Original subtitles

You gave so much in life.

I hope your soul's rest is perfect and peaceful.

Because your body's in for a long ride.

If the coffins are rocking, don't come a -knocking.

Wait a second.

Why is there no casket?

Because there was nothing left of his father to bury.

Join us brother

You'll be happy here.

I think I like it already.

Hi, Pop.

has this gigantic insider guard in the chokehold, when all of a sudden, I hear

this loud, the guard is dead as hell, and his eyeballs are just dangling out

their sockets.

It's always like, guess this guy's a sailor man, because I just made him

That's fucking crazy.

She has so many stories like that, and she tells them way better than me. You

would know that.

If you stopped avoiding her. I'm not avoiding her. I'm just not going out of

way to interact with her. There's a difference.

All right? If we're being honest, she's just not my cup of tea. You don't even

know her.

If my brother was in the car behind us, I sure as hell wouldn't be riding with

your dumb ass.

Family isn't just being related, okay?

If I was a beaver, I wouldn't spend all my time hanging out with other big -ass

rodents. If a gator was cool and the vibe was right, I'd kick it with him.

Shit, not again.

What?

I'll check it at the next stop.

No, pull over now. If something's wrong, you should address it right away.

Pull over right here.

Go talk to your sister, asshole.

You

piss

her off?

Get in. You, out.

Someone need a ride?

I told you we're done and I meant it.

You know what I like about the Jeremy Express?

It's all caboose.

I love what you've done with the interior.

It really shows pride of ownership.

Let me break.

Oh, what was it like being back at our old house?

Like prison, just with a lot of pizza. Come on, nothing in there caught your

interest?

The babysitter's club.

Oh, shit. I used to love those books.

What? Yeah, yeah.

I have such a crush on Logan. Okay, so I gotta know. How did Abby join the BSC

in book 89?

Abby?

Abby, Abby.

Abby, I... I don't remember.

Well, excuse me for not remembering a book, mister. I bonked my head and

literally can't remember anything.

Well, it's not like I'm trying not to remember.

I'm dying. Should we make camp?

Yeah, we'll head for Diesel City at first light.

Why don't you go set up by the water tower up ahead?

John and I are going to take a little detour.

Detour? I don't want to take a detour. Shut up, you do. We're going.

Copy that. Have fun, John.

Copy that. Ashley and I will be scouting for food and supplies.

Over.

Who knows?

You'll get lucky.

Buy me a muffin.

I told you the bakery's closed.

Checking for bakery hours.

Finally. Ready to fucking rock.

Tell me how I got this far.

Tell me why you're here and who you are.

Cause every time I look, you're never there.

And every time I see, you're always there.

Here we go.

hell are you doing here covering my ears mostly that's john cd what are you

doing in my trunk you stood up for me back there you

you saved me quiet

all right i laid it on a little thick at the end

there fine look i want to enter the tournament

It's not funny.

Oh, it is the way I'm picturing it. You'll be dead two minutes in, all

out, eyes crossed, tongue hanging out. That will not be me, okay? You're

at the best driver on the West Coast.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Think so.

No show.

Proven.

You don't have a goddamn clue what you're doing. I am just getting my

You know, my ex -husband's car was European. It was a lot cooler than this.

right, put it in gear.

Oh, my God!

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Oh, my God.

Why did you throw it in reverse?

D is for drive, dumbass. What? No, I put it in drive. D, drive.

That's an R.

Do you not know how to read either? No, of course. i can read you're looking at

the best reader on the west coast okay that's it get out we're done

She'll teach me. Is that what you think is going to happen?

She gives zero fucks.

I sort of gave one teeny fuck.

What?

Man, I guess I was wrong.

Millennium driving.

Headlights, camera, action.

I don't even want to know what kind of action got blood all the way up there.

Where are you going?

We stopped here one year on the family road trip.

Your little mind was blown by watching a movie in a car. You were so obsessed

you made Dad take us here every summer. Come on.

You're insane you think I'm going in there. This shit looks haunted.

You're still afraid of ghosts?

Wow.

Amnesia really is a bitch.

