Original subtitles

Another Xmas come and gone.

And to everyone I didn't kill,

season's greetings!

And hold still next year.

Ho!

Ho!

Ho!

All in all, it was a pretty good Xmas.

We only lost one crew member.

Poor Charlie.

It was his first day on the job.

And he was just a week from retirement.

I'm thinking about mint, but I'm tasting pain.

Mmm, now I'm tasting about thinking.

People, we've reached that awkward week between Xmas and New Year's

when there's no work to be done

and little fun to be had.

Therefore, you're all on unpaid leave.

So, leave.

I'm going to visit my parents for the week.

It would be really nice if you came with me.

Oh, uh... uh, sorry, I... I can't go.

Really? You have something better to do

than visit old people in the sewer?

Uh, Bender!

Invited me.

To visit his parents?

I get it. It's fine.

Say hi to Bender's nonexistent parents for me.

I will.

Oh, can you at least water my plant while I'm gone?

Sure. I'm not going anywhere.

Just once.

You know how many times once is, right?

Less than twice, more than nunce.

See ya!

Eh, must be outta batteries.

Circle up, people!

I don't know what's going on, but I love circling.

New Year's is coming up.

And that's the anniversary of the day I first met Leela.

Aww. Which anniversary is it?

I'm actually not sure.

But I think a big one.

Uh, maybe ten? Or 45?

Who knows! It's impossible to say

with all the time loops we've been through.

Well, whichever one it is,

I wanna throw her a giant surprise party.

Hey, wait a minute!

You and I met that same day!

Where's my party?!

Well, listen, Bender...

That's the beautiful day we met and attempted suicide.

I refuse to help!

Bye.

The first thing I need

is some not-necessarily-legal fireworks.

Scruffy knows a place.

Uh-huh. Just across the border.

Bender? You decided to help?

No!

I just ran out of a few things and had to run to the market.

How may I pervert you?

Yeah, uh... we'd like some, uh...

ya know...

"filthy porno"?

Ah, yes.

I think I have what you're looking for.

I thought we were here for fireworks.

Shh! Not so loud!

Right this way for your "porno," sir.

I've got every kind of firework.

Except the legal kind.

I'm looking for ones that spell out

"Leela" in huge explosions.

What language?

Um... I forget what it's called.

The language my mouth knows.

Alright, coupla these.

One of those...

I'm also looking for a giant laser eyeball.

A giant laser what-kind-of-ball?

- Eye. - Oh yes.

Yes, we have those, too.

Any chance I can borrow a cryogenic tube for my anniversary?

I wanna come dancing out of one like when I first met Leela.

Not a problem. Terry!

Nobody needed Rudy Giuliani anyway.

Santa flushed such wonderful presents this year.

These earmuffs are lovely.

Where's Fry? I got him a nice slipper.

He couldn't make it.

He had faker things to do.

I'm going out to chop more PVC pipe for the fire.

Psst! Over here!

Fry! You came!

And in such a weird way.

Don't tell Leela, but I'm throwing her a surprise anniversary party.

I hope you can all make it.

Thank you! They're new!

Who wants to toast sewer-mellows?

Here ya go.

This one's on mes.

I likes to help young loverses.

She's coming!

I hear her distinctive heavy bootsteps!

Everyone in your hiding places!

Quick! In here!

Oh no!

My plant is dead!

If he couldn't come to my stupid parents' stupid house,

he could have at least watered my stupid plant!

Ahh!

Welcome to the world of tomorr--

-Intruder! -Ow!

Oh, Leela--

Don't "Oh, Leela" me.

You couldn't water it one time?

What?

Oh, right... the plant.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kenny G!

This saxophone serenade goes out to a very special one-eyed lady.

I wasn't given a name,

but I'm gonna assume it's you.

Maybe you only killed it a little bit.

I'll try to revive it with some water.

Hey!

Oh, my-- my G-water!

Here, we've got some gin.

Thanks. I call it G-water.

Ten! Nine! Eight!

I'm really sorry I forgot to water it.

But I did other things.

Look.

I mean, the leaves are dry as dust.

Happy New Year!

Surprise!

Whose birthday is it?

No, it's our annivers--

Leela, I planned this whole huge party for you.

I spent all the money in our joint bank account.

We don't have a joint bank account.

Well, not anymore.

Ugh. I don't need grand displays.

I need to know I can count on you.

Look, let's not fight in front of Kenny G.

Is the plant really such a big deal?

Don't you understand that this plant

is a metaphor for our relationship?!

You know I don't.

I need some time to think about our future.

If there is one.

I'm going back to stay with my stupid parents.

