Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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(Computer game) "SET!"

(Computer game) "GO!"

Tea Debbie?

Debbie, tea?

Oh, cinnamon please.

(Computer buttons being furiously tapped)

Your record's going mate.

(Computer game voice) "Player one wins!"

Do cho de!

Steve...

... what's it mean?

What, do cho de?

Son of a bitch.

Vietnamese?

That's right.

When was the last time you left the house?

When we went to lectures.

Three weeks ago?!

No, tell a lie, I went out in the camper Tuesday.

Where?

No, I just got a loo roll.

You joining me?

Nah, can't, popping over to Sarah's.

Well if you manage to escape from under her thumb

let's do a decathalon later.

And we need a card thingy for the electric while you're out and all.

Isn't it Andy's turn?

Whatever, I'll get one on the way back.

Wow!

Hi, is Sarah here?

Describe her?

Kind of medium height, long blonde hair...

...kind of weird face

have you seen the Goonies?

Shut up! No-one here fits that description.

Well, maybe Debbie.

Guess who got picked for the first team today?

That's cool.

Yep, they told us after the match.

You didn't come and watch.

No, I know.

What, is it being at the ground, or...?

Yeh.

It's not like you're playing though is it?

That's the problem.

You'll come and watch one day won't you

... maybe, please?

Sarah, honestly.

You got it?

(Sarah) Yeh, came to the club.

(Sarah) How was your day, how were lectures?

Yeh good thanks, lectures were good.

(Sarah) Debbie didn't go.

Did she not?

Must be doing different modules to us.

You got your essay done?

Oh this? No this is Debbie's.

Debbie's?

Yeh, she's going away for a few days

I'm handing it in for her tomorrow.

Everyone's away all weekend actually.

I mean who's stupid enought to run out of ink

the night before they've got an essay due in.

Gemma came up with a good one for her earlier, 'Twiglet'.

(Blues music plays from upstairs)

Unbelieveable.

Do you think people listen to the blues because they're depressed

or get depressed because they listen to the blues.

Tom...?

No no....

no no, just trying to remember which...

... which essay.

You've done it though?

Yeh, yeh no problems. It's fine.

I'm just going to err...

... I'm just going to pop to the loo.

(Door knocking) (Blues music from Debbie's bedroom)

(Debbie) Hello...?

Debbie, hi...

..um, yeh, I just your essay printing in Sarah's room.

Um, yeh, wasn't actually aware of an essay.

When's it due?

Tomorrow.

It is tommorrow... ok ... good ... good.

And what's it on?

One from that list.

Ok... the list...

... right and how many words are we looking at?

5000 words.

Oh, it's a 5000 worder is it?...

...good news... good news...

... good news... right.

Oh if you could just not tell Sarah

kind of forgot.

I was thinking, you may as well take Twiglet's essay now

she said something about a hand-in sheet or code or something

I don't understand the whole psychology thing.

Yeh, know the feeling.

You're having an early night then, it that right?

Yeh, I'm shattered, it was a really tough match.

Ok...

.. ok well I might just head off.

What, already?

Yeh... yeh...

...I thought I'd do something with Steve.

Well no guesses what.

Look, screw Mr Lonely Planet Tom

everybody's out tonight

and I think someone deserves a treat for getting their essay done.

Yeh... I really better go babe... sorry.

Oh, is someone planning a surprise for my birthday.

You never know.

Right, so... I really better head off.

Sorry babe.

Ok...

Bye.

Steve.

We're screwed.

How did this happen man?

What?

I don't think this is going to go down as one of life's great mysteries Steve

this is no JFK, grassy knoll

I mean yesterday you asked me in all seriousness

how do you spell psychology?

Well it is quite tricky.

We've been doing it over two years Steve.

Come on, we're going to have to gather our notes

let's pool our resources.

(Tom) This is less than ideal.

(Steve) Nah man.

I reckon I can definitely do something on animal language

Pavlov and all that.

With what Steve?

You've got more dividers than notes.

You've got to be more positive man.

No, you've got to be more realistic.

Is the library still open?

Library?

Damn it, no it shuts at 9.

Can't we just borrow some notes off someone?

Who?

Keith?

Ketih went to less lectures than us.

Jim?

Jim? Jim left the course 6 months ago.

Really?

Yeh.

Oh I liked Jim.

Cath?

Ok, two things...

First, Cath isn't really speaking to us right now.

