Original subtitles

- Oh. No! - That's game.

Four in a row. Four in a row. Oh, ho.

Gina, I thought you had the Big Joe card.

Pam, if you were paying attention to the board

you would've seen I didn't had a Big Joe card.

Oh, whatever. I could've played this game by myself.

I need somebody that's gonna be with me.

- Ladies, come on now. - I need a real partner.

Ladies. Get it together, girls.

- Get out of my ear. - Okay?

You'll have all this weekend to get your respect back.

Shut up, Tommy.

I don't know about this weekend, Tommy.

I'mma be a little busy.

You see, Saturday is a very important day

for a man named...Martin.

What?

Now, that brother is large, okay?

Martin Luther King got two birthdays.

Not Martin Luther King, man. Martin Loser Payne.

Tomorrow is Martin's birthday.

Oh, Martin, man, I forgot all about your birthday.

So, what you gonna get into there, dawg?

Well, I have something very special planned

just me and Martin, a nice quiet candlelight dinner at home.

'Ah, damn that, baby.'

We can do that on your birthday, Gina.

This is Marty Mar's birthday. We going all out.

Okay, okay. Well, what do you have planned, baby?

I was thinking, y'all can hook a brother up

with a surprise party.

But, look, don't tell me about it

'cause then, it won't be a surprise.

Surprise party? Man, please.

You better go to McDonald's Playland and call it a day.

Be here with Jones.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't even talking to you, Mariah Scary.

You know what? Stop with all of your hating..

Baby, okay, look, about this party

though you should've told me earlier, honey.

It's really hard to plan a surprise party

on such a short notice.

Short. Notice.

That's the only notice that Martin can give.

Yeah.

Short. Did you get it? That was funny.

You-you a wild girl. You a wild girl.

Well, I tell you what, you could come too, Pam.

And why don't you invite Noah

and some of your four-legged friends from the Ark?

'The sodas. What am I forgetting?'

Coming.

- Hey, y'all. - Gina, we here.

- What's the emergency? - Word.

I mean, this better be important.

Me and mom's was just about to watch

her bootleg copy of "Toy Story."

There's no emergency, guys.

I just wanted to let you know

I'm throwing the surprise birthday party

for Martin on Saturday night.

Ah, Saturday night, Gina?

Look, I'm not, I'm not gonna be able to make it, Gina.

I'm suppose to play Bingo over at Nipsey's.

Yeah. Yeah, I'mma be busy too. Mm-hmm.

I don't know what it is, but, you know

you know, somethin' will come up.

Quit playing, y'all. Stop.

Look, um, Tommy, I want you to pick up two shrimp platters.

Cole, you get the cake.

And I will get the hot wings, okay? Mm?

I don't think you heard me.

- Um, we are not gonna make it. - Yeah.

Hey, hey, look, Gina, no offense to you, right.

But, uh, we just ain't tryin' to be down with Martin no more.

Wait. Wait. Well, hold on, y'all.

You guys are his best friends.

I'm tryin' to throw this party for him

and you're tryin' to tell me that you're not down?

- Yo-you wanna tell her? - She not comprehending.

- I know the head is big, right. - I know.

- I know it's big. - What?

Sit-sit down. Sit down. Sit down.

- What is going on? - Okay, Gina, we..

We been, we been talking about this for a while now, okay?

Martin is always insulting us.

Word. You know, he-he..

He always messing with me, man.

You know, he always fighting Tommy.

- We tired of it. - It's alright.

- No, no. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Martin is not like that. You all bugging.

Think about it.

I need you to clean off the table.

Now, please keep your head-net on.

I don't want no head chips in the food.

How you gonna play me, Head Sanford? Come on.

The brother with the Christmas ornament head is my boy, Tommy.

'Now give it up for Tommy.'

That's very funny, Heady Murphy.

Hold on, Mantel.

Don't, don't-don't come up in here bum-rushing my lady.

That goes for you and horse you rode in on.

What meeting you talking about, partner?

The meeting between my foot and your ass.

Wait.

So, which you wanna do first?

Ah, sit or wait?

Alright. Alright. Alright.

It's okay. It's okay. That's cool. I'm cool.

- Let them spoon. - Okay.

Okay, Martin, come on.

It's alright. It's alright.

Oh, come on.

You guys are overreacting.

Ma-Ma-Martin, that's just way he is.

Yeah, well, it still ain't right.

That's right, Gina.

And we ain't having it. No more.

- I don't believe this. I-- - Hey.

- Hey. - Wassup, boo?

- Wassup, Tommy? - Hey. Hey.

- Cole. - Hey. Hey.

I'm surprised to see you y'all here.

Oh, look, look, y'all go right ahead

with your planning, alright?

I'll be in the bedroom.

'Cause I ain't heard nothing.

- It's alright. - Don't you..

Do us a favor. Tell him happy birthday.

'Cause we ain't gonna make it.

Yeah, and, you know, let us know how the party turns out.

