Original subtitles

Oh, Martin, did you pick up that, uh

gift I asked you to get for Tommy?

- Oh-oh baby, it's right here. - Oh, good.

Right here...let's see...huh.

- Gimme, gimme, gimme. - Okay, right there.

What is this?

You were supposed to get Tommy

linen handkerchiefs.

This is a box of Kleenex.

Gina, snot don't know the difference babe.

Oh, oh Martin

I guess you dawg Cole have his gift too, didn't you?

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

No, I get Cole something fat, Gina.

Check it yeah ah..

Slidi-i-i-n-n-g.

- Babe, babe, check it out. - Ah-ha.

Mr. Payne, is this not the red shirt

that Cole gave you last year for Christmas?

Yeah, sure it is, Gina.

But you know, he liked this so much

I'm giving it back.

You are so well, boy.

What else you got in that bag?

The new Jordan's.

Wow, those are nice baby.

- Who are these for? - For me.

Yeah, I got 'em with the money I saved on Tommy and Cole.

Martin, why do you get yourself

a new pair of sneakers every Christmas.

Baby, Christmas is supposed to be about giving.

And I'm giving Gina, to myself.

- Mr. Me-me gimme ma, see you. - Alright, gimme, bye.

Jackie Chan!

O, Merry Christmas man!

I'm looking for Shenaine.

- Shenaine? - Yes.

Well, man, Shenaine live across the hall.

Oh, thank you. Sorry.

No-no problem. Alright.

'Who is it?'

Jackie.

'Oh, hi Jackie Chan.'

'Oh, my God. Hey, wait a minute.'

'Don't be coming over to my house unannouncedly.'

'Oh, I told you to page me.'

Yeah, what he doing seeing Shenaine?

'Well anyway, come on in.'

'How you do?'

Shenaine must got the illnanaa.

Wazzup.

They don't know me up in here.

Hey baby, want one of these?

Definitely most, definitely.

Oh, yeah.

Ah...mmm...mmm.

- You like those? - Mmm-mmm.

Ooo really?

Are they better than your mommies?

Gina, come on.

Not as good as mama. Come on, don't even talk like that.

Whatever! It's okay, people down at Nipsey likes them.

Nipsey?

Yeah you know, Nipsey's letting us use his place

to cook dinner for the needy tonight, you know that.

Why, how you're gonna feed the needy with Nipsey around?

Martin, just go get dressed please.

- Hurry up. - No, no need for that.

I'm not going.

Why?

Well, I figured I brought all the gifts and the food

I already did my part.

- Aw, Martin. - Did my part.

Martin, baby.

I'm really disappointed.

I thought we're gonna spend Christmas eve together.

What do you wanna do? You're gonna sit here

by yourself on Christmas eve.

You know that's exactly right.

I am.

You know what I mean. And I'm gonna watch this game.

Because half time is almost over.

And I'm gonna enjoy it over here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Help me out.

What is it? Christmas eve, y'all.

You already going down to Nipsey's?

Well, I'm ready, but Martin, the evil man

he ain't going, he won't like it.

- What? - Oh, really?

Now, well, I'm not surprised.

I figured Santa would need a little help

from his little elves tonight.

Soon, you'll be saddling up next to Rudolf?

Tell me there's gonna be a blizzard tonight.

You really gonna need to strap in.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Hey! - Stop it. Stop it!

- Pam...please leave him alone. - Martin, stop this.

Hey, let her out.

- Stop. - Okay, stop.

Okay, listen now Martin you better come with us man.

'Cause you're not gonna be able to get any

Nipsey's famous Eggnog, dawg.

I don't wanna be drinking no Eggnog, Tommy.

Then I'd be wobbling around

like frosty the bellman, dawg.

Hey, Martin look man, you better come help us man.

'Cause Santa knows whose being naughty and who is being nice.

Who is being naughty, who is being nice.

- 'That's right.' - You want a little help, huh?

- Little help? - Mm-hmm.

Here's some help for you.

Get out. Step!

I understand, good bye, Martin.

Oh, yeah.

So odd in this time of year.

Now, I can...get my chillo.

Gimme some rest.

Nay, everybody need a little sleep.

Hey, Martin wake up.

I say wake up.

Geee, boooy.

Hey, man.

Why y'all still here? I thought you already left.

Huh!

Why y'all dressed like dumb BMC?

Look here man.

We not who you think we are.

See, I-I-I'm not Tommy.

I'm the spirit from the Christmas past.

Oh and this here..

...that's my stupid assistant, Cole.

Why y'all bugging man?

Why y'all bugging?

We want you to come with us.

Just stop rattling that chain man.

Hey, Martin.

This is what we gonna do man.

See, we can go back. Mmm.

- Back into time. - Mm-hmm.

- Way back. - Way back.

You ready for this trip brother?

Hey, Mama. I'm gonna go over here and open up my gift.

'Are you buying that gift to her.'

''Cause I'll take your hand, I'm taking it.'

No mama. I promise. I wont mama.

- Yo, that' me back in the day. - Mm-hmm.

Whoa-whoa-whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa.

