Original subtitles

Previously on Martin..

See that big haired girl over there.

- She looking like Gina? - She does.

Look like Gina? That is-that is Gina.

What you mean you can't turn this boat around, man?

'Cause you half misses paying me when we dock into St. Thomas.

- Lady, what're you doing? - What am I doing? I'm jumping.

- Hey, fella! - Oh, my God.

Hey, hey, hey she is fine man.

Could you put some more mama in my Bahama?

Hold up, lady, what're you doing?

What's wrong Martin? You said open my eyes.

I said open your eyes, not your robe.

But didn't you say, that I was fine looking sister?

True that. Hey-hey true that.

And didn't you say that I could have any man I wanted.

Uhh, I-I-I said any single man.

Any single man, uh..

Uh Lady, I-I'm married. I love my wife.

Oh, well if you can't be with the one you love, honey

you need to love the one you're with.

Yeah, well, I-I'mma love the one

I'm with as soon as I get to St. Thomas. Okay?

I see. You're trying to play hard to get.

No. I'm trying hard to get you out of my room.

- No disrespect. - Alright, no, no, no.

It's okay. It's alright.

I'll say goodbye for now.

- Hold up. - You changed your mind.

No, no, I wanna make sure the chicken hawk

n-next door don't see you leave.

Ex-excuse me.

- Shh! - Shh!

Oh, Happy valentines day, Mr. Payne.

Mind your business Loaf. I ain't like that.

Whatever you say, Mr. Payne.

What the hell are you doing in my bed?

Stop fronting girl.

Sugar lips, heh, you know what happened last night.

Wanna act like you don't know what's going on.

Hold up! Stop.

And rewind!

Let me think, let me think, let me think. Okay, wait.

That last thing I remember we were at the bar..

...and we was chillin', w-w-we were talking to Issac

and-and-and drinking those, those--

Bahama Mamas. Whoo-hoo!

Girl, girl, let me tell you something.

When you get all liquored up

y-y-you really let your true feelings out.

Pam, I gotta tell you you are..

Whoo, you put it

you put it on me girl, you...just just..

Hey, hey, hey, you okay?

I think I am gonna...I think I am gonna throw up.

I know what's the matter. You wanna cuddle.

You just want.. Coldy-Cole gonna cuddle with you.

And we gon' watch some re-runs or somethin'.

Cole, if you don't get off of me

the only cuddling you gonna do

s having my fist right in the..

That's it! Get out now, Cole!

You know what Cole, you better not tell nobody either.

You better not tell nobody.

It's cool baby, I understand, shoot,

Daddy was so good too you wanna keep me all to yourself.

Get out! Get out!

- 'Hey, Pam! You decent?' - Oh, oh, oh what.

Cole, what're you..

Umm, ah, ju-just a minute, Tommy.

That's Tommy, you gotta hide. You gotta hide.

- Oh, okay. - Boy, get on outta there.

I'll be..just a minute Tommy.

I-'m just prep-primping myself a little bit.

Just get down, just get down. Just get down!

- Hey! - Get down!

Come in.

Hey!

Good morning, Pam.

Good morning, Tommy.

Why you ain't up yet?

W-w-why you wanna know? I-I-I just been c-chilling.

I-I-I'm not with nobody. I -I've been with myself.

Okay.

So, umm...where have you been?

Well...Brenda and I we're out on the date.

And we just...talked all night long.

You just talked all night long?

Yeah! Ha-ha, ha-ha.

Oh, damn! You know what?

Baby, y-you really need to treat yourself to a pedicure honey.

I-I-I've meaning to do that.

Oh, don't don't don't be silly.

Are you in the inside? Give me that pretty leg girl.

Hey, you know what, while you at it..

Why don't you.. you need to shave, too.

I think you there's less hair on a chia-pet.

Stop!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Wait a minute. - Huh?

- Cole? What the hell? - It's not what you think.

Pam, I'm thinking you pushing me away all this time

so that you...can be with Cole.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Tommy, no, no.. you know what..

