Original subtitles

- "Mom, Mom!" - "Mom, I'm scared!"

- I'm looking up, he was scared. - You know what?

I never thought I would see the day

when Mr. I Ain't Scared of Nothing

is scared of a little rollercoaster.

Man, Tommy, please.

Alright? Now, the Super Colossus

ain't only a little rollercoaster.

Martin, I knew you were built like a little boy

but I didn't know you could scream like one.

Wait till I tell Gina!

Wait, wait. No, no, wait, hold on.

When is Gina coming back from Philly, dawg?

- That ain't an issue right now. - Hey, man.

- But what is an issue.. - She ain't getting back.

...is y'all know damn well not to get me on that rollercoaster

knowing I don't like heights.

We can look at you and tell that!

Whatever, "Smell" Gibson.

Now, back up off me.

- You take it too far. - Okay, okay, okay.

- Pam, you don't take.. - That's it, now.

- Stop it. - Just done.

But, hey, hey, hey, on the real though, for real

you know you tricked my boy

into getting on the Super Colossus.

You know you did. You know you did.

- 'What?' - Please, man.

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't try to jump on my side now.

I heard you laughing, too.

It wasn't me laughing it up, Pam with her..

No, no, I know the difference between your laugh

and a hyena's laugh.

I've been in the zoo, I know what I heard.

- Okay. Okay. - Stop, stop. Pam, Pam, stop.

- No. No, no, no, no. - Right in his neck.

Martin, don't try to change the subject.

You might as well admit it, you were scared

and you got got.

Tommy, I ain't admitting nothing, man.

And I didn't get got.

What John Gotti got to do with this?

- Come on, get out of here. - Cole, Cole, go.

I see what time it is.

See, Martin can dish it out but he can't take it.

- No, he can't. - Can't take it.

I mean, if it were one of us he'd be all up in our..

He always calls stuff to our faces.

We're supposed to take it.

Gotcha!

Y'all know I'm just playing with y'all.

But y'all play too much, though.

Alright? Don't do that no more.

Don't get me on no rollercoaster

knowing I don't like heights, you know that, boy.

Alright? I'mma get big, get up out of here.

Hey, y'all play too much.

- Hey, remember.. - Great..

Remember this, though. Remember what they say

"What goes around

sure enough comes around."

It'd be back around.

Oh, Gina, they got me good, baby.

Yeah. But, you know what, I got something

for all of 'em, Gina.

Yeah, each and every one of 'em, baby.

Well, look, I love you too, Gina, okay?

Uh, uh, give your mother my best.

And tell your father, good luck with that hemorrhoid surgery.

How many?

Damn. You know, lot of that sodium

in that food, that'll do that to you.

Yeah, okay.

Alright. Well, I love you, baby. Buh-bye.

Alright.

- Hey, hey. - Hey, what's up, man?

- What's happening, man? - What's going on?

Yo, I got these mouse traps you asked me for.

What? You came through like I asked you to.

That's what I'm talking about, Cole-y.

Now, look, man, I may not know what's going on

all the time, but I know you, man.

What you up to?

Tommy... Tommy's afraid of mice, right?

- True. - True.

Oh, I see. I get it.

- J-just follow my lead. - Okay.

Watch-watch a pro at work.

You know what I mean? Cole, time for the big payback!

Yeah, that's him.

What's up, dawg?

- What's up, dawg? - How you doing, man?

- Oh, man. - What's up, Cole?

Uh-huh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Martin, look here.

I just wanna say this, bro.

I'm glad to see, you know, you got over that little joke thing.

You know, it was just a joke, dawg.

Well, you know what, Tommy? I'm a grown man.

- Yeah, you are. - You know what I mean?

And I can admit when you, Pam and Cole

are just better men than me.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, Martin, Martin.

How come you locked the door?

- How come I locked the.. - Yeah, the door, you..

- Oh, I didn't tell you? - No.

I got a mice problem in my apartment.

Could you help me catch these mice?

'Cause they getting on my damn nerves.

How come Cole can't help?

- Oh, God! - 'Hey, man.'

You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

I really don't want Cole helping me with nothing.

- Good point. - Okay?

But what you want me to do?

Step over here with me for a second, Tommy.

- No, I said step over. Just.. - Huh?

Yeah. Okay. How many you've got?

Yeah, take one of these traps, Tommy, and, um..

...put 'em on each side of the refrigerator.

Uh, the mice like to come out around this time of the day.

- Yeah, yeah. - About this time?

