Original subtitles

- Oh, my goodness. - No, please, don't!

If it ain't the two wild crew.

So what's up? What y'all got in the bags? Some bask?

I'll.. I've been cracking myself.

I-I-I don't care who laughs. I cracked myself out.

Sheneneh, um, has it ever occurred to you

to, eh, what's that, "Mind your business?"

Ah, ah, has it ever occurred to you

that I'll scatter your crooked teeth all up and down

in this hallway? Has it ever occurred to you?

Why don't you get out of my face?

She turned her back on me!

Please, I will handle her.

You better check her.

Excuse me, Sheneneh! Not today. Don't start--

Don't tell me what's not today.

No, not today!

Look, if you must know..

Okay, we just came back from the store getting a

few things, thank you.

- I feel things, ha. - Yeah.

But let me see what's in the bag.

You got diapers, bottle.. Somebody pregnant?

No, wrong again. I'm not pregnant, excuse me.

Well, it can't be her, then, have you spayed it?

- What? - What?

You now what, you just troubling me much too much.

I'll go straight down like that.

Alright. Sheneneh, look.

We don't have time for this, okay.

My cousin is coming to visit.

These things are for her baby. We got to go!

Well, that's good.

Because if your baby's hair was as big as yours, you'll be

in labor longer than you are pregnant!

Now, get out my face.

Oh, snitty snap.

G.I. Joe with the king-fu grip.

Oh, damn! Oh, sh..

- Hey, baby. - I didn't do nothing.

I didn't break nothing. It was like that when I got here.

Yeah, you did it.

But that's okay. I got plenty of toys for little Cameron.

- Oh, yeah? - 'Yeah.'

So what time your cousin done getting here, baby?

Ah, they should've been here by now.

But I can't believe Sharon had a baby.

I remember when she didn't even like boys.

- What? - Mm-hmm.

She was swinging like that back then?

No, Martin. What is wrong with you?

Nothing, I'm just saying..

Shh-shh, that's them.

Oh, my baby! Oh, my God.

'He is so cute!'

Look, Martin, you remember Sharon and Wesley, right.

Hi, what's up, Wes?

I see you got your little soulja with you, man.

Yeah! It's my pride and joy right there.

Girl, look at you, you don't even

look like you just had a baby.

What? You got your figure back already?

Girl, I think I got somebody else's figure, 'cause

these just kinda popped down when Cameron was born.

Gina, maybe we should make a baby

so your fun bags would pop out.

Pow! Shut up.

He's crazy. Y'all sit down.

Make yourself comfortable. I'll take this.

So what's up, Martin?

You thinking about putting a little bun in the oven?

Sure, my man. I'm thinking about putting nine or ten in there.

So they can do all the house work.

Excuse me, I'm not pushing out ten or nothing.

Ah, Martin will change his tune after he has one.

I love my child, bruh.

But I'm here to tell you

babies are a lot of work.

I'm a baby expert.

Lot of people don't know that.

I'm real good with them baby, check it out.

What's wrong with him?

Ah, nothing, Martin.

I-I think, he's, you know, handling his business.

Oh! Oh, that's why he turning red.

- Right. - Oh! Okay.

- Gina? - Yeah, baby.

How the hell Wesley and Sharon gonna do the

electric slide, there's only two of them, baby.

I don't know. I don't know.

Excuse me, Martin. Your friends have to pay for

scuffing up my hardwood floors.

This is a restaurant, not a damn discotheque.

Man, as if you ain't scuffed up the floor too, please.

It'll be alright, Nyp.

- Whoo-hoo! - Ha-ha.

- Y'all missing it. - We were tearing it up.

- Alright. - Yeah.

Oh, there you go.

Why don't y'all...slide back out there on the

floor before someone see y'all talking to us.

Martin, you don't understand.

This is the first time we've been out since we had Cameron.

As a matter of fact, bruh, I've been wanting to take Sharon

to Canada, on our second honeymoon.

She won't let Cameron out of her sight.

It's hard to find a baby sitter you could trust.

You can trust us.

We'll watch the baby.

We-we will?

Yeah, baby, it's all good.

Because it's good practice for us.

You know what I mean, holding the baby.

Martin, I don't know.

Cameron's still young. He needs me.

