Original subtitles

Um, Axl? We don't want to disturb the nice family downstairs.

Can you please turn that game down?

-Please? -I actually can't.

Why not?

Because if it's quiet, it's literally pointless.

Off! Now!

Ow!

All you had to do was say please.

I said please. Twice!

Well, maybe you should have yelled it.

Whoa. What game is that kid playing?

We heard a catastrophic explosion.

Is everything okay?!

Also, sorry about the video game noise earlier.

We hope it didn't disturb you.

Uh, hang on, my son's on fire.

Something crashed into our apartment.

Was it this meteorite?

-Probably. -It's really pretty.

What are we gonna do? Where are we gonna live?

Oh! We'll never find another place we can afford.

It's so shiny and iridescent.

Kiffy, I wanna replace my wedding ring diamond

with whatever this is.

Unbe-credible!

This is no ordinary meteorite.

It's an impact meteorite,

created when an asteroid slams into a celestial object.

-Like Mars? Or Jesus? -Right!

But in this case, wrong.

To trace its origin, I'll need to use the gas chromatograph.

Whoa!

My Manwich!

Sorry. I thought this was an air fryer.

Using this rock hammer I got

from a Shawshank Redemption memorabilia website,

I'll chip off a tiny piece for testing.

Mm. Do I smell rocks cooking?

Good Lord! I'd recognize

these spectral absorption lines anywhere!

This rock originated from Zoidberg's home world, Decapod 10!

I thought it smelled familiar.

Interstellar meteorites are fantastically rare.

Collectors and wealthy randos

would pay a fortune for it!

It's mine! My planet saw it first!

Alas, even though you're immensely poor

and that tiny sliver I burned would've made you a millionaire,

it rightfully belongs to your whole civilization.

Ouchie!

Uh-oh!

Good news, everyone!

You have my interest!

I'm Dr. Judith, chief geologist.

And I've verified that this rock is indeed from Decapod 10.

It's ejecta from the Protoarchaean Impact Event.

That raises an interesting question.

-Yes? -What are you doing later?

Sorry, you're not my type.

I had to give it a shot.

You actually didn't.

So how'd the rock get to Earth?

I mean, it didn't just walk. Right?

Back me up, guys.

Why don't I explain it

with a display we use for fifth graders.

This is a representation of Decapod 10

from approximately five billion B.C.

"Before Crab."

A massive asteroid barreled toward our planet at high speed.

The impact resulted in the extinction of the crabosaurs,

and sent a spray of ejecta into space.

One such rock must have traveled

for billions of years, until it reached Earth...

...and hit a condo building.

Wow. I feel so special!

You're not.

Statistically, 3.4 such rocks would hit Earth

over the course of geologic time.

-Questions? -Marry me.

That's not a question.

Marry me?

I have a question.

Were the crabosaurs, like, really cool?

That's the hypothesis.

The mighty crabosaurs ruled the planet,

and later, the box office,

in an endless series of Crabassic Park movies.

It's, like, we get it. They were big animals.

Anyway, we appreciate the rock.

It will go on permanent display after I help myself to a tiny sliver,

which is considered perfectly normal on this planet.

Aww.

Decapod 10 is nice,

but it smells like a clam's armpit.

I'll be freshening up in my dumpster if you need me.

We won't.

Home, sweet--

Hey! Why is my stuff out on the curb?

Hi! We're your new neighbors.

Oh, hey! It's the Johnsons!

What are you doing here?

We just moved in. This is our new apartment!

Yeah, it all worked out.

Sorry about the trash.

Apparently, the previous tenant was kind of a pig.

Mi casa.

This is my dumpster! I was squatting fair and square.

I feel for you, sir. I do.

But we signed a lease.

It's a tight market for middle-class families.

We got lucky.

There were two other applications on this place!

I wrote a heartfelt letter to the landlord.

And she fell for it.

I was gonna rent it out as an Air-b-and-whatchacallit,

but who needs the parties?

You pay utilities. I cover the water bill.

It has running water?

It has running something.

What a humiliation.

From the lofty heights of dumpster living

to being out on the street.

Well, I'm sure you can stay with one of your colleagues.

Uh, perhaps Bender?

Uh, uh...

¿Quién es Bender?

Uh, I'm late for a gynecologist appointment!

Me too! Let's carpool.

You can stay with us, Zoidberg.

Ow! Why are you kicking me, Leela?

Because I don't want Zoidberg to stay with us.

Oh, right.

Fine. You can live with us.

Ow! Why are you kicking me, Bender?

Porque no quiero Zoidberg to live with us!

Next week, on The Real Housecats of Thuban 9...

He's been watching reality TV for days

and he's completely trashed the apartment.

How dare he! That's my move!

At least he ran the dishwasher.

Cycle complete.

Your Jacuzzi is wonderful!

Those jets really get into your crevices.

Hooray! Zoidberg's turn to watch TV.

I feel bad saying this,

but he's just so gross and annoying.

Sh-sh-sh! He's coming.

I'll scooch over, no problem.

