Original subtitles

Oh, baby, come on now, get dressed.

We're gonna be late for the play.

Honey, you know how excited I am.

Monique, my oldest friend, is comin' to visit me, baby.

Look, this is us on Senior Beach Day.

That's her in that skimpy-ass bathin' suit?

Yeah.

Did she say her name was Monique or Mo freak?

Gotta get the groove on!

Hey-hey!

Oh, Gina, come on. I can't believe you're not ready.

Everybody's tryin' to see this hit play

"Mama, I Can't Sing Worth A Damn."

It's been sold out for months. So let's go.

Hold on, Montel.

Don't-don't come up in here bum-rushin', my lady.

That goes for you and the horse you rode in on.

- Why don't you shut up? - Pam, Pam, Pam, look-look-look.

I found some more pictures of Monique.

Oh, I'll look at the pictures later, Gina.

I'll meet her when she get here.

- Gina, who-who is this Monique? - What?

Tommy, you have never heard of Monique Taylor

the motivational speaker?

- That Monique Taylor? - Yes, honey. That's her.

Oh, I-I've read her book "So Real."

That sister is deep! Ha-ha-ha!

Hey, Pam, now, don't even try it.

When Monique comes here, I want us all

to be the best of friends, okay?

- I'm fine with it. - Honey..

That's right, Pam.

'Cause Gina's gonna need a few new friends.

She's been hangin' around with you so long

she's startin' to pick up your bad habits.

And I'll be damned if I'm goin' for

all the barking in the house.

Ah, here, baby. That's-that's the look you want?

- That's it, that's it, baby. - Alright, baby. Excuse me.

- Ooh, that looks delicious. - Uh-uh.

- Don't, Pam. Don't touch that. - What is wrong with you?

You know, Gina don't want nobody

touchin' this until Monique gets here.

Now, calm down. You're gonna get the table scraps. Cool.

At least I don't need telephone books

to reach the table, Eddie Smurfy.

You know what?

She's here. Baby, go get the door. Hey, Pam--

I'm not gonna have her just talkin' to me like that.

- Gigi! - Momo!

I love your hair!

Mercy! You look so great!

I know!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Well, anybody goin' to introduce

Niquey-Nique to old Marty-Mar?

- Baby, baby, I'm sorry. - Yeah.

Monique, this is my fiance, Martin.

Oh. Oh, you got double kiss for Marty-Mar, huh?

Okay. Alright.

Just a little somethin' I picked up in France.

Okay, well, shoot, let me think..

Uh, bop, bop.

That's just a little somethin' I picked up from around the way.

You know that lets you know that we cool.

Look, this is one of our good friends, Tommy.

Oh, well, coupe de ville and suki-suki to y'all too.

So, Tommy, you been to France?

Oh, France, Spain, England, you know. I-I get around.

- Around where? - Huh?

Oh, oh, no, you know. Just a figure of speech, dear.

This is the moment that I have been waitin' for.

Monique, this is my Detroit homegirl Pam.

Pam, this is my home homegirl Monique.

- How you doin', Monique? - Nice to meet you.

Alright, y'all sit together!

So, Gina, you ready for the big wedding? Let me see the ring.

Go ahead, baby.

Slide that rock. Show her the rock.

Lead with the left. Lead with the left.

I picked it out, girl. I picked it out..

What do you think?

It's so cute.

Look at that little diamond.

Uh, wh-what you mean, "Look at that little diamond?"

Wha-wha..

I got a big damn receipt in the back. I can show you..

Don't, baby. Baby, no, no.

Monique is just playin'. Girl, you crazy.

Stop it. Just stop it.

You know what, I am so proud of you, girl.

- You have really made it. - Thanks, Gina.

Success is nice, but like I say in my book

it's what's in here that counts.

Keep it real. That's what I am.

Hey, hey. 'Cause I believe in that, you know.

Hey, keep it real, and the realness

kind of does come back to you, you know, if it's..

Gina, your place is so cozy.

Oh, you like it, Monique?

I was, I was, you know..

We just redecorated and everything.

Yeah, I bet, in this cute little place

the two of you on top of each other all the time, huh?

That's right, 'cause that's the way I likes it.

My baby all over me

'cause I'm damn sure all over my baby.

Baby, not right now. We got company.

Oh, don't front, baby.

I mean, just last night you was up in here butt naked.

You weren't complainin'.

Now you didn't have a problem when we was playin'

Spin the Gina.

Not right now, Martin. No Spin the Gina.

No, no, no. Hell no! Would you turn around?

No Spinnin' the Gina, Martin. Not in front of people, okay.

Oh, you.. Oh, you don't wanna be smart in front of..

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

Look, I-I understand, you two were sorority sisters.

That's right, Tommy. We are sisters for life--

Pam, what sorority did you go to?

