Original subtitles

flash cars and Nanny Pat's sausage plait.

But while the tans you see might be fake,

the people are all real although

some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way is Essex."

- Shut up!

- I mean, you've always wanted your own bar.

- Always.

- Did you dance with me?

- You danced with other geezers.

- He's just so jel at the minute.

- Everyone's getting jel.

- This is professional.

What's going on between you and Mark?

- I don't really care about him.

- Are you joking?

- Never have I once said I'm gonna get back with you.

- Are you actually lying to yourself or to me?

- Can you see my knickers?

- Yeah!

- [Mark] I tell you what, you are looking hot.

- Mark, fuck off.

[Mark laughs]

I am not wearing this fucking outfit.

Yeah, I ain't wearing it.

- Why not?

- 'Cause I ain't wearing it.

- Listen, you know you gonna be

centre of attention everyone's gonna

- Mark! I'm not going to an opening of bar,

Halloween dressed as fucking Cinderella.

- You're not trying to say you're

trying to dress up like Cinderella,

you're the bride of Dracula.

You will pull all the birds wearing that, I promise you.

- The only fucking person I'll pull is Harry.

[Mark Laughs]

- No, they'll all be going [laughs]

no, they'll all be going, "this looks sick,"

'cause you've actually made an effort.

Boys who don't care about their appearance

and try and make an effort, that's what people

would know.

- I ain't wearing this just to keep you happy.

- All I need you to do is one favour

and, you know, dress up like that.

- How are you gonna get these finished in time?

- Dunno, mate.

[James chuckles]

- It's opening in a couple of days.

- Lola are performing,

I've asked Lydia if she can work for me

'cause I'm short of bar staff this week.

Is that alright, yeah?

- Yeah.

- [Mark] Yeah?

- Yeah, if you really need her

- It's gonna be fine,

I bet Lauren turns up as well.

- What about Lucy?

- I want Lauren and Lucy to be able to get on.

- Mark, I ain't wearing this.

- You're such a pussy!

- And just keep your mouth nice and relaxed.

That chin up, good.

Now turn towards me a little bit,

chin up a little bit, good.

And just keep all the shoulders relaxed.

Good.

Yeah, perfect!

- Amy, you look so beautiful

- You look lovely.

I love your makeup like that.

- Do you?

- Yeah, do you like it?

- [Amy] Yeah

- I do like it.

- I'd never had it though.

- I think it's 'cause you've not got the fake lashes on

and your eyebrows are defined.

- Harry, would you like to do it

- What modelling?

- Cover your boobs.

- A naked shoot covering down below.

- Oh, no.

- I think you'd do so well at that, don't you think?

- What, standing there like that?

- That is you, Harry.

- On the front cover of "Men's Health."

- Or "Gay Times."

- I bet they'd love that.

- They would!

- They would, I just think

you need to put a bit of weight on.

- Definitely.

- What are you up to later?

- I need to talk to Kirk really.

- Really? Where are you gonna go?

- Just have a bit of dinner.

I just need to talk to him.

I don't know where we are, what's happening between us.

- Where you stand.

- I don't know where I stand with him.

- To be honest, what I think

Kirk's looking for is closure from you.

I think he wants you to turn around and

- What's closure mean?

- He wants to be finalised.

He wants to know, I think he wants

to hear from your mouth, "I want to be with you."

- And only him. That's what I wanna do.

- At the end of the day you know you've got us,

you know what I mean, so

- I can't snog youse two, can I?

- Oh, shut up!

- She probably doesn't realise

that she's doing any harm, She's just dancing!

Listen, Kirk, she's dancing with someone.

And, she's got to accept it if a girl comes up to you.

It can't be

- But she wouldn't.

- Yeah, but it can't be all your way.

You've got to talk to her about it.

- Yeah, I did.

- Listen to me, just trust her.

- You're having a go at me, I did until that night.

I still trust her in a way,

but it hurt me, that night.

- Just calm your jealousy down.

- I'm never gonna apologise for being jealous

'cause I think it proves that I care.

- Jealousy, Kirk, can break a relationship up as well.

[phone rings]

- Hello.

- Hi, Sam.

- Hello.

- How are you doing?

- I'm fine, thanks, you?

- What have you been up to?

