Original subtitles

Pam, why did you let me spend all that money on Martin?

Baby clothes are expensive, Gina.

Can't y'all see where y'all going?

Hey, Clyde, hold up, man, we gotta go back.

- I dropped something. - Forget it, it's not important.

You mean, you don't want the money we just stole?

Excuse me, sirs

I'm sorry, you dropped your bag of grocery..

Oh, thanks, lady, but those aren't groceries.

That's the money we just robbed from the bank.

How stupid can you get?

You just let 'em see your face and you told them what you did!

We ain't seen nothing. Yeah, yea-yeah, we didn't see a thing!

- We didn't see nothing! - No!

I didn't see nothing. I ain't seen jack!

- Okay! - No, lady.

My name's ain't Jack, it's Donnie.

Oh, man, that's 5.0. We gotta roll. Come on.

Okay, you two better act like you never saw anything.

Yeah, and if you two even dream that you saw us

you better wake up and apologize.

Let's go.

- Oh, no, this is not good. - Wow!

- This is not good. - Pam!

- This is too.. Oh, Pam! - Oh..

We just witnessed a bank robbery!

Oh, no, no, no, correction, you witnessed the bank robbery.

I ain't seen nothing. Y'all hear that, fellas?

Pamela James ain't seen nothing!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't see these mugshots.

It's really dark in here.

It's because your head is blocking the light, ma'am.

Get used to it, officer. Big heads run in her family.

Hey, Gina, I got here as quick as I could, baby.

- What's going on? - Martin.

I am so glad you're here, baby!

Hey, we got your message to hurry

to the police station. You okay?

- You know, I'm upset. - Baby, guess what?

- What? - We were involved in a crime!

- What? - What?

Yo, Gina, man, whatever you do, right

don't-don't cry for moms when they lock you up

'cause them big sisters in prison

they don't play that.

No, Cole, me and Pam witnessed a bank robbery, ha!

See, you know what?

This whole room's still not listening to me.

Gina was involved in the bank robbery.

Pam ain't seen jack!

Well, look, now come on, Pam, don't be like that, alright?

Look, look, if you cooperate with the officer

girl, you gonna get your big box of Scooby snacks.

You on my nerves. On my last--

Officer, officer, I think this is him right there

these two guys right there, sir!

Oh, we won't see it.

Uh-oh.

She's identified Donnie and Clyde.

We've been trying to convict those guys for years

except, all the witnesses keep mysteriously disappearing.

- Ah. - Oh.

Yo, those brothers were magicians, too?

No, Cole, Donnie and Clyde took 'em out, man.

Hey, look, look, damn that, baby, okay? Don't worry.

Your man ain't afraid of nobody.

Bring their asses on, bring 'em on, Gina.

- Bring 'em on! - Okay.

I don't think you understand me.

I am talking about Donnie and Clyde.

I don't give a damn if you're talking about

Donnie and Marie, alright?

Man, if they step to me wrong

they gonna get a old-fashioned Joe Jackson ass-whupping.

Well, that is what the police are here for, sir.

We are here to protect and serve.

Yeah, what y'all serving?

Brother hungry as hell right about now.

Just ignore him, officer, he ain't..

Well, it looks like we're all done here.

- Let's be out. - Ah.

Uh, uh, ladies. I'm afraid it's not quite that simple.

You're eyewitnesses, so I'm gonna have to place you

in protective custody at an undisclosed location.

Hold up, officer, okay?

- Where you taking us, man? - Yeah.

Well, us ain't going anywhere.

It's just the two witnesses here.

So you can kiss your wife goodbye and keep hope alive.

Hey, damn that man, alright? Keep Gina alive.

- Keep my baby alive. - Yeah, but what about Pam?

Tommy, if I have to tell your bald head..

I told y'all!

Pamela James ain't seen jack!

Out here!

I guess I done seen it all, a seeing-eye dog that can't see.

How the hell you not gonna see the damn robbers get robbed?

Okay, ladies, look, before you go to your secret location

you might wanna grab a few things.

Uh, uh, sir, mister, um, sir, um

how long do you think we gonna be undercover?

Oh, not long, Donnie and Clyde usually rub out their witnesses

within the first 48 hours.

Pam, they gonna take us out, they gonna take us out!

Alright, alright, Gina, don't even sweat it.

We ain't going out like that.

Give me my shank.

- Give me the shank. - You're gonna need it.

Excuse me, what did you just say?

