Original subtitles

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yes, yes.

- Ha-ha. - O-o-o. Alright.

That's the game, dawg. Gotta go to work.

- Hey, Tom. - Hey, Gina, how you doing?

- Hey, baby. - Hi.

What's up? Mwah!

Guess where he's going?

He ain't got no job.

- Bye. - Alright, baby.

I didn't mean to upset you, baby.

Sure, he can't upset me

'cause, baby, I got some good news.

Alright, what's the good news, baby?

Martin, me and Pam got the Johnson account.

Yes, we did, boy, for our firm, yes, we did.

Go ahead, boo.

And my boss is so happy

he's letting us use his cabin

in the Chippawa Woods.

The Chippawa Woods?

Oh yeah, the Chippawa Woods

and hey, baby

an old Indian legend says that if you kiss

under the Chippawa waterfall

you're gonna stay in love forever.

Whe-whe-whe-when we gonna go?

This weekend, baby. We could go canoeing.

We could go hiking.

A-a-a-a-ahh, Gina, damn!

Got to stop you right there, baby.

Uh, Gina, the Piston's are a game away from the playoffs.

And they need me right now. I gotta watch them, Gina.

I can't sell out on them, not now.

Martin, there is a TV in the cabin

so don't even try it, you going.

Oh, then I could watch it there.

- Then that's cool. - That's right.

Since Pam is gonna be there, why don't you invite Tommy?

Yeah, that's right, Tommy could come

you know, because then he could watch the game with me.

And I'll be glad that Pam would be there too.

You'll be glad that Pam is there?

Baby, we're going to be in the woods?

We might need somebody that can talk "Bear."

I'll get it.

Hello.

- How do you do? - Hey.

I'm ranger, Rick.

So, are y'all ready to take your guided tour

of the Chippawa Indian trail?

Uh, no, weren't scheduled till 4 o'clock.

Ooh! Golly!

Looks like someone's made a boo-boo.

Well, it's the last tour of the day

so, I'm afraid, it's now or never.

- Aw.. - I say-I say we go now.

Okay, I'm ready now, but we gonna have

a hard time pulling Martin

away from the basketball game.

Unh-unh, don't you worry about that

'cause mama is gonna handle this.

- Oh-ho.. - Y'all wait outside.

I get it, you and you're hubby are about

to do the freaky-deaky, huh?

Well, I'll, uh.. We'll be right outside.

- Yeah, please. - What the hell does he mean?

- I don't know. - Freaky-deaky?

Honey..

Gina, what are you doing?

We need to go right now, Martin.

We gotta go on the tour, it's the last one.

Gina, if you think I'm missing this game

somebody done told you wrong.

Well, if this game is more important than me

then fine, Martin, watch your little stinking game.

I don't even care.

Oh.

I'm glad you understand, boo.

Nobody like my baby, you know that.

Say what?

- Step to the side.. - I thought you..

Oh, no, you must be out your mind. Unh-unh.

Alright, Gina. Fine, okay.

- I'm coming, okay. - Thank you.

Because I love you more than anything in the world.

Now, that's better.

That's my sweet baby that I know so well.

- You don't have to be all.. - Yeah, yeah.

What is that?

A portable TV.

I mean, I love you, Gina, but I'll be damned

if I'm gonna miss this game.

Give me this, show me the..

I can't believe you, Martin.

'Top of the key, shoots! Score!'

O-o-o-oh-ho.

And this is where the Chippewa Indians

defeated the Cleveland Indians

six to five in our next training game.

That's a, it's a little ranger humor.

Any questions?

Oh! hell no.

Was there a problem, Mr. Payne?

Oh, they just called a foul

on Grant Hill, man.

If you're gonna watch the game

would you at least keep it quiet

so the rest of us can hear him.

Baby, you ain't got to be comin' at me like that.

Now, if you could just look through these trees over here

you could see the main Chippawa camp ground.

Oh, move-move. I want to see, let me see.

Pam, would you move out the way.

You're messing up my picture now.

Oh, please, Martin, you should get

good reception with some satellite dishes you got.

- Oh, Pam. - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - Are you okay?

Ow! Ouch!

I think I sprained my ankle.