You forget your whole life but still remember to be a pussy.

I'll show you a pussy!

Hold up, wait!

L and K was here.

This is our spot.

Come on, get in.

My God, would you chill?

There's nobody here but us.

I know that.

Get in the car.

I would try and get the projector working, but I'm not going in that

It's OK. We're not here for that anyway.

I was hoping we could shake some memories loose.

Maybe this will help?

So whenever there was a car chase scene, Dad would let you climb over into the

driver's seat and pretend like you were in the movie.

And you?

would go crazy just pulling at the steering wheel and yelling all your

quips.

Drive steering?

Mm -hmm. You mean to tell me they would let me torque at the tie rods like that?

Not to mention scuff the tires.

So our parents really treated their vehicles like that? Ooh, cool. You're

there, Martin Luther Keyes.

You were little. You couldn't do any real damage.

We did do a number on the upholstery, though.

Every time Mom and Dad would go to the snack shack, we would climb to the

sunroof. And scuff up the backseat. That would piss them off.

What are you staring at me for?

The family whistle.

It was Dad's way of telling us to sit our asses down.

I swear you could hear it from miles away.

Right. It's like when Abby's dad taught her how to whistle through an acorn cap.

Would you shut up about the stupid fucking book?

Look at me.

Are you even trying to remember?

No, I'm not.

You want to know what it was like for me being in that house? All the pictures,

all the stuff in my room, all the things I'm supposed to remember, but I don't.

And then realizing, if I did get my memory back, I'd just be weighed down by

everything that I lost.

My parents, my sister, myself.

I'd rather just be me, be John.

But you're Lionel. Lionel's dead!

Let me out right now. I don't know. But whatever it is, he's not wearing a shirt

and he's fucking dead.

Those perfectly formed pectorals are basically bullseye.

Watch this.

I'm so sorry. You shot me with a... I'll lay down a suppressive fire and you

run.

God damn it.

Barely noticeable

Get on to this. Okay, okay, okay. Make yourself useful. Okay.

God.

Oh, that's so aggressive.

Before you even start the car, do your checks.

Gassed up, guns loaded, mirrors clear of vultures, hands on the wheel at 10 and

2. No way, I want to look cool when I cross the finish line.

Okay, yeah, first lesson.

You got out once, think fast.

Lady, out of here and the vultures caught you. You're dead.

Again.

Wrong.

Nope.

Dead, dead, dead.

Lesson two.

Holy men dead ahead.

You're supposed to drive through the barrels. Guess what? You died again.

God damn it.

Time for your final exam.

Drive.

nasty diseases you gave yourself using that dirty -ass needle.

I don't need medical advice, Dr. Piss. We just need to figure out how we're

getting past those soundwave thingies about sexy car man knowing that we're in

here. Well, if we're going to make it out of here, we're going to need a

vantage point.

I'm going to climb to the top of the projections. No, you're not.

We're going to the concession stand.

Whatever's powering those soundwave thingies is for sure coming from there.

Wait.

Wait, I'm remembering something.

Really? Yeah. What?

remember telling you it was a fucking bad idea to come in here do you hear

the sound of a scared little bitch oh wait that's you

Did you see those metal hands?

This motherfucker's full of surprises.

I wonder how he, uh, you know, starts his own engine.

Four arms on that guy.

One wrong move, he'll rip the shit off, poor son of a bitch.

Okay, so what's the plan?

Oh, yeah, let's shoot our way out of here, because that worked so well the

time. It worked well for me. I look fucking great.

Ashley!

Oh, you give Mama that French bread.

Oh, it's proofing.

Oh, it's proofing.

Come

on,

May. You can't stay back there forever.

Fine.

You're not going to come out and I'm going to eat.

I am starving.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, this is so good.

I have so much of it.

What is it?

Rattlesnake. You can make snake jerky?

Yeah, it's not that hard.

My brother taught me how.

Killing the fuckers is a pain in the ass, but then you salt them and...

Put him in a salt bath and hang him out to dry.

It has to be strong sunlight, though.

I learned that the hard way.

What happened?

What do you think?

I ate it raw and puked so hard I shit myself.