- Well, I-- - Uh, you was a q-dog, right?

I-I think, I think

your verbal combinations were woof woof.

Or, uh, what is it that y'all--

- Shut up! - Okay, well..

I don't really know what the sorority..

I never really joined any sororities, it just..

- It wasn't my thing, you know. - Oh, that's too bad.

But, you know, it's nice, you and Gina became friends anyway.

What'd she say?

You know, Monique

are you gonna be speakin' while you're in town?

She ain't stopped speakin' since she got to town.

I'm actually here interviewin' to host a new talk show.

Whoa. Did you say new talk show?

You know, 'cause I do the talk show thing.

You ain't competin' with me, are you?

I'm goin' for a national show.

But it's cute that you were worried.

I ain't gonna be too many more cute-cutes, am I?

"I was worried."

Come on now. Stop it. She'll grow on you.

Yeah, yeah, like fungus, she'll grow on me.

Gina, it's gettin' kind of late. I probably should get going.

Oh...okay, well, Tommy, Pam, do you mind takin' her?

I'm sure it's on your way to the hotel..

- Not at all. - I'll catch you later.

Okay, girl, it's so good to see you!

Well, girl, we'll just take her home in our cute little car.

Bye!

Hey, y'all-y'all get home safe now. You hear?

Give us a call. Let us know you got in.

- Everything's everyth.. - I'm so glad she's here.

Yeah, well, I'm so glad she's gone.

- I'm feelin' little lucky. - What?

I wanna play Spin the Gina one more time.

No, no, since everybody's gone

I feel like playin' Spin the Martin.

Yeah.

Better watch where I land on..

Uh, look here, Nips, when you get a chance

give me another round at the table, man, okay?

- You got that, brother. - Okay. I appreciate that.

Hey, baby, baby, tell Monique about the show.

Oh, okay. Well, the show's cool. Last week, we had a show--

You know, that reminds me, my interview went really well.

- Oh. - Oh. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Very, very nice.

So glad the interview went well. Ahem.

So anyway..

What I was sayin', well

we-we had some good people on this year.

We had what, uh, BeBe--

BeBe and CeCe Winans. Oh, we go way back.

- Did I tell you about that? - Four times.

And we've only known you two days.

Um, ahem, I'll-I'll be right back. Excuse me.

Maybe I have been talkin' too much.

Really? What makes you say that?

No, no, Monique. We love to hear you talk.

Yeah, yeah. Talking's good.

Communication is always a thing

that, you know, will get people to talk back.

Okay, well, ahem..

Anyway, I had these, uh, ex-Playboy bunnies

on one time on the show. These sisters had--

They're fake. They're really fake, you know.

They should pick up a copy of my book

and learn how to be real, you know what I'm saying.

If I could get a word in edgewise

I say if you got it, flaunt it.

Mouth Almighty, tongue everlastin'..

Excuse me?

You know what, um, I think I wanna

get some hors d'oeuvres for us.

Uh, Pam, would you please join me?

- Alright. - You, you need any help?

- No, I'm fine. - I'll get some ribs.

I just thought she said, "Excuse me."

No. It wasn't like that. Well, I.. Y'all, y'all.. Yeah.

You know, the last thing she really needs is some ribs.

I mean, how can she eat animal flesh?

It's fattening and it's spiritually wrong.

Yeah, well, don't worry about Pam.

She'll work that off chasin' squirrels.

Oh, that's funny, Martin.

Does she, uh, stuff nuts in her little cheeks too?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa..

You don't know that sister like that

to be clownin' her like that.

If anybody's gonna do the crackin' on Pam, let me do that.

Excuse me.

Oh, Gina, baby, can I see you at the bar?

Slide to the bar as I'm tryin' to rap..

- Hey, what's, what's wrong? - Your friend, okay?

She's startin' to get on my damn nerves. That's what's wrong.

She been clownin' Pam ever since she got here

Gina, and you better recognize--

Oh, come on, Martin

you guys gotta give her a chance.

She is really, really sweet, now.

Can you please do me a favor?

Go over to the table and make nice with my friend. Please.

I'm goin' to the bathroom. Please, Martin.

Yeah, I know-I know. I-I r-I read that in your book.

And that's real.

That's real.

Uh, look, we-we're about to, we're about to go

downstairs to shoot some pool. You wanna join us?

- I love pool. - Yeah?

I'd like you to teach me some of your trick shots, Tommy.

You wanna know about some trick shots

you need to talk to my baby Pam. She has some--

Not interested.

I want to see what you can do.

Okay. Hey, baby!

We're gonna go downstairs and shoot some pool

if you need us, okay?

- Okay. - Alright.

I'm goin' to show that trick a shot.

- Eh-eh-eh! - Show her a shot!

Ain't that even.. You ain't got..

You.. She ain't got nothin' on you, girl.

