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1
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,210
Hold still, Dwight.
2
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,795
Who taught you how to tie a tie?
3
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,756
No one! That's the problem!
4
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:53,094
I swear, that tie is longer than
a steamrolled green snake!
5
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,345
Allow me.
6
00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,350
Yum.
7
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,854
It's Dwight's first day
at the Young Bureaucrats Club.
8
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,648
He's a real check off the old box.
9
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,610
Yum again.
10
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,076
You have no idea how proud I am
11
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,496
that you want to follow
in my compulsively even footsteps, son.
12
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,414
Eh, your fax made it pretty clear.
13
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,507
Bye-bye!
14
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:42,018
People! In honor of my son's first step
15
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,520
on the bureaucratic treadmill,
16
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,730
I'm takin' you all out for pizza.
17
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,484
One topping, no tippin'.
18
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,239
Welcome, old friends!
19
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,324
We make-a you the nice table.
20
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,159
It's great. Very flat.
21
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,203
Wow. Business is booming.
22
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:04,707
Yes-a, everybody going
a-mentally ill for our pepperoni.
23
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,710
It's-a so tender,
you don't even gotta chew!
24
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,089
Oh, good! My battery was running low.
25
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,343
How y'all doin'?
26
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:18,012
Our server will be right-a with you.
27
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:21,850
Let's see...
pepperoni, or pepperoni?
28
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,643
Would you like to
hear today's special?
29
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:24,853
It's pepperoni.
30
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,774
-Hi.
-Sweet coconut of the shogunate!
31
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,860
Why aren't you at the
Young Bureaucrats Club?!
32
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,946
I'm sorry, Pops, but...
33
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,907
I don't want to be a bureaucrat.
34
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,701
I didn't know how to tell you.
35
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:42,078
Well, you found the worst possible way.
36
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,496
By tellin' me!
37
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,456
How will we break this
to your poor mother?
38
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,749
Eh, she's known for years.
39
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,209
That's right, son.
40
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,962
Never let anyone tell you what to do.
41
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:54,299
And go and get us some refills
on them Arnold Palmers, chop chop.
42
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,884
I like working here.
43
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,303
Blecch and Blazucchi are really nice bugs.
44
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:02,098
Dwight work-a real hard,
even during the school hours.
45
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,975
-What?!
-Don't worry, Hermes.
46
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,643
I used to work in a pizza parlor,
47
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,728
and I turned out.
48
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:12,025
We interrupt this pizza menu
to bring you breaking news.
49
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,986
Billionaire fast-food magnate
Fishy Joe Gilman
50
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,906
has thrown his hat into the upcoming
city council election,
51
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,115
District 97.
52
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,368
Stay tuned for our hard-hitting,
unbiased report,
53
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,038
after this word from... Fishy Joe's.
54
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,497
It's fish-licking good!
55
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,127
♪ Force a fish stick in your mouth ♪
56
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,337
♪ When you come to Fishy Joe's ♪
57
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,672
♪ Where the fish is never frozen
and the 'frigerator broke ♪
58
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:37,175
♪ Well, they're yummy in your belly
and they're greasy and they're smelly ♪
59
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,509
♪ And they're mostly made of batter ♪
60
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:39,802
♪ But they still have lots of bones ♪
61
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,137
Yecch.
62
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,056
I don't wanna hear-a Fishy Joe,
63
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,058
I don't wanna see-a Fishy Joe.
64
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,476
Look! It's Fishy Joe!
65
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:54,067
For too long, District 97 has been hostile
to the international chain restaurants
66
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,819
that give this and every
other neighborhood in the world
67
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,571
their unique local character.
68
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,533
I won't stand by as
greedy mom-and-pop joints--
69
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,618
like that one--
70
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,329
serve better food at lower prices.
71
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,748
Boo!
72
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,293
If elected, I pledge
to impose a punitive tax
73
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,836
on these quaint eateries,
74
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,464
and funnel it to faceless
big money interests.
75
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,136
This year, make sure
the election results are Fishy.
76
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,554
Vote Fishy Joe!
77
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,352
Ooh, I hate-a his face.
78
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,062
I'd like to shove a fish stick
79
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:34,190
where the star of this-a
solar system don't-a shine.
80
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,192
We can't-a pay-a new tax!
81
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,070
We struggle for years
just to find-a pizza recipe
82
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,239
that doesn't make-a human metabolism say,
83
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,907
"Get it outta me!"
