Original subtitles

How are you brothers doing tonight?

- Doing good. - Real good.

You have the drinks you ordered.

And I'm Sonya, your waitress for the evening.

Hey, well, it's nice to meet you, Sonya.

- Nice to meet you. - Alright, Sonya.

Where are you from, Sonya? Jamaica?

No, I'm from Brooklyn.

I just listen to a lot of Shabba.

You know what, Nipsey's waitresses got

a whole lot of ass-sets.

Excuse me. Yo, yo, you'll gotta hide me, right?

I got a whole gang of 'em chasing me right now.

Alright, what we got beef with?

Who trying to catch a beat down? What's up?

Big Shirley's triplets.

Shaheem, Raheem and Taheem.

Cole, you're running from some little kids.

Man, Big Shirley's triplets ain't hardly little.

Word up and peep this, Tommy, they only three years old, right

and they already bigger than all three of their daddies.

Look, look, Cole, you need to go back to Big Shirley

and make up like you always do.

Man, you can go ahead with that, alright?

'Cause there ain't gonna be no making up this time.

There's some stuff you just can't forgive.

I caught Big Shirley fooling around.

Oh, damn, Cole.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Besides you, who the hell will fool around with Big Shirley?

Talk to me.

Some big brothers at the food bank.

Maybe it's time to move on, man.

- Yeah, do that, yeah. - I can't, Tommy, it hurt.

Big Shirley gonna leave a big space in my life, man.

She is gonna leave that.

It's probably gonna take two or three women to fill that up

Cole, but you gotta be strong, man.

I need to suck it up. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

But, uh, you know what, maybe, maybe we could hang out

this weekend, all of us together and find me somebody.

- What you think? - Hmm, sorry. Can't do that.

Yeah, me and Gina wanna be alone this weekend.

- Thanks. - Look, Cole.

Don't sweat it, brother, okay?

We've plenty women out there

that are smart, attractive and single.

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just gotta find one at the fitter side

to pace her this time.

- What's up, Dicksy? - Hey, chubby, what's up?

- Hey! - Hey, you!

- Hey, baby, how you doing? - What's up, baby?

Mm! Mm-hm!

Excuse me.

Y'all gonna have to take that to a motel.

I don't want that kind of business.

Man, you know how it is when you ain't seen your woman

all day, don't you, Dicky Ricardo?

Martin.

We know what y'all gonna be doing this weekend, dawg.

'That's right.'

Me and my husband have not spent one moment alone together

since we got married, so until Monday, it's just gonna be us.

- That's right, that's right. - Right.

- Don't wanna see you. - Nope.

Damn sure, I don't wanna see you.

Okay? So, I don't wanna see you scratching at the door

sniffing and trying to get in.

Don't worry. We won't be in your tiny little way, okay?

- We have our own plans. - Yeah.

Well, my lease is up, yo. I'm gonna be moving in with Pam.

What? Really?

Are you two gonna be like

moving in together for real?

We're gonna make that move, dawg!

Now, Tommy, I'mma be calm about this.

What is wrong about you?

Now, either you won't nest up with this woman

or I'm putting the root on you.

- What the hell-- - What's your problem, man?

What's going on?

- Martin.. - Don't do it, man. Don't do it.

They have been together for almost a year now.

Please, Martin, what is the problem?

I'll tell you what the problem is, Gina.

Moving in with Pam is like moving in with Batra.

Next thing you know, he'll be sleeping upside down

like a bat.

Martin, Pam is a good woman, okay?

And we have a great time together.

- We're gonna do this. - 'Woo!'

Ah, uh, whatever.

But having a Pam is a big responsibility.

Okay? You got to walk her, feed her, wash her.

Uh, uh, change the litter box.

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, that sounds good to me.

- Ha-ha! - Is that all you brought?

No, I'll get the, I'll get the rest of the stuff later.

But I did bring you this clipping

from my grandmother's garden.

See, it reminds me of you.

Rare and beautiful.

Thank you, baby. That's sweet.

You know what, Tommy, I was thinking?

With us moving in together, it's gonna be real cool.

Me too, baby. Look here.

I'mma put these clothes i-in the closet, alright?

Okay.

Oh, you know what, baby?

You might as well throw these old records in there too.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Baby, you got to be careful with the Lou Rawls, okay?

This is a, this is a very valuable collection.

Alright, Tommy, calm down. It just some old records.

Step into the '90s, bro. They do sell CDs.

No, no, s-sweetheart. These are classics, okay?

They must be treated with respect.

Okay, well, while you and Lou get your groove on

I'm just go and get ready for bed, okay?

