Original subtitles

Yeah, she be on and off.

And I don't like to argue, nah, but she be going off.

And I ain't got to say too much, make her say that I play too much.

Missed attitude to the room get dark, took one touch and her face lit up. Huh?

I'm in here confused, like is she the right one?

Come to women, I had a few, but she is not like none.

She like the quiet before the storm, then thunder and lightning.

Cause I'm in the dark about everything.

Can we turn the lights on?

Fussing and fighting.

To touching and biting.

From misattitude.

To Mrs. Excited. All this backing and spoofing. About nothing important.

Go from slaying our dudes.

Now we definitely divorced.

We go from fussing and fighting.

To touching and biting.

Go from misattitude.

To Mrs. Excited. All this backing and spoofing.

About nothing important, go from saying adieu, now we definitely divorced.

God, I hate weddings. Would you just come on? I don't even know why you're

going. You don't even know the bride or the groom. Yes, I do. It's Shay, Ayo's

cousin. Actually, they're not really cousins. They're more like play cousins.

You know, but they're very close, okay? Oh, you mean your co -worker's play

cousin? Yes.

I still don't understand why Kayla couldn't come with you. This is your

to have her. You knew she had finals, so come on.

Today, can we lose the sarcasm, please?

Ayo's the African guy?

Yes. So it's going to be an African wedding?

No. She's not African.

Right? Now, come on.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman

together in holy matrimony.

What a wonderful day this is and a wonderful blessing of the glory of God.

did he do for a living?

No, Tim.

Why is she married?

Why are you crying?

Because this wedding reminds me of all of my divorces, okay? I can't believe we

let Iowa Talks into coming to this damn wedding.

Girls, get it together.

And before I proceed any further, I must ask this one question to the audience.

Is there anyone here that can show just cause why these two should not? I do.

I have never seen this woman before in my life. Maybe you should see this.

Can you pass this up there, please?

This is crazy, Bishop.

What are we doing? What are we doing in church?

Isn't that Eric?

Honey, that isn't me.

Yes, it is.

No, it's not.

Oh, yes, you.

This is right. Bending to the right. Do you know how many men, by show of hands,

how many bend to the right?

We got at least six, seven of us in here, okay?

Listen, I have never, ever, ever seen this woman before in my life, okay?

So you don't know whose that is, all right?

Look at the balls, baby. Look at the testicles. Bishop.

Sorry. Look, Brian. How's Brian? Brian?

Brian, is this me?

No, it's not you. You swing to the left. Thank you. How is Brian Rogers supposed

to know that? We took showers together in high school. Oh, that's cute.

Whoa, Dwight.

It was gym class.

Stop making it weird.

Don't lie to me, Eric.

I've never seen this woman in my life. She has an agenda. You have an agenda,

'am. What about my agenda, Eric?

Can you pass this to the front, please?

What is going on here?

Is that what I think it is? This is massive.

This is frightening.

Well,

listen, we're taking phone offerings. Go ahead, put it in the hat. Okay, let's

see. Take a look.

Come on. This is craziness.

Okay.

Okay, this one is not you, but this one, definitely you.

Okay.

Listen, that is the only picture there will ever be of me out there like that,

okay?

Oh, come on!

Ladies, put your cell phones down.

This is crazy.

I'm not a perfect man.

Neither are none of y 'all.

I've done some things that I'm not proud of. Ooh, remember that time you...

Brian, shut up.

Shut it up.

Just stop it. It's not the time.

Okay? This thing right here, honey, take a look at it, okay?

This is yours.

Okay.

Let's look at it together.

Let's look at it.

This is hers. Okay.

From here until eternity.

Okay.

Until eternity.

So everybody understand that.

Get the picture.

Come on, get the picture.

What about her?

Oh, yeah, she'll do.

She's pretty hot.

Hey, Dr.

J. Hello.

Miss Valerie?

Yeah, sorry we missed the wedding.

Oh, you weren't there.

No, we got a little...

Tied up.

But we're here now.

You know, it's just not right.

You're right.

I mean, that dress Valerie's wearing is totally inappropriate for a wedding.

Eunice, that is not what I'm talking about.

Well, what are you talking about? Where is little Isabella?

She went to the bathroom.

Thank God.

You drag that little girl everywhere you go. You do not drag her everywhere.

Yes, you do.

And Eunice, we talked about this.

Boundaries.

Boundaries. And FYI, you need to get that little girl some clothes, okay?

Because jean jackets don't go with everything. Caprinde?

That's for you too, Raul.

Yes, well, welcome.

Please sit wherever you like.

Copy that.

Go, Valerie.

Go, go, go.

Oh, yeah.

Wasn't that a nice wedding, honey?

Sí, estuvo bonita. Fue muy loco.

Okay, where are the bride and groom?

I mean, I don't see them anywhere.

She was looking for Eric, but she couldn't find him.

I wish her mother were here to see her because she looked so beautiful.

Yeah, she does.

So, April, any new prospects?

Are you serious?

Who was?

Okay, well, it was a very nice wedding.

He thought that was funny.

No. No, no, no, no. He didn't. Yeah, it was funny.

That was not funny.

Marriage should be taken very seriously.

Come on, man. All these women are passing around pictures of the grooms.

Okay, Aaron. Stop it, honey. Okay? Are you okay? Calm down.

I could take this knife and gut you like a rabid spider monkey.

He's just playing.

I am not playing.

He was laughing at my cousin.

I could reach into your nostrils and pull out your vertebrae. Hey, hey.

Is he serious, man?

Hey, look.

Dude, let me go and get you a drink or something, huh? Yes, why don't we have

some drinks? Yeah, a drink would be nice.

Right? Yeah?

So, uh, what would you like to drink, Ayo?

It's Ayo.

Ayo? I -O.

I -O.

I -Y -O.

A -Y -O.

So it's not A -O? No, God damn it, it's I -O. Oh, dear God. I do not wish to

correct you again.

Okay. Hmm. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. I think it's good. Now you know. Now you know. Right. Now you know.

Yep. Everybody's good.

Want to maybe get a shot? No. No?