84
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,076
Mm, mm!
85
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,619
The struggle paid off.
86
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,998
You have the tenderest pepperoni
I've ever gummed.
87
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,750
This Fish-a Joe gonna ruin us.
88
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,211
I wish-a there was a better candidate
89
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,422
or literally any other candidate.
90
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,631
How about you?
91
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,675
You're literally any other candidate.
92
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:05,680
Me? A humble alien with legislative
experience on her home planet,
93
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,223
and a can-do spirit?
94
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,433
I can-a no do.
95
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:12,478
Oh, come on, that's not
the Blazucchi I barely know.
96
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,063
I don't know you either.
97
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,356
I'll do it!
98
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,695
I promise to make-a good government
99
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,197
the same way I make-a good pizza,
100
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,033
with lots-a hard work,
101
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,618
and whatever kinda mushroom
is-a the cheapest.
102
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,337
With the candidates
running neck and thorax...
103
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,715
we welcome you to the first
of 15 live debates
104
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,467
between city council hopefuls
105
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,926
Fishy Joe Gilman,
106
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,678
Blazucchi Nolastname,
107
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,889
and latecomer Boxy Robot.
108
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,768
You and me both.
109
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,103
Candidates, start your blathering.
110
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,855
Thank you, laughing lady.
111
00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:01,486
My husband and I infested
this-a district with a big dream,
112
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,738
to make-a the pepperoni pizzas.
113
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,365
And everybody love them!
114
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,993
Now hang on, hang on.
115
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,204
Let's talk about your pepperoni.
116
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,081
It's-a very tender, yes?
117
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,958
Yes... suspiciously tender.
118
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,211
And you wanna know why it's so tender?
119
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,756
Many people are saying it's
because it's made from...
120
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,883
human babies!
121
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,054
Don't try to defend her.
122
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,473
They're fattening up
babies in the basement
123
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,433
and choppin' up the chubbiest ones
124
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,353
to make that sweet, innocent pepperoni!
125
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,771
People are saying.
126
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,773
-How many people?
-A lot.
127
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,566
One of the biggest numbers.
128
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,026
This is-a crazy!
129
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,278
I don't even know how to hatch a baby!
130
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,865
Wow, Fishy Joe just sank his own campaign.
131
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,535
No one could believe such insane lies.
132
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,413
You'd have to be a gullible,
deranged moron!
133
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:54,956
Yee-haw!
134
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,919
Let's go mob! Let's go mob!
135
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,504
Let's go mob!
136
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,089
How do ya like my mob?
137
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,469
Boo!
138
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,264
We demand you show us the basement!
139
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,348
Here's your slice, sir.
140
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,894
Sir, you seem to be yelling the loudest.
141
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,063
Can you tell us why you're protesting?
142
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,232
First of all, I need the exercise.
143
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,402
But also, they're making babies
into pepperoni!
144
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:27,447
Down in their basement slaughterhouse.
145
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,784
We don't even a-have a basement!
146
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,119
Come in and a-look!
147
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,288
See?
148
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,665
No basement, no bathroom.
149
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:40,168
Not even a ceiling in-a some places.
150
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,421
You think you can cover up the truth
151
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,131
with a bunch of obvious facts?
152
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,633
Well, I got a mob who says otherwise!
153
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,053
Let's go mob!
154
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,890
How-a we gonna prove-a
we don't got a basement?
155
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,602
We can't even prove we don't-a
got a restaurant a-license!
156
00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,521
Easy! I'll just check
the city building records.
157
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,315
Do that thing I said.
158
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,487
File not found.
159
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,864
I tried my best!
160
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:13,618
Huh. This building must be too old
to have its blueprints online.
161
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,453
Then we're a-ruined.
162
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,955
We'll have-a to go out-a from-a business.
163
00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:22,376
Guess I'm doomed to join
the Young Bureaucrats.
164
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,836
I won't let this happen!
165
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,755
I mean, I'll let the second part happen.
166
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,840
Yeah, right. What are you gonna do?
167
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,467
Stamp some stupid form?
168
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,803
Actually, son, we're going
on a thrillin' adventure!
169
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,056
Which might involve a few forms
being stamped.
170
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,976
Let's get this party authorized!
171
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,780
Now serving 18,307.
172
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,157
Finally, I can get my birth certificate!
173
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,284
Uh, I believe that's us.
174
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,461
Now serving 18,308.
175
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,095
What's the holds-up with my pizza?
