Original subtitles

I cannot believe that the wedding is almost here

and we have paid all our bills.

- Ah! Damn! - What?

Uh, Gina, it's, i-it's a letter from the IRS, baby.

What does the government want with you?

I don't know, Gina.

They must have saw me when I took that

extra block of gum and cheese, baby.

You better open that letter and see what they want.

You know, Uncle Sam doesn't play.

Alright. Alright. Let me think. Sam, let me think.

Um, uh, Mr. Sam, man, uh..

...I was gonna pay your money but the man had told me--

- Martin. - Okay, let me, uh..

Let me go on and open it, Gina.

Aah.. Uh-hah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - What! What! What!

- What's in it? - Ah-hah! Ah-hah!

Baby, what is this? You didn't even open the letter.

- Oh, baby. - What?

- Oh, check out what they sent. - What's wrong with you?

"Due to any accounting error on our behalf we have enclosed

an additional income tax refund check in the amount of.."

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Aah! Aah-hah!

- Four thousand dollars, baby! - Yeah!

- We paid! We paid! - Oh, yes!

- Oh, oh. - You better go for it.

Gina, gimme the loot. Gimme the loot.

- Okay, okay, uh, baby.. - Yeah.

Baby, I'm gonna do somethin' special for us.

- What? - Okay, uh..

I'm gonna go out and buy a satellite dish.

- Yeah? - Uh, um..

A laser disc player.

And, uh, I'm gonna get myself a whole new wardrobe.

'Cause I know you want your man looking good.

Okay, what up, dawg.

Always liked ya. Only day only--

- Yeah, Martin, yeah. - Oh-ho!

I do, I do want you looking good, baby.

- You know what I was thinkin'? - What, baby?

I think we should take this money, right?

- Yeah, come on. - A-a-and, you know..

Kinda invest it.

And make it work for us. You know what I'm saying?

- Y-you think so? - Oh, yeah.

I-I-I, you know what, you're right.

You know what, you're right. Yeah.

We-we gotta be smart, we gotta be responsible

because that's a lot of dough, ain't it?

- That's right. - That's a lotta k-zash.

Okay, uh..

- Okay, Gina, I was thinking. - What?

We should go to Vegas

put everything on black and take our chances, Gina.

Okay, I'm gonna start packing. Let's do that.

Wait, wait. Baby, baby.

I'm thinking more of like, you know

a solid investment.

You know, Tommy says that he knows

some people with connections.

You think schoolboy knows some people?

Yeah.

Lemme think, lemme think, lemme think.

Okay, you're right, you're right.

Okay, you get Pam and him on the bat phone, okay?

I'll be right back. I'll be right back.

Wait, wait, baby. Where you going?

I gotta deposit this

before the IRS finds out

about the gum and cheese, okay?

So the small businessman

is looking for something to invest in, huh?

Oh, why don't you sell your clothes back to baby GAP?

I'm gonna let that one slide, Scary Poppins.

Must be hard on you this time of year.

Everybody mistaking you for the Easter Bunny. Ha-ha!

Where you stashing the eggs?

In your humpy-dump. You snack on.

So what you gonna do with your money, big time?

Oh, man. Funny you ask me that.

Y'all think I'm crazy but I was thinking

about investin', openin', ownin'..

...one day my own restaurant.

Ha-ha. Yes.

Yes, 'cause, because, see, all the big stars have 'em.

Oprah, uh, Michael Jordan, y'all know he's back.

And, uh, Denzel and all of 'em. What y'all think?

There's this restaurant right around the corner

that's been closed for about a year now.

Maybe you can reopen it.

Man, he don't know nothin' about runnin' no restaurant.

See, what I'm saying, Gina. Pure jealousy.

It ain't fair. Tommy, Tommy's got his 40 acres and his mule.

How're they gonna get mad at me for tryin' to do my own thing?

Get my own business, huh? How're they gonna be mad at me?

Yo, I'm about sick of your mouth.

- Then you be sick of it, okay? - Back to the money.

You're shooting at me, I'll shoot it back at you.

Now, $4000 really isn't a lotta money

to invest into a restaurant.

Okay, here it is. Check it out, I got it.

Why don't we open up a take-in restaurant?

Cole, a-a-a take-in restaurant?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, people bring their food in..

...and then we charge 'em to sit down.

What do you think about that, Martin?

I think you need some damn help, Cole.

Okay, now that's comin' from where I'm comin' from.

Okay, now, now, listen.

Whoo, what I think we should do..

...is find some investors to put up the money, okay?

All we got to do is kick back, wait for the money to roll in

everybody's gettin' paid.