We're going to stay. The next time I see you,

I will pull out your upper intestines through your ass.

I'll be back. Maybe.

Hey,

Dr. J.

I know.

Monica, what's Miss Cavanaugh doing today? Oh, she is getting the

and the CoolSculpt treatment. I really need to get back there. Great, great.

So, Dr.

J, are we still considering my cousin for the opening?

I told you, we got to talk to the other doctors. It's not just me that's going

to hire her.

Yeah, but she really needs a job.

Yeah, yeah, she's one of the finalists, huh?

Good morning. Good morning, Dr. Tony.

No, that was a very entertaining wedding, wasn't it?

It kind of was. It kind of was, right?

Topped all eight of my marriages.

You do know that that wedding is just the beginning of a very painful,

divorce settlement.

It's not true.

Oh, it is true. Good with the accent.

Tell Eunice I'm here.

Okay.

She is so negative.

No. Kenneth just filed, so she hasn't been in the best of moods lately.

Please, how many times has he filed? What, five times?

No, I think they are definitely divorcing this time.

I'll leave it when I see it.

Did my 1130 cancel?

Yes, they did.

Okay, I think we need to build her up for a visit anyway, okay?

Dr. Tanisha told me to tell you she's in.

Oh, very good. Okay, thank you.

I think somebody sent that Novocaine again.

I think she's addicted to that stuff.

She's crazy.

I don't see how she and Dr. Tanisha ever shared a dorm room together.

Because they're both cray -cray.

I heard that you guys were looking for a new office.

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Well, I'm just saying, you got crazy people

sleeping in sleeping bags, walking through here all day.

Clinical psychology, dermatology, dentistry, they just don't go together.

They do economically.

Doctors are so cheap.

And that Dr. Bougie in there, I can't stand her. She works my nerves. Oh,

really? She's having another divorce party this Saturday.

Oh, I'm there. Oh, yeah, I thought so.

I'll see you in a minute. Bye.

This camera is going to...

Hell on Thanksgiving.

How long has your dad gone?

Two months.

Two months? Where'd he go?

Dubai. Dubai.

Eric, can you put the camera down for two seconds?

I'm in the middle of some incredible things right now.

We need to be on our own.

What?

Wow. Your dad.

What, he wants his job? What is his problem? Are you serious? I'm an

guy. He is not asking us to leave. So what's the problem? We need our own

He's never here.

I want us to have our own place.

Oh, my gosh. Then you need us to save up.

No, I need you to get a full -time job.

I am a contractor just like your father. We're peers.

No, no, no. You're not peers. My father does contract work for the government,

and you do contract work for clubs.

Say cheese.

Puss in boots. Can we get a puss in boots? I love it. I love it. Showing a

little cakage.

Showing a little cakage.

Do you know how hard it is to get Drake?

Wow, you actually look really, really good in this light.

I don't even want to look at you.

Well, I'm going to look at you. Since you don't want to look at me, well,

look at you, Shay. Fine, let's look at me. So I had four interviews last week

and three the week before. What have you done?

None, but I'm consistent. It's about consistency.

You know what I'm saying?

That's what it's really about.

It's all a big joke to you. That's your problem.

It's not a joke. Hey, babe.

I don't like when you get all riled up.

Okay?

I'm sorry. I will start looking.

Seriously?

Seriously, baby. I love you.

I love you. Look at you.

How can I not love this face? Look at it.

Who else do you love?

Tell them.

I love Monty Python.

You have to say who, mister?

I love Mr.

Monty Python. You have awakened Mr.

Monty Python.

Easily erect. Your father is going to be your granddad.

This is ridiculous.

Seriously? You have got to come to grips with this. You have got to stop self

-medicating. Shut up, girl. You know I'm not into meditating and that yogurt

stuff for the birds.

You shouldn't be calling the kettle black.

You know what? Get you and your black kettle and get on out of here. I have a

patient coming in here in one minute. Go.

Listen, I think I found the perfect guy for you. He's a patient of mine.

Eunice, honey, one, I'm not divorced. Two, I said stop with the hookups since

the med school. Stop it. Shut up, bitch. I think this might be the one, though.

Look at me, OK? I love you, but clearly, I don't need your help, OK?

You know what? Check my track record.

Didn't I hook you up with your last three husbands?

That's why I don't need your help.

Listen, this is a great guy. He's got dimples. He works with my husband. And

guess what else?

What?

Never been married.

Never been married? Never been married.

Hello. Around 40 years. Okay. No. When? He's here right now. Damn you.

Escobar, this is my friend, Dr.

Tanisha. Smile, let me see your dimples.

I've been working on them. I have dimples to die for. He works with my

He just loves black women, girl. That's because that's niggas like you.

You can thank me later. Okay, that's it. I want you and Chico and the man to get

out of here now. But look!

His teeth look awful. Get out! Come on. She's not about this life. Come on,

let's go, baby. That's all right. You know what?

You're gonna need some lettuce one day, and I had you all hooked up.

Fine. Let's go, baby.

Oh, no, Rut. You got a little corner left.

Go see your daddy. Go.

Hey, Daddy.

Hey, Daddy.

Where are your shoes at?

Stop, Georgia. You know the rules.

Where are their shoes at?

If you're talking about the shoes that I bought them last week, they're in your

house. And this whole game you play of sending them home with their old shoes

while you keep the new ones?

So lame.

Where's shoes?

Hey, Eric. Hey, Georgia.

You're so petty.

Boys, calm down.

I got to go. I got to put him down for a nap.

All right.

You gave him an energy drink?

You gave him an energy drink.

You got a new TV? No, it's the same TV I've always had.

So you can't pay your child support on time, but you got a brand new TV.

It's not a new TV.

It's the same TV, Georgia.

It's not even high def. I got to go.

I'll be back to pick them up at 9.

Hey, I got plans tonight.

Did you buy that hat on purpose?

Hey,

Brian, he's taking pictures again, man.

A lot of them.

PJ.

I told you, stop taking pictures of all my stuff.

BJ, bring me the phone.

Give me the phone.

How do you delete the pictures?

Swipe, swipe.

Is that a Samsung?