Second, arguably more critical...

Cath doesn't do psychology Steve.

Does she not?

No.

Oh, ok.

Is this essay important if we don't do it?

Ok, let me break this down for you Steve...

So, you've got your Geoff Hurst.

First.

Good.

Then you've got your 2:1, whatever.

Then you've got your classic Desi.

Oh Desi, Desmond TuTu.

Very good...

And then finally you've got your Douglas.

Oh, hang on, don't tell me...

Douglas Hurd, third.

Excellent.

Now we are basically on the brink of a Christian Bale here Steve.

Fail?

If we don't pass this essay

we will Christian Bale our degrees.

We got food and a roof over our heads

let's just appreciate what we got man

I mean there's no need to panic, in Vietnam right...

No need to panic?

Steve, if Sarah finds out how many lectures we've been missing,

how much we've been smoking.

Honestly Steve.

That's what I was thinking.

It's kind of sitting in our laps innit?

What?

No that not what I... you think I'd copy?

No...

... no I was thinking...

... she's going to have some really good notes.

No, that's more or less what I was thinking.

Damn it, no, she's away

and I can't ask Sarah for her number.

Can't we just borrow her notes?

Really?

Well yeh, I mean think about it

you wouldn't mind if someone borrowed your notes would you?

It certainly wouldn't bother me at all.

Hardly surprising.

But yeh, I see what you're saying

it's not really the end of the world is it?

Ok...

...ok, so what's our cover story going to be when we go round?

Just tell her you left your iPod there or something, simple.

I'm sure we can think of something better than that Steve.

Hi.

Did I leave my iPod here?

I don't think so, God come in.

Did you even have it with you?

Yeh, I think so. I'll just have a quick look.

Uh, where you going?

Oh, the bathroom sorry.

The bathroom?

(Tom) Yeh, I thought it might be in the bathroom I took it out to have a look...

... I think I might have dropped the headphones or... (fades away)

Steve.

Sarah.

(Awkwardly over each other) The weather's a bit bad isn't it?

I'll just see if I can go and help.

No!

Could I have a cup of tea?

What?

You want a cup of tea Steve?

Milk, sugar?

Well I actually prefer herbal teas but...

Got it babe.

Forget the tea. Bye.

How long's Debbie away for?

Don't know, 2 or 3 days I think.

Well that's fine then.

Cup of tea?

Yeh, no herbal crap though.

We should probably do something about this at some stage.

Most of it's Andy's

he can do it when he gets back.

Looks like she's been to just about every lecture.

Outstanding.

Cheers mate.

Cheeky bifter to kick off proceedings?

Steve!

What?

It's not the end of the world man

it might help us relax a bit, you know

We haven't tended to produce our best work stoned

even if we thought we were writing Nietzsche.

No, there's no way I'm smoking, not tonight.

Ok.

Have you even thought about which essay you're going to write?

Well, the same one as Debbie of course.

You're doing the same essay as Debbie?

Well of course I am

she'll have extra notes and stuff.

You're not?

Don't know.

Come on man, think about it, there's not much time.

Yeh, I guess.

Ok, but just her notes, we're not looking at her essay.

No, just her notes.

(Tom) Just her notes. (Steve) Just her notes.

Just her notes.

Ok... good...

right well I'll just put this here

so we're not tempted.

don't let me forget it.

Outstanding.

Yeh, I finally managed to get the remote out of Debbie's hands.

No, she's gone away for a few days.

No, you really don't understand Kate

like you really don't know understand how weird it gets.

I mean I've just turned the TV on

and no joke, she's watching the shopping channel.

She's watching the shopping chnnel!

I mean that's just not right.

Yeh, exactly, I mean who in the hell watches this rubbish!

(Shopping channel on TV) ...you won't be phoning up again

and saying Derek, I need another one, it's broken

it's not going to happen

Do you know what this is worth?

Value-wise, I dread to think

but on the armchair shopping network we're talking £12.99

the super bargain low price of £12.99!

There it is, the microwave egg cooker.

Steve, what are you doing?

This is really good man, I'm not joking.

Like you'd be remotely interested in this if you didn't have an essay to write.

(Shopping channel on TV) It's an egg timer

this is basically what people used before they had clocks.

Steve...

... what the hell are you doing?

Just clearing the washing up man.

It's not worried you for the past 3 months.

