All language subtitles for Futurama s10e07 Murderoni.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,760 [? upbeat theme music playing] 2 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:35,660 [glass shatters] 3 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,794 [? theme concludes] 4 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,706 ?? 5 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,210 Hold still, Dwight. 6 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,795 Who taught you how to tie a tie? 7 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,756 No one! That's the problem! 8 00:00:47,757 --> 00:00:49,006 [Dwight yelps, grunts] 9 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:53,094 I swear, that tie is longer than a steamrolled green snake! 10 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,345 Allow me. 11 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,266 [Zoidberg slurping] 12 00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,399 Yum. 13 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,854 It's Dwight's first day at the Young Bureaucrats Club. 14 00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,648 He's a real check off the old box. 15 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:06,782 [pincers snip] 16 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,610 [Zoidberg] [slurping] Yum again. 17 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:10,236 [? soft music playing] 18 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,781 [engine rumbling, brakes squealing] 19 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,074 [kiss smacks] 20 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,076 You have no idea how proud I am 21 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,496 that you want to follow in my compulsively even footsteps, son. 22 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,414 Eh, your fax made it pretty clear. 23 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,548 [door squeaking] 24 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,877 [? sneaky music playing] 25 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,010 [Dwight grunts] 26 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,379 [panting] 27 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,556 Bye-bye! 28 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,969 [? melancholy music playing] 29 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,137 [Hermes sniffles] 30 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,264 [softly sobbing] 31 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,398 [blows nose] 32 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:42,018 People! In honor of my son's first step 33 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,602 on the bureaucratic treadmill, 34 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,730 I'm takin' you all out for pizza. 35 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,607 [crew cheering] 36 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,484 One topping, no tippin'. 37 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:52,153 [? upbeat music playing] 38 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,239 Welcome, old friends! 39 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,324 We make-a you the nice table. 40 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,159 It's great. Very flat. 41 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,203 Wow. Business is booming. 42 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:04,707 Yes-a, everybody going a-mentally ill for our pepperoni. 43 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,710 It's-a so tender, you don't even gotta chew! 44 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,089 Oh, good! My battery was running low. 45 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,883 [teeth chattering, power winding down] 46 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,343 How y'all doin'? 47 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:18,012 Our server will be right-a with you. 48 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:21,850 [Hermes] Let's see... pepperoni, or pepperoni? 49 00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,725 [server] Would you like to hear today's special? 50 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:24,853 It's pepperoni. 51 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,896 [? dramatic sting] 52 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,774 -Hi. -Sweet coconut of the shogunate! 53 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,942 Why aren't you at the Young Bureaucrats Club?! 54 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,235 [? emotional music playing] 55 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,946 I'm sorry, Pops, but... 56 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,907 I don't want to be a bureaucrat. 57 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,701 I didn't know how to tell you. 58 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:42,078 Well, you found the worst possible way. 59 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,496 By tellin' me! 60 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,539 How will we break this to your poor mother? 61 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,800 Eh, she's known for years. 62 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,209 That's right, son. 63 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,962 Never let anyone tell you what to do. 64 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:54,299 And go and get us some refills on them Arnold Palmers, chop chop. 65 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,884 I like working here. 66 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,303 Blecch and Blazucchi are really nice bugs. 67 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:02,098 Dwight work-a real hard, even during the school hours. 68 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,975 -What?! -Don't worry, Hermes. 69 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,643 I used to work in a pizza parlor, 70 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,777 and I turned out. 71 00:03:06,778 --> 00:03:08,812 [? dramatic breaking news music playing on TVs] 72 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:12,025 We interrupt this pizza menu to bring you breaking news. 73 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,986 Billionaire fast-food magnate Fishy Joe Gilman 74 00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:17,988 has thrown his hat into the upcoming city council election, 75 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,115 District 97. 76 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,368 Stay tuned for our hard-hitting, unbiased report, 77 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,038 after this word from... Fishy Joe's. 78 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,497 It's fish-licking good! 79 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,917 [? fanciful upbeat music playing] 80 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,210 [fish chorus singing] ? Force a fish stick in your mouth ? 81 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,419 ? When you come to Fishy Joe's ? 82 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,755 ? Where the fish is never frozen and the 'frigerator broke ? 83 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:37,257 ? Well, they're yummy in your belly and they're greasy and they're smelly ? 84 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,592 ? And they're mostly made of batter ? 