Your mom's not taking you back to court.

Russell, hold on.

Oh, come on. She's got you wearing a wire.

Check the dog.

Yep, dog's wire.

Where are you going, Mom?

Your dad and I are going to a party.

Step.

Your stepdad and I.

Can I go to Cheryl's?

No.

Can I, Mom?

Well, as long as there are no boys there.

Oh, come on, Aaron. She's responsible.

Really, Monica?

Really? She's not using anymore. You know that.

Well, you don't know what she does when she goes to her father's.

She seems to be staying here more often than not. I mean, do you have custody or

does he?

Oh, Aaron.

You guys need to stick to the arrangement.

And you need to stop overruling me like that.

Honey, I wasn't doing that.

Well, you let her disrespect me on the regular.

She's a teenager, Aaron. She's still trying to adjust. This is all still very

new for her. All of what is new?

She's still trying to process the divorce.

You can't be serious. She's not seven or eight.

She's going on 19 years old.

Okay, I was reading Iyanla Van Bant, and she was saying that generally it takes

girls longer to come to grips with all of this. Mm -hmm. She only comes over

here to make me miserable, and you don't seem to have a problem with it.

Okay, now, come on.

That's not fair. What's not fair? I've done everything in my power to get along

with her.

You know what?

Mm -hmm.

She'll come around.

All right. Mm -hmm. Okay. Yep. She's safe, though.

And that's eight.

Eight what?

The eighth Negro to walk by and not acknowledge us.

What? Come on. White women become invisible.

Do you think that's a problem?

And that's nine.

Okay, you're tripping.

I don't even want them. This looks like an interracial couple convention.

Oh, stop.

You've got to relax.

You've just got to.

This dude?

Second time he's walked by me. He's with someone. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Did you notice me?

Am I invisible to you or something?

Okay. Hello.

What's your problem?

I'm not the one with the problem.

Girl, I don't like this interracial stuff either.

Raul. Isabel. Let's go find the bar.

Underlay. Underlay. Why is there a child at the party? It's a bit weird.

I just saw what went down and you're right.

Oh, Jesus.

There are too many brothers out there not realizing they need to stay at home,

you know what I'm saying? No, I don't.

Talking about staying at home with the sisters.

You need to relish in the fact that a strong, beautiful black woman needs to

cherished. Boy, bye.

Who is that nut?

He could have been our soulmate, and you just let him go. He was the best man at

the wedding. You got jokes.

He's Eric's friend. I remember.

They're pretty. They're really funny.

How you like your marriage?

It's cool. It's cool.

That was a very beautiful wedding.

Hey, you and Joe got a problem?

Yo, who's?

Hey, yo, who works with your wife? The man over there looking at you.

Oh, there you are.

No, I don't have a problem with him. He might have a problem with me.

He gets a little high and strong, I'll be on that trail.

He's my wife's cousin.

Play cousin.

There he is, right?

You know him, right? Be cool. No sudden movements.

Hey, yo.

What's up? Nothing.

Yeah, hey, yo. It's I -O to you.

Okay. I saw you staring at me.

Actually, you staring at me. No, I wasn't. Yes, you were. No. Yes. No. Yes.

No. Yes. Guys, the best communication.

He insulted you and your wife.

Man, that's not true, man. Are you calling me a liar?

Look, man.

You don't know me.

I will take a butter knife, insert it into your ear canal, pull out your

appendix, and slap you silly with it.

Time for me to move, man. I can do that to you.

I'm quite capable.

He's taking you completely serious right now. He believes you. Hey!

Oh, hey.

Yo, it's a party.

Come on.

Who do you think you're talking to?

You marry my cousin, you think you can talk to me any kind of way? Absolutely

not. Come on.

Eric, with a small incision below your belly button, I can pull out 20 feet of

your intestines, put them in a pot, and make chitlins out of them.

Oh, my gosh.

You are incredible.

Well, thank you.

I know who you are. You don't know who I am? Uh -huh. How do you know who I am?

I was at your reception.

Oh. I was at your reception. You can't talk because you're married.

Of course I'm talking.

I'm a grown -ass.

We're talking now.

Yeah. So, what do you do?

I am a freelance photographer.

Really? Yeah, really.

Where can I see your work?

You're in luck.

I have some right here on the phone.

Okay.

Whoa. Oh, good Lord.

I didn't mean for you to see that.

That's yours?

Yeah. You haven't even seen anything that big. It's aggressive, but, you

You've been given a gift.

You think so?

Oh, yeah.

Do you know what to do with it?

I mean, there's only one way to find out, right?

Right.

Show and prove, Hank.

Show me.

I'm sorry. I'm from the show me state.

Look at the girl.

It's broken down yet. No, I don't believe Phil.

Spoke too soon.

What?

Kenny, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, you told me that you were coming.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're saying that you're not. And I don't.

Hello.

Hello.

No, no, sometimes a reception. No, no, no. No, honey.

No, it's not the reception. It's fine. No,

don't call him back. Stop it. I am calling him back. Don't call him back.

it. What is wrong with you?

It's my freaking phone. It's my freaking party. You're right.

You're right. You're right. What are you staring at? Drink up.

Okay. Drink up. Drink up. Drink up.

Hi. Hi.

It's me. Okay.

Listen, I just want you to know that no one, no one.

Hey, don't you ever hang up on me. Do you hear me, Kenneth?

Okay, you call me back right this instant. Do you hear me?

Do you hear this voicemail? Yeah. Okay, so let's give him some time.

Let's give him some time. I'm fine. Okay, just have a seat. Maybe give him

time. I'm fine. Just give him some time, honey. Okay, okay. We'll call you back.

I'm going to call Seth back. Oh, no, no, no. Not anymore. Don't call him back

anymore. Just don't call him back. No, no, no. Don't call him back. Don't call

him back. No, no.

Don't call him back.

Okay.

What are you looking at?

Drink your freaking martini and leave me the hell alone. Okay.

Hey. Hey, baby. It's me.

Wow.

I honestly just want to say that, you know, I'm sorry.

I am so sorry for raising my boy, okay?

