Original subtitles

I can't believe he forgot..

Martin!

Martin.

- Baby? - 'Oh, baby.'

'We just finished all that an hour ago.'

'You still hollering my name?'

'Gina baby, was it that good?'

'I say, baby, was it that good?'

Martin, would you just come out here for a minute, please?

Thank you.

Alright, Boo, what's up? What's happening?

What's up, what's up?

There ain't no sun up in here.

What's with the glasses?

It's my day off, girl.

I'm letting my eyes chill.

Oh, no, don't get jealous because

it's Saturday, and you got to work.

You know what I mean?

Don't put the jealous on me. You know?

Martin, I don't even know why you can't go to the car show

next weekend when I'm off?

Oh, Gina, if it was just about the car show, I would do that.

But, baby, I got to stop by the opening of this new restaurant.

It's called "Planet in the Hood."

Oh, Martin, I heard about that.

Yeah, baby, we going to have all the celebrities there.

They say all the celebrities, they're going to be there.

You know, they're coming out to get their photo ops

and all that kind of stuff.

So you're just gonna throw it up in my face, right?

Basically, yeah. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Alright, well, while you have your day off

you might want to get this taken care off, my brother.

What is this? Why are you always throwing something on me, Gina?

What is this?

That is from our insurance company.

They are canceling our policy because you forgot

to renew your driver's license.

So you might want to fit that into your itinerary.

- Itinerary, Gina? - Mm-hmm.

Hey, look, just because you're going to have a bad day

that don't mean you got to come at me with the big words, okay?

Wish Pam would hurry up.

Gina, are you riding Pam to work?

Baby, why don't you just take the car?

As long as our insurance is cancelled, Martin

I'm not driving.

Hey, that's Pam.

I know that paw scratch anywhere.

I-I-I..

I bet you that's Pam.

Hey.

Told that was her. Told you.

Weren't you the one pawing and scratching at the door?

What you so happy for?

Small in a family.

Oh, I know what it is.

You finally learned how to climb up the curb.

- Hey, you, ah, you, ah.. - I, well--

No, no, but are you still sleeping next to one?

Ripley's be-weave it or not?

I can't be-weave it.

I just can't be-weave it.

I can't be-weave it.

I don't have time for this ignorance, you fool.

Come on, Gina. Let's get to work.

Hey, y'all.

- What's up, dawg? - You open the car.

Yeah, you go, you really have some fun.

Oh, no, Martin.

It's bad enough I can't go.

But you're just gonna take Doctor Franken-shine instead?

That's not fair.

Hey, Gina, Gina, now look.

It's either Tommy or do like they do in the motherland.

And take another wife.

Then you must be planning on moving to the motherland

then you just take care of your driver license.

Hey, man, what's she talking about your license?

What happened to your license?

No, that's cool, you know I just got to go

down there, get it renewed, you know.

It ain't going to take us long, we'll be in and out.

No, no, no, there ain't no in and out of the DMV, man.

It's all-day thing. Unless you have an appointment.

Maybe unemployed brothers like you got to wait in the line

Tommy, but not the host of "Word on the Street."

Oh, Marty Mart, please.

I ain't got to wait.

Man, I ain't got to wait.

Still make no damn sense, man.

They must don't know me up in here.

I don't know about that. They know exactly who you are.

Number 626.

Oh, that ain't, that ain't too bad.

What number are they on?

Number seven.

No, no, Tommy.

We ain't waiting in line, man, I keep a can of Minute Maid

in my back pocket.

Now, what the hell is that mean?

It means I got juice. Stick with me.

We're going to the front of the line, Head McMahon.

Excuse me, oh!

Come on, now. Come on, now..

You know me like that, man.

Now, look here, partner.

I ain't trying to set off no riot up in here.

So, ah..

...before anybody recognizes me, I want you to go ahead

and stamp my license, so I can be out.

First of all, who the hell are you?

Man, if you don't know who I am, then you must don't have a TV.

I got a TV, but I ain't never seen you on it.

Now, get to the back of the line.

Alright, alright, let me try this to be a little nice.

Maybe my tone was out of tone.

Sir, I'm just trying to get my license renewed.

- Ha-ha. That all, huh? - Yes!

Fill out this paperwork and step to the back of the line.

Next.

Fill out all this paperwork, man?

Yeah, I can't believe how lucky we are.

Make me all that spot is the best account we ever had.

Yeah, and I cannot believe all we have to do for work today

is try out beauty products?

Oh, yes.

We better hurry up, 'cause they'll be here any minute

to come pamper us.

Yo, Gee, what you wanna done first?

Do you want a body massage?

You want a facial? You want a manicure, pedicure?

Honey, take your pick.

Girl, please, it's all free.

- Let's just get to work. - You know what I'm saying?

Oh, Gina, guess what?

