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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 01:10:02,494 --> 01:10:03,620 Dude... 2 00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,810 - Good. Are you on? - Yeah, we're ready. 3 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,188 My name is Calvin Cutler. 4 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,066 What you're about to witness is the most badass, 5 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,235 fucked-up thing you'll ever see. 6 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,445 We call this the "Bull's Eye". 7 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,324 Oh, yeah. Don't try this at home. 8 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:18,370 You're good? You ready, buddy? All right. Right, ready? 9 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:22,499 One... two... three! 10 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,254 Tell me we got it. Just... 11 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:32,301 Did we? No! No way, we got it! No fucking way, dude! 12 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:34,219 - We got it! We got it! We got... - Oh, shit! 13 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,555 Look at that! Look at that! Dude. Bull's eye, bro! 14 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,393 Awesome! 15 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,104 We're putting it on YouTube! Let's go! Yeah! 16 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,397 Dude, we got a view! 17 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,484 Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it. 18 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,280 Well, then upload it again so we can have two views. 19 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,282 I-I don't think that's how it works. 20 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,659 - Hit "refresh," dude. - Oh, yeah. 21 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,373 - No way. - That can't be right. 22 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,666 - Do me a favor. - I just refreshed it. 23 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,084 Let's see if it pulls up. 24 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:10,672 No way. Twenty-five thousand views, man! 25 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,300 Five hundred thousand! 26 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,386 - One million? Yes! - You're too money! 27 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,306 - I told you we're gonna be famous. - We're gonna be famous and... 28 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,308 April fools, suckers! 29 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:26,230 I took the liberty of cloning YouTube and hyper-inflating your views. 30 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,689 ...You... You little shit! 31 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,692 Did you just try to hit me through your computer screen? 32 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:31,777 Yeah, I did! 33 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:34,404 Why don't you come in here so I can hit you like a real man, pussy! 34 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,491 Working on my science project. Enjoy your page views. 35 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,409 God, he's such a little spaz! 36 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,079 - We need revenge. - We do. 37 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,249 - We need to April fools prank him. - Yeah! 38 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:47,334 - Hit him where it hurts. - Square in his balls. 39 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,127 No! We gotta do something better. 40 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,339 We steal his computer and load it full of viruses. 41 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,342 - Wait, where do we get viruses? - Uh, duh! Porn sites. 42 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:58,345 hy do you think my computer's so slow? It's full of 'em. 43 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,348 Oh, okay, but how-how do we get his laptop if it's in his room? 44 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,642 We can't just-just kick in the door and steal it. 45 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:06,436 How do you lure a dragon out of a lion's den? 46 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,437 I don't know. 47 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,649 - You present him with a challenge. - Challenge? 48 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,526 A challenge. Jus... Follow my lead. 49 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,446 - Baxter! Baxter, my man! - What? 50 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:20,576 Uh, me and J.J., we have this computer problem. 51 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:25,581 There's this movie on the Internet and we can't find it. 52 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,166 Can you help us? 53 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,459 You're trying to get back at me for that prank, right? 54 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:33,589 No! Truce! Truce. Seriously, we just, uh... 55 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:38,969 we need to find it, uh, before the FBI takes it down. 56 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,470 You said the FBI? 57 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:44,558 - Fucking FBI, the CIA... - The CSI, NCIS... 58 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,602 I mean, this video is so illegal, 59 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:49,313 it has been banned by every country in the world. 60 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,480 Including Amsterdam. 61 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,608 Where you could slap a cop in the face with your penis, 62 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,067 and they'd say, "danka". 63 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,694 Amsterdam is not a country! 64 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,405 - Amsterdam's not a country? - Since when? 65 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,490 The shit's still banned there, dude. 66 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,410 Yeah. Think about it. They... It's- It's like it's the-the-the fucking... 67 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,413 It's the most dangerous film in the world. 68 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,706 - It is. - What's it called? 69 00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:13,420 Actually, you know what, Baxter? You're right. 70 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,214 It was an April Fool's prank. 71 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,591 I'm sorry we brought you into this. 72 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,593 You know, you should probably just... 73 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,721 go on with your life and never think about this again. Please. 74 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:23,764 Wait. 75 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,434 - What's so bad about it? - You don't wanna know. 76 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,769 What's so bad about it? 77 00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,524 Hey, slim! What's so bad about it? 78 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,359 - It can kill you. - How? 79 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,445 It can make you shit out your intestines. 80 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,364 It can make you bleed out of your eyes. 81 00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:42,199 You know, one guy saw it, 82 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:45,327 and he ran into a church, and he just started humping the nuns. 83 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,329 That was a huge story a few years back. 84 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,206 It can make you pull off your own dick. 85 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,791 Okay, why would you want to watch it... 86 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,334 if it can make you pull off your own dick? 87 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,460 Because... 88 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:58,131 if you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end, 89 00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:02,261 you're rewarded beyond your wildest dreams. 90 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:07,474 With money. And sex. And women. 91 00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:11,395 It's like that movie The Ring, but with a good ending. 92 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,398 - Yeah. And boobs. - Lots of boobs. 93 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,109 So what's this movie called? 94 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,404 Movie. 95 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,532 - Forty-three. - Movie forty-three. 96 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,412 It's not on Zwoogle. 97 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,790 Yeah, of course it's not on Zwoogle. It's banned! 98 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,335 Okay. Then I guess we'll need to dig deeper. 99 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,546 Visit some dark corners of the Internet. 100 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,549 Mm, yeah, the dark corners, dude. 101 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,384 Yeah, get in there. We gotta find this thing. 102 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,512 I found a cloaked server that houses banned videos. 103 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,515 Start out with the forty-third one on the list. Sound good? 104 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,143 Yes! Yeah, you guys keep working on this. 105 00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,688 I'm gonna go guard the door for the uh, FBI, 106 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,690 the CIA, and Mom. 107 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,318 Look at this. Check it out. 108 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:03,447 Hey. Ooh! You look good. 109 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,741 Hope you're almost ready. He's gonna be here any second. 