All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S05E21.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH_track3_[eng]

♪ Look up there ♪

♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here
you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North ♪

[cheering]

Sorry about the lasagna,
everybody.

The student has not yet
become the master.

It has a really, uh,
distinct flavor.

What is that?

Well, we only had
a little marinara sauce left,

so I rounded it out
with mayonnaise and ketchup.

-Ugh.
-Oh.

Everyone, be nice.
Your dad's still sick.

Wolf's doing the best he can.

-Which is bad!
-Correct!

Keep it down out there,
you guys!

I'm being interviewed
for Busy Phillips' blog.

So, Beef's in phase two
of this... Mariner's Flu?

Yep, delirium.

It lasts about 12 hours,

and then you collapse
into phase three,

which is a long,
near-comatose sleep.

Then, when you wake up,
you're completely better.

What's phase... [sneezes]

-...one?
-Uh, sneezing.

I'm fine.
I just have Mariner's Flu.

It's not like it's Mariner's Flu
or something.

Can you pass
the Mariner's Flu?

Yikes. I'm so glad
I already had this.

[inhaling]

[sneezes]

Ugh, it's okay. I'm fine.

I'm just allergic
to Mariner's Flu.

Okay, so who's the least sick and can give
me a ride to my sleepover at Russell's?

Oh, probably me.
I haven't sneezed yet.

[sneezes] Never mind.

I can take you, but don't tell
my commander. [laughs]

I'm not supposed to leave the house
or use my hot air balloon.

-[humming]
-Okay, so Judy's

-already delirious.
-[sneezes]

I can take you, Moon.
I'm sneeze-free.

Usually I'd walk to Russell's,
but my overnight bag

has 200 packs of Pop Rocks in it
for the sleepover,

and... [chuckles]
...I don't wanna get robbed.

Moon, remember not to fall asleep first
at the slumber party,

or someone will
freeze your drawers.

Wolf still gets me
most nights.

Sleepovers at Russell's
aren't like that.

Russell's my friend, and I love him,
but my God, what a pushover.

At his house, I'm the apex predator,
like a lion.

I get the best sleeping bag, I get to pick
what movies we watch,

I get to pick the pizza toppings
and even the crust depth.

What a dream.

Good luck on your cruise,
Dr. Odyssey.

-Uh, thanks.
-[sneezes]

And enjoy your flu, family.

[Beef] Funny you should ask,
Busy.

As a matter of fact, I do have
a favorite hair conditioner.

[knocking]

Oh, hi, Moon.

Russell's in the basement,
so head on down,

unless you wanna
stay for book club.

Pssh! Reading?

The school bell rang at 2:45,
Mrs. Russell's mom.

I'm off duty.

Oh, hi, Moon.
Do you like sage?

I ask because my mom's boyfriend, Jamie,
made stuffed mushrooms,

and he allowed me
to take three. One for each--

Enough mushroom talk, Russell.
Let's get to it.

For pizza,
I'm thinking we go classic.

Double pepperoni.

For movies, I'm thinking we watch
Six Nights at Teddy's,

the Five Nights at Freddy's
knock-off.

You can see the people
squirting the fake blood.

It's hilarious.

-Okay, well, first--
-And I'm thinking,

once the book club
upstairs is over,

we get a bunch of two-liters
out of the garage,

stick the Pop Rocks
I brought in there,

drink 'em up, and see if we explode
once and for all.

-Well--
-I also saw this internet video

about doing something called
"reverse flushing" your toilet.

-And then--
-Moon!

[chuckles] Before we
get started,

may I introduce you
to my cousin, Rustle.

And there's Waldo.

Moon, it's so pleasant
to finally meet you.

Oh. Hi.

Are you really
also named Russell?

[chuckles] Different spelling.

I spell it like what the autumn leaves do
in a chilly breeze.

He's my brother
from another mother,

who is my mother's sister.

Eee! My two best friends
in the world are here.

I've always wanted you two to meet,
and now it's happening.

-Pinch me!
-[gasps] I would never.

We bruise so easily.

Uh, Russell, can you
grab me a Capri-Sun?

-Oh, surely.
-I shall.

Okay, okay. Same name,
same pushover personality.

