Original subtitles

flash cars, and Nanny Pat's sausage plait,

but while the tans you see might be fake,

the people are all real.

Although some of what they do

has been set up purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is Essex,

- I will never stop being jealous.

- Well then you don't have a girlfriend

then are you?

- [Julian] This is on the table for you.

It includes releasing a single.

We want to shoot a video.

You have twenty-four hours.

- It's me and you.

- We're out on the pull...Woo hoo!

- Yay!

- I'm doing a boxing event. I've got to find a fight.

- [Kirk] No honestly mate.

- [Mark] May the best man win?

- [Do you reckon we'll get back together?

- I'd love that.

- It's really hard to trust you, it really is.

- I'm not going to see anybody behind your back.

- [Nanny Pat] Then you can't have two.

- [Mark] Woke up and heard the fire brigade and its on fire.

- It's gutting isn't it?

[energetic techno music]

[deep bass music]

- Perfect. Right babe?

- Brilliant. I feel like a sticky orange.

- I actually can't wait for the Indian night.

- No it'll be so good.

- So funny. I can't wait though.

Mom's gonna be there.

- It'll be a good night.

- You see that's why I'd love to go to India,

but I think I'd struggle with the food,

because I hate Indian food.

- You see that's where we're different ain't we?

Because I love Indian food, but you like Chinese food.

Is it hot in India?

- Is it hot in India? It is very hot in India.

But Harry, don't worry, me and you are so blond because I,

the other day, I didn't even know the capital of India,

I thought it was Pakistan.

- [laughs]

- What is the capital of India? What do you think?

It's not France.

- Persia?

- Is that a made-up country?

- I don't know, is it?

- Seriously on my life, people would laugh at me but I

haven't got a clue about geography.

- Me neither Am.

- The best thing to polish glass with,

is vinegar and water.

- Yeah?

- [Nanny Pat] You just spray over glass then get a dry cloth

and wipe it over like that and it comes up lovely.

- Water and vinegar?

- Water and vinegar.

- [Mark] All right? Hi Nan.

- [Nanny Pat] Hello boy all right.

- How's it all going?

- Yeah, all right.

- How are you?

- Tired.

- [Jessica] Does it look a bit better over there?

- Yeah, a little bit, I'm just leaving it to

all the builders now.

I can't bother to get involved, it's too stressful.

What's happening anyway?

- Well, god um, you know the bar opening where we performed?

- Mhm. Not bad news, please.

- We had a meeting didn't we with that Julian guy.

Basically Julian said to us that he's got a lot of stuff

lined up for us and we've got 24 hours to decide whether

we want them to be our management.

- Alright.

- And we've basically decided that we are going to have them

as our management.

- They good?

- Yeah, really good.

- What have they offered you?

- Well, we're doing our music video this weekend.

- For that song?

- For that song, and we're releasing that song in two

weeks' time; we're gonna be going to premieres, red

carpet events, we're going to be doing all this

in the next two weeks... - [Nanny Pat] How lovely.

- to promote our new song, its gonna be out in

two weeks' time.

- Oh I'm pleased anyhow Jess.

- Thanks Nan. Thank you.

- That's really good. I'd love to come away with you.

On tour.

- Yeah?

- Yeah definitely.

- You can be our on road chef.

- Yeah see, I could help you all out. I could cook all

the meals for you.

- Sausage plait everyday, that'll do me fine.

[lighthearted guitar music]

- So this is the farm.

- Wow.

- So we're gonna feed some horses.

- Oh my god.

- We've got horses here.

- Wow.

- Let's feed this one here.

- Who's this?

- This is George.

- Hey George! Wow.

- You want to feed him?

- Oh my god. You're amazing. What do I do?

- Just keep your fingers away from him.

Just put the carrot in and then take the carrot away.

It's making me think, do I want Amy as a girlfriend yet?

Do you know what I mean because...

- Do you think she's too much of a wild child for you?

