Original subtitles

Okay, Gina, let's go over this presentation one more time.

Okay, first I'll explain the TV commercial

with the story-board.

Then, I'll tell her how

new Jet Bug Spray kills the mosquitoes.

- Okay. - Baby.

Glad I, glad I called you. Baby, I got some good news.

Oh, what's up? What's up?

Platform shoes are coming back for you?

Yeah, and so is "Lassie."

If you hurry you can make the auditions. Now, please.

'Okay, alright, look. Martin, Martin.'

Will you tell her the good news, man?

- Yeah, please tell me. - Okay, baby, check it out now.

What's the difference between me and Montel Williams?

I'll answer that. Let me see, um, Montel Williams

he is rich, good-looking, and he can see over the curb.

Ha-ha. Ah, you, wow. I wasn't even talking to you

scary Godmother, now, please!

Get your head.. You better get your head out of my face.

Baby, the only difference between me and Montel, Gina

is publicity, but all that's about to change, baby.

Okay, okay. Come on with it. What's up? What's going on, man?

Okay, you know the TV show

"Get The Hell Up Detroit?"

Well, baby, they doing a story on me, Gina.

Martin, wait a minute. "Get the Hell Up Detroit"

doesn't that program come on at 5 o'clock in the morning?

Yes, Gina, if you get the hell up you can watch it, baby.

So they gonna have a, a film crew following Martin around

they gonna be filming his daily routine.

No, no, no, wait. I know you're not gonna have

cameras come into your apartment

with that raggedy old furniture y'all got.

Excuse me, Pam, but there is nothing wrong

with our apartment, okay?

Please, Gina, like that 1980's pleather couch

got goin' on, please.

Yeah, that ugly green couch is kind of loud.

Look like a Martian threw up on it.

Ha-ha! Look, look, laugh if y'all want, but don't worry

I'mma, I'mma make the apartment look good for the cameras.

- I ain't worrying about that. - Oh, baby, I gotta look good.

So I gotta get my nails done.

Look, I just want you to be as fly as you always are, baby.

Boo-boo. I love it when you talk like that.

Pam, I would like you to be there, too.

Oh, baby, that's sweet.

Yeah, I mean that from the heart.

For real?

Yes. I want all of Detroit to meet me

my lovely wife, Gina.

- Oh, Martin. - And our family pet.

Whazzup? Whazzup? Whazzup?

Whazzup!

Yeah. I'm telling you..

This rented furniture gonna make me look large.

Okay, look, thank you very much. Now stay out.

Great. Step, step. Yeah.

Hey, Martin, are you sure

you-you had to rent all this furniture, baby?

Yes, Gina. Baby it's image. We got to represent.

Well, I got to admit, this furniture is the bomb!

Woah, woah, woah, baby. Don't get too comfortable.

This furniture is for frontin', baby, not for sitting.

You know what, the camera crew is gonna be here any minute.

Let me go get dressed.

Okay, Gina, just remember the signal, okay?

- Then you come out, okay? - Okay I got the signal.

"Breakfast, breakfast," is the signal.

- Okay. That's what I'm sayin'? - I know.

- Whoo! - Good morning!

Alright. Breakfast is served!

Direct from Maricha's Cafe just as you ordered.

- Thank you, Tommy. - There you go.

My work is done, now I gotta go back.

Woah, woah, woah, what you got to do?

I thought you was gonna help me out.

Look, look here, man I've been thinking, okay?

Now with the kind of work that I do, right?

I think it's really important that I'm not seen on TV.

- Tommy. - What?

Everybody in the audience knows damn well

you ain't got no job, man.

Now, please, just do what we rehearsed, man, okay?

I-I wrote it all down for you, it's right there.

- Alright. - Okay.

Ho-hold, Martin.

You don't know none of these important people.

When I'm on TV I do.

O-okay, Tommy, that's them okay, uh..

Uh, uh.. How I look?

- You cool, man. You cool. - Am I cool?

Don't front on me, man. Am I flat?

You better straight up, boy!

Sit that.. Yeah! Go, baby!

- What up, man? Okay, okay. - You go, dawg?

Cool. Okay, uh, check it out, man.

- This's them. Who is it? - Alright.

'It's "Get The Hell Up Detroit," and our cameras are rolling.'

Alright, uh-uh, just a second.

Okay, remember what we talked about, man.

- Don't slump on me, Tommy. - I got you, dawg!

Alright, okay.

Hey, what's happenin'?

You know, I was just about to head out to the orphanage

and hand out some toys, but hey, that can wait.

Come on in. What's happening, Detroit?

Cameraman, did you get that?

Loki, get some shots of the apartment, huh?

Hi, Martin, I'm Pico Rivera.

I'll be producing the profile we're doing on you this week.

- Pico Rivera? - Mm-hm.

