Original subtitles

♪ Look up there ♪

♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

-♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North ♪

[cheering]

Sorry about the lasagna, everybody.

The student has not yet become the master.

It has a really, uh, distinct flavor.

What is that?

Well, we only had a little marinara sauce left,

so I rounded it out with mayonnaise and ketchup.

-Ugh. -Oh.

Everyone, be nice. Your dad's still sick.

Wolf's doing the best he can.

-Which is bad! -Correct!

Keep it down out there, you guys!

I'm being interviewed for Busy Phillips' blog.

So, Beef's in phase two of this... Mariner's Flu?

Yep, delirium.

It lasts about 12 hours,

and then you collapse into phase three,

which is a long, near-comatose sleep.

Then, when you wake up, you're completely better.

What's phase... [sneezes]

-...one? -Uh, sneezing.

I'm fine. I just have Mariner's Flu.

It's not like it's Mariner's Flu or something.

Can you pass the Mariner's Flu?

Yikes. I'm so glad I already had this.

[inhaling]

[sneezes]

Ugh, it's okay. I'm fine.

I'm just allergic to Mariner's Flu.

Okay, so who's the least sick and can give me a ride to my sleepover at Russell's?

Oh, probably me. I haven't sneezed yet.

[sneezes] Never mind.

I can take you, but don't tell my commander. [laughs]

I'm not supposed to leave the house or use my hot air balloon.

-[humming] -Okay, so Judy's

-already delirious. -[sneezes]

I can take you, Moon. I'm sneeze-free.

Usually I'd walk to Russell's, but my overnight bag

has 200 packs of Pop Rocks in it for the sleepover,

and... [chuckles] ...I don't wanna get robbed.

Moon, remember not to fall asleep first at the slumber party,

or someone will freeze your drawers.

Wolf still gets me most nights.

Sleepovers at Russell's aren't like that.

Russell's my friend, and I love him, but my God, what a pushover.

At his house, I'm the apex predator, like a lion.

I get the best sleeping bag, I get to pick what movies we watch,

I get to pick the pizza toppings and even the crust depth.

What a dream.

Good luck on your cruise, Dr. Odyssey.

-Uh, thanks. -[sneezes]

And enjoy your flu, family.

[Beef] Funny you should ask, Busy.

As a matter of fact, I do have a favorite hair conditioner.

[knocking]

Oh, hi, Moon.

Russell's in the basement, so head on down,

unless you wanna stay for book club.

Pssh! Reading?

The school bell rang at 2:45, Mrs. Russell's mom.

I'm off duty.

Oh, hi, Moon. Do you like sage?

I ask because my mom's boyfriend, Jamie, made stuffed mushrooms,

and he allowed me to take three. One for each--

Enough mushroom talk, Russell. Let's get to it.

For pizza, I'm thinking we go classic.

Double pepperoni.

For movies, I'm thinking we watch Six Nights at Teddy's,

the Five Nights at Freddy's knock-off.

You can see the people squirting the fake blood.

It's hilarious.

-Okay, well, first-- -And I'm thinking,

once the book club upstairs is over,

we get a bunch of two-liters out of the garage,

stick the Pop Rocks I brought in there,

drink 'em up, and see if we explode once and for all.

-Well-- -I also saw this internet video

about doing something called "reverse flushing" your toilet.

-And then-- -Moon!

[chuckles] Before we get started,

may I introduce you to my cousin, Rustle.

And there's Waldo.

Moon, it's so pleasant to finally meet you.

Oh. Hi.

Are you really also named Russell?

[chuckles] Different spelling.

I spell it like what the autumn leaves do in a chilly breeze.

He's my brother from another mother,

who is my mother's sister.

Eee! My two best friends in the world are here.

I've always wanted you two to meet, and now it's happening.

-Pinch me! -[gasps] I would never.

We bruise so easily.

Uh, Russell, can you grab me a Capri-Sun?

-Oh, surely. -I shall.

Okay, okay. Same name, same pushover personality.