85 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:39,885 ? But they still have lots of bones ? 86 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,137 -[TV static] -Yecch. 87 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,056 I don't wanna hear-a Fishy Joe, 88 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,058 I don't wanna see-a Fishy Joe. 89 00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,476 Look! It's Fishy Joe! 90 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,609 [? dramatic sting] 91 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:48,895 [crowd cheering] 92 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:54,067 For too long, District 97 has been hostile to the international chain restaurants 93 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,902 that give this and every other neighborhood in the world 94 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,571 their unique local character. 95 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,533 I won't stand by as greedy mom-and-pop joints- 96 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,667 like that one- 97 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,329 serve better food at lower prices. 98 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,748 [crowd] Boo! 99 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,293 If elected, I pledge to impose a punitive tax 100 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,836 on these quaint eateries, 101 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,464 and funnel it to faceless big money interests. 102 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,758 [crowd cheering] 103 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,136 This year, make sure the election results are Fishy. 104 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,554 Vote Fishy Joe! 105 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,683 -[? dramatic music playing] -[crowd cheering] 106 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,352 Ooh, I hate-a his face. 107 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,062 I'd like to shove a fish stick 108 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:34,190 where the star of this-a solar system don't-a shine. 109 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,192 We can't-a pay-a new tax! 110 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,070 We struggle for years just to find-a pizza recipe 111 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,313 that doesn't make-a human metabolism say, 112 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,907 "Get it outta me!" 113 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,076 [Professor gumming pizza] Mm, mm! 114 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,619 The struggle paid off. 115 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,998 You have the tenderest pepperoni I've ever gummed. 116 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,750 This Fish-a Joe gonna ruin us. 117 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,211 I wish-a there was a better candidate 118 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,422 or literally any other candidate. 119 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,631 How about you? 120 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,675 You're literally any other candidate. 121 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:05,680 Me? A humble alien with legislative experience on her home planet, 122 00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,223 and a can-do spirit? 123 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,433 I can-a no do. 124 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:12,478 Oh, come on, that's not the Blazucchi I barely know. 125 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,063 I don't know you either. 126 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,356 I'll do it! 127 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,026 [? victorious music playing] 128 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,695 I promise to make-a good government 129 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,197 the same way I make-a good pizza, 130 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,033 with lots-a hard work, 131 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,618 and whatever kinda mushroom is-a the cheapest. 132 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,746 [crowd cheering] 133 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,500 [lines grunting] 134 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,337 [Linda] With the candidates running neck and thorax... 135 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,715 we welcome you to the first of 15 live debates 136 00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,467 between city council hopefuls 137 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,926 Fishy Joe Gilman, 138 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,678 Blazucchi Nolastname, 139 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,889 and latecomer Boxy Robot. 140 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,016 -[Boxy Robot beeps] -[Linda laughs] 141 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,768 You and me both. [chuckles] 142 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,103 Candidates, start your blathering. 143 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,855 Thank you, laughing lady. 144 00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:56,988 [Linda laughs] 145 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:01,486 My husband and I infested this-a district with a big dream, 146 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,738 to make-a the pepperoni pizzas. 147 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,365 And everybody love them! 148 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,450 [crowd cheering] 149 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,993 Now hang on, hang on. 150 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,204 Let's talk about your pepperoni. 151 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,081 It's-a very tender, yes? 152 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,958 Yes... suspiciously tender. 153 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,211 And you wanna know why it's so tender? 154 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,756 Many people are saying it's because it's made from... 155 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,883 human babies! 156 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,467 -[? dramatic sting] -[crowd gasps] 157 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,054 -[Boxy Robot beeps] -Don't try to defend her. 158 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,473 They're fattening up babies in the basement 159 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,433 and choppin' up the chubbiest ones 160 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,353 to make that sweet, innocent pepperoni! 161 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,820 People are saying. 162 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,773 -How many people? -A lot. 163 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,566 One of the biggest numbers. 164 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,026 This is-a crazy! 165 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,278 I don't even know how to hatch a baby! 166 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,865 Wow, Fishy Joe just sank his own campaign. 167 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,535 No one could believe such insane lies. 168 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,413 You'd have to be a gullible, deranged moron! 