110 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,577 I don't know why I'm doing this, Pam. I don't trust Julie. 111 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:12,206 - I mean, what if this guy's a loser? - He's not a loser. 112 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,124 He made senior partner at his law firm by the time he was, 113 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,209 like, twenty-eight. 114 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:17,586 So all he cares about is his career and money. 115 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:21,590 Mm, not according to Julie. He's a volunteer with the Special Olympics, 116 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,550 he's on the board of the New York Philharmonic... 117 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,719 He's opening a new restaurant with Derek Jeter! 118 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,764 But he's probably got one of those awkward character faces... 119 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:31,350 that sort of really has to grow on you, right? 120 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:36,355 Mr. "Character Face" is on the cover of Gotham Magazine. 121 00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,566 - That's him? - That's him. 122 00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,570 Yeah. 123 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:48,492 And he's here. Go. 124 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,077 - Do I look okay? - Gorgeous. 125 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,328 - You sure? - Have fun! 126 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,454 Bye! 127 00:06:57,376 --> 00:06:58,752 - I mean, you gotta be kidding. - Several of them. 128 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,089 I'm telling you, don't knock shopping on TV until you've tried it. 129 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,757 Beth, I think-I think you're the first person I've ever met... 130 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,175 who actually buys stuff off television. 131 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,343 - No! Come on! - No, it's true. 132 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,512 Oh, well where do you think I got this scarf? 133 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:11,390 And you know what? I bet it's softer than yours. 134 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,267 Okay. See, that's where I draw the line. 135 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,102 Do not start putting down the scarf. 136 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,604 Here. Feel this. One-hundred percent pashmina. 137 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,773 Well, at least that's what the guy on the street told me. 138 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,693 Come on, then. Wow, that is soft. Well, you know, I... 139 00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,487 Hey, Mr. H. Table's ready, sir. 140 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,655 Great. 141 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,532 - I'll take those. - Thank you. 142 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,284 - Please. - Our table's ready. 143 00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,285 Thank you. 144 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:32,494 After you. 145 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:40,419 So, um, Carrie tells me you design clothes for kids. No? 146 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,671 Yes. Clothes for kids. I design... 147 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,383 clothes... for kids. Kids clothes. 148 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,676 Awesome. Awesome. 149 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:51,722 So, if I see some kids looking weird this summer, it may be your fault, huh? 150 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,142 I'm just joking. I'm just joking. 151 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:58,103 Your Russian Standard Vodka, sir. 152 00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,688 Am I that predictable, Abby? 153 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,525 Eh... Yeah, you good with that? Or would you prefer a glass of wine or...? 154 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:07,529 No. No, I c-I could, use it. 155 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:08,697 Thank you. 156 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:14,328 So, here's to a, Here's to a wonderful evening. Cheers. 157 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,456 Cheers. 158 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,545 Those Russians know something. 159 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,593 This is... a nice place. 160 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,721 Oh, it's great. This pl... Oh, you gotta check out the ceiling. 161 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,723 Those beams were taken out... 162 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,309 of this old Quaker meetinghouse out in rural Pennsylvania. 163 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:41,730 I mean, look. It's all oak. Isn't that something? It's gorgeous, huh? 164 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:43,732 Oh, wow, Jake. What's this? 165 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:48,737 Well, Mr. H, this is a vichyssoise courtesy of Chef Billy. 166 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,656 Now, he heard that you guys were coming in tonight, 167 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,408 so he's put together a special four-course meal for you. 168 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,743 Lobster okay tonight? 169 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:57,204 That's okay with me if it's okay with you, 170 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,997 un-unless you wanna check out the menu. 171 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:01,542 Beth? Unless you wanna check out the menu, or...? 172 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,502 - No, that's sounds lovely. - Right. 173 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,337 Terrific. 174 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:07,548 Please thank the chef. Thank you. 175 00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:09,466 Bon Appétit. 176 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:16,765 Oh, you've, got something on your... 177 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,769 Something on my neck? Leave it to me to embarrass myself on a first date. 178 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:24,356 Here... 179 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,650 There? There? I got it? 180 00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:30,237 A little bit... bit more on-on the left b-ball...One. 181 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,156 Uh, left side. Of... Dribbly bit. O 182 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:41,039 Thanks. I mean, no biggie. Trust me, I've been through worse. I mean, as... 183 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:44,459 As a kid, I used to get made fun of all the time. 184 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,129 Was it, because of your... 185 00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:49,673 My stutter. I-I used to have a really bad stutter. 186 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:53,385 Actually took probably nine years of speech therapy to get rid of it. 187 00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:09,276 So, was there anything else they... may have made fun of? 188 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:14,031 - I don't know. - Anything at all? 189 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:17,159 Oh, yeah, some kids used to talk a little smack about my neck. 190 00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:19,203 - You know. - Oh, thank God! 191 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,081 - What's up? - I thought I was going crazy. I... 192 00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,291 What? 193 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:28,712 I mean... not a big deal... at all. 194 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:33,050 It's just, what is the story there? 195 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,555 Well, when I was six, I fell off my bike and I landed on a sprinkler head... 196 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,099 and they had to stitch me up at the hospital. 197 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,560 See, it's, it's just a scar. Right? 198 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,189 I mean, kids could be mean. They used to call me Frankenstein. 199 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,611 They're like, "He's alive. He's alive!" 200 00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,325 Well, I don't care, you know. Kids make fun of everything, right? 201 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,538 Is it just me or did it suddenly get a little chilly in here? 202 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,334 I think it may be that vent there. 203 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,089 - Here we are. - Man! Look at the size of those things. 204 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:15,092 Oh, Jake, buddy, would you mind turning up the heat just a tad? 205 00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:17,261 I think that, that vent's blowing right on... Not a problem. 206 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,137 Thank you. 207 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,472 And, uh, just let me go ahead and... 208 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,766 - Sure. - get this out of your way here. 209 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,268 Oh, God! Are you-Are you okay? 210 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,771 It's my stomach. There's... 211 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,608 Just get my breath back, you know. 212 00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:35,487 There he is! There's the stud! 213 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:37,155 Hey! Angie! Ray! 214 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,032 Hey, how the hell are you guys? You're good? 215 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,701 Apparently not as good as you. 216 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,579 Hi, I'm Angie and this is my husband Ray. 217 00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:46,373 - Hi. - This is my new friend, Beth. 218 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,584 She's slowly restoring my faith in blind dates. 