Mm-hmm.

What the hell?

Uh, you-you-you wanna give me a warning

before you do that next time?

Oh, sorry, baby, I just like to stretch just

a little bit before I go to bed.

'Okay.'

Now that felt good.

You know, with us living together

I don't have to sneak and do it in the bathroom anymore now.

- Uh-huh. - You ready to go to bed, baby?

Uh, just give me a second, alright?

- That's it. Just a second. - Okay.

- Alright. - You know what, sweety?

- I'm gonna put this in water. - Good. Good.

Alright. Lou!

Come on, baby. There we go.

Oh, baby, you're gonna have to turn it off before we go to bed.

Oh, oh, see, see, baby, my mom used to play Lou Rawls

before we went to sleep and now I can't sleep without it.

Well, how come you never played it before

we went to bed until now?

Well, before now when we went to bed

we weren't trying to go to sleep if you know what I mean.

You know what, now that you mention it

I'm not that tired if you know what I mean.

So why don't you go into bed and relax

and I'mma finish stretching?

I'll be waiting.

- Damn! - Ha-ha-ha!

'Oh, b-baby.'

'Could you turn up the music?'

''Cause that Lou Rawls' album is fly.'

Damn!

'Welcome to the world of Nubian passion.'

- What's-what's happening, man? - Oh.

'Part one, the art'

'of African-American massage.'

- Alright. - Yes.

This is for us, babe. Didn't I tell you?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's gonna be the bomb.

'Do you have your motherland massage oil?'

- Uh.. - Right there, right there.

- W-we got it. - M-motherland massage oil.

'Egyptian pharaoh feathers.'

- Right here. Here we go. Ah! - Pharaoh feather.

'And a Barry White CD.'

- Barry White. - Right on. Right on.

'So let's get to massaging.'

- Okay. - Oh. Okay, hurry up, baby.

- 'Cause they're gonna leave us. - Okay, be gentle.

- That's all show. - Alright.

I-I'm gonna be gentle..

- Baby? - Yeah.

Somebody's at the door.

Didn't you tell everybody we were gonna be

alone this weekend?

Shh.

Girl, if you massage a little quieter

they will go away now.

Shh. Get it on.

Honey, it could be an emergency

like when Sheneneh's hot cone caught on fire.

- Come on, answer the door. - Damn, Gina.

Damn girl, I was damn near...undressed

you could have kept massaging, everything..

- Damn! - Hey!

Look, man. Cole, what are you doing here?

I told you me and Gina was trying to be alone this weekend.

- No visitors, please! - Yeah.

Oh, hey, hey, now come on, man.

I found myself a new girlfriend, man.

Yeah. I wanted to bring her by, have you all check her out.

No.

Hey. Hey, man.

Please, you're the only friends I got.

Right, Cole, bring it in. Just four minutes, please.

Baby, but they're gonna be here all night.

Yeah. Check it out, check it out.

These are the friends I was telling you about.

- Martin and Gina Payne. - Hi.

Hi, I am Harriet Harrington!

Oh, I just love your show, Martin!

You could talk with the best ever.

- Can't ya? - Ha-ha-ha!

What's up?

You don't know me like that, sister.

Bring it down a notch.

I'm sorry, my brother. I'm just so excited to be here.

Oh!

I love this hair. Is it all real?

Hey, hey!

You're gonna have to tone that voice down, please.

Well, I am sorry. Just maybe I should go outside.

- Yeah! - Yeah, yeah!

Well, I'm going, okay?

- Yeah. - Let's-let's go. Come on.

Damn.

- Step out and don't make-- - I'm gone.

Oh, don't wake the damn neighbors, lady.

Woohoo!

What the hell is wrong with you, man?

Bringing that loudmouth woman

by my house at this time at night.

What is wrong with you?

Huh?

I-I didn't know she was that loud.

I heard what she said, it doesn't matter.

- Now read my lips, Cole. - Okay.

Get the hell out.

- Did you get that one? - Slow it down.

- Get...the hell...out. - Oh, okay.

Alright, I'm going.

Now I could get some sleep.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what's going on?

What happened to Lou?

Tommy, "Natural Man" was getting on my natural nerves.

Baby, I told you, I can't sleep without it.

And I can't sleep with it. Nor your snoring.

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute now.

You haven't been complaining

about my snore for the past year.

That's because I didn't have to hear it every night.

Baby, it's turning me off.

I mean, what if I wanna get busy with you

in the middle of the night?

Well, how the hell I'm gonna get busy

looking at a head full of curlers?

