Original subtitles

Coming!

I'm coming!

Hey!

Hi, Roscoe. I have not seen you in a while.

How you doing? You look like you've grown.

You.. Are you getting bigger?

No, but your lips are.

You-you look like you could suck the skin

off some McNuggets.

- I'm serious. - That's not funny!

This is what I get for being nice to you.

- Go back, you're bad. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait a minute, wait, I'm about to ask you something--

What? What is it?

Is it true that you and Martin tried to make a baby?

Look, I-I-I, I don't even know why I'm having

this conversation with you.

Roscoe, you don't even know

where babies come from, okay, son? Whatever.

Babies come from dancing.

Oh, Roscoe, that's kind of cute. Okay.

See, I accidentally was looking through the, uh, the peekhole

at our house and I see my brother

with his girlfriend and they was under the cover

doing the Bop.

I'm sick.

Goodbye, you little nasty..

- I'm not nasty. I'm not nasty. - What? I'm telling you--

I'm not nasty, but I don't see nothing wrong

with a little buppity-buppity groditty-groditty.

Yeah, oh! Yeah, do it.

'Oh, yeah.'

Hello. Hey, Gina, baby, what's up?

Oh, no, no, Gina, I was just making me a protein drink.

No, baby, the kitchen is just the way you left it.

Yeah, I threw the Vitamin Es in there, that's right.

- Hey, Cole-- - No, no, no, no, no, baby.

'Hey.'

Excuse me. Where's the respect?

I'm on the phone.

Bro, you can call phone sex back.

Yo, yo, yo, I tried that phone sex one time, Tommy.

Yo, the phone ain't been working right since.

- And I got lucky on the phone. - G-get away, you nasty.

Hey, hey, hey, man, can we all shut up?

- I'm on the phone with my baby. - Alright.

Alright, what you saying? Yeah.

What, baby? So, you-you're ovulating?

Yeah, this is the time?

You know, I'm glad you told me that, Gina.

'Cause, you know

my Tuskegee Airmen are in formation.

They're all lined up and they ready to blast off, baby.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?

Okay, so.. You.. I.. Well, I'll see you

when you get here. That's right.

I've been ready for it for a long time.

I'm gonna do some push-ups. See you when you get here.

Bruh, bruh, hey, whoa, whoa, what you grinnin' about?

Uh, Gina's on her way home for some lunchtime dessert.

Yeah. So, what, man? You're married

you're supposed to do things like that every day.

No, man, not when you're trying to make a baby.

You gotta save up that batter

until it's time to cook that egg, man.

Batter some eggs. That's what I'm talking about.

Do I got another $1.99

so I can get another egg McMuffin?

It's a damn shame.

Grown men ain't got a $1.99.

He ain't got a ride either.

Damn, Pacer broke down again, man.

He needs a ride downtown and I'm already late for work, so..

Tommy, Tommy, hold on, hold on.

How are you gonna be late

for somethin' you ain't got, man?

- We go.. - Martin, look.

I figured it, okay? Since you're already off of work

maybe you could take him.

- Alright.. - Good.

Cole, why you gotta go downtown anyway, man?

'Cause I'm about to get broke off some lovely.

Doing what?

Jury duty!

Get out of here. Jury duty?

Man, get this out of my face, man.

Come on, Cole, get on out of here.

You're wasting my time, man. You know what I mean?

Man, you don't get paid no money doing jury duty.

Oh, okay, I see.

You ain't know it. Check it out.

$6 a day, plus, free meals

and check this out.

When I'm finished serving, I'mma go ahead

and write me one of them books

like, Christopher Dodd and them.

You can get paid.

Uh, Cole, can I ask you..

Can I ask you a question, man?

How you gonna, um, write a book..

...when you can't write your damn name?

I'll see y'all later.

Yo, I understand, Tommy, you know, man.

- It's frustrating, man. - Don't even sweat it.

Don't even sweat it, man.

I can write my name. I'm.. Bust the diss.

I-I'll hire myself one of them ghostwriters then.

Y-you know, although, I-I, I have to admit

I ain't never spoke to no ghostesses before.

Cole..

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you thinkin'.

No, no. No, you don't.

No, you don't. Not on this one, you don't.

'Cause if you did, you'd be running for your life, Cole.

Oh, you're, man, you're just jealous

'cause they ain't c-called you.

Man, please.

Man, please, they call me for jury duty all the time.

Ain't been there once.

Word?

- Yo, how you get out of it? - Man, please.

