Original subtitles

Martin!

- Thank you. - Like it?

Yes, I do. Baby, this restaurant is gorgeous.

Ain't nothing too good for my baby.

- Anything you want, boo-boo. - Sweety, this is romantic.

It reminds me when we first started dating, baby.

Gina, these prices like ain't like

when we first started dating.

And they got no value packs to pay?

Would you stop?

Come here.

You know what, babe, we haven't spent a nice, quiet evening

alone in a long time?

Babe, that's why I chose this restaurant, Gina.

'Cause it's nice and quiet.

Damn! I know it ain't that funny.

- Bonjour, monsieur, madame. - Thank you.

Wow! Baby, this is what I love about this restaurant.

I heard they got some nice wine.

- Yeah? - Yeah, real smooth.

You know what I mean?

Man, what the hell is this?

But, monsieur, this is one of our best wines

Emmanuel Rouget 1940.

Yeah, well, look, just drop the 19 and bring me a 40.

Ah, an excellent choice, monsieur.

I believe I have Accord 45 chilling in the ice chest.

And for the lady?

Um, I'll just have the white wine. Thanks.

Damn, man! Yo, my man.

Look, you want to tell Too-La-Crew to keep it down.

Else I'm open up a can of whupp-ass.

Oh, no, not the whupp-ass!

I will speak to the maitre d'.

- Alright, do that. - Baby.

Don't let those people upset you.

Hey, Gina, they ain't upset me, but, baby, at these prices

I should be able to come to a restaurant with my baby

and enjoy a nice, quiet evening.

- Lovely? - And you will, baby.

First, I got to go to little girls room.

- Come here. - Mm.

Hurry back. Hurry back.

Hey, yo, man.

Do you realize what you have done?

Nah, but if y'all tryin' to jack a brother I'm taking

the biggest one out first.

You don't understand. You are a hero.

You have saved the life of Prince Uche.

What are you talking about, man?

I ain't save the life of no hoochie.

What is your name?

Payne. Martin Payne.

Thank you, Mr. Payne.

I owe you my life.

Unbelievable, monsieur.

Marty-Marty! I'm a hero already!

Whazzup? Whazzup? Whazzup?

- Oh, no, Martin. - Uh, I'm telling you, Gina.

Okay, I've saved the life of African prince, Gina.

Hey, look, that brother was climbing

the stairway to heaven, Gina.

And, Marty-Mar yanked him back down.

Well, maybe, that's the prince now!

Is this the home of Martin Payne?

I was sent by Prince Uche.

Oh, my God!

I hate to say I told so, dear, but I told you so.

I am Chibo, aid to Prince Uche and I have come bearing gifts.

Gifts? Well, why didn't you say so?

Come right in! Back up. Back up, Gina. Back up!

My husband told me that he saved

the life of a prince, but I didn't believe him.

- Oh yes, he is a national hero. - What?

It is the biggest celebration in Nigeria

since we won the Olympic gold in soccer.

Hey, hey, anything for the home team. That's just how I do.

And, the Prince would like to express his gratitude

by presenting you with these gifts.

What?

I hope you will find these items to your liking.

- Oh! - For me?

- Martin? - Oh.

- For me? - Baby..

Gina, look. Wait a minute.

I can't beli..

- A PlayStation? Gi-- - That's..

Gina, I never had no PlayStation, baby.

Oh!

Martin, what.. Baby?

- What is it? Let me see! - Oh, Gina.

- Look, look, baby. - Let me see.

- Oh, baby, call me Father Time. - Oh!

- It's diamonds - It's a Rolex.

I gather you like the gifts?

- Oh! - You gathered right, man!

Um, can you do me a favor?

Can you tell Prince Uche to.. Oh, aks him uh, rather..

Uh, uh, uh, to send me some sneakers

um, uh, size nine, if he-he don't mind.

Baby, I am so sorry that I doubted you.

- Let me open this-- - No, Gina, no, no.

Back up! Back up!

Don't try jackin' a brother now.

This is mine, all mine.

You are stingy.

You know what, Martin, here you go, bruh.

If you had to help somebody

I'm glad you helped somebody..

...with some money, dawg.

I am too, dawg.

Damn, Gina. You told me little man got broke off

but this is ridiculous. Oh, snap.

I didn't even no they made teeny tiny shoes this size.

- Look! - That's alright!

That's alright! Don't worry about that.

I'mma have them bring you some horse shoes.

- Get away from me! - Ha-ha!

- Martin! - Yeah?

Did the prince send you more stuff?

Uh, yeah, Gina, baby, now I got more

Swooshes than Tiger Woods.

Don't you think this is going overboard, Martin?

- Come on. - Oh, baby, no.

It's not too much, Gina.

I saved the-the life of a prince, Gina.

Whatever, I'm gonna go try this one. I-I..

Hey, what's up?

- What is wrong with you? - 'What is going on?'

- Hey, man. - Oh, no!

I knew it! I knew this stuff was hot.

He did it.

He did right here.

