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1
00:00:04,371 --> 00:00:06,906
Oh, wassup baby?
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,341
Baby, I got it!
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,077
- You got the promotion?
- Yes, Martin!
4
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:14,080
And Pam got bumped up
to my old job, Martin.
5
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,248
Wait a minute.
6
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:16,649
Buckshot's got bumped up?
7
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:19,085
Beady B got bumped up?
8
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,755
Yes, Martin. Beady B Buckshot
got bumped up.
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,757
W-whatever. Y-you, baby, you.
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,994
You are now looking at
the new assistant director.
11
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:31,264
What? Girl, you get enough paid,
you know that, hah?
12
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,701
Assistant director.
13
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,937
Is that why you're looking
so sexy tonight, girl, huh?
14
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,608
Well, maybe you can assist me
in the bedroom.
15
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,109
Oh, no, no.
16
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,778
Tonight..
17
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,447
... I will be directin'
in the bedroom.
18
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,950
Oh, oh, oh, so,
now that you got the promotion
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,619
I guess you're going
for the raise.
20
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,121
- I'm going for the raise.
- Ah, the raise.
21
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:46,306
Congratulations, Gina.
22
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:49,342
- Pam told us all about it.
- Thank you, Tom.
23
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,010
Y'all gettin' paid now, huh?
24
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,446
Yes, yes, I'm making
so much money now
25
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,348
I might start investing
in stocks.
26
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,584
Hey, well, fine.
I got a tip for you.
27
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,286
Lookin' at the back of your neck
28
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:03,823
uh, hot comb stocks away.
29
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,593
- Martin.
- Way up!
30
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:08,361
You know what, Martin?
31
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,096
You're just jealous.
32
00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:11,831
Face it, bro.
33
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:14,334
You've been in the same job
for what..
34
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:15,702
...two years, now?
35
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:19,639
Your career is going
absolutely nowhere.
36
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,274
Wassup?
37
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,676
'Mm-hmm, I said it.'
38
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:25,378
You know...
39
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,614
See, I was just playin'
with you, okay?
40
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:28,982
But you just got real.
41
00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:30,517
Now, you know I'm sensitive
about my job.
42
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:31,985
You didn't have to go there.
43
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:34,020
Well, you know I'm sensitive
about my buckshots.
44
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,555
You didn't have to go there.
45
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,057
Okay, okay, but there's
a big difference, alright?
46
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,026
A good job is hard to come by
47
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:43,196
but they got Dark and Lovely on
damn near every corner you pass!
48
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:44,464
- See?
- Okay?
49
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:45,732
Now, lube it down, Beady B.
50
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,734
There ain't no excuse.
Lube it down.
51
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:51,738
You come up into my place
52
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,339
you lucky I let you in it.
53
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:54,574
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
54
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,309
- Hey, hey!
- Hey!
55
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,744
- Hey!
- So..
56
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:01,181
Pam! Pam, the kitchen is fine.
57
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,248
I know that!
58
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,853
Check again.
59
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,988
- And Martin, Martin.
- Yeah. Yeah.
60
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:10,690
You're exactly
where you should be
61
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,026
where Varnell Hill
was two years ago.
62
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:14,827
He started off with WZUP
63
00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:16,029
look at him, now.
64
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,830
The man is bigger
than our city, yo.
65
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:19,232
Well, he's in town.
66
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:21,367
I cleaned the plane
he came off of last night.
67
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:25,205
Varnell Hill.
Now he makes me laugh.
68
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,607
He was very funny
when he was on WZUP
69
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,409
and now he's the man.
70
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:30,944
Oh, yeah.
He's large now.
71
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,412
I mean, you know, I hear
they're thinkin' of naming
72
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:33,446
a day after him.
73
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,948
Really? As in a holiday?
74
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,884
No, no, I mean like
Monday, Tuesday..
75
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,552
...Varnell, Thursday.
76
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,689
Eh, man please, alright?
77
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:43,690
Varnell's wack.
78
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,892
He's a sellout.
It ain't funny.
79
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,294
W-w-what's the line
he always say?
80
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,896
"Did you miss me?"
81
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,431
Man, please.
82
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:53,733
I like that one.
83
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,370
Baby, look.
84
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,072
Look, don't you worry about it.
85
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:01,140
You'll be as large as Varnell.
86
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,575
And you got a lot going for you.