219 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:50,127 Well, kudos to you, Beth, 220 00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,254 for getting this old workaholic out of his office for once. 221 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,714 Come on. Come on, Ray. 222 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,050 Nice work! You caught the big one! 223 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,177 Did I? 224 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,054 But... Do you not notice the... 225 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,433 - Look how big little Evan's getting! - Yeah. Little? 226 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,269 Yeah. He's growing like crazy. 227 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,397 - No. - Who's a big boy? 228 00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,609 Who's a big boy, huh? 229 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,070 Wow, Ray, he's a monster. You got yourself a little linebacker here. 230 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,406 A little linebacker that needs to go to bed! 231 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,700 Okay. You're off to bed. There you go. 232 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,621 - Fumble. - Another pacifier down. 233 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:26,747 I got it. 234 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,750 Thanks, buddy. Thanks bud. 235 00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:31,627 Here, bud. Angie? 236 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,170 You guys look so cute. I gotta take a picture. 237 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,213 Really? 238 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,174 - Angie, please. - Hey, let-let the man eat, honey. 239 00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:39,551 Come on, Ray. We have a picture of our first date. 240 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,428 They should have a picture of theirs. 241 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:45,307 Come on, get your fanny over there behind her and don't be shy. 242 00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:48,644 - All right. Okay, okay. All right. - Okay. 243 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:50,479 - I'm sorry about this. - Get in close. 244 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,190 Beth, I'm gonna need you to hold still. 245 00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,192 Oh, God, they look so... 246 00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,111 Get down! Get your face down next to hers! Come on! 247 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,322 Take it. Take it. Take it, take it, take it, take it. 248 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,991 - So good! - How's that? 249 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,702 Now why don't you give each other a little kiss? 250 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,120 Oh, come on. Angie, we just met. 251 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,206 Come on, let 'em eat! Let the man eat! 252 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,999 - Come on! Just a little kiss. - All right, all right. 253 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,460 We'll do one, one kiss on the forehead. 254 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,461 - One peck on the forehead. - We don't need to. 255 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,712 - Ready? Okay. - We really don't. 256 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,089 We don't need... 257 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:22,469 The fuck, man! Keep looking. 258 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,474 Let's try the forty-second one. 259 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:29,101 Yeah, yeah, good idea. 260 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,023 Boobs. 261 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,486 Pornography with viruses. 262 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:43,156 Yeah, Baxter, you're going down. 263 00:13:43,699 --> 00:13:45,117 Keep looking. 264 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,543 It's uh, roast Sumatra. I grind the beans myself. 265 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:57,171 Hey, thanks again for dinner. You really didn't have to do this. 266 00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:58,172 Oh, please. 267 00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,548 What kind of neighbors would we be... 268 00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:01,425 if we didn't have you over for a welcome dinner? 269 00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:05,053 Sean, Samantha was just saying that they homeschool their son. 270 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,180 Oh, that is interesting. 271 00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:08,557 Well, we just think it's the only way to make sure... 272 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,185 that he gets the best education possible. 273 00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,187 You should really consider it for your kids. 274 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:15,981 Hey, you know, Kevin's upstairs doing his homework right now. 275 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,524 I'm sure he'd love to talk to you guys about it. 276 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,195 Wait. He... So you homeschool your son but he still gets homework? 277 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,200 It's very important to us that Kevin has... 278 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,286 a normal and complete high school experience. 279 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:36,084 Written assignments are to be done in black ink. Not green or blue or pink. 280 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:39,171 When are you gonna get that through your thick skull, Mr. Morris? 281 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,173 It's Miller. 282 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,300 That's a detention. 283 00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:47,221 Move, move, move, move, move! Pick it up! Pick it up! 284 00:14:47,221 --> 00:14:49,431 Come on, girlfriend, pick your knees up! 285 00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,559 Oh, I-I see. It's... 286 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:56,563 But don't you feel like maybe he's, I don't know, missing out? 287 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,107 Yeah, high school is about more than just classes and homework. 288 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,236 Absolutely. There's the alienation, the loneliness. 289 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:05,239 It should be the unhappiest time in a boy's life. 290 00:15:05,239 --> 00:15:06,365 That's why we try to make sure... 291 00:15:06,365 --> 00:15:09,451 that Kevin doesn't miss out on any of those essential... 292 00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:13,121 emotionally scarring experiences that he'd get at a regular school. 293 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,333 Fag! 294 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,127 Faggot! 295 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,132 You dropped your books, fuckface! 296 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:34,059 Jesus! Dad, what the fuck! 297 00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,603 Whoa. You've got weird pubes. 298 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:40,732 Hey, guys! Come check out this kid's weird pubes! 299 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,278 Still, it must be an awful lot of work for you guys, though. 300 00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:47,281 Oh, sure, there is. But we love it. 301 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:49,825 I think we've put together a pretty comprehensive plan... 302 00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:53,370 that provides Kevin with every important adolescent experience. 303 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,414 You know, socializing with other kids... 304 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,178 Hey. Kevin, right? 305 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,181 Can I please come in? 306 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,517 Look, Debbie Clark's here, 307 00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:18,520 the girl you asked out before. It's gonna be awkward. 308 00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:27,279 Sorry. No. Sorry, sorry. No. Sorry. Okay, okay. 309 00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:29,198 Mom. Mom, please no, wait. Mom, just... If I... 310 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,331 Extracurricular activities. 311 00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:40,000 What do you do? 312 00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,085 I suck. 313 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,545 What do you suck? 314 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,132 - Dicks. - Louder! 315 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,676 - I suck dicks! I suck dicks! - Like you mean it! 316 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,554 I suck dicks, I suck dicks, I suck 'em all the time! 317 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,473 If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? 318 00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:56,683 My superpower would be sucking dicks! 319 00:16:56,683 --> 00:17:00,354 Dude. You have so much poop on you right now. 320 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,608 And of course the first kiss... 321 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:08,070 that should be the most awkward moment in any boy's life. 322 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:16,328 Emily and Kara said we should go all the way. 323 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,374 What do you think? 324 00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,282 Um, do you have protection? 