Original subtitles

Baby, you popping the hell out of that popcorn.

Gina, don't forget the hot sauce, baby.

Martin, hot sauce on popcorn? Ugh!

That's right, Gina, brothers put hot sauce on everything.

Shoo, pieces, salads.

Shoo, girl, I'd put hot sauce on you if you let me.

Saabesa-saabesa-spa.

- You know what? - Yeah.

I don't need any hot sauce

'cause my husband heats me up enough.. Yeah.

You know that's right, girl. And you know that's right.

- Honey.. Baby? - Yeah.

Why the hell are we eating popcorn out of skillet?

Because, Martin, the sink is full of some crusty-dusty dishes

that you said that you are gonna wash.

- Right, right, right, right. - Right, right, right.

- I did say that, right? - Yes.

Well, don't worry, I'll bust the suss

right after this movie goes off.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

And what are you watching?

"Roots."

Should be off in about three weeks, babe.

Martin, don't even try it.

You are washing those dishes tonight, man.

- Baby, come-- - Oh, no.

Just turn on the movie, so I could watch it too.

Alright, babe, well, look.

Alright, I would if I could find the daggone remote, Gina.

I don't know where it is.

Martin, we have got to do

something about this messy apartment.

Yeah, you're damn right. We-we got to do something about this.

- You know what? - What?

Just last night, I saw a plate

jump in the sink and rinse itself off, baby.

Plate was all up in here.

Oh, you can chill, we can make another bed, Gina.

Ain't gonna be no more house work for us, baby.

I came up with the bomb idea, Gina.

Baby, I bet mine is better.

Hold that thought, look. I made us a cleanup chart.

Just check the day and it tells you what to do.

Gina, I ain't tryin' to see no chart.

Baby, I ain't doing jack.

Girl, I've been working hard all day.

And you know, I've been saving all my

extra energy for you, girl.

Yeah, well, we have been a little busy being newlyweds.

We haven't had much time for housework.

- Right, right. - Mm.

Well, don't-don't, don't worry, baby

I came up with a way to handle it

a way that it won't cost us a dime, Gina.

Mm, that sounds good to me.

Cool, then I'd get mama on phone

right now and let her know.

Hey! Oh, no, no.

No, Martin, you know that woman can't stand me.

Oh, Gina, that's not true. Baby, you family now.

Mama loves you. She just don't like you.

No, Martin, I'm sorry. It's not going down like that.

You can forget that.

Gina, baby, we got to do something.

Alright, I got an idea. What about a housekeeper?

I know we could get somebody for about $30, $40 a week.

Cool. Alright, that's cool.

'Cause, you know, that plate that jumped

in the sink last night?

Yeah.

I just saw it running to the bathroom.

Hey.

- Hey, what's up, man? - What's up, man?

- What's up, Marty Mar? - Brother, what's up?

Whoa, man, your appointment look like a whole new place.

- Word! - I didn't know y'all moved.

Well, uh, me and Gina needed a little help

around here cleaning, so we hired ourselves a housekeeper.

Okay, okay, got yourself some old lady to help you

clean up the joint, huh?

You know, something like that.

Ebony, can I see you for a minute, babe?

Yes, Mr. Payne?

- Uh-- - Oh, my damn.

Uh, before you leave, can you clean up on top of refrigerator?

I was just about to do that.

Appreciate it.

Where'd you find her?

Uh, I called up the PYT Housekeeping Services

and they sent her right over.

Yeah, well, she's fine, dawg.

Lord, I wish she had a sister.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Damn. What?

Is that easy? Ahem.

Excuse me. Lord, I wish I had a million dollars, whoo!

And, Cole, Tommy, I'd like you to meet Ebony and Essence.

Well, how you doing, Ebony? How you doing, Essence?

Alright, what's your brother name is, Jet?

Eh, come on now. Ebony, Essence, Jet.

I'm gonna be standing right over here.

Hello, ladies. Hi, I'm Thomas.

And I'm a Virgo.

Six foot four, just so happens that I'm--

Jobless, Tommy.

Tell them what the truth is, you're jobless.

Hey, Tommy, Tommy, check this out. Check this out.

Oops, I've made a mess. Oh, my.

Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh!

Hey, uh, ladies, ladies, he's not a part of this house.

D-don't you have something y'all can clean in the bedroom?

Right away, Mr. Payne.

That goes double for me, Mr. Payne.

Right. Right on. Right on.

Yeah.

Uh, huh!

Damn, she look like a fine set of bookends, boy. Whoo!