- No, I don't think she is, I think it's the attention thing

She comes across as a nice girl but she aint.

She makes out to her mates like oh I've text Kirk

to sort it out, she never texts me.

I think it would be best if we have a breather you know,

because the whole situation is getting me right down.

- Well do you want to come out for a drink tonight?

- Tonight I can't, I've actually got a bit of a business

meeting, getting a new DJ, girl DJ.

- Oh really?

- Lauren Pope. She's an international DJ.

Oh wait, check her out. I've got a cheeky picture

off the internet.

- Let me see. God she's got a pair of boobies on her.

- I didn't notice, is she? - Oh stop it.

- But no, I'm going to see if she wants to DJ in Sugar Hut.

I've literally briefly spoke to her on the phone.

- So would this be business or pleasure?

- Oh no, business for me.

[upbeat techno music]

- So I'd like a facial, something that's good for

the wrinkles, the open pores, something that's relaxing

and soothing, what do you think?

- Okay yeah, no that's fine. We'll just put it on now.

Just get the doggy facial.

- Lovely.

- I'll just put some on my hand.

- [Amy] I think it's so good for them to have a nice facial.

- [Lara] It's perfect. - [Sam] Do they enjoy it?

- [Lara] They love it.

- So are yous two coming to the Indian night?

- Yeah - Of course we are.

- I can't wait.

- But we've got to wear a sari as well.

- Oh wicked.

- That would be so funny, we'll get some costumes won't we?

- So I'm going to wear a nice sari, something really

over the top because it's really glitzy, isn't it?

- I'm going to go a bit over the top.

I think, Harry, you should wear nothing but a bindi spot.

- Oh shut up.

[laughs]

- Go on.

- And that little sash across here.

- [Harry] How funny.

- How funny would that be?

- Well girls, welcome to the Cast You offices,

I guess you've made a decision about joining our

management company, am I correct?

[All] Yes.

- Right. Robbie was watching you closely on stage

the other day, and was a little bit concerned about you

as a band, at the moment.

That we don't quite think you're there. Connected.

As you know in this industry, no one is dead cert

in their career.

Everybody's replaceable, there's always somebody out there.

You need to help each other out if you want to stay together

as a band, you need to work together as a band.

So ladies, the single releases Sunday and your charts...

- You will be working very hard.

- [Jessica] We're releasing the single in a week's time?

- That is quick.

- [Julian] On that note, I'd also like to welcome you

to the family.

There you go my gorgeous girls, Amber and Lauren.

Right, ladies. Here is to Lola, getting a top ten hit.

[All] [cheering]

- One to one readings here everyday.

- [Amy] What does that say?

- [Sam] Physics, with resident physics Pat Pryde and...

- Oh psychics, not physics. Babe I wanna go and see one.

- Imagine if they just knew loads of stuff about us.

- They do though, they read your palms.

- They might go like oh when you're old, you're gonna

be fat and ugly and...

- Or like get the crystal ball out and start seeing things

in the ball.

- That'll be so funny, won't it?

- Let's book it yeah.

- Definitely.

- Have you heard about the news Lola have got?

- No.

- They got this new management company.

- Well aren't you supposed to be their manager?

- Yeah, I'm a bit disappointed I got binned off, no

- You did, you've been sacked by [laughs] Lola,

your bar's been burnt down, and you've got ag from Lucy,

Lauren, and Sam. It'll work out in the end though.

- Why don't you just put me down a bit more?

Just remind me of it once more.

- It's usually you putting me down.

- You plum.

- No, you'll be fine. Tell me more about Lucy. What's she...

- Nothing, she's just... - Did you sort things out?

- Well I just honestly don't know, my head is literally

spinning around in circles. - All over the place.

- Just moving into it a bit too fast.

I just wanna take it slow.

- Well I reckon as soon as the bar's up and running

and whatever, and you sort things out with Lucy and the

boxing's all finished, I reckon we could go on holiday.