[chuckles] Love it. It's basically Russell
and Diet Russell.

Okay, now,

-what were we doing?
-[sneezes]

Oh, right. [sneezes]

-[sneezes]
-Gosh, we're all going down fast.

Thankfully, we don't have
anything to do tonight.

Guys, huge news. There's something
we have to do tonight.

Ugh, damn it.

You know how we set up the digital
order form on our website

for our video production
company, Pause For Applause?

Of course, everyone knows
about our video production company,

our website,
and the digital order form.

Well, we got an order.

Mayor Peppers forgot his niece Becky's
37th birthday,

so he wants us
to make her a funny video.

And he's paying us $500.

[gasps] The exact amount
we need to get the new camera

for our business
that everyone knows about?

Uh-huh. He wants it to be
about a birthday princess,

because princesses are Becky's favorite
and it's her birthday,

and it has
to get done tonight.

But we're all getting so sick.

Nu-uh, I'm feeling fine,
so I'll direct.

And I think everyone can
still follow instructions.

Watch. Judy,
go sit on that chair.

I am Judy.

-I go sit chair now.
-Close enough.

Wolf, if you're as good at making movies
as you are at Italian cooking,

this is gonna be molto bene.

[Moon] All right then,
Russell.

-[both] Yes?
-First order of business.

Let's call dibs
on sleeping bags.

Not that we'll need them, since we always
stay up all night.

Oh, not me.

These little winkers close
every night at 9:30.

Uh. Okay, we'll circle back
to that later.

Now, I'll be dancing
with my usual gal,

the Chunky Smork
deluxe sleep satchel

with the cup holders
and foot warmers.

-[♪ solemn music playing]
-Oh. Okay.

-[sobbing]
-Oh, no! Russell, are you crying?

Did you want
the Smork sack?

Well, you know my blood doesn't go
all the way to my feet

when I'm lying down, because I have
children's gout.

Isn't that what
Henry the Eighth had?

He had big boy gout.

I'll just sleep
on the towel, I guess.

I'll pretend
I'm on the beach.

Moon, maybe we ought to let
Rustle have Chunky?

He is the youngest.

You can have the Mrs. Universe
sleeping bag, and I'll take the towel.

Oh, wow.

Thank you, Russell.

[♪ intriguing music playing]

[softly] Apex predator.

Oh, thank you
for letting me have

the Chunky Smork
sleep satchel, Moon.

My little piggies
are so toasty.

Ugh, sure. But since you got
the bag of your choice,

we can go
my direction on pizza.

[winces] Ooh, pizza's a no-no
for this little lad.

I can't eat tomatoes when they're cooked,
or be in a room with them.

But I'll tell Aunt Marie to add raw ones
to the Caesar salads we get.

And... [grunts]

...I brought enough sugar-free cranberry
juice for all of us to enjoy.

Oh! Dibs on the first sip.
After you guys, of course.

Eh, knock yourselves out.

Now, who's ready to be slightly scared
by Six Nights at Teddy's?

Oh, God. Oh, no, no.

No, no, I can't watch that.

-Why?
-Rustle can't watch horror movies.

He was diagnosed
as medically scared.

Medically scared?

Yes.
And chronically startle-able.

That's why Russell and I usually watch
a selection from Dianne Wiest's oeuvre.

Really, Russell?

Guilty. We're both
total Wiest-hogs.

But Teddy's is just
way more sleepover-y, right?

Mmm, gosh,
I love a lively debate.

Really good points
being made all around.

We are watching Teddy's.

Little Rustle,
maybe hide your eyes.

Sure, sure.

I mean, I did bring matching handmade
Wild Wild Wiest friendship bracelets

for us to wear
while we watched Dianne in real life.

But... [sighs]

...maybe I'll put them
up on eBay.

No, no, I want that bracelet!
We're watching Wiest!

Honeybee, roll camera.

[sneezes] On it.

Oh, good.
Everyone's delirious now.

Press the record button,
Honeybee, on... on the real camera.

And... [sneezes]

...action, Judy.

"Happy, Becky, birthday
from me, Princess Birthday.

"Your favorite uncle,
Mr. Peppers, hopes it's magical."