Hey, now what the hell is going on?

Huh, how y'all gonna come back barging my place like that?

I'm about to deliver ass whupping.

I apologize for the intrusion.

But, the prince, demanded to see you.

Hey, how are you doing, prince?

I'm-I'm happy to see you. How're you feeling?

- How are you, my friend? - Alright.

I just wanted to see if all the gifts met with your approval.

Oh man! The gifts are beautiful!

Th-they meet my approval, everything.

But, uh, what's up with your boys

rolling up in here like that, man?

This-this my place, prince.

You know I mean? I mean, they was about to

catch a serious beatdown.

Um, what is this beatdown

and where do you get it?

Lookie here, chief.

Me and man who saved your life

we-we're like the same, right?

Go on, go on and tell we're like this right here.

That's right. We're like this.

- Excuse me. - Partners.

I'm havin' a little problem with my pay, sir.

It's, uh, it's ridin' a little low.

Could you hook me up with some sharks?

Oh, uh, you're gonna have to excuse him.

He-he's a little mentally challenged.

Damn right, I am. Thank you. Thank you.

Excuse me, young man. Can look..

Can-can I ask you this question, man?

Where did you get this cool fit, brother?

I mean, I-I would love to wear something like that

down at my job, man.

No disrespect intended, my good brother

but the word in the motherland is, uh..

"You ain't got no job."

I got a job, alright?

Wait, just move out of my way.

- Get out of my way. - Hey!

Hi.

Pleased to meet you.

Um, you know what? Don't pay them any mind.

I-I-I don't want anything from you.

You know what I'm saying? I-I-I just want to know

how can a sister be down?

Pam! Pam! Excuse me, Pam!

Excuse.. Back up off the prince!

Okay?

It's about me.

Honey, how does this look?

Like a vision of loveliness.

Um, who are all these people, Martin?

Oh-oh, Gina, this is the prince.

- This is Prince Uche. Yes. - Ah-ha!

- Yeah, yeah. Prince Uche. - How you doing?

Prince Uche, that's my wife.

That's my wife.

You are a very lucky man, Mr. Payne.

- Thank you very much. - Thank you.

You know, tonight is my last night in your country.

And it would be my honor

to invite all of you to my hotel for dinner.

- Oh! - Did he invite us to the hotel?

- We're going to the hotel! - All of us, yeah!

Yes! Can you believe that?

We go to the ho..

Now are you sure

you want Gladys Frightened and her pimps to be there?

Oh, yes, of course.

Uh, Miss Fright

and her pimps are more than welcome to come.

So, I'll send my limo to pick you up.

And now as they say, in your country

"Let us be out."

'Yeah.'

Hey!

Pe-peace to the motherland.

And I mean this sincerely..

Hey, this is the Presidential Suite, dawg.

- Baby, this is gorgeous. - Boy, check this out.

- Check this out, man. Ooh! - That's right.

- Hey! - Hey! Whoa-whoa, man.

You don't know me like that, man.

I'm sorry. It is routine security precaution.

Wait a minute. Hold up. Hold up, okay?

I do not get searched by men, okay?

Don't let me start nothing up in here.

Not unless it's you, 'cause you got a boon-ass body.

Search me!

Welcome, Mr. Payne.

I'm so pleased you could come.

Well, we-we're honored to be here, Prince Uche.

- We're very honored. - Ye-yeah, Mr. Prince.

We-we honored to have your free grub, straight up.

Man, what are you talking about?

Dinner will be ready shortly.

So, please enjoy the festivities.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness! That was wonderful, ladies.

So, um...what time do you get off?

So, um, you know, I don't got no kids, right?

Oh, baby, this table looks good.

- Oh, sure. It does look good. - Yes, ooh..

Mmm.

- They look good. - Is it?

Yes, baby, I want the recipe to this. This is real good.

- This chicken is the bomb. - Is it?

Whoa! That is not chicken.

Uh, that is goat in a blanket.

Uh, Mr. Payne..

I wonder we might speak alone for a moment before dinner.

Sure. Sure.

Uh, if you will excuse us

my servants would tend to your every need.

Mm-hm.

Oh, oh, baby, this is it.

About to get broke off with the royal palace, Gina.

- Mmm. - Uh!

- Go, baby, go. - Woo!

Um, before we, uh

how you say, "Get our rap on"

uh, let us drink.

Sure. Cool. Cool

Ah. Ooh.

Ah, hold on, Prince Uche.

This ain't got goat in it too, do it?

- Goat? Oh, oh. - Yeah.

Uh, uh.

Mm.

Uh, Mr. Payne..

Ah!

Uh, Mr. Payne

I wish to make you a proposition.

Oh, well, whatever the proposition is, I accept.

'Cause all your propositions in the past have been all that.

Oh. Well, this regards Gina.

What do you mean Gina?

I'm the one who saved your life, Prince.

Prince Uche, it's all about me.

Well, this involves the both of you.

I wish to offer Gina, a position in my kingdom.

What? Wait a minute.