(TV news music)

(News reporter on TV) Well Huw, yes

everyone was predicting a very heavy storm

but nobody could have anticipated how heavy this was going to be

how ferocious.

Yes, I've just had word through that up to four motorways have now been closed

and numerous A-roads have been rendered impassable.

The message from the MET office is:

Brace yourselves, it's going to be a long night.

Back to you in the studio Huw.

What?

It's up to me what I do man.

Wanna bit?

(Sound of rain pouring outside)

(Steve) Have you ever thought right man

(Steve) if you were told that you were gonna die

(Steve) in say, a year's time

(Steve) there is no way you'd be doing this essay.

(Tom) Probably need a couple more drags

(Tom) before I can take part in this conversation.

One game?

Make it quick.

(Tom) 10,000 metres?

(Steve) Yeh, I slipped.

(Tom) Whatever.

(Tom) My 'X' button's sticking.

(Steve) Ahhh, do you want mine?

(Steve) We can swap if you want.

If you fail this essay you'll have to sell your camper.

What?

Nothing...

... it's just if you fail there's no way your parents will let you keep it.

Shut-up.

You'll have to sell it to pay for the fees you wasted this year.

That's all I'm saying.

You reckon?

(Computer game) "Player one's taken the lead"

You cheating...

(Computer game) "Player two's coming back"

Just imagine though, wouldn't it be bad

no camper, tonnes more debt

and having to re-take the year.

That's all I'm saying.

Just looking out for you mate, you know.

(Computer game) "Player one's taken the lead"

(Computer game) "They're neck and neck"

(Computer game) "This is going to come down

(Computer game) to who wants it more"

(Computer game) "It's a sprint finish"

(Steve) Get in! (Tom) Oh no!

(Steve) Oh yes!

(Tom) Oh no...

... no no no, the notes, the notes!

Quick, get them out of the folder.

We'll just dry 'em, it will be fine.

They'll be creased.

Iron?

You ever done it?

No.

Do we have an iron?

Don't know.

We'll cross that bridge tomorrow.

Is there going to be enough space?

Ok, that's it, this is ridiculous.

What?

Steve!

You do whatever you want man, I haven't got time for this.

(Tom) Are you just copying it straight?

No.

It's just based on it.

Whatever.

Can you pass it here a second please

let me just see if it helps makes sense of her notes.

Outstanding.

Shut-up

mine's just going to be inspired by it, that's all.

Whatever.

(Ringing tone from computer)

Hello?

Hi baby.

You ok?

Yeh, just off to bed.

What are you up to?

Nothing... you know... just err

...just chilling you know.

You heard the storms? It's unbelievable.

Yeh, yeh I know, really bad, really bad.

How many words you done? (Tom coughs to mask Steve)

Are you ok?

Yeh, yeh... I'm fine, I'm fine... just err...

Oh, you've gone.

Yeh, it's really bad

Debbie's heading back, all the roads are flooded.

(Sarah) Tom?

Yeh, sorry babe, just lost you there for a second.

Gonna have to sign off... it's a...

really bad line.

Ok, well

night night, sleep tight

don't let the bed bugs bite.

Unlikely.

(Hangs up)

What?

Where's the iron?

How hot?

Cotton, polyester or wool?

There doesn't seem to be a setting for paper.

Don't know, just not too hot I guess, see how it goes.

Steam on, or steam off?

Maybe it's best if I do the ironing.

Can't believe I'm ironing notes on OCD.

You think you could help mate?

(Steve) Yeh, in a minute.

Oh my God, shit, Steve look at this.

(Steve) Oh man.

Reminds me of my sister's friend.

Shall we do something?

Like what? Her friends must have seen

Has she got any friends?

Let's just... pretend we didn't see.

(Steve) I've got anorexia and bulimia.

(Tom) I've got depression and schizophrenia.

(Steve) I've also got OCD and agoraphobia.

I'm struggling with anxiety

or was that earlier - March some time?

How we gonna get this back in her room man?

Yeh.

Don't know.

Has Sarah still got a ket to the house?

Of course!

Of course! We'll just say we locked ourselves out.

(Tom) Right....

(Tom) ... ok..... so...

So this...

... this is the house.

(Steve) Looks like a cricket pitch.

(Tom) Whatever.

These...

... these are the stairs ...

...this is the kitchen...

... this is Sarah's bedroom

and Debbie's room is here directly above

oh, and this is the bathroom.

Ok, so...

we enter here.

I tell Sarah that we've locked ourselves out...