Man, I don't care how they look.

As long as they get the job done, that's all I care, man.

Yeah, he got a point there.

But it don't hurt that they find out.

Hey. Wow!

Baby, I've never seen this place look so clean.

The housekeeper you hired did a great job.

Well, we're all done, Mr. Payne.

Too bad they can't stay.

Whoa, Gina, Gina, why not?

We have so much housework to do, baby, I had to had hire two.

Martin, you've had your fun, but those two, they gotta run.

Tommy, Cole, show's over, let's go.

Whoa, Gina, Gina, baby, why you..

Why you wanna be like that, Gina?

You said it yourself, baby, they can clean.

Oh, yeah, they can clean, they just can't clean here.

Okay, alright, look, look, we can compromise if this, okay?

Alright, let's keep one.

Martin, just one, just one.

Save your breath, sister, we know the routine.

This happens all the time. The men hire us.

Then the women fire us.

Uh-uh-uh, look-look here, ladies.

Er, you know, it just so happen

I got a house that need a lil' cleanin'.

Right, you ain't got no job. Look here.

Me and Martin's, right, we get paid twice a month

once on the 1st and again on the 15th, you know what I mean?

No, no, look, look, wait. About that job..

I really do have employment.

Alright, ha-ha, listen girl..

Alright, I know what you're thinking, baby.

I didn't notice how fly they were.

I see what's happening. I have to do this.

I'm going to hire the housekeeper, Martin.

- Miss Payne. - Yeah.

After I vacuumed, is there anything else you might need?

No, Apollo, thank you. That'd be fine.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait.

There is one thing you could do for me, though.

What's that?

Can you do that funny little thing

with your chest again?

What? This?

'Oh, my God, Gina.'

- Keep it going. - Pam. Uh, Pam. Pam.

I don't think that's part of the man's job description.

Can you let him finish vacuuming, please?

Well, can I just have a little pleasure?

'What is wrong with you, girl. I mean--'

Whoo! You know what, Apollo, you are so strong.

Gina?

Baby, what the hell is going on up here?

Martin, I want you to meet our new housekeeper.

This is Apollo.

Good evening.

Can I get your slipper, sir?

No, but you can get the hell out.

And you can get your little brother back his shirt.

Martin. Martin, come on here.

Get your.. Get over here.

Is there problem, big boy?

Now, Martin, I know you don't have a problem

with the cleaning around here because the place is spotless

just like when the twins did it.

And, baby, you had a problem with the twins

and I got a problem with big ass Benson.

Excuse me, lil' brother. My name ain't Benson.

My name is Apollo.

Well, why don't you make like your name is water

and get to run in, huh?

Oh, Apollo, please don't pay him any mind.

He's just jealous 'cause one of your arms

weighs more than his tiny lil' body.

Yeah, yeah, well, since you like him so much

why don't you let him clean out your cave?

That's not a bad idea 'cause my apartment needs a

little cleaning, anyway.

I like that.

Yeah.

Alright. Alright, alright, Martin, look, fine.

We both agree that we need a housekeeper, right?

Okay. Well, why don't we just call an agency?

- I'm with that, okay? - Fine.

Uh, excuse me.

Um, since me and Apollo are gonna be back in my apartment

and, you know, doing some work.

I was wondering if I could borrow your mop

and your, um, your handcuffs.

Oh, baby, could you get that?

Oh, Gina, we done seeing half the housekeepers in Detroit.

Baby, just tell 'em we ain't hiring no more.

- Alright, alright. Ugh. - 'Okay.'

I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming.

Hi.

Hi, sweet babies. I'm Miss Minnie.

I understand y'all looking for housekeeper.

Uh, well, I think you're looking for apartment 227.

Nah, I don't work there no more.

Oh, yeah, the Jeffersons?

I'm sorry. They're not here. They moved on up.

No, sweetheart, I'm looking for the Paynes.

Oh, well, that's us.

We were looking for housekeepers

but we changed our mind.

Yes. Thank you very much. Go--

Oh, now that's too bad.

Because I would have loved working for such a fine couple.

- My, my, my you're handsome. - 'Yeah?'

You ain't in the movies, are you?

No, I'm not in the movies.

You ought to be.

You know, a lot of people tell me that--

Oh, jeez.

That's right. Alright.

Um-um-um, you got good taste and all, but let me ask you

do you have any experience?

Experience? Child, I raised three babies.

I wash windows. I do dishes.

And I scrub toilets like you wouldn't believe.

- You-you're hired. - You're hired.

Well, there's just one little thing.

