Original subtitles

'Rhonda, oh! baby.'

What the hell?

Cole!

Why you almost make, "Whooh-ooh?"

What you doin' coming in here this time of night?

- Huh! - And you would be who?

- Hi. - Uh...moms.

This is my friend, Rhonda.

- Moms, Rhonda. - Rhonda, moms.

Goodnight, moms. Come on.

Your mother is your roommate, Cole?

Roommate?

Roommates pay rent.

- Cole is more like a squatter. - Oh!

Aah! Ooh, that's funny, mom.

Well, goodnight, moms. Come on.

So, where was y'all going this time of night?

Well, we tried to go see "Nothing to Lose"

but it was sold out.

What? You should've told me, baby.

I got the hook up.

I got a bootlegged copy in the room.

- Let me get it for you. - Mm-hm.

Cole, act like you got some kind of home training.

Offer your lady friend here some of them pig knuckles.

You know what, Cole, maybe I should just go.

No, no, no, baby chill, chill, please, please.

Baby, don't you go nowhere, okay?

Cole will go in there and straighten everything out.

- Mm. Grr! - Okay.

You stay right there. You sure, you don't want no pig knuckles?

- Oh, no, no, no, I'm cool. - Look here, ma..

'Did you see her have a look'

'when I offered her some pig knuckles'

'Ma, everybody black don't eat pig knuckles'

'Hey, hey, ma, I gotta give me somethin' tonight. Wassup?'

'Well, you better get you a $13-motel.'

- 'Well, gimme some money then.' - 'Take it!'

They owe me twice.

No, she didn't No, she didn't.

Hey, Rhonda!

I got $13.

Damn, thank you, mom, thanks a lot.

Hope you're satisfied. She's gone.

I didn't like her little stank attitude, anyway.

Alright, let me ask you something.

How come any time I bring somebody over here

you got to be all up in my business?

'Cause I pay the rent here.

I'd never get into your business, Cole.

Now, what happened to that nice little Shanise girl?

Well, yeah, you know Shan-Shanise is cool.

I mean, I really liked her, ma.

Now, see I-I thought she was the one.

But she told me she needed some space.

So, I just backed up off her.

Ooh, that's a shame. I liked her.

I liked her way better than

I liked that little stuck-up thang that went outta here.

Yeah, mom, me too, but, you know, but, uh, in the meantime

brother got needs, you know, brother got needs.

I got needs, too.

So, why don't you go on over there in the kitchen

and heat me up some of them pig knuckles.

And while you're over there, baby

look in that junk drawer, gimme that sharp razor

'cause my corns is kickin'!

Wassup? Wassup? Wassup?

What time Cole say he was gonna be there?

I don't know. Martin, that's another thing.

Why do we have to ask Cole to house-sit?

Why can't we ask Pam?

Uh, baby, I thought of that.

But tonight is a full-moon, Gina.

Baby, I figured the Wolf Pam'd be busy.

You know, you really need to leave her alone.

- She ain't hit a crack on you. - Yeah, but..

Hey, hey there, there it is. It's all fixed now.

See, we totally secure now, baby.

See, what I like about this lock is it's dynamic.

So, you know, and what, what it does is

people can't just walk right in there, so..

You, uh, you wanna get that checked on, man

people could just walk right in.

- Cole, do me a favor. - Wh-what's up?

Remind me to give you a ass-whupping later.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- What time's good for you? - Uh..

Let's see.

Uh,43 is good for me.

Eh, I'm busy at43. Can't do that.

Wh-wh-what time can you get then?

44?

44, alright cool.

Well, I'm gonna be running late but, wait on my ass-whupp.

Okay.

Okay, cool. Alright, now..

Listen up, we got some rules.. Bite it, Gina.

- Run it down. - I got this, baby.

Alright, Cole, first things first.

- Umm, no long distance calls. - "No long distance calls."

- No local calls. - "No, local calls".

- No company. - "No company."

And-and-and-and most of all

no toenail clipping, huh-huh...flashback.

- Are you alright? - Yeah.

Alright...alright, alright, cool, got it.

No problem, anything else?

And, Cole. Uh..

You're not gonna like this, but I put a lock on the fridge.

Uh, I set the alarm, so don't try to pick it.

- So, uh.. - So, that's it.

Cole, other than that make yourself at home

and we'll be back first thing in the morning.