For what it's worth, I agree with you about Fry.

Ugh! I've never dealt with anyone so unbearably annoying--

Well, one person.

-Hi, Mom. -Leela, are you there?

I can't see you.

Is your tentacle covering the screen again?

Well, I don't know. How do I check?

By seeing whether your tentacle is covering the screen again.

Oh, it is.

I can see you now!

You look tired.

Is that a new haircut? I don't like it.

How come you never visit?

You know, your old room's just sittin' here empty.

I never had a room.

You guys gave me up for adoption. Remember?

Well, it's the room you would've had.

Come visit, honey.

The sewer is lovely at springtime.

And we could really use some company.

Company, huh?

I happen to have some extra company.

What was that, Leela? Are you still there?

I think she hung up.

God, she looked awful.

Wait, so you're not staying?

-Nope. -But someone is staying?

-Exactly. -Alright.

This room is exquisite!

I've never lived in a place without a hinged ceiling.

Oh, you're welcome to it, Mr. Zoidberg.

Please, call me Doctor.

Ooh! A doctor!

May I introduce you to my daughter?

Just kiddin'. Sort of.

Mm!

This is delicious!

What do you call it?

A roll of paper towels.

Mm! And the bone is the best part.

See? Someone likes my cooking.

This is too good to be true.

Aw, Leela, you sure you can't stay for dinner?

Yeah... work has just been super busy.

No, it hasn't--

Mm. You should get your mom's recipe.

Hi! I baked some fresh cookies for you to give us

to welcome us to the neighborhood.

That is so thoughtful. Thank you.

-Who was it? -Nobody. With no cookies.

Leela, is this a bad time?

Always. What's up?

We're planning the annual family trip.

Are you free anytime soon?

Oh... yeah...

Sorry, but I don't think so.

We're just so swamped with work here.

I really wish I could, it's--

Oh, no worries. We figured.

You cancelling's become part of the tradition.

It's fine. We'll go with Zoidberg.

Hooray!

Zoidberg?

On our family trip?

-We'll send you a postcard. -She already hung up, Morris.

I can see her right there.

That? That's just her ugly profile photo.

Let me just--

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Get around, round, round ♪ -♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I get around ♪

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ Get around, round, round ♪

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ From town to town ♪

♪ Get around, round, round, I get around ♪

-♪ I'm a real cool head ♪ -♪ Get around, round, round ♪

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ I'm making real good bread ♪

♪ Get around, round, round ♪

♪ I get around ♪

♪ I'm getting bugged driving up and down this same old strip ♪

♪ I gotta find a new place where the kids are hip ♪

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ Get around, round, round ♪

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ From town to town ♪

♪ Get around, round, round, I get around ♪

-♪ I'm a real cool head ♪ -♪ Get around, round, round ♪

-♪ I get around ♪ -♪ I'm making real good bread ♪

♪ Get around, round, round, I get around ♪

♪ I get arou-- ♪

Whoa! So close!

It's too exciting. I can't take the suspense!

Last season there was a snake.

Hello, everybody!

Leela! What's the occasion?

Did I die?

Zing!

Join us for dinner, sweetie.

Your mom cooked Zoidberg's favorite meal.

Beef bourguignon made from shoe rubber.

And fresh escargot.

Wow! You've worked so hard to make Zoidberg feel at home.

Even though it's not.

But don't worry, I'll take him off your hands now.

Oh, we don't mind. We love Johnny Z!

He's a treasure, is what he is.

Uh-huh.

No, no. Leela is right.

I should go impose on someone else.

But before I do, may I say something from the hearts?

-Please. -Of course.

Can you email it?

When my species mates, they die,

so I never met my parents.

I never got to experience their love, or abuse,

whichever one they were gonna do.

But this? This has been the best two-and-a-half months of my life.

I came here with an empty suitcase,

but I'm leaving with a suitcase full of love...

and hopefully a to-go bucket of those sewer snails.

The feeling is mutual.

You're like the child we never had.

You had me, but you sent me away!

Well, we won't make that mistake again.

Morris, should we do the thing we were discussing?

Really? The one you said you're too old for?

-The other one. -Oh, oh, right.

Dr. Zoidberg, we've been talking.

And if you're willing...

We'd like to adopt you.

Really?

I've never felt this feeling.

I think it's called happiness.

Adopt? Him?!

Leela, we're gonna be brother and sister!

You're not my brother!

You're a gross, lazy, freeloading bum!

Sibling rivalry, I love it!

Welcome to the family.

I feel sick.

No worries, sis. You can lie down in my room.

Ugh!

This all is the adoption paperwork.

Just sign your John Gamecock here, here,

and, uh, fill in your young'un's date of hatchin'.

P'caw!

Now, per this agreement, Dr. Zoidberg will inherit half

of your extensive financial debts.

That debt was supposed to be mine!

I can't believe I'll have my own debt someday.

I promise to nurture and grow it.

I say, I say, the adoption is now complete.

You may kiss the crab.

Yeah!