87
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,544
In fact, my man, my baby
88
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:08,481
is hosting the opening of the
new community center tomorrow.
89
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,784
Girl, I, girl, I forgot
about the community center.
90
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:14,654
Look at you,
lookin' out for your man.
91
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,155
Uh, that's right.
That's right.
92
00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,257
I'm gettin' ready to blow up.
93
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:18,658
I'm headin' to the top.
94
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,461
And you know what? I'mma buy you
that big house you want.
95
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,062
Look at you with the blush, huh.
96
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:24,564
Look at you.
97
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:25,798
- Tommy, Cole.
- Yo, 'sup?
98
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:27,233
You got Porche.
99
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,503
- Oh, you knew that.
- You know what I'm sayin'.
100
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,505
Alright, Pam.
You'll be there too.
101
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,342
You'll have a saddle
on your back
102
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,111
to give my kid horsey rides.
103
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,589
Stan, my man.
104
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,257
See, this is the kind
of publicity
105
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:52,925
I'm talkin' about, brother.
106
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:55,161
New Jackeo.
107
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,796
See, these are the big boys.
108
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,097
- The big sponsors, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
109
00:04:58,164 --> 00:04:59,532
This is a classy event,
you know.
110
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,368
They've got free giveaways,
valet parkin'..
111
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,538
Uh, Shawn,
there's no valet parkin'.
112
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,141
Oh, yeah?
Then who'd I give my car to?
113
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:10,877
I'll be right back.
114
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:15,448
Oh, Stan, look at all
these people.
115
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:16,382
My people, Stan.
116
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,017
See, they're here to see me.
117
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:21,854
'Cause they know I'm finally
stompin' with the big dawgs.
118
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,122
Sure, you're right.
119
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:24,324
So, what's up, Stan?
120
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:25,391
When do I give my speech?
121
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:26,659
When do I cut the ribbon?
122
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:27,994
Uh, Martin, now look
123
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,396
there's been a slight change
in plan, okay?
124
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,665
Look, Varnell Hill is in town
125
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,567
and he's givin' the speech.
126
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,235
- Varnell Hill?
- Martin, look.
127
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,670
I had no choice, man.
128
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:38,905
Varnell is huge.
129
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,073
He's so large
130
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,174
they're even comin' out
131
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,509
with a Varnell Hill
Nintendo game.
132
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,411
No, no, no.
Forget Varnell, alright?
133
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,647
This is Detroit.
These are my people, man.
134
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,349
Damn it, Stan.
I will be heard.
135
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:51,217
Excuse me, Stan.
Alright?
136
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:53,553
Yo, wassup,
people, wassup?
137
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:54,687
Ha-ha!
138
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:55,755
Where's Varnell?
139
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,023
Alright, look, look, look.
140
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,558
You might wanna sit down,
Zulu lady.
141
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,260
- Sit down.
- I'd love me some Varnell.
142
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,862
He's all of that.
143
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,530
Uh, Ms. Geri, now we done been
144
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,432
through this
in church before, okay?
145
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,101
Now, excuse me
146
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,036
but I will fight an old lady.
147
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,237
I'm warnin' you.
148
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,406
If I don't get me
some Varnell soon
149
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:16,776
I'm gon' turn this mother out.
150
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:17,910
Slow your roll, alright.
151
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,212
Slow your roll.
152
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:21,381
Slow your roll,
'cause damn it, I will be heard.
153
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:23,783
Thank you. That's all-
154
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,952
Thank you.
That's all I asked.
155
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,482
Did you miss me?
156
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:07,260
You know, I may be one of
the biggest stars in Hollywood
157
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,895
but it wouldn't mean
a damn thing
158
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:12,231
if I couldn't bring it back
to the community.
159
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,903
A place where I'm from.
160
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,573
So, don't forget
to watch my TV show
161
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,009
go see my movies, buy them CDs,
cassettes and albums.
162
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,310
They're available in the back
163
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:25,745
and all that
in the hot wheel track.
164
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,613
You can best..
165
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:29,615
That's right!
166
00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:31,918
Oh, consider this
community center..
167
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:34,954
...open.
168
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,662
Oh, Varnell,
where's the party tonight?
169
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:45,164
Uh, Latifah, party's right here.
170
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,536
Play that funky music,
white boy.
171
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,707
Varnell..
172
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,044
- Varnell.
- Stan.
173
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,345
Hey, come on over here.