You pay, you pay, you pay

whether sport down or not, you know, boom.

- We pay, everybody's cool. - Right.

You know what, I know this African brother

who specializes in helpin' people, you know

who wanna open small businesses.

I can arrange to have him meet us at the restaurant tomorrow.

- What? Uhh! - That's right.

That's what I'm talkin' about, Tom.

- That's right. - Yeah.

Yo, huh, okay. Okay, I got-I got one more idea.

Rent-A-Spoons!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See.

We serve 'em soup for free..

...rent 'em spoons.

Whoo, yeah. What's up, baby?

D-did I tell you, you had one, what, one more tie?

- Yeah, yeah, you did. - Did I tell you you had that?

- Mm-hm. What's up, baby? - Well, guess what. Look at me.

Time's up.

Let him keep the eye. It's okay.

- It's alright. It's okay. - What is wrong with you?

It's alright. It's alright.

- I didn't try go for his eye. - I know. I know.

- You seeing what I'm seeing? - You went for the eye!

Are you seeing what I'm seeing now?

You're messing with investments.

Let it go. Let it go.

Everything's alright. Everything's fine.

I know what I'm talking about. I know what I'm talking about.

- Rent 'em Spoons! - Okay.

Okay, Martin. Stop. It's alright, it's alright.

- He's going for the eye! - That's it!

Alright. Now, let's, let's l-let's go back here.

Um, back to Tommy's idea. Tommy's idea.

- Okay, Tommy's idea. - The African man..

- Right. - Alright, Tommy.

'Yes.'

Where do you know this man from?

I, uh, I don't actually know him personally, see..

You know some people at work turned me out to him.

Rent-A-Spoon!

I'm gonna get you next time, alright?

No, you be quiet with the no job..

Alright now, enough with the job.

Now...y'all know I'm a brother with good ideas, okay?

I got a dollar and a dream to make myself some cream.

Okay? Are you down or what?

Are you down?

I'll be down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm be right there when you fall flat on your face.

Luckily for you that's not too far to fall.

You just make sure that you tell Dino and your crew

don't be eatin' up all the meat.

- You hear me? - I'll Rent 'em Spoons!

Rent 'em spoons!

Rent 'em spoons! Rent 'em spoons!

'I said move out the way. I can get it.'

- 'Just move.' - One, two, ow!

- Oh! - Told you.

I knew them hooves will come in handy, Gus.

Oh.

Check it out, y'all. Huh? Check it out.

Welcome, welcome to my place.

Welcome to Marty Mart's Meatloaf and Waffle, baby.

Love your waffles.

- You like it? - Yes.

Gina, this is the beginnin' of a franchise.

- The future is now. - Is now.

- This place is straight nasty. - 'Yeah? Yeah?'

Ah, but it's got your name written all over it, bro.

Oh, yeah, you, you got your work cut out for you, brother.

That's alright 'cause when we fix this place up..

...people gonna be lined up waitin' to get in this mug.

- Ain't that right, babe? - Yeah, that is right.

That is right. Now, Tommy?

- Tommy? - 'Huh?'

Wh-wh-where's your African money-man, man?

He's not that late.

Maybe he probably got deals all over town.

Look, from what I hear, this brother is large.

What's happenin', Martin?

- Oh, Stan. Stan! - Uh-huh.

What's up, man?

What's up?

- Hey, Martin. - Yeah.

Cash rules everything around me.

So, let's go make the dollar, dollar bill.

Yes, I'm back and I'm black. You know, that's a fact.

Stan, Stan, what are you doing here, man?

Well, Martin, when I heard that it was you

who was looking to invest, I got right up out of my bed.

I told my ride said, "Hold that position, I will be back."

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute, Stan.

You're the African brother with the investment hookups?

This I gotta hear.

No, no, Gina. Let's check the elements here.

We got this nasty place, we got Martin's little ass.

And then we got Stan on top of that.

One, two, three strikes.

I'm out. I'm out.

- Call me. - I'll call you, baby.

I guess, it's true what they say, Tommy.

What's that?

You can lead a horse to water

but you can't make her stay.

Well, Stan, Stan, wh-what's up with the African gear, man?

Well, Tommy, you know, after I sold the radio station

I took the money, I went on back home, back to my roots.

Back to Africa. That's beautiful.

No, man, New York. On 25th street.

They were selling this stuff out in front of the Apollo.

Now, look at this. Lookin' alright?

Stan, Stan, yeah. You look fly, man.

It's alright.

- Check it out, sit on down. - Yeah, yeah.

So, tell us, man.

Where, where have you been?

Well, for a moment I was laid up

in the hospital, Martin.

- Oh! - What?