Them folks send me one of 'em tickets

rip, rippity rip, rip, rip.

- You know? - Oh, that.

Boom! Court's adjourned.

You the man, you.. Hey, shoot!

Hey, you can afford to give away $6 a day like that.

You living larger than I thought.

Let's get out of here, Dinky Henderson.

Alright. Yeah, you the man.

- Rippity, rip, rippity - Rippity, rip..

- This is it, right here. - This is it.

Alright, now, look, Cole. Make this fast, man.

I gotta hurry and get back to Gina.

And handle some business, if you know what I mean.

Alright?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Me and mom's trying to start our own business, too.

Cole, you know what, man?

The only case they gonna put you on is a mental case, man.

Come on, man. What you talking about?

I am the perfect juror.

Okay? I don't go nowhere.

I ain't never seen nothing.

And I don't understand a damn thing.

Who's next?

Lady, there ain't no line.

Don't get smart with me.

Just step on up here if you're next.

Alright, Cole Brown reporting for jury duty, sir!

Ma'am, uh, now, ahem

I'd like to get put on one of those

long, drawn out murder cases, you know.

Somethin' I could possibly get myself a book deal with

when I'm done.

Oh, you're one of those, huh?

Yes, ma'am, proud to do my civic duty.

Well, we do need several jurors for a misdemeanor case.

Misdemeanor, huh?

Yeah, I think I know her.

What she look like? She about yay tall?

Live on 3rd.

I don't get it.

Oh, and trust me, you never will.

Not-not with the goldie Cole, you will never.

Before I put you on a case

I have to ask you a few questions.

- Okay. - Are you employed?

I was working with Tommy Strawn for a while.

Unemployed.

Do you believe in the death penalty?

Do roaches count?

Whoa, wait, excuse me, lady, trust me on this.

You gonna have to put Cole on a very simple case.

This is a simple case.

Even a child could handle this one.

Oh. Well, then, Cole's your man.

- Who is this man? - Oh! Oh, him?

What, t-that's my boy Martin Payne

but, lady, look, he don't do jury duty, okay?

You better recognize.

- Psst. Shh. - Huh?

- Keep me out of that, man. - What?

I ain't gonna let her play you like that?

You the man. Man, please. Hey, lookie here.

You, you know what he do

when y'all send him them notices?

Rip, rip, rippity rip!

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

You the man.

Why don't you leave me out this, man?

Found it! Martin Payne.

We've been sending you jury notices since 1983.

Pedro, we got one!

It's alright.

She was telling me that somebody had sent me some notice

but I had never got the notices.

That's not what you said.

You s-you said, "Rippity, rip, boom!

- Court's adjourned!" - Hold on. Lady, okay?

'Cause I.. T-this obviously, is a big mistake.

But let me tell you, there ain't no way

old Marty Mart gonna be doing nobody's jury duty.

'All rise for the Honorable Judge'

'Mahalia F. Justice.'

'Court is now in session.'

Heck, this is about.. Man!

It's my baby, right on time.

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, baby.

Come on in here, boy, so I can give you

some lunch-time love.

Well, l--

Well, looky, looky.

Somebody trying to get them some yucky!

Sheneneh, what do you want? I'm expecting Martin to be home.

Oh, good, girl, 'cause I thought

you was having relations with yourself.

Oh, my goodness. I be cracking myself out did.

I do, though. I'm saying, you shouldn't do that.

Sheneneh, what do you want?

Girl, what?

Wait a minute, I suggest you watch your voice, okay?

Oh, watch your tone with me, okay?

You do the like thing.

And I thought you had a body up in here.

What?

But I see it wasn't nothin' but your stink perfume.

- It's terrible. - Just go.

Okay, just get out. Okay?

Just.. I got plans. Go on. Go!

Well, anyway, unless you cheating on Martin

you don't have no plans, okay?

Because I just saw your man Martin

and his little thick friend Cole

heading down to the courthouse.

Yes, they was, they was heading down the courthouse

and that was Cole and him

'cause I know Cole be wearing all 'em hats all the time.

Girl, you don't know what you're talking about. Goodbye.

Well, look, believe it or not, okay, believe it or not

but I suggest you start charging up some batteries.

Excuse me.

Terrible.

- Trial was over too quick, man. - We're gonna..

Let's take our time deliberating.

Uh, what y'all want to eat? Chinese or soul food?

Cole, Cole. Chill with all of that, man.

Now, you know I got to get home to my wife, okay?