I'm sorry, I didn't hear that.

Oh, no, no, you see, I-I just said, "Good luck"

and the community is proud of you.

W-w-wait a minute now, w-w-when we gonna go

to this secret location?

I won't be going with you

but I will be getting the hell out of here.

- Oh-- - Hey, oh!

- Hey, where, where you goin'? - It ain't right.

No, no, no, w-w-where you going? You leaving us?

Well, you're damn right I am, I mean, there ain't no sense

in all of us checking out.

Well, who's going to protect us, man?

Never fear. Ol' Otis by God is here.

Now where's the little honey that's to need protecting?

Oh, my God.

Right.

Well, looks like everything here is under control.

Ladies, God bless you, and good luck.

How could they leave us here with Otis?

They-they might as well have left us here with Barnaby Jones.

What's the matter, girl?

You don't trust Ol' Otis?

Hell, no!

Look, look, don't worry, alright?

I protected 200 defs just like you just last month.

Really? And everything turned out alright?

No, but they sure as hell

served some good food at the funeral, guh.

I-I'm-I'm not gonna lie to you, they have

macaroni and cheese, they have them some--

Otis, Otis, look, we don't care about the food.

We can't kick it here with you, okay?

Donnie and Clyde are coming back for us.

Wait a minute, now you ain't going nowhere, okay?

You trying to make Ol' Otis look bad?

- What is he talking about? - No!

Mr. Otis, it's just that

we'd feel a little bit more comfortable

if my husband and his friends were around us, that's it.

Guh, that's a bull-faced lie if I ever saw one.

You trying to make Ol' Otis look like I can't do my job.

No, no, no, Mr. Otis, it's just that we were expecting

protection more like Wesley Snipes

not Grady from "Sanford And Son."

Girl, I am the best that there is.

Wesley Snipes is a pretty bwah. You hear what I'm sayin' to you?

Ol' Otis is hands on, I get in there

and I take the criminal, I get 'em out of there.

Okay, alright, Mr. Otis

just take us to our secret location.

There's no need to go there because you are already there.

- Here. - What?

Mr. Otis, this is the first place that they're gonna look!

No, no, missy, okay?

This is the last place that they are gonna look.

See, the criminal mind is a stupid mind.

Alright, Mr. Otis, if..

Pam, if we're gonna be here, we might as well get comfortable.

Oh, not so fast, miss. Not so fast.

Not after a secur-security check.

You-you-you might be working for the enemy, guh.

What enemy? Look, Mr. Otis..

- You trippin'. - No, I'm not trippin'.

Between your friend's big head and your thick caboose

you could be smuggling enough weapons in there

to blow all of Detroit out.

Alright! Alright! Wait a minute now.

Let's just hurry up and get this over with.

Damn, I know the commercials say

raise your hands if you're sure

but you a little unsure, aren't you, missy?

Smell like you've been wrestling a alligator out there.

Tommy, hey, man, something ain't right.

- Gina would've called by now. - Okay, okay.

Look, Martin, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason

why they haven't called yet, man.

Duh, that's easy, the criminals got 'em

and they won't let 'em use the phone.

Cole, right now ain't a good time, man, okay?

- It's not a good time. Okay. - Okay, okay, m-my bad.

- 'Right.' - We'll come back to it later.

Look, look, look here, Martin, you-you just need to chill, man.

That's all. Cole, go put on some music or something.

- Okay, okay. Okay, cool. - Hey, relax.

- Yeah, you're tellin' me. - They'll be fine.

'We interrupt this music to bring you a special'

'news bulletin. Donnie and Clyde are still at large.'

'This is the last bulletin you'll hear from me'

''cause I don't want them crazy brothers hemming me up.'

'I'm out.'

You hear that, Tommy? I'm going to find Gina and Pam.

H-h-hold on now, Martin. Look.

I'm sure they're in good hands, man.

They are being guarded by Detroit's finest!

Oh, look, look, all we have to do

is sit and wait, that's it.

Okay, so what you wanna do first, uh, sit or wait?

- Ah! - Oh, no, no, Martin, come on!

Alright, alright, alright, come on, relax.

It's okay, it's okay, I know.

That's cool, I'm cool.

Come on, come on, come on.

Okay. Okay.

Come on, man, I'm, I'm just

trying to help you out, you know?

- Yeah, right. - I'm, you know..

- I ain't mean nothing. - Alright.

- Alright, now look. - It's..

- Okay. You okay? Alright. - Yeah, yeah.