But, baby...daddy needs you too.

Well, alright.

I guess it'll be okay just for the weekend.

Well, alright!

Let's get down. Get funky and get loose, baby.

- Aah. - Whoo!

- Enjoy. - Alright, get a loose.

Martin, are you sure about this baby?

I mean, taking care of a baby is, it ain't no joke, honey.

Baby, don't worry about it. It's all good.

Kids love Marty Mart.

You know, Marty Mart love the kids.

Alright, Marty Mart. You handle this.

Oh, oh, whoo! Bucking already. Go ahead..

Alright, Martin. You tested on you wrist, right?

Yeah, baby. But I forgot, does he need a straw

or can he drink is straight out the bottle like 40?

Very funny, Martin.

I just wanna make sure we follow all of Sharon's instruction.

Now, did you sterilize a nipple?

Baby, you know I am a expert in that area, girl.

You are nasty.

- But I, I'm a-- - Not in front of the baby.

Oh!

Oh, Martin. Look at him.

Isn't he cute?

Oh, Martin, I am so glad you

offered to take care of little Cameron.

- This is fun, honey. - Yeah.

Yeah, you know what, I need to put on

his little PJs before he goes to bed.

Check these out.

Aren't these cute?

Oh, Gina.

Not, no kiddie-kiddie, no.

Gina, he ain't trying to be cute.

He trying to fly like his Uncle Martin.

That's why I brought him these pajamas.

Player of the Year pajamas.

Nah! He is not wearing those, no!

Gina, why you wanna be a player hater?

Come on.

Martin, would you just please check Sharon's list

to make sure we got everything?

Baby, we don't need no list.

Everything is smooth.

Plus, the baby ain't cried one time all day.

Get that, baby.

Hello!

Hey, Wesley, what's happening, man?

No, everything's cool.

Ah, alright then. Okay, we'll see you there.

Alright, later.

What happened?

There was blizzard up in Canada.

Sharon and Wesley got snowed in.

- What? - Yeah.

Well, when are they gonna be back?

He said it could be a couple of days.

But, look, I told him don't trip.

- Cameron ain't no problem. - That's right.

Oh, damn.

Martin!

Martin, wake up. The baby is crying again.

I got the baby, Gina. I got the baby.

Martin, wha-what are you doing?

Excuse me, excuse me.

He's probably tired.

Well, he should be. He kept us up all night.

Gina, we should be the ones crying.

Look, all he needed was his little pacifier.

Now, if he cries again, Martin, make sure he's not wet.

If that doesn't work, make sure he's not hungry.

Hold up, Gina. Why are you telling me?

- Where are you going? - I got to go to work.

Say what?

Martin, you heard me. I got to go to work.

Who-who-who gonna watch the baby, Gina?

You are. You're the one with day-off, Mr. Baby Expert.

Gina, I'm telling you, I don't know if I agree with this, Gina.

Damn, baby.

Hi, good morning.

You look terrible as usual.

How come I just woke up

but you're the one with morning breath?

Let it alone. Just leave it alone.

- The baby! - Shh, Pam.

Oh, Martin, you know what, that is so sweet

you let the baby sleep in your bed.

Gina, come on, we're gonna run late for work.

Alright, alright. Martin, here.

Here are the baby wipes.

The formula, the ointment for the diaper rash.

Put on his boo-boo.

Gina, what am I supposed to do with all this?

Hmm, figure it out.

I mean, you were a baby once. You just never grew.

Honey, don't pay her no mind.

Baby, alright, now, if you have any problems

just call me at work. I'll walk you through it, okay? Bye.

Have a nice day, loser!

Oh! Now, come on, baby.

I know you gotta be tired of crying

'cause I'm tired of listening. Come on, now.

- Hey, Marty Mart. - What's up, man?

Hey, what's up, y'all?

I need some help with this baby, man.

You had a baby?

Oh, congratulations, man.

Gina didn't look pregnant yesterday.

Cole, I'm not in the mood, man. I'm really not in the mood.

This is Gina's little cousin, Cameron.

Hey, w-what's wrong with him?

I don't know, man. He won't eat.

He won't stop crying, I don't know what to do.

Well, let me see.

Little fellow there. Hey-hey, how you doing, man?

What's up, little soldier?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What's this stuff coming out of his mouth?

