okay, let me think. Ah!

Alright. That's, um..

- $42.25. That ain't too bad. - Yeah. But that would be each.

- Each? - Yes.

Damn! But that only leave me with a dollar.

But the most important part is, that you won the case. Right on.

I'll give you my card. Take my card.

If you need anything else give me a call, okay.

Ronnie, are you serious? Ronnie.

Hey, You won. Well, good luck.

Now, I'm gonna be left with a dollar.

Hey, who have parked the purple Mercedes out front?

You about to get a ticket.

Wait a minute. I didn't put no money in the meter.

You got ten for a dollar?

You got, you got change for a dollar, miss..

No, y'all don't have..