169 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:54,956 Yee-haw! 170 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,083 [crowd clamoring] 171 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,919 Let's go mob! Let's go mob! 172 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,504 Let's go mob! 173 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,089 How do ya like my mob? 174 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:07,259 -[? dramatic music playing] -[crowd clamoring] 175 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,469 [protester] Boo! 176 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,264 [over megaphone] We demand you show us the basement! 177 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,487 Here's your slice, sir. 178 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,894 Sir, you seem to be yelling the loudest. 179 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,063 Can you tell us why you're protesting? 180 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,232 First of all, I need the exercise. 181 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,402 But also, they're making babies into pepperoni! 182 00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:27,529 -[? ominous music playing] -Down in their basement slaughterhouse. 183 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,580 [Bender burps] 184 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,664 [slurping] 185 00:07:29,665 --> 00:07:31,867 -[door bells jingle] -We don't even a-have a basement! 186 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,119 Come in and a-look! 187 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,337 See? 188 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,665 No basement, no bathroom. 189 00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:40,168 Not even a ceiling in-a some places. 190 00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:41,626 -[water dripping] -[owls hooting] 191 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,421 You think you can cover up the truth 192 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,131 with a bunch of obvious facts? 193 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,633 Well, I got a mob who says otherwise! 194 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,635 [? dramatic music playing] 195 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,053 [Bender] Let's go mob! 196 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,890 How-a we gonna prove-a we don't got a basement? 197 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,602 We can't even prove we don't-a got a restaurant a-license! 198 00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,521 Easy! I'll just check the city building records. 199 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,315 Do that thing I said. 200 00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:05,526 -[? suspenseful music playing] -[wrist device beeping] 201 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,569 -[chimes] -[wrist device] File not found. 202 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,864 [emotional] I tried my best! 203 00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:13,618 Huh. This building must be too old to have its blueprints online. 204 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,453 Then we're a-ruined. 205 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,955 We'll have-a to go out-a from-a business. 206 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,089 [Dwight sighs] 207 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:22,376 Guess I'm doomed to join the Young Bureaucrats. 208 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,836 I won't let this happen! 209 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,837 I mean, I'll let the second part happen. 210 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,840 Yeah, right. What are you gonna do? 211 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,467 Stamp some stupid form? 212 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,803 Actually, son, we're going on a thrillin' adventure! 213 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,138 Which might involve a few forms being stamped. 214 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:36,189 [stamper cocking] 215 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:39,654 -[? adventurous music playing] -Let's get this party authorized! 216 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,725 [sign counter beeps] 217 00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:44,106 [people chattering] 218 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,025 [whooshing] 219 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,780 -[bell dings] -Now serving 18,307. 220 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,157 Finally, I can get my birth certificate! 221 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,284 Uh, I believe that's us. 222 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,707 [turnstile rattling] 223 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,461 -Now serving 18,308. -[bell dings] 224 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,963 [gasping, thuds] 225 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,425 [? somber music playing] 226 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,095 What's the holds-up with my pizza? 227 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,347 I'm-a sorry, we're a-short mandibled. 228 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,891 We lost our cheap child labor human. 229 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,643 I'm a cheap, childish human! 230 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,896 You haven't worked at a pizzeria in a thousand years. 231 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,606 It requires zero skill! 232 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,441 That's why I'm so good at it. 233 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:28,943 [pizza sizzling] 234 00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,737 [gasping] Hot! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! 235 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,031 You forgot-a the holding disc! 236 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,492 [gasps] My pants! 237 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,787 [crying] My beautiful pants! 238 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,247 So... wash 'em. 239 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,832 You think they'll be okay? 240 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,418 -I've never washed them before. -Ew! 241 00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:46,551 -Yuck! -Blecch! 242 00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:48,254 -Why not? -It's just... 243 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,673 I couldn't bear to part with them. 244 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,550 Not even for 45 minutes. 245 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:56,178 [sniffles] They're one of the only things I have left from my old life 246 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,888 before I got frozen. 247 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,265 Aww. 248 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,725 Wash your damn pants! 249 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,311 [washing machine rattling] 250 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,094 [spinner winding down] 251 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,446 [steam hissing] 252 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,441 There, see? 253 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,860 You're good to go for another thousand years. 