Original subtitles

Next caller. What up?

Give me a break. You all talk.

'If you've even got a girlfriend'

'I bet she's got you wrapped around her little finger.'

Okay. So let me get this right, darling.

You're a female weight-lifter, right?

A gladiator, A bodybuilder, right?

Alright, 'cause you called me, goin' off of me.

Lemme tell you a little somethin' about my girl Gina.

Alright? Gina worships the ground I walk on. Alright.

If I tell Gina to jump, she just asks "ha-ha?"

'Cause see, Gina knows with me, she got a real man

that can deliver.

Some people call him crazy. I just call him baby.

A certain sister by the name of Pam, calls him everything

from a short Boyardee

to Donald Stump to Inch High, Private Eye.

But to the rest of the world, he's just Martin!

Hi, I'm Tisha Campbell.

And for the next half hour, I'm gonna be your host

your MC, and all around tour guide as we look back

on some of Martin's finest and funniest moments.

In a show that could only be called "The Best of Martin."

Whazzup?

Whazzup?

It is so hard to believe that the 100th episode of "Martin"

is only two weeks away.

What's even harder to believe are some of the changes

we've gone through since the show first premiered in 1992.

Of course, changing your job or your wardrobe is one thing.

But changing a man's attitude towards women

is something else all together.

And that is exactly what I was trying to do with Martin

in this scene from our very first show.

- Fine! It's over, Martin. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You gonna break up with me

because of what I do on the radio?

No! Because of what you do to me on the radio.

Damn it, Gina! Now, I'm mad.

You don't get it, do you? This is childish, Gina.

That's how you wanna leave, leave, right?

I'm a man, Gina. I'm a BI.

This is childish. I want you out.

I don't even know why you're still here.

Step! Oh, you step.

- You won. - I won?

You won. Damn.

There comes a time in every relationship

when you make a terrible mistake.

You do something so totally

unforgivably, unbelievably stupid.

Like, when I invited my parents

to meet Martin for the very first time.

Whazzup!

Mum and daddy, this is, this is Martin.

Yo, wassup, man? How you livin'? How you livin'? How you live..

Oh. Oh-ho. Oh-ho-ho. Hey.

Do you always smile this much?

Oh, Cliff. Leave the boy alone. You're making him nervous.

Hey, hey, now stop that.

I'm not nervous. I ain't never nervous.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Aah! Stop.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Oh, aah! Aah..

- Stop it! - Get your hands off of my wife!

The one thing about Martin's apartment.

You never know who is gonna stop by

or for that matter, wear out their welcome.

And that's when things can really get wild.

Because when Martin decides it is time for somebody the step

you can be sure that he will not be polite.

But he will definitely, be funny.

- I got somethin' for y'all. - What?

- Get out! - Martin!

Trick or treat your ass up out of here. Let's go.

Uh, back up a tase. No, just a ta.. Just give me some room.

Okay, the door is gonna slam about now, bruh.

I can't stand to be around you for another second.

Girl, you ain't got to wait. Excuse me.

Get out! Get out!

You know what, I'll catch you in hell, Martin.

Yeah, you'll be the only one there

and you're still living with your mother.

- Get the steppin', Gina. - No!

Martin, I'd rather be spoilt than be an ignorant

no class headed, big-eared jackass.

Hee-haw. Hee-haw.

I think Martin would be the first person

to admit that he's not perfect.

But when the chips are down, you could always count on him.

To start buggin'

like when my friend suddenly went into labor

and we couldn't get her to the hospital.

Oh, man. Now I know why my mama had plastic slip covers, okay.

Go back, Go back, okay, alright, alright.

Now, um...what do I do now?

Oh! Ah! Aah, girl.

I don't even know you. Let's ease into this.

- Oh, you close your legs. - Whoa! Ha-ha.

Oh-oh-oh-ho.

My bad, you know.

She's having a baby, man!

Baby? What-what-what? Who is she?

What is she doin' here?

Oh. Oh..

- Cole! - Ow! Ow!

How far apart are the contractions?

Every ten seconds.

- Heart rate. - It's steady.

Systolic and Diastolic normal.

Cole. Where did you get that from?

Me and moms was watching "Doogie Howser" last night.

Shut up, Cole.

Look, Martin, they say that the most important thing

is you keep 'em calm, okay, so, let's help her relax

and everything will take care of itself.

Okay. Well then, Tommy, you put on some Luther.

Cole, light some incense.

It's coming! It's coming!

Oh!

I caught him! I caught him!