- I'm just with Amy,

she's on like a test shoot for an agency.

- Oh good, so I can kill two birds with one stone.

Obviously you know, I'm opening my bar this week,

and, you know, I really want you to be a part of it

and come and work for me.

- Why are you asking me to work for you?

Why can't you just ask Lucy or Lauren to work for you?

- You know you're gonna do it,

so why are you even saying no?

- What?

- Let's just quit the arguing.

- It's a big Halloween night as well,

so obviously fancy dress.

- Yeah, but I wanna actually go to the night,

I don't actually want to work on it.

- So you are supporting me,

you wanna be on my night,

'cause you know it's gonna be the best.

- No, oh come on.

That's where everyone's going,

it's not 'cause you're there, you idiot.

- I need obviously you and Amy

to work if that's alright.

But, just let me know obviously

when you have a chance, yeah?

- Will we get free drinks all night?

- 'Course you will.

- Well, I'm gonna think about it, I'm not gonna say yes,

I need to speak to Amy about it first.

- I'll take that as a yes.

Alright, bye, speak to you later.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Who was that?

- Mark.

- What happened?

- She gonna do it?

- She's saying,

"I'll talk to Amy and I'll let you know."

- Trying to play hard to get.

- She's doing it like 100%

- Good, so that's sorted.

What else have we got to do?

- Got a paintbrush?

[James chuckles]

- I'll only do it if you do it with me,

I ain't doing it on my own.

- How much is he giving us?

- He's like, "Oh, well, we can confirm that."

- Oh whatever.

- And I was like, free drinks and wine

and he was like, "Yeah, cool."

- What, 20 quid then?

- Yeah, exactly [laughs]

- And then he'll forget to pay us

at the end of the night, don't think so.

- I am definitely not doing it on my own.

- Honey, I've got Kirk, I've gotta talk to him.

- Oh no, can't you do the Kirk thing another night?

- I'll meet you after.

- And then I said,

"I'll let you know,"

he said,

"I'll take that as a yes then."

- Oh, whatever, get over me.

- [laughs] Get over me!

- I used to have this diary

and I used to write at the bottom of

every single entry every day,

"Please, God, let me be a a pop star,"

like everyday, and if it happens

it'd just be like the biggest,

happiest thing in the whole world.

- We'll be screaming, I can't wait.

- My dreams

- What's the next thing you're doing

- We're singing at Mark's bar opening.

Are you gonna come?

- Don't know.

- Hard isn't it?

- Is he still managing you?

- I don't know, it's not really been going very well

and this stylist's got a team who

he wants to manage us and it sounds wicked.

Like at the minute it's literally

make or break for Lola, so it needs to be sorted out now.

- Alright, Nan?

- Hello Mark, alright?

- How're you doing?

- Alright, thanks.

Doing your ironing as usual [laughs]

- I need as much done for me as I can.

I'm so stressed.

- Yeah, I bet you are.

- Where you been?

- Down the bar, yeah

- You seen anything of Lauren?

- I was speaking to her the other night

and she was just telling me, you know,

she wants to move on and that's it now,

blah, blah, blah, you know,

I've gotta let her move on.

I'm moving on myself, I'm seeing someone else.

But just to hear Lauren actually say,

"That's it, I'm moving on."

You know, to hear them words is so hard.

If I'm still in a pickle about letting her go,

and I'm still worried about letting her go

I still do think about her, does that not mean

I still love her?

- It's time I think the two of you

should split up and, you know, if that's what you want.

You've got a nice girlfriend,

let her find someone else.

- Also, I don't want Lucy to be in the middle of it.

'Cause I like Lucy, she's a nice girl

and she's good looking and I do like her.

- If you let her go, I mean, you might not

get another one like her.

- No, I'm not gonna let Lucy go.

- But then you can't have two.

[theme music plays]

[atmospheric music plays]

- How are you?

- How are you?

- I'm well, how are you?

- Thank you

[upbeat music plays]

- You alright, babe?

- What are you doing?

[Amy laughs]

- So, I'm going to Mark's night tonight.

Do you think I look all right?

- For a fancy dress party yeah.

[Amy laughs]

But this is supposed to be a meal

sorting things out and you turn up like a witch.

- Do you forgive me now? Are you normal with me?