Tommy, I know you don't wanna take it to the head.

Do you wanna talk about something?

No, do you really wanna talk about something?

Direct your attention to the toenails.

- Well, what about my toenails? - They're slicing my sheets.

You ever heard of a toenail clipper?

Well, you know what, if you had paid just a little bit more

money for them sheets, they might not be torn up.

Oh, so now you're calling me cheap?

Oh, that's very funny

coming from a brother that ain't got no job.

Hey, I got a job!

You know what, I-I don't even wanna

sleep on your cheap sheets, okay?

I'm gonna sleep right here.

Well, I hope you and Lou have a good time.

- We will. - Fine, fine.

- Fine. Good - Fine.

- I gotta go to the bathroom. - 'Go.'

'Damn it, Tommy!'

'You left the seat up and I fell in.'

Well, you better tighten up on your backstroke.

Baby, oh, that was the best massage ever. Mm!

Baby, I'm sorry, I ran out of oil.

But you were little ashier than I expected.

- Whatever. - Ah.

So what do you wanna do now, Martin? You wanna watch a movie?

Why watch a movie when we can make a movie, woman?

All you gotta do is set it up while I get the props.

Alright, got the candles, uh..

Got the, got the champagne.

Hey, don't forget the whipped cream.

Oh.

- Oh, I got the whipped cream. - Yeah!

- I got the whipped cream. - Ooh!

Baby, come on. What you're looking for?

Spatula.

So I can smack it, flip it, rub it down.

Baby, tell Cole to go home.

Thirty seconds to showtime.

- Let's go. - Hey, okay, I'll be there.

Hold it. Don't move it out. Uh..

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, hey, Martin, look, I'm sorry, man.

But I really need to talk to you, alright?

This really isn't a good time, man.

Me and Gina are busy.

'Baby, come on.'

'I can't hold this position forever.'

Yeah, alright, alright, alright.

M-m-my bad, man, I'm sorry about that.

But look, Pam and I had an argument, right?

- She kicked me out. - Well, congratulations.

I mean, you should be happy, man

but your big happy ass can't stay here, peace.

Oh, wait a minute, hold on, Martin.

Look, man, she fell in the toilet

because I left the toilet seat up.

But I told her, "Hell, you ain't gonna drown that big old butt."

For some reason, she won't accept my apology.

It's your apartment too.

You tell Pam I said to leave the seat up when she's done.

'Come on, baby, I am waiting.'

Okay, now look, Tommy, I got some business to handle.

You get your business out of here.

We rap later, okay?

On the way, baby, on the way. Uh..

'Don't forget the ice, baby.'

Girl, you know, I was gonna get the ice.

Okay, got that.

Who the hell..

Who is it, man? They just won't stop.

Yeah! Yeah!

- Hey. - Look, man.

I thought I told you and surround sound not to come back.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I know, I know. I got rid of her.

- Found me another one. - Found you what?

- Found me another one. - Oh.

She's fine. She's shy.

And she really ain't got too much to say.

- Let me introduce her to you. - Cole, look, this is..

- Oh, Edna? - Cole, this ain't a good time.

Hey, Edna, how are you? I'm Martin.

W-what the hell's wrong with this one?

Cat got your tongue?

- Cole? Cole? - Yeah?

You and Leon Spinks, please get out.

Out! Out!

Baby, is Tommy gone?

Yeah, baby, that was not Tommy

that was Cole with another woman.

Ano..

Well, was she nice at least?

She looked like she was about ten years late

for her dentist appointment, baby.

Well, Martin, now that your friends are gone..

Yeah.

...are you ready to roll, Mr. Director?

- Lights! - Yes.

- Camera! - Hey!

- Action! - Huh!

- Oh. Go, go away! - Damn it!

- We are not home! - We ain't here!

'Gina, open up. I need to talk to you.'

Just act like you ain't here. Gina, what are you doing?

Baby, you talked to your friends

I gotta go talk to mine.

Come on, Gina. Alright, alright.

- Well, look, hurry up, okay? - Yeah.

'Cause right now I feel like shooting a double feature.

- What? - Right, right.

- Yeah, yeah, what's up? - Gina, Gina.

I'm seeing this side of Tommy I've never seen before.

He's rude. He's inconsiderate.

The man will rather sleep with Lou Rawls than me.

Don't you know he played "Natural Man" all night long?

So I kicked his natural ass out.

Why'd you do that, Pam?

Ain't "Natural Man" your theme song too?

It's better than "Small World." Beat it.

Whatever, whatever.

