Original subtitles

All this stuff!

No. Stay about there, Martin. I don't need any help packing.

- Thanks. - Well, good, baby.

'Cause I don't need no help chillin'.

Oh, come on, Martin, I know you're not still mad at me

about going to my office masquerade party.

- Are you? - Damn right, Gina.

'Cause I ain't trying to get caught at no bougee

costume party, baby.

Excuse me. But the people at my job are not bougee.

You're right, they not bougee. They're corny, that lot!

Whatever. Did you get the costumes like I asked you?

Got that. Got that, baby. Check it out.

Alright. Right here.

- Ah. Yeah. - 'Oh, man.'

- Okay, right here. - 'Whoa!'

- Okay. - Martin!

- Be right there. - What is this?

That's your half of the costume, Gina.

We're goin' as Pam.

Gina, you better come

before I change my mind about going, baby.

Okay, baby, okay.. No, baby, don't close it.

I got few more things to put in there.

Oh. No, Gina. No. Whatcha got in here?

- A overweight Oprah loss? - Martin.

Oh, one more pair of pumps.

- Gotta get these. What? - Gina.

Baby, we're only staying overnight.

Oh, so, you don't want me to bring those red pumps, do you?

Rarh!

Girl, you better get them red pumps.

- Mm-hm. - Bring the handcuffs too.

- Cling-clang! Cling-clang! - Uh-uh!

Oh, man.

- Marty Mart. - Ohh!

- Wassup, man? - Wassup, man?

Big dog!

Wassup? What y'all all fly for?

'Cause we goin' out tonight, dawg!

- There you go. - Break down.

Yeah, there is a new club openin' up, man.

- And we in there. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

We goin' to this new slammin' spot called Club Shiznit.

There you go. Oh, wait, hold on, Martin.

You better get to rolling, man

or y'all gonna be late for your party.

- Yo, how far you gotta drive? - It's about three hours away.

Ah, we're staying overnight, but we'll be back in the morning.

Oh, that's sounds like fun. What you call us over here for?

Ah, s-sit down. Gra-grab a seat.

Ah. Well, look.

Sunday is me and Gina's six month anniversary.

- 'Aww.' - And I wanna get her a gift.

- You know, surprise her. - Oh, whatcha gonna do for her?

- Give a divorce? - No, man.

Look..

Her grandmother gave her these earrings

I wanna put some diamonds in 'em.

You know, surprise her with the cling-bling.

- Oh. I taught you well, dawg. - Yeah.

- Taught you well. - Get outta here.

Look, when you gonna give 'em to her?

Ah. Well, I was thinkin' about giving to her in the morning.

But I don't have time to pick 'em up.

- Yeah. - Boom, look. No problem.

The jewellry store is right around my way.

I'll go by, pick 'em up.

Have 'em waitin' for you on your coffee table. Whap!

Not that I got nothing against you, 'cause you cool.

You know what I mean? You're my boy. Oh, you are.

But, ah, I was considering Tom.

Y-y-yeah, yeah. You gonna choose unemployment Floyd over me?

Okay, alright, I'll tell you what, guys..

I will go with him, make sure he gets 'em and have 'em

back in this apartment by morning, okay?

- You serious, man? - 'Come on, man.'

Alright, don't play with the earrings, man.

Trust me, man. You won't regret this, Martin.

- Alright. This the receipt? - Yeah.

Okay, look. I'll get that necklace for you.

No, man! See-see, already you messin' up.

It's not a necklace. Earrings, Cole. Earrings.

Okay, alright. Damn! Can't a brother make a joke?

I'm sorry. I realize the severity of this.

I'll get you that bracelet.

No. I'll-I-I'll get it. I'll get it.

I'm tellin' you. If he messes it up..

All in!

Damn!

Cole. What kinda place you got me in, man?

- A gambling shack? - That's right, big Tom.

This is Club Shiznit.

What game you wanna play first?

Cole, please. I'm not a gambling man.

That's too bad because I'm gonna play me some craps, dawg.

Oh, y-y-you didn't, you didn't say they had craps now, dawg.

- Right over there. - Okay.

Cole, Cole, Cole, but look here.

Make sure you-you have Gina's earrings in a safe place.

'Cause some of these people in here don't look too cool.

Don't even worry about that, Tommy.

I got 'em safely tucked away in my sock.

Alright. Alright, cool.

Come on, seven. Take a sister to heaven. Hm-hm.

Ah! Ah!

Dang! Sorry y'all.

Pam, what're you doin' here?

Losing all my money. Come here, Tommy.

Oh, see. You miss big papa, don't you, huh?

No, I just want to rub that dome for good luck.

Hey, Pam, how you find out about this spot?