-Ham, confetti.
-[chomping]

I'm eating it
as fast as I can.

Aunt Dirt,
you totally missed your cue.

I can't believe
I'm not bread.

Ugh, who am I kidding?
This is never gonna work.

Of course it isn't.
Not without a horse.

[chuckles] We do not need
a horse.

Horse auditions begin
in five minutes.

Everyone bring
your best whinny.

[imitates horse whinnying
and sneezes]

-[♪ rock music playing]
-[Ham neighs]

[barking]

[gasps and laughs]

Clippity clop, Clippity clop.

Hey, you get back here!
[grunts]

[Moon groans]

-[sneezes]
-[Honeybee whinnies]

[both humming]

Ah!

[groaning]

What a journey.

Shall we put on
The Odd Life of Timothy Green?

Ugh!

Russell, may I see you in the
washing machine closet for a moment?

I, um, need to ask you
about washing my socks.

Of course.

Rustle, please excuse us.

No bother. I really need
to floss anyway, because I had

-some raisins earlier--
-Yep, yep, yep. Bye.

-[Judy humming]
-Wow. [sneezes]

I guess none of you can play a horse,
but... [sneezes]

...I have a great idea.

And it's definitely not because I am now
also getting sick.

It's because I think this thing can get us
more than 500 bucks.

This film can win an Oscar, but only with
the right person playing the horse.

That's right. [sneezes]

It's time to wake up Daddy!

[snores and gasps]

I'm up, Prime Minister. Just let me press
my suit, and I'll meet you at Panera.

Dad, relax.

You're talking crazy.

We just need you to be a horse in our

Princess Birthday video
for Becky Birthday.

Of course, Pootie.
I only have two questions.

Who is Becky Birthday,
and what is a horse?

Russell, look, I know you need
to be nice to your cousin

'cause he's family,
but he's kind of not great.

Oh, no. I think you might be
confusing him with someone else.

He's definitely great.

I was so excited
for you two to meet.

You both make sleepovers
so fun, so this is double fun for me.

But we aren't getting
to do any of our usual stuff.

We're just doing his stuff.

What?
We're three best friends!

Hanging, joshing,
mixing it up,

all in our favorite place,
my basement.

I think you just need to get to know him.
And he needs to get to know you.

You guys
are actually so similar.

You're always planning
ahead for sleepovers.

In fact, I bet he brought
a bunch of great slumber party ideas

-in his Amusements Journal.
-What? No.

-Uh, wait. No--
-Yoo-hoo, Rustle,

did you happen to bring your journal
of incredible sleepover ideas?

Bien sur.

But we don't need it, because I went ahead
and set up for...

Oh, my God, we're playing
Etymology Trail?

Moon, you are going
to love this game.

It only takes seconds
to learn.

And then
a lifetime to enjoy.

I pick a word,

and then we try to break it down
to its most basic roots.

-[♪ ominous music playing]
-Then we simply look it up

to see who was most right.

I'm all in.

Now, let's get lost in the wonderful
world of words.

Oh, uh, I...
Uh, excuse me.

I just need to step back
in the washing machine closet

to talk to myself real quick.

Enough is enough, Moon.

You lost the Chunky Smork bag,
he made you eat lettuce,

but that's where this ends.

Time to send this kid
packing... somehow,

which I'll figure out soon!

Okay. The first word
is solipsism.

Ooh-hoo-hoo,
he said it!

-[whirring]
-[screams]

-[clings]
-[Rustle panting]

Oh, sorry. My DVD player
pops open randomly.

Wow, you really
are chronically startle-able.

You should really be
more careful, Russell.

We wouldn't want
your medically scared cousin

to get so startled
that he'll wanna go home.

The next word
is trichotillomania. Juicy.

Okay, let's see, let's see.

I believe tricho is Latin--

[gasps and screams]

-Oh, no! Oh, no!
-Rustle! Rustle!

-Oh, God! What's happening?
-Rustle! Rustle. It's okay, Rustle.

I... I think
the power just went out.

Yeah, I'm sure that's it.

Or there's an evil spirit
in the room.

-[thumping]
-[voice shaking] What?

-What the hell?
-[breathing heavily]

-[giggles]
-Rustle.