174
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,514
You remember my main man
Martin Payne?
175
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,783
He was an intern at the station
when you left.
176
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,384
Uh, yeah.
177
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,719
As a matter of fact
I do remember him.
178
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,688
I don't recognize him
without the mop bucket.
179
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:10,623
You used to go out with that
little red blonde, am I right?
180
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,225
Hey, man.
I'll tell you what, man.
181
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,027
Give me a, uh,
cup of coffee, no cream.
182
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:18,898
I'm sorry, brother, but I ain't
no damn coffee boy, alright?
183
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,567
I happen to have
the Number 1 morning show
184
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:22,902
in all of Detroit, brother.
185
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,071
- That's pretty good, man.
- Look here..
186
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,173
Varnell, if you're gonna be here
tomorrow mornin'
187
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,407
why don't you come on down to
the station
188
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,809
and do Martin's show?
189
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,677
- Does that mean free publicity?
- Free publicity.
190
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:32,979
- Hold up, Stan.
- I will be there.
191
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,580
- Varnell..
- Uh, okay.
192
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,982
Hey, look, I'll see you
tomorrow, huh?
193
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:38,050
- Alright, okay.
- And, Martin..
194
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:40,052
- Remember one thing, huh.
- Yeah.
195
00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:43,089
There's two things that are
important in this world.
196
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,191
Both of them are love.
197
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:46,325
You chill, yeah?
198
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,094
I'm outta here.
Hey, Snooki!
199
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,530
There's a crowd between me
and my car. Straighten it out.
200
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:55,434
- Did the brother smack me?
- I guess he did.
201
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,436
Hey, Martin, I-I'm just gonna go
get an autograph.
202
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,405
I'll be back in a minute,
alright?
203
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:00,907
Oh, so this is it?
204
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,776
I get showed up by Varnell,
he smacks me.
205
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,879
Oh, oh, the old lady
wants to rub on me.
206
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:08,114
So I guess this is it.
207
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,616
I done hit rock bottom.
208
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,252
I don't know, God.
I mean, wassup?
209
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:14,687
What'd I do?
210
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:18,724
I mean...does it get any worse?
Does it..
211
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,393
Hi, can I get your autograph?
212
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,963
Oh..
213
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:31,804
Oh..
214
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,142
Well..
215
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:40,479
I love the kids.
I-love-the-kids.
216
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,584
Oh..
217
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,752
And I love you too,
Gary Coleman.
218
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,165
Girl, I can't believe
I got that corner office.
219
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,767
Yep. The one with
the big window, too.
220
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:04,136
Ah! You're burnin' me.
221
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:06,505
Sorry, here.
222
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,506
There you go..
223
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,609
And-and my own receptionist
224
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,844
- Do you know Kevin?
- Yeah, I know Kevin.
225
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,145
He's cute.
226
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:14,747
You think he's gay?
227
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:18,084
I don't know, but I know
his boyfriend definitely is.
228
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:21,520
Damn. Why'd good-lookin'
brothers got to be gay?
229
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,423
Why can't...Cole be gay?
230
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,426
'Yeah'
231
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:28,995
'You know, Gina,
this promotion'
232
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,697
is like the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
233
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,366
I'm making so much more money
234
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,635
and I am getting treated
with much respect.
235
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,803
- You know what I'm sayin'?
- Pam, Pam, Pam. Shh, shh.
236
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,705
Martin's still down
about his job.
237
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,541
Girl, he doesn't wanna hear
anybody's good news right now.
238
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,943
- Okay?
- So?
239
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:49,048
Hey, I just found a $50 bill.
240
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,450
I mean it was sittin'
right outside the door, right?
241
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,552
Martin, anybody could've
found this, brother
242
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,454
but, but I did.
243
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:57,723
Damn, life is good!
244
00:10:58,824 --> 00:10:59,859
That's right, Tommy.
245
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,193
And you know what, brother?
246
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:02,895
It just got
that much better, okay?
247
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,730
Because I got, right here
248
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:09,869
five tickets to anywhere
you wanna go...in the US.
249
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,237
What, for real?
250
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,805
Love me, love me.
251
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,141
- Forget all that.
- Cole.
252
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:16,242
Where'd you get
the tickets from?
253
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,743
You busted a hook-up, alright?
254
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,745
Now, all you need
to know is this..
255
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,082
Us four here, we the Warnburgs.