Damn your ankle. You smashed my TV.

Aaaa.. Aah! Haaa!

- Okay, just take it easy, Pam. - Wait.

- Alright, let me look at that.. - Don't touch it.

I don't think it's broken, Pam.

Damn, if it ain't broken, Gina. Look at it.

The antenna go this way, this is all..

Martin! Martin?

We are going to need to ice this right away.

Okay, look, you guys go on with the hike, okay?

I'm gonna-I'm gonna carry Pam back to the cabin.

- Okay. - Oh, damn that, Tommy.

Look, I'll take her back, man.

Oh, don't even try, Martin.

You just want to take her back so you can watch

that stupid basketball game.

Oh, Gina, how can you say that?

I care about Pam more than anything in this world

and you know that.

When Pam hurts, I hurt.

Now, let's get back to the cabin.

Halle Scary!

Look, look Tommy, I don't want to mess up your trip.

- I'll just go with him. - Okay.

Let's go, Pam.

- Ouch. - Hold on.

Martin, what about the waterfall?

Alright, Gina, I'll tell you what

once I get back to the cabin

we have all the waterfalls you want.

We'll take a shower together, okay?

So, you don't want to kiss me at the waterfalls, Martin?

Okay, look, just let me get Pam back to the cabin.

And I'll drive back to the waterfall.

- It's okay? - Okay.

- Alright. - Alright.

C'mon, c'mon, let's roll, Bugsy boy.

- Oooh, Pam? - What?

Is that your breath?

Is there a dead deer around here?

Just come along. Hold me, just hold me up.

Let Ranger Rick show you a little short.

Okay, what'd you say, Rick.

Okay, now you just go down trial..

- You hurted me. - Ow.

- What? - Branch got me in the ass.

- Martin, please. - Stuck me.

Martin, slow down, alright?

I've twisted my ankle, remember?

There you go, Pam. Always thinking of yourself.

Hey look, Pam. C'mon.

I got to get back to see the Piston's game.

Forget the Piston's.

I need time to rest, Martin.

You know what, the ranger is whack.

He gonna tells us we'd be back in 10 minutes.

We've been walking over an hour, Pam.

It is true.

What happened to that stupid creek

he said will cross?

I don't know why you're asking me.

I thought you camels could sniff your way to water.

Shut up, Martin, now.

C'mon, this is serious.

We now passed this rock three times.

I think we're lost.

I'm in a land of the lost.

You are.

And I'm stuck with a damn dinosaurus.

Can't believe this.

How the hell we get stuck in the woods, Pam?

How dare you ask that question?

I told you, I said "Make a left at the bridge."

No, your fickle behind just had to make the right.

Everybody don't know the woods like you

Grizzly Adams!

That's gonna be enough for your small talk, little man.

Let's just worry about, how we gonna get back?

Why? Why?

In a way, shit I'd have missed the whole damn game anyway.

Oh, yes there is a way because I'm out of here.

Uh, ouch-ouch ouch. Ouch!

I hurt my leg.

I can't walk anymore, Martin.

The only way I'm gonna get out of here..

...is if you carry me.

Well, good luck.

E-enjoy the scenery.

Because I ain't carrying Jack.

Martin, get back here.

You just can't leave me here alone.

Why not, Pam?

You're in the woods.

You're among friends and cousins.

What the hell?

Is it like that?

Just because I left you

you gonna call your cousins on me?

Oh, no. Help.

Mm-hmm. Alright.

Thank you, Ranger Ron.

Okay, what's happening?

Well, they're not at the first-aid station.

So, what does that mean?

Well, it can mean one of two things.

They've been eaten by bears

or they've been eaten by wolves.

Well, that's just a little more of our ranger humor.

Look here, Jolly ranger.

We don't need anymore of your humor, okay.

It is getting dark out there.

We've got to do something, man, now.

Okey-dokey.

We can send out a search party and then

we'll find them in the morning.

Hey, that's my husband

and my best friend

you're talking about here.

No-no, we're going out there now.

Alrighty

but first we've to take the ranger out.

If you don't take your fake smokey to bad corny joke

telling ass out there to find my peeps

you're going to need a search party.