Rustle, calm down. It's just a menacing
thumping sound.

Yeah. Nothing to be scared of.

And good news,
I always pack a flashlight.

-[Rustle gasps]
-See?

-[♪ menacing music playing]
-We're all good-- Oh, my God!

Is that blood?

[screams]

Oh, no! Oh, no!

-[screaming continues]
-[Russell] Rustle. Rustle. Rustle.

No, it's okay.
Rustle, come back!

Happy Becky, birthday,
from me, Princess Birthday.

Your favorite pepper,
Uncle Mayor, hopes is magic--

-[snoring]
-[imitating cow] Moo.

I started off thinking
this film was just

about getting 500 bucks
for a camera for that business

-everyone remembers.
-Wee!

Then I thought, "Hell,
we're getting an Oscar."

But now I know
we're gonna change the world,

and we're so close,
I can taste it.

But it needs... it needs...
it needs... it needs...

it needs... it needs...
it needs...

Confetti? [munching]

A song.

I know someone
who can help with music.

Who?

Alanis, it's me,
Princess Birthday.

We need your help.

We're shooting a horse video downstairs
and we need a song.

Oh, okay.

But you should know that I currently have
Mariner's Sky Flu.

Oh, no. Are you okay?

Are you kidding me?
I feel so good right now.

Super inspired. [sneezes]

But I actually have a piece I've been
working on that could be perfect.

My band refuses to play it, so I'm looking
for a group that's so daring and so bold

that they can finally bring my
vision to life. Is that you guys?

I mean, we are incredible,

but our song has to be about
Mayor Peppers' niece Becky's birthday,

and it has to be princess-
and horse-themed, so--

Judy... [chuckles]
...the song I wrote

is literally called "The Ballad of Becky's
Princess Horse Birthday."

Uh, I think we can work
with that. [sneezes]

-[screams and thuds]
-[gasps]

Judy, are you...
Are you okay, Judy?

[sighs] Man,
I hope Rustle's okay.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

And if he's too scared
to stay,

well, then we'll just have
to push on without him.

Rustle, what's this I hear about Moon
scaring your cousin?

Moon? What?

No, Moon didn't do anything.

It was probably just
the ghost of our old cat, Pretzels.

I'm pretty sure
he haunts the basement.

He died doing what he loved.

Being down here
when we went out of town.

It wasn't a ghost, Aunt Marie.
I know Moon did it.

What? How would I even--

Oh, please. I was scared
when it happened.

But once my heart rate slowed,

I realized you must have messed
with the circuit breaker,

which made the lights go off.

Then you put your shoe
in the dryer

and set it on a delay.

I... No. What?

And worst of all,
you put Pop Rocks

in my sugar-free
cranberry juice,

causing the bottle to overflow
and creating the fake blood,

which was very scary.

And now it's not sugar-free anymore,
so I can't even enjoy it.

Okay. Yes.
Fine, I did do it,

but I was just
trying to have a little fun.

Classic slumber party stuff.

Well, Russell's cousin Rustle
can't handle that, Moon Tobin.

Do I need to call your dad
to come pick you up?

What? No! It was just a prank, Mom.
No one needs to go home.

[sighs] All right.
But no more pranks.

Can you all promise me that?

-[both] Of course.
-[Marie] Good.

I've gotta get back upstairs.

Dorothy Tuntley's gone
through all of the schnapps,

and now she's eyeing
my cooking wine.

-[door shuts]
-Nice try, Moon.

But I'm always
one step ahead of you.

-Are not.
-Am.

-Are not!
-Am too!

-Are not!
-Am too, you doodie!

Why are you guys fighting?
Your best friends.

-We are not!
-We hate each other!

[gasps] How could you hate each other?
You're both perfect.

You've ruined my whole night.

I had to eat salad
instead of pizza,

and watch a movie about a middle-aged man
going through a divorce

instead of a movie
about evil animatronics

ripping humans' nostrils open and

consuming their brains for
exactly six nights!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not a violent rube
from Pizza Town

who loves cooked tomatoes and going,
"blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"

[shouts] What is happening?

What's happening is that sleepovers
at this house

are supposed to be about you letting me
do whatever I want!