Steve! You with me?

Come on now mate, we need to pull together here buddy

thsi is our time

we're a team now

I need 110% all the way.

Ah, I'm knackered, is 100 ok?

That'll do.

Ok, so, what will happen is this

I will look for the keys with Sarah which will be either here in her room

or here in the kitchen.

You need to ask to go to the toilet

which will give you an excuse to go upstairs here

creep into Debbie's room and put back the folder.

Ok.

What if the key's upstairs?

Trust me mate, the keys won't be upstairs.

Ok, I'm ready.

Great!

Let's move out.

Have you got Debbie's folder?

Folder?

What?

No, we locked ourselves out.

Right, but have you got Debbie's folder, yes or no?

Yeh.

Pass it here, she's locked herself in the bathroom.

Debbie

come on, I've got your folder, it's all ok.

Can you come out please?

(Debbie's singing Humpty Dumpty to herself behind the door)

(Tom knocks the door)

Hi Debbie, it's Tom here

look, we're sorry, we took your folder

we just needed some notes, that's all.

Why did you have her folder?

We just borrowed it, we didn't think she'd mind.

When?

Earlier on when you came round about your iPod?

Yeh.

So, what, that was just a lie?

Well kind of yeh...

Kind of, what?

Why did you need her notes?

Have you not done the essay?

(Steve) No.

What am I meant to say Tom?

You just blatantly lied to me.

It was just a little white lie, that's all

I knew how you'd react, I knew you'd blow it all out of proportion.

Blow it out of proportion! What?

You just lied to me Tom, does trust mean anything to you?

Sorry, see this, this is what I mean.

Don't turn this around on me Tom.

Why did you need her notes, let's talk about that shall we

becasue you told me you were going to lectures.

We missed one or two lectures, it's not a big deal.

Not a big deal?

You're a drop-out Tom, can't you see that?

Sorry, I can do whatever the hell I like, ok?

Not with me you can't.

(Steve) You're not his mum Sarah.

Oh shut the hell up Steve.

So wait, I've just got to do whatever you say from now, is that right?

Why did you miss lectures?

Oh my God, you're stoned now, I can't believe this!

Yeh, but he's not as stoned as me though Sarah.

Well congratulations Steve.

You don't understand do you?

You don't realise how hard it is for me every day with this injury

you just don't care.

Well how long's it going to take Tom?

How long do I have to feel sorry for you for?

Tell me, please, cos I've been waiting long enough!

Waiting for what Sarah?

Waiting for me to be a cricket captain again?

Have you noticed I can't play any more? Have you even noticed that?

That dream's over.

This is not about cricket Tom

this is about basic self respect

this is about you giving up on life, and losing any sense of integrity.

Integrity? What the hell? What's that meant to mean?

I'll tell you exactly what that means Tom.

Did you copy Debbie's essay?

(Steve) Yeh.

Steve!

So you did?

We looked at it, yeh

but that wasn't the plan

why else do you think we went to the trouble of getting Debbie's notes Sarah

tell me that?

Well, that's not the issue Tom, is it?

The issue here is that you...

Debbie's stopped singing.

(Tom) What?

(Steve) Debbie, she's not singing any more.

(Sarah) And?

Well. I mean is she ok?

I mean it's a bit worrying isn't it? After what we saw in her notes.

What? What did you see in her notes?

Just pass the folder.

Well it's not that surprising.

Do you have any sympathy?

What?

(Tom) Can you hear anything mate?

No.

I really hope she's ok.

Yeh, me too.

Right, we're going to have to break the door down I reckon.

Oh what are you doing? This isn't going to prove anything.

I'm actually pretty worried about Debbie here Sarah

even if you're not.

(Tom taps the door)

There's the spot.

Right!

(Sarah) It's not even locked!

You said it was!

(Sarah) Debbie, Debbie are you ok?

(Debbie) Oh, that knocked me for six.

You been drinking?

You told me you were allergic.

I didn't say I was allergic

I said I react very badly.

We were really worried about you Debs

we thought you might have hurt yourself or something.

Really?

Look, don't worry

we know you've got some issues, but we're here to help.

My Dad know this person...

She probably just needs someone to listen to her Sarah, that's all.

Of course she knows I'm here to listen.

Don't you Debbie?

Thanks.

So, you stole my lecture notes and copied my essay?

We're sorry Debbie.

Yeh, we just missed a couple of lectures, that's all.

