Original subtitles

Hey. You have been at all in...here.

Alright. Alright there.

Martin, you think you got enough wedding magazines around here?

Those are not mine, Tommy. Those are Gina's.

She is getting some wedding ideas.

Oh that's...yeah. Yeah.

Cole. What're you doing with that, man?

Yo, I'm saving this for me and Big Shirley's wedding day.

She gonna wear a dress just like this one.

What're you going to make it out of? Car cover?

If I can find a white one.

So Martin, you decided on a wedding band yet?

What would I get a band for?

Man, I'm going to get a DJ. Is that alright?

M-Martin, I mean a wedding band, man, you know, like a ring.

She already got an engagement ring Tommy. What's up?

Yo. Yo, yo. Here's what I'mma do. Check it, check it.

I'mma sneak Big Shirley's engagement ring

off her finger while she's sleep.

Then give it back to her at the altar.

What if she wakes up, Cole?

Oh, well, that-that's what the pork chop is for.

- Distraction. - Oh!

Well, you okay. Bringing on the distraction. Alright.

Cole. You know.

You ain't going to get no ring off of Shirley's big

plop when you cook 'em fingers.

And, Martin man, you have got to get Gina an engagement ring

and a wedding ring. It's tradition.

Y-you kill me with this tradition stuff.

Or is traditional for-for grown ass man not have a job?

Huh? Traditional of that? Step to the tradition with that.

L-look don't get mad at me, man.

I-I'm just telling you how it's done. That's all.

Yeah, well, h-he's right, Martin, I mean

that's-that's how all our mom's husbands did it.

I mean, mom's got a cigar box full of rings.

S-s-so, let me get this right.

- I pay for two damn rings. - Mm hmm.

A wedding and a honeymoon.

- Right. - And what I get out of this.

Oh, you get snaked in.

Congratulations, dawg.

Oh, there's my baby.

You've been out shopping all day for the wedding.

Come give me the luscious girl.

Mmhmm. Lay some.

Mmhmm.

Oh, my bad. My bad.

Man, you couldn't pay me to kiss those crusty lips

lookin' like two powdered donuts.

Hey, hey. Well girl, I don't want to kiss you either.

I don't care if your mouth is cleaner than a humans.

- Now back up off me. - What?

Back up off me.

Come on, come on, Pam, let me, let me..

Girl, come now, let me see this checklist one more time please.

Gina, how many times you're going to check this list?

- Just do it, please. - Okay. Okay.

Look at this, how am I going to get everything done

before the wedding, Pam?

Alright let me see, um... we-we picked out the cake.

- Check. - Ordered the invitations.

- Check. - Good. Martin. Martin.

Did you reserve the hotel rooms for our out of town guests?

Uh, check.

I'mma check on it, uh, first thing tomorrow morning.

- Martin. Baby. - What?

You didn't make the reservations?

There may not even be any rooms left.

Baby, would you calm down?

Look, look, look. Some people can stay here.

And I'm sure Pam has extra room in the stable next to her. Okay?

Whatever inch worm.

- What? - Oh.

Martin, did you make your

wedding vows like you promised me you would?

Oh baby, I'm not going to change the wedding vows. Why should I?

They are the best ones have already been written baby.

To love. Obey.

To cherish. Obey.

In sickness and in health. Obey.

Baby, it don't get no better than that.

Go on, take a squat.

Yeah, right, Martin, you haven't obeyed anything

I asked you to do about this wedding.

Gina, would you relax, look, planning a wedding

is just like planning a big party.

Just without the 40's, baby.

Ain't nothing to it but to do it.

You don't get it, man.

This is our wedding, we're talking about.

I have got to pick out the bouquet, buy my shoes

figure out whether we're going to serve

chicken or fish by tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Chicken or fish, chicken or fish.

Can I get some help, please?

Gina, what you asking her for?

Pam don't know nothing about chicken or fish.

But, she damn sure know about kibbles and bits.

Martin, why don't you take your little ass outside

and go climb a speed bump?

This is your day. Okay, girl?

What you need to do is call your mama.

Yes, maybe I will call her.

N-no, I got to give you on that one, Pam.

I don't usually give it but you get it.

Say, call your mama, 'cause, see, she can help you

with the wedding, 'cause that's a woman's thing.

Now, baby, if you need the oil changed

or the hedges trimmed I'm your man.

- We don't have hedges, Martin. - We can get some, baby.