- Hey, hey, baby. - 'Yeah.'

- I'll be on the set. - Alright.

Gina, come on, now tell me, what am I supposed to do?

Okay, this is what you do, this is what you do.

- Thank you. - Um, you go home, right?

- You go home, alright? - Okay.

Then you tell Tommy, it's either you

o-o-or Lou or y'all through.

- That's that. - Alright, alright.

- Thank you, you know what-- - Y-you are through. Let's go.

- You're right, you're right. - Alright, let's go.

I appreciate that. I'll see you Monday.

- Yeah, Monday. - Okay, Monday.

- Alright. Alright, bye. - I'm gonna work it out.

- 'Gina.' - 'Yeah!'

'Hurry up, girl, I already started.'

No, Martin, you gotta wait for me!

- Ah. Ah. - Whoo!

Ah.

Hey!

You sure you wanna watch this Gina?

Oh, please, most definitely.

I can finally show you how many funny faces you make.

Hey. I ain't the only one that make faces, Gina.

You look like something out of "Thriller," girl.

No, I don't.

- Oh! Oh, ba.. - Oh, damn, man.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna open the door..

...at this time of night.

Hey, Martin. You should really keep that door locked, man.

People can walk around here.

Look, Tommy, what is wrong with you, man?

What is you and your Batra just coming up in my place for?

Well, Martin, I came to tell you that you were right about Pam.

Child got more weave than a dog in traffic.

You're taking it to the head again, Tommy.

What's with the stocking cap, brah?

Face it, the hair's gone down.

- Eh-eh-eh! - Alright, hey, hey.

I thought you two were gonna work this out.

Gina, how can you work it out

with the brother that shaves his head in the kitchen sink?

Yeah, but what about your back cracking?

You sound like a big bag of pork rind.

- This isn't.. - I've been telling you--

Gina, is that you and Martin?

- Oh, no! - No!

- Cut that out. - Oh.

Well, I thought I told you to cancel the Playboy channel.

Tomorrow, tomorrow. Uh..

It sounds like to me that you two are arguing over nothing.

Yeah, yeah, uh, uh, Gina.

For once, I gotta agree with Pam on that.

Thank you.

Leaving head chips in the sink

now that's just trifling.

'Just trifling.'

So is leaving the toilet seat up, Martin.

There have been many a day I have taken a dip.

Hey, hey, hey. Don't start on me.

Okay? I have told you once, I have told you twice.

You look before you sit.

You look, sit.

Look, sit.

Martin, you could easily flip the toilet seat down, okay?

You zip it, then you flip it.

Just zip, flip. Zip and flip.

I am glad, I will gladly show you how to do it.

In the bathroom. I'm gonna show you how to change the toilet..

'You show off, Gina!'

Wow, I can't believe they arguing over something so petty.

Do we sound that silly?

- Worse. - Ooh.

You know, Tommy, I think we made a mistake

by moving in with each other.

Yeah, I guess we did kinda rush it, huh?

I mean, just because living together worked for Martin

and Gina, it doesn't mean it's gonna work for us.

You're right.

Tommy, um, I think we should just chill.

Okay, alright, I-I-I'll tell you what, babe, I'll tell you what.

Why, why don't we go back to being friends again, okay?

And just whatever happens happens naturally.

- 'Things I just won't take.' - 'Okay.'

- And it did.. - Okay.

Alright, well, let me find out what's going on here?

- Hey! - Hey.

Please tell me y'all broke up.

Please tell me you broke up.

No. Not really.

We just decided to slow things down a little bit.

Well, how slow are you gonna slow 'em down?

Y'all gonna see other people?

- Yeah! - No!

'Maybe.'

Oh, damn!

That ain't never gonna end.

Come on in, Cole.

Right on, right on, right on.

Okay, everybody, hey. This is Rochelle.

Hey, how you doing, Rochelle? What's your problem?

Man, man, ain't nothing wrong with her, okay?

I mean, you know, she quiet and she got dental benefits.

- Nice to meet you. - Check the smile.

But I don't understand, Rochelle

why you keep looking over your shoulder?

Is the cops chasing you or something?

No, I'm sorry, but I've been having this strangest feeling.

It's like we're being followed or something.

- Yo, whoa! You all feel that? - What?

'Wait, wait a minute'

There ain't no damn earthquakes in Detroit.

I'd know that rumble anywhere.

'Big Shirley!'

I found myself a new girlfriend, man. And I want--

Go back. We gotta go from the light.

Light cue, light cue down.

- Yeah! - Hey!

Cut. The light down.

Alright, uh, yeah!