Let me ask, are you any kin of Geraldo?

Who's Geraldo?

Never mind, Pico. come on in here, man.

Listen, the camera will take care of everything

just be yourself, huh?

Oh, don't worry, you know, I keep it real all the time.

You know? let me introduce you to my assistant Thomas.

- Hey, how you doing? - Tommy.

- How you doin'? - Nice to meet you.

Hi, mom!

I want to give a shout out to all my people

down at my job. What's up, y'all? What? What?

Man, slow your role, man.

This is about me Tommy, man.

Alright now, why don't you go over my

busy schedule for Pico over there.

- Go over your what? - The busy schedule that I have.

What the hell you talking about? I don't know nothin' about--

- The schedule in your pocket! - Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Pocket, yeah! Yeah, yeah, man. - I got a little confused.

Okay, here's your schedule.

Alright, you got a 10 o'clock meeting with Colin Powell.

- Damn, why is it at00? - Yeah.

Well, that's all I have now.

Okay, then, after that, what, at noon

you got to fly to Chicago, man.

You got that meeting with Oprah.

Look you tell Oprah to make up her mind, okay?

Is she on a diet or not?

Is she gonna be grubbing when I come to Chicago or what?

I'll-I'll be sure to ask her that okay, Mr. Payne?

Okay, right on that, see you later.

- Bye, bye, Tommy. - Bye. Bye mom, see you later.

- Bye. - Peace.

Bam! Why don't we walk on over and have some breakfast?

Ha-ha!

I say, it's time for breakfast, Gina.

Baby, Detroit, I'd like you to meet my lovely wife Gina.

She's a big-time advertising executive.

Boo-boo, this is all of Detroit.

Oh, darling, I didn't know we were having company.

- Get the hell up, Detroit! - Alright.

Get your ass up, Detroit.

Honey, boo-boo, schnukum-cakes.

Are you, uh, are you ready for breakfast?

- You made me breakfast? - Gina.

Oh, I mean, that is so sweet.

You know he does this every morning?

- What a man! What a man! - Alright.

Baby, what did you make today?

Well, you know, I made a little somethin', somethin'.

You know, you know, a Marty-Mart throw down.

What the hell is that?

You know, I mean, sometime I cook stuff up so fast

I don't even know what they have in there.

Ah..

Oh, my stars. Looks like I'm gonna have to

take it with me because I have to go

I have a very important presentation to make.

Of course you do. You big time executive, you.

Kisses, kisses and smooches and smooches.

So here's the premise for the commercial.

Two kids are playing by the lake when all of a sudden

a swarm of mosquitoes attack them.

- I like that, go on. - Okay.

Then, from out of the sky our hero, a can of new Jet Bug Spray

swoops down on the bugs and says

"Look here, bugs, back up on the kids

'cause I ain't having it!"

And then he takes the gat

he pulls out the gas sauce to blast.

Prr! Prr! Prr!

And then, like, all-all the bugs are fall on their backs, right

and their tentacles are going every which-a-way

and then start gnawing and gnawing!

Hey, Pam! Pam! Pam!

Pam!

I think she gets it. You okay?

Not only do I get it, I love it.

Gina, it is such a refreshing take on killing bugs.

- See. - Thank you, thank you.

Oh, yeah, right. Oh, baby, I'm glad I caught you

I rushed down here as fast as I could.

Uh, Martin, you rushed for what? W-what's, what's going on?

You forgot your briefcase, baby.

Uh, Martin, I forgot this briefcase

for a very good reason.

I haven't used it in two years, honey.

Gina, today might be the day, baby, when you need it the most.

And you know I'm such a thoughtful husband.

Did y'all get that? Ah-ha, yeah!

Thank you for the briefcase, Martin.

Allison, I'm sorry for the interruption.

No, no apologies at all, Gina.

I uh, take it that that handsome man is your husband.

- Oh, this is her friend, Pam. - Tsk.

Why don't you leave me alone?

But I'm her husband Martin. How you doing?

- Allison Jones, my pleasure. - Alright.

Allison, "Get The Hell Up Detroit"

is doing a profile on Martin.

- Really? - Yeah.

Well, you know Martin, my husband and I

love your talk show, and you know what?

You're even better looking in person.

Get out.. Do I? Thank you very, very much.

Did y'all get that? Okay, alright.

- Uh, Martin. - Yeah.

Thank you for coming, honey, and bringing the briefcase

but don't you have an important meeting to go to?

Some shows to do or something'?

True that, true that, I ain't trying to keep Spike waiting.

You know what I mean?

Hey, Martin, do you think that we can take a few shots of you

and some of your celebrity friends like Spike?

No, no, not Spike. He a little camera shy. Yeah.

Too bad. Because we could really use some footage of you

with some of your upscale friends.

What about her? She look upscale as a mug to me.

But I thought you two just met.