- I got the perfect slogan. - Already? Good.

You come in whack, and we'll make you all Olay.

- Olay! - Olay, it's gotta rhyme.

Olay!

- Our work is done. - That's what I'm saying.

Oh, man, Tommy.

I'm going to ask you some stupid questions.

Height? They want to know about height for what, man?

You know, as long as your feet could touch

the pedal that's all that matters.

Hey, look there, you missed the question here.

Have you ever had any accidents?

Ah, yeah, yeah, today.

Accidentally brought my ass to the DMV.

- Oh, no, mark it. - Alright, let's go, man.

Let's get out of here and get your license.

Oh, whoa!

Excuse me, my brother. Excuse me.

You want to watch where the hell you going, Wesley?

Well, my brother, I said excuse me.

You better head for the money train.

You know, that brother ran out of here like he stole somethin'.

Next in line.

Ah, excuse me.

- Oh! - Hey, hey, hey!

It's alright, hey, it's alright.

It's alright.

Hey, hey, alright, alright, let go.

Move now.

Nobody go get in front of me.

Respect your elders.

Well, lady..

Well, lady, you ain't gotta be bum rushing me

like-like you ain't got no whole training.

I mean, you have been through this before.

I recognize you. Come on, lady.

If I wanted to hurt you, you wouldn't be standing up.

You'd be getting a..

Come on, lady.

Come on, hey, hey, come on.

Come on, lady, stop it.

Quit hurting here, ma'am. Let me ask you something.

Don't you think you're little up in age to be driving?

- Oh! - Well, maybe.

But I ain't too old to hit the whole world..

Fight, fight back, Tommy.

That lady slapped me.

Here's my tax.

I'm next, there you go.

- Okay. - Well..

Old lady!

Alright, yeah. Okay.

She started that fight.

Alright.

Okay.

- Here we go, oh. - Yeah.

Well, everything seems to be in order.

Yeah.

Now, may I see your expired license please?

Okay, my license.

Ah!

Oh, damn.

My wallet's gone.

Oh, the one who beat me on the ground

stole my wallet.

So you're saying you don't have a license?

No, now, now. Look, I got a license.

I'm just saying somebody stole my wallet.

Oh, sounds like you got a real problem.

Ha-ha. This paperwork that you filled out

is for people who have a a license.

And since you don't have one..

What the hell?

This is the paperwork for people

who lost their license, like yourself.

Oh, man, oh, man, listen.

It's like the-the-the, like the damn Yellow Pages man.

With all the coloring in here, man.

Wha-what am I supposed to do

You're going have to start all over again.

You got to start from scratch.

And where the hell is scratch?

That's where the scratch is, huh?

What's up, man?

Alright, this is the written exam.

You cannot miss more than four answers

or you will have to take the test again next month.

Anyone cheating will be failed.

Any questions?

Ah, yeah, yeah, can my boy Tommy kick it over here with me?

Is Tommy the one getting the license?

No, no, no, sir, I-I'm not. I already have a license.

Well, then, get your fake Issac Hayes

looking behind out of my test area.

No, I'm just going to stick with--

- Scoot, Baldy! - Okay, I'll be right over..

Now..

...the rest of you can begin.

Damn.

These questions are hard.

Yeah.

Do you mind?

Yeah, mind.

I can't see your damn answers, man.

You know, when you cheat

you are only hurting yourself.

Yeah? I'mma hurt you if you don't let me see your test.

Alright? Let me see your test.

Give me the test. Alright?

Test for.. Got that answer, that answer. That ans..

Hey, hey, what's happening, officer?

You know, lovely day at the DMV, it is.

Lovely day at the DMV.

Cars arriving at the intersection..

...at the same time.

Who has the right away?

Shoot, that's easy. Whichever car I'm driving.

No talking.

Damn.

How-how am I supposed to know what to do

when you come to a railroad crossing?

What's up, Allman Brown?

Won't you let me help you with your little test?

Wha-wha-what did you say, man?

- What-what? - Now, you heard me, Allman.

I don't even know why you tripping

with you little almondy self.

You're so almondy, look at you.

I'mma start calling you Allman Joy.

Shoot. Let me tell you something.

I wrote a song about you.

I'm gonna break it down for you.

Hey, hey, hey, look, look, okay?

Hey, look.

First of all, my name ain't no damn Allman.

Okay, alright?

Alright?

Now take your tall, fake, RuPaul looking ass..

No, you know what? Never mind.

Ne-never mind, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

Gone then. But I like them tough.

You is a small piece of lever.

But you so well put together.

Call me, Allman.

One minute left.

Oh.

Everybody, there go Michael Jackson.

Yeah, Yeah.

Oh, dang, y'all missed him.

He had Tito and Janet Jackson with him

he had his sister hanging out.

Man, he was doing all his old stuff.

