Original subtitles

'Hey, baby, have you finished'

making out your guest list for the wedding yet?

- Yeah in one minute, baby. - Oh, good.

- I got mine. - I got a start on that.

Okay, cool. Woo!

You know, it's a big one, big one.

There you go, right there.

- Martin! - Okay.

This is over a 100 people.

Oh, well, baby, if that's not enough, here's my mama's list.

- Take that one. - Oh, no.

Okay, look what she got on there.

'Cause she got some people.

Oh, Lord. Martin, baby

there's, there's too many guests.

We have too many guests. Somebody's gotta go.

- Okay? Somebody's gotta go. - Okay, alright.

Well look, I don't wanna upset you before the wedding, babe.

Okay, 'cause you make me nervous.

And I know you know weddings, okay?

So, let's go here, let's go here.

Uh, okay. Uh, let's lose this brother right here.

- Right here. - Martin.

- Yeah? - That's my father.

So, what's the problem?

Anyway, Martin, you can't invite everybody you've ever met.

Like, who is this? Mrs. Tallaver?

I've never heard of her before. Who's that?

Come on, Gina.

Mrs. Tallaver's my nursery school teacher, baby.

She saved my life, Gina.

The woman stopped me from eating glue, Gina.

If I woulda ate glue, Gina your man

would've been here, girl, just like...eh.

Martin, you could try all your tricks, okay?

But we can't afford all these people. I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, but then see Gina, baby, listen.

That is where you're wrong. The more people we invite

the more gifts we get, baby.

They just hands them out. That's what they do.

Sign 'em up, hand 'em out. Sign 'em up.

Baby, come here. Let me talk to you. Up here.

What you wanna talk to me about?

If you don't cut out some of the people on your list

we won't be able to pay for our honeymoon in Jamaica.

- Jamaica? - You know. Oh, yes.

With the king-size bed

and the poolside room in the Pelican.

Well, girl, damn. Why we got to go to Jamaica?

Why don't we just put on some Shabba!

Now, this is much better right here, see?

It wasn't as hard as you thought cutting down

our list now, was it Martin?

Settin' my mama's list on fire

really wasn't necessary.

Hold up. Tanya Stevens?

Why are you inviting your ex-girlfriend to my wedding?

Because me and Tanya used to be tight.

Besides, her and my mama still

hang out together. What's the problem, baby?

Your mother has made it very clear, okay

that she wants Tanya to marry you instead of me.

Baby...what makes you think that?

Martin, the woman still has Tanya's picture

hanging over the fireplace.

Okay. I'm...I'm gonna be real.

I'm-I'm gonna be real with you.

- Fine! - Okay, hold on.

I'm gonna be real with you, okay.

Uh..

Mama would hang your picture up, Gina.

'Mm-hmm.'

But mama don't like you.

Whatever, Martin.

Tanya's name is off the list. Say bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Whoa, whoa. Is my baby a little jealous?

Oh, come on, Gina. I thought you were bigger than that, huh?

Mart, please, like you wouldn't be jealous if I invited..

...Derrick to the wedding.

Please! Corny-ass Derrick?

The brother you used to go out with

before you met a real man?

- Martin. - Huh?

- Martin. - Yeah?

You would have a fit, if I had even had dinner with Derrick

let alone invite him to the wedding.

Obviously, you don't know your man

like I thought you knew your man, baby.

Ha-ha. 'Cause that is a small thing...to a giant.

That's right.

Oh, so you cool with it? Okay, thank you.

- Thank you very much. - What's up?

- Eight. - What's goin' on?

- Four. - W-what are you doin', babe?

Oh, I'm making, um, dinner plans with Derrick.

He always did like Italian. Or was that Chinese?

You know Derrick, he's..

"Or was that Chinese?" Whoa, whoa, whoa!

So you and Derrick still chit-chattin'.

Y'all still lollygagging, is that's what's goin' on?

I mean-I mean, come on, what's up?

What's up with remembering up the numbers?

- I'm not understanding, babe. - Halt! Halt, Martin.

I don't even know Derrick's number, okay?

I'm just proving to you, that you are more jealous

than I am, okay?

- Bye. - Baby, you ain't prove nothing.

You are the one who's jealous, Gina.

Ah, but that's natural.

'Cause as fine as I am.

Wassup now?

- Alright, Martin. - Yeah?

Please. By the way, is Tanya still making those

animal cookies with her face.

Chomp! Chomp! Chomp, chomp, chomp chomp, chomp.