- Around this time they due. - Around this time.30.

Yeah, su.. Man, how.. Glad I told you.

'That's right, fight back.'

Here, mousey, mousey.

Here, boy.

- Okay, they're down. - Tommy!

- What, what, what? - Don't move!

- Don't move! Why? - Okay.

There's something by your foot, man.

And I don't know what it is, Tommy.

What are you talking about? What is it?

- Tommy, you bend and see. - What is..

A rat!

Yeah! I'm the man! Who the man?

- Who the man? - What? What? What?

It's a fake mouse, Tommy.

Wait, wait..

It's fake. You know, I knew it was fake.

- Stop fronting, dawg. - No, I know, clearly I knew.

Just admit it, Tommy, you got got, man.

Fine, alright, alright! You got me, man.

But we even now, okay?

Yeah, alright. Cool.

- I'm even with you. - Oh, man!

But I still got to get Pam back.

Yo, man, why you got to get Pam's back?

You know she don't like you.

'Cause it's about..

- 'Something I said?' - Look, man.

Y'all going down to Nipsey's, right?

Yeah, yeah, we're going to Nipsey's tonight, but, look

Pam's got this date tonight, man.

You couldn't do that to her, it wouldn't be cool.

Man, you know what, Tommy?

It's just like a Chicago Bulls game, man.

- What that mean? - You're always selling out.

- Shut your damn mouth. - Hey, come on, let's go.

Alright, don't forget your coat.

Alright, look here.

Before we go

about the-the mouse incident, right?

- Oh, yeah. - That's just between us, right?

Well, between us.

Yeah, yeah.

- Did you get my coat? - I got it.

I got my revenge.

I ain't gonna say nothing, man.

You mean to tell me Big Tom is afraid of a little mouse?

Man, when he saw that mouse

he started jumping and kicking and

and scratching like Kris Kross, man.

We thought he was in a group or something.

You know what I mean?

Yo, yo, straight-up, straight-up

alright, spill the beans.

What you gonna do to me?

Man, I ain't gonna do nothing to you.

We boys, man. I got your back.

Got.

- For real? - No doubt.

Oh, good looking out there. Shoot, dawg.

You know, 'cause I thought you was gonna get me.

- For real. - No, not you.

Hold on, sister. Hold on.

Hey, what's up, big Tom. What's up, dawg?

Hey, man. How do you feel?

Hey, man, you gonna order something to eat

'cause I'm hungrier than a, well..

Yeah. Well, man, I'm waiting for Pam

and her friend Chip to get here.

Well, you know, she probably ran Chip off.

Shut up, conjunction-punction

before I flick your narrow behind back to Whacremento.

How you like that?

See, I wasn't even talking to you, Wiggie Smalls.

Don't be embarrassing me in front of my friend.

- Nobody embarrassing you, girl. - Yeah, you embarrassing me--

- Hi. I'm Tommy. - Hello, Tommy.

Yes. Tommy and Martin

I'd like you to meet my very dear friend Chip.

How you doing, Chip? What's up, man?

Yo, Chip, you gotta take extra precaution with her, man.

Do you have all your shots?

Martin, shut up.

- What? - Just shut up.

- So, you are Martin. - Hey.

I heard when you got on the rollercoaster

you screamed higher than Mariah Carey.

That was him.

Oh, if you guys will excuse me, I have to use the ladies' room.

- Promise to wait for me? - Yes.

Alright.

Be nice.

Nice.

So, listen, guys. I'm about to go get us some drink.

- Chip, want a drink? - Just a little paunch.

I mean, punch. Thank you.

Chip. Hey, come on over here.

- Have a seat there, Chip. - Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, this place, Nipsey's here

we like to come on and hang out here at Nipsey's

you know, Chip.

Pretty nice.

So, Chip, what..

What do you do for a living, man?

Well, I don't like to tell too many people

but I'm a cop.

Oh, you're a cop?

Well, um, you know

I think Nipsey got some extra donuts

behind the bar.

- Donuts? - Oh, you want them.

And Pam said you were a jerk.

She said I was a jerk, huh?

Mr. Policeman.

Okay.

- Alright, Martin. - Hey.

Where's Chip, and what did you do with him?

I don't know where Chip is.

Probably saw your face and ran off like Emmitt Smith.

- I don't know. - He did? Where did he go?

Yo, Pam, calm down. Here he come.

Hey. Donut? Okay.

I'd like to propose a toast.

Uh, Pam, please, sit down.

Since when do you offer me a seat?