I need y'all to sign this paper for the agency.

- Oh, I'll do it. - Okay.

Yeah. I need a key, and I'll see y'all in the morning.

Okay, well, here's the key. And here's your payment.

- Thank you. - So delightful.

Y'all so sweet.

- Oh.. - Ah, and you.. Oh!

And you give out sugar too.

Oh, this is gonna be beautiful.

I'll see y'all first thing in the morning.

- Okay. - Oh, uh..

- Martin. - Baby.

I'm so happy we finally found somebody

to help us out around here.

That's right, Gina.

Baby, we ain't gonna have to do no more housework.

And we can stand in bed all day long if we want to.

Come on, lazy bones!

Whoa! Whoa!

It's30 in the morning, and y'all in my way.

Now I'm already way behind schedule.

So come on, now get up.

Well, what the hell?

I mean, Miss Minnie, are you out of your mind?

Now you watch your mouth, young man.

You paid me to do a job.

And like the contract says, for the next three months

I'm gonna do that job.

So, get you lazy butts up.

Three months!

Martin, what are we doing?

I don't know, Gina, you're the one who signed

the contract, college graduate.

Ah, good morning, Miss Minnie.

Morning? It's almost 8 o'clock.

I thought y'all was never gonna get up.

Now I made some breakfast for you and your pretty wife

so eat it, enjoy it, and get out.

You ain't got to be so pushy.

Can I at least get a drink of water, first?

There's a glass of juice on the table.

You're not dirtying up my glasses

so if you want some water, duck your head under the faucet.

Alright, Miss Minnie.

Uh, well, look, have you seen

my autograph Pistons' jersey?

I wanna have it framed.

You talking about that dirty shirt with the basketball

and all that writing on it?

What do you mean dirty?

Oh, don't worry, child. It's not dirty no more.

I cleaned it up. I got all that nasty ink off of that.

The nerve of those children putting

that graffiti on your shirt.

Now, I know-I know damn well you didn't wash my..

...my autographed Grant Hill..

Oh!

Oh!

Damn!

I sure did. Don't know Grant Hill live here.

And you watch your mouth, 'cause not only do I wash

dirty windows, I wash dirty mouths too.

Don't you test me.

- Good morning. - Good morning, sweetie.

What is.. What?

Martin..

Baby, what is wrong with you?

Baby, look what she did to my

autographed Grant Hill jersey, Gina?

Baby, who is this supposed to fit, our little son?

Ooh, baby.

Baby, she just probably made an honest mistake, honey

she's just trying to do her job.

Gina, something is up with Miss Minnie.

I don't know about her, I'm telling you, Gina.

Hey, you're overreacting, Martin.

Look, she did a great job with my blouse.

Ah! No!

Not my Donna Karen, Martin. My Donna Karen blouse!

Well, baby, she probably thought it was Pam and had it branded

that's the only thing I could--

That is not funny, Martin.

Okay, you know, you right, y-you right.

Look, we just gonna have to put our foot down with Miss Minnie.

Let her know this is our house. We run this.

Yeah.

Oh, hi, babies.

Did y'all eat that healthy breakfast that I made for you?

No, Miss Minnie, me and Martin were thinking about

going out for breakfast to IHOP.

Y'all better hop your butts over to that table and eat that

breakfast I fixed for you.

You know stewed prunes and okra will keep you on the regular.

Oh! Oh!

Miss Minnie, stoop.

Yeah, and keep incense burning on a regular too.

Look, Miss Minnie, we got to talk, okay?

Yeah, Miss Minnie, look.

We think that you're taking your job a little bit too seriously.

What do you mean, sugar?

Well, w-what we saying is we hired you to clean our house

not-not feed us prunes, and jack up our clothes

and wake us up at the crack of dawn, Miss Minnie.

That's what I get for tryin' to do a good job.

See what you did!

No, no, Miss Minnie, don't you..

- What's wrong with you, Martin? - She-she just broke out crying.

I only had three more months

to go to pay for my gallstones operation.

Oh, no, no, don't, Miss Minnie, don't cry.

We're not saying that you're fired.

Yeah, we just saying that you ain't got to come back no more.

Martin! Martin!

I mean, I mean, you ain't got to come back no more

until you finished in the bedroom.

- Right. - Something like..

Oh, y'all so sweet.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, you're the, you're the sweet one.

Y'all some precious babies.

- Oh, Miss Minnie. - Oh..

I guess we just got to get used to her.

She is really a sweet, sweet woman.

Who the hell left the top off the toothpaste?