Really, what happened, Stan?

Well, you know, I was vacationing in Holly-wild.

And I hitched this ride with these two brothers

in this white Bronco.

Right?

Turn around man..

...five-o was on our asses.

I jumped out and the next thing I know

I'm waking up in a hospital.

Well, you know, hey. We're glad you are alright.

That-that's all we care about.

We-we really are glad you're alright.

So, uh..

- Let's talk business now-- - Wow, wow, wait a minute.

You know, baby.

Uh, Stan, Martin and I have a whole life savings

you know, tied up into this restaurant.

And we kinda wanted this business to be

you know, um, legitimate.

Legal, you know what I'm saying, Stan?

Do you get what I'm talking about?

'Cause I can't trust you. You got a history.

Look at me, Gina.

- What? - The old Stan is gone, Gina.

Hey, I've turned over a new leaf, Gina. I swear.

- Oh, baby-- - I had--

Who's that?

Uh...Martin, do me a favor.

Go there and tell that cabbie that you saw me

go through the back door, okay?

You just told my lady that you turned over a new leaf.

Hold on, hold on. Wait a minute, Stan.

This-this-this may sound like a dumb question

but how do you plan on investing in this restaurant

you can't pay your cab fare?

I can buy a whole franchise, chump.

I just don't carry any small bills anymore.

Stan, you live like the man with the master plan, how's that?

Yes.

Why, you know the way I see it, Stan?

All we have to do is clean this place up.

Hire some employees.

- And it's all good. - Uh..

I-is that what y'all thinkin' like I'm thinkin'--

Martin, Martin, Martin, you see.

The problem with employees is..

...that eventually, you have to pay them.

Now, Martin, what I was thinking was, hey..

We don't need no employees.

Because them is y'all and y'all is them.

Okay, everybody, we open the doors in five minutes.

- Uh-uh, Cole? - Yo.

- You know what you doin'? - Mm-hm.

- You're the cook. - Yeah.

- Baby, hit the kitchen. - I'm there, baby.

- Hit the kitchen. - And by the way.

Y'all have had no meatloaf till you had Cole special meatloaf.

And since it's the grand opening

I'm gonna make it boneless.

Tommy, here. I need you clean off the table.

Now, please keep your hairnet on.

I don't want hair chips in food.

- Man! - I'm-I'm just sayin'.

It's real important.

- Baby. - Real important.

Oh, hey.

What you want me to do?

Oh, baby, you're the hostess.

Yeah, that's what I want you to do.

I want you to be warm, friendly and courteous.

- I can do that. - You always could do that.

You could do it. You could do it.

Now, where's my waitress?

I am not puttin' this on.

Alright. Fine, fine, you don't have to wear this now.

But you're gonna have to wear it on a weekend.

When you give the kids rides in the parking lot.

You gonna have to wear it. Well, you're gonna have to wear.

I mean, that's just how it is.

Welcome to Marty Mart's

Meatloaf and Waffles.

I will show you to your seats.

They're right here.

Cole, did you take care of coupons like I asked you?

Yes, I did. I made 'em up and passed 'em by myself.

Whoo!

Man, you comin' through

when you supposed to come through.

Sorry about the stuff early. Don't worry about it.

Okay? But, look. You keep this up.

- You may get a raise. - Shh.

Don't tell nobody. Okay.

Alright. What y'all want? All we got is meatloaf.

I'll have, uh, 12 meatloaf and waffle platters.

And, uh, a diet root beer.

Go looking out on the diet root beer, bro.

Shoo, I don't want nothin' to eat.

At least none they serve on that menu, anyway.

- Look here, little bro. - Yeah.

You see, that lady is taken now, huh?

So why don't you respect mine

and enjoy your meal, alright?

You have a nice day, okay?

Pick up, 14.

- Cool, alright, yeah. - Martin, come here, baby.

Look at us, we're in business. I can't believe it.

Alright, look at the folks we got in the back, huh, huh?

Hip hop, yeah.

Oh, baby, who said I don't know nothin'

about runnin' a restaurant, huh?

- Who-who said that. - Not me. Not me.

Hey, just listen to ol' Marty Mart

and everything will run smooth like butter.

Say, man.

Oh, uh, hold on!

Uh, baby, hot, hot, coming through. Excuse me.

- Brother, What's happening? - Where's my butter, man.

Okay, you want the parque--

- Excuse me. - Okay, let me serve the parque.

Okay, sister. I'm comin' on around.

Why is there no menu? What's up with that?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come here. Come here.

Hey, I asked you for my water ten minutes ago, okay?

Okay, you're water is comin', okay?

Baby, look, look, baby there's no way to seat these people.