325 00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:57,369 So, dude. 326 00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,789 Don't tell Jeff or any of those guys, but... 327 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,667 I just wanted to say that... 328 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,046 if I did like guys... 329 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:13,051 you'd totally be the kind of guy that I'd like. 330 00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:18,765 This is weird. 331 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,567 I didn't mean any of that. 332 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,278 Just talking, you know? 333 00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:33,280 Wow. 334 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,283 I don't think I'll ever forget the first time Kevin told us that... 335 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,702 he wished he'd never been born. 336 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:42,080 - He was only twelve. - Precocious kid. 337 00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:44,291 You know, studies show that the average child... 338 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,710 doesn't express that kind of self-loathing till they're fifteen. 339 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,420 I bet. 340 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,340 Here he comes. 341 00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:55,302 Hey, honey. Meet the neighbors. 342 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:59,181 Kevin, this is Sean and Clare. They moved into the house three doors down. 343 00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:01,433 Oh, the Yeagers' old place. Great. 344 00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,101 Yeah, I'm, um, I'm-I'm Kevin. 345 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,187 Uh, pleased to meet you. Welcome to the neighborhood. 346 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:07,814 - Nice to meet you, too. - Thank you. That's so polite. That's... 347 00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:10,734 I'm heading out. A bunch of us are gonna meet up at The Green. 348 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,319 Ooh, The Green. 349 00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,738 And, uh, yes, I finished my homework. 350 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:17,574 Oh, and Jen and I are gonna catch a movie afterwards, 351 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,742 so I won't be home until late. 352 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:21,745 Oh, that's fine. Just make sure you say hello from us. 353 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,707 Jen, my mom says hi. 354 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,377 Hello, Jen. 355 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:32,339 Hello, Mrs. Miller. I'm the pretty girl. 356 00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:34,758 She is. 357 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,137 - You guys have fun tonight. - All right. 358 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,348 Nice meeting you! 359 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,475 So. Who wants cake? 360 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,353 Creepy. Let's move on. 361 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,480 Keep searching, dude. 362 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:07,541 Hi. 363 00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:10,043 - There. - Oh, wow. 364 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,254 Now it's a picnic. 365 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,798 Would you care for a chocolate-covered strawberry? 366 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:18,510 Oh my gosh, sweetie. Talk about romantic. 367 00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:20,512 This is perfect! 368 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:23,515 Julie, we've been together for over a year... 369 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:26,018 Sixteen months and two weeks. 370 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:32,566 And in that time, I've come to realize that you mean everything to me. 371 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,569 Oh, Doug. You, too. 372 00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:39,323 And there's something I want to ask you. 373 00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:41,533 There's something I'd like to ask you. 374 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,411 Okay, uh, you go first. 375 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,246 - No, you go first. - No, you first. 376 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,414 No, you first. 377 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:50,542 How about we say it at the same time? 378 00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:51,793 Okay. 379 00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,797 - One, two... - One, two. 380 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,549 Will you poop on me? 381 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:02,054 - What? - Will you poop on me? 382 00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:04,056 What? What are you... 383 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,600 Wait, what did- what did you say? 384 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,811 I...I trust you. I feel like you're my soul mate. 385 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:13,607 I want to give you this gift. I want you to be my first. 386 00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:16,360 To poop... 387 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,111 On me. What? 388 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,615 You don't want to? 389 00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:23,242 No, I-I mean... 390 00:21:23,242 --> 00:21:24,743 Are you not attracted to me anymore? 391 00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:27,454 Of course I'm attracted to you, honey. 392 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:30,457 So will you? Poop on me? 393 00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:37,464 Ah, man. You just hit the fucking lottery, man. 394 00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:42,511 You don't think it's a little weird for wanting him to shit on her? 395 00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:46,306 Slow down, man. Have some respect for this guy, okay? 396 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:48,267 She did not ask him to shit on her. 397 00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:49,643 Shitting is something you do on a whore. 398 00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:51,103 - Right. - Right? 399 00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:53,730 Pooping is a gift you give to your soul mate. 400 00:21:54,523 --> 00:21:56,733 - 'Course. - I never looked at it like that. 401 00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:59,653 So tell me, man, what's on the menu? Before you do the big deed. 402 00:21:59,653 --> 00:22:02,281 I don't... I don't know. Does it fucking matter? 403 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,492 - Is she a vegetarian? - No. 404 00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:09,621 Boom! Big beef burrito, with extra beans on that bad boy. 405 00:22:09,621 --> 00:22:12,124 Put some salsa, some guacamole for color. 406 00:22:12,124 --> 00:22:14,668 When it come out of you, it's a festival. You know what I'm saying? 407 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:17,629 You went the extra yard for your lady. You hear me? 408 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:19,673 No, I'm doing something classy, okay? 409 00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:23,427 I'm doing seared ahi tuna steaks, a salad, and red wine. 410 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,679 - No. No, no, no! Fuckin' no! - Nice. 411 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:30,142 It's not about how fancy it goes in. It's about how fancy it comes out. 412 00:22:30,642 --> 00:22:34,146 Well... And believe me, Mexican food makes a fuckin' mess. 413 00:22:34,146 --> 00:22:35,564 And don't mess with fuckin' salads. 414 00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:37,774 You know what salad does? It locks down your bowels. 415 00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:40,527 You don't want your bowels all locked down, do you? No. 416 00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:43,280 Drinks are cool. Have a few fuckin' drinks. 417 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,781 - Makes you last longer. - Last longer? 418 00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:47,659 You don't want to be Mr. Two Squeeze, Thank-You Please, right? 419 00:22:47,659 --> 00:22:50,370 - You really don't want to be that. - Billy, goddamn, Billy. 420 00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:52,706 Why don't you go over there while grown people are talking over here. 421 00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:54,583 Go over there and play with your GI Joes or some shit, man. 422 00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:56,210 Yeah, I'll go over there. 423 00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:58,795 Lookit. Take my advice on this one. 424 00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:02,716 You go out tonight and you shit on a few skanks. Okay? 425 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:04,426 Get it all out your system. 426 00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:09,348 Fuckin' tomorrow, you are a one-poop man. 427 00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:11,099 Understand? 428 00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:14,561 What the fuck is this? 429 00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:18,565 Viagra, brother. Poop Viagra. Yeah. 430 00:23:19,191 --> 00:23:21,693 - Just carry that on you? - Yeah, I carry that shit around on me. 431 00:23:21,693 --> 00:23:23,445 - At barbecues? - You goddamn right. 432 00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,446 I got a meat problem. 433 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,198 All your fuckin' meat, I gotta clean that shit out. 434 00:23:26,198 --> 00:23:27,449 - Okay, yeah. - Okay? Fine, then. 435 00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:45,384 - I'm ready, sweetie. - Oh, fuck. 436 00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:46,718 One second. 