Not getting jel no more?

- No, you know what,

I'm sorry for the way I come across but not for the reasons.

And you know I'm a jealous person

- Arg is my friend.

- But it's not that, he's not

the only person that you danced with that night.

- Well then you should have a proper ugly girlfriend,

someone who just don't care about themselves

- It's not even that

- You can't have a relationship then, can you now?

- I brung my mum up to see ya.

I brung her all the way up the party to introduce her to ya

- I've spoken to your mum, she went to me,

yeah, "Kirk's just really sensitive."

- I am, so you should understand that.

I'm insecure with myself as it is, you know...

- Why would you be insecure with yourself though Kirk?

I aint, I aint had a life that yous have had,

you know I grew up with a completely different life,

you know I'm not used to all this.

- But that doesn't mean that you can be jealous.

- No I am, that's how I come across you know,

I will never stop being jealous, never,

and it is a bad thing, but I've never been able to do it,

I've been like it since I was a kid.

- Well then you're not going to have a girlfriend are you?

- Hello.

- How you doing?

- Good thank you, your make up looks good.

- How you getting on?

- Not bad.

- You look nice.

- Thanks.

- Good outfit.

- Before I carry on working and before if I wanna work

for you again I just want to get a few things off my chest.

- Go on.

- And the, the fact that I am quite pissed off with you now.

- Right.

Not because I'm jealous

and not I don't want you to be together,

its just like I'm just being human, it's just how I feel.

If you want me and you to be friends,

then I'm fine being friends,

then stop the texting and then when we're together,

don't like give mixed signals

and try and kiss me and cuddle me

- All right.

- Well I'm still you know...

- Well do you know what I mean?

- I'm still friendly with you, you know.

- Yeah but that's it, that's what I'm saying,

so do you want to be my friend or is it more than friends,

because you, when we're together, you can't help yourself.

- No I appreciate that.

I am sorry that you do feel a bit hurt about things,

because obviously I didn't mean it for that.

- You all right, you all right Sam. How are you?

- Good thank you.

- Mark.

- How are you doing?

- Yeah good thank you.

- Anyway I've got to go so if you need anything

let me know yeah, Luc I'll see you in a minute babe.

- I'll see you in a minute.

- What were you guys talking about then?

- I was just saying to him like,

I know that you and Lucy are together now, and I said that,

and I feel like I can't have a go at you or Lucy,

because me and you were never a thing, I said,

but two weeks ago, you was still seeing Lucy,

don't text me.

- Was this when we were seeing each other then?

- I don't know because neither of you told me

you were seeing each other, do you know what I mean,

so that's how.

- Yeah.

- That's why I don't know what I am saying,

I said to him, well this has got to stop then.

- So would you say, would you say tonight,

would you say tonight he's come up and flirted with you?

- No because I've been working on the door.

- What do you think he would have done

if I wasn't here tonight?

- I really don't know, I...

- Hi ladies.

- Hello.

- We have some important people here this evening.

Universal really like, but what they want you to do now is

to come to a decent management company.

What we can offer you is this,

ok it includes releasing a single,

and getting into the top ten, if not top five in two weeks.

- What in two weeks.

- We are gonna take you on a full PR week,

red carpets, premiers, chat shows,

singing your song, performing, all of next week.

We want to shoot a video.

[Jessica screams]

- I'm gonna cry.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God.

- But you have 24 hours to make a decision.

Now I know Mark's your brother,

and I love him and I will marry him one day

but it's ultimatum time kids.

This is on the table for you, you have 24 hours.

- I've never been given such an amazing opportunity.

- You deserve it girls, you deserve it.

- Thank you.

[Jessica screams]

- Oh look at you.

- All right babe.

- Yeah you, hi Kirk.

- Hello, you look nice.

I will let yous have a chat,

I'm gonna have a little look around

- All right then. See you in a bit.

- I see you in a bit all right.

- See you in a bit Kirk.

- Honey you look gorgeous.

- So do you, love the outfit.

- How was the door today, I'm so sorry babe,

I literally was with Kirk

and I really was like regretting it.

- You let me down.

- I'm so sorry.

- You let me down.