Pico, man, I just playing with you, Pico. Yeah.

Uh, Allison.

Um, why don't you and your husband swing by the crib

tonight and have dinner with me and my lovely wife Gina?

Oh, we'd love to, Martin.

And, you know, I think that you and Kevin

will have a lot to talk about.

He's an entertainment attorney, and you're an entertainer.

Well, cool. We'll see you at00.

- Right, baby? - Right.

I think we'll have fun having dinner

with a big cable TV star.

Oh, now, quit with that.

I'm just a old down to earth brother.

Did you get that?

I had no idea you were the one that convinced them.

All I did was put in a call.

Next day Jordan was back with the Bulls, you know?

- Bam! You know what I mean? - Cut!

That was great, Martin.

We got enough footage for tonight.

Allison, Kevin, it was nice to meet you.

- Hasta manana, people. - Bye, bye.

- Be safe, okay? - Thank you, you too.

You know, Kevin, baby, maybe it'll be a good idea

if you introduce Martin to some of your clients.

You know, that's not a bad idea.

You know, I represent some very heavy hitters.

In fact, a lot of them are going to be coming

to our Christmas party this year.

Why don't you and Gina come?

We're gonna be swinging and hanging and..

Oh! I-I don't know, Alli.

I mean, you know, our friends are pretty wild and crazy.

Hey, I was born to be wild.

Hey, look everywhere I go people say

I'm the life of the party up in there.

- We would love to come. - Great!

Thanks so much for tonight, Gina.

- I'm so glad you made it. - So we'll see you Saturday?

- Oh, definitely. - Thank you, baby.

- Here you go. - Thank you. Mm-hm.

Um, what is the attire? Dressy, casual?

- What are we wearing? - Oh, it's uh, very casual.

In fact, you could come naked if you want to.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

- Bye-bye. Bye-bye. - Okay, bye-bye.

Alright, man.

Baby, do you think they know

what kind of party this is gonna be?

Oh, you heard Martin. He's wild.

- They know what time it is. - Yeah, you're right.

Four of us are gonna have so much fun in that Jacuzzi.

Ooh. Baby, we may not even have to turn on the heat.

Hey, baby. Your friend Allison is kind of cool.

That party on Friday is gonna be on, huh?

Baby, it sounds like we are going to be

rubbing elbows with some celebrities.

Baby, what we gonna be doing

we gonna be stomping with the big dog!

- Yo, Big Tom. - Hey.

I appreciate you going with me

to pick up the champagne for the Christmas party, man.

Uh, Martin, this-this here ain't champagne.

It's Champepelle!

Man, rich folk know the difference.

Man, after couple of bottles they won't.

Just make sure it gets delivered, alright?

- Alright. - Yo, boo? You ready?

Hey, baby, I don't think I'mma go to this party, honey.

My head is pounding. Feel like a mule kicked me in my head.

Gina, I told you about standing behind Pam

when you're feeding her.

- Martin. - What?

I am serious, honey. I don't think I could go to this party.

Gina, I really ain't trying to go without you, baby.

Baby, I'll come later if I'm feeling any better.

But you should go meet some of Kevin's clients, really.

I guess you're right.

It'd be a shame to waste all this flatness.

You know what I mean?

Well, why don't you just take your assistant Thomas?

Uh-uh. I done play the assistant once, I quit.

Oh, come on, Tommy. What else you got to do, man?

Bro, for your information

I got a date with this new honey from my job.

Now I got to stop you right there. Okay?

Tommy, you of all people don't need to be getting

involved with some woman who is unemployed, man.

- Hi, guy! - Kevin, what's up?

Martin, I'm so glad you could make it.

Thank you very much. Your place is so nice.

- Thank you. - Uh, where's, uh, Gina?

Uh, she couldn't make it. Yeah. She wasn't feeling very well.

- Oh. - Aw. That's too bad.

'Cause I was so much looking forward to getting to

know Gina...better.

And who is this tall, dark and handsome brother over here?

Hi, how're you? I'm Tommy Strawn.

Ooh.

Ah! Nice shoes, Tommy.

What size are they, baby?

I beg your pardon?

I mean, um, where did you get them?

Ah, these old things?

Hell, I don't even remember.

Well. Martin, can I get you a drink?

- Maybe later, thank you. - Okay.

- Tommy. - No, okay, I will.

Oh, Martini.

Oh, Kevin-roney.

What's up?

Hi, this is Shauna and Sharice.

Shauna, Sharice, nice to meet you.

Ladies, this is Mr. Marin Payne.

Ooh! I always did like a little pain with my pleasure.

Uh, you know, Martin has his own...talk show?

- Mm-mm. - Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Uh-huh. We know who Martin is.

Oh, so, y'all like to watch?

Oh, yeah. Especially with the lights on.