437 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:20,502 I love her. Hey, I love her. 438 00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:29,761 - Oh, oh! You look nice. - Thank you. 439 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:32,639 Okay. Let's go... 440 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:35,517 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey. What are you doing? 441 00:24:35,559 --> 00:24:38,645 What am I doing? I'm... You know what I'm doing. 442 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,063 I'm trying to, you know. 443 00:24:40,063 --> 00:24:45,068 Not yet, tiger. I wanna savor this. 444 00:24:45,277 --> 00:24:47,321 Oh, okay. Well, I kinda-I kinda got to, uh... 445 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:51,033 No, no, no, no. Come here. Come here and kiss me, 446 00:24:51,325 --> 00:24:55,204 and then you can give me your special present. 447 00:24:57,664 --> 00:25:00,667 - Tell me how much you love me. - Oh, I love you so much. 448 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:03,045 - How much? - I love you so much I'd kill a man. 449 00:25:03,045 --> 00:25:04,087 Can we do this, please? 450 00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:10,093 - I bought this special lavender lotion. - Okay. 451 00:25:10,219 --> 00:25:13,347 - Why don't you get my neck ready. - You want it on your neck? 452 00:25:13,347 --> 00:25:15,349 Why? Does that not work for you? 453 00:25:15,349 --> 00:25:17,434 It's fine, it's fine. Here we go. 454 00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:25,234 That's nice. 455 00:25:25,234 --> 00:25:27,694 Okay, okay. There we go. Let's get it and... 456 00:25:30,489 --> 00:25:33,700 - No. No. Not yet. - What? 457 00:25:34,076 --> 00:25:36,578 - No. Come here. - What? 458 00:25:37,704 --> 00:25:41,124 - You're so excited. - I know. I can't stand it. 459 00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:46,338 Gosh. Remember the day that we met? 460 00:25:46,338 --> 00:25:47,589 Yes. 461 00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:52,511 Did you ever think that someday you'd be able to... 462 00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:56,265 - you know? - Honestly, no. No, I didn't. 463 00:25:56,265 --> 00:25:58,350 Do you remember what I was wearing that day? 464 00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:01,478 Baby, what was I wearing? 465 00:26:01,478 --> 00:26:03,480 - Do you remember what I was wearing? - A yellow sun dress! 466 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,524 Come on! Roll over and let me shit on you, please! 467 00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,026 Excuse me? 468 00:26:08,026 --> 00:26:10,362 I'm sorry. Poop on you. I meant poop on you. 469 00:26:10,362 --> 00:26:12,155 Honey, I would never shit on you. 470 00:26:12,155 --> 00:26:13,740 I would never shit on you. Honey? 471 00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:16,577 Come here. I love you! Fuck! 472 00:26:17,578 --> 00:26:19,163 Oh, I can't. 473 00:26:20,622 --> 00:26:22,541 Julie! Come back! 474 00:26:23,292 --> 00:26:26,628 Oh, baby, please! I love you! I want you to marry you! 475 00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:30,757 Oh, my God! Doug, no! 476 00:26:34,011 --> 00:26:35,554 Oh, jeez! 477 00:26:38,015 --> 00:26:40,184 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 478 00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:44,438 - Doug! Doug! Call a fucking ambulance! - I'm on it! 479 00:26:44,438 --> 00:26:48,442 Hold on. Hold on, baby, okay? Hold on. You're gonna make it. 480 00:26:49,568 --> 00:26:51,069 Oh, Julie, I love you. 481 00:26:52,029 --> 00:26:53,530 I love you. 482 00:26:54,448 --> 00:26:57,284 All of this was for me? 483 00:26:58,410 --> 00:27:00,204 Yeah, I guess so. 484 00:27:00,704 --> 00:27:06,043 Oh, yeah? It's so beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 485 00:27:07,044 --> 00:27:09,963 Yes... I will marry you. 486 00:27:10,714 --> 00:27:12,716 I will marry you, Doug. 487 00:27:23,060 --> 00:27:26,230 CougarCrate, where the web's hottest cougars hang out. 488 00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:27,814 CougarCrate. Perfect. 489 00:27:28,065 --> 00:27:32,361 Prepare yourselves, because the cougars are on the prowl. 490 00:27:32,361 --> 00:27:36,698 Look at you. You are nice. I like that peace sign. 491 00:27:37,366 --> 00:27:38,992 Just warmin' up... What? 492 00:27:39,576 --> 00:27:40,744 - Calvin? - Wh-What's going on? 493 00:27:40,744 --> 00:27:42,454 He's gone all Beautiful Mind on us. 494 00:27:42,454 --> 00:27:43,997 He's off the fuckin' grid. 495 00:27:44,998 --> 00:27:47,000 - Come on, Baxter. Think! - Dude, 496 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,460 he's taken this shit to a whole new level. 497 00:27:48,460 --> 00:27:54,508 Everything... divided by nine... 498 00:27:58,136 --> 00:28:02,224 Calvin, great. J.J. and I were trying to delineate our search protocols. 499 00:28:02,224 --> 00:28:05,102 Can you tell me anything more about this video? Where'd you hear about it? 500 00:28:05,394 --> 00:28:06,520 St-Stevie Schraeder. 501 00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:11,149 Stevie Schraeder. Stevie. 502 00:28:11,483 --> 00:28:14,403 Got it! It's time to bring out the big guns. 503 00:28:17,656 --> 00:28:19,992 "Falcontron"? What's this? 504 00:28:19,992 --> 00:28:22,494 It's the most elite search engine on the Internet. 505 00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:26,290 Only fifty humans have access. Twelve are heads of state. 506 00:28:26,748 --> 00:28:28,500 So how do you have access to it? 507 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:32,296 I hacked into the mainframe of the Bundesnachrichtendienst. 508 00:28:33,130 --> 00:28:35,424 Stop making up words, Baxter. Seriously. 509 00:28:35,424 --> 00:28:37,551 He does that all the time. He just makes up... 510 00:28:37,551 --> 00:28:40,053 It's the German intelligence bureau. 511 00:28:40,762 --> 00:28:43,682 "Bureau"? It's not a word. 512 00:28:45,559 --> 00:28:47,769 Attention P-Town shoppers: 513 00:28:48,145 --> 00:28:51,315 Be sure to check out our insert in Sassy Lass magazine... 514 00:28:51,523 --> 00:28:55,527 for killer deals on the Dr. Cole family of products. 515 00:28:56,195 --> 00:29:01,200 We're now offering a buy one get one "Senior Prom" special... 516 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,077 on lambskin condoms and boxed wine. 517 00:29:04,328 --> 00:29:07,080 And don't forget our "Deadbeat Dad" discount... 518 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,334 on all disposable cameras and whiffle ball bats. 519 00:29:10,334 --> 00:29:12,211 Got a dry, itchy vag? 520 00:29:12,544 --> 00:29:16,340 Today, we are offering a two-for-one deal on Beave Lotion. 521 00:29:17,049 --> 00:29:20,219 That's lotion for your beave by Moisture Maid, ladies... 522 00:29:20,219 --> 00:29:25,098 now on sale on aisle four. Be sure to check out... 523 00:29:31,063 --> 00:29:32,105 Neil. 524 00:29:32,439 --> 00:29:34,066 Veronica. 525 00:29:34,191 --> 00:29:35,234 Neil. 526 00:29:35,734 --> 00:29:37,110 You look pale. 527 00:29:37,110 --> 00:29:38,570 You look pregnant. 528 00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:41,073 You look like you slept in a soup kitchen urinal. 529 00:29:41,073 --> 00:29:43,700 You look like you bathed in a Dumpster behind the abortion clinic. 530 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,078 You look like the kid who got cancer for Christmas. 531 00:29:46,078 --> 00:29:48,080 You look like the slutty one on The Golden Girls. 532 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:49,748 - Dorothy? - Blanche. 533 00:29:49,748 --> 00:29:52,209 You take that back! You son of a bitch! 534 00:29:52,209 --> 00:29:54,127 You take it back! Take that back! 535 00:29:58,006 --> 00:29:59,508 I want to taste you. 536 00:30:00,008 --> 00:30:03,136 I want to lick you till you weep. 537 00:30:10,102 --> 00:30:12,771 - How's your acid reflux? - How's your HPV? 538 00:30:13,105 --> 00:30:15,274 It's your HPV, Veronica. I'm just carrying it. 539 00:30:15,274 --> 00:30:18,110 Let's not have another "chicken or the egg" debate, Neil. 540 00:30:18,110 --> 00:30:20,237 No. Let's. 541 00:30:20,237 --> 00:30:25,117 - Chicken. - Egg. 542 00:30:26,535 --> 00:30:28,245 Your flesh... 543 00:30:29,163 --> 00:30:31,373 slick with cocoa butter... 544 00:30:33,292 --> 00:30:34,793 It haunts me. 545 00:30:40,257 --> 00:30:43,260 - How's Veronica? - Veronica's fine, Veronica. 546 00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:45,179 I can't believe you named your dog Veronica. 547 00:30:45,179 --> 00:30:47,556 Can't believe you sucked off that hobo from Magic Bean. 548 00:30:47,556 --> 00:30:49,266 He was a wizard, Neil. 549 00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:53,562 Shh. I wanna be on you. 550 00:30:54,188 --> 00:30:55,522 In you. 551 00:31:00,652 --> 00:31:02,279 I wanna be... 552 00:31:02,279 --> 00:31:04,448 all... 553 00:31:09,203 --> 00:31:12,206 over your chin. 554 00:31:16,793 --> 00:31:19,213 Do you still like crème brûlée? 555 00:31:19,421 --> 00:31:22,341 Do you still like fingers in your butthole? 556 00:31:22,341 --> 00:31:24,176 You know the answer is yes. 557 00:31:25,093 --> 00:31:26,178 Oh, Neil. 558 00:31:26,178 --> 00:31:27,721 Veronica. 559 00:31:28,096 --> 00:31:30,349 - Neil. - Veronica. 560 00:31:30,682 --> 00:31:32,309 I wanna get over you. 561 00:31:32,309 --> 00:31:34,561 I wanna give you a hickey on your vagina. 562 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,617 You already have, Neil. 563 00:31:50,327 --> 00:31:52,204 You already have. 564 00:31:58,252 --> 00:32:00,087 I'll see you in church. 565 00:32:00,212 --> 00:32:01,630 Not if I see you f... 566 00:32:17,354 --> 00:32:18,397 May I? 567 00:32:22,526 --> 00:32:27,406 I'm no Romeo, folks, but I know what love is. 568 00:32:27,531 --> 00:32:32,744 It's an over-the-chinos rub and tug during your first AA meeting. 569 00:32:32,744 --> 00:32:34,246 Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. 570 00:32:34,246 --> 00:32:36,373 And if I was in your shoes, 571 00:32:36,373 --> 00:32:41,545 I would climb Dick Mountain mouth first just to get her back! 572 00:32:41,545 --> 00:32:42,671 Yes, sir! 573 00:32:42,796 --> 00:32:45,674 Are we gonna let that foxy little thing... 574 00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:48,802 run willy-nilly out of this boy's life? 575 00:32:48,802 --> 00:32:50,387 No! No! 576 00:32:50,387 --> 00:32:52,306 Are we gonna help this youngster... 