Your own grandfather? Interesting.

I mean, it's a compromise, right?

The dumpster's on the small side,

but it's a good school district.

I always say, "location, location, location."

-Where do you live? -The sewer.

Friends, on this happy day, my joy bladder is overflowing.

I'd like to make a toast to my mom, my dad,

and my dear sister, Leela.

That's it! This is ridiculous.

-Leela... -It's not fair!

Now that my parents are finally part of my life,

I'm losing them.

You're stealing my parents!

You mean our parents.

Leela, we have enough love to smother the both of you.

Spare me.

You love Zoidberg so much, you can have him.

Go back to your garbage house and enjoy your garbage life!

Leela! You're a terrible daughter.

I wish we never abandoned you!

How dare you talk to Mommy and Daddy like this.

And in public no less!

I'm ashamed to call myself your brother.

Then don't! 'Cause you're not my--

I don't feel so good.

Here, have some of my emergency mint julep.

P'caw!

She's not breathing! She needs a doctor!

Our son is a doctor!

Different doctor! Different doctor!

Fry? What happened?

You passed out in the middle of insulting your parents.

We're here if you wanna finish.

Mom, Dad, you came?

After how I behaved?

I'm so sorry.

I should never have said any of those things,

out loud.

Aw, sweetie, we love you.

We're just happy you're awake and slightly sedated.

Are you okay, doctor?

I'm not sick. I've just been crying.

Sorry, this is really hard for me.

Do you mind holding my hand, sir?

Of course.

Leela, I'm afraid...

you've suffered total blenal failure.

Oh no! Unless that's good.

You'll die unless you get an immediate blenal gland transplant.

No problem! She can have mine.

I'm afraid it's not that simple.

The blenal gland is found only in certain mutants.

Also, I'm afraid it's not even that simple.

She'll need a tissue match from a relative.

Like me! Her adopted brother.

I'm afraid...

you're stupid.

If there's a match, we'll find it.

We've rounded up all of Leela's relatives,

no matter how distant.

I'm her grandmother.

I know, Ma.

I'm scared of needles. Just FYI.

Don't worry. It barely hurts a lot.

Sorry about that.

Have you found a match?

Not even close.

Oh, why did I become a doctor?!

Leela's going to die!

No!

Unless... this last sample is a match.

What was that long pause for?

I just needed a moment.

I don't believe it! A match!

Who is it?

I can't read it. I've been crying too much.

It's me, your brother!

-Huh? -Wha...?

I took a sample of my own blenal fluid.

Like so!

But-- but-- How can Zoidberg be related to me?

It defies explanation!

I can explain it!

Judith! Did you receive my marriage proposal?

Yes. Did you receive my restraining order?

I did!

I was in town for the Museum of Natural History Gala

and I tripped down the stairs in my stiletto flip-flops.

-I may never walk again. -Bummer.

You were saying about Zoidberg being my tissue match...?

Oh, right. Yes.

It seems you and Zoidberg have a common ancestor.

How?

Approximately five billion years ago,

a comet struck our planet, wiping out the crabosaurs.

You told us already. Move it along!

The ejecta carried crab splatter into space,

containing DNA

that plotzed on many planets,

including ancient Earth.

Decapodian genes were incorporated

into some of your early life forms,

jazzing them up with claws and tentacles...

Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop.

...and, of course, blenal glands.

I thought as much.

But I'm not a sea creature.

My parents are land mutants.

The Mutagenic Lake!

Our people have absorbed a little of everything.

Of course! Your mother's tentacles and Zoidberg's mouth danglers

are just different expressions of the same gene!

Well, that's right, Professor.

And I thought you were just a vapid hunk.

Leela and Zoidberg are related, if distantly.

Their common ancestor:

the extinct crabosaurs of Decapod 10.

Leela, as your brother who is also related to you,

I'd be honored to donate a blenal gland.

But... will you be okay?

Please! I've got blenal glands coming outta my schnookus.

Use one of those.

Thanks, brother.

If I die, please donate my debt to a children's hospital.

I'm afraid...

the operation was a complete success!

-Ooh. -Yay!

Leela, do you need another pillow?

I have six pillows, Mom.

Have seven.

I made something like tea.

I'm okay, thank you.

I'm gonna get some more pillows.

Morris, make another pot of tea.

Ugh, enough with the tea!

Mom, Dad, we're okay!

Please, just let us rest.

Yes, rest. Here's another pillow.

I'll run to the store for more tea.

Geez, they are so annoying.

Tell me about it!

Why don't they just spray us with a tea fire hose?

I guess only a sibling can appreciate how annoying your parents are.

And I'm happy to have that now.

Me too, sis.

But seriously, they're awful. I need to move out.

My folks are obnoxious.

Any chance I could be your roommate?

Sorry. We're moving to Hoboken.

We found a refrigerator box that's twice the size of this place!

You get a lot more box for your buck out there.

Here, take the kajiggers.

But I don't have any money.

We'll work somethin' out.

Okay. As long as it doesn't involve money.