Now, look, y'all-y'all vote guilty

and let's be out of here, please.

Ooh, I like a man who takes charge.

Excuse me, honey, but I'm-I'm having a bad day.

You might wanna turn down your high beams

'cause you blinding a brother. Thank you.

Maybe I'll order some pizza. Pizza'll probably come quicker.

Hey, you like anchovies?

Cole, come on, man. Vote.

T-the ballots, put it in, let's go.

- Alright. - Alright, everybody, okay.

Alright, hand them in, hand them in, hand them in.

Hand them in. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Okay, well, this is gonna be quick.

I'm on my way, baby. Just hold on.

Guilty. That's what I'm talking about.

"Guilty." Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

"Guilty." Uh-huh.

"Nosent."

Cole...how do you spell "innocent?"

N-O-S-E-N-T. Innocent.

Innocent. You thought I couldn't do it, did you?

Cole, Cole, whoa, whoa, whoa. Cole, Cole.

This is a open and shut case.

The man was caught on tape, man, from 16 different angles, Cole.

I got reasonable doubt.

What reasonable doubt?

The man own mama testified against him, man.

- That's that boy's mama, man. - Well, I ain't convinced.

Alright? Now, maybe if we order some grub

I'll be a little bit more convinced.

You know what I'm saying. Come on, man.

- Come on, man. No, come on-- - Sure. Yeah, sure.

Raise your hand if you're sure.

You know what I'm talking about.

Okay, alright, alright, well, how about I order the knuckles?

You like it raw, Cole? Huh?

Alright, now get your votes in.

Ooh, it's getting warm in here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, d-don't go there.

Please, please don't go there, not right now.

I-I ain't trying to see those right now, not today.

Hey, man.

Dinner was slamming, dawg. Okay?

And these ribs?

These ribs are the bomb.

Forget the ribs, man. I gotta get home to my wife.

Is that cool?

You acting like I'm the problem, man.

Cole, let me explain something to you, man.

We, we voted 47 times, man.

Everybody's voted guilty except you, Cole.

- What's the problem? - Un-uh. Un-uh. Un-uh. Un-uh.

This just don't add up. Hold on.

What, what don't add up, Cole?

I could've sworn I ordered some chicken fingers.

L-let me speak to you for a minute, Cole.

Oh, y-you talking about chicken fingers

and we're trying to get out of here, man.

The man is guilty of breaking and entering.

Alright, you gonna have to vote guilty, man

or else I'm gonna have to break and enter your skull.

Alright, then. Let's vote again. Come on.

Good, good, and so I can get home to my ovulating wife--

- Okay. Okay. - Does that make sense to you?

- That makes sense to me. - Okay.

Alright, now, everybody place your ballots in, please.

I know what my vote is. Yeah.

Alright.

- Whoo! - 'Thank you.'

We've been here over eight hours.

You know what that means, don't you?

Overtime, baby, give me some, give me some.

Look at you. This about you.

Alright.

"Guilty." That's right.

"Guilty." That's right. That's right.

"Guilty." Uh-huh.

"Innocent."

Who the hell voted "innocent?"

Hey, don't look at me, man. I didn't--

I did.

Yeah, um, Cole's right.

We did order some chicken fingers

and I ain't leaving until I get me some.

You're-you're-you're ignorance is contagious.

- I'm out of here, man. - You can't leave.

What do you mean, I can't leave?

This is court, this ain't jail.

Watch me.

Hey, man, what's up, man?

Oh, man, how y'all gonna..

Oh, man, y'all gonna throw me back in here.

Right there.. Oh, you Rodney King'd me.

Okay, okay, okay. Let's go.

I cannot believe that we are doing this, Tommy

just 'cause Gina had to work late.

Okay, okay, look, Gina is on her way out here now.

Okay? You know she ovulating

it's our job to get Martin and Gina mating.

Well, this whole thing is making me

feel like regurgitating.

Look, it's your best friend, just do it, okay?

Alright, alright, Tommy, I'm way ahead of you.

Hey, hey, where you goin'?

I'mma find out where Martin is.

See, I booked him and Gina a motel

right around the corner from the courthouse

so they could go in a room and do their thing--

Uh, um, hold up, hold up, hold up.

P-Pam, baby.

How you know that motel in the corner?

- Huh? - On-on-on the corner, baby.

Motel.. H-how you know?

Uh...'cause, um

I-I-I-I-I've been there before.

Oh, you've been.. You've been there before.

Remember those parking tickets I got way back?

Right.