This is gonna crack you up.

See, what happened was we were at the bar--

Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam, sweetheart

you really, you really don't have to explain, okay?

Guys, I hope you two have a nice life, alright.

Well, thank you for the support, homie. Thanks a lot.

Tommy!

Y-you know you liked it. You know you liked it.

H-hi! I'm Vicki, your new cruise director.

- Ah, what happened to Julie? - Oh, I replaced her.

She through her back out doing the "Macarena."

Hmm! Okay, well, look, ahem.

Maybe you can help me. I've got a problem.

You've got a problem?

You've got a problem!

Why don't you try growing up on a cruise ship?

I missed my prom, I never got my drivers license

and if I even have to look at one more buffet--

Hey, V-Vicki, chill.

Chill, Vicki, it's okay. Take a breath.

N-now, umm, my problem

is I need somebody to marry me.

I'll-I'll do it. Anything to get off of this ship.

Please.

Y-you kinda cute though, Vicki, but, uh

no, I-I need a minister to perform a weddin'.

Oh. Well...in that case my father can do it.

He's a captain.

Really? Where-where can I find him?

Ahh! What the..What the hell.

What're you doing?

Did you like those red roses I sent you?

Yeah, yeah, th-they was lovely

but-but I didn't need to see them

naked pictures you send them with 'em.

You know, look, I gotta tell you, the rubberband man

I ain't got nothing on you though.

Oh, Martin I was just trying

to show you what you were missing.

Oh, believe me I know what I am missing.

Yeah, yeah, uh, but... you got to stop, okay?

Alright.

But if you change your mind..

...which I know that you will.

I'll be in room 439.

Here you better take that with you.

Here, and take these with you too.

Right there. Wait, wait a minute.

Oh-oh-ooh!

Hate to give that up, you know?

- Bye. - Bye-bye now.

Well, speaking as a ships doctor

I'd prescribe you some loving and plenty of it.

Doc, can I holler at you for a minute?

Darn! Five more seconds and she would've been mine.

Look, I got this partner on board that has a problem.

He's in this little situation.

- Partner, huh? - Yeah.

Okay, what's your partner's problem?

Well, uh, he got this woman following him around

sweating him like a sauna.

Sending him naked pictures, uh, all of that.

Flowers, all of that, doc.

That's a problem?

Yeah, I'm married. I-I mean he is married.

Are you sure your partner didn't lead her on?

Look, all I did was tell her she was fine.

How's that leading her on man?

Look Mr. Payne, let's cut to the chase.

If you don't want this woman...I do.

Like I was saying, I really, really

really enjoyed last night.

But I have to admit..

...I was holding back.

Look, umm, Brenda, there was someone in my life

that I was really interested in.

And now looks like it's over.

Oh, that explains it.

I though you were a gay.

Gay? No, I ain't gay!

Hey, guys.

Hell no I ain't gay!

I'll prove it to you.

To tell the truth, I was kinda holding back, too.

You see, there's someone in my life also.

Oh, really? Who that?

My husband.

- Your husband? - Uh-oh!

Uh-oh! What uh-oh mean? Uh-oh what? What? What?

He just walked in!

Oh, my damn!

What you doing with my wife?

Your, uh.. See I am her beautician.

And her hair..

Crazy woman.

Sending me all these damn flowers.

Look like a funeral hall up in here.

- 'Oww!' - Oh, damn, my bad partner.

- Who's that? - 'It's Loafer, Mr. Payne.'

Loafer what's up? Get in here.

Just delivering your daily charges, sir.

Daily charges? All I had was a soda.

Oh, damn!

Four thousand dollars for what, Loaf?

The flowers, the jewelry, the clothes.

Ohh, I'd like to personally thank you for the Armani suit.

I-I didn't charge no Armani suit.

Well, your lady friend did.

I ain't got no lady friend man.

Whatever you say, Mr. Payne.

I'm telling you, I'm not paying this bill

'cause I ain't with this woman.

B-but didn't I see you two drinking at the bar?

And did you tell the whole bar that she was fine.