Yeah, cool.

And, Cole, remember..

- Respect my house. - Respect my house.

- That's right. - Right.

- Alright, cool. - Alright, baby, you know..

- You know, ain't no big thing.. - That's what I'm saying.

I can control, you know what I'm saying.

Hey look, "No calling, no clipping, no company."

I ain't gonna do none of that, brother ain't do none of that.

Until y'all are gone.

Rhonda.

What up, girl?

Bet you never guess who this is.

Nope.

Nope.

'Shwoop! Okay!'

Shwoop!

Pow!

Shwoop! Hey!

Hold on, coming right there

my sweet little Chocolate Frappuccino

Alright, hold on, girl, I'm coming.

Oh, I said, I'm coming.

Oh, Martin, please.

Look-look, Gina, just admit that you're wrong, baby

and I'll squash the whole thing.

What? What are you talking about?

I'm not wrong.

It was not my fault that they changed

a hotel into a topless bar.

Oh, it is my fault, Gina.

No, but why did it take you a half hour

to come up from out of there?

Baby, they had two-drink minimum.

You had to buy the drinks.

Martin, please!

- Don't even try. - Uh..

Cole...is that my robe you got on there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah what you think?

I think you're gonna be picking your teeth up off the floor, man

if you don't take off my robe, Cole.

- Take off my robe, man. - Hey, hey, one second.

Excuse me.

Eww, you stink, Cole. You stink.

What is that smellin' like olive beans! Damn, boy!

- Yuck, yuck, oh.. - Yucky.

- Cole, damn. - What?

Smells like feeding the ass up in here, man.

What? Martin, this is your cologne.

Next time, take a shower first.

It don't mix well with funk, man.

Alright, hey, hey, guys, guys, what brings you here?

We live here, Cole?

Yes, and we appreciate you looking out for our crib.

Now, make like a capper and step.

Step.

That's funny, look-look here, man.

I-I don't want to get in the middle of

no arguments between you and Gina.

- I can understand. - You can understand.

You know, I mean, they take a long time, you know.

So, why don't you two take the pacer.

It's right downstairs.

And go ride about it for a couple of hours?

Oh. Oh!

Cole did you, you-you wearing the cologne

or did you drink it, man?

Cole...what is this all about?

And where are all of our pictures?

How should I know Gina? I don't live here. You do.

- Hey, Cole. - 'Alright.'

Sorry, I'm late.

Excuse...just..

Excuse it, excuse it.

Who is this?

Who am I? Who are you?

This is my man's apartment.

- Your man's apartment? - Hmm-mm.

Oh, no, sweety.

This is not your man's apartment.

We-we go and roll now, we-we-we gonna get up out of here.

You know, cleaning people came real late.

Oh, we gonna get out your way

so y'all can clean my apartment.

Clean your ap.. M-Martin, well..

Cole, look-look here, Cole..

Look, lo-look here, Cole.

I suggest you and your little friend get on here, man.

Okay, get on, man, go. I mean..

Go step out of the apartment, man

because ain't goin' be no getting busy

up in our apartment, Cole. Not up in here, Cole.

- Your apartment? - Yes.

Cole, I cannot believe that you lied to me again.

This isn't your place.

You know what.

You call me, when you get it together.

- And not a minute less, okay. - Alright.

Uh-huh.

What y'all think? She kind of-she kind of cute?

Cole!

Did we not say, "No company?"

- Did we not say that, at all? - We said, "No company."

Well, o-o-okay-okay my bad, my bad, my bad.

Look, I'm.. Y'all-y'all don't understand, man

I can't just get no privacy when moms around.

Yeah, yeah, and we can't get any privacy with you around.

You know, uh..

I'm sure she don't mean to be facetious

when she says that, man.

Whoo, but, uh..

Wait a second, wh-wh-wh-what's facetious mean?

Nah, it really-it really..

It really don't matter at this point, Cole.

It really don't, okay, but the word

seem to flow at that point, okay?

That's what really matters in a conversation, Cole.

Listen, and this is probably some of the

best advice I'm probably gonna give you as a friend, man.

Listen..

- You're a grown-damn-man. - Grown-damn-man.

You know what I mean?

- Get off the couch, man. - Yeah.

- Get outta your mother's house. - Yeah.