[chuckles] Love it. It's basically Russell and Diet Russell.

Okay, now,

-what were we doing? -[sneezes]

Oh, right. [sneezes]

-[sneezes] -Gosh, we're all going down fast.

Thankfully, we don't have anything to do tonight.

Guys, huge news. There's something we have to do tonight.

Ugh, damn it.

You know how we set up the digital order form on our website

for our video production company, Pause For Applause?

Of course, everyone knows about our video production company,

our website, and the digital order form.

Well, we got an order.

Mayor Peppers forgot his niece Becky's 37th birthday,

so he wants us to make her a funny video.

And he's paying us $500.

[gasps] The exact amount we need to get the new camera

for our business that everyone knows about?

Uh-huh. He wants it to be about a birthday princess,

because princesses are Becky's favorite and it's her birthday,

and it has to get done tonight.

But we're all getting so sick.

Nu-uh, I'm feeling fine, so I'll direct.

And I think everyone can still follow instructions.

Watch. Judy, go sit on that chair.

I am Judy.

-I go sit chair now. -Close enough.

Wolf, if you're as good at making movies as you are at Italian cooking,

this is gonna be molto bene.

[Moon] All right then, Russell.

-[both] Yes? -First order of business.

Let's call dibs on sleeping bags.

Not that we'll need them, since we always stay up all night.

Oh, not me.

These little winkers close every night at 9:30.

Uh. Okay, we'll circle back to that later.

Now, I'll be dancing with my usual gal,

the Chunky Smork deluxe sleep satchel

with the cup holders and foot warmers.

-[♪ solemn music playing] -Oh. Okay.

-[sobbing] -Oh, no! Russell, are you crying?

Did you want the Smork sack?

Well, you know my blood doesn't go all the way to my feet

when I'm lying down, because I have children's gout.

Isn't that what Henry the Eighth had?

He had big boy gout.

I'll just sleep on the towel, I guess.

I'll pretend I'm on the beach.

Moon, maybe we ought to let Rustle have Chunky?

He is the youngest.

You can have the Mrs. Universe sleeping bag, and I'll take the towel.

Oh, wow.

Thank you, Russell.

[♪ intriguing music playing]

[softly] Apex predator.

Oh, thank you for letting me have

the Chunky Smork sleep satchel, Moon.

My little piggies are so toasty.

Ugh, sure. But since you got the bag of your choice,

we can go my direction on pizza.

[winces] Ooh, pizza's a no-no for this little lad.

I can't eat tomatoes when they're cooked, or be in a room with them.

But I'll tell Aunt Marie to add raw ones to the Caesar salads we get.

And... [grunts]

...I brought enough sugar-free cranberry juice for all of us to enjoy.

Oh! Dibs on the first sip. After you guys, of course.

Eh, knock yourselves out.

Now, who's ready to be slightly scared by Six Nights at Teddy's?

Oh, God. Oh, no, no.

No, no, I can't watch that.

-Why? -Rustle can't watch horror movies.

He was diagnosed as medically scared.

Medically scared?

Yes. And chronically startle-able.

That's why Russell and I usually watch a selection from Dianne Wiest's oeuvre.

Really, Russell?

Guilty. We're both total Wiest-hogs.

But Teddy's is just way more sleepover-y, right?

Mmm, gosh, I love a lively debate.

Really good points being made all around.

We are watching Teddy's.

Little Rustle, maybe hide your eyes.

Sure, sure.

I mean, I did bring matching handmade Wild Wild Wiest friendship bracelets

for us to wear while we watched Dianne in real life.

But... [sighs]

...maybe I'll put them up on eBay.

No, no, I want that bracelet! We're watching Wiest!

Honeybee, roll camera.

[sneezes] On it.

Oh, good. Everyone's delirious now.

Press the record button, Honeybee, on... on the real camera.

And... [sneezes]

...action, Judy.

"Happy, Becky, birthday from me, Princess Birthday.

"Your favorite uncle, Mr. Peppers, hopes it's magical."

