Original subtitles

Now here's my good skittle.

Martin's got so many pots and pans around here

you think somebody know how to cook.

I know how to cook, Mrs. Payne.

Look, this is what I was trying to make

for Thanksgiving dessert.

A Chestnut souffle.

Chestnuts who?

Look if you wanna cook some Capello's taters

and don't stop until your hands are bloody.

Please, breathing all down my back or up my neck.

Make mama think you want some of me.

Well, I don't swing that way, alright?

Ooh.

Look, it is Thanksgiving today, okay?

My parents are coming all the way from Philadelphia

just to meet you.

It would really mean a lot to me

if we could just call it a truce for just one day.

Okay, mama?

Mama?

You ain't no kin to me.

Why do I even have to meet your family?

It's not like you and my son's ever gonna get married. Huh?

Yeah, I said it.

Oh, Lord!

Got my blood pressure all up trying to cross the families.

Ooh, Lord! Ooh!

That would kill you, wouldn't it?

Don't play with me, Gina. Don't play with me.

'Ooh, Lord.'

- Hello? - God!

No, Martin isn't here.

Really?

Oh, what a surprise!

No. No, we'd love to have you.

Yes, yes. Okay.

The address is 24th main, East 23rd street, apartment 42.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, see you then. Bye.

Ooh, Martin's letting you answer his phone now?

He must be getting soft.

Who was that?

That was your Brother Junior and his son Sonny.

They're in town, looks like they're gonna stop by.

Surprise!

Junior? Sonny?

You gave them the address? You told them to come here?

Yeah, they're your family and it's Thanksgiving I just..

Ah! Gina, no!

Oh!

Gina! Gina!

Okay, um, I got to lay low for a few days.

Okay? I would tell you where, Gina

but I'm afraid they'll sweat it out of you.

Damn the steps. I can't use steps.

Move! Move! Move!

I'll buy you new dishes!

Shut up!

- I gotta get outta here! - Wait!

My shoe! Give me my shoe!

'Move! Move out of the away! Mama's out to move!'

Box of mashed potatoes..

Yeah, baby, uh-huh, canned pumpkin pie, Gina?

I mean, now that's a damn shame, baby, okay?

Thank you, Gina, for ruining

my favorite holiday. Appreciate that.

Look, I didn't know what your family was gonna be like.

Yeah, Gina, they're out there

they're wild, they like the show out.

Alright? The just show out.

I mean, who else did you invite, baby?

My boy Tupac?

Snoop Doggy Dogg, huh?

Uh-uh, LeVar Burton, "The King and I," Tom and Jerry?

I'm sure they all want a piece of this.

Maybe they'll hit off, I don't know.

Yeah, baby, they will hit it off, okay?

My Uncle Junior will be hitting on your mom.

Your pops will wanna hit in them.

They get to fighting, it'll be one big

turkey bash up in here.

- Happy Thanksgiving. - Happy Thanksgiving.

'Oh, gal. Gal.'

Yo, Gina, pass me the pork rind, girl, the game's about to start.

Uh-uh-uh-uh, in a minute, Cole.

Check this out, brother. Bust this.

Uh, Gina ran my mama off again..

...and invited a couple of my crazy kinfolk.

Oh, Martin, calm down, man.

We all have crazy kinfolk.

See, in my house, can't get big mama to keep her drawers on.

Wait a minute, Tommy, we're talking about

Martin's family here.

- I-I'm petrified. - Well, you should be, alright?

'Cause my cousin Sonny, he think he Eddie Murphy, you know.

And-and check it out, he a straight-up thief.

I just gotta tell you the truth.

So, watch your valuables.

Say, wait a minute.

You ain't got to tell me twice, see.

Uh-uh, no, no, no, Pam, Pam, you ain't got to worry.

I mean, Cousin Sonny knows swap-me-jewelry when he sees it.

- Shut up! - Seriously.

Now, my Uncle Junior, that's who you gotta worry about.

'Cause he's trouble when he gets to drink.

So give me the beer, give me the wine, alright.

Cole, go in the bathroom

dump all the cough syrup and mouthwash out!

Uh-huh, go ahead, Cole.

Before you do that just swish a little bit of that

around in your mouth.

And take it to the back. Alright, baby.

Yo, now check this out, y'all gonna trip up.

My, uh, Uncle Junior is very sensitive

about his lazy crazy eye.

He's cock-eyed, okay?

No, I'm serious, don't laugh 'cause it's not funny, man.

He's sensitive, he hurt his eye in Nam, okay?