Oh, you know what, me and the owner, we go way back.

Yeah, yeah, he invited me personally.

- Oh, word? Who is he? - Uh-huh.

Ah! Ah!

I think Jerome's in the house!

I think Jerome's in the house!

Oh-ah-oh!

Watch your mouth!

Welcome all. I just want to thank you all for comin'.

Wanna welcome everybody to Club Shiznit!

What's happenin'? You alright, man?

Good to see you. I throw you down in last month, didn't I?

How y'all doin'? Spend your money, work your money.

Wait a minute.

Couple of damn squares in the atmosphere!

Who the hell you do to get in here?

- Look, look, Jerome. - What?

We came in to enjoy ourselves like everybody else, man.

Tommy, please, just forget him.

Let's go, let's go play the roulette wheel.

Yeah, play the roulette wheel. Y'all do that.

Play the damn roulette wheel

and spend your money like you folks do in Shiznit.

What's happenin', junk in the trunk?

How you doin' there?

Go pull up a little slop on you.

Let me get that off of you, girl.

Tellin', you taste good, girl.

You don't need no butter, nothin' on you.

- Jerome. These dices are funny. - Yeah, baby?

They have nothin' but sixes and threes on 'em.

- Say what? What the hell! - Yeah. Look at that.

Say, Mack, come here. Let me holler at you.

- Handle that. - I don't even believe this.

I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. Look, I told you.

Whatever she spend, she wins.

I'm tryin' to get up in 'em skin!

Thank you, darlin'. Thank you.

How much you think them drinks cost?

Cole, this is a casino, man.

As long as you gambling, there're drinks free all night.

- Word? - Yeah.

Well, in that case. I'mma take 'em all. Excuse me!

Come back, see me in 15 minutes.

Wassup, sweetheart? Lookie here, sweet thing.

Coley Cole brought you a little somethin' to sip on.

Yeah.

That's your..

That's your kinda woman, ah, Cole?

Sure, you right. Sure, you right.

You know, I had to get them digits for tonight

over with, don't you?

Yeah.

Oh, man! It's red! I'm dead! I lose again.

Is there a problem here, Devon?

You know what, Jerome?

This club is as crooked as your teeth, man.

- What? - Come on, Cole.

Let's get outta here. It's late.

No, man. I ain't ready to break out yet, alright?

If I win three more times, that pacer will be paid in full.

I-I tell you what, rock.

Why don't you try your luck over at the black-a-jack table?

Yeah, see, the black-a-jack make you get high.

You might win a load of money. Enjoy yourselves or whatever.

If he wins, follow him home.

'Cause the only winner at Club Shiznit is Jerome.

Are you with me? Okay.

Okay. I'mma double my bet. Okay.

Not now, Jerome, please. Not now. I'm-I'm on a roll.

Hah-hah! 21, blackjack! I win! I win!

Sorry, but you just got punked, young..

Yeah, yeah. Put them away.

What do you mean I got punked? I got 21, how can I lose?

No, baby. See, at Club Shiznit..

...black-a-jack is 22.

That's why we call it black-a-jack.

Sorry, baby, but maybe if you're nice to me

you might go win your money back--

You.. No, no. Uh-uh. Jerome, You know what?

You are foul. Hey, hey, hey, everybody!

Everybody, Jerome is tryin' to cheat us.

- 'Right.' - Oh, no!

You all know Jerome-Rome.

Oh, baby, you know Jerome-Rome wouldn't start cheating.

Okay, listen.

Since, y'all like to party

more free drinks for every-damn-body.

Oh, yes! Alright! Now, I don't wanna hear all that.

You done dissed me. You got me bad money out to that..

Uh-huh. You like that, don't you?

You gotta roll with me. Come on. Shake 'em up, shake 'em up.

- Shake 'em up, shake 'em up. - Roll it, Cole!

- Whoo! - Yeah! Yes! You know what?

You know, you know, that's how it is with me.

Wait a minute. You won again?

Dealer, you fired!

Now drinks just went up to $20 a glass.

If y'all don't like it, kiss Jerome-Rome's ass!

Alright, everybody, freeze!

Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.

Yeah, that's right. Now, y'all know what this is.

So throw your hands in the air.

And wave 'em like you just don't care!

- Oh. - Hey, shut up!

This is a robbery. Ain't no time for no heroes.

- Get your hands up! - Wait a minute.

Ain't this a bitch?

I'm getting robbed by a woman that has a swag!

We want everybody to give up your gold

your silver, your wallets, everything.

And if you have any dreams, we want them too.

Hell, no, sister. I worked hard for this--

Cole, will you let that go, man? Don't be stupid.

Just to make sure nobody's strapped

everybody strip down to your underwear.