256
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,685
Alright?
257
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,154
- And Tommy.
- Mmm.
258
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,256
You're our Danish nanny Ooter.
259
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,926
Cole, these are real tickets.
260
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,494
Yeah, girl.
I know they are.
261
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,264
And check it, we could go
anywhere we wanna go, right?
262
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,433
I say we go down South.
263
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,500
Uh-huh.
264
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,269
Visit us some rednecks.
265
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,171
Start a little trouble,
get a little payback.
266
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,707
You know what I'm sayin'?
Y'all with me?
267
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,509
Bump that.
I say we go to Hawaii.
268
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,945
That's the place!
269
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,414
Oh, dear!
That's right, yo.
270
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:58,084
Hawaii's part
of America now, damn.
271
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,354
Well, chuck it. Anyway look,
we gotta use these real quick.
272
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:04,957
Alright. There's a catch. We
gotta do it within three weeks.
273
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,225
- Three weeks.
- What?
274
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,027
Cole, I just got a promotion.
275
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:10,229
I can't take a vacation
that soon.
276
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,530
Me neither.
277
00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:14,233
Thanks for buildin' our hopes up
for nothin'.
278
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:18,104
Excuse me.
279
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:22,575
You know, I think Ooter comin'
down with somethin'.
280
00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:24,577
Uh-uh.
281
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,245
Yeah, I think I'm comin' down
with it too.
282
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,315
It's one of those seven-day
Hawaiian flu.
283
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,316
Oopsie, Gina.
284
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,318
See, you all up in here.
285
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:37,823
I-I got it.
286
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,058
- I got it.
- We got it.
287
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,826
- I got it.
- We got it!
288
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,429
No, wait, all of y'all..
289
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,132
...need to be ashamed
of yourselves.
290
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:49,668
- Lyin' like that.
- Martin, baby.
291
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,937
I know you're still down
about work and everything
292
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:55,174
but maybe a vacation will be the
perfect thing for you, honey.
293
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,676
Yeah, well I might as well go,
Gina. Alright?
294
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,979
I ain't got nothin' else
goin' on here.
295
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,781
Dang, Martin.
296
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:04,016
I didn't know
you were feelin' that bad.
297
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,319
Yeah, Pam. I mean
I don't joke all the time.
298
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,755
Damn.
299
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,926
But who cares?
I'm goin' to Hawaii.
300
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:18,330
And we're back
301
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,132
with Varnell Hill.
302
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,034
Did you miss me?
303
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,502
Yeah, brother.
They-they-they miss you.
304
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:25,638
That's why I cut that
last commercial short.
305
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:27,540
Okay, I was afraid
people would call in
306
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,609
"Where's Varnell?
We miss him."
307
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:34,947
"We miss him."
You are funny.
308
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,316
Thank you.
309
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,885
Look, we gotta go to phones
to take a call.
310
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,854
Caller, wassup?
311
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,022
Wassup?
312
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:48,394
Whass... That is funny.
You are funny, man.
313
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,030
You.. Okay, you're gonna walk
in the footsteps next, brother?
314
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,865
Okay, damn! Alright?
315
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:55,367
- Are you writin' my stuff down?
- I wouldn't do that, man.
316
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,904
Okay, well it seems that way,
you're jottin'.
317
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,540
This is doodlin', man.
My creativity's got to be fed.
318
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,742
Alright, well,
caller are you there?
319
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,045
'Yeah, I just wanna say
I love you, Varnell.'
320
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,013
'And I watch your show
all the time.'
321
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,316
Excuse me.
322
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:13,085
Okay, first of all,
honey, alright.
323
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:17,756
When you're callin' to my show,
say hello to the host first.
324
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,391
Respect the host.
325
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:20,759
'Oh, sorry. Hi Martin.'
326
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,428
- 'So Varnell.'
- Yes.
327
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,698
'I saw you dedicating
that youth center on the news.'
328
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,900
'You're a wonderful
human being.'
329
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,370
You sound like a very wonderful
human being, yourself.
330
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:37,176
Probably as beautiful as an
early autumn pomegranate wine.
331
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:39,945
You see, baby, I don't do this
just for the recognition..
332
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:45,117
...I do it for the children.
333
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:19,585
Woo. Ha-ha.
334
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,421
Woo! Ha-Ha.
That was lovely.
335
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,722
That was beautiful.