254 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,285 [fabric crunching] 255 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,155 No! 256 00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:17,199 The stains was all there was! 257 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:21,287 [? epic music playing] 258 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,705 [scanner beeping] 259 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,039 [metal cubicles clanging] 260 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,334 [bureaucrats] Whoa! Whoa! 261 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,710 Whoa! 262 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,711 -[clanging continues] -[metal thuds] 263 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,338 [center-square bureaucrat] Who goes there? 264 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,633 And do you have any sea-sickness medicine? 265 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,176 [laughing] 266 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,927 Heck, I'd drink nail polish. 267 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,638 I am Hermes Conrad, 268 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,264 Bureaucrat Grade 37. 269 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,975 Oh, Hermes! My eyes must be goin'. 270 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,852 I thought you were Zsa Zsa Gabor. 271 00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:46,811 -[quietly] Who? -[quietly] I don't know. Just laugh. 272 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,522 [both fake laughing] 273 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,732 That wasn't a joke. 274 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:50,865 How can I help? 275 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,819 We're looking for some ancient city building plans, 276 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,405 from before the Great Digitization. 277 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,782 On paper?! 278 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,700 [thunder crashing] 279 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,162 Hmm, must've blown a fuse or somethin'. 280 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:07,208 You may proceed to the Labyrinth of Documentation! 281 00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:10,461 [? dramatic kettledrum music playing] 282 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:14,882 [door clatters, chains rattling] 283 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,309 [heavy thud] 284 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:21,263 [bureaucrat monks chanting] 285 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,266 Whoa... it's a total no-man's land. 286 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,102 Sounds like my weekend. 287 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,270 [laughing] 288 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,522 [chuckling] 289 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,524 [sniffles, starts sobbing] 290 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,361 [? mysterious music playing] 291 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,951 I didn't know there was this much paper in the entire world! 292 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,370 It's like a vast paper forest. 293 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,830 What's a forest? 294 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,999 We're lookin' for some really old records. 295 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,918 Let me carbon-taste this ink. 296 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,545 [slurping] 297 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,547 Hmm. Only a hundred years old. 298 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,755 We'll need to go deeper. 299 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,466 [Dwight] Oh frack, a fork! 300 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,218 How do we know which way to go? 301 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,930 See these little black dots? 302 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,431 -They're paper mites. -[scurrying] 303 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,558 Ugh! 304 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,561 Ah, these are bigger. 305 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,770 We'll take this path. 306 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,982 The bigger the mites, the longer they've been feedin'. 307 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,025 [slurping] 308 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,611 You want a granola bar or somethin'? 309 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,405 -[? mysterious music playing] -[papers crunching] 310 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:24,034 [papers fluttering] 311 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,537 How are you supposed to find anything? 312 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,210 Seems like the papers are just scattered randomly. 313 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,375 It may look that way to the uninitiated, 314 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,043 but to a seasoned bureaucrat, 315 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:36,130 this is art... borderin' on the erotic. 316 00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,048 -Dad! -I said bordering! 317 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,594 It's arranged according to a mysterious, ancient filing system 318 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,027 devised by the father of modern bureaucracy, 319 00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,599 the great Bureaucrates. 320 00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,267 [? dramatic music plays] 321 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:51,061 A true organizational genius. 322 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,688 What happened to him? 323 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,399 He got lost in his own files and died. 324 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,861 And alas, the secrets of his system died with him. 325 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,274 -[floor rumbling] -Whoa. 326 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,115 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 327 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,159 [? dramatic music playing] 328 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,326 [paper shredder whirring] 329 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,619 -[Hermes grunts] -[bust clatters] 330 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,789 Careful, son! It's a Shredlacc pit. 331 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,402 -[? dramatic music playing] -[blades whirring] 332 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,519 [groans] I should never have brought you here. 333 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,673 -It's too excitin'. -It really isn't. 334 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,550 [loud rumbling] 335 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,093 Shelfilanche! 