577 00:32:52,306 --> 00:32:55,142 take that sweet ass to pound town? 578 00:32:56,268 --> 00:32:58,687 - When's your shift up? - Five a.m. 579 00:32:58,687 --> 00:33:01,648 - I'll take it till three. - I got three to five! 580 00:33:02,399 --> 00:33:03,442 Thank you. 581 00:33:04,651 --> 00:33:06,570 Don't be a bitch about it. 582 00:33:07,404 --> 00:33:08,697 Go get her, son! 583 00:33:17,331 --> 00:33:18,540 What's that? 584 00:33:44,066 --> 00:33:46,568 It's not as exciting as you might think. It's-It's... 585 00:33:47,361 --> 00:33:50,447 For me, I like to say it's more about, just like, helping people, you know. 586 00:33:50,447 --> 00:33:53,742 - It's not about punishing criminals... - Right, yeah, I totally understand. 587 00:33:53,742 --> 00:33:55,619 - It's just, it makes you feel good... - Robin! 588 00:33:55,619 --> 00:33:57,329 - Oh, no. - Robin! 589 00:33:59,248 --> 00:34:00,457 Hey, Robin. Where ya been? Hi, how ya doing. 590 00:34:00,582 --> 00:34:02,459 You missed your meeting with your parole officer. 591 00:34:03,085 --> 00:34:05,504 - What? Parole officer? - No. He's kidding. 592 00:34:05,504 --> 00:34:07,631 Yeah, yeah, this guy got in some trouble a while back for... 593 00:34:07,631 --> 00:34:10,008 whipping out his little Dick Grayson on a playground. 594 00:34:10,008 --> 00:34:11,176 No, I didn't. 595 00:34:11,176 --> 00:34:12,678 But, it's all good. I mean, your wife forgave you, right? 596 00:34:12,678 --> 00:34:14,429 - What? - You're married? 597 00:34:15,430 --> 00:34:17,432 - Married pervert. Yeah. - No, I'm not! 598 00:34:17,432 --> 00:34:19,476 Stacey, I'm-I'm not married! He's kidding! 599 00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:21,436 Oh, man. Dodged that bullet. 600 00:34:21,436 --> 00:34:23,605 The hell are you doing here, Batman! You're gonna ruin this! 601 00:34:23,605 --> 00:34:25,440 Calm down! Hey, look, I read on Twitter... 602 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,277 that a super-villain's gonna bomb this loser meet and greet. 603 00:34:28,277 --> 00:34:31,405 So I'm here to save the day, like I do, all the time. 604 00:34:31,405 --> 00:34:32,531 I mean, you know, it's my thing. 605 00:34:32,531 --> 00:34:34,408 - I'm the Batman! - Yeah, baloney! 606 00:34:34,408 --> 00:34:37,244 You're here to ruin my chances with women like you do all the time. 607 00:34:37,244 --> 00:34:39,705 No way, brother! No way! No, I'm-I'm in support of this. 608 00:34:39,705 --> 00:34:42,416 Get one more speed date, okay, then we gotta find that bomb. 609 00:34:42,416 --> 00:34:44,251 Ah, this sucks. 610 00:34:45,460 --> 00:34:48,255 Uh, little tip. Uh, less boy, more wonder, right? 611 00:34:48,255 --> 00:34:49,298 Ah, that's very clever. 612 00:34:49,298 --> 00:34:51,466 - Dazzle them! - Yeah, okay. Thanks. 613 00:34:51,466 --> 00:34:52,467 Hi. 614 00:34:52,718 --> 00:34:55,429 - Oh, hi. - Lois. Lois Lane. 615 00:34:55,429 --> 00:34:57,472 No, I...I know. I've-I've... 616 00:34:58,015 --> 00:35:00,684 It's...It's me, Robin. We-We've met several times. 617 00:35:00,684 --> 00:35:04,229 - Robin what? - Ro-Robin. That's it. 618 00:35:04,229 --> 00:35:06,440 I helped save you from Lex Luthor. 619 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:07,482 Sorry. 620 00:35:07,482 --> 00:35:09,526 You were like, "I'll never forget this as long as I live." 621 00:35:09,526 --> 00:35:10,777 Sorry again. 622 00:35:11,195 --> 00:35:13,489 - I thought you were dating Superman. - No, no. 623 00:35:13,489 --> 00:35:16,408 - We broke up about six months ago. - I didn't-I didn't know that. 624 00:35:16,408 --> 00:35:18,494 - He's been stalking me ever since. - Really? 625 00:35:19,411 --> 00:35:21,663 Last night, I look out my bedroom window, 626 00:35:22,039 --> 00:35:24,124 and there he is just floating there, 627 00:35:24,124 --> 00:35:27,544 just stroking that nasty little curl, and masturbating! 628 00:35:27,544 --> 00:35:30,339 Blew his wad all over my window! 629 00:35:30,339 --> 00:35:33,217 - He broke the window! - The, the...From the... 630 00:35:33,217 --> 00:35:36,220 Uh, his jizz is like a shotgun blast! 631 00:35:36,303 --> 00:35:38,764 You know that shiny stuff in his hair? It's not hair gel. 632 00:35:41,058 --> 00:35:43,101 - Lois! Oh, my God! - Oh, no! 633 00:35:43,143 --> 00:35:46,188 - Nice to see you! - Nice to be seen! Oh, my goodness! 634 00:35:46,188 --> 00:35:47,189 No, no, no. Yeah, we're in the... 635 00:35:47,189 --> 00:35:49,233 - Do you know each other? - Yeah, we work together. 636 00:35:49,233 --> 00:35:50,484 - You do? - Hey, how's Superman? 637 00:35:51,527 --> 00:35:53,362 I'm gonna give him a call right now, actually. I need... 638 00:35:53,362 --> 00:35:55,364 - No, no! Don't do that! - Oh, no, I'm gonna do it. 639 00:35:55,364 --> 00:35:57,032 - Batman, don't. Please. Please. - It's already ringing. 640 00:35:57,032 --> 00:35:59,785 Hey, Soups! What's up, brother! It's the Dark Knight. 641 00:35:59,785 --> 00:36:01,328 Hey, man, I was just thinking about you here... 642 00:36:01,328 --> 00:36:03,121 'cause I'm sitting with Lois... 643 00:36:03,121 --> 00:36:05,374 and she's on a date with my boy, Robin. 644 00:36:05,374 --> 00:36:07,459 - No! - Oh, he hung up. I lost him. 645 00:36:07,459 --> 00:36:10,295 Stay away from Lois or I'll use my heat vision... 646 00:36:10,295 --> 00:36:14,091 to fuse your balls into one big ridiculous uniball. 647 00:36:14,132 --> 00:36:15,342 Superman, you don't understand. 648 00:36:15,342 --> 00:36:17,636 I'm not here to hit on your girlfriend. That's crazy! 649 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,222 Batman and I are undercover and we're looking for a bomb. 650 00:36:20,222 --> 00:36:23,559 Bomb? I don't give two super-shits about a bomb. 651 00:36:23,559 --> 00:36:27,771 As long as I'm balls-deep in Lois, I'm solid gold. 652 00:36:29,064 --> 00:36:31,275 Stay away from Lois, bitch! 653 00:36:31,733 --> 00:36:33,318 Goddammit! That's his thing! 654 00:36:34,278 --> 00:36:35,612 No, so I told him, you know, 655 00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:37,281 "I mean, we're gonna be fighting crime, buddy, so..." 656 00:36:37,281 --> 00:36:38,323 Oh, there he is. 657 00:36:38,323 --> 00:36:39,533 "Uh, you know, you should put on some pants." 658 00:36:39,533 --> 00:36:41,326 But he liked the costume the way it is, so, 659 00:36:41,326 --> 00:36:42,661 you know, what are you gonna do. Kids. 660 00:36:43,036 --> 00:36:45,080 - Well... Thursday? - Thursday it is! 661 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:46,540 - See ya then. - All right, now. 662 00:36:46,540 --> 00:36:49,543 And, nice legs. 663 00:36:50,586 --> 00:36:52,588 You make me wear this. He makes me wear this outfit! 664 00:36:52,588 --> 00:36:54,548 So unfair! I hate it! 665 00:36:56,592 --> 00:36:58,427 She's a hoot! All right, that was your date. Let's go. 666 00:36:58,427 --> 00:37:01,555 - Bullcrap! That doesn't count! - What do you mean that doesn't count? 667 00:37:01,555 --> 00:37:02,806 That was a girl, this was a date. 668 00:37:02,806 --> 00:37:04,600 Now, let's boogie. We gotta go find that bomb. 669 00:37:05,309 --> 00:37:07,352 Please, just let me do one more. That doesn't count. Please. 670 00:37:07,352 --> 00:37:09,605 Oh, my God, you're such a baby. Go! Sit down. Fine. 671 00:37:09,605 --> 00:37:10,689 - Yes! - Fine. Go ahead. 672 00:37:10,689 --> 00:37:12,399 Have fun. But you're not gonna do it on your own. 673 00:37:12,399 --> 00:37:13,609 - Pop that in your ear. - What's that? 674 00:37:13,609 --> 00:37:15,694 What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get underneath the table, 675 00:37:15,694 --> 00:37:19,615 hide down there and feed you lines to help bag this next gal. 676 00:37:19,615 --> 00:37:21,241 Oh, right, like Cyrano de Bergerac. 677 00:37:21,241 --> 00:37:23,160 I don't know what that is. It's more like Roxanne. 678 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,454 Okay, but look, I-I'd really rather do this on my own. 679 00:37:25,454 --> 00:37:27,539 Okay, and I hear you, and I appreciate what you're saying, 680 00:37:27,539 --> 00:37:29,791 - but I, you know, I'm gonna do it. - Please don't. 681 00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:33,128 - I'm gonna do it. - Batman, don't. Please, please, don't... 682 00:37:33,128 --> 00:37:36,340 Hi. Sorry, sorry I'm late. There's a line in the bathroom. 683 00:37:36,632 --> 00:37:37,716 Hi. I'm Supergirl. 684 00:37:37,716 --> 00:37:39,676 - My name... - I'm Robin. 685 00:37:40,594 --> 00:37:41,595 Hi, I'm Robin. 686 00:37:43,555 --> 00:37:44,681 Um, so where you from? 687 00:37:44,681 --> 00:37:47,226 - So, where you from? - I...Um, Krypton. 688 00:37:48,685 --> 00:37:51,063 Krypton, eh. Where... That's, that's, uh... 689 00:37:51,063 --> 00:37:52,564 - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit! 690 00:37:52,564 --> 00:37:54,650 - Dude, I can see her snatch. - Dude, I can sn... 691 00:37:54,650 --> 00:37:57,194 Oh, my God! I can't believe the size of this thing. 692 00:37:57,194 --> 00:38:01,657 It's like a giant fucking cornfield. It's enormous down here. 693 00:38:01,657 --> 00:38:05,244 It's crazy. Look at that. I-I-I feel like at any moment, 694 00:38:05,244 --> 00:38:08,580 Shoeless Joe Jackson could walk out of it and I could play catch with him. 695 00:38:08,580 --> 00:38:12,668 Krypton. I-I hear it's really nice. I-I have never been... 696 00:38:12,668 --> 00:38:15,504 You didn't hear that the Sun supernova and destroyed our entire race? 697 00:38:15,504 --> 00:38:17,005 I wanna wash dishes with it. 698 00:38:17,005 --> 00:38:19,424 Did it? I did not... 699 00:38:19,424 --> 00:38:22,135 It's a huge, bushy catastrophe down here. 700 00:38:22,135 --> 00:38:24,596 Feel like Sean Penn should do a benefit for this thing. It's... 701 00:38:24,596 --> 00:38:27,474 What? Oh, no. You can hear him, can't you? 702 00:38:27,474 --> 00:38:28,600 Yeah, I can hear him. 703 00:38:30,227 --> 00:38:32,521 I can also see Batman underneath the table. 704 00:38:32,688 --> 00:38:34,439 Cause of the x-ray vision. Of course. 705 00:38:34,439 --> 00:38:38,402 No, I can just see him. It's a cafe table. I mean, it's really obvious. 706 00:38:39,611 --> 00:38:40,696 - Hi. - Hi. 707 00:38:41,697 --> 00:38:44,700 Ah, dude. I'm so sorry about your family dying and... 708 00:38:46,285 --> 00:38:48,704 Oh, man! That took me back to the seventies, huh? 709 00:38:49,705 --> 00:38:52,708 Hold on. There's our culprit. It's the Penguin. 710 00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,668 Excuse me. I'm gonna go do some Batman-ing. 711 00:38:54,668 --> 00:38:56,170 Do you need any...Can I help? 712 00:38:59,631 --> 00:39:02,009 Oh, it's hard to pick up with gloves. There ya go. 713 00:39:02,217 --> 00:39:04,720 Excuse me, sweetie. How ya doing. You mind fucking off for a little bit? 714 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,430 Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks. 715 00:39:06,430 --> 00:39:07,723 - See you later, citizen. - How dare you! 716 00:39:07,723 --> 00:39:10,726 You son of a bitch! Where's the bomb, you fat fucker? 