Original subtitles

Hey, Dragon Fly.

Think I can get the 80 dollars you owe me now?

Silence! Silence!

I ain't got no money, pal.

Look, I don't want any trouble.

My lights are about to get cut off.

Had you been practicing on your art

you'd know your way in the dark.

Silence. Silence.

Now, hold on, Dragon Fly.

Somebody done told you wrong, pal.

It's on!

Just don't bother. There aren't any dough.

I'll see you in class tomorrow.

Ooh...

Aye, girl, with your strong hands though.

Uh-uh-huh. Oh, that feels good, baby.

- Sec-second there. - Yes.

Oh, ah, ooh, you hit the sweet spot.

Aah, oh, girl.

You-you haven't done this in a long time.

I know baby, but you deserve it.

Honey, you like the dress I have on?

- Do I? - And the dinner I made for you?

- Aha, yeah. - You deserve it, honey.

- Thank you. I sure do. - Yes.

Ha-ha. What do you want?

Okay, Martin. Alright.

You know I'm repainting my apartment, right?

And, um, I forgot that I had planned this baby shower

for Thomasina from the office.

Mm-hmm. Ooh, ooh, baby, baby, no, no.

Oh, girl, little to left, little to left. Yeah. Oh..

Well, Martin, I-I want to ask you

if I could use your apartment

tomorrow night.

Is that all?

Yeah, that's it!

Girl.

- Hell, no! - Oh.

- No. - Martin, why not!

Because I bet you invited Bobbi, didn't you?

You invited Bobbi, didn't you, Gina?

So what if I did, Martin?

Oh, come on, Gina. Big mouth Bobbi?

Man hating Bobbi, huh?

The one with the stun gun, Gina.

She fried my ass, okay?

Martin, that was an accident.

Gina, she ain't coming up in my house.

- But Martin maybe I-- - Okay? I don't want to hear..

I don't want to hear no more about it.

Don't want to hear no more. That's it.

Okay, okay. That's, that's fine.

Fine.

Gina, Don't go do the sigh on me, alright?

Mmmm..

Oh, so you gonna go do the pouty mouth on me?

You gonna pout the mouth? Okay, fine, fine, fine alright?

I'll make a deal with you.

No need of you getting all happy and excited.

I ain't even told you what it was yet.

- Now listen. - What?

I'll make a deal with you.

You can have your baby shower over here

tomorrow, Bobbi and all!

If, you take my car to get it inspected.

Oh, come on, Martin.

The inspection place is all the way on the East side.

Gina, I'm not hearin' you, okay?

What I'm hearin' is a bunch of women having a baby shower

down at the Motel 6. Excuse me. Great.

Okay, Martin. I'll take your stupid car to be inspected.

Mwah! Now back to my massage, girl.

I'm not hearin' you, Martin.

What I hear is the sound of a man

who's goin' to be sleepin' alone tonight.

That's what I hear.

Gina, don't you walk to the room.

Don't you walk out.

Well, if you gotta go, leave the grapes.

Leave the grapes, Gi..

You're a sore loser, girl.

That ain't attractive, ain't attractive at all.

- Ufff, wassup? - Okay.

- Alright. - Whoo, excuse me.

Uh.. What Stan? What?

Martin, you're late for another budget meeting.

What did I miss, Stan?

You already put locks on all the phones.

I mean, what's left?

My water bill's way too high.

I'm shutting down the bathroom.

So what are we supposed to do?

Well, Stan wants us to use the bathrooms

over at the gas station.

Man! Please, hell, no.

Well, that's alright, Martin.

He got us our own keys.

Man, you got to be crazy.

I ain't, I ain't running across no six-lane highway

to use no bathroom, Stan.

Timing, Martin. It's all in the timing.

Oh, and by the way, Martin.

Why were you late?

Well, Stan, I was getting things together for Gina's baby shower.

If you must know.

A baby. Are you sure it's yours, Martin?

'Cause, listen, I know a guy

who can make those paternity tests

turn out any way you like.

Okay? I know his number.

Hey, Courtney

Jackie, Gail, Therese.

Ah, man. What along in here with your thick sails, huh?

- Hey, Martin. - What's happenin', Bobbi?

Excuse me, Bobbi. No offense, but, uh..

- Uh-huh, you know... - Don't worry, Martin.

I left the stun gun in the car.

Alright. Alright. Hey, I got my eye on you.

- Are you Martin? - Yeah, I'm Martin.

- Oh, ha. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You must be...Thomasina? What's happening?

- So, you are Martin? - Yeah.

What? What? What?

What, Gina told you awesome things about me?

Oh, no, no, no, uh. Unm-unm.

So, when are you gonna throw us out?

Now? Or can we get some dip first?

You all are a bunch of funny mothers.

Shut your mouth!

Can we have something to drink?

Yeah, yeah, you can get something to drink, Bobbi.