Ah, that's just baby juices, man. That's all it is.

If his head started spinning like

little girl in the "Exorcist," I'm gonna have to bounce.

Hey, Martin, little fellow, he carrying a full load here, man.

Hey-hey, Cole, give me a diaper.

Oh, okay. Where he at?

Hey, Tommy, you wanna look man. There ain't no left.

Okay, alright. Don't nobody panic.

We gonna.. We all have to make up the diaper.

How about a newspaper?

He ain't no puppy, man.

Hey, Martin, you-you have any cloth napkins?

Ah, cabin, third drawer. Third drawer.

Okay, just wait..

Alright, got 'em.

- Here we go. - Alright.

Alright, Tommy, now, you get in there and change the diaper.

Me? Wh-wh-why I have to do it?

Because you're the tallest man.

About-about time a smell get to you, you'd be gone.

We gonna get you, chubby little fella.

Good, here, Martin. Here take this, man.

Come on, man, take it.

Hold on, hold on.

Okay, now ready for the new diaper.

Okay, right here.

Here we go.

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.

Almost got me there. Little long-winded, eh?

Look like he trying to give you a baby shower.

Ha! There we go.

You-you know what, maybe he is hungry.

Check it out, I'm gonna put some burgers on the grill.

Cole, he don't have any teeth, man.

'Maybe we should tell him a bed time story.'

Alright, I-I-I got.. I'm a make one up. I got a make one up.

- Be careful with him. - I got the baby, man

Okay, alright, I-I cradled the baby, okay.

Alright, now..

Once upon a time

there were three bears.

Mama bear, Papa bear and the meanest bear of 'em all.

Pam bear!

Now, she was a mean old grizzly.

Hey, hey, look, I got an idea.

Why don't you sing him an alibi?

That's lullaby, fool!

But it's a good idea, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo-yo, sing him, sing him

lullaby and goodnight.

That's what mom sang to me last night.

Now, Tommy, you do the vocals, man.

- Ha-ha-handle him. - Here we go, little fella.

Okay, alright, oh, don't cradle him.

Alright, alright, I got it.

- Shh, Tommy, Tommy. - What? What? What? What? What?

I think it worked, man. He is sleeping.

So is Cole.

Cole!

Man, wake up. The baby is asleep, Cole.

Cool, cool, cool, ahem, cool, cool!

Now, we gonna watch the game in peace.

Cole, what you doing? Man, get..

The baby's trying to sleep.

What the hell is wrong with you, Cole?

Alright, alright, Martin. Calm down, calm down.

Look, guys, there are three of us and only one baby.

Yeah, but this baby is whopping our ass.

You right about that.

You know what, maybe he misses his mother.

I think what we need is a women's touch.

I got an idea.

What the hell is wrong with you

knocking on the door when my man is here, what?

My bad, my bad, okay? I'm sorry.

You know what, you lucky Lafaanz is asleep.

If he had came in this door and saw you, he'd whooped you

in the thick ass, now what is it?

Sure, that, sure, that. I'm sorry.

Look, I'm gonna make it quick there, alright?

Now, look, me and the fellas

we're over here baby sittin', right?

We can't get this baby to stop crying.

What's the matter? Why can't you just get Gina

and her little sidekick server? What's the problem?

Sheneneh, they are both at work, okay?

You the only other woman we could trust.

- Well, I am a lady. - Yeah, yeah.

And I do love the baby.

So I guess I could help out for a minute.

But it better not be not stupid, Cole. Ah-ha-ha.

Sheneneh, you know me. I don't do anything stupid.

Just want you to come over here and breastfeed the baby.

You know what, Cole?

I'm about to go ahead and get Lafaanz's MAC-10.

And if you still standin' here, you're gonna be full of

more holes than a fish net.

Wait right here with your stupid request.

Lafaanz!

Come on, Little Cameron.

It's Uncle Martin speaking.

You have to chill with all that crying, now.

- Tommy! - What-what?

- Did you just see that? - No, what happened?

Baby gave me the finger.

Dang, y'all didn't get baby stop crying, yet?

Wait a minute, I know you're not complaining.

You are the one who got him to cry in the first place.

Me? No, I wish Martin would never invited me over here.

