All language subtitles for Martin.S03E21.Mother.of.the.Bride.1080p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Hey. You have been
at all in...here.

Alright. Alright there.

Martin, you think you got enough
wedding magazines around here?

Those are not mine, Tommy.
Those are Gina's.

She is getting
some wedding ideas.

Oh that's...yeah. Yeah.

Cole. What're you
doing with that, man?

Yo, I'm saving this for me
and Big Shirley's wedding day.

She gonna wear a dress
just like this one.

What're you going to make
it out of? Car cover?

If I can find a white one.

So Martin, you decided
on a wedding band yet?

What would I get a band for?

Man, I'm going to get
a DJ. Is that alright?

M-Martin, I mean a wedding band,
man, you know, like a ring.

She already got an engagement
ring Tommy. What's up?

Yo. Yo, yo. Here's what
I'mma do. Check it, check it.

I'mma sneak Big Shirley's
engagement ring

off her finger
while she's sleep.

Then give it back
to her at the altar.

What if she wakes up, Cole?

Oh, well, that-that's what
the pork chop is for.

- Distraction.
- Oh!

Well, you okay. Bringing
on the distraction. Alright.

Cole. You know.

You ain't going to get
no ring off of Shirley's big

plop when you cook 'em fingers.

And, Martin man, you have got
to get Gina an engagement ring

and a wedding ring.
It's tradition.

Y-you kill me with
this tradition stuff.

Or is traditional for-for
grown ass man not have a job?

Huh? Traditional of that?
Step to the tradition with that.

L-look don't get mad at me, man.

I-I'm just telling you
how it's done. That's all.

Yeah, well, h-he's right,
Martin, I mean

that's-that's how all our mom's
husbands did it.

I mean, mom's got
a cigar box full of rings.

S-s-so, let me get this right.

- I pay for two damn rings.
- Mm hmm.

A wedding and a honeymoon.

- Right.
- And what I get out of this.

Oh, you get snaked in.

Congratulations, dawg.

Oh, there's my baby.

You've been out shopping
all day for the wedding.

Come give me the luscious girl.

Mmhmm. Lay some.

Mmhmm.

Oh, my bad. My bad.

Man, you couldn't pay me
to kiss those crusty lips

lookin' like
two powdered donuts.

Hey, hey. Well girl, I don't
want to kiss you either.

I don't care if your mouth
is cleaner than a humans.

- Now back up off me.
- What?

Back up off me.

Come on, come on,
Pam, let me, let me..

Girl, come now, let me see this
checklist one more time please.

Gina, how many times you're
going to check this list?

- Just do it, please.
- Okay. Okay.

Look at this, how am I going
to get everything done

before the wedding, Pam?

Alright let me see, um...
we-we picked out the cake.

- Check.
- Ordered the invitations.

- Check.
- Good. Martin. Martin.

Did you reserve the hotel rooms
for our out of town guests?

Uh, check.

I'mma check on it, uh,
first thing tomorrow morning.

- Martin. Baby.
- What?

You didn't make
the reservations?

There may not even
be any rooms left.

Baby, would you calm down?

Look, look, look.
Some people can stay here.

And I'm sure Pam has extra room
in the stable next to her. Okay?

Whatever inch worm.

- What?
- Oh.

Martin, did you make your

wedding vows like you
promised me you would?

Oh baby, I'm not going to change
the wedding vows. Why should I?

They are the best ones
have already been written baby.

To love. Obey.

To cherish. Obey.

In sickness and in health. Obey.

Baby, it don't get
no better than that.

Go on, take a squat.

Yeah, right, Martin,
you haven't obeyed anything

I asked you to do
about this wedding.

Gina, would you relax,
look, planning a wedding

is just like planning
a big party.

Just without the 40's, baby.

Ain't nothing to it
but to do it.

You don't get it, man.

This is our wedding,
we're talking about.

I have got to pick out
the bouquet, buy my shoes

figure out whether
we're going to serve

chicken or fish by tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Chicken or fish,
chicken or fish.

Can I get some help, please?

Gina, what you asking her for?

Pam don't know nothing
about chicken or fish.

But, she damn sure know
about kibbles and bits.

Martin, why don't you take
your little ass outside

and go climb a speed bump?

This is your day. Okay, girl?

What you need to do
is call your mama.

Yes, maybe I will call her.

N-no, I got to give you
on that one, Pam.

I don't usually give it
but you get it.

Say, call your mama,
'cause, see, she can help you

with the wedding,
'cause that's a woman's thing.

Now, baby, if you need
the oil changed

or the hedges trimmed
I'm your man.