- That's the yolk. - Oh, that's the yolk.

- That's the damn yolk. - Here we go. Alright.

Damn! I can't believe this.

We've been out here all this time

and they ain't send no search party for us or nothing.

Yeah, it's cold and I'm hungry.

Oh, c'mon, Pam.

You mean to tell me you ain't got no

Scooby snacks, no snausages, nothing?

Stop talking about food

you're making me hungry.

I sure could go for a hotdog

with mustard right about now.

Damn! I'm so hungry

I can eat a horse.

Oh, man.

This is the absolute worse.

I'm stuck in the woods

with a evil troll.

Stop the crying. Could you cut down the crying out, girl?

I said cut that crying out, Pam.

Now, we got to men about this.

Shut up. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I just thought about something.

- What-what? - Give my knapsack.

I think, I put a candy bar in it this morning.

- You got some.. - And then we could split it..

- And I'll share it with you. - Girl, it's in your bag?

- Yeah, look at it, look. - You say has a candy bar.

- 'On the outside pocket.' - Side pocket.

- It is somewhere in there.. - Okay, side pocket, it is.

Did you find it yet?

Martin, did-did-did, did you find it yet?

No, ain't no candy over here.

Martin?

- I didn't eat nothing. - Oh, forget it.

It's too cold to eat out here anyway.

What's the matter?

You didn't shed your winter fur yet?

Why don't you try rubbing those sticks

you call "Legs" together and maybe we can start a fire.

You know what, Pam, you're gonna stop talking with me like that.

No, I won't stop talking..

We are out here in the woods..

And what is this I did turned my stomach..

Maybe, um, we should get closer together

so we can-we can keep warm.

What?

Ain't that much cold in the world..

...had me snuggling up with you.

I rather freeze to death. Please.

Well, fine.

That's exactly what you're going to do

because I'm the one with the coat.

- Ohh.. - Yeah, I thought so.

C'mon in, brother. Come on in.

Oh, damn!

Now nobody want to touch you.

Just bring the coat around a little more.

Alright!

T-this ain't working, Pam.

- I'm still freezing. - Alright, alright.

What?

- Well, here's another idea. - What?

Maybe we should put our

put our arms around each other.

May-maybe you're right. We're the only ones out here.

Alright, but don't.. Watch the way you touch me.

- Okay. - Watch the way..

Please, I'm trying to watch where I touch you.

Okay. Uh!

- You know what, Pam. - What?

- This is working. - Yeah.

Your-your-your winter fur

is keeping us warm, girl.

Shut up, Martin.

Wait a minute, I just remembered something.

- Pass me my knapsack. - What?

- Pass me the knapsack. - You got somethin'.. What?

- Gimme. - What-what-what?

Check it out. Check it out.

Girl, what you doing with a bottle of wine?

Shoot! I came up here to get my party on.

Well, uh, crack that thing open, girl?

- Exactly will. - You know what I mean.

Let me get a swig at that so I can keep warm.

- Let me get my swig on. - Alright.

Alright.

Damn!

- Goddamn! - Whoo!

Get off my..

I was trying to help you get it out.

Hey, you know what?

The landlord just turned the heat on.

- Okay, it's a bomb, huh? - Yeah.

- Let me get a swig. - Get a swig, get a swig.

Say your prayers first.

Aaaa! Aaaaah!

That's good! Fast, fa-a-st.

- It feels good. - Oh!

Girl, now they got to hurry up, come, get us now.

Well, you know what?

Maybe if you say, "Ha-ho"

the other six dwarfs will come and rescue us.

Real funny, Snowfright.

Why is it that every time we go away

something bad happens?

Shoot! Remember the time we, we all got stuck on that island?

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

And that little rat..

...possum, puppy thing.

- I remember that. - Attacked us.

Yeah, we-we beat his butts.

Yeah, we toy above, we toy above.

- Guess what? - What?

- I think that rat.. - Mm-hmm.

- Puppy.. - Ah-aha.

Possum thing is back, Pam.

What you talking about?

- Look to your right. - Oh, no.

- Oh-oh-oh. - Oh, no.

Now, I go to the one.

Now, I go to the two.

I go to the three.