With all due respect, miss lady, sit down.

Alright.

I'd like to propose a toast.

May the two of you

stick together for a long, long time.

- Hear, hear. - That's so sweet of him.

Yeah.

What the hell? Somethin'..

Somethin' sticky is on my glass.

What?

Martin!

What is this?

Who's the man? Who's the man?

Martin, you are so stupid!

Got you. Got you.

You play too much.

You know what? I'm about..

You know what?

Payback's so now, Martin.

- I'mma get you back. - Pam, Pam--

What--

- But it's on my butt. - Come on, baby.

I can't get it off of my hand.

What are y'all looking at?

Just get outta my way.

Get outta my way!

Oh, man!

Is that you, baby?

Pardon me.

I know damn well I'm dreaming, right?

Be cool, baby boy.

You know what this is.

What you mean I know what this is, man?

Oh, snap.

Pam sent you, right?

Oh, bro, Pam sent me.

No doubt.

Now..

...why don't you give me your watch and your jewelry.

Oh, you want my watch and jewelry?

Oh, well, cool, man. You know what?

Performance is good, you can have all of my jewelry.

You know? Okay, that's.. You know that's Rolex.

So that's.. Those are tight there, so..

You know that right there, and there. Boom.

Let me think what else I can get you.

Let me get you some of my wife's jewelry.

You know, she got some stuff back there.

Why don't you look around

help yourself to anything you want, man.

Be right back.

Man. And of all the time I've been stealing

I've been avoiding this crib.

Here we go.

Got her top-of-the-line jewelry stuff here, alright?

Hey, yeah. See that?

I didn't catch your name, but..

I was thinking, why don't you take the stereo?

I think that rolls right out.

You know what? Definitely. Good idea.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

That's your discs right here, you put those in here.

Right there.

Is there anything else I can get for you?

Yeah. Can I make a phone call, man?

No doubt, you know what I mean?

Here you go, go on and use that phone.

Yeah, right there. Ghetto.

Hey, yo, Streetlight.

Meet me at the joint, five minutes, bro.

You ain't gonna believe this one, man.

- A good friend of yours, huh? - Yeah.

Comin' to pick you up. Cool. Alright?

That's right, around here. Let me get this door for you.

Don't scratch it.

You know your stuff.

Be careful with that.

Hey, yo, I wanna thank you, man.

This is the first time anybody ever

helped me jack them.

Oh, yeah. Alright, cool, cool.

- Just do me a favor. - What?

Tell Pam she gonna have to come correct

if she want to jack ol' Martin Mar.

- You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Uh, what's your name, partner?

Oh, they call me The M-E-T-H-O-D Man.

Peace.

Alright, man.

Like I said, be careful with the, you know

stereo and all that.

Make sure, you know, when the joke's over

you give back my stuff, partner.

Method Man.

Sounds more like a rapper than a burglar.

Well, you know, why did you bite into it like that?

Hey, man, you should have been at Nipsey's, man.

- It was off the hook. - Yeah.

Yeah. There was some fine brothers up in there tonight.

Damn!

Back to reality.

You know, I can't believe you tried to play me

like a sucker, Pam.

What are you talking about?

Whoa, Martin.

What happened to your stereo, man?

I gave it to the burglar.

- Burglar? - Yeah.

Yeah, I gave it to your fake-ass robber.

Fake robber? Wait a minute.

Oh, come on, Martin, tell me you didn't give him

anything else.

Just all of Gina's jewelry. Why?

You.. Look.. Martin, look.

I did not send a stick-up kid here as a joke.

It was just fun for me seeing you paranoid, bro.

You are talented. You are good.

You really should get a agent 'cause your skills are tight.

Okay. Look, I'm gonna call the police.

- You better. - Yeah.

- Quick. - Tommy, kill the drama, man.

Okay? The joke is over.

What part of "jacked" don't you understand?

Martin, wait a minute. Wait, wait.

Just-just look at me.

Don't make me.

Martin, I'm serious.

I did not set you up to be robbed!

- Say what? - Jacked.

You got robbed!

Goddamn!

Ain't nothing about revenge!

Okay, okay, calm down, man.

Calm down, Martin, okay? It's alright.

- I just got off the-- - I didn't do it.

- Okay, relax. Relax. - I didn't.

- Oh, man. - We're gonna catch him.

I just got off the phone with Chip.

He said, come on down to the precinct

right away so you can file a report.

- Well, let's go, man. - What did he look like, man?

- I don't know, man. - We're gonna stop him.