A G-U-Y pair of Chuck Taylors.

I remember that day.

That was-that was the only present I got.

Hey Martin, what's you got there?

I got me a brand new pair of Chuck Taylors.

Let me see 'em.

Alright, but don't breathe on it.

Seeeee.

Man, these ain't Chuck Taylors.

Ain't they some fake old Chuck Tylors.

Talking about Chuck Taylor.

Can you believe that?

My mama couldn't afford the real ones.

Here, little man.

Don't let 'em dawg you about the Chucks man.

Uh, Mart-Martin, he can't hear you man.

See he is not really there.

These are the shadows from your past.

A little shadows ain't no joke.

That was the day you lost your Christmas spirit.

Oh!

Uh...oh, man.

Gina, will have to tighten up on her cooking skills.

Them cookies got my-got my stomach churning.

My mama playing tricks on me.

Oh.

Hiyey.

Somethin' tells me, you ain't Gina right?

That's right.

I am the spirit of Christmas present.

And you're coming with me.

Oh, damn!

I say..

Nispey's Christmas party.

Why'd you bring me here?

Just watch.

Ah-ah-ah. Ah-ah, chubby, what are you doing?

That food is for the needy.

Hell, I'm needy. I need to eat.

Look, you need to go on a diet. That's what you need.

- That's really.. - Oh, that's cold, Gina.

All this cracker making me miss Martin.

You here that. They miss ol' Marty more.

Yeah, my baby is not really into Christmas.

Or anything else that has to do with spending money.

I mean, if Martin had his way

he would put a paid toilet in his apartment.

Is it like that?

Hey, no, don't talk about my man.

My man is very generous.

That's right.

You tell 'em, boo.

Nipsey, last time we was here

didn't-didn't Martin give you a tip?

Oh, yeah, Martin gives me tips all the time.

He told me, it wouldn't kill me to miss a meal.

Said don't eat after 12, all that kind of stuff.

Hey-hey go on to yourself.

Hey Gina, just admit it.

Ebenezer Scrooge is a cheap skate.

The only reason why he married you was for the free rice.

Come on boo, get my back.

Back to the subject in hand please.

Now, I don't appreciate y'all

exaggerating about Martin.

- Exaggerating? - Yes. Exaggerating.

The man Xerox's Christmas cards

hands them out and returns the original for a refund.

- Exaggerating! - Disgusting.

'No, no, no, no, no, no.'

My baby is not cheap okay.

He takes me places and gives me

things all time we go to dinner.

- He gives me flowers. - Right.

He takes me to the movies.

- Question? - Gosh.

What kind of ticket does he buy you?

Huh?

I said what kind of ticket does he buy you.

That's what I said.

Speak up, Gina.

Child's ticket.

- A child's ticket. - A child's ticket.

- Alright, my baby's cheap. - There you go.

- You know the man. - I ain't cheap.

I ain't cheap. I ain't cheap.

I ain't cheap.

Hey, I ain't cheap.

I ain't cheap. I ain't cheap.

I ain't cheap.

I ain't, you know I ain't cheap.

Get out man, I ain't cheap.

I ain't cheap.

You know, I ain't cheap.

You know-know I..

Oh, that's it.

That's it.

Ain't no be more spirits coming up in here.

I ain't..

Alright.

Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about. Ain't gonna be no more of that.

Okay, so kill that no voice.

Stop, it ain't gonna be there.

Oh!

Pam, what you doing here?

You look more scarier than usual.

I ain't Pam, you little drama boy.

I'm the spirit of Christmas future.

Goddamn!

They ain't got no cure for yuck mouth in the future?

Shut it up, tiny Tim.

And take a look..

...at your future.

Somebody get the phone.

'That's you 40 years from now.'

Go, go, Michael Grant.

Son, soak and play daddy.

Michael Jordan, you the bad player there boy?

Let's see.

Junk.

Junk.

Oh, bingo! Social security.

I saw that you witch, you stuck me for my paper.

Gimme. You stuck me for my paper.

Yo perv, get off my purse, man.

Why else I would come over here?

- To check on your old behind? - What?

I said why else would I come over here to check

on your moss smelling behind.

Somebody, get the phone.

Never mind that.

Where's Gina?

Oh, man. You know Gina left you years ago.

No diggity, no doubt.

- Come on, it's lunch time. - What?

I said, it's lunch time.

Come on, eat your munch.

Come on, Come on.

What is that?

What is that?

What-wha-what-what is that?

It's your munch, man!

This ain't no damn munch.

It's dog food.

This is not that all yellow.

You know what, I ain't gonna force you to eat.

I-I-ain't gonna force you to eat.

I gotta get home to my husband, Cole.

No diggity, no doubt.

Let me take you for your walk.

Somebody, get the phone.

Come on here man.

Let me take you for your walk.

Good, now get your leash.

So, we could go for a walk.

- You know what? - Yeah.

Martin, you don't cracked on me for the last time.

I am tired of putting up with your mess.

- Not the steps. - Oh, I'm tired.

Not the steps, nooo!

No, not the steps.