Prince Uche, are you offering my wife Gina a job?

Uh, something like that.

But Gina already has a job, you know.

Uh, I'm willing to pay quite handsomely.

Oh, my! You serious?

Man, that is woo, woo, woo, woo five.

laughing] You know I mean? Um..

What-what, what kind of job is this?

I wish to employ Gina as my concubine.

Concubine?

Ah...that's a pretty high position, huh?

Oh, it is!

She'd be working right under me.

What? Alright, so, you gonna be watching her all the time then?

Okay, okay.

Uh, well, alright, with just kind of money

I'm sure Gina would be damned.

- You know what I mean? - So-so we have an agreement?

- Prince Uche, we're here. - Here.

Uh, Gina, if you will go with these two ladies

they have a special gift for you.

A gift for me?

I-I-I want, I want a gift, too.

You know, you know, baby, a lot of

lot of people don't-don't notice but..

Shaka Zulu is bald-headed.

- Right. Right. - Ha-ha-ha.

- Nanu-banu. - Yeah.

Am I sayin' it right?

What-what did they say, man?

Loosely translated, they said

"Step off before I bust your fronts."

What? Man, they're fine but they ain't all that.

- Uh-huh. - Yeah, I'm afraid they are.

You see, they are Prince Uche's wives.

- Wives? - Hey, come on, Cole.

Hey, hey, Martin, you ain't gonna believe this, man.

but all these women they're Prince Uche's wives.

Man, I-I'm fertile.

Look, does anybody know how to say

"Give me them digits" in Igbo?

Pam, you better back up off now.

Alright? You see, they eat goat.

- Gina? Oh my goodness! - Baby, look what they gave me.

You're beautiful, baby.

Well, well, get used to it, Gina.

It's probably your new work clothes.

- Work clothes? - What're you talking about?

I'm talking about your man

getting you a job working for Prince Uche.

And this how much you gonna be getting paid.

Baby, you are kidding me.

Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa!

Oh, my God!

Damn, Martin, I have not seen this many zeroes since..

...your family reunion!

At least, at our family reunion we don't eat our young.

Okay, don't start. Not in front of my boss!

Not in front of my boss.

Alright. Not in front of my boss.

- All up into pounds. - Listen, listen.

- Martin. - Yeah.

Just talk to me, baby, what kind of job

pays that much money?

Alright, well..

Anyway, I wanted..

Wanted it to be a good job, so..

Anyway, Gina, you're gonna be working for Prince Uche..

...as his...his concubine.

- Concubine? - Concubine?

- Porcupine? - 'Oh, my.'

Gina ain't got no needles.

Get out of the way, man.

- Breathe, just breathe. - Alright, Martin. Hold on, bro.

Do you know what a concubine is?

Not exactly, but I know it pays a grip, Tommy.

Martin, when a man takes a woman as his concubine

she becomes his lover or another wife.

Lord, what's wrong with him?

What's wrong with him, Lord?

Oh, baby, I didn't know!

Now, look, tell a truth, y'all.

Now, don't concubine sound like a good job?

Be-besides, they threw me with the accent.

- Martin, - I didn't--

- You, idiot! - Unbelievable!

If you will.. If you will excuse me.

I'm going to forego dinner this evening

and retire with my new wife.

- Martin! Martin! Martin! - Man, man..

You don't let my wife can go, I'mma beat you like a drum.

- Ha? What's up? What's up, man. - But, I--

But I thought that we were here.

But somebody done told you wrong, man.

You run around here with all those drums, that's nice.

Offer people goat in a blanket, and all that's cool, man.

But ain't no Prince Uche gonna be hitting my wife--

Martin. Martin. Martin. Martin.

Just-just calm, calm down.

No, no, no. Come on, come on. Come on. Relax, relax.

It's okay, alright? I'll handle this.

Um, Prince Uche..

Obviously, there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

Oh, yes? I apologize if I offended you, Mr. Payne.

Oh, that's alright. That's alright.

This has been a big misunderstanding.

There-there's a mistake. Martin, let's go.

- Okay? Let's go, please. - Alright, look, uh..

No-no hard feelings, okay? You pay is cool.

- We gonna roll. - We gonna roll.

Oh, one more thing before you go.

Wait a minute! What's going on here?

Hey, hey.

'Oh, snap!'

Oh.

I'll get the rest of the gifts tomorrow.

Alright, fine, Prince Uche.

I'll make a deal with you.

I give you Pam, if you let me keep the gifts.

Look, she won't make much of a wife

but she'll guard your palace

better than any pitbull I know.

And, that's the bargain.

- I'm giving you a bargain. - He don't mean what he says.

He don't mean that.

- He was just kidding. - I want my Rolex back.

Call me, baby.

You-you want somethin' to drink? Soda or anything?

'Cause you like you like snacks. No disrespect.

I'm rather fond of iguana, but..

If you happen to have any about, that would be quite alright.

Thank you, Mr. Payne.

But if you ever do that again

I will stomp a mudhole in your ass.