- We don't have hedges, Martin.
- We can get some, baby.

- Chop, chop, chop, chop.
- Ugh!

Pam. I'm so glad
you're in my wedding.

No problem, girl.

- Wow!
- No problem.

You know I love it
when you're happy.

You know that right?
I love it when you're happy.

Now, that was a beautiful moment

you and your friend
just shared there.

You make her happy
when w-you help her out.

That's my girl. That's my girl.

Yeah, okay, well if
she's happy, I'm happy.

I'm glad you're going
to be in the wedding.

- Really, Martin?
- Yeah.

This way we-we don't
have to throw the rice.

When you come out of the church
all you got to do

is shake your head,
let the flakes fly.

Dandruff everywhere.

So, Martin, Gina's mom
gonna come out here

and help y'all plan the wedding,
huh?

Well, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I
told Gina straight up.

I ain't planning no wedding
like a little punk.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, man.

You the man. You the man.

- Yeah, we are all great right.
- To Martin.

The almost married man.

Here's to your ball and chain,
dawg!

That's cold, Tom.
Well, right back at you.

Bawled and brain.

Oh, so, Martin, uh..

Gina's parents. Are they
paying for the wedding?

Oh, no, no, me and Gina
thought it would

be best that we
pay for the wedding.

So you...you mean to tell me
that they gon' do the planning

but you gon' do the paying?

That's right.

What the hell
is all that sniggling

and giggling about, man?

Nothin', nothin', nothin'.

H-hey, let me tell
you all something.

I'm glad they're
planning the wedding.

This way all I got
to do is show up

slob down my bride

and then we're out.

Yeah, n-but Martin, are you sure

that you want Gina
and her mama making

every decision
about your wedding?

Yeah. Think about it man,
they are out there right now

deciding how much of your money

to spend on some fancy wedding.

And you ain't got
no say so about it.

You know Mrs. Waters.

She's out there ordering
expensive flowers man.

When you know cheap plastic
ones look just as good.

Steak and lobster,
wine and champagne.

You know them,
the expensive ones.

- Like Dom Perignon.
- That's right.

And I hope,
it's not all you can eat.

'Cause I'mma let you now.

Big Shirley gon' wreck
a buffet table.

Just like..

Martin, my brother

You need to take control
of this, man.

'Cause family and friends
are the ones

you got to look out for
the most.

People got to understand.
This life is like a 50-50 thing.

- Right.
- Here's the check, Martin.

- Thirty-six dollars.
- Well, you know, uh, Cole.

I'm glad you said about
that 50-50 thing.

'Cause you and Tommy
can split that 50-50.

I'mma step on up out,
y'all be cool.

- I'mma handle some business.
- Martin, Martin.

Martin. Can a brother get a tip?

Oh, oh you want a tip.

Slow down on the meaty
gravy. I'm out.

Ma. Okay.

These are
the bridesmaids dresses.

Huh. Gina.

I don't want to hurt
your feelings but..

...those dresses
are really ugly.

Ma.

Nobody is gonna look
better than the bride.

I taught you well, shnookums.

Oh, mommy.

- I'm so glad you're here.
- Oh, me too. Really.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- Hey, Mrs. Waters.
- Martin.

How is my favorite
son-in-law to be?

- Ohh, I'm good, I'm good--
- Give mommy a kiss.

Ohh, what Gina gonna think.
What Gina gonna think.

It's good to see you,
Mrs. Waters.

- Good to see you.
- Well, thank you.

What you all been up to?

Oh, we're just making plans

for the wedding
reception, you know.

Oh, okay. Well, what you got?

Cool, cool. Let me know
what's happening?

Oh, isn't that sweet. Martin's
pretending he wants to help.

No, no, Mrs. Waters.
I'm not pretending.

I got good ideas, Mrs. Waters.

Good ideas.
So, what's happening?

Okay, well, we were just
picking out the table favors.

I like this one 'cause it's
a champagne glass, it's really..

Bam, got to stop you there.

Baby, too expensive.
Yeah. Too much money.

Come on, give me another.
Come on, another one.

We'll come back to that.
Let's move on to the menu.

Now have you picked
chicken or fish?

Now, personally I prefer--

Ba-ba-ba-bam. Got to
stop you one more time.

Wouldn't it be dope, right

if everybody just brought
their own food.

That way, everybody
gets what they want.

Ain't nobody biting on stuff
they don't wanna bite.

Martin, that is ridiculous.

You can't ask people
to bring their own food.

Really?

Look. There's a Hoochie burger
right next to the church, okay.

Hoochie burger value pack,
I think it's a dollar..

Well, I don't really know
what the price is.