I just thought we decided to not make this a divorce.

party when in actuality it is a divorce party after all right so um basically

what i want you to know uh kenny is that that i'm here and that and that i'm not

going to leave and i'm going to be here so whenever you're ready to come baby

it's all good the door is open we're here we're gonna be having the party all

night long kenny um okay okay i love you

i know exactly what you're doing i know what you're doing. You're sitting on

that little couch of yours, okay, and you're pressing ignore!

That's what's happening here. I love you, and I'm sorry.

I know! You see?

My car!

All right? And you're sitting with that little whore, little sloppy ugly

frickin' hobbit tramp of yours, okay, that you're listening for! Stop it! Stop

it! Stop it! Okay?

Annie, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, and apparently you

forgot. I'm so, so sorry. So if you, you know, if you just If you would just

stop ignoring me.

Don't touch me. And pick up the phone.

We could have some closure, and we could talk about this.

Bye. All right, he knows that's much better, honey. That's much better. Much,

much better. Now let's go get a drink, okay, honey? Come on, just relax. Let's

get a drink. All right, come on. Come on.

Oh, no, not again. Don't come near me.

Don't come near me.

It's fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Everything's good.

It's good. It's good. Everything's good. I'm good.

This is voicemail.

Okay, hey, Kenny.

It's me.

Tanisha, I just called. I know it's your voicemail. I know exactly what you're

doing. Okay, I'm on you.

Okay, I know exactly what's going on here. And I know that you pressed...

the skin from your body and make a love seat with it.

Will you stay away from me, man?

Yeah, you know your co -worker, Ayo?

Yeah, Ayo.

Yes, Ayo. He is a piece of work.

What happened?

He... keeps threatening me. Oh, come on, Aaron. Stop being serious.

He told me he could remove all the skin from my body and make a loveseat with

it.

Really? Yes, really. Are you thinking to make that up?

Stop with that guy.

Aaron, I want to ask you a question.

Monica! Aaron, which way did Kenneth go?

Did you see him? I don't know. I haven't seen him. Did he go? No, he was... I

don't know.

Just try to...

What kind of car he drives. Something is wrong with you.

Promise you won't get mad?

No.

What is it?

I want Kayla to come live with us full time.

So, what, what, what?

She's not getting along with your ex anymore, huh? Well, I mean, that's part

it, but really, we don't have a choice. Look, why don't you just say you'll give

it a try?

Look, my answer would be the same as it was last month.

Your appointment with Dr. Tanisha is tomorrow.

I'll wait.

Yeah, but your appointment is tomorrow.

I mean, 24 hours from now?

Never mind.

Have a seat.

Do I have to call the police?

Not yet.

Your 2 o 'clock appointment has already been prepped. Oh, thank you so much for

doing that.

Oh, and she got the job.

Who? Shay, my cousin.

She'll be floating amongst all of the doctors.

That's great.

And, April, you are a true friend.

What? I know you put in a good word for her.

Thank you.

Oh, I've done all the Hollywood stars. You look like a movie star.

Just look at my wall, baby. I've done CeeLo Green.

I've done Eddie Griffin.

I've done NeNe Leakes. You know how big her mouth is.

And I did Steve Harvey. That took me all day.

So now look, they're not too big. Look at that beautiful smile. You look like

Super Bado.

You know, her head is still growing, so her head has got to grow into her teeth.

Actually, I'm saving you money, because the worst thing that could happen is

that her head outgrow her teeth, and her teeth will look like little Tic Tacs,

and that's no good for anybody.

That's no good at all.

Okay, well, have a nice day.

Enjoy your new teeth.

Bright smile.

Can I schedule you guys another appointment?

I'm going to go check on Dr. Eunice.

Monica, come here!

What's wrong?

Now let go!

Let her go.

What's wrong, Eunice?

Everything.

I'm not happy. You need to stop injecting that Novocaine into your jaw

inhaling that stuff, Mama.

Business is slow.

Everybody said this team captain was going to bring dentistry back.

And my marriage sucks.

Oh, but I thought you said that you and Ro were happy.

Girl, I don't comprehend what he said half the time.

His English is pretty bad. But come on, Eunice. I mean, you're going to have a

patient that's going to be here in 20 minutes. You've got to get us together.

Let's go.

I'm tired of watching him play soccer in the park all weekend, too. We just

don't have much in common anymore.

I heard that.

I heard you say something about niggas. You talking about me, bitch?

No, ain't nobody ask you about car insurance. You comprendo just fine.

remember the things that you like about each other and stop focusing on things

you don't like. Exactly.

Yeah. You're right.

You know, our 14 -month anniversary is coming up this weekend. Yay!

Congratulations. I remember when... Get off of that.

I remember when we first met.

I was standing in line at 7 -Eleven, and he started talking to me, speaking

Spanish at that whistle.

I bought him a bag of Doritos and a banana.

But I knew that language barrier was going to be a problem. I knew it. No,

no, no, no.

Eunice, love has no barrier.

That's right.

I am a little bit older than he is.

You're right.

You know, he's really a good single father, too.

Mm -hmm.

You know, that little girl in here, she's just as cute as a bonus holiday.

the biggest on my nerves. Yeah.

Now, I know she be talking stuff about me in Spanish when she think I don't

know, but I'm not stupid, okay? Come on here. Get up so that we can go wash your

face. No, I don't want to.

How much Novocaine did you take?

Two cc's. It's nothing. You took more than that.

Your face looks ridiculous.

Well, I look better than your ass.

Watch your mouth.

I'm not going to wash your face. You keep that up.

Get out of my house.

Get out.

Now.

What are you doing?

I need to be asking you that.

What are you doing?

That was embarrassing.

I'm going to call your mother.

Call her. I don't care.

You walk in here making people leave. You do know that I live here now. This

my house.

So what?

That doesn't mean that you can just walk in here and make me look stupid like

that. Look, look.

I'm not your daddy, okay?

Yes, you're right.

You're not my daddy. So you don't have the right to say a damn thing to me.

You're high.

Again. No.

As if it's any of your business.

Yeah, yeah, Monica. I need you to, uh, I need you to come home.

Right now.

No, no.