Really?

Cos I think I've only seen you in uni 3 or 4 times this term.

What!

Sarah...

You've been lying to me all this time?

Oh get out!

Sarah, come on...

Sarah, please, you're being over-dramatic.

Go, Tom, it's over.

What?

I've nothing more to say to you.

Well that's it?

Sarah, come on please this is us.

Come on man.

I think we better go.

Sarah...

(Footsteps down the stairs)

(Front door closes)

So you saw my notes then...

... pretty screwed up, huh?

And here's me pretending I'm all better now.

Thanks for saying you'll listen, I really appreciate that.

That's fine.

So I'll see you downstairs in an minute then.

What?

I'll see you downstairs for a chat.

Now?

Yeh, if that's ok?

Would it not be better to maybe get some sleep Debbie

talk about it in the morning, I can't think straight right now.

No, I'd like to talk about it now, if that's ok?

That's fine.

Thanks Sarah, you're one of the good ones.

(Music over montage)

(Debbie) So that's my grandparents

I've got two older brothers but they're much older

so I was pretty much an only child growing up.

My Dad's in the RAF and when I was 10 he got posted to Germany

Oh right.

They didn't think it would be a good idea for me to go with them

didn't want me to pick up the accent.

Nice to know they had a genuine reason for leaving me behind.

Yeh.

So that's when I went to boarding school

and it was pretty much down hill all the way from there.

(Microwave ping)

Who opened these?

Andy?

I got this imported from Vietnam

I had it when I was out there.

But with postage it works out at about £27 a bottle.

Probably won't do that again.

Whoa man!

I'm serious, this is mega hot.

I'm fine.

Anyway, it's probably the best thing to happen man

I mean she was always telling you what to do and stuff

I mean that's not right.

It's like this um...

... this balance thing I learnt in Vietnam.

I'll show you.

Um, where's a pen?

Right...

so on the one side

you got Sarah, all her interests and stuff right. On the other side...

Is that my photo?

Oh yeh, sorry man.

You idiot.

Whoa, calm down, it's not the end of the world!

No, not for you you knob.

Whoa, let's try and get a bit of perspective here is it?

In Vietnam right...

You're not in Vietnam any more Steve.

You're not in Vietnam!

What the hell's that meant to mean?

You come out with this all this crap all the time

it's ridiculous.

Oh I'm very sorry, just because you've never been anywhere.

Why would I want to mate?

Why would I want to?

Drinking herbal tea, buying a shit camper

it's hardly a revolution is it?

Oh so I can't but herbal tea now can I captain?

You only do it for show Steve.

All the cups in your room have got hot chocolate in.

Well at least I know who I am.

Who are you?

What?

Yeh. who are you Tom?

Now that you haven't got cricket.

How can you possibly say that?

I thought you were my mate.

Oh, I'll tell you about mates Tom

mates come crawling back to spend time with you

when they haven't got any other options left.

Why would I want to spend time with you Steve?

Why would I want to spend time with you?

Everyone knows you only smoke weed as an excuse

to avoid risking failure.

It's pathetic.

You've given up mate.

I've given up?

Look at you man!

You think you're better than me or something.

Face it man, you're no different to me

you're no different.

You know what, Steve?

I think I am.

I think I am.

(Answer phone message) "Hi, this is Sarah's phone

sorry I can't take your call

but leave me a message and I'll get back to you

thanks, bye!" (Beep).

Hi Sarah, Tom.

Yeh, I just thought I'd phone you

to let you know that I'm not giving up that easily

I'm not gonna to let it end like this

not going to happen.

You think I've got no integrity?

You think that?

Well I'm going to prove you wrong.

Trust me Sarah, I'm going to prove you wrong.

You know the essay? Debbie's essay?

I'm not going to copy it.

In fact, you know what... wait... wait one second...

(Shakes Debbie's essay)

You hear that?

That's Debbie's essay.

You know what I'm going to do?

Listen to this!

(Tears essay to stirring music)

You hear that?

That's Debbie's essay.

I am tearing Debbie's essay

and I'm going to re-write my own one, from scratch, tonight

and I'm going to come round to yours tomorrow

and show you what you mean to me.

And just to remind you

you're going to have to re-print Debbie's essay

not sure if that was clear.

Your copying days are over mate.

Why?

What's happened?

The right thing, that's what's happened.

Debbie's?

All gone mate, sorry.