Stop putting your name on the orange juice.

- Yeah, that's petty. - That's petty, Cole.

Get out and get your own place.

It's the American dream.

The American way.

Yeah, you-you-you right, you right, I'm-I'mma

take that chance, I'm-I'm-I'mma go ahead and do that.

I'mma go and get my own crib.

And when you do..

...you too can hear that sweet sound..

That goes a little something like this.

'I got to give it to Cole'

'he finally moved out of his mama's house.'

Hmm, my peoples, come on in.

Yes, that's right.

Welcome to the Taj MaCole.

Lord have mercy, I don't believe it.

I mean..

I don't believe how nice this is, Cole.

- Thank you. - Yeah, Cole, umm..

Uh, the-the-the place is..

The place is, uh...is, uh..

It's really...it's real..

Gina, help me out here, please.

Huh? Oh, it, uh...is..

- Yours. - Yours.

And it just needs some home improvement.

- Yeah. - Yeah, like a wrecking ball.

Oh, man, this-this-this place is terrible.

- No, it's not. - Gina, it's whack!

It's.. You're exaggerating, it's not that bad.

- Martin? - Okay, maybe you're right.

Baby, it's worse.

Look, how he's living, Gina. Look, how he's living.

Martin, don't even try it. I don't know why you tripping?

As tiny as this place is you should feel right at home.

Yeah, well, you better be careful.

I seen one of your little cousins in the corner.

Alright, alright, lookie here, lookie here. Hey, hey, hey?

Come on now, look! Hey-hey-hey, hey, there is going to be no

fighting in Big Coly-Cole's crib, alright?

- You better tell him. - Alright, alright.

- My concern's on this, man. - Okay, listen..

Come on now.

Now-now-now-now all eyes on me.

I'm about to take you on a grand tour, okay?

- Oh, cool. - Check it out.

I got it. Cool.

If you look to your left, you'll see

that the living room/dining room/kitchen.

End of tour. Watch your steps getting off, now.

Okay?

Are you serious, man?

Man, this place is so small

you gotta go outside to change your mind.

It happened to me yesterday.

Look, umm, at least you have a nice-sized closet, man.

Closet. Come one, dawg. Quit playing.

- This is the bedroom. - Wait a minute!

Bedroom. The only way you can sleep in there is standing up.

And why don't you show him how it's done, Mr. Ed.

Willbur-r-r-r.

- That's just disrespect! - Don't disrespect, Pam!

Hey, yo! Y'all gotta keep it down now.

I only paid rent for one month.

- Alright. - Okay.

Now listen.. Uh, now check this out. This is sweet right here.

You know for when Coley-Cole has come company over, right?

Ba-boom! Guest bedroom right here.

Um, no, y'all, but look at this, this is nice.

This is nice, he has a nice little antique ice box.

This is very nice.

I say, hot-damn!

'Oh, my goodness'

There's something rottin' in there, Cole.

You need to check that. It's stinking.

What the hell is..

Unh-unh, no, no, Gina. Th-th-this ain't mine.

Th-this was here when I got here.

Cole, don't be living like this, come on!

But, uh, which reminds me though..

'Cause, I knew y'all was coming over.

So, I took the liberty of making y'all some lunch.

Lunch? Oh, whoo-whoo..

Look at the time. I got to be out.

Me, too! I'm late for work.

Yeah, I got to drop into work.

You know how important this job is.

Oh, okay-okay. Ha-ha-ha.

I see what this is. I see what this is!

You're just jealous cause Cole is living large now.

Cole, the only thing large in here are the roaches.

Ahh, damn, they go over there.

Come on in, come on.

Whoo!

So, this is really your own place right, Cole?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

No roommates, no moms and I can

clip my toenails any time I want to.

That's real nice, Cole.

Okay. So, don't hold back.

Come on, tell me what you think? Ain't it the bomb?

Ain't it a bomb, girl?

It's more like a bomb hit it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh-oh, I'm sorry.

- Lemme-lemme take your coat. - Oh, uh-hm, no-no.

I-I'mma keep it on, 'cause, uh..

I don't want to get my dress dirty.

Oh, o-okay cool.

Well, here let me help you with some Horse Divers.

"Horse divers?"

"H-Horse D-Divers."

Cole..

That's Hors D'Oeuvres.

Oh...Horse D'Oeuv..