And don't you have naked pictures of this woman?

Alright, man, I kept one. One picture man.

Mr-Mr-Mr. Payne, isn't this the same woman

that I saw coming out of your state room this morning?

Hey, I thought she was room service man. I'm telling you.

I'm sorry, sir. But naked lady is not on the menu.

Look, man, this woman is bugging.

She was runnin' around sweating me, man.

And I ain't paying this damn bill, I'm telling y'all now.

Oh, okay, Mr. Payne. Take a chill pill.

Alright, I promise you, we'll look into it.

Well, fine, if y'all don't look in to it

I'mm a toss this boat up like the titanic.

Talk to 'em, brother.

Talk to 'em, sister.

'Heads up.'

- The hell? - Give me back my puck!

Ms. Geri what you doing on this cruise?

Because I'm old, that don't mean I can't ride the boat.

And watch you little butt and shuffleboard.

Oh, you calling me out, Ms. Gerata?

Huh? Well, it's on.

Let me borrow that, honey, let me borrow that.

Martin. Martin, I-I need you.

See what you made me do, man.

I'm sorry about that. Look, have you seen the captain?

Nah, why?

I need him to perform a wedding ceremony.

Cole, I ain't even gonna ask, man.

I know!

He's probably in the transporter room with Mr. Spot.

Will you stop stalling?

I've got a high roller waiting for me in the casino.

You ain't gotta get no attitude, alright?

Hey, Martin. Martin, come on, man, you gotta help me.

Man, Tommy, it's a lil' too late

for you to be trying to grow hair man.

Come on, man, this is serious. Check it.

I' met this fine girl up on the top of the deck, right?

She married!

Man, now, h-her great big

mean Joe Green looking husband is after me.

Oh, oh, there he is.

Ooh! I'mma tell y'all like one more person

interrupt my game and it's on.

Heh-heh.

And I mean that.

I'm looking for tall bald brother with the glasses.

- Have you seen him? - Uh, his name is Tommy Strawn.

He-he-he ain't got no job

and he made a left at the-at the-at the smokes stack.

- Thanks man. - Alright.

Right on.

Damn! You straight sold your boy out.

Yeah, whatever, Ms. Geri.

I'm getting..I'm getting a lil' dizzy, a lil' tired.

I'm-I'm gonna cancel the game. Get up out of here.

Y'all be cool.

You mean to tell me, you gonna just gank me out of my money?

Yeah, that's right. I'd be happy doing it.

Whoo!

- What the hell lady? - Hello!

Oh, honey, I hope you didn't mind me

slipping that little stuff in your drink.

I just wanted you to relax for a little game.

What lil' game? Lady, this ain't no game, okay?

Oh, but it is a game and it's called "I Spy."

I say, "Hot" damn!

And that, honey, is just a little preview.

- Are you ready? - Uh, what? No, no.

Coo jiku jiku jiku!

Coo jiku jiku jiku!

No, lady, stop!

Lady, I'm tickling, lady, know did I..

Ooh, I know you'd like this game.

- Oh, no, shh, no! - Come in. Come in.

- Cole. - Yeah?

Thank...thank God it's you, man.

Yo-yo, you won't, uh, mind me

using your room to get married in, will you?

Look, whatever man. Now, listen up.

There's this woman, crazy woman

wild woman, Cole, she in the bathroom.

Look, man, got me handcuffed, I can't even get out.

My man!

Yo, I go check this out though.

I ain't gonna tell Gina nothing man.

We boys! Your secret is safe with me.

Cole, what're you doing man?

Ah, I got to cover up this handcuffs

'cause, eh, trust me bruh

you don't want to be in wedding pictures with handcuffs on.

Cole, if you don't get out of this handcuff

- I'mma hurt you man. - Hi, there!

Oh, I'm sorry, don't mind us, we're just

decorating for the wedding. Hey, Cole!

I was wondering, would you prefer a large

disco ball or small disco ball over the bed?

Hey, hey, hey, get off the balls.