- That's another thing, the boxing you know.

- How are you gonna train for the boxing, run a bar,

see three girls at once?

- I'm not seeing three girls at once.

- I'm joking. See Lucy. I don't know how you're gonna do it.

How are you gonna fit it all in?

- Oh mate, I don't know. Something will come, I don't know.

- Did I tell you I had a chat to Lydia at the

Halloween party?

- I saw you talking, but I forgot to ask you.

I was too busy to come over.

- Yeah, it seems a bit more positive but I don't wanna

get my hopes up just yet.

I reckon there's a chance Mark.

- [Pat] You just can't make your mind up about this at all.

You don't know if this is the guy you want to be with,

or you'd like to be with, there's a lot of jealousy

coming up here and you're getting to a stage where

you don't know whether to trust or not trust.

And I definitely have got you with a footballer and I know

that sounds really silly, because everyone thinks Essex

girls are wags with the footballers, but I've got a West

Ham player. You know like Bex saw Victoria on the television

and he said that's the girl I'm gonna marry?

I think that this is happening to you, I think that somebody

is saying you know, god she's gorgeous that girl,

I'd really like to meet her. You know, is there anything

you'd like to ask me?

- When will I get married and wheen will I meet

this footballer?

- [laughs]

[lighthearted rock music]

- All right, nice bridge right, definitely.

Is he the same weight as you?

- Yeah, same weight but he fancies himself.

- Oh good. - Good?

- He's gotta be fit to take your punches I'm telling you.

- Well obviously you being here, especially you being

in the corner can't lose with you in there.

- Let's see what you're made of.

- Try and have a lot of hip hop.

- Yeah.

- Mmm like big time.

- See I would like to put hip hop in Sugar Hut on a Saturday

night, but I don't...

- You can mix it in like with House, it's not like proper

like gangster hip hop, it's like commercial hip hop.

- Yeah, give me your CD and I can listen to it and I'll

put you in there. - I will.

- I just want to throw you in but I've heard you're

pretty good so it should be good.

- I'll do it, if you get me and Maria to do it together.

- I'd love to see you two do it together.

- Yeah I bet you would. - I really would.

- Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?

- I used to prefer brunettes, but you walked in and I'm

liking you a lot to be honest, you're doing it for me

at the moment.

- What's going on with you and Amy though?

- We was getting on pretty good but literally it's

not working. - Why?

- Just you know she's too high maintenance, she really is.

I mean, she ain't for me.

- Well you seem pretty easy going.

- I am but she aint.

I feel like I have to keep impressing her.

You know I think if I have to keep impressing someone

there's no point, do you know what I mean, carrying it on.

Anyway I'm going to talk to her, I think I'm going out,

we've got her brother singing and everyone's been invited

so I'm just going to tell her then that it's not working.

- So you're not officially single yet?

- Why? Do you want me to be single?

- Do you ever let a girl take you on a date?

- I'd not let you pay for nothing but I'd let you choose it

you know.

I'd be up for that, as long as I get to have a date

with you. We'll do whatever.

- Hello, how are you? - Hello!

- Good, what are you doing? - Just having a drink.

- It's well awkward now, isn't it?

- We'll leave you to it then. - See you soon.

- It's making me feel bad. - Busted.

- I've done nothing wrong have I?

- I dunno.

- I feel like a little schoolboy again.

- Do you think she'll go back and report you?

- Answer phone. Hi Amy, it's me Sam.

I've got something really, really important to tell you,

but I need to tell you face to face.

Okay love you lots, bye.

[bouncy music]

- Lovely to see you all. Thanks for coming tonight.

Enjoy yourselves, come on.

[applause]

[applause]

- Oh my god, I've got something to tell you and it's

not good. - Shut up.

- I was in King Will and Kirk was in there with Lauren

Pope.

- Shut up.

- I'm not joking.

You see I don't want to upset you, but I walked in there

and they was like all right.

- It might be totally different though Sam.