Gina. Boo, I'm home.

What are you doin'?

You know you just can't throw your bag on the couch like that.

You know Miss Minnie don't play that.

You know that!

Hey, hey, Gina, this is my couch in my living room

and I do what I damn well please.

She ain't here, is she?

No. She's not here.

She went down to the laundromat

but she'd be back up here in a minute.

Baby, what's up with the plastic bags on your feet?

Martin, she told me, if I scuffed up her floors

or if I left any fingerprints, it was my ass.

Alright-alright, baby, look, she just tripping, okay?

Now-now look, let's just relax, eat some dinner in our nice

clean house, okay, baby?

- Now what'd you cook? - Nothing.

I ain't going in there touching anything in that kitchen.

You're gonna do it?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, Gina.

If we wanna eat in our kitchen in our house

then I'm gonna take my wife down to Nipsey's.

- Okay. - Come on, baby.

Let's get on out of here

before she get back. Let's run, come on.

'Hey, hey, what's going on, y'all?'

Hey, hey.

What's the matter with y'all?

Y'all seem a little down.

It's our housekeeper, man

she's wearing us out.

Why? Isn't she cleaning?

Cleaning isn't the problem, Pam.

Check this out. You know what she did?

She put an iron to my Donna Karen, girl, my blouse.

No, no. Not Donna.

Sounds like y'all got the housekeeper from hell.

She ain't no housekeeper, man, she's a warden.

One minute she nice and sweet as hell.

And she just be straight up bugging, man.

Well, shoot y'all better hide the hammers

and watch your ankles, man.

Then she start flipping like baby in misery.

Don't say that, Cole.

Martin Payne? Are you out of your mind?

Hey, hey, we chillin', Miss Minnie, what do you want?

I'll tell you what I don't want.

I don't want your funky shoes

in the middle of my clean living room.

You came all the way down here just to tell us that.

I sure did.

Because if I let you get away with this

you'll be plucking my nerves every chance you get.

And ultimately, we'll have a bad relationship.

You get my drift? Work it out.

Oh, snap! Miss Minnie ain't no joke.

Well, let's see if she tell a jokes in unemployment line.

I'm going to handle my business.

What the he.. Oh, damn, Gina.

She done zip lock our whole apartment, baby!

Hi, babies.

M-Miss Minnie, what's up with all the plastic?

You're trying to smother our furniture?

Well, since y'all insist on sitting on it

and let every Tom, Dick, and Harry sit on it

that's the only way I can keep it clean when I'm gone.

Look, Miss Minnie, we have something we have to tell you.

Martin, tell her what's on your mind, baby.

Look, alright, Miss Minnie, um--

Oh, let me tell you what happened today.

Some old woman come by here with the hardest butt biscuits

I ever tasted, almost chipped Miss Minnie's tooth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, not my mama biscuits.

Where are my mama biscuits, Miss Minnie.

In the trash can where they belong.

Ooh, you in trouble.

Well, Miss Minnie didn't want to have

babies cracking their teeth.

Now brace yourself 'cause I got something

I've been trying to tell you all day.

Yeah?

Say what you got to say, Miss Minnie

'cause I got some I want to get off my chest too.

Well, I'm sorry to tell y'all this, but I'm leaving.

This is Miss Minnie's last day.

What?

Wait a minute, you can't quit.

I was about to fire you.

You so funny.

But I'm serious, children.

Miss Minnie done hit the lottery.

And I ain't cleaning up for nobody no more.

That's great. Congratulations!

Now you can get your gallstones fixed and everything.

But before I go, I got a little something for you.

Miss Minnie have been blessed, and I believe

in passing the blessing on.

Oh, Miss Minnie. Oh.

Oh, Miss Minnie, you know, you just gonna give us

some money after all, you know, work with us, and everything.

Five dollars?

Oops, Miss Minnie made a little boo-boo.

Oh, I thought it was five..

Oh, we thought you was just gonna give us five dollars.

Here you go, sweetie.

- Thank you. - Oh.

Now y'all take care of yourself.

Bye-bye, babies. So precious.

- Oh, can you believe that? - Hey, ain't she something?

- She is something else. - Ain't she something?

I can't believe we were gonna fire her.

I'm gonna tell you. Miss Minnie is alright with me.

Plus she gonna leave us a little money, a little change.

Baby, she left us a check.

- Oh! - Oh, Gina.

For a dollar?

- No-no-no, hell no, Gina. - Baby.

Miss Minnie's gonna pay me for my Grant Hill jersey. Damn..