You know what, Martin, I never thought I would say this

but Monique is more annoyin' than you.

Look, you ain't got to sweet-talk me.

Look, I know you want her out. We can get her out.

- What you wanna do? - I want her out, man.

Well, then, we can go back to hatin' each other later.

- Alright? - I'm down.

- Alright, let's get her out. - I'm down.

- I'm down. - Oh!

- I'm down. - Damn!

You got a lot on your mind, dontcha?

- Who this? - It's me, Pam!

- What's the password? - Open the door, dummy.

That ain't no damn password.

- Just open the door! - Alright.

- Alright, come on. Shh! - Stupid.

- Come on. - God.

Oh, girl, good disguise. I didn't recognize you.

You look like a human being, girl.

Yeah, you look like a normal-sized adult.

Whose shoulders you standin' on?

Alright, now, look, check it out.

Gotta get down to business. This is what I want. Now.

We got to dig up as much dirt on Monique as we can get, okay?

- All of it. - Definitely.

We gotta show Gina just what time it is with her girl.

Hey, enough said. Okay?

Did you bring the night-vision goggles? Did you bring them?

- Night-vision goggles. Bam. - Ooh!

You look like you got military-style ones too.

Let me see. Hey! Whoa!

Yeah. They got you right up in the thing. Right up in this..

Okay, did you bring the secret-surveillance camera?

- Did you bring that? - Got that!

- Okay. Okay. - Zoom lens.

- Say "Ahh." - Alright, you want a pose?

Yeah. Wait, wait. Let me get you.

- No, no. - Okay.

That's for all the brothers on lock-down.

That's for all the brothers..

Okay, now, uh, uh..

Did you bring the new Biggie Smalls album?

- Yeah, I got that. - You got the Biggie?

- Right here. - Alright. Alright.

Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

- What you need that for? - Oh, I lost mine.

This will come in handy. I gotta get down on Biggie, okay?

Well, look. Hey, we got to do this like teamwork, okay?

We're partners, okay?

- It's like Jordan and Pippen. - Yeah.

In our case, Elroy and Astro.

Shut up, boy. Come on, let's just get our spy on.

- Okay. We'll tip out. - Just watch your back.

Okay. Watch your back. I got yours, you got mine.

Slip and dips.

Girl, I haven't shopped this much since college.

You wait till I move back to Detroit

I'mma whip you back into shape.

- 'Where's my baby, huh?' - Hey, baby.

Give me my luscious. What's happenin'? I'm good.

- Oh, the little French thing? - The French one.

Is that it? Alright.

What's up, Monique? Keepin' it real, I hope.

Always.

Look, baby, look what I bought today. Isn't she cute?

Oh, baby, that is cute.

Hold up, Gina, damn!

Three hundred dollars for a doll, baby?

Gina, you could go down on Detroit Avenue

and get a woman for half that price, baby.

Martin, that doll's an antique.

So? The woman on Detroit Avenue been there about 20 years.

Alright? I know she's paid.

- Martin. - Alright, alright.

Monique know I was just playin' with her.

That's a little jokey-joke, huh.

Just keepin' it real, huh!

Hey, baby, I knew she'd grow on you.

Yeah, yeah. She real cool.

You know what I was thinkin', Monique, I was wonderin'

how would you like to come on my show?

Oh, that would be a great idea.

Martin can introduce you to all of Detroit.

Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet your little hip-hop

street-jive audience.

Well, ain't that, well..

You know what they would love to meet you

my little hip-hop, street-jive audience.

I wouldn't even ask you to come on

if you weren't so, so real.

Oh, I'm real. I can be down.

Right on, my brother. Power to the people!

Yeah, yeah, I-I-I can dig that.

Fake-ass Angela Davis.

- So you about ready to do this? - Heck yeah.

I got the pictures, you got the questions, right?

Hey, I'm with you, bro. Let's put this plan into action.

Okay? Alright.

Hey, hey, and you break your, break a leg, Monique, okay?

- Break a leg? - Yeah.

Tommy, be careful what you ask for.

You just might get it.

Pam, Pam, Pam, thank you so much

for supportin' Monique like this.

Oh, no problem, Gina. Don't thank me now. Thank me later.

So, Monique, you about ready to do this? Are-are you ready?

This little cable show? Please.

Okay. In five, four, three, two..

Thank you.

You know, you know, whenever, whenever you can come back

with applause like that, it makes you wanna come back.

Well, welcome back to "Word On The Street."

My next guest is the author

of the best-selling book, "So Real."

Give it up for Monique Taylor.

Monique!

Thanks for havin' me on, Martin.

I'm glad I could have you on, Monique. Ha-ha!

Monique, tell me and my audience

what makes you such an expert

on how to be...so real?

I think it's the way I live my life.

You stay true to yourself, and you can't go wrong.

'Alright. Yeah, girl.'