Yeah, um, I got soda. Ya'll want soda?

- Too much caffeine. - Okay, well, cool.

Bobbi, I'll figure it out.

Let me see. Uh, orange juice. Ya'll like orange juice?

- Mm. No, it gives me gas. - Okay, shoot.

Oh! Got some wine.

Wine.. Oops, bad idea.

I guess that's what got you pregnant in the first place.

Boink!

Listen, sisters. Don't let him bug you. It's his ego.

- You know how men are. - Hm-hm. Huh.

I got to give it to Gina, though.

She does have him well trained.

- Hm-hmm. Mm... - Woof, woof, woof.

I bet he goes on the paper, too.

Oh, yeah...

So, girl, is Wayne ready for the big event?

Ready? What's he got to be ready for?

All he has to do is hold the camcorder

while I walk through hell with gasoline drawers on.

Hold on! Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on.

Okay, ladies, listen. Listen, okay.

You all really got to ease up on the brothers, okay?

Since, I'm the only one here, to defend us, alright?

Excuse me, but I don't think anybody is talking to you.

What? Let me check just to make sure.

Is anybody talking to him?

No? I didn't think so.

Why are you here?

Because I pay rent up in here.

Why are you here?

Because Gina invited me.

By the way, where is she?

I don't know where she is, but she better get here soon

'Cause I'm telling you, you ain't gonna be disrespectin' me

up in my house.

You want me, Bobbi? You want me?

Whoo!

I cannot believe Martin's car just passed inspection

and it broke down, Pam. I gotta find a phone. This is too much.

Unh-unh, Gina. This is no place to be walking alone.

Look, we could take a cab and Martin could come tomorrow

and pick his car up at this bitch drip.

No, Pam, we're gonna wait here and see

if the man can fix it first.

Excuse me, sir. What do you think the problem is?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, here. Uh, hey, ma'am. Okay.

I see what your problem is, here, ma'am.

Okay, see ma'am, uh, the way I sees it

is that your push rods

are missing line between your, eh, you-your camshaft lifter

and your rocker on.

Wow, you really know cars.

Ah, well, you know, there's only one thing

I know better than cars.

You know my first love, is my music.

So how long you've been doing this?

Well, I say.. Excuse me.

I'll say I've been doin' this, ma'am

for about, uh...15 years

because I remember in 1964, uh...got out to servicing

and he was, he just let everybody know how he was.

Uh, yeah, about 64 ma'am. And 15 years, yeah, I mean.

You asked me how long have I been doin, 15 years, ma'am.

- Forget it! - Oh, okay.

Oh, but you know what, ma'am?

I've been singin' all my life.

Back on, out of the way there for a minute, ma'am.

Excuse, excuse, excuse, excuse me, excuse me!

- Excuse me, excuse me. - Yeah ma'am. Uh-huh.

Hello. Do you think you can fix it, please?

Well, ma'am. I don't see why not?

I mean, because if, is it a thing I know

Elroy Preston knows some cars.

But guess what I know more than cars, ma'am?

Guess what I know more than cars?

- What's that? - My music!

No, no, baby. Let me tell something.

Men are trifling. We feed you, we dress you.

- We clean up after you. Ha... - Ha-ha.

So, you fell for that?

You fell for that?

Uh, look like your man got you well trained.

Oh, no, no, no. Forget this, okay? Forget this.

I don't even know why I'm wastin' my time

arguing with you.

You're useless. All men are useless.

Ha-ha. Well, you know what? You sold me, Bobbi.

Since you hate men so much

why are you tryin' so hard to look like one?

- Oh, no, he ain't.. - Oh, my God..

Hey. Hey. Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm, I'm sorry!

But you're fade looks better than mine.

You, you wanna walk with the big dogs, don't you?

You wants to stomp with the big dogs, don't you?

No, no, no!

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

Let your goatee grow in and you might be in the house.

No, no, no, you see.

You're stupid, okay? You're ignorant.

You are a stupid, ignorant man.

Oh, wh-what an ignorant man I could be, uh?

- I'm an ignorant man. Am I? - Yeah.

Well, get out of my ignorant house.

Yeah, you nice, but you got to go. So, out.

Walk. Let's go. Bye.

Thomasina is in the bathroom.

She can wait for Gina if she wants to.

But I can't stand to be around you for another second.

Girl, you ain't got to wait. Excuse me.

I'm sorry, Almighty God. I'm sorry.

But you know how them women be trippin' on us men sometimes.

She had to see that, God.

You know, tellin' me men are useless.

- Hey! - Ss...Ooh...

Hello! Hey! Hey. What is wrong with you?

Oh! Oh! My water just broke.

I'm havin' contractions.

The baby's comin'!

Bobbi, I need another man!

Aah! Oh, oh, look.

I think I saw your friends down the hallway.