Um, what ha-happened was

um, I kinda-I kinda persuaded the judge to drop the charges

if, if you know what I mean.

No, I-I don't know what you mean.

How did you persuade the judge, Pam?

Let's just say I took the law in my own hands.

I know, baby, he was so cute.

Hi, can I help you?

Y-yes, officer. Hi, how are you?

Um, w-we're looking for our friend.

What's he in for? What did he do?

Oh, no, no, officer, he didn't do anything.

Now that's what they all say, lady.

No, no, no, bruh. I don't, I, I don't think you understand.

See, um...her husband's on jury duty.

- My what? - Would you just--

You use my husband, you know what..

Look here, um, she really needs her husband, dawg.

See, she ovulating. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean

but I don't think I needed to hear all that, bruh.

Look, officer, you gotta find my husband quick

you know what I'm saying? He-he's so small

that he might get lost in the system.

Oh!

'"Lost in the system."'

That ain't funny.

I want you two to look here, nobody can bother the jury

while they're deliberating.

Officer, look, you don't understand.

I need my husband.

I know, sister, I completely understand.

Hell, I got a wife and a mistress.

Wait, you've got a what?

You know something? It's brothers like you

that give brothers like me a bad name.

- You tell 'em, Tommy. - Ouch.

You know what? Two women at one time?

Let me tell you something, brother.

If you ever need some help, here's my card

you give me a call. I'm serious--

Tommy, what are you doing over there?

- Stop. Stop being so.. - Nothing, nothing--

- Look, we gotta go. - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Look, lady, the jury room is closed

to the public until they reach a verdict.

- Tommy. - W-what?

Just follow me, okay?

I know this place like the back of my hand.

How you know..

Never mind.

Hey, hey, hold up.

Every damn body come to order.

Now, I say every damn body come to order.

Now, listen, I'm trying to get home to my ovulating wife.

- Can I do that, please? - Fine.

Fine, I got only one thing to say

then we can squash all this nonsense.

Finally. Go ahead, Cole.

I don't give a damn what y'all think

Mariah Carey's black.

She's Mexican.

She's black and black and black and black

and black and black and black, black, black, black

black and black.

Oh, I'm sorry, man. We..

We deadlocked on this Mariah Carey thing. I'm sorry.

You see what you done did?

You see what you done did, man?

You got these people acting a fool, Cole.

I'm trying to get out of here, man!

I'm sorry.

Well, I don't mind staying a little longer.

Honey, I think the breast thing for you to do

is to back up off me.

Now, don't get me wrong now

but back up off me.

Oh. Yo, Martin..

All this deliberating is making a brother delirious, man.

I could have sworn I seen Pam

sitting outside that window on a tree branch.

So? She's probably building her nest.

Crows do that, you know?

- True. - Right.

But this crow is holding up a sign.

Look.

"Meet Gina at the Motel 5 across the street."

"You need to get busy with Gina."

Now, I know that. I know that.

P..

"P.S., don't forget your magnifying glass."

"Now that's funny."

Yeah!

Now that's funny!

Cole. Cole!

Cole, give me a hand with this window, man.

Okay. Alright. Okay.

- Alright, now. - Alright, get the chair.

Gina's at the Motel Five.

I'm about to get over there now.

Ah, and, uh..

Hello, everyone.

Oh, shoot, here comes the judge.

Hey, yody, you looking fine in those plumps.

- I mean, pumps. - Excuse me.

- Young man. - Hey.

Is there any particular reason

that you're hanging out the window?

Uh.. Heh.

Well, well, Miss Judge..

Like, I-I..

I was just trying to get home to my wife.

S-she's ovulating.

- That-that-that-- - No problem with me.

In fact, everyone can go.

- You serious? - Yes.

You people took so long to reach a verdict

that the defendant finally broke down and confessed.

- This case is closed. - What?

- Goodnight, everybody. - Alright.

- Time to get laid. - That's what I'm talking about.

We went through all that, man.

- Oh, well, I'll-- - Let's get here, man.

I don't know about you, but I gotta get myself

with another one of them cases, dawg.

- Right, brah. - Yo, yo, hold up.

Hold up. Miss Demeanor, do anything yet?

Hey, Cole, don't leave me up in this window, man.

Oh, y'all..

Y'all serious?

Oh, sh..

Gina.

Oh, damn.

I'll be there, baby. I'll be there.

Okay.

Yeah.

There it is.

Oh, here we go.

Alright..

There. Alright there.

There we go.