336 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,346 [file cabinets crashing] 337 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,600 -We're trapped! -Not yet, we're not. 338 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,821 -[? dramatic music playing] -[rapid clacking] 339 00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,025 -[Hermes grunting] -[tape whooshing] 340 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,819 Grab on, boy! 341 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:40,952 [both yelp] 342 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,327 [? dramatic music playing] 343 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,494 [Hermes] We're getting close. 344 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:52,248 I can tell because the paper mites are getting larger. 345 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,416 -How large? -That large. 346 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,125 -[? dramatic sting] -[paper mite snarling] 347 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,711 [Dwight screaming] 348 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,964 Cowardly screams won't be enough, son. 349 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,174 We'll have to best this bug in combat! 350 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,427 But that thing's gonna inflict at least 2d12 damage. 351 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,220 We'll never survive without armor! 352 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,472 How about chain mail? 353 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,561 [paper mite growling] 354 00:14:13,714 --> 00:14:17,730 [protesters chanting] We're not complacent. 355 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,400 Show us the basement! 356 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,945 We're not complacent. Show us the basement! 357 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,154 Told ya it rhymed. 358 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,907 ?? 359 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:30,828 Man, protestin' really works up an appetite. 360 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,748 Wow, you're a hungry, hungry hypocrite. 361 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,375 Hey, a guy's gotta eat! 362 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,252 Actually, you don't. 363 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,672 [Fry sighs deeply] 364 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,217 Aw. How are you dealing with the loss of your pants? 365 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,011 You know how these things go. 366 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,721 I'm taking it day by day. 367 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,514 So, you got new pants? 368 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,558 [emotional] No, it's too soon. 369 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,394 [? melancholy music playing] 370 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,277 Wow, that took a really long time. 371 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,410 Thank you, son. 372 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,245 That's music to a bureaucrat's ears. 373 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,866 Now, let's slay that paper mite! 374 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:12,620 [paper mite snoring] 375 00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,955 Huh. Guess we can just walk around it. 376 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,089 No way! 377 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:19,715 I didn't put nine hours into these paper-clip codpieces for nothin'! 378 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,675 -[blade slices] -You won't be comin' in on Monday! 379 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,218 -[grunts] -[blade thumps] 380 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,352 [paper mite growls] 381 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,222 [snarling, roaring] 382 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,515 -[armor clinking] -It's hopeless! 383 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:35,809 We have no weapon now! 384 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,312 Incorrect. In the hands of a bureaucrat, 385 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,105 paperwork can be lethal. 386 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,691 [? dramatic music playing] 387 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,486 [papers fluttering] 388 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,155 [paper mite laughing] 389 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:53,369 -[? dramatic music playing] -[wind howling] 390 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,071 -[footsteps crunching] -[Hermes shivering] 391 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,623 Why are you shiverin'? 392 00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,000 It's not even cold in here. It's kinda hot. 393 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,834 I know, but it just looks really cold. 394 00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,379 Man, it's blinding! 395 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,797 I lost track of which direction we were gettin' lost in. 396 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,634 This is how they say Bureaucrates died, 397 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,595 lost in a whiteout of his own paperwork. 398 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,930 -[? melancholy music playing] -I'm sorry, Dwight. 399 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:17,309 All I wanted was to share my love of bureaucracy with you. 400 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:20,312 Instead, I'm fillin' out our death certificates. 401 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,314 [pen scribbling] 402 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:26,151 Initial here and list the cause of death as "stupid father." 403 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,569 [Dwight] It's okay, Pops. 404 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,696 At least we had a great adventure together. 405 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:32,992 The best thing to do now is lie down and freeze to death quickly. 406 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,877 You alive? 407 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,441 -[hoofbeats approaching] -You hear somethin'? 408 00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,833 [? epic, heroic music playing] 409 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,710 Slower! Slower! 410 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:44,632 The storm's getting worse! 411 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,256 Get in quick before you die of heat stroke! 412 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,215 [extension-cord whip snaps] 413 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,592 I don't believe it. 414 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,220 Are you... Bureaucrates? 415 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,181 All questions must be submitted in writing. 416 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,933 [gasps] It is you! 417 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,728 But the history books say you were lost in a whiteout. 418 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,021 I still am! 419 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,773 [? epic music playing] 420 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,821 Please, make yourselves uncomfortable. 