-Ham, confetti. -[chomping]

I'm eating it as fast as I can.

Aunt Dirt, you totally missed your cue.

I can't believe I'm not bread.

Ugh, who am I kidding? This is never gonna work.

Of course it isn't. Not without a horse.

[chuckles] We do not need a horse.

Horse auditions begin in five minutes.

Everyone bring your best whinny.

[imitates horse whinnying and sneezes]

-[♪ rock music playing] -[Ham neighs]

[barking]

[gasps and laughs]

Clippity clop, Clippity clop.

Hey, you get back here! [grunts]

[Moon groans]

-[sneezes] -[Honeybee whinnies]

[both humming]

Ah!

[groaning]

What a journey.

Shall we put on The Odd Life of Timothy Green?

Ugh!

Russell, may I see you in the washing machine closet for a moment?

I, um, need to ask you about washing my socks.

Of course.

Rustle, please excuse us.

No bother. I really need to floss anyway, because I had

-some raisins earlier-- -Yep, yep, yep. Bye.

-[Judy humming] -Wow. [sneezes]

I guess none of you can play a horse, but... [sneezes]

...I have a great idea.

And it's definitely not because I am now also getting sick.

It's because I think this thing can get us more than 500 bucks.

This film can win an Oscar, but only with the right person playing the horse.

That's right. [sneezes]

It's time to wake up Daddy!

[snores and gasps]

I'm up, Prime Minister. Just let me press my suit, and I'll meet you at Panera.

Dad, relax.

You're talking crazy.

We just need you to be a horse in our

Princess Birthday video for Becky Birthday.

Of course, Pootie. I only have two questions.

Who is Becky Birthday, and what is a horse?

Russell, look, I know you need to be nice to your cousin

'cause he's family, but he's kind of not great.

Oh, no. I think you might be confusing him with someone else.

He's definitely great.

I was so excited for you two to meet.

You both make sleepovers so fun, so this is double fun for me.

But we aren't getting to do any of our usual stuff.

We're just doing his stuff.

What? We're three best friends!

Hanging, joshing, mixing it up,

all in our favorite place, my basement.

I think you just need to get to know him. And he needs to get to know you.

You guys are actually so similar.

You're always planning ahead for sleepovers.

In fact, I bet he brought a bunch of great slumber party ideas

-in his Amusements Journal. -What? No.

-Uh, wait. No-- -Yoo-hoo, Rustle,

did you happen to bring your journal of incredible sleepover ideas?

Bien sur.

But we don't need it, because I went ahead and set up for...

Oh, my God, we're playing Etymology Trail?

Moon, you are going to love this game.

It only takes seconds to learn.

And then a lifetime to enjoy.

I pick a word,

and then we try to break it down to its most basic roots.

-[♪ ominous music playing] -Then we simply look it up

to see who was most right.

I'm all in.

Now, let's get lost in the wonderful world of words.

Oh, uh, I... Uh, excuse me.

I just need to step back in the washing machine closet

to talk to myself real quick.

Enough is enough, Moon.

You lost the Chunky Smork bag, he made you eat lettuce,

but that's where this ends.

Time to send this kid packing... somehow,

which I'll figure out soon!

Okay. The first word is solipsism.

Ooh-hoo-hoo, he said it!

-[whirring] -[screams]

-[clings] -[Rustle panting]

Oh, sorry. My DVD player pops open randomly.

Wow, you really are chronically startle-able.

You should really be more careful, Russell.

We wouldn't want your medically scared cousin

to get so startled that he'll wanna go home.

The next word is trichotillomania. Juicy.

Okay, let's see, let's see.

I believe tricho is Latin--

[gasps and screams]

-Oh, no! Oh, no! -Rustle! Rustle!

-Oh, God! What's happening? -Rustle! Rustle. It's okay, Rustle.

I... I think the power just went out.

Yeah, I'm sure that's it.

Or there's an evil spirit in the room.

-[thumping] -[voice shaking] What?

-What the hell? -[breathing heavily]

-[giggles] -Rustle.