I crack myself up.

Yeah.

Yeah. You damn well do, okay?

Because she don't do that no more, baby. Huh.

It's Derrick. Is he still carjacking?

Grown-ass man popping cars. Is he still carjacking?

You know that was a misunderstanding.

- He thought that was his car. - Nah.

I don't believe it was a misunderstanding.

Okay, okay. Why don't we just find out

who's jealous and who's not?

Well, what you got in mind, Gina?

'Cause-cause I'm not-I'm not getting what you got in mind.

Mmm...dinner.

You invite Tanya, I invite Derrick.

You oughta know you can't get with me on this one, Gina.

You don't wanna do that to yourself.

You really don't wanna do that to yourself.

Oh, brother. Please, I am too smooth to lose, okay?

You too smooth to lose? Well, let me tell you something.

I'm smooth as ice and twice as nice.

And I ain't never had a bad day in my damn life.

What does that mean?

I don't know, but it sounds smooth.

Yeah.

I mean, here we are man, we, we checking out the game, right?

Having some drinks, shooting some pool.

Ooh, I wish Pam was here.

Man, please. If y'all were together, you wouldn't be

doing nothing but watching her bay at the moon.

I mean, come on, man.

Alright, alright, well, check this out.

I'm about to hit eight in the corner pocket.

- Take your time. - I didn't wanna get it.

I didn't wanna get it too hot. Don't do that on me. Yeah.

- Pay up, big Tom. Pay up. - Okay. You got lucky on that.

That's right. There it is.

So, look, tell me something, Martin.

You're not really gonna go through this..

...this dinner thing with Tanya, are you?

Why not, brother?

Seeing it'll give Tanya one last chance..

...to see what she's missed out on.

And it'll make Gina even more grateful she got me.

- Haha. - Oh, yeah.

'Cause absence makes the heart grow fonder, dawg.

You're crazy, man.

Oh-ho, man.

I mean, like-like tonight, right?

Yeah.

I bet Pam is sitting around

just...wondering what I'm doing.

You know?

Acting like she out, having a good time with the girl.

Doing what? Knocking over trash cans, looking for scraps?

- What? What-- - Don't talk like that.

Look, look who just came through the door.

Now, what'd I tell you man? She can't stay away from me.

Had to come, come huntin' me down.

Oh, yeah. That-that's a fine bloodhound, there.

- That's a fine bloodhound. - Hey, stop.

- What? - Hey, baby, baby Pam.

Come here, baby.

- Oh, hi, Tommy. - How you doing?

- Hey. Ooh! - How you doing?

Oh, well, look, Tom, I gotta get ready to roll out, you know.

But Pam, really good to see you.

I see y'all travel in packs, huh?

Excuse me, I'm gonna roll on and step on out that way.

And Tommy, if you need me man, hit me on the pager.

- 'I'll hit you.' - I'll come over here. I'm out.

Pam. Who was that? I do not like his attitude.

You don't even try, you know you recognize that basketball player

um, what's his name? Spudless Webb.

Oh, Pam!

Ow!

You know, I'm bad.

- There you are. - Hey, baby.

So, what's up, girl? What's the matter, huh?

You just couldn't stay away from me, could you?

Oh, well, how long has it been away? Three-four hours?

Well, to uh, be honest, Tommy.

I didn't know you were gonna be here.

- Oh, right, you're right. - Yeah 'cause--

Yeah, no, no, no. Me and my boys. We play that game, too.

Pam, you didn't tell me Tommy was so fine.

Oh, he's alright.

I just couldn't have no man all up under me

sweat me every two minutes, you know?

Don't even go there, Patrice, okay?

Tommy gives me plenty of space.

Y'all havin' fun yet?

Hey! What's happenin', Nipsey?

Well, they say it's me. What can I do for you, Martin?

Oh! Is that right, they say it's me. Alright.

Well then, you can hook me and my beautiful lady

up with a table.

- Sharice, hook my man up. - Four, please.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, do that.

I hope Derrick can find us.

Baby, Derrick's right here. What's up, Derrick? Wassup?

That's not Derrick.

Oh, damn. That must be Urkel.

What's up, Urkel? How you doing?

Why'd you go calling him--

Hey, hey, hey!

Baby!

Is that my first love? Come here and give me some.

Derrick!

- Hahaha. - Whoo.

- Mmm. - How you do--

- Look at you. - Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Martin.

This is my fiancé Martin right here. Martin.