But it is a Hoochie
burger value pack.

It gives you burns, biscuits

uh, and-and-and two
legs and a thigh.

Tell me, he is not serious.

Ma, I wish I could.

Martin.

Sweety, mommy just hired
a wedding planner

who's going to help us
make all these decisions.

And tomorrow when she comes,
perhaps we could

entertain your little
suggestions.

- Yeah.
- Well, thank you very much.

Well, I'm telling you
I got lot of ideas.

I got a lot of them, y'all.

Alright. Like, uhm, we don't
need to rent no limo.

Okay? 'Cause the buses run
every hour on the hour.

Get a bunch of transfers
and we straight.

Ride on the bus.

Y'all ain't got to look at me
with the violent looks.

The buses are.. People don't
wanna ride buses no more.

So, as you can see from
some of the previous weddings

that I had planned
we used both

the groom's cake
and a bridal cake.

Now, that sounds
like a good idea.

Oh, yeah, mommy. I want that.

- Hey, hey. What's up?
- Baby.

Baby, come here,
I want you to meet Ms. Louis.

- This is our wedding planner.
- Hey.

And this must be the groom.

And what a handsome
little groom you are.

You know what? That I am.
Thank you.

Oh, so, what you got for us.
What you gonna do for us?

Oh, well, we were just
about to set the mood.

And the word for the day is..

...elegance.

Oh, elegance.

- Right, right, right.
- Elegance.

Oh, snap!
You got Milli Vanilli up here.

Oh..

No, no. Martin. Martin. Martin.

- Oh, that music is so lovely.
- Yes. Isn't it?

We play selections of classical
music throughout the reception.

How Tommy and then supposed
to Tootsee Roll to the, Gina?

How people are going
to work to that, Gina?

I'm so glad you brought that up.

That's why I thought
ballroom dancing lessons

would be in order.

I like this. Wow.

Don't catch a beat down,
brother.

Haha. Right on time.

Now I'mma show y'all
what time it is

when it come to planning
a real wedding.

Plakaow!

What's happening, Chief?

Who in here getting married?

I have a wedding to plan.

Everybody.
This is my wedding planner.

Hustle Man. Come on in.

At your services, Gina.

- You have a wedding planner?
- No, no, no, no.

Hustle Man cannot be
a wedding planner, Martin.

Besides. We already have
a wedding planner.

You have yours
and I have mine.

Oh, Gina, let's just
get on with it.

- Ms. Louis, please continue.
- Yes.

In keeping with
the theme of elegance

I suggest we use long stemmed

French cut red roses.

- Mmm, nice.
- Yeah, that's nice.

Pardon me sugar bop, honey bun.

I don't mean to intercept

but I suggest you use
the simple plastic ones.

'Cause that right there
those real ones'

gonna be dead before
y'all even say, I do.

You know what I'm saying,
use the simple plastic ones.

You could beat 'em, you could
do whatever you want with 'em

and you'll never lose a leaf.

This is really so very amusing.

But we're not going
to use plastic flowers.

If you had been here earlier

you would've seen my video
and realized as I do

that fresh flowers
are so much better.

Do you see that?
She is a professional.

- Okay? She has her own video.
- Does she now?

Well guess what then,
I guess it's our show time.

- Hit it!
- Bam!

Let me see you VCR, babygirl.

- That's right.
- The VCR.

I like this TV too.

'Oh. Oh, big daddy.'

'Ah!'

Oh, my bad. Wrong tape.

But as you all can see
I-I do honeymoons too.

Now, now, now,
don't let that bother you.

That was some beautiful
art there, Hustle Man.

- Wasn't that beautiful?
- That was disgusting.

What movie was that?

Well, if you are quite finished

with your little
Deaf-Jam shenanigans

let's continue on with the food.

Yeah, yeah the food, but..

Mrs. Waters I didn't know
you had a little freaky in you.

I mean, it's just
the way you reacted

when you popped the tape in.

Oh, okay, uh, Mrs. Waters
will you be doing the cooking?

Oh, this is a charade.

I'm getting a migraine.

For real, how much those cost?

'Cause my man just bought
a Miata.

- Come on.
- Don't even worry about her.

Look, let me get that tape
a little later, okay.

Oh, I told you, come on
down to the crib.

- I had a whole case of 'em.
- Okay.

This is supposed to be the
most important day of my life

and you're joking about it?

I look like I'm joking, Gina?

You the one that got Ebony
and Ivory running around here

in his tight-ass draws,
and I'm the one joking?

Oh, please,
they are very nice men.

You should be a little
bit more sensitive.

- What do you mean?
- Silence. Silence please.