If you run, you can catch them, alright?

I can't go anywhere. I'm having the baby.

- You gotta help me. - No, I know.

No, no. You're right. I can't do this.

You're right. Everything you said about me was true.

You said we're trifling, we're useless.

Everything you said was true.

Oh! Stop talking, Martin!

Ah, okay. Alright. Alright.

Now, that won't happen again, okay?

See, you gettin' a little too comfortable

with your slapping, okay?

The first one brought me back, but the second one

will get you tossed up out of here. Right?

- I can't do it by myself. - Alright, alright. We're here.

We're here. Just tell me what you want me to do. Alright?

Oh, give me some pillows and help me put some pillows!

Pillow. Okay, fine. Alright.

You know about the pillows 'cause you take the class.

Right? Okay. Alright, put your head back. Oh, man.

Now I know why mama had plastic slipcovers! Okay.

Go back. Go back. Okay. Alright, alright.

Now, um, um, what do I do now?

Ooohhh! Ho-ho! Aah! Aaah! Girl!

I don't even know you. Let's ease into this.

Oh! Ho! Oh, you close your leg.

- Oh! Oh! - Whoa! Whoa!

My bad, you know. You know, I'm sorry.

No, no! Come in! Help me out!

Look, hey. What? Come on. We ain't into that man.

- She's having a baby, man! - Baby! Wh-what?

Who is she? What's she doing here?

Oh, mummy. Tell me, Cole.

- 'What?' - Tell me, Cole, the other hand.

- Tell me, Cole, the other hand. - Free.

- Tell me, Cole, the other hand. - Free.

Come on, let him go..

Try it now, little lady. Try it now.

Yes!

Thanks, you're really a great help.

You're a hell of a mechanic.

Well, you think so, ma'am?

But you know what?

I'm even a better singer. Check me out.

- Don't you know.. - Haa! Ha! Haa! Ha!

- Haa! Haa! - What? What? What?

You have been singing for the past hour.

As a matter of fact, that is the most God awful song

I've ever heard in my whole entire life.

What did I mean about it, ma'am?

But you know how it is?

When you wake up

and you hear a song in your head

that you just can't get it out, ma'am.

Well, that happened to me about 15 years ago.

And I've been singing this song ever since.

Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

For the love of God, would you..

- Stop! - Ma'am, I'll fix your car.

Ma'am, and I didn't charge you nothin', ma'am.

And all I ever wanted to do was finish my song.

- All I ever wanted to do.. - 'Go ahead.'

- 'Just finish the song.' - Finish my song.

Get off my car.

Will you finish the song and get off my car?

- Do you wanna hear the song? - Yeah.

- Do you wanna hear the song? - Yeah.

- Do you wanna hear the song? - Yeah.

Okay, do you wanna hear the song?

Thank you. Thank you, ma'am.

Thank you. I finished the song.

Thank you, Thank you. I gotta go but thank you.

- Alright. Go. - Alright. Thank you.

- Can you believe him? - Can you believe that?

This is crazy.

Martin, I can't get through. 911 is busy.

Hang up, Tommy.

We don't need them. We can do this, man.

We're men. We can do this.

Cole, how far apart are the contractions?

Every 10 seconds.

Heart rate?

It's steady. Systolic and diastolic normal.

Cole, where did you get that from?

Me and moms was watching "Doogie Howser" last night.

Shut up, Cole.

Look, Martin, they say that the most important thing

is to keep them calm, okay?

So, let's help her relax and everything

will take care of itself.

Okay, well then, Tommy, you put on some Luther.

Cole, light some incense.

Hey, girl, listen. Listen, hey.

Relax, okay. We're here. Relax, alright?

- We cool? We're here. Alright. - We're here.

- Ice, I need some ice. - Your ice for your mouth?

The mouth, the what, the mouth? Okay, I'll get it.

Your mouth is dry. Okay, fine.

Aah! It's coming!

- Martin! - It's alright! It's alright!

Oh! It's coming!

It's coming! Aargh!

I caught him! I caught him!

- 'Yeah.' - Oh! Oh!

Martin, wait! Wait, wait, hold on, man.

Where is the umbilical cord?

Damn it, Tommy. We don't need an umbilical cord.

This is TV.

I got to wash the baby.

I saw this on "Emergency!"

Oh! Oh.

Don't worry. The water is not cold.

Oh.. Oh..

Oh.. Oh..

Ooh, it, it.. It's a, it's a boy!

It's a boy. Look at him.

He's openin' his eyes!

He's open his eyes!

Hi, baby!

Hi! Mwah. Come on!

Oh! Whassup?

'Whassup?'

- Whassup? - 'Whassup?'

Oh! Martin love to kiss.

I love the kiss..

'Martin! Martin!'

- No baby, no, no, no. - No baby, no baby.

- No. - Ooh..

- Yeah. - Ooh.