How far away are you?

Okay. Okay.

She's almost here.

If I find drugs in your room, you're going to have a big problem.

Don't go in my room!

You know what, Aaron? We don't need you.

I'm getting sick and tired of you and your little rules. You know, I could say

some things to you, Kayla, but I don't want to hurt your feelings.

You can't hurt my feelings.

Don't you have some carpets to go clean, Mr. Rebound?

Mr. Rebound, what are you talking about?

Come on, Aaron.

Don't play dumb. I have no idea what you're talking about.

You're nothing but my mother's rebound man.

See, what you don't know is that she begged to get back with my father right

after you proposed.

Now, don't tell me you didn't know that.

Y 'all need you to not say another word until your mother gets home.

Oh, so the truth hurts.

You actually thought that my mom wanted you? That's it, Kayla.

No.

She's with you because my daddy didn't want her anymore, so she settled.

You believe whatever you want to believe.

She settled.

Mr. Rebound!

Go ahead, hit me.

Hit me!

That's exactly what half a man would do. You are high, aren't you?

What is going on?

Your husband just grabbed me and was about to hit me.

Aaron?

I did not hit her. Look how red my arm is.

Aaron, did you grab her? Her arm is red. I did grab her, but I didn't hit her.

I mean, look at her.

She's high.

You shouldn't have grabbed her, Aaron.

Look, I just came home and she had a boy here.

Coming out of her bedroom, obviously doing drugs.

Mama, it was Jared, my best friend, and I'm not doing drugs.

Jared is her best friend, Aaron.

You know what, Monica? I was... Never mind.

Where are you going?

Don't you worry about that.

To my beautiful queen.

You look absolutely hot tonight.

Don't you think hot is a bit inappropriate?

My bad.

So what do you do for fun?

Do you ever give up?

Nope. So, Eric, how is job hunting going for you? Oh, it's great. Just picked up

a few freelance contracts.

Got my resume floating around out there. It's fun.

That's impossible.

I haven't updated it yet. I don't even have the right software. Would you shut

up? But you have a lot of bites out there, right, baby?

I just got the Santa's Village photography gig over at Lenox, which is

that goes well, I'm thinking it's going to go well.

Easter Bunny photography gig is right around the corner. You know, I just want

to weigh my options. You don't want to just, you know, jump in there.

You just can't go out to Chase Daddy's house and wait for the right opportunity

to fall into your lap.

You are home a lot when I call you.

Okay. Really?

Really? You are. You have no idea.

how hard it is in the job hunt for an African -American. You wouldn't know

because you're Caucasian. You are not African.

You're American.

Okay, let's not get technical, all right? I'm of African descent.

Are you calling me a liar?

I am. Calm down. Don't you ever call me a liar. Whoa, I never called you a liar.

Technically, you did.

Shut up.

I will take this knife.

I will make a small incision in your spine.

Stick a catfish mitt on my hand, place it inside of your back, pull out your

spleen, and grill it like suya.

Excuse me for a second.

Let it go.

Let the knife go.

Some new news. Some new news has come into my life right now. Some new news. I

feel it. Good evening.

Good evening.

I was having dinner with my relatives over there, and I couldn't help but

how much prettier this side of the room is.

Wow.

You guys are stunning.

Mm -hmm.

Wow. I'm Eric.

And I'm Quan.

Quan. I'm Nikki.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Yes, you are. What is he doing?

You know Eric.

Mr. Personality has to stop and talk to everybody.

Why do you let him flirt with girls right in front of your face?

It's very, very rude.

I trust him, Ayo.

Please relax.

I was just going to the bathroom.

Enjoy your drinks and stay incredible.

Wow.

Oh, he left his phone.

He just went to the bathroom. He'll be right back.

Oh, my God.

What? You have to look at this.

You think he's gay?

You never know.

Excuse me.

Did you happen to see an iPhone?

It might have fallen out of my pocket. I have it.

Man.

Oh, you guys saw the picture?

Well, we couldn't help but know.

I'm so embarrassed.

You shouldn't be embarrassed.

You should be celebrated.

Celebrated.

It is massive.

Yes. Yes.

Okay, look, I should be getting back.

Well, maybe you can send me some of those pictures.

Stop it, Kwame.

Good night, good night.

Jesus, what are we doing?

Woo,

I did some ungodly things.

That was really disrespectful.

What are you talking about?

We're over there flirting with those women.

Shay, really, really?

She was giving me a lead on a job.

Stop tripping.

Never mind, Eric.

Like... So, uh, where were we? We were at you calling me a liar. Yes, that's

where we were.

Okay, uh, Shay, it's getting late, and can you just stop?

I'm uncomfortable the way you're looking at me. You married my cousin?

Now you think you can talk to me like some sort of infant?

You were a little condescending -y. I know.

This is Shay's celebration.

Right.

Let's just table this for now, huh?

How about I take you under the table, stick my hand up your ass, grab your

colon, pull it out and make a semicolon out of it. I put it right here next to

the shrimp cocktail.

Brian, you coming?

No, you stay.

He's here to make an appointment with Dr. Tanisha. Well?

Let me see his chart.

Just to let you know I'm next.

Don't make me have to kill you.

Episodic bouts of paranoia.

Extreme mood swings. We're not taking his lithium.

I am tired of being single, but not that tired.

You know what? I believe there's someone out there for you.

There was this one guy I really liked, but of course he didn't pan out, just

like all the rest of them. So what was the problem?

I mean, he was cool, but he had some transportation issues.

No car?

He had a car.

Okay.

You know, he was charming, charismatic,

handsome, the whole nine yards. But I guess he was dealing with some legal

issues.

You lie about...

And I can't believe you didn't remember I don't eat fish.

Look, April, sometimes I get my bitches mixed up. What?

Are you serious right now? Look, all these chicks I got out here, they don't

mean nothing to me.

That's why I keep it real with them. I tell them the truth because I don't care

about their feelings, but you, you're special to me.

I love you.

That's why I lie to you, to protect your feelings.

All these other chicks, they don't mean nothing.

Now, will you blow me?

Thank you. So then I just blew it.

So what was the issue?