Yeah, it was a lot of shit, too.

Like, everywhere.

Why'd it stop?

My brother wouldn't stop laughing at Jagoff.

Hmm. Guess being a Jagoff runs in the family.

He wasn't a great teacher, but he helped me survive.

And eventually I figured it out on my own.

Listen, why do you want to enter this tournament so badly?

You do know it's to the death, right? Yeah, so?

I'm not afraid of dying.

And if I win, I could wish for a better life.

Let's try again.

Okay.

How's this guy even alive?

Why is it a mess?

They'll clean it in your car.

Smells better, too.

Shut up and cut the power.

What kind

of

thick fuck would do this?

a t -shirt if I were you.

Put it on the counter.

Well, I'm impressed you got past my guard dog.

Not many do.

We're just trying to get out of here, man. Oh, please.

You're like everyone else. Come sniffing around here trying to steal my life's

work.

You're jealous.

Oh, why would we be jealous of you? You're making car people.

There's another simplification.

I evolved that broken killer into something more.

If the only way to survive outside is to be in a car, then...

What if you could be the car?

But it's still not right.

There's still too much human in you.

Oh, but I could get it right with one of you.

So what, you just made cars out of black people?

What? No!

It's not racially motivated.

Is that what's coming off?

Yeah. I mean, you look at him, you look at us.

Let me just say, I've always believed science is colorblind.

Oh, God.

What's going on with him?

He's not sick, is he?

To be honest, I have no idea what he's doing.

Family whistle. We have the family whistle.

Some of my best

friends are black.

Thanks, Big Bro.

Now if we can just get that tiny little butthole of a mouth to whistle.

If my mouth is a butthole, so is yours. That's how genes work. Now go cut the

power so we can bail.

Hey, uh, Axel, right?

We just killed this little racist nerd.

I hope we can go our separate ways peacefully.

What?

We've had our differences.

Dude, you gotta use your big boy voice.

We cut the power, you're free to go.

Oh, good looking out.

Driving is about making a decision and making it happen.

You second -guess yourself, you crash and burn.

Alright, gas up, guns loaded, mirrors clear of... Jeremy?

What is he doing?

I was thinking maybe I'd take quiet up to Grandpop's cabin.

Oh, cabin.

Now that brings back some memories.

Wait, how you can remember Grandpop's cabin and not Grandpop?

I might have found a way there.

Okay, just a little bit. Look, I got tired of hearing about horses and how

Brian Carroll was.

Oh, funny and fine.

No third grader could resist this job.

Look who decided to show up.

Why is the kid driving?

Why is your face all fucked up? We just had a run -in with a grim douchebag and

a naked man on wheels.

Ashley. Ashley and Jeremy are dead.

They're real fucking dead.

And we're going to be next if we don't get the fuck out of here.

Shit. Okay. We should load up. I'll ride with you.

Okay.

So that detour worked, huh?

It did. Thank you for making that happen.

You're high, aren't you?

Indubitably.

Ash and Jeremy weren't the best soldiers, but their hearts were

cause.

May their souls bang for eternity.

Why didn't she bury the mask?

The mission lives on.

It'll go to the next doll worthy of wearing it. Well, you know, when you go

down, I'll keep your mask alive.

Oh, that's so nice.

Knowing you're driving, it'll probably be you that kills me.

Diesel City.

Where the biggest, scariest, loudest special weapons are made and sold.

That's cool, but we don't have any money.

We don't need money.

Because we're going to steal them.

to my concept.

What are you up to, you long -haired fuck?

We'll compete in multiple rounds, each unique and more deadly than the last.

Where in the fuck do you think you'd go?

If you survive, you advance.

There's a lot of stone cold killers here.

High three tooth.

Grim! How the hell did you get out? I got a special invitation.

The last driver behind the wheel gets their wish granted.

We've taken them all down.

Pass it up! Pass it up! Pass it up!

I'm worried that it'll take too long.

You make a run at me, I will end you.

Coroner, go list your cause of death as everything.

It's time for the tournament to begin.

You think we'll win?

Welcome to Twisted Metal.