Beat his behind!

Beat it!

Beat it!

Martin, I really appreciate you

for saving me from that..

...whatever the heck it was.

I'm still freezing.

I still maybe cold.

But I ain't hungry, no damn! I tell you that.

Hey, I don't even know what it was.

Me neither.

But it was good than a mug, I tell you that.

And had no seasoned salt on it or nothing.

Nothin'.

- You know what, Martin. - Yeah.

Since, there's a chance that

we might not make it out of here

I just want to say that, uh..

I don't really hate you.

Oh, Pam..

Oh, girl, it's a nice thing for you to say.

I know, I am nice sometimes.

But I don't hate you either.

- Oh. - You know.

That's so sweet, Martin.

Huh, no doubt, no doubt.

Just as long as nobody can hear us.

You know how I-I always talk about you being short.

Yeah.

I realized there's

a lot other brothers shorter than you.

I mean, they all-they all in the circus.

And when I-when I call you, uh

uh, a bow-legged buck tooth horse.

Yeah, I know that one.

Girl, you ain't that bow legged.

Oh, Martin, that's so sweet.

- That's real. - That's real.

You know what I'm saying?

You know-you know how I talk about your ears being so big?

Even though they are big in circuses.

Ohhh.

- But check it out, bruh. - What?

They really do fit your peanut head.

- That's cool, that's cool. - They fit.

I was born that way. I was..

There you go, you can't help it.

You-you know-you know when I-when I say that

uh, your breath smell like old bus seats..

I remember that one.

Now-now-now don't get me wrong.

- Uh-huh. - It's bad.

Okay.

But it ain't that bad.

You know, you got a little older every now and then though.

- Martin, I'm really touched. - Yeah.

Because that is the nicest thing you ever said to me.

You deserve it, girl.

Oh, man.

I got something else to say to you too, Pam.

What?

I'm glad Gina got you as a best friend.

Aw, Martin.

The truth is..

...I wish I had somebody to take care of me

the way you take care of Gina.

- Straight up? - That's straight up.. Ho!

No doubt.

Oh, don't cry.

Don't cry.

I'm sayin' now Martin, hold up.

Oh, breathe, breathe..

You know I just get, I just get little misty, Pam

that's all, that's one of the nicest things

you ever said to me, Pam.

You argue with me all the time in my house..

Don't cry.

Hey, look..

- Gimme love. - C'mon.

- Oh! - Aah!

Look at this, Tommy.

Oh, my God.

I wish I had a camera for this moment.

Martin, baby.

- Hey, get off-get off. - Hey, get off-get off.

Bring it on. Bring it over me.

Bring it over!

- Oh, baby. - Oh, baby.

Jeez, I thought you two would be frozen solid by now.

You okay? Huh, you okay?

- I'm alright. - Yeah-yeah.

Yeah, we are, we just

just a little cold, Tommy, that's all.

- Oh, my boy. - Huh.

I knew this moment will come.

I knew you guys will take care of each other

my husband and my best friend

hugging like they love each other.

Nah-nuh baby, we weren't hugging.

She was trying to put me in a hand lock, Gina.

Please man, I was trying to get your ass to flap

so you could fly us out of here.

Oh, we better get you some medical attention

right away, okay?

- Please. - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

It's dark out, man.

Ain't the vet closed?

Shut up.

- Tommy! Tommy! - Yeah, yeah.

Okay, uh..

- Be honest with me, man. - Alright.

Who won the game?

I don't know, man.

When we left, they went triple overtime.

- Here we go, Pam. - I can't believe this.

I'm missing the best game

in basketball history, baby.

I know, I know, Martin.

Alright, look. Let's just go back to the cabin.

I'll make it up to you, okay?

Wha-what TLC say?

Don't be chasing waterfalls, Gina.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Look, Martin. Let's just go home, okay?

Ew!

Baby, wha-wha-what's going on?

Have, have you been drinking?

Well, I had a taste or two.

But you would too, Gina.

If you were stuck in a real life horror movie

with "Silence of the Pam."

- Just come on. - What would you do?

- Girl, you-you.. - Hey, don't-don't leave us.

- Aah! - Don't go ahead.

Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!