- What? - What?

- You heard what I said. Strip! - Take it off. Take it off.

I ain't takin' a damn thing off.

I don't take my gun out the holster

unless I'm ready to bang, bang, bang!

I don't do it.

Look here. Now you kinda cute, Mac Daddy.

Let me see that pretty smile of yours.

Well, my best side is really the tooth over here

because I have one over here--

Just like a thug. Now give up the gold tooth, yuck mouth.

- Wait a minute. Well, don't.. - Come on.

Now this tooth has been in the family for years.

- Just give me the tooth. - It's a family tooth.

- Give up the tooth. - Damn, I'm being robbed.

Oh!

You know, I'm glad they ain't checkin' my sock

for, ah, Gina's earrings.

'Cause, you know, if they done checked us out

we'd been in a lot of trouble.

- And then, then Martin will-- - Shut up!

Just shoot him, lady. Shoot him.

- Why you tellin' 'em to shoot? - Alright, everybody.

I want you to stay where you are for ten minutes.

And nobody will get hurt.

We wanna thank y'all for a beautiful evenin'.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Ta!

Gee, man! I don't believe this, man.

Yo, they took Gina's earrings, man.

Hey, man, damn the earrings.

They robbed Club Shiznit!

I got to find my toothers!

Oh!

'Alright, now.'

Now, normally..

...I wouldn't be caught nowhere with you two squares!

But just like Chaka Khan needs Rufus

I can't run the Shiznit without my tooth at.

Bro, we ain't tryin' be hanging with you too either, man.

Yeah, yeah. Come on, Jerome, we ain't got all night.

Now, look, you gonna help us get these earrings or what?

You sure they in this warehouse?

Hold up, cockroach.

Now, if I tell you a duck could pull a truck

then shut up, and hook the sucker up.

Jerome, Jerome, you're right. That's them in there.

Okay, didn't I tell you that was them in there?

I said it you.

Alright, Jerome, what we gonna do, man?

Okay, now, this is what we gonna do, first of all

I gotta put on my secret weapon.

- 'Okay, alright.' - Yeah.

No hottie can resist my body once I put on Hai Karate.

- Okay. - Hai Karate, man?

That's.. I went out with the bum.

What, bum don't went out? But that was my dance.

I used to me here with the boom-boom, now, bam!

Jerome. Jerome, come on, man!

- Shh. Keep it - Okay.

How we gonna get the earrings, man? What's your plan?

- Okay, okay, this is my plan. - 'Alright, good.'

Now, y'all distract them while I Mac Attack 'em!

Can you dig it?

I steps this way. Please keep quiet. Keep it down.

Don't blow your cover.

- What did he say? - I don't know.

I think, the brother hungry. He said somethin' about

havin' a Big Mac Attack or somethin'.

- Forget him, man, okay? - Alright.

We gonna do things our way, alright?

- Alright. - Got it?

- Yeah, I'm with you. - Walk this way.

Alright, ladies, let's check out the goods.

- Mm-hmm. - Yo, yo, that heist was whack.

People had nothing but fake gold and food stamps.

'I can use these food stamps.'

One dollar bills?

Sheesh. Look at this pleather, fake pearls, and a..

...a Bolex watch.

- 'Uh-uh.' - Oh, wait.

And I bet the sister that owned this though

she was fly with her Alvin Klein purse.

And this gold tooth is super fly, and it ain't even real.

- Hey. Hey, Cole. - Shh.

I don't know what Jerome is doin'

but we gotta do somethin' fast, man.

Yeah, that's true. I'mma go get him.

- Okay. - Hey, hey. Hey!

- Shut up. - Hi!

Hey, it looks like we got ourselves

a couple of uninvited guests, y'all.

And I don't like it when people come by unannounced.

- What y'all wanna do with 'em? - Now, let's see.

Before we put them out their misery

let's see what they want.

Speak your peace.

Or rest in it.

Hey, don't play dumb.

Um-um, believe me, ma'am. He ain't playin'.

Then it's on you, Heady Krueger.

- Why y'all here? - Look.

All we want are those diamond earrings, okay?

You ladies can have everything else.

Y'all hear that?

Where's the music comin' from?

Alright, now!

I came to get my gold toothers back.

I know they ain't real, but you didn't have to

tell every-damn-body!

Look, look, look, forget the toothers, man. Alright?

These earrings belong to my best friend's wife.

Her grandmother gave it to her.

They been in her family for generations.

Now, now, I-I-I want you ladies to look deep inside your souls

and, and ask yourself this question, huh?

- Oh, you don't hear me? - Yeah, I hear you, I hear you.

What would your grandmother think?