- Chop, chop, chop, chop. - Ugh!

Pam. I'm so glad you're in my wedding.

No problem, girl.

- Wow! - No problem.

You know I love it when you're happy.

You know that right? I love it when you're happy.

Now, that was a beautiful moment

you and your friend just shared there.

You make her happy when w-you help her out.

That's my girl. That's my girl.

Yeah, okay, well if she's happy, I'm happy.

I'm glad you're going to be in the wedding.

- Really, Martin? - Yeah.

This way we-we don't have to throw the rice.

When you come out of the church all you got to do

is shake your head, let the flakes fly.

Dandruff everywhere.

So, Martin, Gina's mom gonna come out here

and help y'all plan the wedding, huh?

Well, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I told Gina straight up.

I ain't planning no wedding like a little punk.

- Yeah. - Yeah, man.

You the man. You the man.

- Yeah, we are all great right. - To Martin.

The almost married man.

Here's to your ball and chain, dawg!

That's cold, Tom. Well, right back at you.

Bawled and brain.

Oh, so, Martin, uh..

Gina's parents. Are they paying for the wedding?

Oh, no, no, me and Gina thought it would

be best that we pay for the wedding.

So you...you mean to tell me that they gon' do the planning

but you gon' do the paying?

That's right.

What the hell is all that sniggling

and giggling about, man?

Nothin', nothin', nothin'.

H-hey, let me tell you all something.

I'm glad they're planning the wedding.

This way all I got to do is show up

slob down my bride

and then we're out.

Yeah, n-but Martin, are you sure

that you want Gina and her mama making

every decision about your wedding?

Yeah. Think about it man, they are out there right now

deciding how much of your money

to spend on some fancy wedding.

And you ain't got no say so about it.

You know Mrs. Waters.

She's out there ordering expensive flowers man.

When you know cheap plastic ones look just as good.

Steak and lobster, wine and champagne.

You know them, the expensive ones.

- Like Dom Perignon. - That's right.

And I hope, it's not all you can eat.

'Cause I'mma let you now.

Big Shirley gon' wreck a buffet table.

Just like..

Martin, my brother

You need to take control of this, man.

'Cause family and friends are the ones

you got to look out for the most.

People got to understand. This life is like a 50-50 thing.

- Right. - Here's the check, Martin.

- Thirty-six dollars. - Well, you know, uh, Cole.

I'm glad you said about that 50-50 thing.

'Cause you and Tommy can split that 50-50.

I'mma step on up out, y'all be cool.

- I'mma handle some business. - Martin, Martin.

Martin. Can a brother get a tip?

Oh, oh you want a tip.

Slow down on the meaty gravy. I'm out.

Ma. Okay.

These are the bridesmaids dresses.

Huh. Gina.

I don't want to hurt your feelings but..

...those dresses are really ugly.

Ma.

Nobody is gonna look better than the bride.

I taught you well, shnookums.

Oh, mommy.

- I'm so glad you're here. - Oh, me too. Really.

- Hey! - Hey.

- Hey, Mrs. Waters. - Martin.

How is my favorite son-in-law to be?

- Ohh, I'm good, I'm good-- - Give mommy a kiss.

Ohh, what Gina gonna think. What Gina gonna think.

It's good to see you, Mrs. Waters.

- Good to see you. - Well, thank you.

What you all been up to?

Oh, we're just making plans

for the wedding reception, you know.

Oh, okay. Well, what you got?

Cool, cool. Let me know what's happening?

Oh, isn't that sweet. Martin's pretending he wants to help.

No, no, Mrs. Waters. I'm not pretending.

I got good ideas, Mrs. Waters.

Good ideas. So, what's happening?

Okay, well, we were just picking out the table favors.

I like this one 'cause it's a champagne glass, it's really..

Bam, got to stop you there.

Baby, too expensive. Yeah. Too much money.

Come on, give me another. Come on, another one.

We'll come back to that. Let's move on to the menu.

Now have you picked chicken or fish?

Now, personally I prefer--

Ba-ba-ba-bam. Got to stop you one more time.

Wouldn't it be dope, right

if everybody just brought their own food.

That way, everybody gets what they want.

Ain't nobody biting on stuff they don't wanna bite.

Martin, that is ridiculous.

You can't ask people to bring their own food.

Really?

Look. There's a Hoochie burger right next to the church, okay.

Hoochie burger value pack, I think it's a dollar..

Well, I don't really know what the price is.