I mean, there's nothing we can do, man, right?

Um, look, we don't even know what they look like.

Look here, I'mma get you something to drink.

- Cole, get the door! - Alright.

- Man, man! - Alright.

Excuse me, sir, are you the man of the house?

No, but I'm a friend of the man of the house.

Hey, what's up? What's happening?

W-what can I do for ya?

Hi. How you doin', man?

Is this the home of the witness?

Say-say what, partner?

He said he's a Jehovah's Witness.

Jehovah? Man, man, please look, okay?

Now is not the time, it definitely is not the time.

My brother right here got a lot of stress he dealing with.

Stress all up in here, okay?

H-his wife i-is at a secret location.

W-well, actually, she's at her best friend Pam's house

getting ready to be taken to a secret location, but..

A-and, look, we keep that on the D.

- That's none of your business. - Cole!

Sit your empty head down.

Right here, don't you move, you sit there.

Don't you move, you hear me?

- Please! Hah! - Okay.

Now, whatever you brothers are selling, we ain't buying.

Well, I j..

And I'm..

What the hell in..

Whoa!

- Mr. Otis! - Oh..

Mr. Otis, what is your problem?

You almost scared us half to death.

Better me than them, guhs. Okay?

Now listen, rule number one, if you fall asleep

you wind up six feet deep.

Now Otis got some wardrobe for you.

'Yeah, take him, Gina, this is not fair.'

Somewhere that, now, now, somewhere. There you go.

Mr. Otis, a bulletproof vest?

What are we supposed to do with these? What is this for?

Better safe than sorry, missy. Okay?

Ol' Otis can tell you that bullets hot.

They hot!

Really? Mr. Otis, have you been shot before?

Yeah, that's right, I've been shot, guh.

I took a AK-47 right here, caught one right there

scarred me for-for-for life.

I-I-I see it scarred you, Mr. Otis.

I also caught one in the rump, guh, but that was from my wife.

Ol' Otis don't creep no more, you know what I'm saying?

Excuse me, Mr. Otis.

Look at this. It's got holes in it.

- What is this about? - Well, I'll just be damned.

Like, uh.. Well, I guess it ain't bulletproof then there.

Guh, but you know what, they go real nice with them jeans

you got on there, girl.

Mr. Otis, what do you need all these weapons for?

Protection, missy poo.

Excuse me, Mr. Otis, you need to be a little careful

with that stun gun, you could hurt somebody around here.

Hey, let me tell you something, I've been doing this

since y'all was in training bra.

And by the look of things, you still got

some training to do.

Oh, very funny, Mr. Otis, like, you could tell

with them coke-bottle glasses you got.

That's real funny.

The criminals on your ass.

Now listen, with this taser

you got to keep the safety latch on at all times.

If you don't do that, you do something stupid, eh!

- Ah! Mr. Otis! - Mr. Otis! Mr. Otis!

Mr. Otis! Mr. Otis!

- Mr. Otis? - Mister, mister..

M-M-M-Mr. Otis!

Are you okay?

Do I look okay?

Help me out, girls. Help me out.

Alright, alright, Mr. Otis, you know what?

I don't think that we're the ones

that need the protection. You need protection from yourself.

Now what I need is to rest, home girl.

I tell you, that got my bladder running so crazy, guh.

Gina, he's been in there for 20 minutes.

No telling when he's coming out. I say we roll!

No. Pam, where are we gonna go?

Donnie and Clyde are gonna kill us!

But if we stay here, Otis is gonna kill us. Now let's break.

True, let's get out of here.

- Hurry up, give me my coat. - Here, get your coat. Here.

- Take one. My jacket. - Got it?

Hurry up. I got the door, I got the door.

- Hurry up. - Alright.

Are those, uh, are those guns?

Or y'all just happy to see us?

- It's a gun. - But we are happy to see you.

And thanks for giving the money back--

- Oh, you're welcome. - Donnie, shut up.

You two sit on the couch.

What are you gonna do to us?

We're gonna make sure you never make it to court.

Hey, Clyde, who's that?

- That's our top security agent. - Top!

- A-a-and he don't play that. - Don't even...play.

Sit down.

If you're smart, you act like we're your dates.

- No! - Our dates?

I don't want a date. Watch my hair, boy!

Oh, Clyde, can we switch? My date's got a bad attitude.

You on my hair.

Ah.

Well, look what we've got here.