No. Sleepovers at Russell's
are supposed to be

about Russell letting me
do whatever I want.

Wait, so you guys only like
to come over here

'cause you get to do whatever you want
and I go along with it?

No, I... I mean--

Because I thought you guys liked coming
here to hang out with me,

and it didn't matter
what we did.

-Russell, I... I--
-But...

[sobbing] ...I guess
it's kind of the opposite, huh?

-[♪ somber music playing]
-I think I'll just go up to my room,

and you guys can
go nuts down here or whatever.

I... I don't really care.

I guess you can go ahead
and sell this on eBay now.

Offer flat rate shipping.
Just a tip.

[screaming on TV]

[scoffs] How's the movie?

-Scary?
-Eh, it's fine.

How's the encyclopedia?

-Boring?
-Fine.

You know, I really like doing the stuff
I wanna do when I'm here,

but I think I like it a lot more
when I do it with Russell.

Yeah, me too.

Maybe you and I actually
do have something in common.

-Yeah.
-Should we go apologize to it?

Okay, everybody.

My friend Bananas Morissette
is here in our house.

Alanis, any words
before we start?

Okay, you guys, I'm trusting you to bring
my vision to life here.

Now, don't you dare
fudging let me down.

♪ Becky
Today you're 37 ♪

♪ And Becky, girl, you're a little
slice of heaven ♪

♪ They said you shouldn't
love a horse ♪

♪ You nodded along
and said, "Of course" ♪

♪ But back in the barn
when no one was looking ♪

♪ Becky and her horse
really got something cooking-- ♪

[in breaking sing-song voice]
♪ Got something cooking ♪

-Becky. [mumbling]
-Perhaps I picked an inopportune time

to return your toolbox.

Becky!

[all] ♪ Princess Birthday! ♪

♪ She loves her horse
and that's okay! ♪

[neighs] It's wonderful.

I love you, Becky.
Will you marry me?

[all] ♪ Now, she's marrying
her horse ♪

♪ And the whole town's proud ♪

♪ They dance in the streets
And they sing it loud ♪

♪ This is a day
we will never forget ♪

♪ And this song was written completely
by Alanis Morissette ♪

Happy birthday, Becky.

You guys...
freaking nailed that.

[knocking at door]

What's up? Do you guys need
my Hulu password or something?

No. We're here to apologize.

Turns out doing the things
we like to do

isn't that fun
without you there.

You were right. It doesn't matter
what we do at sleepovers.

It's just fun to hang out.

Uh, with you. Specifically.

Sorry. I didn't realize
that sooner.

Yeah, sorry.

And we were thinking, what if you pick
the next activity?

And we'll just
go along with it.

Really? Anything?

Yep. Anything.

[Russell] Wee!

[laughs] This is even more fun
than I ever dreamed.

You do know most people TP
someone else's house, right?

I know, but my mom
said no to that.

As did my dad
and his girlfriend, Jamie.

Besides, we're all gonna have
so much fun cleaning this up tomorrow.

Okay. Now, who's gonna
poop in the bag

and set it on fire
on the porch?

[both] Russell.

What? Are we doing this,
or are we doing this?

[Tobin family snoring]

[Moon] Uh, hey, guys.

-[all mumbling]
-Oh. Welcome home, Moon.

How was Russell's?

A blast, as usual.

You know, Dianne Wiest
actually has incredible range.

-Oh, yeah. She's a chameleon.
-Absolutely.

How's everyone
holding up here?

I feel great.
And opening laptop.

Looks like I did send
the birthday video

that Mayor Peppers requested
for his favorite niece Becky.

Uh, why is it
seven hours long?

I don't know. Pushing play.

[all gasping]

-Oh, good Lord.
-Oh, God, no.

Who are we shaving?

-[♪ cheerful music playing]
-[all mumbling]

-[Beef neighs]
-[all cheering]

Hi, Becky.

[indistinct chatter]

[laughing]

Are you painting me like one of your
French fries yet?

[Ham neighs]

[all grunting]

And now you're invisible.

Yes. Thank you.
I was cold.

-[screaming]
-[Beef neighs]

[sneezes]

[all groaning]

That's a wrap.