I'll see ya there, honey!

Surprise!

I can't believe how bad that went.

I mean, is it my fault the plant died?

Yes.

I love her so much,

and she's never gonna forgive me.

Oh, sure she... might.

- Leela? - Hello, Philip.

Oh snap! She "Philip'd" you.

That is cold.

Good news, everyone!

Hey! You can't do that!

That's my only thing!

Today, we'll be delivering this stud buggalo to Mars.

I'll lead him to the ship.

Actually, I'd rather Fry didn't go on this mission.

Why?

Well, the buggalo might get angry when it sees your red jacket.

So I'll take it off.

I don't want you to get chilly.

I'll just take Zoidberg instead.

But his whole body's red.

No, I'm a deep, rich salmon.

Come on, boy. Follow the carrot.

Woop-woop-woop-woop!

Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop!

I don't know what to do.

I always thought Leela and I were soulmates.

But maybe...

it wasn't meant to be.

You know, mon, there's a way to test if that's true.

Hush, Hermes! Never speak of that!

Speak of what?

Oh, it's a fascinating story.

You see, a thousand years ago,

AI-powered dating apps were becoming more and more powerful.

With access to social media posts, DNA databases,

genital pics, and so on,

they became too good,

able to identify a person's one perfect match

from among all inhabitants of Earth.

Wh-What's wrong with that?

Everything, you whimpering imbecile!

Because naturally, many people soon learned

that they had settled for someone

other than their perfect match.

It led to a 10,000% increase in jealous murders,

and an end to the traditional two-car family.

The soulmate apps were banned.

But some say the technology still exists

in ancient relics known as...

"Magic Mirrors."

Yes, some say that.

But not us! Because it's illegal to even mention!

No law can keep me from my noble purpose.

To the pornatorium!

Bender? Again?

Yeah, I had a coupon for a new girlfriend.

What happened to the old one?

She ran off with the bicycle pump.

So, uh... do you have one of those "Magic Mirrors" no one talks about

that I've been hearing about?

You don't need to wink if you're not speaking in code.

Gotcha.

Come back, baby!

We can work it out!

Okay, where can I hang it?

Well, you don't need this anymore.

Huh. What's "USB"?

I think it was the new name after the collapse of the USA.

I got this, guys.

I have a universal male plug.

You never know who you might meet.

All charged up!

Who wants to test it?

Ooh, I will!

I know Kif and I are soulmates, so this is gonna be fun.

Right, Kiffy?

Don't worry.

It's me!

Oh thank the Grand Midwife's porous skin sack.

It was always you.

You wanna give it a try, Bender?

Nah, I got a good thing going over here.

Ooh!

Alright. Okay.

I'm ready to see if Leela's my soulmate.

Actually, I'm not ready. I changed my mind.

Too late! Shut up!

It is Leela! I knew it!

My love! All is forgiven.

That's big of you, but I'm just here to get my stuff.

But we belong together.

Don't go!

Wow, it just keeps metaphoring.

It's okay. She'll be back.

She's my soulmate.

Uh-huh. Too bad you're not hers.

So... anyone else wanna try the mirror?

Fry fainted! We need smelling salts!

I'll give him a smell assault.

That's Leela's soulmate?

That's the worst picture of me I've ever seen!

Dial down the denial, mon.

Let's see who eliminated you in round one.

And they spelled my name wrong!

Fry...

It's not me, is it?

Not even close.

What makes this guy so great?

And what could make him a little less great?

Ooh, I know!

Strangling!

It's the right thing to do, and the fun way to do it.

Hmm.

The mature thing would be just to punch him a little.

But he could be anywhere.

Anywhere within a three-foot radius of this point.

He's in Central Park.

The park?

That's the perfect place to dispose of the body!

And, uh... any other bodies

we might happen to have lying around, right, guys?

Right?

Say your prayers, stud muffin.

I can't believe it.

My little Fry is becoming a murderer.

Poor little guy.

It's these Central Park thorns.

Hey!

Why did you do that?!

And why didn't it hurt very much?

- You stay away from Leela! - Who?

The most beautiful woman in the world, that's who.

Really? Tell me more?

Oh, I'll tell you more.

She's not just beautiful,

she's smart and sexy!

Is she single?

Yes. Recently.

Can you introduce me to her?

Of course, you idiot! She's my roommate!

What-- What was that?! A moth?

Get down! We're in danger!

Are you gonna punch me back?

Shh! I'll do it later.

Okay, but I need to be at work by three.

What are we hiding from?

An invasive tree species that's killing indigenous plants.

Plants I swore to protect with my life.

Oh no! I left my clippers in the shed!