- Where're they gonna sit? - Okay. O-okay, baby.

Uh, give me, give me the menu.

I got the brother here with a butter on and she wants menu.

Come on, ma'am. I'm so sorry.

Come on, brothers. Come on through.

Excuse me, ma'am. Alright.

Uh, sister, you there. Brother, you down there.

- But it's our anniversary. - Oh, well, congratulations.

- How long you been together? - Twenty years.

What? Well, time for you to meet new people?

Step over there. This way.

Okay, brother, did you get your, um..

Did you get your butter, is that cool?

Uh, no. Can I get another meatloaf?

You want one more meatloaf?

Okay, that's comin' right up for you.

We need one more meatloaf. Brother over there wants more.

Uh, w-we ran out of meat a long time ago.

You don't want to know what I'm using as steak.

- Cole, I ain't into that. - Ha.

- Handle your business. - Okay.

Martin, Martin, Martin. Look, man.

The dishwasher's broken.

Tommy, you look like Mr. Clean. Bust some suds, man.

- I ain't busting no damn.. - Oh--

Just in case you haven't noticed this place is packin'.

- Can I get some help here? - 'Hey, look.'

Don't start with me right now.

Look, man, I don't understand it but we outta food, man.

We outta meat and everything.

What do you mean, man? Well, then go buy some more, Cole.

You see, the place is crowded. We should be getting paid, man.

Baby, there's no money.

Everybody's paying with these.

- Cole, Cole. - Yes.

You make the coupons, didn't you?

Yes, I did. Just like you said. Five for one, right?

Five?

- Ah! - No!

I didn't say..

Cole, I said, two for one, man.

- Cole! - Look at this. This don't..

You know what, this is the dumbest thing

you've ever done, man.

No, actually, the dumbest thing I did

like here, was, was remember when--

Cole, Cole, kill that, man. Just kill that. So..

Everybody's in here is eatin' on me.

Th-that's it. I'm paying for all this?

- Yep. - Yes.

- You.. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Ah!

Everybody!

How you doing?

Is the food good?

Oh, yeah.

Some of you may say it's delicious, huh?

- Did you get you water? - I got my water.

- Are the prices right for you? - Yeah!

Oh, yeah! They say it's right.

Well, on behalf of Marty Mart's

Meatloaf and Waffle, get out.

'Get your asses out.'

Oh, man.

Four G's gone. Just like that.

This is the fastest openin' and closin'

of a business in history.

Thought that meatloaf was gonna take me places.

Damn sure, took me places.

The only one who made some money was Pam from her tips.

You know what, the only way the rest of us are gonna

make money if we get the hell outta here.

- That's what I'm feelin'. - Yeah.

Um, maybe you should try insurance fraud, Martin.

Dig it, man. Hey.

A can of gasoline, a match

and our problems are solved.

Excuse me?

Is this the Meatloaf and Waffle joint

I've been hearing so much about?

Yeah, yeah, this's the Meatloaf and Waffles joint, brother.

But, uh, we-we closed.

We're outta business, bro. Outta business.

Well, good.

'Cause, uh, if I can't get somethin' to eat..

...maybe I'll just buy the joint.

Well, have a seat, my brother.

He's a businessman.

Grab him a seat or somethin'.

He's a businessman. Um..

Cole, we should have one more waffle--

- Yeah, we do. - Okay.

You like tangerine sauce on your waffle?

Man, I'm not hungry, man.

I'm looking for somethin' to invest in.

How much you paid for this joint?

- Four thousand. - Ten thousand.

Man, how you gonna go.. He a businessman.

How you gonna say 10,000--

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Ten thousand, man. That's a little steep.

- Martin, listen to me.. - He was the man..

He would've bought it for $4,000.

We've got to hold out, man.

This guy look like he got a whole lotta money, man.

We got to take him for all his worth, Martin.

We ain't got no money.

Alright, let me take a look at him, man.

'Yeah, alright, okay, come on.'

Yeah, yeah. Okay, uh, brother.

How much did you say you buy this place for?

- I give you $5,000. - Sold! Damn!

You know what, check it out.

I'm even gonna throw on a waitress.

Not only does she take orders

but she can catch the hell off a frisbee. Can't she, y'all?

- How you doin', Miss. Lady? - How you doin'?

- What you got there? - Ah-ha, no-no.

Can't touch this.

That's all good. That's all good.

So, brother..

...what you plan on doing with the place now that you have it?

I'm gonna invest in some, uh, Rent 'Em Spoons.

Luckily for you, that ain't too far a thought.

You know, uh..

I hope when I hire you

you don't make those same skunk noises.