421 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,282 How may I impede you? 422 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:17,077 We seek an ancient floor plan predating the digital records. 423 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,246 But so far, we've been unable 424 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,331 to crack your legendary filing system. 425 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,709 Can you at least give us a hint? 426 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:24,960 You want a hint? 427 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,462 Here's a hint. 428 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,047 There is no system! 429 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,550 Can we get another hint? 430 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:32,953 [hysterical] I'm a fraud! 431 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,388 I just kept piling things up, deeper and deeper. 432 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:40,017 I said I'd get to it on Monday, but Monday never came... 433 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,853 'cause my calendar was under one of the piles! 434 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,898 But according to legend, you could find anythin'. 435 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:50,152 I could because I had a general idea of which pile to look in. 436 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,112 But no one else stood a chance! 437 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:55,741 So you created a filing system so unsystematic 438 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,409 that literally nothing could be done without you? 439 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,789 You truly are the greatest bureaucrat who ever lived. 440 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:02,922 [sniffles] 441 00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:05,626 Your pandering hero worship has moved me. 442 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,127 I thought I was a failure, 443 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,630 when all along I was a bottleneck! 444 00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:11,715 Oh, a huge one! 445 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,718 Now, this is the buildin' address we're lookin' for. 446 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:16,553 Ah, yes. 447 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:19,264 I remember filing this in Column Gamma. 448 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,768 Hmm, uh, no. 449 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:24,269 Uh, uh, must be this one. 450 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,314 Or, uh, maybe... this one? 451 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,318 [paper temple crashing] 452 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,998 No, it was- it was the first one I grabbed earlier. 453 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,122 Here. 454 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,950 You have found your treasure, 455 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,785 but at great cost. 456 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:40,918 For alas, 457 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,288 there is no way out of this labyrinth. 458 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,875 I've been searching for 500 years. 459 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,502 Have you tried this door? 460 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,130 You can't use that! It's for emergencies. 461 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,800 -[door creaking] -[alarm softly beeping] 462 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,009 Come with us, friend. 463 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,303 No. My place is here, 464 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:01,640 filing a false alarm report that no one will ever see. 465 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,724 -[soft beeping continues] -You are as a god. 466 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,225 [door closes, beeping stops] 467 00:19:05,226 --> 00:19:07,645 [protesters chanting] Show us the attic! 468 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,398 Wait, we mean the basement! 469 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,900 [muffled chanting continues outside] 470 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,819 Look here, Fishy Jerk! 471 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,404 These official records will prove once and for all 472 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,906 that there is no basement! 473 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,033 [? dramatic sting] 474 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,368 There's a basement? 475 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,830 [Professor grunting] 476 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:25,998 [? dramatic sting] 477 00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,166 [group gasping] 478 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,544 I knew that stuff I made up was true. 479 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,920 [? suspenseful music playing] 480 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:35,465 What you are about to see may be disturbing. 481 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,050 It better be! 482 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,054 A secret basement has been discovered 483 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:41,180 beneath Family Brothers Pizzeria, 484 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,183 the once-popular eatery rumored to make pepperoni 485 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,976 from tender human babies. 486 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:49,104 Let us see what horrors lie below! 487 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,522 But they didn't even know they had a basement! 488 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,983 What a crock of malarkey. 489 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,277 Leela, watch your language! 490 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,487 There's no baby butcher down there. 491 00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,240 And, uh, let's arm ourselves just in case. 492 00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:02,950 [glass bottle shatters] 493 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,001 I'm not scared. 494 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,455 Lead the way, somebody else. 495 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,130 I'll do it. 496 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,959 Without my pants, life isn't worth living anyway. 497 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,093 [flames whooshing] 498 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,549 [group gasping, groaning] 499 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,713 Ew! 500 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,005 [softly] Get a shot of that. 501 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,746 What happened to your underpants? 