I don't know, girl. You had like a couple of DUIs or something like that.

anyway, that's old news.

What about Brian?

The creepy white boy? Yes.

I just can't be a hypocrite.

How is that?

I don't do interracial dating.

He is really sweet.

He's not a creep.

He stared at me the entire time at your celebration dinner.

That is creepy.

Okay, maybe not. Can we go get some drinks?

Yeah. Please.

Thank you.

Bitch up.

So, this is your place?

Of course.

Okay? Okay?

Okay.

I think I'm ready for money.

Yes, and you shall receive.

Oh, well, hello, Mr. Monty Python.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Bermuda Triangle.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, okay.

Are you okay?

Are you okay? Yep, yep, yep, yep.

You are incredible.

So that's it?

Listen, did you hear yourself screaming?

I'm sure the neighbors, they probably think somebody was over here getting

killed, huh?

So, you know, I'm sure I'll take you exactly where you need to go, young

Oh, it was 45 seconds.

Excuse me, okay?

I know I was up in them bags for at least 52, 53 seconds. Give or take a

or two. Who's counting? Okay.

Before your wear is on.

and we can start rescheduling for that round two, huh?

Ding, ding.

Ding, ding. Ding, ding.

But until then, let's get on out of here.

OK. Bring the Mariolas on. Let's go.

Hey. Aaron, we just need to sit down like a family and talk about this.

Well, I'm tired of talking, okay? You made your decision.

Aaron, how can you ask me to choose between you and my daughter?

I never asked you to choose.

You chose.

Okay. I'm confused.

Yeah, but I figured you would be.

What's that supposed to mean?

Look, Monica, Kayla, you know, she said some really hurtful things to me, okay?

And you, you choose not to address them.

Aaron, she's just a kid.

Oh, no, no, she's far from that.

She manipulates you.

And she disrespects me.

She needs to go back with her father.

We can't do that, okay? Just, Aaron, I'm asking you, just come home, okay?

Just come home and just let's talk about this like a family.

We are not a family. We are co -existers, huh?

I mean, can't you see?

From day one, that kid has done everything in her power to drive a ways

us.

And I just don't want to live like this anymore.

So what are you saying?

I can't keep walking around my house on eggshells wondering what kind of mess

Kayla's going to stir up next.

I'm done.

I'm talking about a divorce.

I need some time.

I'll think it through.

No.

Aaron, no, I don't want a divorce.

Do you hear me? I don't want a divorce. We can just... We can work through this.

Shh. I need some time to think it through.

I'm tired, Monica.

I'm tired.

And I... I gotta get back to work.

Aaron, let's go to counseling, all right?

I don't want to do that again.

Remember Dr. Tanisha?

So, Aaron, how did that make you feel?

It made me feel like... Emasculated?

No. Demoralized?

I wouldn't... Okay, just be quiet.

Monica, just stay with me for a second, okay? Aaron, this has absolutely nothing

to do with your stepdaughter, okay?

Guys like you expect everything to work out for them. You know what I mean?

Because that's what mommy did.

Okay? You want your wife to be your mommy, but you should not expect that

her.

Okay?

You couldn't be further from the truth, okay? I totally disagree with you on

that, huh?

You what?

I disagree. You disagree with me?

Yeah. Okay, let me explain something to you, Aaron, okay?

All right, I am a licensed clinical therapist.

You think I just snatched that little tidbit of information out of the crack

my ass?

No, no, shut up, Monica.

I'm sorry.

Quiet. OK. Please. OK. This could be part of the problem. OK. OK? We are

with Erin's inner child here.

Okay, and he wants you to be his mommy. And that is not okay.

Okay, because he has yet to grow up and deal with the real challenges of a

mature man. No, no, no, just wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Okay, no, no, no, no, no, me.

All right? I was married to someone just like this. Okay, he just wants me to

match up to the standards of mommy.

That is too much damn pressure to bear. Okay, I can't cook. I can't clean. I

can't listen. I'm unsupportive. I just can't do anything right. I just can't be

like mommy.

So you, Aaron, don't you just sit there and look at me with that little

smug look on your face and disagree with me.

You need to man up.

You know what? You're giving me a goddamn headache.

Migraine. Let's go. Let's go, Monica. Let's go.

Don't you go anywhere.

Sit down.

Don't let him do it to you.

Okay? Don't.

Because as soon as the truth settles home, he's going to run home.

This is what you're going to do, Aaron. You're going to run home, and you're

going to run back to your real wife, your mommy.

So run, Aaron, run!

Run back, but you don't! Monica, don't let him do this to you! Don't do it,

girl! You're too angry to do this for a living.

I am not angry.

You're angry.

And you're just upset.

because I see through you.

You're a mama's boy, and you need to admit it!

Okay? Girl, don't do it!

Don't you dare. Don't you do it. Look, doctor, look, FYI. What? Okay, I never

knew my mother, okay? I was raised in six different orphanages.

I

think

we made some progress here.

Go ahead and check with April and she'll schedule the next appointment.

Okay? And I don't validate.

Okay. Go on. Go on. Thank you, honey. No, you're fine. I'll call you later. So

counseling is not an option for me.

Honey, please just come home.

You're right. Just come home.

Monica, look, I'll talk to you later.

Okay?

I can hear you in here groveling.

You need to really consider a divorce. You need to stay out of adult's

Okay?

Mama, you don't need him.

You know Daddy still wants you. Kayla, I'm not having this conversation with

you.

Hey, Shay, where are you going?

I got to go to the hall to deliver these files.

Yeah, I got a package I had to deliver around here, so I just thought I'd stop

by. Okay, cool.

Well, I got to go.

Okay.

Hey, Doc.

Shay. Hey. Hey, Dr.

J. How are you liking it here? I love it here. Yeah? Yeah.

You know, me and the wife, we're having a little get -together this Saturday at

my place. You know, maybe you and your husband can swing by.

Are you having a party?

It's more like a get -together.

Okay. So what time?

Eight -ish. Okay. You know, it'll give me a chance to get to know you a little

bit better. I'd like that. Me too. So great. We'll be there.

Okay. All right. Thanks.