Hey, look at me out of this handcuffs, alright.

I got a wild lady in my bathroom.

And get 911 rescue all of 'em down here now!

Man, stop bragging about the women in the bathroom.

We know, you the man.

Hey Captain Spaulding. glad you make it, eh.

Let's just get this ceremony started folks.

I've got the boat on cruise control.

Don't you just love wedding?

By the way, are you, uh, involved with anyone?

Hey, hey can I get little help over here, doc.

Oh, Mr. Payne. Good to see you again.

Don't get up.

Don't you think it's about time you get dressed?

Hey, hey, Martin! Martin! Where is he?

Hey, Martin, you gotta hide m, man. You gotta hide me!

Where is he? Where is he?

- Damn it! - Excuse me? Delivery!

Please, Hammer, don't hurt him.

- Don't hurt me, hammer. - Nothing happened between us.

Hey, Tommy, help me man!

How come it always gotta be about you, man?

You were ignoring me baby.

I only used him to make you jealous.

I love you, Hammer.

I love you too, Brenda.

I love you too. I-I'll be over here if you need me, Hammer.

Cole, I'm running out of time here.

Hey! Here comes the lovely bride now.

- Cole, I'mma kill you. - Alright, let's get started.

- Dearly beloved-- - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Ain't gonna happen, captain. I'm not marrying this fool.

I hop I'm not late, the last time I went to a black wedding

was in Kunta and them jumped the broom in "Roots."

There ain't gonna be a wedding Afro puff!

This whole mess is your fault, Issac.

- My fault? - Yes!

If you wouldn't have given me all those Bahama Mamas

I wouldn't have ended up in bed with Cole.

You slept with Cole?

No, no, no, no, no. You both were dead drunk.

Y'all ended up in bed together because I put you there.

Back it up!

You mean...nothing happened?

We didn't?

You idiot!

Does just mean we still can't get married?

I'mma kill you! I'mma kill you!

Looks like the wedding's off. Let's go.

Well, here we go, man.

H-h-hey, hold on, Issac. Wait a minute.

Look, man, I actually could use a drink.

No, no, I-I thin I better have a ginger ale.

Oh, okay. Oh, speaking of ginger.

Did she ever get off of that island?

Hey, hey man. Tommy y'all come back here man!

Oh, damn.

I forgot about you.

Finally I've got you all to myself.

Alright, you can take my body, but you never getting my mind.

I leave my purse..

I'm telling! I'm telling!

No, no!

It ain't like that. Pam, she crazy, she crazy.

She-she bugged, alright.

She got me handcuffed, look! You know what mean.

- Oh, baby! - Look, it's obvious.

Excuse me, um..

...are you pushing up on my best friend's husband?

What's it to you Weavy Wonder?

Did she say "Weavy Wonder"?

I just wonder.

- Handle your business. - Yeah, I think ought to.

Oh-oh, no wait, wait hold it, wait.

Look, I know that I am crazy but I am not gonna get beaten up.

Right here. We got her, Mr. Payne.

You were right!

Our investigation show that suicidal Sara here

has done this on six other cruises.

I'm sorry we didn't believe you, sir.

- Come on! - No! Martin!

Oh! Oh, Pam.

Pam, you know what?

For once, I mean, I mean true to the heart

I can truly say

I'm happy to see you.

Now come on over here and gnaw me out this cuffs, please.

So it's like that, eh?

So I guess, you, eh..

...must like being all locked down, huh?

You know, I was just joking with you.

You know, I was playin' right?

- You was playing? - Yeah.

You better stop playing around, now boy.

Come here, sugar.

I got a lil' jokey-joke for you too.

What's that?

I'll see you in St. Thomas.

Peace!

'Pam, don't. Pam, not. Come on back, Pam.'

- See you, honey. - Come on, now.

'You can't be serious! These cuff's hurt.'

'I gotta go to bathroom.'

You know, maybe that's right.

Ah, his name is Tommy Strawn, he ain't got no job.

And he made a left a-a-at the smacks tab.

Damn!