If we're going to fail we're going to do it the right way.

Fine.

Not bothered?

No, doesn't bother me at all.

I wasn't going to copy anyway.

You're not the only one with a conscience Tom.

Believe it or not I actually felt pretty bad for Debbie,

it's just that I don't have to make a big song and dance about it like you.

So you weren't going to copy anymore?

No, course not.

Ok...

... so I guess it wouldn't bother you if I just deleted what you've already done?

No. You?

Not at all.

Prove it.

You prove it.

(Steve) Fine. (Tom) Fine.

You ever been bullied Sarah?

Err no, no I haven't.

You don't know what you're missing.

At an all girls school they can be like vultures I tell you.

Pick you apart, right to the bone.

You know any girls like that Sarah?

Yeh, I think so, I think I know what you mean.

Yeh, they're the worst aren't they?

They call it boarding school, but it's more like a cats home.

How can anyone blame you for having problems

when you've been through something like that.

Sounds terrible.

I've made progress

but the battle's never really over.

Yeh.

The notes, in my folder...

... just remnants of an old bad habit.

Do you think it might be an idea to maybe stop drinking?

... I don't know?

(Debbie) No.

I definitely want to keep drinking.

(Mexican duel music)

You deleted it?

Yep.

And the recycle bin?

Practically.

You?

Practically.

So when I came to uni I was determined to leave all that behind

try and not be the one with all the problems for once.

But tonight, with the notes,

just feels like I'm back to where I was before.

Debbie come on, no-one's judging you.

Are they not?

Do you like blues music Sarah?

What? Um, don't know, it's ok.

Because I've been thinking...

... do you think people listen to the blues because they're depressed,

or get depressed because they listen to the blues?

Just a question I've been asking myself lately.

Pass the internet cable.

No.

You're not even using it!

So?

Don't be a knob, I need to print off a journal.

You're not the captain now Tom.

So Sarah...

... why do you hate me?

What?

Why do you hate me?

What are you talking about?

Why do you hate me?

Debbie, please, I think you've had too much to drink.

Why do you hate me?

I don't understand, do you want me to say something bad?

I don't understand.

Why do you hate me?

Oh, this is too much!

You play your music too loud sometimes ... I don't know!

Did you ever think that if you can hear my music

maybe I can hear quite a lot from your room too.

What?

The chimney Sarah, the one that connects both our rooms.

The chimney, what?

Boy does some crap get blown up it.

I know you all call be twiglet...

... I know that I'm the one who never buys washing powder...

... I'm the one who wastes my time on computer games...

... I'm the one who makes the kitchen broom look fat.

Debbie.... I....

Do you know why I turn my music up so loud?

Do you know why Sarah?

So I can't hear what you're saying.

I've never heard any talking coming from your room.

You know why that is?

You know why that is Sarah?

Because no-one comes to talk to me, that's the truth.

When I left school my psychology teacher told us

how all student houses have a scapegoat,

all of them, it helps a house run smoother.

You know what it's like to wake up one day and realise...

You're that scapegoat.

Unbelievable!

Andy's labelled his milk!

Cold in here, isn't it?

Andy labelled his milk, how sad is that!

Do you reckon you could just pass the internet cable for one second?

Cheers mate.

We all say stuff in private that we don't expect others to hear, you know?

It's just me letting off a bit of steam.

Are you honestly trying to tell me

that because you called me a 'concentration camp victim' in private

that I shouldn't be worried, or it doesn't count?

No.

I'd say they're the most honest things you've ever said to me Sarah.

I don't know what I'm meant to say.

Well as I see it

we've come to a bit of a fork in the road here.

I know you're desperate to go to bed, but...

... I'm also aware of the fact we've just opened

an industrial sized can of housemate conflict

which kind of needs clearing up.

So, I'm going to give you two options.

Right.

Option one

you go to bed

and tell all your friends in the morning what a mistake it was

saying those things in a room beneath mine.

Or...

... stay...

... finish this bottle, and maybe we'll work some of this out.

It's not really a choice, is it Debbie?

Of course it is.

Look Sarah, at this point you can't really offend me any more

so if you want to go to bed, be my guest.

Or stay...

... and maybe risk finding a friend

beneath this pile of skin and bones.

It's just so late, Debbie.

Is there no way we can do this another day or another time?

I mean I'd be more than happy to, honestly...

You can't kick this kind of conversation off from cold.