"Beat it, Billy Jean," he was all of that.

He even moon walked on 'em.

Y'all should've seen him.

Time's up, pencils down.

Mm-hmm, don't bother checking them.

- They're all correct. - Mm-hmm.

No, sir, you are incorrect.

They're all wrong.

All wrong?

What? That's impossible.

- I'm never wrong. - Hey.

That's what you get for cheating off my test.

Point Dexter.

But I didn't cheat.

Hey, look, look, get out of here and start from scratch.

Where's from scratch?

Start crying like old punk.

Done start weeping and wimping.

Hear that, you should have studied for the test.

I did study.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

Hmm.

Looks like you got them all right there, Mr. Payne.

Well, thank you, thank you.

So, you say why don't you go on and

just give me my license, and I'll be at it?

No, no, no, hold it, hold it.

According to this, you're supposed

to wear corrective lenses.

You're not wearing them.

No lenses, no license.

- Well, you see the same-- - What?

I mean, I mean, this is my-my test, but--

- But, see, I don't wear-- - You what?

Oh, damn, man.

You mean, now I got to get glasses, man?

Oh.

'Alright, Mr. Payne.'

Read the first three lines.

Okay, I-I'll read them.

But you got to show me where the chart is.

Over here.

Over here. Hurry up, will you? Weez is waiting for me.

What do you people think this is? A house party?

Well, the lady sounds so beautiful. Don't you agree?

Man, you're just itching to go back to scratch.

'Alright, alright, man.'

- 'Alright, dang.' - Alright, here.

- 'Okay.' - Now let's read this chart.

Man, that's the "Unity," man.

That was written by Queen Latifah.

Very good, Mr. Payne.

You got 'em alright and you didn't use your glasses.

Now what you have to do is have your picture taken.

Oh, okay, I got a couple of pictures.

I, uh.. Well, I need one for Gina and one for my mom.

Unh-unh-unh-unh..

You got to get at the end of the photo line.

Wait a minute, man.

Photo line and no line.

I ain't getting back in line.

You will be taking my picture.

Oh, ha-ha, maybe you don't understand me.

Do I have to use sign language, huh? Huh?

Oh, no, I understand sign language perfectly well.

You follow me?

You follow the way I'm going with mine?

Huh, huh? You understand this?

Yeah, I understand that.

- I understand that, yeah. - Yeah, you understand that--

Security!

Are you going to call security? Your boys? Or what's up?

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, no, no.

Gina, what the hell is going on up in here?

I thought you and Pam was supposed to be at work, Gina.

We are working, baby.

Y-you call this work when you lying up here, half butt naked?

Look, look, bro, use some help.

You missed a spot, right here.

Get off me, Tommy.

No, no, I'm just helping on a spot, right--

Get off me.

Martin, Martin, baby.

Our clients wanted us to try out their beauty products

before we started working on their campaign.

- A little to the left. - Your client--

Yeah, you know, Martin, they do makeovers too.

Maybe they can make you over into an adult.

Well, you know, I ain't in no rush.

If you don't think I'm adult, I ain't in no rush.

Well, let me tell you a little something about your makeover.

Whoever did it, they failed

because you still look like the he-ha horse.

Get off me, Martin.

Martin.

How was your day, baby?

Oh, please, y'all don't want to know about our day.

You know what? We spent all day--

Hey, hey, man.

We spent all day at the car show.

Remember the cars are spending and we are..

- Vroom, vroom. - Yeah.

Yeah, then we stopped at the new restaurant

I had told you about. Wha-what--

- A Planet-- - A Planet in the Hood.

We stop down there.

Baby, lot of celebrities there.

We had, ah, Snoop was there, Mary J. Blige.

Even the Fugees were there. That surprised me.

A lot of people were surprised to see them come through.

Yeah, it was a bomb. I mean, straight up, it was nice.

It was the bomb. Ain't that right, Tommy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a bomb. Kaboom!

You know, it blew up, you know?

Good, I'm glad you had fun with Tommy.

So, tomorrow, you can spend all day with me.

I have it all planned, baby.

We can go to brunch, and then to the museum

to this play I heard about.

Yeah, baby, that all sounds good.

Okay, but first, I-I got to have some business.

I got to stop by courthouse and handle this little..

...this little sour thing.

Yeah, I have got a little altercation today

and, ah...but-but I'm going to be in and out.

I ain't gonna be in there long, ain't that right time, Tommy?

No, no, it's just a little sour thing.

Tommy, it's just a little sour thing, man.

I'm just gonna be in and out.

'Yeah, damn that.'

No, they, no.. 'Cause they-they listen too.

You know, you know, we got to stop thinking

that we don't listen to each other's music, 'cause we do.

- You listen to-- - Right, right..

Okay, I don't know my lines. But let's go.

- No, I play with it. - 'Okay, here we come.'