But it is a Hoochie burger value pack.

It gives you burns, biscuits

uh, and-and-and two legs and a thigh.

Tell me, he is not serious.

Ma, I wish I could.

Martin.

Sweety, mommy just hired a wedding planner

who's going to help us make all these decisions.

And tomorrow when she comes, perhaps we could

entertain your little suggestions.

- Yeah. - Well, thank you very much.

Well, I'm telling you I got lot of ideas.

I got a lot of them, y'all.

Alright. Like, uhm, we don't need to rent no limo.

Okay? 'Cause the buses run every hour on the hour.

Get a bunch of transfers and we straight.

Ride on the bus.

Y'all ain't got to look at me with the violent looks.

The buses are.. People don't wanna ride buses no more.

So, as you can see from some of the previous weddings

that I had planned we used both

the groom's cake and a bridal cake.

Now, that sounds like a good idea.

Oh, yeah, mommy. I want that.

- Hey, hey. What's up? - Baby.

Baby, come here, I want you to meet Ms. Louis.

- This is our wedding planner. - Hey.

And this must be the groom.

And what a handsome little groom you are.

You know what? That I am. Thank you.

Oh, so, what you got for us. What you gonna do for us?

Oh, well, we were just about to set the mood.

And the word for the day is..

...elegance.

Oh, elegance.

- Right, right, right. - Elegance.

Oh, snap! You got Milli Vanilli up here.

Oh..

No, no. Martin. Martin. Martin.

- Oh, that music is so lovely. - Yes. Isn't it?

We play selections of classical music throughout the reception.

How Tommy and then supposed to Tootsee Roll to the, Gina?

How people are going to work to that, Gina?

I'm so glad you brought that up.

That's why I thought ballroom dancing lessons

would be in order.

I like this. Wow.

Don't catch a beat down, brother.

Haha. Right on time.

Now I'mma show y'all what time it is

when it come to planning a real wedding.

Plakaow!

What's happening, Chief?

Who in here getting married?

I have a wedding to plan.

Everybody. This is my wedding planner.

Hustle Man. Come on in.

At your services, Gina.

- You have a wedding planner? - No, no, no, no.

Hustle Man cannot be a wedding planner, Martin.

Besides. We already have a wedding planner.

You have yours and I have mine.

Oh, Gina, let's just get on with it.

- Ms. Louis, please continue. - Yes.

In keeping with the theme of elegance

I suggest we use long stemmed

French cut red roses.

- Mmm, nice. - Yeah, that's nice.

Pardon me sugar bop, honey bun.

I don't mean to intercept

but I suggest you use the simple plastic ones.

'Cause that right there those real ones'

gonna be dead before y'all even say, I do.

You know what I'm saying, use the simple plastic ones.

You could beat 'em, you could do whatever you want with 'em

and you'll never lose a leaf.

This is really so very amusing.

But we're not going to use plastic flowers.

If you had been here earlier

you would've seen my video and realized as I do

that fresh flowers are so much better.

Do you see that? She is a professional.

- Okay? She has her own video. - Does she now?

Well guess what then, I guess it's our show time.

- Hit it! - Bam!

Let me see you VCR, babygirl.

- That's right. - The VCR.

I like this TV too.

'Oh. Oh, big daddy.'

'Ah!'

Oh, my bad. Wrong tape.

But as you all can see I-I do honeymoons too.

Now, now, now, don't let that bother you.

That was some beautiful art there, Hustle Man.

- Wasn't that beautiful? - That was disgusting.

What movie was that?

Well, if you are quite finished

with your little Deaf-Jam shenanigans

let's continue on with the food.

Yeah, yeah the food, but..

Mrs. Waters I didn't know you had a little freaky in you.

I mean, it's just the way you reacted

when you popped the tape in.

Oh, okay, uh, Mrs. Waters will you be doing the cooking?

Oh, this is a charade.

I'm getting a migraine.

For real, how much those cost?

'Cause my man just bought a Miata.

- Come on. - Don't even worry about her.

Look, let me get that tape a little later, okay.

Oh, I told you, come on down to the crib.

- I had a whole case of 'em. - Okay.

This is supposed to be the most important day of my life

and you're joking about it?

I look like I'm joking, Gina?

You the one that got Ebony and Ivory running around here

in his tight-ass draws, and I'm the one joking?

Oh, please, they are very nice men.

You should be a little bit more sensitive.

- What do you mean? - Silence. Silence please.