But as I say, if you want to go to bed

be my guest.

I'll get a glass.

(Sound of power dying)

(Steve) You did get a card earlier, didn't you?

(Tom) No.

(Steve) Ah, shit!

(Tom) I know, shut up.

(Tom) I'll go to the shops.

(Steve) Now?

(Tom) We'll get charged somewhere.

(Steve) Where?

(Tom) Ben's?

(Tom) That's like a half hour walk.

(Tom) The camper?

(Steve) It's not working.

(Tom) Again?!

I had an idea of how to show you my life

who I am.

Ok.

I was thinking, a tour of my house.

Your house?

A tour of my house.

What, your home or...?

No no no, this will be a tour of number 45, right here.

Or at least the number 45 I live in

from what I understand it's a different place to where you live.

Right

I think I get you

so this is basically a guilt trip?

Essentially.... yes.

Great, where do we start?

Right here I think.

Let's talk about the remote control.

I mean let's really talk about the remote control.

I understand you think I hog it?

Well no-one else can get close.

Have you considered the fact that I actually own the TV?

Well that doesn't matter it's in the lounge so...

It's in the lounge because I chose to put it there

I thought it might be sociable.

I don't have a TV in my room like everyone else.

You don't?

Well what are we meant to do if you don't say anything?

Well if you talked to me once in a while you might have realised.

Right...

... this way please...

... to the kitchen of bitchin'.

(Steve) And?

(Tom) Don't know, panicked,

typed a paragraph into the calculator.

(Steve) My battery's not going to last.

(Tom) Ok, just shut up! Let me think.

Ok, maybe you were right on that one

width-wise I've got maybe one or two centimetres more than you.

Thank you!

But let's take a look in the freezer a second shall we?

I make it you have nearly half the freezer space

even though there's four of us in the house.

Well no-one else buys freezer stuff

so I kind of presumed it would be ok.

That's cos there's nowhere to put it!

Ok Ok, no, I take your point.

Right, where next?

I know - the wok.

The infamous non-stick wok.

(Mobile phone text message alert)

(Mobile phone text message alert)

(Mobile phone text message alert)

(Mobile phone text message alert)

(Tom laughs)

(Tom) Shall we talk?

(Steve) I haven't got much choice...

... I've run out of credit.

I've barely used it, and only with a wooden spoon.

Well who scratched it then?

You ever seen Gemma making her famous egg fried rice?

It's a fairly aggressive process.

It only slips down so easily because it's about 60% Teflon.

(Tom) And I'm not just a...

injured cricket player

slightly lame friend

and phenomenal lover.

(Steve) Whatever!

(Tom) Ok, come on mate

we need to get a plan together here.

(Steve) Yeh, let's think.

I just get the feeling that you don't take the bin bags out

as much as everyuone else.

Well no, but that's because of my back

which I sort of hoped everyone realised.

No, no I hadn't realised

but Debbie you should really say something

we don't know unless you tell us.

No, you're right, you're right. Ok...

(Tom) Ok, I've got one.

(Steve) Me too.

(Tom) What?

(Steve) You first.

(Tom) Ok... so...

... there's a 24 hours shop in Roath

it's about a 40 minute walk but it might sell one.

That's 2 hours out

but it still leaves a couple of hours for writing.

I'll walk it if I have to

even if it means risking hyperthermia.

What's your plan?

(Steve) Andy's got a card in his room.

(Tom) What?!

(Steve) Yeh, I just remembered

he keeps one for emergencies.

(Tom) This might qualify!

(Steve) Yeh, but his room's locked.

(Tom) Ok, so...

plan is I'm going to give a little kick, break the lock.

It's fine. Trust me.

(Tom taps the door)

(Tom) That's the sweet spot.

(Tom) What the hell do they make these doors out of?

(Steve) Something between wood and paper by the look of it.

(Tom) It's fire door...

... only in the sense that it would be good to start a fire with.

(Tom) Jackpot!

(Tom) We are back in business!

So the hair in the plug hole thing isn't me cos I clear it out every time...

... I don't buy washing up powder for the house

because I have my own which I keep in the cupboard...

... and the reason I sometimes turn the heating off

is because the radiator's broken in my room -

it got so hot once I nearly passed out.

Whoa! Slow down, I need to take each of those blows seperately.

Sorry, I can't do this anymore, I feel too bad.

No, honestly, hit me, I really need to feel some pain.

Oh no, not that...