Rustle, calm down. It's just a menacing thumping sound.

Yeah. Nothing to be scared of.

And good news, I always pack a flashlight.

-[Rustle gasps] -See?

-[♪ menacing music playing] -We're all good-- Oh, my God!

Is that blood?

[screams]

Oh, no! Oh, no!

-[screaming continues] -[Russell] Rustle. Rustle. Rustle.

No, it's okay. Rustle, come back!

Happy Becky, birthday, from me, Princess Birthday.

Your favorite pepper, Uncle Mayor, hopes is magic--

-[snoring] -[imitating cow] Moo.

I started off thinking this film was just

about getting 500 bucks for a camera for that business

-everyone remembers. -Wee!

Then I thought, "Hell, we're getting an Oscar."

But now I know we're gonna change the world,

and we're so close, I can taste it.

But it needs... it needs... it needs... it needs...

it needs... it needs... it needs...

Confetti? [munching]

A song.

I know someone who can help with music.

Who?

Alanis, it's me, Princess Birthday.

We need your help.

We're shooting a horse video downstairs and we need a song.

Oh, okay.

But you should know that I currently have Mariner's Sky Flu.

Oh, no. Are you okay?

Are you kidding me? I feel so good right now.

Super inspired. [sneezes]

But I actually have a piece I've been working on that could be perfect.

My band refuses to play it, so I'm looking for a group that's so daring and so bold

that they can finally bring my vision to life. Is that you guys?

I mean, we are incredible,

but our song has to be about Mayor Peppers' niece Becky's birthday,

and it has to be princess- and horse-themed, so--

Judy... [chuckles] ...the song I wrote

is literally called "The Ballad of Becky's Princess Horse Birthday."

Uh, I think we can work with that. [sneezes]

-[screams and thuds] -[gasps]

Judy, are you... Are you okay, Judy?

[sighs] Man, I hope Rustle's okay.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

And if he's too scared to stay,

well, then we'll just have to push on without him.

Rustle, what's this I hear about Moon scaring your cousin?

Moon? What?

No, Moon didn't do anything.

It was probably just the ghost of our old cat, Pretzels.

I'm pretty sure he haunts the basement.

He died doing what he loved.

Being down here when we went out of town.

It wasn't a ghost, Aunt Marie. I know Moon did it.

What? How would I even--

Oh, please. I was scared when it happened.

But once my heart rate slowed,

I realized you must have messed with the circuit breaker,

which made the lights go off.

Then you put your shoe in the dryer

and set it on a delay.

I... No. What?

And worst of all, you put Pop Rocks

in my sugar-free cranberry juice,

causing the bottle to overflow and creating the fake blood,

which was very scary.

And now it's not sugar-free anymore, so I can't even enjoy it.

Okay. Yes. Fine, I did do it,

but I was just trying to have a little fun.

Classic slumber party stuff.

Well, Russell's cousin Rustle can't handle that, Moon Tobin.

Do I need to call your dad to come pick you up?

What? No! It was just a prank, Mom. No one needs to go home.

[sighs] All right. But no more pranks.

Can you all promise me that?

-[both] Of course. -[Marie] Good.

I've gotta get back upstairs.

Dorothy Tuntley's gone through all of the schnapps,

and now she's eyeing my cooking wine.

-[door shuts] -Nice try, Moon.

But I'm always one step ahead of you.

-Are not. -Am.

-Are not! -Am too!

-Are not! -Am too, you doodie!

Why are you guys fighting? Your best friends.

-We are not! -We hate each other!

[gasps] How could you hate each other? You're both perfect.

You've ruined my whole night.

I had to eat salad instead of pizza,

and watch a movie about a middle-aged man going through a divorce

instead of a movie about evil animatronics

ripping humans' nostrils open and

consuming their brains for exactly six nights!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not a violent rube from Pizza Town

who loves cooked tomatoes and going, "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"

[shouts] What is happening?

What's happening is that sleepovers at this house

are supposed to be about you letting me do whatever I want!