I don't like the way that tree is walking.

It's the Creeping Willow!

Grab the zip line!

Ahh! Ooh! Ow! Oi!

It's time to let go!

Never! She's mine!

Oof!

Thank God, she's okay.

"She"?

The One-Eyed Susan.

The last of her species in the entire universe.

Hmm, very nice, but how do you know its pronouns?

It's a dioecious plant that produces only female flowers.

But there are no males left, so she can't reproduce.

Sorry. I didn't know you wanted kids.

She was placed under my care.

And not even my own anniversary could keep me from watering her.

Don't worry, she thrives on salt water.

Quick! We need to arm ourselves.

Hup hup! Hup hup!

Hup-- Uh, hup!

Wow! Leela would love this!

The decor, the-- the live plants.

This beautiful wood beam.

- What's it made of? Wood? - What beam?

I would rather die than let this invasive species

encroach on the ecological niche of my plant!

Are you with me?

I'm not sure I'd rather die.

But yeah.

Woo!

- Brothers to the end? - Brothers to the--

well, maybe not the "end" end, but--

Eh, good grave. Not great.

I'm proud of you, son.

I couldn't have killed him better myself.

No. He's just injured.

Really? Well, there's no law against mercy bludgeoning.

Actually, I think there is.

You're no son of mine!

It's gonna be a tough recovery, but you should be alright

since you came to this hospital instead of letting me treat you.

I told you to leave the charts alone!

Ahh!

I can't believe it.

My plant is dead.

Ahh, my plant!

I'm sorry, Branch. You did your best.

She was lucky to have such a kind, committed guy in her life.

Thank you, friend.

Oof!

Call it even?

Even.

Hey, Fry's my friend!

If anybody's gonna punch him, it's gonna be me!

Fry! I heard you were hurt.

I was so worried!

You were?

Of course.

Are you okay?

I will be... now that you're here.

I love you the most!

Who's your friend?

I am! See?

Oof! He's nobody.

Yeah, a six-foot-four nobody with really good health insurance.

And eyes like limpid pools.

They don't look limpid to me.

I'm just reading the chart.

I think you should leave now.

Branch is about to have

an embarrassing type of surgery.

Is it a penis reduction?

I'm just guessing based on the chart.

Gimme that!

I'm afraid this machine is dead.

What?

Fry? He's waking up!

Wh-What happened?

Well, I got a really cute skirt on sale,

and you've been in a coma for a month.

It's plaid.

A month?! Ha-- Has Leela visited me?

Oh, lots of times!

She brought these flowers.

Well, her and Branch.

Branch?!

Uh-huh! He picked them out.

He really knows a lot about plants.

Ever since Night One,

I've had, like, deep feelings for you.

And some of the other hot girls on the island.

He's cheatin' on you, Chastity!

Bah, I can take care of a plant, too.

Hey Bender, where's your green spray paint?

Here.

It's almost empty.

See?

So, is Leela living with Branch now?

How many kids do they have?

Forget about Leela.

Chastity's about to make the mistake of her life.

It's tearing me up inside.

Maybe I can convince Branch

that Leela and I belong together...

if I can just talk to him.

Strangle him, you say?

I happen to know of an unoccupied grave.

It's a little small,

but I can bend him in half.

Fry! You're out of your coma?

Uh, I think so.

- Listen, can I talk to you? - In a minute.

First, I have to show you something.

The invasive trees didn't kill your flower!

And they're back for revenge!

No! It's okay!

It turns out the Creeping Willow isn't invasive.

It's actually the male of the species!

I was trying so hard to keep them apart, but...

it was meant to be.

Aw, geez! Get a greenhouse.

All she really needed was for me to step out of the way.

Branch, you're a good man.

And a good friend.

That's it! I'm gettin' my shovel!

Oh, you're here.

Leela, this might sound old-fashioned,

but I knew you were right for me from the first moment I saw you.

Actually, you screamed.

Okay, the moment after that.

But it's not about what's right for me.

I love you.

And I want you to be happy.

I know that.

That's why I need to get out of your way

and let you and Branch pollinate--

Well, you know what I mean, like, get to know each other,

and maybe with a chaperone.

You love me so much you'd let me go?

I would.

And I get it. Branch is a great guy.

He really is.

He even revived my plant.

I killed it again. Sorry.

I'm sure Branch can save it.

The man is good with plants.

Yeah, although I have to say

he's always plant-splaining stuff to me.

I mean, come on,

sometimes you wanna talk about something other than botany.

What? He's your soulmate.

What are you talking about?

A friend, sure. But not my soulmate.

How do you know?

Because, now I know you are.