No do you know what its fine,

but then like I had to talk to Mark, he was like how's it

all going and that was my only, that was my only like,

agghh, and then when I was talking to Mark Lucy walked over,

and I just think that if there wasn't Lauren there

or wasn't Lucy there,

maybe there could be something with me and him but its not.

- No.

- And it never will be because of that.

- At the end of the day Sam,

you both are so attracted to each other.

- Yeah.

- But you're gonna change that do you know what I mean.

- I'll have to find myself someone new.

So then how did your date go with you and Kirk?

- Do you know what it started off quite bad

but we had such a laugh

we spoke, but let's see what happens.

- You love him.

- No.

- For the time being, fuck Kirk; fuck Mark, its me and you.

- We're out on the pull.

- To be honest with you Lucy I think

you've handled yourself gracefully

and I think you've gotta just ignore her now,

don't let it ruin what you two have got,

do you know what I mean?

- Ahhh thanks Arg.

- Listen to Date Doctor Argent.

He can't hold a relationship down himself.

[all laugh]

- Ah mate, oh are you all right though yeah?

- Actually yeah no I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Right I understand why you're a bit upset about

the fact that you know, I don't want you to feel like that,

and also I want to apologise you know for the other night,

you know Essex Fashion Week,

I never meant to walk down that aisle with her,

you know I was standing

- The aisle?

- Whatever it's called, you know the runway.

I was proud of her when she done that so you know

I don't mind walking down the catwalk, the runway with her.

All right so lets just forget about it,

lets move on forward, hopefully I've got Lauren's word.

She said, "I'm not going to cause no more arguments"

And we'll take it from there, yeah?

- So what do you really think about this bar then?

- You know what, you know the effort that he's put in

is good but I think it's a bit of a shithole,

it's like a big room, no honestly, the toilets are shit.

Honestly I went to wash my hands

I thought the sink was gonna fall off,

I really did, they're the old toilets still,

I swear they're

[upbeat music playing]

- What's happening Kirky.

- Hello mate, how you doing?

- Good mate, just getting, grabbing a drink,

do you want one?

- No I'm all right, I'll get you one, don't worry.

- Yeah.

- I didn't know you was coming.

- You know what I wanted to see the competition, you know,

you know I was killing myself, to come down,

but to be honest mate you've done some good work you know

but I spoke to Sam and I was pissed off that you took her

but she said that she's coming back to Sugar Hut

- Really.

- And I didn't ask her, I didn't ask her.

- That's all right I can replace her.

- But you know what I really think you've done good,

you know.

- Oh thanks Kirk, no listen I appreciate you coming along,

even though, even if it was for you know competition

- No to be honest, I think you've done good,

I think you've done good.

- I've got a option for ya.

- What's that?

- I've got a boxing event

- Yeah.

- In about a week or two.

And I've got to find a fight,

someone my sort of size my sort of weight.

- Oh mate.

- And I think you know, what do you reckon?

- I've sort of done the old fighting stuff and that before,

I used to be a kick-boxer.

- Well if you used to fight I've got a bit of a challenge

under my belt.

You know what sod it, who ever wins, wins.

No honestly, the best man wins you know what I mean.

- No honestly mate, good luck with the bar mate,

honestly you know.

Its all good mate, all the best.

- Yeah thanks a lot.

- Now where's my drink?

- Well to boxing, to Mark and Kirk.

- Cheers.

[atmospheric music]

That's a drink, that is ain't it.

[music plays]

- Bloody hell, about time.

- You've done really well.

- Launched my bar what you know I've always wanted,

I was there to support you the other night

'cause I know that you've always wanted that

and you're not even here, what's all that about?

- I am here, I'm sorry but I just,

I went for dinner, but I've got to go now,

so I'm going to go out in a minute

but I thought I would pop in and say hi.

- Well at least you've made the effort.

What do you reckon of the bar anyway?

- No it looks really good.

Really nice, Successful?

- Yeah, tired.

- What are you dressed as?

- Dracula.

- You don't look it!

I was expecting a long cloak.

- Yeah obviously that was on.

- And then, the white face.

Have you got a bruise?

No it's face paint, someone painted me earlier.

- I just popped in, I've gotta go now anyway.

- Yeah well, see you later on, yeah?

See you later.

[atmospheric music]

- You all right Lyds?

- How are you?