Oh! Hey, what's up?

Wassup?

Wassup, man?

Yeah, well. Martin.

Man, you are a lucky, lucky man.

- Tell him. - You got yourself a good woman.

Believe me, I know.

Oh.

You know...Derrick, let me tell you.

My father asks about you all the time.

- Get out of here. - He really does.

How is his golf game? You know I never could beat him.

Oh, please. You let him win.

Martin?

Martin! Martin!

Girl!

How's my first love?

Look, how happy she is to see me.

Oh, Martin. You haven't changed a bit, honey.

But damn, you have.

Uh...I say you're jingling, baby.

Go, go ahead, Martin.

Whoo! I know they say milk does the body good.

But damn, how much milk you drinkin'?

- Take a look. - Take a look.

I don't wanna stare too long. I don't wanna stare too long.

So, Derrick, what have you been up to, with your busy life?

- What's happening with you? - Well.

I'm still in the music business.

Ooh. That must be fun.

Ha ha. So, what are you? A DJ?

Scratching and mixing at house parties?

That is-that is bang. No.

Actually, I'm president of Mac Town Records.

Six number one singles, and ten platinum albums this year.

Whoo!

- Alright. - That's right.

As a matter of fact, Gina, we signed one--

Aah! Come on, brother.

Ain't nobody asked you about all that, man.

We just wanna know how you make ends meet.

- Man! Fake-ass Berry Gordy. - Martin. Martin.

You know, what I mean? Like he's Michael in there.

Oh, you know, Martin used to be musically talented too.

- Yeah, Martin, who? - This Martin.

- You talkin' about him? - Aye.

Like since when?

Baby, please, please don't be rude.

Let-let her finish. Let her handle that.

Go on and finish tellin' about the musical talents.

Aah! Now, come on, you know all those songs

you used to write about my body. Ha-ha.

- No. Keep that one. - Uh-uh. Uh-uh. You know.

Like..

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

- Chill on that one. - Oh yeah.

Chill on that one.

A voice.

Tanya, are you a singer?

- Well-- - I-I-I sing too.

I mean, Derrick knows that I used to sing as well.

Sing? Girl, you used to sing like an angel.

Do you remember when we won the school talent show?

- You still got those pipes? - Not really, you know.

Usually, I just sing at church or in the shower or something.

Potato skins.

- You better go girl. - Thank you.

Potato skins?

- What? - Potato skins!

Gina, are these still your favorite?

You remember?

Oh I remember.

And I know that you like 'em

with everything on.

- Derrick. - No, no, no, no.

I happen to know she likes 'em plain.

Open up the mouth, baby. Stuff that.

When we were in school, she liked 'em my way.

Well you know, back in the day

Martin used to like his fruit just like this.

That's right. How did I like the strawberries?

Aha!

- Excuse me. - Mm? Mm?

- Oh, I see where this is going. - What's the problem?

Check this out. Derrick.

May I have another potato skin, please?

I like it with everything on it.

Oh, you wanna go there.

Tanya! May I have some more fruit, please?

- Sure. - With everything on it.

Hey, baby. I was just thinking about you.

Come on in.

I was just thinking about you too.

Look, Pam.

I get what you were saying over at Nipsey's.

Come on now, Tommy.

It was just girls' night out, that's all.

Every couple needs it's breathing room.

I mean, you don't see Martin on top of Gina all the time.

Oh, so you want me to be like Martin?

Hell no!

All I'm saying is, is that I don't want

this relationship to get stale.

I mean, it's-it's good that we be apart.

That way, when we do get together..

...it'll be even...hotter.

Oh! So you mean..

...hot...like this?

- No, no, no. - No?

I mean, hot like this.

Like this.

Like this.

Oh, well, in that case, I can stay gone for about a week.

- No, I didn't-- - Hahaha.

- You thought, you really did.. - Don't even try.

Oh! That hurt. That hurt.

I can see you still have your skills.

Yes, I do indeed.

Hey, you remember when I won you that big engraved bowl?

Gina was so excited, she got up on the table. She was dancin'.

Oh! Oh, baby.

You dancing on tables, huh? What's with that? I didn't know.

Spring break in Florida, you remember?

Uh...no.

Spring break? No. I don't recall that.

- Yeah, I guess not. - I'm sorry.

We went through a whole lot

of tequila that night.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Drinking tequila, and dancing on table tops.

Baby, you shock me!

I really don't think that that was me.

Oh, come on, Gina.