Gina, you think he's talking to you when he's really right here.

What up! Yo, he be like "Return of the Dead Eye," right?

Eh, yo! Wait a minute--

Cole, Cole, you might wanna stop playin'.

The last brother who did that wound up in a hospital, alright?

Yeah, right. What'd he do to him?

Let's just say you'll never see him..

Well, guys, look on the bright side.

I'm cooking my first Thanksgiving meal.

Good luck.

- Cole? - Yeah?

W-what time Big Shirley say she was frying that turkey?

Uh, from about- 00 till- 00.

You know, I-I think we've runnin' a tad bit late.

- Oh. - Alright, fine.

Y'all gonna leave, y'all gonna roll? Fine, we ain't mad at ya.

You sure you don't want no canned pumpkin pie?

- I'm fine, thank you. - Peace out!

- Have a good one. - Take care.

Happy Thanks.. Boom.

Uh, beady-bee..

...y-you could be gone..

Is it beady-bead or silk now? Okay, um..

Y-you, you can be gone too.

- I would, Martin. - Yeah.

But I have no place else to go.

Oh, well, I guess I'm the Head Manager.

Ladies, bring it to the front, alright.

Now, check this out, follow my lead.

And we can have my cousins outta here

before Gina's parents get here, or else

all hell is gonna break loose, okay?

- Baby, I need you. okay? - Yeah.

Need you to cook the food. You handle the food, okay?

You can do it, it's your mission, eh.

Come on, stop it, eh.

Love's in your face. Eh, love's in your face.

- Alright. - Me.

Me. What about me?

Alright, you know

this is special to me and you can talk

for once and not always cutting on each other.

- T-that straight up, okay? - Word. Word. Definitely.

Now, I need you more than ever, okay?

- For real? - Yeah, baby.

I need you to do what you do.

- What? - Run men away.

Yo, yo! I think they're leaving, they're leaving.

They just passed the apartment.

Alright, shh-shh, don't say anything

'cause they can hear us.

Now, who's ass I gotta kick

to get myself a beer off up in here?

Ooh!

Well, Uncle Junior, Cousin Sonny.

Thanks for dressing for the occasion, what's up?

- Is that you, Martin? - Yeah.

- Sonny! - What's up, man?

Cousin Martin, all big and everything.

That body never caught up with those years though, did it?

- That's Martin? - Yeah, Sonny, give him a hug.

He's family!

Hey, hey, you got, you gotten strong there, boy.

Lookin' like the Golden Jet.

Hey, you like that?

Hey, you know, I got this up on Sammy's suit shop down on 24th.

I could get you one, if you want one.

Oh, no, no. I'm cool, I'm straight.

- Alright. - Okay, okay.

Ooh..

Nice watch you got on there, Cuz.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is a nice watch I got on.

Uh-huh, and it tells time real good.

Right now it say, what..

Three to five.

Lock down.

Bo-boom!

I see what you're getting at.

Hey, thank you for letting me know, Cuz.

- Alright. - Hey, hey, hey.

- Ah! - Hey, this your second hug.

Alright, alright.

Alright.

- Well then.. - Yeah.

Whoo!

Now, look at you, Martin.

You got two Tender Ronies in the house.

Vanilla and chocolate.

Two big old dips.

You're just like your uncle, boy.

Yeah, well, you know

got to put my bid in for my dips.

Yeah, well, this is my sweety here.

This is Gina, it's my baby, she's doing all the cooking.

And, uh, this is her lonely friend Pam.

You a bad Pamajama!

I got my eye on you!

- Which one? - What? What?

- Pam? Pam? - What?

Come on, now, calm it down. Bring it down, bring it down.

Bring it down, bring it down.

- Sor.. I didn't.. - She didn't.. She wasn't..

She didn't, she didn't mean it. She didn't mean it, okay?

She-she was talking about which one you're talking about.

What dip you're talking about, chocolate

or vanilla, that's all.

I'm talking about you, Chocolate!

Now, watch your tone! I hate to have to shoot up

another kitchen around here.

Edna? Where's Edna at?

Edna?

Um, Unc-Unc-Uncle Junior, my m-mama's not gonna be here, man.

Yeah, but she's really..

She said she was really sorry she couldn't..

- She missed you. - Yeah, that's what she told us.

Oh, w.. Yeah.

What? My sister's not coming?

Oh, no, man!

Oh, I know, I know, I know.

D-don't.. I know.. Don't... No, man.

Listen, I know, see, you gotta go.

It-it wouldn't be the same.