Jus-just go, okay? Just please, just go.

We don't need you, okay? Martin has plenty of friends.

Smart ones, with hair!

Now beat it!

Fake ass, dumb and dumber.

That's alright. That's alright.

I'm going down to the barber shop

and inviting Martin's real friends.

Hey, Martin, baby, I gotta make a run, okay?

'Oh, yeah, yeah. Go-go ahead, baby.'

'And look, just so you know, I'm allergic to coconut cake.'

Hey, look who's here again? Martin Payne's wife Gina.

- Hi, guys. - Hey.

Did you say Martin? Don't go there.

'Cause saying that name up in here will get you clipped.

Y'all crazy.

Look, um, I-I-I know it's the last minute and everything

but I wanted to invite all of you guys down

to Martin's surprise party that I'm throwing for him

tomorrow night.

- Surprise party? Please. - 'Yeah.'

Now, we still waiting on an invite to y'all's wedding.

What? Wait, wait. Whoa.

First, Tommy and Cole, now y'all?

To be honest about it, Gina

everybody in here knows Martin's rude.

And he don't tip.

He's always throwing somebody out.

And he don't tip.

And he don't tip.

Now, frankly, Gina, everybody's had it up to here

with your Martin Payne-in-the-ass.

- Ah! - Ah, think about it.

- Now, don't you feel tough? - Yeah.

- Don't you feel strong? - Yeah.

Don't you feel like going home?

- Sure. - Yeah.

Then get the hell out of my apartment

and take the exit.

Now, Rev, usually when I throw a man out of my house

I tell him, get to steppin'.

But you're Rev, I don't, I don't disrespect y'all.

So, please, let me say a prayer. Alright.

Please help the Rev to get home safe.

And do not let the doorknob hit him..

Amen.

I need everybody on this side of the apartment

to move to the outside of the apartment.

You ain't got to go home but you got to get the hell outta here.

- Peace. - That was tacky.

Well, get out of my ignorant house, y'all.

Go on out of here. Get to walkin'.

On behalf of Marty Mart's

Meat loaf and Waffle, get out!

Keep both out of my house. Get out!

Out.

Haul your asses out the car.

Yeah. You know, I ain't.. Roll out.

Why does this stinky car smell like feet anyway?

That's who I am, I throw people out!

Besides, Gina, we all busy.

I'm so sorry. We can't make it.

Mr. Jim, he's been coming here since he was kid now.

Yeah, and he's been rude since he's a kid too.

And like I said before

he don't tip.

Well, fine. Fine.

Martin and I will just have a small little party by ourselves.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Well, thanks. Thanks a lot.

Well, you don't know him like I do.

Pam, I can't find anybody to come to Martin's party.

Yeah. This is really gonna break his little heart.

You know what, Pam, I never thought I'd be saying this

but other than me, you're Martin's only friend.

Not exactly.

'Cause, see, I won't be at the party either.

What? What are you talking about?

Oh, okay. Okay. Sure, Pam. Sure.

He dogs you a little, but it's not that bad.

He's both. He's little and he is bad.

Gina, think about it.

Is that your breath?

Smelling like boiled baloney.

Oh, Pam, I-I got a problem with your-your breath

smelling like a train smoke.

Girl, your hair is so nappy, Wilson couldn't pick it.

There's just me, you, Tommy and Marmaduke.

And he's so nice to that Pam.

Martin told me on the way over that she was raised by wolves.

Well, I hope they do weaves in the joint

'cause that's were you're going.

A-weave-a-derci!

Oh, yes.

Pam. Pam. Oh, Pamela.

Pam! Pam!

Wait. Hold on.

Oh, stop it. Stop it.

Pam. Pam. Bring it down. Bring it down.

Bring it down, girl. Bring it down.

Help me bring it down.

- You know what, Gina? - What?

I'mma be real with you.

Martin has no friends! Cancel that party!

You might as well take him down to Nipsey's to play Bingo.

I'm out!

Well, forget you, girl.

That's alright. 'Cause Martin don't need y'all.

He's got plenty of other friends!

My baby ain't got no friends.

Oh.

Alright. Remember, act surprised.

But be cool at the same time.

What a surpri..

Surprise!

Alright, Gina, the joke's over.

- Where's the party at, Gina? - This is the party, baby.

This is the party. It's-it's just you and me.

An intimate party for two, honey.

Oh, come on, baby, I know people are up in here somewhere, Gina.

Stop playing games now. Where they at?

- Where are the people, Gina? - Martin, alright.

Alright. Martin, look.

I invited some of your so-called friends down here for the party.

And everybody said that they were too busy to come.

- Too busy, Gina? - Baby.

Baby.

- Baby, are you okay? - Well, who, me?

Nah. Nah. I'm cool. I-I ain't upset.

I-I didn't want no party anyway.

We can have our own party right here, baby.

That's right, Gina, you know what

you're right, baby.

At least we got each other.

That's the spirit.