- I don't know, man. - How could you give a perp..

- It could have been all on me. - Just relax.

- Okay, don't cry, man. - Calm down.

- Who told you to give the boy.. - You've got to relax.

...your stuff? I can't believe you did something so stupid.

- Hi, Pam. - Hey, Chip.

Hey, you're never gonna believe this.

- Alright? Okay? - Alright, alright.

What went down?

I was robbed!

- Calm down. - Okay.

Can you be a little more specific?

Well, what can I say? I..

- I was robbed! - Okay, alright, alright.

Tell him about what happened, okay?

- Tell him the story. - Okay, alright.

Well, he robbed me for my Hashi Tashi stereo

and my top-of-the-line Rolex.

Some other jewelry and stuff like that.

How did he get all that out by himself?

Guess what? Skinny the Pooh gave him a hand.

- I don't get it. - I..

I helped him out.

Excuse me?

I'm saying, "I helped him out."

You helped him?

Look, partner, okay?

I thought it was a part of a practical joke.

So, technically, you didn't get robbed.

You gave your stuff away.

Oh, no, he really gave it to him though.

Shouldn't y'all be out looking for the other glove?

- Martin, just calm down. - I'm sorry, Martin.

It's not everyday the jackee helps the jacker

to get jacked.

So, look. So what are you saying, man?

Are you gonna help me or what?

Look, we apprehended a couple of burglary suspects

earlier tonight.

Why don't you take a look at them

and see if you recognize anybody?

- That's good. That's a start. - See, there you go.

- That's what I'm talking about. - See?

- Justice! Justice! - Justice.

- Alright. - Bring out the suspects.

Alright, let's line 'em up right over there.

Come on.

Let's go, quickly.

There we go.

Right over here, partner.

Let's go.

Alright. Alright.

Do you recognize any of these people?

They look familiar to you?

Yeah, yeah, that's him right there.

- Right there in the black. - That's him?

- Yeah. - Well, I'm sorry, Martin.

But we can't arrest him. There's no evidence.

What you mean you can't arrest him, man?

Then why'd you bring him out here?

Well, we were hoping that you would have picked

the overweight lover.

You had to see what she had on her.

Oh, alright, you can let 'em go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean

let-let 'em go, man?

What do you mean, let them go?

You ain't letting 'em go nowhere, man.

Hold on, partner. Nah, man.

Nah, he ain't just gonna rob me like that, man.

You know? Look, man, he even got on my watch, man.

I'm sorry, Martin, there's nothing we can do.

Well, check it out, there's something I can do.

- Oh, no! Oh, no! - No, no, no.

Alright, alright.

Don't like the specimen here, okay?

- Calm down! Calm.. - Listen to me, listen!

Alright, I know.

- I know, I know, I know. Relax. - Come on.

- Relax. Relax. - Be cool. Be cool.

Alright.

How'd you like me now, dawg?

- Oh, man! Oh, man! Oh, man! - What?

I got you. I got you!

Tommy, that was good!

All of y'all was in on it?

All of y'all?

That was it.

All of them was in on it, huh?

No, no, no, no, no, do not look at me, Fleayonce

'cause I had nothing to do with it.

No, no, no, no, Martin. I did this all by myself, dawg.

See, I knew, I knew it, I knew you were gonna be so worried

about Pam getting her revenge.

- Yo, that was good, Tom Tom. - Like that?

Oh, you hadn't knew about it, too?

- Nah. I didn't know about it. - No, he didn't know about it.

I did it by myself!

Wasn't that funny?

- That's hilarious. - Tickled.

- Wow, you got a lot of friends. - Yeah, I got..

- Alright, well, look. - Yeah?

I'mma forget about it. You know, I'm cool.

I'll just meet y'all back at the crib.

- Okay, I'll get my stuff. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, wait, wait. Oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey. Meet at the crib?

Yeah, yeah, I get my stuff back there at the crib.

No, no, no, but what about us?

That's right, we rode in the same car.

- Remember? - Yeah.

Oh, shoot. Yeah, let me think.

Y'all better do like Spike Lee say.

- What? - "Get on the bus!"

Martin!

Okay, look, guys.

I'm gonna call the police, the cops..

I'm gonna call the police.

Just push him, just push him.

What?

Get to the point, Dennis.

I'll catch on, if you just throw it out there.

Throw it out there!

Yum! It's good!

Delicious! It's good!

You gotta eat it like that?

Well, no.

- Alright. - I'm goin' for the comedy.

Right, you're right. No doubt.