I wish I'd never invited you over here either, Cole.

Y'all..

Y'all gonna have to be quiet if y'all wanna baby to stay sleep.

Oh, Brother Man.

When did you get here, man?

While y'all was arguing.

Somebody had to look out for little brother.

Well, how did you get him go to sleep so fast?

I just...picked him up!

And held him close to my heart.

Oh. Well, since you're good with baby

why don't you watch him so we can get some sleep?

- That's a good idea. - Oh, man.

Alright, I'll just...rack him like my mom used to do me

when I was a breastfed child running wild.

Now, you a corn-fed freeloader with an otter.

Oh! Oh, man.

Cool. Baby's still asleep.

No crying..

- Oh, damn, Tommy, Cole. - What? What?

The baby's gone, man.

Martin, he probably just went in for a little walk.

Cole, the baby is six months old. He can't walk.

You right, Tommy. He probably just rolling.

Man, y'all gotta help me find this baby, man.

Hey, Cameron, Cameron.

Where are you, boy? Cameron!

Hold on, hold on, hold on, wait a minute, guys, hold on.

Who had the baby last?

Brother Man!

And you know what, you're right.

He probably took Cameron upstairs to the fifth floor.

I'mma go get him.

I'll be back.

I'm tell, I'm telling you, he probably went for a walk.

Gina, what-what are you doing here?

I live here, Tommy. What are you doing here?

Well, nothing. Just helping Martin with the baby.

- Baby. - Yeah, the baby.

Aww, that is so nice of you guys.

Thank you.

Where's Cameron?

- At Brother Man's. - I don't know.

Wait a minute. Which is it gonna be?

You don't know? Or he is at Brother Man?

- I don't know. - He's at Brother Man's.

Alright, don't play with me.

Where is Cameron?

Gina, don't panic, okay? Please.

I'm sure Martin's gonna walk in any second with the baby.

Oh, my God. Thank God.

Cameron, you're alright. Thank God you're al--

That's all? You just gonna snatch the baby?

That's why I don't like y'all.

'Cause y'all don't know how to speak.

- Oh, sorry. Hi, Sheneneh. - Now, get a fly!

Sheneneh, what are you doing with the baby?

Well, the Three Stooges over there fell asleep.

And the baby was crying all night

like he had saw you without makeup.

So I came over here and I got the baby

and I held the baby close to my heart.

Well, thank you, Sheneneh. That was very, very thoughtful of you

but next time do you think you can leave me a note?

You see, that's why I don't do nothing for nobody.

Because your attitude is straight up stink.

Bye, baby!

Just..

You left the baby with Sheneneh?

What were you thinking?

Where is Martin?

Gina, come on now, Martin's not here

but I'm sure he'll back any minute.

This better be him. This better be Martin!

Martin, I--

- Hi! - Hi!

Oh, hi, sweetie.

Oh, mommy missed you so much.

Oh, my goodness, you're wet.

Oh, let me take you in the back and change it.

What kinda diaper is this?

That from the Motherland.

Right!

Well, I'm glad you guys made it back safely.

We got back as fast as we could.

Cameron didn't give you any trouble, didn't he?

Oh, no, no, man. Cameron was no trouble at all..

...like he wasn't even here.

Martin, man, what's up?

Ah, what's-what's happening, man?

Ah-ah..

Did you-did you tell him what happened?

No, no, no, I didn't tell him. There's nothing to tell.

Well, look, uh, I'm just gonna be mad about this.

I'm just gonna come out.

And you know, I'll be straight with you, man.

- Ah, Cameron-- - Baby, baby, baby..

Cameron is right here in this apartment.

And he's best little baby I've ever seen in my life!

Maybe you can watch him again for us some time?

Anytime! Anytime.

We'll call you.

Alright, well, come on, baby, let's pack up

so Martin and Gina can get some rest.

- Thank you. - Yeah, word. Yeah, word.

Baby, when..

If you know this, the rest of your herd just left.

If you giddy up, you can catch her.

I'm not trying to get into a small-tication with you.

Wow, Martin, after all of this, do you

think you're ready to start a family, baby?

Nah, nah, Gina.

Hell no!

- But you know what? - What?

It ain't gonna stop us from practicing.

Not in front of the teddy!

Damn, the teddy.