Listen, this would be nothing..

Look, I know, I know, listen.

I love my kinfolk, I love you.

If you're ever in town, please, try and find me, alright? Now..

- Hey! - We're here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mommy, daddy?

- Martin. - Yeah.

- I got it. - Come here, mommy.

Hi, sweety, how are you?

Dr. Waters. Mrs. Waters.

Uh, my kinfolk was just getting ready to leave

so they want to say bye-bye.

Bye-bye? Bu we haven't even had the chance to meet them yet.

Nadine, if they must leave

let them go.

Hell no! This is where the party is.

Mm, hmm-mm.

Mom wants a brickhouse!

Daddy. Daddy, mommy, um, you guys are early

I wasn't expecting you for another couple of hours.

We caught an earlier flight.

We tried to call you at your place

to let you know, but you weren't there.

- All night long. - Oh, now, please.

I know Martin keeping Gina busy all night long.

If he's anything like me.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!

Yo-yo, Uncle Junior, man.

Yo, you want to chill, okay.

These are my girl's parents, chill.

Y'all get busy, didn't you?

Yeah, we gettin' busy, I ain't no punk.

I mean, just last night I had her on the fire escape.

- I had to.. - Okay.

Can we not talk about this in front of my parents, please?

Okay. He-he pulled me into it, boo.

He pulled me into it, that's all.

I'm gonna go check on dinner.

Okay. Uncle Junior, man.

Uh, can I help you with your coat, Mrs. Waters?

- Oh, thank you. - Yes, yes, yes.

Yo, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny, I got that, brah.

- I got that. I got-- - Yo, Martin, let go, man.

- Yo, I got this.. Yo, Sonny-- - Let me get this one, man.

Let me get this one, man! Damn!

Alright, fine. Fine. Okay.

You know..

Looks good, Sonny.

It'll look good in a penitentiary too.

I'm sure a lot of fellas wanna dance with you, with it on, huh?

Huh, penitentiary fellas dancing, huh?

I see where your going with that, brah.

Uh-huh, cool, right.

You know.

Yo, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny, brah.

Where you going, man?

I was fixing to go to the bathroom.

Ba-ba! Straight ahead. Okay?

Yeah, yeah, smell, smell the aquafresh.

Right ahead, alright. Thank you.

I was.. I thought..

What do you do for a living, doc?

I'm a doctor.

Damn.

I thought that was your nickname.

You doctors get all the women, don't you?

Don't you, soldier?

Do you know what's wrong with all you doctors?

No, but I'm sure you'll tell us.

You're weak.

I'm not a doctor.

But, red, grab that.

- No, grab it, grab it! - It's very nice.

That's what a real man feel like.

Something for you to shoot for, doc.

Hey, Martin, red can't keep her hands off me.

You know, Uncle Junior, please, chill, man.

Go ahead with that. Leave the, Leave the Waters alone.

Come on, now, alright?

Uncle Junior, you ought to chill, man.

- Alright? Cut it out. - Get me a drink!

Man, I ain't getting you.. No, you cut off! You cut off!

You ain't getting, none. You cut off.

No, no, no!

You know what, Gina, now that I think about it

girl, I do have some place to go.

Oh, no, no, no, you aren't leaving me

in this hell hole by myself.

You better get to cooking!

Doc, how many push-ups can you do?

Uncle Junior, don't start that, man, please.

I have no idea.

Well, let's find out.

You and me.

To make it interesting

the one who do the most push-up

get a chance to be strong for red.

Whoa, you're so pretty.

Like a sweet glass of wine.

I'm not getting into any stupid

competition with you over my wife.

- There you go. - Martin, keep count.

Come on, unc..

Come on, Uncle Junior.

- One. - Bang!

- Two. - Bang-bang!

- Three. - Bang-bang-bang!

You better jump in here, doc. He's three up on you, man.

Five.

Nadine, please don't encourage him.

Oh, come on, Cliff, he's funny.

For real? I mean, come on.

My Uncle Junior takes your wife..

Maybe she's not the woman you thought she was

you know what I'm saying?

Got a little freak in her.

Won't go on without you..

Y-you know what I'm saying?

I'm gonna check on the eggs.

Uh, baby, you gonna have to hurry up, okay

with this turkey, I can't keep this together much longer, okay?

Martin, relax. It's almost done.

Are you sure, Gina? Because it looks a little ashy

around about the elbows.

Don't complain about my cookin', okay?

Babe, I'm not complaining. Babe, I'm not--

Shut up, Martin, okay?