Yeah, I hear you, Sister Monique.

Like you said in your book, I am a supernatural woman.

I don't need no makeup.

Hell, half the time, I don't even brush my teeth.

Word, girl. Don't brush those teeth.

Thanks for readin' my book.

Well, it says right here in chapter three

you say, "The body is a temple."

Explain why the body would be a temple.

- I'm a vegetarian. - 'Right.'

And I don't believe in eatin' any kind of meat.

- Alright! - Alright!

So you only like fruits and vegetables?

- Yeah, absolutely. - Okay.

But if it's like "My bologna has a first name"

anythin' like that, you-you just don't mess with it?

- Never. - Okay.

You like your fruits and your vegetables.

Well, how do you explain

this big-ass slab of ribs?

'With grease on it. How do you explain that?'

Say it ain't so, Mo.

- See, that.. - What is Martin doin'?

I have no idea, Gina. I'm as shocked as you are.

Excuse me, Martin, I have a question

for meat-munchin' Monique.

Oh, yeah, w-w-we gonna take some questions from the audience.

Ma'am, what's on your mind? Speak it, tell it.

What's on your mind?

Hey, uh, how y'all doin'? Alright.

Monique, in your book, you talk about charitable donations.

- Wassup with that? - Uh..

I believe that givin' to charity is good for the soul.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, girl.

You're a good-hearted person.

Because right here we have a picture

where you are givin' a check

'to the Real Brothers Society.'

That was a very special moment for me.

Aw, don't-don't-don't cry

because here-here's another special moment

where you're collectin' money

'from some thick-ass brother down in the Heights'

workin' the boulevards or something.

That-that's not me. That's not me.

Oh, it's not you?

Maybe it's your twin sister skeezin' around town.

She ain't real, y'all! She ain't real!

Yeah, look her collectin' the dough

the money. She's collectin'--

Isn't it time for a commercial?

Yeah. Yeah, it's time for a commercial.

We'll be right back with sisters who are livin' foul.

Bam! After this.

Look at the money as she collects the money

as you watch it yourself with your own vision.

'Clear!'

Gina, how could you let this happen?

What're you talkin' about? I didn't know anythin' about this.

Oh, yes, you did. You and your scrawny little fiance!

- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! - Hey, hey, hey.

Wait a minute, now.

I don't think you wanna go there talkin' about my man, okay?

No, she doesn't.

You know what, Gina? This really doesn't surprise me.

Because I always knew you'd end up with a roughneck.

Oh.

To hell with you, okay?

'Cause I love my roughneck.

- That's right. - Step. Just step. Okay.

Look, I don't have time for autographs, okay?

Oh, no, no, no, sister. You don't seem to understand.

I paid $12 for this book, and you ain't even real.

I ought to kick your little fake, fancy ass right now.

How could you do this to me? I always thought you were so real.

Get over it, Gina, 'cause I'm paid, okay?

Well, if you're so paid, okay

give me back my hair comb that you borrowed.

Oh!

Whoa!

There's a bald horse in Detroit

freezin' his ass off right now.

Baby, I know what you gonna say

but, Gina, we did it for you, baby.

I can't believe Monique turned out to be such a phony.

Yeah, Gina, I know you think I was jealous

but your girl had a stank attitude.

Hey, that's just real, honey, if anybody knows about

stank attitudes, it's your road dog Pam. It is.

Shut up before I flick your little ass back to Smalltimore.

Well, I guess we back to normal, huh.

- Hell, yeah. - Psych.

Thought she had a friend.

- Take care, Gina. - 'Bye.'

Ah!

No, don't look at me..

Don't look at me like that, baby. I just want..

- Martin. - Yeah?

Yeah? Yeah?

- Martin.. - Yeah, baby.

Monique was my friend, if anybody should have

put her in check, it should have been me.

Yeah, baby, but you was takin' too long.

Well, Martin, I would have seen through her

and I would have seen what she was all about eventually.

But I'm glad you had my back.

That's what I'm here for, baby. I'm your man.

I'm glad that's what you're here for.

Well, I'm here for more than that

but, you know, we can spin and do a lot of that later.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

But, look, if you're ever lookin' for your girl Monique..

- Yeah. - Check it out. Here she is.

Oh, Martin!

Come on out of there, Monique!

Come on out of there, Monique!

Look at that. Look at that.

You okay? I got you all choked up and stuff.

- You alright? - Yes.

Okay. Get it out. Go on. Hoick it!

- Stop. - Alright.

- Okay. - Look at her.

Not a real damn strand in the whole thing.

I could knit a sweater with this, Gina.

Alright, man. Go on.

They just jammin' on that song. Oh, man.

Alright, man. Alright, I'm ready, man.

You know, it's just fun for our audience.

You know, we are gonna have fun.

Damn, that's for us, too..