If she knew that you had, had gone into a life of crime, huh?

'Cause if you can, if you can steal, then you can kill.

And if you can rob, then you can cheat.

And I don't like no cheating woman.

Y'all too damn fine to be doing crime!

It brings tears to my eyes, 'cause you too fine.

Y'all should be in show business!

Yeah, yeah, true that. True that.

You do kinda look like a low budget TLC.

See, ladies, you-you don't have to do this.

Well, you know, back in the neighborhood

they did say we had talent.

- Yeah. - Well, girls.

I've been thinkin'.

I mean, I don't want to rob people no more.

You know, I've been thinking the same thing.

- I wanna do music. - Why, you want to do music?

Y'all can let me get on with y'all.

'Cause, see, first of all, I know how to do the funk.

You know what I mean? I-I've always been in all that.

A-a-and then, of course, it's like a harmony.

So, check out how I harmonize. I brace it down.

- Bam! That it. Yes, alright. - 'Alright.'

Well, if we gonna make records, I think we need a name.

Okay, let me think somethin'. I know there's a name

that I can get for us, okay?

Ah, let me see, let me see.

Oh, Romeo-Orlando and Dawn!

Y'all be Dawn. Y'all just Dawn.

Now, we need a little practice.

So that's when I say we got to bring it over here

'cause everybody needs a little practice in their life.

So, on the one, on the two!

Roller coaster!

Alright! Say, one. Roller coaster!

Just roll with me. Come on!

Jerome-Rome! Oh!

- 'Help me with this.' - 'Be quiet.'

'Look, we told him we'd have it in here by the mornin'

'and that's what we got to do!'

Ow! Shh. Shh, shh, shh.

- Tommy, help me. I'm stuck. - Will you come on?

Shh, shh, shh.

- Cole. - What?

I don't think they're here yet, man.

Okay.

Alright, brother, we got lucky, man.

Had Martin found out I lost Gina's earrings

brother would've killed me.

Yeah, I know.

Like they say, "God take care of fools and babies."

That's for sure. And I'm damn sure I ain't no baby.

Tommy, that's them, um..

- Act like you're chillin'. - Okay.

What are you two doing up in here so early?

- Hey. - Now, damn that.

What y'all doing in the apartment, period?

Ah, we-we-we were just sitting.

Yeah, that's what we were.. House sitting.

- Get it? - Boom. Boom.

Oh, thank you. Really appreciate it.

Baby, I'm gonna go to bed, okay? That costume made my head hurt.

Oh, hold up, baby, look.

I-I got a little somethin' something' for you.

- Don't I, Cole? - You sure do, boy.

- Well, give it to me, man. - Oh.

- Yeah. - Yeah, of course.

- Phew, Gina. - 'Yeah?'

Happy six month anniversary, baby.

- Aww, baby. - Yeah.

- You remembered. - Yeah.

I love you so..

..so much.

- Thank you. - Yeah, there you go, baby.

Give me, give me, give me!

What this is?

- 'Yeah.' - Oh, my damn!

I knew you like it, baby. I knew you like 'em.

- Martin. - Yeah?

You gave me a gold tooth?

Oh, damn!

I'mma miss my gold toothers.

But I can give these earrings to one of my fly honeys.

Oh, oh, one more pair of shoes. Gotta go get 'em.

No, Gina, that's it, baby.

Now, look, we only stayin'..

Look, Gina..

Now, that's it.

I don't need any help packing. Thank you.

Well, well, good, baby. 'Cause I don't no help chillin', Gina.

Oh, come on, Martin. I know you're not still mad at me

about goin' to the..

No bougee, masquerade costume whatever party, baby.

Little bit. I got a little surprise for you, Gina.

Ah.

Just waitin' on Cole to give it to me.

Oh, Ray got it. I ain't got it.

- Who? - Ray.

- Ray-Ray. I ain't got it. - You don't have it?

Gina's grandmother gave her these ear-earrings, right?

And I'm having some diamonds put in 'em.

Oh, man! See..

- You still gonna work it. - We go.. Hey.

- 'Shh.' - 'Help me with this.'

'Ah! Damn that Neil! Ah!'

'Okay. Alright.'

- 'Here we go. Shh.' - 'Alright.'

'Why we gotta do this now?'

'Look, we promised him we'd get it here in the morning'

'and we gotta do it, now get out of the way.'

- 'No, I'm going through.' - 'No, I'm goin'.. Cole!'

Man, get off of me!

Come on, Jerome, we ain't got all night.

Now, look, you gonna help us get these earrings or what?

You sure they in this warehouse?

Hold up, cockroach.

Now, let me tell you somethin'.

If I tell you a duck could pull a truck

then shut the...up.