Good. See ya. Bye. Bye.

Got you all scheduled.

Look, I am working.

I'm thinking of getting some work done to my teeth.

Your teeth look fine.

I'm going to go for this look.

I'd like to make an appointment.

That's my Chris Rock impersonation.

Did you really need an appointment?

Yeah. Well, Dr. Eunice doesn't have anything available for at least two

I don't want an appointment with her.

I want one with you.

Brian, I don't really do.

OK.

OK what?

Let's make an appointment.

I am available next month, Memphis.

Five o 'clock. Great. I'll just drop this peck. Wait, did you say next month?

I'm just playing, silly.

I'll see you at five.

Get out of here.

Has he been here the whole time?

I'm not going to do that.

Just sleep in our bed. Aren't you tired of sleeping in the guest room?

Monica, look, I'm fine.

Okay?

Fine. I just need to go to sleep.

Get some rest. I am tired.

I'll be home soon.

Yeah, whatever.

It's fine.

Please stop. I'm trying to sleep.

What the hell are you doing?

We already started. We might as well finish. No, get the hell out of here.

Oh, so you're on that Molly stuff again, aren't you? You are so corny. You're on

that Molly stuff again.

What's going on in here?

I tried to stop him, but he just wouldn't. What?

He made me come in here. What?

He started touching on me.

Monica, look at her eyes.

She's on that stuff, that Molly stuff.

Get out of here. No, no, no.

Get out. No, no, no, no. Get out. You have to believe me.

You just ruined your life, you sick son of a bitch. Get out.

Get out. Get out.

Oh, my God.

I have to call the police.

Oh, my God. I can't believe this is happening.

This can't be happening.

Hello?

Hello, yes. Yes, I want to report an emergency.

So my ex tells me it's after midnight, so technically it's the next day. She's

mess.

You're not comfortable being here with me, are you?

I'm having a good time, Brian.

You know.

It's the interracial thing.

I'm sorry, Brian, but yeah.

I understand.

We can go.

Check.

They're ready.

Georgia, what are you doing here?

What's going on? This your new girlfriend?

Excuse me?

I guess he didn't tell you that he's supposed to keep his boys tonight.

You know damn good and well it's not till tomorrow night.

Where are their shoes?

Good to see you again.

Hi. Hi.

Good morning.

Beautiful place. Thank you.

What is that? What is that?

Is it a limestone?

Beautiful.

We can't stay long.

Are we the first ones here? I feel like you should have to get dressed.

Oh, no. I wear this all the time around the house.

Let me go get the doctor, okay?

And I want you guys to have a seat. Have a seat. Let me get the remote.

You guys watch television, and I want you to relax a little bit.

Okay. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine. Look at this high -tech remote.

You didn't tell me you talked to my boss's wife. Yeah, Dr.

Tanusha's party.

God, I just pray you didn't say anything out of line. It's like... Oh, my God.

Change the channel. Baby.

Go update and change something.

Oh, my.

Baby. Sit down. Sit down. I got it.

I got it.

This will be cool.

Sit down.

Everything's fine.

Hey, Don.

Hey, Jerry.

What's up, guy?

You know, I just love Speedos, but sometimes you got to make an adjustment

two.

Eric, good to see you.

You know, it's cool. It's cool. I catch with this one. I pitch with this one.

It's baseball either way, right?

There you are.

Hey. Chocolate strawberries.

Oh, as great as those sound, we're not going to be able to stay long.

Well, I know you can't, but what about your wife?

Well, if you two stay, it could be all of us.

What's going on?

Listen, we've got to leave in a minute. Did you say a minute?

A minute.

I'm just trying to figure out what's so funny.

So, who's going to make the first move?

First move.

What?

Well, I see what this is. We don't swing.

Listen, Eric, why don't you take Val and you guys go out to the guest house, and

maybe this time you can give her more than a minute of your time, if you know

what I mean?

And you, pretty lady, you could have a seat right... Oh, right here. On your

knee, you want my wife.

No, no, what is going on, and what do you mean this time?

Bam!

Desensitizing lotion.

So, Mr.

Monty...

Does she know who Monty Python is?

Because it's a great American classic. Everybody's seen the movie.

Jay,

Jay, are you sure you want to go?

Oh, I'm sure I want to go. What about your job?

What about my job?

Well, how do you expect to keep your job if you disrespect me and my wife?

How am I disrespecting you?

Don't play dumb. You knew what was.

And it stays up.

Shay, I don't think you want to leave, Shay. You might enjoy it. You expect me

and my husband to have sex with you guys?

Don't be a pie. Come on.

Really, really. Come on. Liver.

Oh, yes, David. Oh, yeah.

Work it.

Work it. Yeah.

Dr. J, I don't need a job that bad.

Eric, you can stay. You got a light socket? Three pounds? Eiffel Tower?

Have you ever tried a two -man wheelbarrow?

Eric? Oreo?

Come on, I'll be the middle. Take that motion, please. It's a party. Jesus

Christ.

She resigned.

She got another job.

Because of court -ordered evaluation.

She did?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, she was dealing with some personal issues, too.

Personal issues?

You can have a seat.

Lauren, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Okay.

All right, I'll meet you there.

I love you, too.

Yeah.

What's wrong, Monica?

I had to put Kayla out.

Why?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

You can't choose. It's not cool. Trust me, it wasn't choosing between Kayla and

Aaron. Then why did you put her out?

It was necessary.

And it actually had more to do with Kayla than it did Aaron. Let's just say

something happened that actually made two people grow closer.

Sorry. Hey, ladies.

I guess you heard about my cousin getting a better job.

Yes, he got a job. Great.

Wasn't that...

What was it? She wasn't comfortable working here.

Wasn't feeling Dr. J.

I should have warned her he was Dr. Purr. Oh, shh. Lower your voice and you

could have warned her too. No, it's not just that.

She's getting an annulment.

Shut up!

Cheating, right? Ding, ding, bingo.

That wedding should have been a red flag.

I could really use a drink. We're still hooking up for happy hour, right?

You feel up to it? Yeah, yeah.

Feel up to what?