The minute Ol' Otis turn his back

y'all call your dates over, huh? Ain't that something?

I hope you don't mind. I just couldn't wait to see my baby.

Oh, well, that's alright, you young buckaroos.

Look here, I'mma going down to the car

get me some clean britches, I tell y'all, I tore..

No, Mr. Otis, please..

Please don't leave us.

Oh, it's alright there, missy poo.

These young gentlemen, young buckaroos

are gonna take care of you. Look, as a matter of fact..

Why don't y'all take my gun? So as I can get this out.

Take my gun and use it for protection

in case the robbers come by.

You know, there ain't gonna be no trouble now

uh, Mr. Otis.

Um, why don't you just take your time?

Man, you know, you got a kind heart there, bwah?

Need more like you, bwah, need more like you.

- Just take your time. - Yeah, bwah.

Now, it's time for y'all to say your prayers.

Oh, Gina, oh, Gina..

- Now I lay me down to sleep-- - Not you, Donnie!

Hey, get over here and take care of these two.

You wanna do it right here?

But we'll mess up the nice lady's carpet.

Just give me that gun, fool.

- I'll do it myself. - Don't, don't..

You know, boys, I seem to have misplaced my car keys somewhere.

I have no idea where they--

Mr. Otis, they're gonna kill us!

Say what, girl?

Wait a minute, ain't gonna be no domestic violence

up in here, boys.

Listen, you just mind your own business

and you won't get hurt, old man.

You wanna run that by me one more time there, bwah?

I said, mind your business and you won't get hurt, old man.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought you said there, bwah.

You just committed a five to ten, bwah.

W-what's a five to ten?

I'm about to whup his ass for five or ten minutes.

Man, please, I don't even need a weapon to deal

with your rusty old butt. Hold that, Donnie.

You done lost your advantage there, bwah.

Now I'm about to play like a dentist.

- And take out your teeth. - Oh, really?

- You goin' down today. - Come on with it.

- You going down. - Come on with it.

- Uh! - Ah!

- Mr. Otis? - No, no.

- Mr. Otis? - Mr. Otis?

Now, now, don't you girls worry.

That was, that was nothing at all.

Is that all you got, bwah?

You must be sweet on Ol' Otis, bwah

'cause that damn sure was a love tap, bwah.

- Oh, yeah? Come on. - Yeah.

- Come on, bwah. - Ah!

Stop screaming like a sissy

and take your whupping like a man, bwah.

Come on, bwah.

Freeze!

Get on out of here with your rusty behind. Go on.

You know what? Gina, I'm so happy that that is over.

- Me, too, girl. - Mm!

Well, I gotta be honest with you, ladies.

I never thought I'd see you two alive again.

- Thank you. - Matter of fact..

We were taking bets on it down here at the station.

Baby, oh, I'm so glad you alright.

- Baby, I was so scared. - Oh, I know, I know.

But, look, at least you had Grizzly Adams

to take care of you, you know, watch your back.

You know what, I'm hurt, Martin. You know, I..

My life was in danger, too. I could've lost my life as well.

Now I know. Ah, come here, you get a hug, too.

- I get a hug? - Come on. Yeah, girl.

I ain't got nothing but love for you, girl.

But you know, if they would've got you

at least you would've had eight lives left.

Get away from me, just get away from me.

You know, you messed up a special moment. You messed up--

Now, you know, Mr. Payne

you can be proud of your wife and her friend here.

Thanks to their bravery, we were able to put away

Donnie and Clyde for a long time.

I'm just glad that my baby's alright, you know?

And since she's alright, it's all good.

Well, not quite.

You see, we still haven't recovered the stolen money.

Oh, thank you so very much, darlings.

Y'all are so beautiful and lovely.

Could you fan just a little harder?

Oh, that's hot. I work so hard.

I really do.

Um, waitress, missy poo

can I see you for a minute there, please, girl?

How you doing there, lovely lady? You are!

Look here, can you bring me

another one of them Bahama Mamas?

My coconut's a little empty there, girl.

Thank you, there. Oh, oh, for you, girl.

Here, here. Why don't you buy yourself a new dress?

Cover the coconuts you got sticking out

like that there, guh.

Alright, well, if I wasn't so old

I'd buy you one there, guh.

Sure, I'll buy you one of that.

Somebody want to give me love?

Just somebody wanna give me love?

Oh, oh, you know what?

Here's one for you, one for you.

No, you didn't give me love. You get that?

You get them all, guh.