It might be just a business meeting, you've probably...

- It didn't look like a business meeting to me, do you

know what I mean?

- I'm speechless. - So awkward.

- Fucking idiot.

- [grunting] You all right Luc? How are you?

- Good you. - Surprised to see you here.

You all right yeah?

- Yeah yeah good.

Just been thinking about you, I don't know what's going on.

I haven't spoke to you, I've been worried about you.

- I'm trying my best you know but it's hard to come and

see you and spend time with you wheen I've been at the bar.

- I can't mean that much to you Mark if you can't even take

time out, ten minutes to come and see me, drive down and

have a chat with me.

- But the thing is I've not had ten minutes.

- You've gotta promise me Lauren's a hundred percent

out of the picture.

- What do you mean by a hundred percent?

- Just a hundred percent, there's no going back, no way.

- No if I was going to go back I'd be back now.

You know, that's not my plan to go back to Lauren, I'm

seeing you because I like you. Yeah? All right.

So I'll get on with the rest of this and I'll give

you a call after. - Okay.

- All right, I'll see you later.

- [Lucy] See you later Mark.

- How you doing mate? All right.

- Kirk's here.

- Oh fucking hell.

- Should I go talk to him?

- Go on quickly.

- Hello, how are you doing, you all right?

- Good, you? - Good.

- I told Amy that I saw you with Lauren.

- What did she say?

- I just think she's really upset, I just think that

because you didn't mention anything to her did you?

- I only got her there because she's gonna DJ at Sugar Hut.

- But was that what it was for?

- Yeah, that was what its for.

- Are you seeing her?

- No, you know what, I'm gonna take her out.

- You gonna take her out?

- Yeah but I've come to sort of talk to Amy.

- Did you miss me?

- Really really missed you. I thought about it a lot.

I thought we should give it another try.

I really want to give it another try.

- [James] Promise? - Promise.

So are you gonna take me back?

- Yeah, are you gonna take me back?

I always knew that, that you were the one. I do love you Lyd

- I love you too.

- He said it was a business meeting, he's asking,

he's gonna take her out.

- He is.

- Are you gonna talk to him? I think you should

hear it from him.

- All right. - You all right?

- Look first, I think you've totally been out of order.

- Yeah.

- I think you didn't even tell me that you was going.

- Let me stop you before that, I know obviously what people

have said but the whole thing with me and Lauren was just

to book her at the club.

- Sam just said that you're gonna take her out.

- Yeah.

- Why didn't you tell me first?

- But listen, this is what it is, I want her to DJ in my

club, we had a meeting to see what music she plays and

stuff like that, and where I can fit her in the club.

Got on a little bit, asked her out for a drink.

Sam walks in, I don't have to justify myself and ring

you up to say oh I'm just having a business meeting with

some girl and your mates walked in.

Everyone know what you say.

- So listen you can now go with your girlfriend, that's

absolutely fine, you just leave me alone.

- I haven't got a girlfriend.

- You're obviously seeing someone, just leave me alone,

don't ever talk to me again.

- I'm not seeing anyone either.

- And when I'm out talking to people don't start giving it

to me, because it's... - What do you mean,

give it to you? Who's giving it now? You're giving it now.

- Don't you think that I'm upset, do you not think I'm

upset Kirk? - Do you not think I'm upset?

I've been trying to work it out and it ain't working out.

- When did you tell me this then?

- We argue all the time Amy, you know we argue all the time

Amy, we constantly argue, you can't see me standing next to

someone and I can't see you standing next to someone,

so it ain't gonna work.

- Why didn't you ring me up and say, look Amy it's not

working out.

You have not sat down with me Kirk and said to me this

is not working out, this is this.

You have not said to me once, I said to you all along, where

do I stand with you, you went, oh lets just see how it goes,

lets go on a few...

- Yeah because that's what we've done, we've seen

how it goes. - Yeah? Yeah?

I will not talk to you ever again; I think that you are

just a bit out of order. I think you should have told

me first.