Damn. I-I-I must have got the wrong box then, huh?

Hey-hey, girl..

Spread a little that on your cracker, girl.

What's that?

Hog head cheese, girl.

No, you better get with the hog-head cheese, girl.

No, thank you. Uh, I'm away for dinner.

I don't wanna ruin my appetite.

Cool. Suit yourself.

Uh, uh, uh, lookie here.

Got myself another cozy couch.

Oh, is it?

Mmm-hmm.. Come on, test it out.

Come on, girl.

Sit your.. Put yourself down right there.

You love that feature, don't you?

Mm.

It's nice and cozy here, you now.

Uh, if you say so.

Mm-hm, nice and..

Mm.. Cozy. Mm-hm.

Cole, where did you find this couch at?

- In a dumpster? - Oh, snap. You saw it, too.

Hey, yo, I guess I beat you to in then, huh?

You know what, Cole, I'm really sorry

but this ain't gonna work.

Hey, hey, hey, hold on, Rhonda, hold on.

Now, this ain't right.

You said, once I get my own apartment

the things was gonna be cool.

Cole, this isn't an apartment okay?

This is a disgrace. Look at this.

Look...uh..

And where did you find this ugly lamp?

Oh, hello. Unh-unh. Don't go there.

My mama gave me this ugly lamp.

You need to give it back to her.

Is that right?

- You-you know what, Rhonda? - What?

You're right.

I don't think this gonna work out.

This, this ain't happenin'.

Uh, I mean, you know, uh, uh..

My place is cool, I mean it ain't all of that

but...it's mine.

You know what I'm saying?

And I'd rather be here alone

than spend one more second with you.

Now get your stuck-up snorty ass on out of here.

I'd never.

And, honey, you never wheel with me.

Peace.

Yeah, moms.

I want to come back.

I'm lonely and my place is whack.

Oh, and if you get this message, it's me, Cole calling.

Uh, Sh-Shanise!

Oh, I didn't think you were gonna recognize me.

It's-it's only been a few days.

Well, how come you didn't call me, Cole?

Well, 'cause you said you needed some more space.

And I found more space, I got a bigger apartment.

Is-is.. That's what you meant by you needed more space?

Oh, yeah. What did you think, I meant?

Uh-ah, don't worry about that, girl.

So-so, what's up? How did you find me?

Oh, I ran into your mother in the parking lot.

No, you didn't. Is she okay?

Oh, she is alright, but my car is totaled.

Cool! Your apartment!

Yeah, I know, I know, it's, uh..

Beautiful!

- It is? - Well, yeah.

Look, all you need are some curtains.

Uh, maybe a rug and.. This couch, uh..

You know I threw out one just like this, this morning?

Girl, get out of here!

N-n-no, no, don't.

Hey, hey, hey Cole. Alright man, let's go.

What do you want us to move out here first?

- Oh, hi Shanise. - Hey, Shanise.

Hey, how y'all doing? Yada-yada all that..

Let's get this over with, please?

Yeah, Cole, 'cause I got more

important things to do with my time.

I mean, look, they got marathons of "What's Happening Now!!"

happenin' in all week.

- What's happening? - Uh-uh, look-look, guys.

- I decided that I'm not moving. - What?

What you mean you decided you're not moving?

You called us all the way over here for nothing?

Cole, I thought that

you hated this place and you wanted to move out?

Yeah, yeah, I-I-I know guys I'm-I'm sorry.

But I changed my mind.

Besides, Shanise here says she gonna help me make it over.

Cole, I think we should fix the apartment up first

before I give you a makeover.

No, no babe, he ain't, no..

No, no, no, ple-please tell me you two won't reproduce?

Just don't have kids.

Hey, lo-look, guys, why don't we go

so these two can...do whatever it is they do.

Uh, let's see, let's see, Cole

next time you decide to move

I don't wanna know about it, man.

Don't call me.

Hey, Cole, come on, let's get started.

That's exactly what I had in mind.

Yeah, Cole, 'cause I got more important things to do, okay?

With my time, why do you call us all up here? Wassup? Uh, I mea..

I mean, what's happenin'? I mean, I mean, I got..

Start it from here.

Alright.

Hey, baby, hurry up with that lock.

If we're late for the hotel..

You knew, I wasn't gonna get that line, Garret!