176
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,347
I'm-a sorry, we're a-short mandibled.
177
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,891
We lost our cheap child labor human.
178
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,643
I'm a cheap, childish human!
179
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,896
You haven't worked at
a pizzeria in a thousand years.
180
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,606
It requires zero skill!
181
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,441
That's why I'm so good at it.
182
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,737
Hot! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
183
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,031
You forgot-a the holding disc!
184
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,492
My pants!
185
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,787
My beautiful pants!
186
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,247
So... wash 'em.
187
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,832
You think they'll be okay?
188
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,418
-I've never washed them before.
-Ew!
189
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:46,544
-Yuck!
-Blecch!
190
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:48,254
-Why not?
-It's just...
191
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,673
I couldn't bear to part with them.
192
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,550
Not even for 45 minutes.
193
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:56,178
They're one of the only things
I have left from my old life
194
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,888
before I got frozen.
195
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,265
Aww.
196
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,725
Wash your damn pants!
197
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,441
There, see?
198
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,860
You're good to go
for another thousand years.
199
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,155
No!
200
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:17,199
The stains was all there was!
201
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,334
Whoa! Whoa!
202
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,710
Whoa!
203
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,255
Who goes there?
204
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,633
And do you have any sea-sickness medicine?
205
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,927
Heck, I'd drink nail polish.
206
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,638
I am Hermes Conrad,
207
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,264
Bureaucrat Grade 37.
208
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,975
Oh, Hermes! My eyes must be goin'.
209
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,852
I thought you were Zsa Zsa Gabor.
210
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,729
-Who?
-I don't know. Just laugh.
211
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,732
That wasn't a joke.
212
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:50,816
How can I help?
213
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,819
We're looking for some
ancient city building plans,
214
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,405
from before the Great Digitization.
215
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,782
On paper?!
216
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,162
Hmm, must've blown a fuse or somethin'.
217
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:07,208
You may proceed to
the Labyrinth of Documentation!
218
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,266
Whoa... it's a total no-man's land.
219
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,102
Sounds like my weekend.
220
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,951
I didn't know there was this
much paper in the entire world!
221
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,370
It's like a vast paper forest.
222
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,830
What's a forest?
223
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,999
We're lookin' for some really old records.
224
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,918
Let me carbon-taste this ink.
225
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,547
Hmm. Only a hundred years old.
226
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:55,673
We'll need to go deeper.
227
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,466
Oh frack, a fork!
228
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,218
How do we know which way to go?
229
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,930
See these little black dots?
230
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,348
They're paper mites.
231
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,558
Ugh!
232
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,561
Ah, these are bigger.
233
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,770
We'll take this path.
234
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,982
The bigger the mites,
the longer they've been feedin'.
235
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,611
You want a granola bar or somethin'?
236
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,537
How are you supposed to find anything?
237
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,206
Seems like the papers
are just scattered randomly.
238
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,375
It may look that way to the uninitiated,
239
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,043
but to a seasoned bureaucrat,
240
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:36,130
this is art... borderin' on the erotic.
241
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,048
-Dad!
-I said bordering!
242
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,594
It's arranged according to a mysterious,
ancient filing system
243
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,971
devised by the father
of modern bureaucracy,
244
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,599
the great Bureaucrates.
245
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:51,061
A true organizational genius.
246
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,688
What happened to him?
247
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,399
He got lost in his own files and died.
248
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,861
And alas, the secrets
of his system died with him.
249
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,196
Whoa.
250
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,115
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
251
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,789
Careful, son! It's a Shredlacc pit.
252
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,505
I should never
have brought you here.
253
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,673
-It's too excitin'.
-It really isn't.
254
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,093
Shelfilanche!
255
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,600
-We're trapped!
-Not yet, we're not.
256
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,819
Grab on, boy!
257
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,411
We're getting close.
258
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:52,248
I can tell because
the paper mites are getting larger.
259
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,416
-How large?
-That large.
260
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,964
Cowardly screams won't be enough, son.
261
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,174
We'll have to best this bug in combat!
262
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,427
But that thing's gonna inflict
at least 2d12 damage.
263
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,137
We'll never survive without armor!
264
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,472
How about chain mail?
265
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,648
We're not complacent.
266
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,400
Show us the basement!
267
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,945
We're not complacent.
Show us the basement!
268
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,154
Told ya it rhymed.
269
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:30,828
Man, protestin' really
works up an appetite.
270
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,748
Wow, you're a hungry, hungry hypocrite.