I implore you, I have come here
to plan a wedding

and gosh, darn it,
I'm gonna plan one.

Oh, my! I am so sorry.

I have behaved in a way that is
so much less than elegant.

Please excuse me.
Where were we?

I think we were
talking about the food.

Don't start with them.

I ain't...ain't nobody..
I ain't singing.

- Be nice to them.
- I have been.

Ohh, look.

It's our beautiful first course.

It's stuffed artichoke heart

surrounded by fresh
Santa Barbara bay shrimp

on a bed of baby
butter lettuce.

Wait, wait, no,
you don't believe that, Gina

you know damn well those shrimps

ain't gonna be fresh
coming all the way

from Santa Barbara, baby.

That's exactly why
I recommend this.

- Oh, god!
- Oh, god.

What is it?

I'm glad you asked that,
sweety bop.

This right here
is chitlin loaf.

Yeah, yeah, no,
she's just a little nauseous

but you're going to be alright.
Now, let me ask you a question.

Did you sprinkle the bazzle
in there like I asked you to?

Yes, I told her
that's the way you like it.

Alright. Alright. Look at that.
See. See baby.

You put one of these
at every table

with a bottle of hot sauce

or tobascco,
whichever one you like.

And, baby, it's on
like donkey-kong.

Oh! Uh, uh, uh.

I'm not serving chitlin loaf
at my wedding.

Baby, woman, check it out.
This is your loss.

This right here
is chitlin loaf.

This go down easy
and don't come up rough.

That's it.

Either he goes or I do.

- See ya.
- Oh, I don't think so.

Hustle person.

You want a piece of me?
Let's go.

Hey, Gina, rein your girl,
rein your girl.

Hold on. Hold on. No, no.
N-now, Ms. Louis.

Ain't gonna be no fightin'
up in here.

- You got to row, Ms. Louis.
- Oh no, no, no. No!

That is my wedding planner.
She is not going anywhere.

Well, Hustle Man
is my wedding planner

and he ain't going a damn place.

Well, bottom line is

how much is this going to cost?

Well, I think I could probably

swing it for an even 20.

Twenty-thousand?

That's pretty steep, Ms. Louis.

Word up, home boy. That
is steep. She trying to rob you.

I can do it for an even 19 Gs.

Nineteen Gs?

Man have you lost
your damn mind?

You know what get to steppin'.
Get to steppin'!

- Out. All of ya. Go.
- Homeboy!

You came looking for me, man.

You came to my corner
looking for me for this.

- I don't have to take this.
- You don't.

And I didn't think you
were going to charge me

no damn 19 GG.
Okay? Now let's go.

He's right. Everybody out go.
Ms. Louis now go. Come on.

You know, this
is all your fault.

Baby girl, stop crying.
Dig this here.

I got 40 ounce with some
extra cups in there.

We can dig down on this
chitlin loaf. Me and you.

Talk partnership.

- Really?
- Mm hmm.

Oh, I suppose
I could use a drink.

- Handsome.
- I knew you liked me.

Out. Babe, no, no, no baby.
Don't close that door.

Uh, men on film, skip your asses
on up out of here.

Skip. Wow.

Skippy and jippy, alright.

So what you think?
We should have a ballet dance?

Oh, no.

Nobody going to be bumping
and grinding at my wedding.

- You can forget that.
- Except for us.

It's been a long day.

I-I just wanted to say
goodnight.

And I'm sorry the wedding
planners didn't work out.

Mom, it's okay. Martin and I
are going to do this together.

You know, we're planning
a simple

inexpensive elegant wedding.

That's right. That's right.

Well, I just want your
wedding day to be perfect.

As long as Martin is standing
by my side, it will be.

- Aww..
- Oh.

Isn't that sweet?

- Stop it.
- Aww..

Baby, don't get started with it.

Aww, shnookums. Goodnight.

- Night mom.
- I want one.

- Goodnight, Martin.
- Night.

Goodnight.

You know what
because I ain't messing

without your mother.
It's so special.

- She's sweet baby.
- Yeah. She is.

- Martin. Martin.
- Ah. Yeah?

Did you...write your wedding
vows like I told you to.

- No I--
- You promised me.

No baby. You know why?

- 'Cause right now..
- What?

...I'm working on the honeymoon.

Martin, no, no, no, no.
Don't even try.

'Cause mother is right in the
other room. Don't even try.

- You know, Gina, she can't--
- Yes, she could.

Stop it.
She can hear you, Martin.

- She cannot baby.
- 'Yes, she can.'

She's like the Bionic Woman.
Tu-tu-tu-tu..

But she's still sweet.