So, Martin, what's a good-looking man like yourself

doing here all by himself?

Oh-ho-ho!

Oh-ho! Wait a minute, wait a minute, ladies.

I don't-I don't want y'all to get the wrong idea

but Old Marty-Mart, I'm married, yeah.

- So are we. - Uh-huh.

So, um, do you come to these kinds of parties often?

Oh, yeah. You know I party all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Every Friday and Saturday night.

I get my party on now.

Oh, then you ought to, you ought to fit in just fine.

'Cause, honey, everybody here knows how to have a...good time.

Uh-uh-uh, um..

Look, this is a real nice place you and Kevin have here.

Oh, well, Tommy, wait until you see the bedroom.

We've got mistletoe everywhere.

Come on, honey, I'll show it to you.

Oh w-w-w-wait, excuse me, uh..

You sure that's gonna be cool with Kevin?

Of course. He's probably back there already himself.

Oh. Alright, well, in that case, I guess it's alright then, huh?

- Unh! Mmm. - Psst.

- Excuse me, ladies. - Where're you going?

I know, but I say, "Excuse me, ladies."

Excuse me, where is the bar?

Lady, you don't need another drink.

I hope you didn't drive.

No, I took the night train.

And now I'm about to get into my Thunderbird

and s-s-slide on over here to the bar.

Damn! I guess everybody likes to party.

Oh, Martin, are you into...leather?

Oh, sure, yeah, as a matter of fact

I just bought this fly leather jacket last week.

It's kind of funky, you know. Yeah, yeah.

You're so funny.

You know, Martin, you should see all the wonderful toys

that Kevin and Allison have in their bedroom.

Oh, yeah? I wasn't aware that they had kids.

Hey, everybody! I'm about to hop in to the hot tub.

Anybody want to join me?

Oh! Oh!

Wait a minute! Oh! Oh!

What the hell's going on in here? Y'all some freaks?

I ain't with this old freaky-deaky stuff.

I'm out of here. Yo, Tommy?

Let's get the hell out of here, man!

- Woo-hoo! - Giddy-up! Giddy-up, baby!

What's up, y'all?

Tommy, what.. What the hell are you doing, man?

Put the women down, let's get the hell out of here, man.

No, no, no. We just got here, man.

You can't leave now. Martin, party's just getting started.

Hey, you got to loosen up, man!

Man, I'm tryin' to loosen up. I don't like this game.

- Let go, man! - Oh! Oh! Oh!

- 'Oh!' - Oh! Martin!

Gina, baby, this ain't what it..

Shoot it, get it all!

Man, look at.. This is just embarrassing, honey.

You're really lucky you didn't get fired over this.

Oh, no, no, Gina. I broke it down to my boss.

You know? And it's cool.

Check it out, they say I got a whole new audience

of freaky people.

- That's what they say. - Martin, you know what?

I really hope you never have the need to be with somebody else.

Gina, ain't no woman like the one I got.

And ain't no man like the one I got.

Give it to me.

In case you haven't seen it, your husband's a freakazoid.

Thank you, Pam. I've seen it.

Well, I'd rather be a freakazoid than a freak-a-nature.

Whatever, Little Daddy Kane.

Hey, you need me to take you down to the unemployment office?

'Cause you're gonna lose your job.

Why don't you just head back to the wilderness?

Hello?

Hello, Mama Payne.

Yes, we've seen the paper.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I'll tell him.

So, what's up, Gina? What mama say?

Uh, she said that

if I let another stank get next to you

she-she's just gonna cut me.

Well, at least she warned you, baby.

But, you know what, look, check it out, Gina.

We just gonna have to start hanging out with our

old friends, you know, people that we can trust, baby.

Oh, what a beautiful morning, dawg!

Good morning, Tommy.

Tommy, what the hell are you so happy about, man?

Well, Martin, I just sold our story

to all up in your "Business Weekly."

Wait a minute. Y-you sold me out for chicken change?

No, no. No, no, Martin. Come on, bro.

I wouldn't call $5000 chicken change.

They hooka-you-up with $5000?

I'm the one who took you to the party, man.

Oh, hell no. You gonna break me off a piece of that.

- Two-fifty, baby, right here! - Okay, alright.

Alright, alright. Martin, will you calm down, man?

Come on, man. It's me I'm your boy! Okay?

You know Big Tom is gonna break Marty-Mart off a piece!

Peace! Ha-ha-ha!

Uh, remember, uh, uh do what you do, alright.

- Alright. Okay. - Okay.

Oh, damn! My bad!

- Sorry. Damn. - Excuse me.

No, no, no. Alright, now, Tommy.

- Oh.. Go back. - What-what? Okay.

This is comedy. We got to be loose.

- Loosen up. - Alright.

Let me get out the cool.

Alright, let me separate. It's Marty Payne.

Alright, here we go.