717 00:39:11,226 --> 00:39:13,437 - Hey! Asshole! - Oh, shit. 718 00:39:13,645 --> 00:39:15,564 What do you think you are? Some big man? 719 00:39:15,564 --> 00:39:17,482 Picking on a little fat guy? 720 00:39:17,482 --> 00:39:19,651 Take it easy! That's the Penguin. That's what I do. 721 00:39:20,486 --> 00:39:21,737 Why didn't you call me? 722 00:39:21,737 --> 00:39:22,988 I...No...I... 723 00:39:22,988 --> 00:39:24,740 You said that you were gonna call me. 724 00:39:25,032 --> 00:39:28,577 Wait a minute. Did I not? I know I dialed a number...Did I not hit "send"? 725 00:39:29,369 --> 00:39:32,998 You said that you were gonna stick by me no matter what happened. 726 00:39:33,499 --> 00:39:38,086 And then your little Bat-condom breaks, and then you just disappear! 727 00:39:38,086 --> 00:39:42,466 Do you know what it's like going to Planned Parenthood by yourself, 728 00:39:42,758 --> 00:39:44,510 when you're Wonder Woman? 729 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,512 Okay. Not very romantic talk. 730 00:39:46,512 --> 00:39:49,223 Roe v. Wade here at a speed dating situation. 731 00:39:49,473 --> 00:39:52,351 Uh, look, I was fighting crime! Ask Robin. Robin, vouch for me. 732 00:39:52,351 --> 00:39:54,603 - He cries after sex. Do you know that? - Why would I know that? 733 00:39:54,603 --> 00:39:57,564 Like a baby. After sex, what do you say? 734 00:39:57,564 --> 00:40:00,609 "Oh, my soul's so dark." Because you saw some bats... 735 00:40:00,609 --> 00:40:02,569 when you were little? You pussy! 736 00:40:02,569 --> 00:40:05,489 Attention, Gotham City speed daters: 737 00:40:06,615 --> 00:40:08,200 How the fuck did he get over there? 738 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,286 It was all a clever ruse. I'm not speed dating. 739 00:40:11,286 --> 00:40:13,288 Some of you should remember I'm happily married. 740 00:40:13,705 --> 00:40:15,749 - That's right! - You were all there at the wedding. 741 00:40:15,749 --> 00:40:18,001 - Okay, bomb strapped to my chest. - Oh, yes. In any case, 742 00:40:18,001 --> 00:40:20,254 you all have to give me some unimaginable sum of money... 743 00:40:20,254 --> 00:40:22,589 or else I'm going to blow up Supergirl with this bomb. 744 00:40:24,466 --> 00:40:26,301 Dat dat dat dat! The detonator is in this umbrella. 745 00:40:26,301 --> 00:40:27,636 - Cool it. - No, you cool it. 746 00:40:28,637 --> 00:40:30,639 My non-monocled eye! Where are you? 747 00:40:30,639 --> 00:40:31,765 Disarm! 748 00:40:33,058 --> 00:40:34,268 Yes! 749 00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:38,397 - Are you okay? - I think so. 750 00:40:38,814 --> 00:40:41,024 You saved my life! 751 00:40:41,608 --> 00:40:43,068 Just-Just doing my job. 752 00:40:44,027 --> 00:40:45,445 Kiss. Kiss her. 753 00:40:47,072 --> 00:40:49,032 Open her mouth and touch tongues. 754 00:40:54,079 --> 00:40:56,039 Put your tongue inside her mouth... 755 00:40:56,039 --> 00:40:58,625 and that'll coax her tongue to go into your mouth! 756 00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:03,046 Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies. 757 00:41:03,130 --> 00:41:04,673 Yeah, and touch her butt. 758 00:41:06,049 --> 00:41:08,051 - Doesn't that look nice? - It looks so nice. 759 00:41:08,260 --> 00:41:11,054 Oh, yeah. Hold on! Not so fast! 760 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:16,059 Oh, God! 761 00:41:16,059 --> 00:41:17,477 - Riddler! - Riddler! 762 00:41:18,353 --> 00:41:20,439 That is right! The Riddler! 763 00:41:20,772 --> 00:41:24,651 In a diabolical scheme to get Robin and me to this speed date to stop a bomb, 764 00:41:24,651 --> 00:41:29,656 only to lure Robin away to some seedy warehouse... 765 00:41:29,656 --> 00:41:33,452 where you're gonna hang him above a vat filled with thumbtacks... 766 00:41:33,452 --> 00:41:35,662 or lizards or some fucking bullshit! 767 00:41:36,455 --> 00:41:37,706 Well it didn't work, muchacho! 768 00:41:37,706 --> 00:41:39,333 That was amazing. How did you do that? 769 00:41:39,333 --> 00:41:41,376 I mean, how'd you know that she was a fake? 770 00:41:41,376 --> 00:41:43,170 Bush that size is only good for one thing, 771 00:41:43,170 --> 00:41:45,714 and that one thang is hidin' the wang! You know what I'm saying? 772 00:41:45,714 --> 00:41:47,799 Wait. Let me get this straight. So you knew all the way back then? 773 00:41:47,799 --> 00:41:49,718 - You knew that she was a dude? - Whole time. 774 00:41:49,718 --> 00:41:51,553 Wh-Why'd you make me kiss her? 775 00:41:51,553 --> 00:41:53,514 Him. This. 776 00:41:53,555 --> 00:41:54,598 I don't know. 777 00:41:54,598 --> 00:41:57,684 I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuck-arounds. 778 00:41:58,101 --> 00:42:00,103 You know I'm just having fun. My buddy! Woo! 779 00:42:19,748 --> 00:42:21,208 Remember this? 780 00:42:22,543 --> 00:42:23,710 Ugly isn't it? 781 00:42:30,133 --> 00:42:31,718 But think how they feel. 782 00:42:32,970 --> 00:42:35,973 Working without thanks to make your life better. 783 00:42:47,734 --> 00:42:51,363 Lonely, unloved, hurt. 784 00:42:57,744 --> 00:43:01,165 Physical, verbal, emotional abuse... 785 00:43:01,748 --> 00:43:04,001 to get what we want done. 786 00:43:07,504 --> 00:43:09,715 Can't you see they're doing their best? 787 00:43:17,222 --> 00:43:19,725 They're not trying to take over your world. 788 00:43:19,725 --> 00:43:22,978 They're just trying to find a little place in your hearts. 789 00:43:23,729 --> 00:43:28,025 Remember, machines, they're full of kids. 790 00:43:35,574 --> 00:43:36,992 Dude, click the button. 791 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:39,495 Do not click the button. 792 00:43:40,245 --> 00:43:42,998 - Who the fuck are you? - I am the Minotaur. 793 00:43:43,207 --> 00:43:45,042 You are in my maze. 794 00:43:45,042 --> 00:43:47,211 Do you know where we can find Movie 43? 795 00:43:47,211 --> 00:43:50,255 Movie 43? Movie 43? 796 00:43:50,756 --> 00:43:55,177 Are you prepared to have your brains butchered into tiny pieces? 797 00:43:55,260 --> 00:44:00,057 Are you prepared to have a starving rat nibble out your eyeballs, 798 00:44:00,098 --> 00:44:05,103 and then have the holes fucked by angry, thick-dicked wolves? 799 00:44:05,103 --> 00:44:08,232 Dude, calm down. I think you're- I think you're just confused. 800 00:44:08,649 --> 00:44:11,276 We're-we're talking about Movie 43. You've never heard of that. 801 00:44:12,027 --> 00:44:14,196 Oh, yeah. She's here. 802 00:44:14,655 --> 00:44:17,032 I think we have a connection. 803 00:44:19,284 --> 00:44:22,621 It is the one movie that can bring down society as we know it. 804 00:44:22,621 --> 00:44:25,499 No, dude. That's something different. I guarantee it. 805 00:44:25,499 --> 00:44:30,045 I have taken a vow to keep anybody from viewing this film. 806 00:44:30,045 --> 00:44:31,088 Dude, dude. 807 00:44:31,088 --> 00:44:34,466 This guy's for real. He's protected by firewalls I've never even seen. 808 00:44:34,716 --> 00:44:36,051 We gotta click this button. 809 00:44:36,051 --> 00:44:38,554 Do not click the button. 810 00:44:39,304 --> 00:44:41,265 Do not click the... 811 00:44:42,558 --> 00:44:43,725 Suck it! 812 00:44:53,110 --> 00:44:57,114 Tyler De Soto. Fifteen. Port St. Lucie, Florida. 813 00:44:57,281 --> 00:44:59,074 He only lost a finger. 814 00:45:05,289 --> 00:45:06,498 It's horrific. 815 00:45:07,499 --> 00:45:10,085 I'm still not seeing what the problem is, though. 816 00:45:10,085 --> 00:45:11,128 Brian? 817 00:45:11,253 --> 00:45:15,299 The iBabe has an advanced 3.2 gigahertz processor. 818 00:45:15,340 --> 00:45:18,677 We left an opening for a vent and then we placed a highly-efficient, 819 00:45:18,677 --> 00:45:23,432 super powerful micro-fan in the opening. 820 00:45:24,141 --> 00:45:27,269 - And? - The vent is in her, 821 00:45:27,269 --> 00:45:28,312 Lower quadrant. 822 00:45:28,312 --> 00:45:30,063 Vagi-port. 823 00:45:30,063 --> 00:45:31,690 - Vagina. - Vagi-port. 824 00:45:31,690 --> 00:45:33,150 The vent is in the vagina. 825 00:45:33,150 --> 00:45:35,611 A certain percentage of our younger demographic... 826 00:45:35,611 --> 00:45:39,156 are sticking their you-know-what in the vent. 827 00:45:40,073 --> 00:45:41,158 No, I don't know what. 828 00:45:41,158 --> 00:45:43,577 Kids are sticking their penises in the vent. 829 00:45:44,077 --> 00:45:46,747 The fan then mangles their penises. 830 00:45:47,122 --> 00:45:48,123 Disgusting! 831 00:45:48,123 --> 00:45:50,542 Sir, the iBabe is a... 832 00:45:50,542 --> 00:45:53,128 High fidelity music player. 833 00:45:53,128 --> 00:45:56,548 Yes, it also looks and feels exactly like a naked woman. 834 00:45:57,382 --> 00:46:01,595 Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women. 835 00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:04,139 Our research doesn't support that, sir. 836 00:46:04,181 --> 00:46:07,726 Look, at the very least, we need to put a warning sticker on the box. 837 00:46:08,352 --> 00:46:12,564 Other MP3 players don't have a warning not to have sex with it. Right? 838 00:46:13,357 --> 00:46:15,984 A bag of potato chips doesn't have a warning, 839 00:46:16,151 --> 00:46:18,612 "Please don't fuck these potato chips." 840 00:46:19,196 --> 00:46:20,697 Am I crazy here? 841 00:46:21,156 --> 00:46:23,367 None of us could have seen this one coming. 842 00:46:23,408 --> 00:46:24,409 I did. 843 00:46:24,409 --> 00:46:26,578 Take it easy, Erin Brockovich. 844 00:46:29,122 --> 00:46:31,416 R and D team. You did extensive testing here. 845 00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:35,212 Did you anticipate anybody breaching the cooling system? Any red flags? 846 00:46:35,212 --> 00:46:36,380 Dave? 847 00:46:39,174 --> 00:46:43,762 Also, we've broken down our problem into three steps. 848 00:46:43,971 --> 00:46:46,974 Step 1: Kid buys iBabe. 849 00:46:48,350 --> 00:46:51,353 Step 2: Kid fucks iBabe. 850 00:46:52,187 --> 00:46:56,942 Step 3: Kid mangles dick and sues iBabe. 851 00:46:58,277 --> 00:47:03,615 Our goal is to eliminate step two and step three. 852 00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:09,788 Now I know what the problem is. 853 00:47:11,373 --> 00:47:14,960 Why don't we just move the fan? Why don't we just put it in her ear? 854 00:47:15,002 --> 00:47:16,795 No. No, no, no, no, no, sir. 855 00:47:17,421 --> 00:47:20,424 Uh, my team spent two years doing the impossible, 856 00:47:20,424 --> 00:47:24,219 and you're pretty much just telling us to go back and start from scratch. 857 00:47:24,219 --> 00:47:26,388 You know, to go fuck ourselves! 858 00:47:26,388 --> 00:47:30,225 Okay, look. The iBabe weighs over a hundred pounds, okay? 859 00:47:30,225 --> 00:47:33,187 It's basically illegal to take it out in public. 860 00:47:33,187 --> 00:47:36,315 Women's organizations are calling for the boycott of our entire company. 861 00:47:36,315 --> 00:47:40,986 Our stock is plummeting and kids' dicks are getting horribly mangled! 862 00:47:43,030 --> 00:47:44,406 Uh, come in, come in, come in. 863 00:47:44,448 --> 00:47:49,244 Sir, may I introduce you to the iBabe Special Edition. 