No. Sleepovers at Russell's are supposed to be

about Russell letting me do whatever I want.

Wait, so you guys only like to come over here

'cause you get to do whatever you want and I go along with it?

No, I... I mean--

Because I thought you guys liked coming here to hang out with me,

and it didn't matter what we did.

-Russell, I... I-- -But...

[sobbing] ...I guess it's kind of the opposite, huh?

-[♪ somber music playing] -I think I'll just go up to my room,

and you guys can go nuts down here or whatever.

I... I don't really care.

I guess you can go ahead and sell this on eBay now.

Offer flat rate shipping. Just a tip.

[screaming on TV]

[scoffs] How's the movie?

-Scary? -Eh, it's fine.

How's the encyclopedia?

-Boring? -Fine.

You know, I really like doing the stuff I wanna do when I'm here,

but I think I like it a lot more when I do it with Russell.

Yeah, me too.

Maybe you and I actually do have something in common.

-Yeah. -Should we go apologize to it?

Okay, everybody.

My friend Bananas Morissette is here in our house.

Alanis, any words before we start?

Okay, you guys, I'm trusting you to bring my vision to life here.

Now, don't you dare fudging let me down.

♪ Becky Today you're 37 ♪

♪ And Becky, girl, you're a little slice of heaven ♪

♪ They said you shouldn't love a horse ♪

♪ You nodded along and said, "Of course" ♪

♪ But back in the barn when no one was looking ♪

♪ Becky and her horse really got something cooking-- ♪

[in breaking sing-song voice] ♪ Got something cooking ♪

-Becky. [mumbling] -Perhaps I picked an inopportune time

to return your toolbox.

Becky!

[all] ♪ Princess Birthday! ♪

♪ She loves her horse and that's okay! ♪

[neighs] It's wonderful.

I love you, Becky. Will you marry me?

[all] ♪ Now, she's marrying her horse ♪

♪ And the whole town's proud ♪

♪ They dance in the streets And they sing it loud ♪

♪ This is a day we will never forget ♪

♪ And this song was written completely by Alanis Morissette ♪

Happy birthday, Becky.

You guys... freaking nailed that.

[knocking at door]

What's up? Do you guys need my Hulu password or something?

No. We're here to apologize.

Turns out doing the things we like to do

isn't that fun without you there.

You were right. It doesn't matter what we do at sleepovers.

It's just fun to hang out.

Uh, with you. Specifically.

Sorry. I didn't realize that sooner.

Yeah, sorry.

And we were thinking, what if you pick the next activity?

And we'll just go along with it.

Really? Anything?

Yep. Anything.

[Russell] Wee!

[laughs] This is even more fun than I ever dreamed.

You do know most people TP someone else's house, right?

I know, but my mom said no to that.

As did my dad and his girlfriend, Jamie.

Besides, we're all gonna have so much fun cleaning this up tomorrow.

Okay. Now, who's gonna poop in the bag

and set it on fire on the porch?

[both] Russell.

What? Are we doing this, or are we doing this?

[Tobin family snoring]

[Moon] Uh, hey, guys.

-[all mumbling] -Oh. Welcome home, Moon.

How was Russell's?

A blast, as usual.

You know, Dianne Wiest actually has incredible range.

-Oh, yeah. She's a chameleon. -Absolutely.

How's everyone holding up here?

I feel great. And opening laptop.

Looks like I did send the birthday video

that Mayor Peppers requested for his favorite niece Becky.

Uh, why is it seven hours long?

I don't know. Pushing play.

[all gasping]

-Oh, good Lord. -Oh, God, no.

Who are we shaving?

-[♪ cheerful music playing] -[all mumbling]

-[Beef neighs] -[all cheering]

Hi, Becky.

[indistinct chatter]

[laughing]

Are you painting me like one of your French fries yet?

[Ham neighs]

[all grunting]

And now you're invisible.

Yes. Thank you. I was cold.

-[screaming] -[Beef neighs]

[sneezes]

[all groaning]

That's a wrap.