'Yeah!'

Alright. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, man.

Where is the umbilical cord?

Damn it, Tommy! We don't need an umbilical cord.

This is TV!

As much as "Martin" the show is about Martin the man

it's also about his marriage. And that's where I come in.

As Gina, and no matter what happens

I love my Martin-Martin.

My Martin-Martin loves me.

In fact, when he calls me his sweet little boo

it makes me so proud. I get a big head.

Wait a minute. Did I just say that?

Martin! Will you please help me?

I can't get out!

I'm comin' baby, I'm comin', look.

Turn sideways, turn sideways, Gina.

Ouch! Ow!

Pivot your head. Pivot your head, baby.

It can't wait a minute! Help me!

Swivel your head. You gotta pivot, Gina.

I can't get out! I can't get out!

- Gina! Look. Now, look. - Yeah.

Let's not, let's not lose our head on this one.

- Okay? - Okay..

Baby, we just gotta think our way out of this, okay?

- Come on. - Yeah, okay, Martin.

But could you please remove this?

I think my head is swelling.

- I think.. - Damn, baby.

I didn't think your head could get no bigger.

Hey, boy, don't start with me, I swear.

Oh, this is very serious.

Okay. Look, I'll tell you what, Gina.

Uh, I go, I'mma go in the kitchen and get some butter.

Butter you up and bam! You're out of here, baby.

No, Martin! That's how I got into this mess.

Alright, Gina, look at the bright side, baby.

What bright side, Martin?

Maybe if you stand next to the TV we can get free pay per view.

Don't put no more pressure on your ears, Gina.

Just get over here.

What can I say about Martin's best friends Tommy and Cole?

It's always safe to say that one thing about Tommy is

he still ain't got no job.

And Cole, well, you gotta love a man

who makes Martin look like a genius.

No matter how bad he's trippin'.

Well, the only trouble with Cole

is that if you don't keep an eye on him

somebody could get hurt.

Martin, look at Cole.

Cole. No, you are not clippin' your fuzzy ass

toe nails up in here man.

Just one more.

But no matter how many times Tommy and Cole mess up

Martin can be sure of one thing, they've always got his back.

Like the time they thought

I was tryin' to kill him for some insurance money.

She's probably back at your crib right now.

- Not at the crib. - Right, right this second.

Right now. Settin' you up to make it look like a accident.

Somethin' wrong with you, Cole.

Cole, I'm serious, somethin' really wrong with you.

You know that Gina would never do anything to hurt Martin.

For any amount of money. I don't care how much it is.

Two million dollars!

I'd kill you for two million dollars.

For two million dollars, I'd kill myself.

You got to taste this, babe. Got to taste this.

- Uh.. - I worked on this all day.

- Uh.. - Have some.

- Uh. - Open up, baby.

Uh, baby your hair, look. Who did your hair?

- Me. I did it. - Girl, your hair look.

Your who.. Your hair lookin' like a bomb!

I say, your hair lookin' like the bomb.

- Really? - Yeah.

Turn around, let me see. Girl, gimme, gimme that.

Mmm...mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

That steak was the bomb.

There's an old saying.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Well, Martin has his share of enemies.

But none of them is closer

or knows how to get on his nerves better.

than my best friend Pam.

Hi, good morning.

You look terrible as usual.

How come I just woke up

but you're the one with the morning breath?

Now, there's a piece of place about four blocks from here.

But the only person I know that can make it in this blizzard

is the Abominable SnowPam.

Why can't you go, Martin?

I mean, we could just get a big rubber band

and fling your little ass right over there.

- I'm with it. - Yeah?

Now, how we gettin' up outta here

with all the people outside?

Pam-Bam! There it is.

We just saddle up Pam and just gallop right through the people.

Gallop right through your crowd.

- Right through here. - Whatever.

Arsenio Small.

Oh, Martin, you know what, that is so sweet

you let the baby sleep in your bed.

It doesn't take a genius to work in TV.

Now be for real, I mean, look at you.

And it doesn't take a genius

to catch a frisbee in your mouth, now, does it?

Pam!

Who is the real Martin?

Well, there's the hard-working Martin

who has a career in radio and TV.

Then there's the sweet-talking Martin

who's the husband, the lover and a friend.

But what really makes Martin

Martin is the side of him that thinks he's a fighter.

And whether he's taking on the King of Pop, a giant rat

or the world-champion Tommy, the Hitman Hunt.

You know he will always give it his best shot.

Before he goes down for the count.