336
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:27,092
Johnny Grant just signed you up.
My, my, my.
337
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,731
So... Oh, man.
Alright, look, look, look.
338
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:35,768
What the people wanna know is
about the real Varnell.
339
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,503
Varnell the man, okay?
340
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,838
Um, what kinda car
you drivin', brother?
341
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,675
Uh, actually, I, um,
I'm not drivin' anymore, man.
342
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,910
Oh, sorry to hear that.
343
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,847
I actually have a limo.
344
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,016
- Oh.
- Yeah, a Mercedes limo.
345
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,185
A Mercedes limo. You didn't have
to throw that in.
346
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,920
You rollin' like that, huh?
347
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:56,588
Alrighty, alrighty.
348
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,591
Rollin' like that,
rollin' like that.
349
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:01,860
Okay, well, um,
y-y-you got a big house?
350
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:02,962
You got acres?
351
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,097
Uh, we own half the county.
352
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,370
So you mean all that's you.
353
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,339
Whatever's in the county,
all that's you.
354
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:15,341
A lot of investments,
we bought homes.
355
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,542
We bought stores, retail.
356
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,843
What about basketball courts?
357
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,511
Um, brother, we like to ba..
What about that?
358
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,380
Actually, we don't have
an outdoor court
359
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,682
we have an indoor court,
white bleached wood.
360
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,184
Larry Bird was down
at the house, man.
361
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:26,218
Let me tell you somethin',
that--
362
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,453
Why don't you have the brothers
363
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,787
down there to play ball?
364
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:31,156
Why Larry Bird gotta
come to your house
365
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:32,658
to play ball?
366
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,393
Him and Jordan made that
McDonalds commercial there.
367
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,661
Do you remember that?
When they--
368
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:36,962
- That was your house?
- Exactly.
369
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,063
- That's where it started.
- Dang.
370
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,164
Okay, well enough about that.
371
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:40,366
Do you have a pool, brother,
372
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:41,567
you got a thing
you can swim, man
373
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,068
splat, you got that?
374
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,236
Don't have a pool.
You got me.
375
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,740
I thought I had your ass.
Ha-ha.
376
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:51,810
But we got a ten mile
lake out back.
377
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:52,911
- 'Lake?'
- We call it Lake Varnell.
378
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,747
Yes, catfish is delicious.
379
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,355
So, what I do
is I'd go out back, man.
380
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:10,095
Catch my reel, pull that out
381
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,598
fry it, dye it, lay it
to the side
382
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,266
red beans and gravy..
383
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,201
I ain't too lazy.
384
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:23,876
So, uh, uh-uh, you got cat fish
in the pool.
385
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,611
Brother, look, we gotta break
to commercial
386
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,712
we'll be right back.
387
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,180
Ain't this something?
388
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,249
Alright, alright, look,
maybe, maybe, okay
389
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,750
let me just sit down
and calm down.
390
00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:34,053
Okay, brother you got a..
391
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,955
A lake named after you
with catfish.
392
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,125
- Delicious.
- Catfish?, huh?
393
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,461
You got greens planted around
anywhere?
394
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,563
- I mean if you wanna.
- You got yams?
395
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,465
Actually, they're imported
from New Orleans.
396
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,133
Damn.
397
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,135
Okay, look, I'mma cut
right to the point, man.
398
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,604
Okay, um, I got bills.
399
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:55,441
And uh, what I got goin' on here
ain't cuttin' it, brother.
400
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:56,642
I ain't gettin' it.
401
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,643
So, what I wanna know is
402
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:58,811
who did you hook up with?
403
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,279
And brother,
how can I be down?
404
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,215
How can I get to the yams?
405
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,287
Man you gotta..
You don't get it, man.
406
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,889
You gotta get an act
and you gotta work on that road.
407
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:12,724
Brother I don't have time
for the road, okay.
408
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:15,160
I got bills, okay?
I'm tryna get to the yams.
409
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,496
The yams, okay?
The greens, the cat fish, okay?
410
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,833
- I don't have time.
- You gotta have faith, man.
411
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,167
Alright, faith.
412
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,236
Faith, okay,
you gotta have faith.
413
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,839
What's her last name?
414
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,173
You don't get it,
do you, man?
415
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,342
- I don't get.. You don't get--
- Hey, man, hey!
416
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,944
You don't go snatchin'..
417
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,017
So, when we come out
of commercial, man
418
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,286
I shoot this next question here.