Not the steps.

No. No.

That's it.

I gotta be more like the man in the mirror

and make that change man.

Got to make the change.

Hey..

...Detroit. The World, America.

Ah. Merry Christmas.

Happy Kwaanza. Happy Hanukkah.

Happy birthday. All that...from one and only Martin-Mart.

From, Martin-Mart.

Yeah.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

I said, Merry Christmas.

- I said, Merry Christmas. - Hey, Martin.

- Nip, Merry Christmas, man. - Thanks man.

Look, I got a tip for you.

I know, "At dinner time, just say, no."

Oh, man. I mean, you know that-that too.

But, uh, check it out.

Check it out.

Merry Christmas, Nip. Merry Christmas.

Well, alrighty.

- Merry Christmas. - Ooh, uh-ha. Martin, hi.

- Merry Christmas. - What are you doing here?

I thought you were watching football.

Gina, why would I be watching football baby? It's Christmas.

Hey, hey, hey, Martin.

- I see you made it down, dawg. - Yeah.

- Hey, what's up? - What's up man?

Alright, I really wanted to say happy holidays

to you and all that.

And uh..

I want to give y'all your gifts here.

No, no! No, no, no, no.

We, uh...no.

We had decided, remember we had decided later.

That we wanna give it to 'em later.

'Cause I explained it to y'all. Remember, I said later.

Gina, Gina baby, we're not gonna give 'em them cheap gifts, baby.

Baby, don't be like that.

We're not gonna give them a cheap gift.

Wait a minute, Martin. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Where did you do your Christmas Shopping?

In the "99 cent store."

That was my Christmas jokie joke.

You know that's funny, right. You know that's funny.

- That's hilarious. - It's hilarious.

Merry Christmas to you too.

She your girl. I tell you. Alright, here we go.

- What's with him? - Cole, you..

Okay, okay, okay, let me guess.

Uh, in this right here would be

a red shirt exactly like I gave you last year.

Cole, why don't you just open the gift, man.

Merry Christmas. This for you.

Let me try this. Huh...oh snap.

- You like that? - Yo, this is fat.

- That's the-- - Don't no, no don't touch.

This is fat.

This is uh..

...this-this be the nicest thing you ever gave me, man.

Hey, Cole, it's the only gift I ever gave you.

Just enjoy it man.

True. Check this. Going to check this out, man.

Okay uh..

Oh.

- Tom-Tom. - Oh, oh-oh.

Yeah, but Tom, it's not Xerox.

I know how you don't like me Xeroxed.

- Who told him that? - I didn't say it..

Also, uh...just open it man.

- Go ahead, open. - Alright, alright.

- Oh man, look at that! - Huh, Tommy!

Some linen handkerchiefs' with my initials on them.

Man, this-this is beautiful man.

This is classic. Thank you. Thank you very much.

- Yo, where is mine? - Yeah.

Yeah and uh..

This, you know..

I know how much me and you beef.

You know, I mean, we go back and forth, you know.

- Yes we do. Yes we do. - Arguing like, you know.

Respect.

Merry Christmas.

What is it, a leash?

A cowbell?

Oh, no, let me guess.

A flea collar.

Well, it's for you, okay.

Open it, Pam.

Hmm-hmm.

'Merry Christmas.'

Martin, this is byeautiful.

Boy, are you just sick?

Are-are you okay?

What is it, your stomach churning?

I'm alright. I'm cool. I mean it's just

my way-my-my way I express myself.

Much love run out of days.

- Now, go. - Thank you, Martin.

- This was really sweet of you. - Alright.

Nip...gimme a drink.

Baby, um...you know I got you something special.

It is not here. It's at home.

You being here tonight is gift enough for me.

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

I'mma get some Eggnog.

- Okay. - Oh, baby.

- Yo, little man. - Hi.

What's that man, your feet must be cold, huh?

It's not too bad, if I stuff some newspaper in there.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

I'll just find around, you know, stuff it in here.

Yeah, I hear that.

What size do you wear man?

Um, about a eight.

Eight?

Yeah, eight.

You play ball?

A little bit.

- No, you like sport? - If I could find one.

If you could find one, huh?

I understand that, respect, respect.

- Yeah. - I hear that.

So, you said you wear eight, huh?

- Yeah, I'm eight. - Yeah.

Okay, man.

I don't know if these will fit you, but uh..

...try them for size.

Ah! The new Jordans.

Yeah.

No. I couldn't take these from you.

I know, they cost real.

Oh, man. No matter how much they cost.

As long as it's from the heart.

These from the heart.

- Alright. - Alright.

Put them on your feet. Keep your feet warm.

Respect. Merry Christmas, man.

Martin, I love you so much.

I love you so much.

Thanks, mister.

Uh..

Uh, merry Christmas, everybody.

- Merry Christmas. - That's real.

That's real. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

What?

Oh, alright, alright.

Somethin' tells me you ain't Gina, right?

That's right.

I am the voice of..

Sorry, next time, not so much of a big entrance.

I say, oh daamn!

I don't know if I'm happy or sad going with her.

I'm not mad at all