271
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,375
Hey, a guy's gotta eat!
272
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,252
Actually, you don't.
273
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,217
Aw. How are you dealing
with the loss of your pants?
274
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,011
You know how these things go.
275
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,721
I'm taking it day by day.
276
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,514
So, you got new pants?
277
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,558
No, it's too soon.
278
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,277
Wow, that took a really long time.
279
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,361
Thank you, son.
280
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,238
That's music to a bureaucrat's ears.
281
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,866
Now, let's slay that paper mite!
282
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,955
Huh. Guess we can just walk around it.
283
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,081
No way!
284
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:19,627
I didn't put nine hours into these
paper-clip codpieces for nothin'!
285
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,675
You won't be comin' in on Monday!
286
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,433
It's hopeless!
287
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:35,809
We have no weapon now!
288
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,312
Incorrect. In the hands of a bureaucrat,
289
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,105
paperwork can be lethal.
290
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,623
Why are you shiverin'?
291
00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,000
It's not even cold in here.
It's kinda hot.
292
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,752
I know, but it just looks really cold.
293
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,379
Man, it's blinding!
294
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,714
I lost track of which direction
we were gettin' lost in.
295
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,634
This is how they say Bureaucrates died,
296
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,595
lost in a whiteout of his own paperwork.
297
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,847
I'm sorry, Dwight.
298
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:17,309
All I wanted was to share
my love of bureaucracy with you.
299
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:20,312
Instead, I'm fillin' out
our death certificates.
300
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:26,151
Initial here and list the cause
of death as "stupid father."
301
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,569
It's okay, Pops.
302
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,363
At least we had a great
adventure together.
303
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:32,992
The best thing to do now is lie down
and freeze to death quickly.
304
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,828
You alive?
305
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,663
You hear somethin'?
306
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,710
Slower! Slower!
307
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:44,586
The storm's getting worse!
308
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,256
Get in quick before
you die of heat stroke!
309
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,592
I don't believe it.
310
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,220
Are you... Bureaucrates?
311
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,181
All questions must be
submitted in writing.
312
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,933
It is you!
313
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,728
But the history books say
you were lost in a whiteout.
314
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,021
I still am!
315
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,821
Please, make yourselves uncomfortable.
316
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,282
How may I impede you?
317
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:17,077
We seek an ancient floor plan
predating the digital records.
318
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,246
But so far, we've been unable
319
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,331
to crack your legendary filing system.
320
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,709
Can you at least give us a hint?
321
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:24,960
You want a hint?
322
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,462
Here's a hint.
323
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,047
There is no system!
324
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,550
Can we get another hint?
325
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:32,926
I'm a fraud!
326
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,388
I just kept piling things up,
deeper and deeper.
327
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:40,017
I said I'd get to it on Monday,
but Monday never came...
328
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,853
'cause my calendar was
under one of the piles!
329
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,898
But according to legend,
you could find anythin'.
330
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:50,152
I could because I had a general idea
of which pile to look in.
331
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,112
But no one else stood a chance!
332
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:55,741
So you created a filing system
so unsystematic
333
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:58,327
that literally nothing
could be done without you?
334
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,789
You truly are the greatest
bureaucrat who ever lived.
335
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:05,626
Your pandering hero worship has moved me.
336
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,127
I thought I was a failure,
337
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,630
when all along I was a bottleneck!
338
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,715
Oh, a huge one!
339
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,718
Now, this is the buildin' address
we're lookin' for.
340
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:16,553
Ah, yes.
341
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:19,264
I remember filing this in Column Gamma.
342
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,768
Hmm, uh, no.
343
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:24,269
Uh, uh, must be this one.
344
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,314
Or, uh, maybe... this one?
345
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,988
No, it was-- it was
the first one I grabbed earlier.
346
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,073
Here.
347
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,950
You have found your treasure,
348
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,785
but at great cost.
349
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:40,869
For alas,
350
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,288
there is no way out of this labyrinth.
351
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,875
I've been searching for 500 years.
352
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,502
Have you tried this door?
353
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,130
You can't use that! It's for emergencies.
354
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,009
Come with us, friend.
355
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,303
No. My place is here,
356
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:01,640
filing a false alarm report
that no one will ever see.
357
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,642
You are as a god.
358
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,563
Show us the attic!
359
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,398
Wait, we mean the basement!
360
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,819
Look here, Fishy Jerk!