You and your sorority sisters up on the table

singin' and steppin', and doin' the butt.

No, no. It wasn't me.

- It wasn't me. - Yeah.

Come on, Gina.

Oh! But wait a minute.

Martin and I used to have some good times, huh, Martin?

Well, don't, don't, don't tap into that today.

Huh, remember in Jamaica?

- Oh! Why you.. - Huh?

Haha.

You won the limbo contest

at the Pelican Inn Hotel.

Ha-ha, come on. Arrr!

Come on, Martin.

- Come here. - 'Yeah, baby?'

You took her to the Pelican Inn.

- 'Yeah.' - To Jamaica.

Where we're gonna spend our honeymoon?

Uh, yeah baby, I, for security reasons, I wanted

to make sure the island was straight for you.

It's a great hotel, girl. You're gonna have a good time.

Just make sure that he wears

those leopard print Speedos on the beach.

Leopard-skin trunks?

Martin, how tacky. That is just tacky.

What about you? You dancing on tables

and-and carrying on and eatin' 'tato skins.

Please, please, please, please. That was just one--

That was just one time, Martin. Please.

Well, I thought I knew you.

Well, I thought I knew you too.

Mr. I-write-the-songs.

Well, what about you doing the butt, Gina? Doing the butt.

And-and eating 'tato skins?

What about you with your leopard-skin drawers?

Wait a minute. Leopard-skin drawers was in style back then.

Okay, you float on the beach with your leopards.

You float with your leopards.

Martin, an afro with leopard-skin drawers.

- Leopard drawers was the thing. - Oh, can I, wait a minute.

I think y'all are just blowing this all out of proportion.

Okay, now, wait a minute. You got to mind your business.

This between me and my lady on this one.

Martin. Why won't you lighten up?

You're being way too hard on Gina.

Excuse me, Derrick but you don't check my man, okay?

Yeah, that's right. You nobody check me, man.

I'm about to stomp your ass in the wild, Derrick.

Okay, I'll send you over to a general hospital.

Wait, you don't need to talk to Derrick like that.

Martin, you've become a little too rude.

- Excuse me, Miss Thing. - Huh?

But you don't tell my man he's becoming rude, okay?

He has always been rude.

- That's right. - You don't tell him that.

That-that's right. That's right.

Gina, you used to be a classy lady.

- Ho, ho, ho. Man, I.. - Did you hear..

Man, I'd take a cue ball, let me tell you something.

My lady is still classy, man, okay?

Now, take the stick out of your ass.

Okay, see now, that is enough.

I'm tired, I'm so sick of you people.

I don't even know why I came here.

Big Papa, can you please give me a ride home?

Ooh.

I love it when you call me Big Papa.

- Step on out! - Get out!

He was playing a jealousy game, alright?

What y'all looking at?

- I mean well? - Okay.

- You know what I'm sayin'? - You're right. You're right.

I mean, what they wanna do, you know?

- It's all good. - I mean, they got, so what?

- It's-it's cool. - What?

It's on the chill. It's on the calm down.

- Alright. Alright there. - Oh.

Okay. Woo-hoo!

Hoo!

- We handled them. - Ewww!

- Ew what? What? - Ew, Martin.

I can't believe you went out with somebody like her.

What do you mean?

Martin, please.

Are you asking me how low can I go?

Yes.

It depends on what I'm going low for.

Don't start that stuff up.

- Yeah. - Whoo.

Okay, we finally got the list..

down to something me and you both agree on.

Which is good, right?

I'm glad we could work this out, baby.

- I really am. - Well-well, I am too.

Oh, oh, hold on. Oh, man.

Alright, dilemma. Dilemma.

What?

Where's Mr. Jim, my barber, baby?

Where-where's Jim?

I took him off. Took him off. He's gone.

What do you mean you took him off?

Baby, how am I get a cut, huh?

How am I getting my line, huh?

How am I getting my line? My shape, baby.

Put him back on. I want him on.

Martin, if you invite him, I'm sorry.

I'm puttin' Titus my hairdresser back on. He goes on.

I don't give a damn if Titus is back on.

- Okay? - That's--

Ah, eh-eh If Titus wants to be back on

long as you put Mrs. Tallaver back on.

That woman saved my life, baby.

I could have been here, Gina.

Come on, now.

If Mrs. Tallaver goes back on

my father is going back on this list. My father's going on.

We gonna have to start this thing over again, okay?

Now, you start with the first one.