502 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,134 [fire crackling] 503 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,054 [? suspenseful music playing] 504 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,063 [? suspenseful music swells] 505 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,982 [group gasps] 506 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,691 [Fishy Joe Gilman] There's nothin' here. 507 00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:36,985 But it's filthy! 508 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:41,073 No self-respecting devil worshiper would sacrifice babies in this dump! 509 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,702 Oh, my God! 510 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,996 Don't you mean, "Oh, my Satan"? 511 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,130 [? dramatic sting] 512 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,458 [Fry] It's the ruins of Panucci's Pizza! 513 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,585 Where I worked a thousand years ago. 514 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,338 Really? Directly under the other pizzeria? 515 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,506 It makes sense. 516 00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,842 This address has been zoned as a pizzeria for a millennium. 517 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,846 They must have just kept building them 518 00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:05,639 one on top of another, on top of another, 519 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,266 until they built the second one, and they were done. 520 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,311 So, my old locker must be right... 521 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,445 here! 522 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,983 Ah! My spare delivery pants! 523 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:17,276 Should I put them on? 524 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,945 I think I speak for everyone when I say, 525 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,947 yes, dammit, yes! 526 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:26,868 And so, despite the overzealous reporting of my colleague... 527 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,787 [Linda laughing] 528 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,498 ...there is no baby-murdering pepperoni operation 529 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:33,166 in this filthy basement. 530 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:36,712 We sincerely apologize for any excitement we may have caused. 531 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:37,845 [static buzzing] 532 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,756 Well, I'm a sleazebag, 533 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,759 and the people of District 97 deserve better. 534 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,678 -[? gentle music playing] -Congratulations, Blazucchi. 535 00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,472 I'm droppin' outta the race 536 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,808 to focus on my presidential ambitions. 537 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:51,685 [door creaking] 538 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,194 Hello... 539 00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:54,479 [all gasping] 540 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:55,613 Blecch? 541 00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:58,191 What are you a-doing in mystery basement? 542 00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,902 And where did you get that pepperoni? 543 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:02,404 Eh... [chuckles nervously] 544 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,281 Well, I... [sighs] 545 00:22:04,364 --> 00:22:05,741 I a-show you. 546 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:07,034 [door creaking] 547 00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:10,495 This is-a where I get my melt-in-you-face pepperoni. 548 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,373 It's been a-dry aging for a thousand years. 549 00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:15,917 Wow, since Fry worked here! 550 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,461 [? nostalgic music playing] 551 00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:20,172 [Fry] I remember it like it was yesteryear... 552 00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:23,050 only, we didn't hang pepperoni from the ceiling. 553 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:26,845 We just stuck it on a high shelf to keep the laziest rats away. 554 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:28,888 -[fly buzzing] -The only thing hanging from the ceiling 555 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,307 was fly paper. 556 00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:33,017 [Zoidberg] So where'd the pepperoni come from? 557 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,020 [? mysterious music playing] 558 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:38,940 [mechanical whirring] 559 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,317 [? dramatic sting] 560 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,070 [Bender gags] It's a log of dead flies! 561 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:45,655 [all gagging] 562 00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,324 At least it's not babies. 563 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,624 Uh... 564 00:22:51,995 --> 00:22:56,416 Do you, Boxy Robot, solemnly swear to uphold the obscure 565 00:22:56,500 --> 00:23:00,128 and trivial ordinances of District 97? 566 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:01,546 [Boxy Robot beeps] 567 00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,757 Well, you may not have gotten elected, 568 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,051 but at least your reputation is, uh... 569 00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:07,184 never mind. 570 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:10,472 So, you think you might follow in my footsteps, 571 00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:13,224 now that you've seen how thrillin' bureaucracy can be? 572 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,019 No. I still find bureaucracy super boring. 573 00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,813 -[? gentle music playing] -But... 574 00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,439 I think you're pretty cool. 575 00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:24,027 That's 92.5% of all I could ask for. 576 00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:28,240 Hey, it's our handsome waiter! 577 00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:29,866 And he's wearing pants! 578 00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,786 -[? solemn music playing] -I swear before God almighty 579 00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:37,290 that these pants will never see the inside of a washing machine. 580 00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:38,458 [? music stops] 581 00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:42,212 No. No, no, no, no! 582 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:43,345 [Leela] What is it? 583 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:45,173 Pineapple! 584 00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:50,303 ?? 585 00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:33,263 [? fanfare playing] 586 00:24:33,313 --> 00:24:37,863 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41613

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