419
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:48,427
Varnell, look, man,
I'm sorry about that earlier.
420
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,929
I was just trippin'. You know
brother was just trippin', man.
421
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:52,598
Hey, man.
Ain't nothin' to it, really.
422
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:53,632
I'm serious, man.
423
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,100
Well, look, look, look.
424
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,202
It's just, you know,
I've been doing the same thing
425
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:58,470
you've been doing, right?
426
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,372
And-and-and
I'm still stuck here.
427
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,174
You know, I don't,
I don't get it.
428
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,309
I remember the first time
I was on "The Tonight Show."
429
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:05,777
Wait a minute,
which one was that?
430
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,045
Johnny or Jay?
431
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,716
Oops, Johnny.
432
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,685
- Man, I had three minutes.
- Mm-hmm.
433
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,154
- White hot set.
- Yeah.
434
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,222
- Cooked like clams.
- Yeah.
435
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,625
Once that set was over,
bang, pow.
436
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:21,393
To the moon,
my career took off.
437
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,828
Damn. Word, word.
438
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,497
- Straight up, you go pew.
- Pew. You hear me?
439
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,233
Was in the green room,
Bill Cosby came back
440
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,669
in the green room, asked me
for some Jell-O puddin'.
441
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:33,405
That's somethin' else.
442
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,907
Listen..
443
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,411
Um...listen.
444
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,748
Uh, y-you know
how you just did my show?
445
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,249
Yeah.
446
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,985
How about a brother come out
and maybe be on your show?
447
00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:49,054
Alright. Man, uh, when..
448
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,223
Are you gonna be in Hollywood
any time soon?
449
00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:52,991
No, no..
450
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:54,426
Damn.
451
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,396
You see that?
452
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:59,731
If you were in Hollywood
sometime soon
453
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,166
you would be on my show.
454
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,768
- For real?
- For real.
455
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,704
- Come on, man. Come on.
- You're a real brother.
456
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:09,074
- Man, I am real.
- Oh, man.
457
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,777
Hey, gotta get outta here, man.
458
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,579
Plane's 'bout to take off.
I'm out.
459
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,581
Look here, man.
Take care of yourself.
460
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:16,882
- And I mean that, man.
- You be safe.
461
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,584
Hey man, I'll do that, man.
Oh, yeah.
462
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,220
By the way, this lil'
tinker shop you got goin'
463
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:24,289
this is all that, man.
I dig.
464
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,757
I dig.
465
00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:30,963
'Varnell.'
466
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,431
Did you miss me?
467
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,034
Martin, Martin.
468
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:40,472
I'm now ready to talk to you
about that new promotional idea.
469
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:41,773
Not now, Stan, alright?
470
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:43,308
I got some things
on my mind, okay?
471
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:46,278
Martin, this is foolproof.
Dig it.
472
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:53,819
Martin, you are now
the new WZUP stripper
473
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,288
for ladies night,
at the Black Expo.
474
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,560
You know what, Stan?
475
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:04,263
You done sold me out
for the last time, brother.
476
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,764
What do you mean, Martin?
477
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,166
First the community center,
now this, huh?
478
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,470
You want me to put on some
orange draws with the ass out.
479
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:14,072
Man..
480
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,008
Stan, I ain't takin' it
no more, bother.
481
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,309
You gotta do this, man.
482
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:18,777
Because I give you
your paycheck, man.
483
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:21,680
You will be a rump shaker.
484
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:24,416
You got that, Martin?
485
00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:25,851
- Yeah, I got it, Stan.
- Uh-huh.
486
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,352
Yeah, and you get this.
487
00:21:27,452 --> 00:21:29,021
Kiss my ass, okay?
488
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,023
'Cause I quit, Stan.
489
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,662
Will you miss me?
490
00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:45,003
- I say we go to Maui.
- No, no, no.
491
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,043
Oh, look, Martin's happy again.
492
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,712
Baby, I knew this trip
would raise your spirits.
493
00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:56,281
Ain't gonna be
no trip to Hawaii.
494
00:21:56,348 --> 00:21:58,717
Yep, I quit my job.
495
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:00,485
We all are goin' to Hollywood.
496
00:22:00,552 --> 00:22:03,055
I'm gonna be
on the Varnell Hill show.
497
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:06,158
Beady B, get your saddle,
we're headin' out west.
35421
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