- So did you enjoy the other night?

- I did until I saw you.

- But, no, that's all right, its my fault

- I didn't mean to be horrible I was just really angry

but I was thinking about it

and obviously since I've been home

it's really difficult and I'm like sitting at home by myself

and I just want to call you and be like,

"Oh Arg come around."

- Why don't you call me then?

- Because I don't want to be one of those girls

that just takes a boy back even though they cheat on you.

- I know but I'm... I'm not a cheater,

I've honestly never done it to you before

and I would never ever do it again.

- I know, I don't believe you did.

- You don't?

- I'm sorry but I've really missed you.

- Obviously I've missed you so much,

you know that don't ya?

- Oh yeah.

- Yeah course I have, I don't know I just,

I just hope like maybe

you will give me a chance,

maybe I can take you out like

and see how it goes from there.

- I'd love that.

- Honestly?

- I'd absolutely love it.

- So do you reckon we'll get back together?

- I hope so.

[music plays]

- What's wrong?

- Are you joking?

You've got lipstick all over your cheek

- Well that's from kissing a thousand girls hello.

- Anyway, I don't get what you spoke about,

I don't really care to be honest

- I can tell you right now, I've got nothing to hide.

- No, no.

- I'll tell you right now.

- But you, you've sorted everything out,

you've had a couple of chats with her at the fashion show

but yet you still feel the need to go

and have a chat with her right in front of me.

- I was at the bar and she came up to me and said,

"Hello, sorry I'm late, well done with what you've done,

it looks lovely."

I've not done nothing wrong.

I spoke to Lauren yeah, she's my ex girlfriend,

She knows that

- Yeah but the thing is, the thing is Mark,

I know this and I know you've been together for a long time

and you're gonna talk to her and see her when you're out

but its just not on.

- Hang on a minute, hang on a minute.

- It just mugs me off, I'm sitting with my friends

no no, I'm sitting with my friends

and you're there chatting to her right in front of me,

don't come to see me afterwards.

- To be fair, you say we keep having talks,

we've had two talks in months,

right the two talks are this,

me congratulating her on her new job...

- Well what was that about?

- Let me finish, let me finish.

- Her saying a couple of weeks ago

that you stayed round her flat or

- If she said that, I haven't heard her say that.

- She said it to you, you never, you never,

you never said no when she said it to you.

- Stayed round her flat,

she moved out of her flat three months ago.

I've only been seeing you for three weeks, four weeks.

- It's really hard to trust you, it really is.

- Right well you've got my word,

I promise you now I am not gonna see anybody

behind your back.

You're too good for that

- Okay, well, we've just gotta to draw a line...

- Of you and her talking all the time

- Fair enough.

- I can't sit there and watch it anymore.

- Okay, and I'm happy to do that.

Take my word for it?

- Promise?

- Promise you.

- All right, all right.

[Lucy chuckles]

[atmospheric music]

[fire siren]

- Shit.

- Hi, mate.

- Bloody hell.

- Don't look good does it.

- No it don't look too good mate.

- It's only this part, the other, up there's fine.

- Literally just this area, yeah?

- Yeah. I can't believe it.

I just woke up and heard the fire brigade,

and its', it's on fire.

- It's gutting ain't it.

But you know what I mean, if you need any help,

if there's anything I can do, I'm here for ya,

you know what I mean Mark.

- Oh cheers mate.

Well let's go down and sit at the other part of the bar

because you know it ain't so depressing.

- Oh this is shocking though, ain't it?

- Yeah.

See at least as I say this bit over here

it's not so bad is it.

- No, it's all right.

- A little bit of dust on the ceiling but

- Anyway at least the fishes survived.

- Nemo's still there.

- Yeah [chuckles] and the old crystal frame.

- I will come back, and I will pick myself up,

because you know everything happens for a reason in life so

- At least just one little section

which can be sorted and you'll be ready to go next week.

- It was a very very bad Halloween for me.

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way is Essex."

Can Mark bounce back from his Halloween nightmare?

Has Amy finally given Kirk the brush-off?

And who stole Nanny Pat's cherry off the top of the trifle?

Who knows they're real people...

- I aint wearing this just to keep you happy.

- [Narrator] and anything can happen

on "The Only way is Essex."