361
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:16,321
These official records
will prove once and for all
362
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,906
that there is no basement!
363
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,368
There's a basement?
364
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,544
I knew that stuff I made up was true.
365
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:35,465
What you are about to see
may be disturbing.
366
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,050
It better be!
367
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,011
A secret basement has been discovered
368
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:41,180
beneath Family Brothers Pizzeria,
369
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,183
the once-popular eatery
rumored to make pepperoni
370
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,976
from tender human babies.
371
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:49,104
Let us see what horrors lie below!
372
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,440
But they didn't even
know they had a basement!
373
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,983
What a crock of malarkey.
374
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,277
Leela, watch your language!
375
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,487
There's no baby butcher down there.
376
00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,240
And, uh, let's arm ourselves just in case.
377
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:03,952
I'm not scared.
378
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,455
Lead the way, somebody else.
379
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,081
I'll do it.
380
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,959
Without my pants,
life isn't worth living anyway.
381
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,713
Ew!
382
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:15,923
Get a shot of that.
383
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,674
What happened to your underpants?
384
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,609
There's nothin' here.
385
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:36,985
But it's filthy!
386
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:41,073
No self-respecting devil worshiper
would sacrifice babies in this dump!
387
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,702
Oh, my God!
388
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,996
Don't you mean, "Oh, my Satan"?
389
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,458
It's the ruins of Panucci's Pizza!
390
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,585
Where I worked a thousand years ago.
391
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,338
Really? Directly under the other pizzeria?
392
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,506
It makes sense.
393
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,842
This address has been zoned
as a pizzeria for a millennium.
394
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,803
They must have just kept building them
395
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:05,639
one on top of another, on top of another,
396
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:08,183
until they built the second one,
and they were done.
397
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,311
So, my old locker must be right...
398
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,437
here!
399
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,983
Ah! My spare delivery pants!
400
00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:17,276
Should I put them on?
401
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,945
I think I speak for everyone when I say,
402
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,947
yes, dammit, yes!
403
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:26,868
And so, despite the overzealous
reporting of my colleague...
404
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,498
...there is no baby-murdering
pepperoni operation
405
00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:33,166
in this filthy basement.
406
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:36,712
We sincerely apologize for any
excitement we may have caused.
407
00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,756
Well, I'm a sleazebag,
408
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,759
and the people of District 97
deserve better.
409
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,595
Congratulations, Blazucchi.
410
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,472
I'm droppin' outta the race
411
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,808
to focus on my presidential ambitions.
412
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,145
Hello...
413
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:55,564
Blecch?
414
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:58,191
What are you a-doing in mystery basement?
415
00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,902
And where did you get that pepperoni?
416
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:02,404
Eh...
417
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,281
Well, I...
418
00:22:04,364 --> 00:22:05,741
I a-show you.
419
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:10,495
This is-a where I get
my melt-in-you-face pepperoni.
420
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,373
It's been a-dry aging
for a thousand years.
421
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:15,917
Wow, since Fry worked here!
422
00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:20,172
I remember it
like it was yesteryear...
423
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:23,050
only, we didn't hang
pepperoni from the ceiling.
424
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:26,845
We just stuck it on a high shelf
to keep the laziest rats away.
425
00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:28,805
The only thing hanging from the ceiling
426
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,307
was fly paper.
427
00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:32,934
So where'd
the pepperoni come from?
428
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,070
It's a log of dead flies!
429
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,324
At least it's not babies.
430
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,575
Uh...
431
00:22:51,995 --> 00:22:56,416
Do you, Boxy Robot, solemnly
swear to uphold the obscure
432
00:22:56,500 --> 00:23:00,128
and trivial ordinances of District 97?
433
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,757
Well, you may not have gotten elected,
434
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,051
but at least your reputation is, uh...
435
00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:07,135
never mind.
436
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:10,472
So, you think you might
follow in my footsteps,
437
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:13,141
now that you've seen how thrillin'
bureaucracy can be?
438
00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,019
No. I still find bureaucracy super boring.
439
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,813
But...
440
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,439
I think you're pretty cool.
441
00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:24,027
That's 92.5% of all I could ask for.
442
00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:28,240
Hey, it's our handsome waiter!
443
00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:29,866
And he's wearing pants!
444
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,786
I swear before God almighty
445
00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:37,290
that these pants will never see
the inside of a washing machine.
446
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:42,212
No. No, no, no, no!
447
00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:43,338
What is it?
448
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:45,173
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