- What am I doing?

You know what, see I'm trying to be civil; I'm trying

to be friends with you.

... but if you really wanna say hello and walk away.

- At the end of the day how can you be civil with someone

that you been with that you really care about?

- I do care about you still, there's no feelings that have

changed, I care about you a lot, I like you a lot, but we

argue too much.

- But how can you be ready as a person to take someone

else out, if you care about someone, that's a load of

rubbish, Kirk.

- Amy, I've cared about you for years.

- Yeah well then that's fine. I've got nothing; I've got

actually nothing else to say to you.

- Can I have a kiss? - No.

- Oh nice. Right, see you later.

- Yeah this is well and truly over.

I'm just glad now that I know what's happened between us.

I am a bit upset though.

- Don't be, you'll be fine.

- You all right? What's happened, what's all this arguing?

- Yeah oh.

- At the end of the day Kirk as led me on, I do actually

think he's led me on. He's took me out, you know he's

kissed me, he's said he wants to do this with me, I'm so

glad now that he can say that he's taking someone else out

so that I can be dedicated to someone else, someone that

wants to be with me and only me, not someone that wants

to be. - You can move on now.

- He's very jealous of you, he owns a nightclub,

he's always busy, you know you're young.

- I just want someone to like be normal and to make me laugh

you know, but at the end of the day look I'm just not over

Kirk yet.

I don't even wanna actually look at anyone else at

the minute.

- You're just angry aren't you?

- At the minute I'm just angry, I'm sitting here angry and

I just wanna go home.

- We'll just go out and have a good time.

- Don't get upset.

- It makes me want to cry, but I'm not gonna cry, because

I'm a strong person

- You're a strong beautiful woman.

- I've got to get out there and just like, meet

someone else Sam.

- What's happening Arg?

- What's happening mate, what time do you call this?

- I've been busy mate. What's been happening?

- I don't know but I think we've sorted things out; we're

sort of back together now.

- Really? - Yeah so...

- Congratulations boy.

- Cheers mate. And how did the boxing training go?

Feeling fit?

- Yeah I'm feeling fit.

- Sparred well?

- Yeah, sparred well. Feeling confident to do Kirk yeah?

- Yeah definitely.

- Gonna smash him to pieces?

- [laughs] Lucy came into the gym.

- While you were training?

- Just like to speak to me saying like, why have you have

no time to see me blah blah blah, and I just said look,

its not a personal thing, just because I've been ultra

busy, I do like her but my head's messed up at the moment.

You know? It's just, I don't wanna move too fast. You know.

I've just come out of a long relationship, I just want

people to get off my back a bit.

- It's just nonstop ag at the moment, ain't it?

- [scoffs] Nonstop mate, nonstop.

- All right Am?

- You all right Mark.

- You all right, how you doing?

- I'm good thanks.

- What's happening?

- I've had a bit of a rubbish night.

- Why, what's the matter?

- I found out that Kirk is like seeing Lauren and then

taking her out on a date.

- Lauren who? - Pope.

- Oh right.

- You know her?

- Yeah yeah yeah because I'm having girl troubles as well.

- Do you want to be with Lucy?

- I like her; I just don't want to rush into nothing.

I might join Harry. Less ag aint it Haz?

- Let's join Harry's group. It's not good is it?

I think we should just all be single and have a laugh.

- Has it proper hurt you, kind of thing?

- Yeah course it has, but I'm gonna get on with it now,

I know where I stand with him, I'm just gonna move on.

- Yeah. That's what you've got to do, just keep your head

down and forget about it.

- Yeah. What are we like? Bunch of weirdos.

[Narrator] Next time, will sparks fly between Mark and Lucy?

Will Lola's career take off like a rocket?

- [All] Cheers.

- [Narrator] And who'll enjoy Nanny Pat's tasty toffee

apples?

Who knows? They're real people and anything can happen on

The Only Way is Essex.