'Cause your not doing such a great job hosting this--

Hey, I'm handling my business. I'm handling my business.

You're handling your business?

You're handling.. Then what is that?

Cliff, stop.

Please, woman, don't you see I'm busy?

Doc, hold on a second, let me, let me get a better grip.

See, my grip ain't good.

My grip ain't good. Ah!

I won. Red, give a big kiss to the winner.

Hey, that's it! That's it!

No, hold on. No, no. No, no.

For Chri.. Yo, you a doctor, man.

Ain't gonna be no fighting..

I will not hold up until Cyclops here stops eye-balling my wife.

Oh, no, you didn't!

Yeah, I did!

You didn't talk about that bad eye!

Yeah, I did! Yeah, I did!

Don't let me start kicking

some ass off up in here.

Bring it, let's see what you've got, Popeye!

Oh, I'll show you what I got in my boot!

He going to the boots!

- The boots, Gina! - You got something?

Well, I got something too!

- 'Mommy!' - She's about to start capping!

She's capping!

Would y'all stop it?

Just stop it! Everybody, get up!

Nobody is capping anybody!

Martin, get up!

Tell your mama to put away the gun.

Tell your mama to put away the gun.

My mother does not have a gun.

Mommy, would you please tell him

you don't have a gun in your purse.

Well, of course, I don't.

Let's get outta here.

Come on, Gina.

- No. - What?

Daddy, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you.

Look, Martin and I are gonna be together for a very long time.

And we all are just gonna have to learn how to get along.

We're family, all of us.

That's right, you know, baby, you're right.

We all family, you know.

Martin, baby, I'm talking.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

Um, we're gonna sit down.

We're gonna give thanks.

And we're gonna eat, okay?

I ain't got nothing to be thankful for.

You people out here are crazy!

Junior..

...you should be glad that you still have one good eye.

Because I've been tempting to take that out all night.

Just sling it!

She says she gonna sling it, I thought she's gonna say fling.

But she say sling.

Sonny! You're not Eddie Murphy, okay?

Aight?

And, daddy..

Daddy, you should be thankful that you are still willing

to make a fool out of yourself for mommy.

Ha! That's right.

There it is, you know why? Because everybody

plays a fool sometimes.

You know what I'm saying? Hey, baby, Happy Thanksgiving.

Can we eat? Can we throw down?

- I'll carve the turkey. - Bam!

- Thank you, daddy. - There it is, you know.

Thank you. My first turkey, everybody.

Hey, baby. Baby, he all city now, huh?

He know one thing!

My first.. My first turkey.

Hey, listen, everybody, please.

Please, listen up. Um, this is my baby's first turkey.

Her first Thanksgiving..

This special girl, y-you're something.

- Thank you. - Uh.. Ahem.

Let's get praise to the man upstairs.

Without him there's no us. Here we go.

Put the head down.

Ah, there it is.

So, please, please, please, please, let's eat.

Girl, you smashed it, baby, I love you.

- Let's do this. - Carve it up, daddy.

- Turkey time. - Carve it up, daddy.

'Uh..'

Ah!

No!

No! No! No! No!

Mm, mm, girl, now that's a good turkey sandwich, you hear me?

Mm-hmm.

- Martin? - Yeah, baby?

Thanksgiving was horrible.

Oh, no, babe, no, it wasn't. It wasn't that bad.

I mean, you know, our families got together.

You know, and thank God there was no bloodshed.

Except for the turkey.

You know, that's what I'm thankful for.

You know.

I'm thankful I have you.

I love you, Martin.

Say-say-say that again.

- I said, I love you. - Mm

I love you too, girl.

- Hey, love's in your face. - Love's in your face.

Love's in your face.

My baby.

What's up?

Yo, yo, Bruh-Man, hold on, man.

No, I'm tired of this, man.

You ain't just gonna keep disrespecting me

coming up in my place like that, man.

Wassup, Bruh-Man? Wassup?

Well, my bad.

But this ain't for me though.

- What? - It's for your mama.

My ma.. My mama? You, you..

No, man, your real mama.

She up in my apartment.

Wh-wha..

What is my mama doin' at your apartment?

Nuttin'. Just chillin'.

Say she's laying low from the relatives.

So we're just gonna make a couple of sandwiches

and set this Thanksgiving off.

Yeah.

If you're looking for us, we're upstairs.

- Uh-huh. Fifth floor. - Fifth floor.

Yeah, okay.

Yo, you didn't have to quit! I was gonna give you your money!

Oh, man.

Peace.