- That's my baby. - Yeah.

Let's get this party started. Right, Martin.

Damn this, Gina, okay? I can't front.

How come nobody came to my surprise party

not even Tommy and Cole?

And they're supposed to be my boys, Gina.

Baby. Look, Martin.

Tommy and Cole had said that you were buggin'.

And they said that they weren't down for you anymore.

W-w-what about everybody else?

Everybody else?

Um, they everybody else is down at Nipsey's

playing Bingo.

Ain't this a bitch!

I know. I know.

So you're telling me people don't like me no more?

What about all the good things I do for people, Gina?

What good things?

You're tryin' to be funny, ain't you, Gina?

I'm always doing good things for people, Gina.

- Think about it. - Okay.

I can't believe you would even buy me some sleazy..

- A stool. Oh, Martin. - Yeah. Yeah.

Now you all over me, huh? Huh?

Yeah, say I'm the man.

- You the man. You the man. - I'm the man.

- You the man, baby. - That's right.

Alright, here.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Clear.

Do-do it again. Do it again, man.

Santa, do you know every boy and girl's name?

- I sure do. - Then, what's my name?

Hold on.

You are waterhead. Now shut up.

- I need some, I-I-I-- - Yeah, ice for your mouth?

- I-- - The mouth? Okay.

- My mouth's dry. - The mouth is dry? Okay. Fine.

Martin!

Aah! It's coming! It's coming!

Great, Martin. Ah, give me love.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

It's a better sight, I ain't kick

your head off in there, man.

"Sam I am.

"I do like green eggs

and ham."

Look at 'em, baby. They asleep.

Looking like a fake ass, J.J. and Michael.

Baby, this is from the heart.

Gina...will you marry me?

Yes, Martin. Yes.

You know what, Martin? You right.

Your friends don't appreciate you.

Baby...are you thinking what I'm thinking?

You damn right.

Let's go on down to Nipsey's and play a little Bingo.

- Yeah, well, let's do that. - Yeah.

They gonna messing with my baby.

Yeah, they wanna mess around, do they?

- They wanna mess around. - Oh, they never.

Walk, walk, boy. You better walk it.

That's right, Gina.

Remember, they might not have a surprise party for me.

But I got a surprise for all them, Gina.

- It's payback time. - I'm with you, baby.

- Listen up. - Surprise!

- Oh, damn. - Yeah, that's right, Martin.

Man, we knew how badly you wanted a surprise party.

We've been working on this thing for, what, six months now.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, we planned it

right after your last birthday.

Stop that, boy, You know what for a little man

you talk a lot of trash.

But your heart is in the right place, man.

Happy birthday, small Newman.

That's not all, dawg. No, that's not all.

You see, between all your friends the word on the street

and all of my connections from my the job. Come on, man.

See, we have some people, who couldn't be here tonight.

Well, they had some special things

they wanted to say to you, Marty Mart.

Go here. Nipsey, hit it, man.

Hey, Martin, don't be mad at me

for sneakin' in your house. I know you ain't here.

But I got a good reason. I know it's your birthday.

I wanted to bring you a little somethin' somethin'.

But I don't wanna be here when you got here.

Because it's something really special.

So I want you to open it up

and then call me and tell me what you think of it, okay?

Got it just for. Wrapped it up, made it all nice.

So, happy birthday, boy.

- Buh-bye. - Hey.

Yo, wassup? I'm Chris Rock.

And I'd like to wish Martin Payne

a very, very, very happy birthday.

Oh, we gonna have a party.

We gonna be there.

Alright, I tell you, man.

Hey, wassup? I'm Donnie Simpson.

I wanna wish my boy, my home boy, from Detroit

Martin, a happy birthday. Many more.

Yo, Martin. Happy birthday, man.

I'm sorry. You weren't here when I was here.

But, uh, I'll catch up with you later.

'Yeah, yeah, y'all had to just--'

Hi, Martin. This Jonnie Cochran.

I took time from my busy, busy schedule

to wish you a happy birthday.

We're sending you a present. And, of course, a bill.

Wassup? You thought we forgot about you.

Happy birthday, Martin.

Gina is a good girl. Keep a good eye on her.

Hey, Martin.

Happy birthday!

- From Salt. - Pepa.

And Spin.

Martin, happy birthday, bruh.

Yo, wassup, man? Hey look, sorry I couldn't make to your party.

But happy birthday and all of that.

And you know, you get your groove on one time for me.

Alright, boy. Alright.

- Ah! - There you go.

Whoo!

Baby, come here.

Aw, don't cry.

There we go, Martin.

Martin.

- Yeah! - Whoo!

Martin. Speech.

- Speech. - Speech.

Speech. Speech.

Just-just give me a minute, y'all.

T-t-that was the bomb, y'all. That was the bomb.

Hey, Martin.

On behalf of Nipsey's and all your friends, man

I wanna say happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

- Come on. - Come on with it, Martin.

Come on with it.