... you and Tom...

... you must feel terrible, I'm sorry.

No, no, it's not your fault.

Trust me, I'd blame you if I could.

Do you reckon you could pass the internet cable please mate?

Yeh, no problem.

Cheers.

Are you cold?

We could try putting the heating on once in a while.

If we spent half as much on heating as we do on weed

it would be like the Sahara in here.

We could grow the stuff ourselves.

Not going to happen mate.

(Sarah) This injury, you know it destroyed him.

It was his dream to play professionally.

I mean what can I do?

I can't just sit there and watch him wallow

watch him smoke away his life.

Do you know Steve?

Not really.

That's probably for the best.

But...

... when I think about not being with him...

... it breaks me up, honestly.

Anyway, what about you Debbie?

What's your relationship status?

Single... to very single.

It's not as easy for me.

Why?

Well... I look at you...

... I look at all the girls in uni...

... they've not got the issues I've got, you know?

Who wants to take all this onboard?

What, so you don't think I've got any problems?

Well no, obviously you're a bit of a bitch.

Seriously, you don't have problems like I do.

What with the eating thing...

... I get depression...

... my back.

Wait... stop...

... you think life's a breeze for me?

Whether attitudes predict behaviour or not

is essentially an argument concerning the toilet spray

which removes 99% of harmful bacteria every time.

Probably shouldn't have put the TV on earlier should I?

What's the biggest font you reckon I can get away with?

I'm on 15 at the moment.

(Tom) 15?

Steve, it will look like the large print edition.

Well what about spacing, right.

I'm on 2.3 at the moment.

Now that .3 gives me an extra page.

I've brought the margins in as well

but it's starting to look a little bit like a newspaper column.

I'm just trying to shoehorn in the word 'hollistic'.

I'll be damned if it doesn't get me an extra grade.

No... no I didn't.

Yeh.

Look...

... I can't imagine what you've been through Debbie,

honestly, it sounds horrific,

but don't think having problems makes you abnormal.

Maybe we're all damaged goods.

What about Tom?

Can he be damage too?

Ok... well...

you're officially free to go to bed now

I think I've made you feel bad enough for one evening.

Thanks. You staying up?

Yeh, kind of gone past the point of tired.

Think I might have a spinning room scenario with all this ginger wine too.

Yeh.

You mind if I...

... you mind if I possibly join you?

Really?

Yeh.

Yeh absolutely. You're more than welcome.

Thanks for that.

Annoyingly good fun.

Just 6 or 7 hours dedicated practice every day

you'll get there.

Sleep well Debbie.

Yeh, you too.

The black's dead man.

Must have been Andy.

Oh ok, there's some life in the colour one...

... but that's not much use to us.

Maybe if we...

Tom man?

I don't want to lose her Steve.

I know.

If she sees you've done the essay though, you know?

Yeh, maybe.

(Alarm clock going off)

(Sound of a key in the door)

(Text message alert)

Can apes use language?

Clearly.

I didn't do either of these.

Really?

They literally microwave everything.

In fact.... watch this.

(Microwave ping)

What?

Sarah...?

Sarah.... Debbie.

Hi Tommy.

You're here...

... I don't understand.

Steve wake up!

Good morning Vietnam!

Come on she's here, Sarah's here... and Debbie.

Oh... hi.

Unfortunatley for you guys

I decided not to walk in by myself today.

Yeh I said you two might actually be worth talking to

so no Vietnam chat Steve.

What time is it?

It's just gone 8.30.

Did you get my message?

We did the essay! We did the essay!

Yeh we saw, we saw, but I've only just turned my phone on.

Right...

Debbie...

... your essay...

... that's it.

Don't worry, I printed it out again this morning just in case.

Sorry again Debbie, about what happened.

It's alright, I've almost forgiven you.

(Steve) Almost?

(Computer game) " SET!"

(Computer game) "GO!"

(Computer game) "Player 2 wins"

That should do it.

(Computer game) "It's a new world record!"

Did you just see that?

It was like something to do with her thumb or something.

Yeh. It was kind of like a flick.

Yeh, I mean I didn't have my glove on like, but...

Are you ever going to do anything about these bin bags?

I mean it would literally take you about 15 seconds to take them outside.

It's not our turn.

Well whose turn is it then?

Andy's.

Subtitles made using 'Subtitle Edit'. An open source program written by...

Nikolaj Lynge Olsson. Many thanks.