Happy hour after work.

Sorry, I can't make it. My cousin's landing in about an hour.

Invite him. Bring him along. Aaron's coming.

Ooh, maybe we can introduce your cousin to April. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh,

uh, I want some Kool -Aid!

Red Kool -Aid! Go home!

I'll wait.

There's Ayo.

And that must be his cousin, Sunrat.

Oh, my God.

Ayo's cousin is so attractive.

Yeah. Hello, hello, hello. Ayo.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi,

I'm April.

Oh,

and I'm Monica. Nice to meet you. My husband, Aaron.

So you came all the way from Nigeria?

How long was your flight?

20 hours.

And now it was worth it.

Well, so, let's sit, shall we?

After you.

Thank you.

Yeah,

my wife and I will have burritos.

And I'll purchase the first round. Oh, no, you don't have to do that.

No, I insist.

It's my way of a formal apology for being so rude and short.

No apology needed.

I was talking to her.

So, they will have the mojitos. And, April, what will you have?

I'll have what Sunray's having.

You like pina coladas?

We have so much in common.

Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies' room.

I need to go to the ladies'. Oh, me too. I've got to go. Thank you. Excuse me.

Got to go.

Did your cousin hook you up? Yeah, he hooked me up.

What is it with American women where they can't go to the bathroom by

themselves? They're probably in this non -cocaine.

April does cocaine?

No.

No, no, man.

It's a joke.

It's a joke. You had me worried there for a minute. A little African -American

humor, that's all.

You are not African.

I am African -American.

Stop saying that. There's no such thing.

Cousin, cousin, relax.

It's not that big of a deal. It is. These so -called African -Americans have

never even been to Africa. Have you ever been to Nigeria?

What's going on?

Okay. Oh, there you go.

It's okay.

Everything's fine.

Can I propose a toast?

Yes, please.

Glasses on. I like to drink to new beginnings, new commitments, new

relationships, and new successful business for me here in America.

And most importantly, new potential love.

I'll drink to that.

Cheers.

So, what is your primary business?

You mean, what do I do?

Yes. I'm a banker.

Oh, really?

Yes. Very nice.

I'm an investment banker.

And actually, I'm working on a deal that you might find interesting.

Oh, what's that?

Well, at the bank that I work at, there was an account with over $40 million in

unclaimed funds just sitting there.

Now, in order to release the funds...

You must come up with $50 ,000 for the holding fees.

Oh, my God. So if I come up with $50 ,000, how much of the $4 million will I

get?

65%. What?

Damn it.

What's wrong?

I had high hopes.

And then you're going to hit me with the oldest con on the Internet.

So, let me guess, man, you're an investment banker, huh?

Ayo, I will meet you back at the car. I will not sit here and be insulted.

Don't worry about it.

I can't catch a break.

No, I didn't know what he did for a living. He's like my third or fourth

Come on, yo.

It's Ayo to you.

Just chill out, man. Yeah, relax.

Do you see this butter knife?

I will shove it in your left nostril.

Go past your nasal cavity down to your esophagus.

Take out your lungs and pull them out of your right nostril with precision.

Here's the butter knife.

Now what?

Come on, man.

Black Lives Matter.

Come on. I'm just messing with you, brother.

Come on. It's all love. It's all good.

Yeah. Monica, you ready to go?

Absolutely. Yeah.

Good to meet you, man.

The boys are ready to go.

You're not supposed to bring them back until tomorrow morning.

Technically, it's after midnight.

So it is morning.

Where are their shoes?

Go ahead.

Drink up your bowl.

Ain't about anything what you're talking about.

You ain't talking about nothing.

You ain't talking about what you're talking about.

I give them something to talk about.

Talking about what you're talking about.

I give them something to talk about.

I'm not a sex addict. The

papers have been filed already, Eric.

I don't want a divorce.

It's over.

Whatever you need me to do to regain this thing, I'm going to do it.

But I can't do it, Eric. You can do it.

Why? Yes, you can.

Huh?

Come on.

Come on, Shay. Shay. Shay Bear.

OK, look, just take a breather. Just cool off, Shay.

Shay.

Shay. Shay.

Is that you?

Yeah, yeah. It's pretty impressive, huh?

Yeah.

Do you want to go get a bite to eat? You hungry?

Yeah. Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay. All right.

Hey, Murph.

There's a little girl of his as cute as a taquito.

There's a little girl he's got as cute as a bowl of beans.

There's a little girl of his as cute as a bowl of guacamole. So cute.

Can I get an appointment?

I don't sound nothing like him, do I?

I do a really good weapon tonight, though. You think I should get Botox on

ball? It looks like two hard -boiled eggs.

Real smooth.

Where are their shoes?

If you suck, put still me together.

Yeah, I'm having a good time, Brian.

Interracial thing?

Yeah. We can go.

Two checks, please.

He's twitching. I'm out of here.

I do start twitching them out.

Definitely not getting any questions.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out and take Pollo Loco out of here with you. And that looks...

Awful. Come on. She's not about this life. Come on, let's go, baby. That's

right. You know what? I could have had you hooked up on all your status.

I don't need to be hooked up. Lettuce. I don't need lettuce. Tomatoes. I'm on my

own damn line. Line of yours, raggedy ass.

Ass guy.

Come on, baby. She's not about that life. She don't know a good man when she

one. Listen, you think you could give me a good deal on some lettuce?

Look at him. Look in his eyes right now. Let's do this better. Look in his eyes.

Mommy. What? What, April? What? What?

Is that wine not good enough for you? Why don't you worry about you? Why don't

you worry about getting laid yourself, okay?

Take the edge off you, April. Oh, oh, oh. And the dress is awful. Oh, oh, oh.

How did you get invited? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You weren't invited. Oh, no,

no, no, no, no, no. It's fine, April. Your dress is awful. It's okay. No, it's

BCB change.

I got to go out tonight. Did you buy the hat on purpose?

Black Mary popping.

Hey, hey, the boot dogs are fighting. They're fighting.

Wow, wow.

It's really happening.

This is really happening. I'll be back to get them at 9.

8. I got to go out tonight.

White people wait.