I implore you, I have come here to plan a wedding

and gosh, darn it, I'm gonna plan one.

Oh, my! I am so sorry.

I have behaved in a way that is so much less than elegant.

Please excuse me. Where were we?

I think we were talking about the food.

Don't start with them.

I ain't...ain't nobody.. I ain't singing.

- Be nice to them. - I have been.

Ohh, look.

It's our beautiful first course.

It's stuffed artichoke heart

surrounded by fresh Santa Barbara bay shrimp

on a bed of baby butter lettuce.

Wait, wait, no, you don't believe that, Gina

you know damn well those shrimps

ain't gonna be fresh coming all the way

from Santa Barbara, baby.

That's exactly why I recommend this.

- Oh, god! - Oh, god.

What is it?

I'm glad you asked that, sweety bop.

This right here is chitlin loaf.

Yeah, yeah, no, she's just a little nauseous

but you're going to be alright. Now, let me ask you a question.

Did you sprinkle the bazzle in there like I asked you to?

Yes, I told her that's the way you like it.

Alright. Alright. Look at that. See. See baby.

You put one of these at every table

with a bottle of hot sauce

or tobascco, whichever one you like.

And, baby, it's on like donkey-kong.

Oh! Uh, uh, uh.

I'm not serving chitlin loaf at my wedding.

Baby, woman, check it out. This is your loss.

This right here is chitlin loaf.

This go down easy and don't come up rough.

That's it.

Either he goes or I do.

- See ya. - Oh, I don't think so.

Hustle person.

You want a piece of me? Let's go.

Hey, Gina, rein your girl, rein your girl.

Hold on. Hold on. No, no. N-now, Ms. Louis.

Ain't gonna be no fightin' up in here.

- You got to row, Ms. Louis. - Oh no, no, no. No!

That is my wedding planner. She is not going anywhere.

Well, Hustle Man is my wedding planner

and he ain't going a damn place.

Well, bottom line is

how much is this going to cost?

Well, I think I could probably

swing it for an even 20.

Twenty-thousand?

That's pretty steep, Ms. Louis.

Word up, home boy. That is steep. She trying to rob you.

I can do it for an even 19 Gs.

Nineteen Gs?

Man have you lost your damn mind?

You know what get to steppin'. Get to steppin'!

- Out. All of ya. Go. - Homeboy!

You came looking for me, man.

You came to my corner looking for me for this.

- I don't have to take this. - You don't.

And I didn't think you were going to charge me

no damn 19 GG. Okay? Now let's go.

He's right. Everybody out go. Ms. Louis now go. Come on.

You know, this is all your fault.

Baby girl, stop crying. Dig this here.

I got 40 ounce with some extra cups in there.

We can dig down on this chitlin loaf. Me and you.

Talk partnership.

- Really? - Mm hmm.

Oh, I suppose I could use a drink.

- Handsome. - I knew you liked me.

Out. Babe, no, no, no baby. Don't close that door.

Uh, men on film, skip your asses on up out of here.

Skip. Wow.

Skippy and jippy, alright.

So what you think? We should have a ballet dance?

Oh, no.

Nobody going to be bumping and grinding at my wedding.

- You can forget that. - Except for us.

It's been a long day.

I-I just wanted to say goodnight.

And I'm sorry the wedding planners didn't work out.

Mom, it's okay. Martin and I are going to do this together.

You know, we're planning a simple

inexpensive elegant wedding.

That's right. That's right.

Well, I just want your wedding day to be perfect.

As long as Martin is standing by my side, it will be.

- Aww.. - Oh.

Isn't that sweet?

- Stop it. - Aww..

Baby, don't get started with it.

Aww, shnookums. Goodnight.

- Night mom. - I want one.

- Goodnight, Martin. - Night.

Goodnight.

You know what because I ain't messing

without your mother. It's so special.

- She's sweet baby. - Yeah. She is.

- Martin. Martin. - Ah. Yeah?

Did you...write your wedding vows like I told you to.

- No I-- - You promised me.

No baby. You know why?

- 'Cause right now.. - What?

...I'm working on the honeymoon.

Martin, no, no, no, no. Don't even try.

'Cause mother is right in the other room. Don't even try.

- You know, Gina, she can't-- - Yes, she could.

Stop it. She can hear you, Martin.

- She cannot baby. - 'Yes, she can.'

She's like the Bionic Woman. Tu-tu-tu-tu..

But she's still sweet.