Yo, Michael. I'mma tell you gotta beat it, man.

- You better beat it. - Tiddo.

- Oh. I don't know you. - Wassup?

No, you.. Man. No Michael did a spring on me.

I think there's a puppy in our room.

- Oh, Gina. - Babe.

That ain't no damn puppy.

That ain't no cat!

Careful baby! Aah!

- ...my corner, baby. - Yes, I love you, baby.

- I love you. - Ah? Yeah, I love you.

'Oh, no!'

'This could hurt.'

I ain't gonna fight no more.

Is the swelling gone down?

Yeah, way down. It.. Yeah.

Shrunk a little.

Can I have a kiss?

I ain't scared.

The way Martin fights..

It's a good thing he has a woman

in his corner who can take charge of a situation.

Who knows how to resolve conflicts

in a dignified way.

I'm a little cold and I need

to get some change for some hot chocolate. Please?

I said I don't have any change.

Now, get out of here.

"Now, get out of here." That's what he said.

- That's what he said. - Okay.

- Knock knock. Hi! - What are you, slow?

You just get off the short yellow bus?

I said we don't have..

Give me change!

Give me change!

You hang with Martin long enough

you're definitely gonna run into some strange people.

Like, uh, Roscoe, the runny nose little kid?

Or Martin's mama.

Or Otis, the security guard.

With this taser you gotta keep

your safety latch on at all times.

If you don't do that, you do somethin' stupid. Eh!

Or the player of all players, Jerome.

They tell me I look like Denzel Washington.

Your name must be Candy.

Because you look so sweet.

My boyfriend is right over there, okay?

So I guess you're talkin' about the little

big-eared guy over there.

Let me tell you, if you wanna get with a winner

you gotta drop that chicken dinner.

You hear?

You gotta get rid of your friend, though

if you wanna ride in the Benzo.

Of course, if they handed out prizes

for the strange, the blue ribbon

would go to a girl who lives right across the hall.

My girl, Sheneneh Jenkins.

Oh, my girl..

How would you like a little live entertainment?

Oh sure, no problem.

You like that? Alright.

Bam!

Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?

I know you there. I know you there.

I will hunt you, huh!

'Put your ugly face back in the car.'

I know you there! I know you there!

Hey, Sheneneh, will you guys shut up

and get back in this car, Come on.

Is that your wife or is your dog

walking backwards, huh?

Okay. Do you know anything about pedicures?

- Yeah! I do know. - Okay then do Myra's pedicure.

Now be careful of that raw patch on my big toe.

And see that corn?

You got to file that corn down 'cause I can hardly dance.

Ugh.

Sheneneh!

Huh.

Girl. What are you doin'?

You don't file like that.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, please, okay?

You gotta go to work on Myra's feet.

- Mm-hmm. - Alright. Yeah.

Oh. Ooh..

Ooh, Sheneneh, oh, I love it.

Aah..

Ooh..

Some of the show's funniest moments aren't in the script.

It's the unpredictable mistakes

and the behind-the-scenes craziness you get

with the talented cast who's really having fun.

And on the set of "Martin," that's practically every day.

So here are a few of our favorite

"Martin" outtakes.

I got friends. I'm always gonna be alright.

You follow me? Alright. Okay.

Now..

- Mm-hmm, what's wrong? - Forgot the line.

Yes. Got it.

'Alright.'

Aah! Oh!

Well, look. Ahem, I-I've gotta run now, okay.

Ow! Ooh! ! Uh..

Uh..

I'm just, I'm, I'm.. I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna..

Alright, lady, look..

Now, look, I'm glad..

- Pam! - You don't know me.

- Come on. - Get off.

- Oh, my! - Martin, Martin.

- Hey! - Oh, my!

I gotta start. Aah!

Oh, Gina, you ain't bring me nothin' to eat?

Let's try it out, the octave.

The octave.

Alright. Here we go.

Oh, Gina, you ain't bring me nothin' to eat?

Oh, baby, you ain't bring me nothin' to eat?

Hey, I'm tryin' different emotions, how to say that line.

Oh, come on now, baby.

You didn't bring me nothin' to eat!

Oh, baby, I know..

Thanks for joining us.

I hope you had as much fun watching the show

as we did making it.

And now that I think about it, we should have called this show

"The Best of Martin so far."

'Cause I promise you this

the best of "Martin" is yet to come.

Peace.

- Oh, baby. You know what? - What?

This vacation proves one thing, Gina.

As long as the two of us are together

nothing else matters, babe.