864 00:47:49,244 --> 00:47:50,454 Oh, my God. 865 00:47:53,499 --> 00:47:56,418 Faster processing, double storage capacity, 866 00:47:56,418 --> 00:47:58,462 and how about that elegant finish. 867 00:48:00,297 --> 00:48:02,299 Just gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous! 868 00:48:02,466 --> 00:48:04,176 - Congratulations! - Thank you. 869 00:48:04,176 --> 00:48:08,055 Finally we can give our customers a choice of color. 870 00:48:09,264 --> 00:48:12,434 Oh, my God. Just when I thought it couldn't get more offensive. 871 00:48:14,269 --> 00:48:16,021 Oh, for Christ's sake. 872 00:48:18,273 --> 00:48:19,483 Yeah. Now I understand. 873 00:48:33,789 --> 00:48:35,290 Enough! Enough! 874 00:48:35,457 --> 00:48:38,335 What do you want? Money? Women? 875 00:48:38,335 --> 00:48:41,255 Just stop looking for Movie 43. 876 00:48:41,463 --> 00:48:42,714 Hey! Who are you? 877 00:48:43,257 --> 00:48:46,301 Movie 43. Where is Movie 43? 878 00:48:46,301 --> 00:48:48,303 I don't know what you're talking about. 879 00:48:49,471 --> 00:48:51,640 Where is Movie 43? Don't lie! 880 00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:54,017 Get away from me! Get off me! No! 881 00:48:54,768 --> 00:48:56,311 The fuck, man! 882 00:48:58,063 --> 00:49:00,566 So you know where Movie 43 is. 883 00:49:00,566 --> 00:49:01,608 No! 884 00:49:01,608 --> 00:49:04,403 The movie that allows you to see into the future. 885 00:49:04,403 --> 00:49:06,572 No! It will destroy society! 886 00:49:06,572 --> 00:49:09,324 He will unleash the dead up in protocol! 887 00:49:09,533 --> 00:49:12,286 Did Stevie Schraeder tell you any of this? 888 00:49:12,327 --> 00:49:14,496 Who is this Stevie Schraeder? 889 00:49:14,746 --> 00:49:16,540 Who is Stevie Schraeder? 890 00:49:16,582 --> 00:49:20,335 - Who is this Stevie Schraeder? - I don't know Stevie Schraeder! 891 00:49:20,335 --> 00:49:21,503 - You lie! - What the fuck? 892 00:49:21,503 --> 00:49:23,088 Fuck you! 893 00:49:23,088 --> 00:49:25,632 Who is Stevie Schraeder? You tell me where Stevie Schraeder is! 894 00:49:25,632 --> 00:49:27,259 Who is this motherfucker? 895 00:49:27,259 --> 00:49:29,344 He's a kid in my fucking Driver's Ed class! 896 00:49:29,678 --> 00:49:34,349 You will find us Movie 43, J.J. and Baxter. 897 00:49:34,349 --> 00:49:35,809 What the fuck, man! 898 00:49:36,518 --> 00:49:38,270 Keep looking! 899 00:49:38,645 --> 00:49:40,772 - I'm looking! - Don't look! 900 00:49:42,774 --> 00:49:45,777 I'm, uh, RSVP-ing to Sammy's Bar Mitzvah. 901 00:49:46,445 --> 00:49:47,779 Yeah, me too. 902 00:49:48,447 --> 00:49:50,782 The party, not the service. 903 00:49:51,366 --> 00:49:54,369 My mom always makes me go to both. Sucks. 904 00:49:56,330 --> 00:49:57,372 Yeah. 905 00:50:16,391 --> 00:50:17,559 Yeah! 906 00:50:18,143 --> 00:50:21,230 Nathan on a date for once! 907 00:50:21,396 --> 00:50:23,565 Jesus, Mikey, shut up! 908 00:50:23,607 --> 00:50:27,152 What? Mom told me to watch you guys. I'm just doing my job. 909 00:50:28,153 --> 00:50:29,571 I mean it, Mikey. Leave! 910 00:50:31,490 --> 00:50:32,699 I'm watching you. 911 00:50:35,410 --> 00:50:37,412 Sorry, my brother's an idiot. 912 00:50:38,163 --> 00:50:39,498 Whatever. 913 00:50:43,752 --> 00:50:47,422 - You have a bathroom? - Totally. It's right back there. 914 00:50:58,433 --> 00:50:59,518 - Yuck! - Nathan? 915 00:51:01,478 --> 00:51:02,604 Nathan, I... 916 00:51:02,604 --> 00:51:05,649 My brother spilled fruit punch on the couch. There's a big red stain. 917 00:51:05,649 --> 00:51:07,526 I, I, um...I need to go. 918 00:51:08,152 --> 00:51:10,529 But you're not getting picked up for another half hour. 919 00:51:10,737 --> 00:51:13,031 Wanna sit and watch some more TV? 920 00:51:15,075 --> 00:51:18,662 Yeah. I'll-I'll just...I'll just watch it from back here. 921 00:51:20,164 --> 00:51:21,748 That's cool. I like standing. 922 00:51:24,459 --> 00:51:28,046 Whoa! Mikey spilled fruit punch on the wall, too! 923 00:51:28,463 --> 00:51:31,466 - My mom is gonna be so pissed! - Nathan, I really need to go! 924 00:51:31,466 --> 00:51:33,635 Hey, lovebirds, I hope I'm not... 925 00:51:33,635 --> 00:51:36,388 Holy shit, you are covered in blood! Oh, my God! 926 00:51:36,388 --> 00:51:38,056 - What? - Oh, my God! 927 00:51:38,056 --> 00:51:39,725 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 928 00:51:39,725 --> 00:51:42,477 Oh, my God! You must've s-sat on a nail or something! 929 00:51:42,477 --> 00:51:45,105 - You idiot! She's having her period! - Oh, my God! 930 00:51:45,481 --> 00:51:46,732 What do I do? 931 00:51:47,065 --> 00:51:48,775 You don't know what to do? You've never had your period before? 932 00:51:48,775 --> 00:51:51,028 - No, I haven't. - Oh, my God, 933 00:51:51,028 --> 00:51:52,488 Mikey, she's already lost a lot of blood! 934 00:51:53,489 --> 00:51:54,823 Okay. Um, you know what? 935 00:51:54,823 --> 00:51:56,825 Mom's gotta have some tampons around here somewhere, right? 936 00:51:56,825 --> 00:51:59,077 Oh, my God! This is not happening! 937 00:51:59,077 --> 00:52:00,579 Fuck! You are way skinnier than Mom! 938 00:52:00,579 --> 00:52:02,498 There-There's no way they're gonna fit you! 939 00:52:02,498 --> 00:52:04,082 Look, I'm just gonna walk home! 940 00:52:04,082 --> 00:52:06,502 No, no, no, no! You can't walk home in your condition, silly! 941 00:52:06,585 --> 00:52:08,086 Mikey, hurry! 942 00:52:08,086 --> 00:52:11,048 There's just plastic bags! I don't know what the fuck you want me to do! 943 00:52:12,216 --> 00:52:13,258 - What? - Wipe yourself! 944 00:52:13,258 --> 00:52:15,010 Hey, hey, hey! Guys, I'm home early. 945 00:52:15,010 --> 00:52:16,261 Dad, help us! 946 00:52:16,595 --> 00:52:18,680 Pardon me, I'm Nathan's father, Steve. 947 00:52:19,264 --> 00:52:22,476 Oh, we're just gonna have to plug it up. I found this and this. 948 00:52:22,476 --> 00:52:23,519 All right, what's going on here? 949 00:52:25,521 --> 00:52:27,773 Nathan's date is on her period for the first time, 950 00:52:27,773 --> 00:52:29,525 and she's bleeding everywhere! 951 00:52:29,525 --> 00:52:30,526 - Oh, disgusting. - What? 952 00:52:30,526 --> 00:52:32,277 I mean, congratulations, young lady. 953 00:52:32,277 --> 00:52:34,530 "Congratulations"? She's bleeding to death! 954 00:52:34,530 --> 00:52:36,532 Oh, my God! My stomach hurts! 955 00:52:36,532 --> 00:52:38,242 She's having contractions! 956 00:52:38,242 --> 00:52:40,077 No! Oh, no! 957 00:52:40,744 --> 00:52:42,037 All right. 958 00:52:42,037 --> 00:52:45,541 N-Nine-one-one? Yeah, my friend is bleeding out of her vagina! 959 00:52:45,541 --> 00:52:46,542 Nathan, Nathan, listen! 960 00:52:46,583 --> 00:52:48,627 Why are you laughing at me? 961 00:52:49,044 --> 00:52:52,464 It's just...It's... The-The lining of Amanda's... 962 00:52:52,756 --> 00:52:55,509 internal organs just spilling out of her. 963 00:52:56,134 --> 00:52:57,511 Oh, my God! 964 00:52:57,761 --> 00:52:59,555 Look, I'm not dying! 965 00:52:59,555 --> 00:53:01,557 I got frozen peas and a sponge! 966 00:53:01,807 --> 00:53:03,767 If you wanna keep the lining intact, 967 00:53:03,767 --> 00:53:08,063 the man has to insert his erect phallus into her vagina. 968 00:53:08,063 --> 00:53:10,274 - A what? - You know what? I got a perfect thing. 969 00:53:11,567 --> 00:53:13,152 Maxi pad on a stick. 970 00:53:13,152 --> 00:53:15,571 Oh, my God! I wanna kill myself! 971 00:53:15,654 --> 00:53:17,281 Hello! Hey, baby, you ready? 972 00:53:18,574 --> 00:53:20,284 - What the hell's going on here? - Dad! 973 00:53:20,284 --> 00:53:21,326 Oh, my God! Honey! 974 00:53:21,577 --> 00:53:24,580 What the hell kind of sick family squashes a large tomato... 975 00:53:24,580 --> 00:53:26,123 on my daughter's pants? 976 00:53:26,415 --> 00:53:28,667 Whoa. Watch what you're implying about my family. 977 00:53:28,667 --> 00:53:30,794 Oh, I don't gotta watch anything, Jack! 978 00:53:31,336 --> 00:53:33,589 - Yeah? - Yeah! 979 00:53:33,672 --> 00:53:34,756 - You touching me? - Yeah, yeah, bitch, yeah! 980 00:53:34,756 --> 00:53:36,216 - You touching me? - You're not to touch me! 981 00:53:36,216 --> 00:53:38,093 - Let's go, bitch! - Let's go! 982 00:53:39,344 --> 00:53:41,597 Sucker punch him! Sucker punch him in the throat! 983 00:53:43,682 --> 00:53:45,601 Everybody shut up! 984 00:53:47,269 --> 00:53:50,355 Look, I'm just a regular seventh-grade girl getting my period, 985 00:53:50,355 --> 00:53:53,275 and it really sucks that it had to be in front of all you idiots. 986 00:53:55,611 --> 00:53:58,614 Dad, call Mom and tell her to meet us at home. 987 00:54:03,619 --> 00:54:05,537 She's got her period? 988 00:54:06,663 --> 00:54:08,123 So disgusting. 989 00:54:08,707 --> 00:54:11,293 You don't have a camping tarp I could borrow, do you? 990 00:54:12,294 --> 00:54:13,629 Sorry about all that. 991 00:54:14,713 --> 00:54:16,465 Hey, honey, don't sit in the car! 992 00:54:17,633 --> 00:54:20,219 Vagina is way too complicated! 993 00:54:20,636 --> 00:54:22,137 Yeah, no shit. 994 00:54:24,389 --> 00:54:25,724 Really? 995 00:54:29,561 --> 00:54:30,729 Dad, that was epic! 996 00:54:32,356 --> 00:54:35,567 I've been trying to push that puppy out since this morning's conference call. 997 00:54:35,609 --> 00:54:38,403 Woo! I gotta take a massive dump, and then we're watching the game. 998 00:54:38,403 --> 00:54:39,738 - Yeah. - Yes! 999 00:54:47,704 --> 00:54:49,081 Oh, nice! 1000 00:55:17,985 --> 00:55:19,361 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 1001 00:55:19,444 --> 00:55:20,654 Look who we found. 1002 00:55:22,698 --> 00:55:23,699 J.J.? 1003 00:55:24,658 --> 00:55:26,994 - Stevie Schraeder? - I freaking told you. 1004 00:55:26,994 --> 00:55:28,704 Wh...What the fuck! How'd he get there? 1005 00:55:28,704 --> 00:55:31,456 Stevie, tell them about Movie 43! 1006 00:55:31,456 --> 00:55:35,002 What's Movie 43? They keep asking me that. 1007 00:55:35,002 --> 00:55:37,462 - Cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger - What! 1008 00:55:37,546 --> 00:55:39,715 No, don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger! 1009 00:55:39,715 --> 00:55:42,467 Don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger! Please! 1010 00:55:42,467 --> 00:55:44,261 Movie 43 isn't real. 1011 00:55:44,261 --> 00:55:46,471 It's just something Calvin and I made up to prank you! 1012 00:55:46,471 --> 00:55:48,140 Well, apparently it is real, 1013 00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,642 and we need to find it or else your stupid friend dies! 1014 00:55:50,976 --> 00:55:53,687 - Unless... - Unless what? Unless what? 1015 00:55:54,229 --> 00:55:56,732 I can fashion a ninety-one-F-Theta Box. 1016 00:55:56,732 --> 00:55:59,026 No. Not the Theta Box. Please! Do not do that! 1017 00:55:59,026 --> 00:56:01,737 Go! Make a Theta Box, dude. Whatever that is. 1018 00:56:01,737 --> 00:56:03,405 Okay. Don't wait for me. 79578

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