Original subtitles

Jeanne?

Uh, excuse me.

Phone call.

Not now, I really need this sale.

I, I, I know.

I wouldn't bother you, but it's important.

This is the second time, Joey.

This is the second time for shoplifting,

Yeah, and you broke the window of the house-

I didn't do that!

Mr. Cue didn't press charges the first time,

but he's gonna press charges this time defintely.

Does your mother know that you didn't go to school today?

Mom, mom!

I didn't do it!

I don't wanna hear it.

It was Casey and the other guys.

Officer, I'm Jeanne Bosnick.

I know, we've met several times before.

Oh, right, sorry.

If we pick up your son one more time,

he's going to court and that's a definite.

I'm telling you lady,

this kid's getting in a lot of trouble.

All right John Dillinger,

this is the last time I bail you out.

I've have had it, I mean it!

And you're going to pay me back every cent

for that broken window out of your allowance.

It wasn't me, mom!

- Oh, it's never you. - It wasn't!

Joey, you are driving me crazy!

Get in the car!

We are going directly to school.

I am personally going to escort the body over the threshold.

Okay, since the divorce he has had some problems.

Joey has been in nothing but trouble

since the beginning of the semester.

Truancy, fights,

it's getting more serious.

His teachers are worried and so am I.

I've been counseling him for over a year

and he's still not making much progress.

Dr. Fast and I agree

that what Joey needs is a dependable man in his life.

There's an organization called Big Brothers.

Men volunteer to be a friend

to boys who are growing up without a father.

He has a father.

Who barely sees him,

if I recall from your last visit here.

I resent the intrusion into my life.

And where do you think you're going, young man?

We've got to do something.

- Who me? - Yes, you.

Well I thought that I would just-

Just sit down.

Mrs. Farrow wants to see you next.

But I am a good parent, I know that.

But you can't be both mother and father.

You can't.

I've missed a whole day of work on account of this, Joey.

I can't afford that.

Look, we have to face this, Joe.

We have a real problem here.

You mean that stuff with the cops?

Ma, it wasn't my fault.

Oh no, it's never your fault.

You know, you never believe me.

Look, Mrs. Farrow suggests that we get you a big brother.

Do you know what that is?

Yeah, Robbie Dancer had one.

It's like a father.

I don't need a father.

I have a father.

Pardon me for mentioning this,

but when was the last time that your father showed up

when he said he would?

Or wrote or called or anything else?

Ma, he's busy.

He's busier than you are, mom.

He has to interview all those players for his show.

He has to cover all the games and everything.

He's a busy person.

Look, Joey honey,

your father hasn't been around for over a year.

I forget what the man looks like.

Well I haven't!

Ah it was nothing.

Just some steak, broccoli hollandaise,

baked potato, hot fun, salad and milk.

Just a little something I whipped up.

I'm not hungry.

Oh come on, Joey.

You have to be hungry, you didn't eat any dinner.

I'll leave it there, and you can nibble at it later.

Oh,

clean pajamas.

Thanks.

Joe, I'm sorry.

For the crack about your dad.

You watch, he's going to come back to me.

I'm not going to have to live here anymore.

He's just waiting until he can afford it.

Well, in the meantime, it's just you and me.

So we'll just have to take it one day at a time.

Good night.

Is there some reason for the chair between us?

Getting undressed.

Oh,

well, how about a kiss goodnight?

Man to man.

Night.

What else?

What else what?

Does this big brother do?

Oh, well, as I understand it

you would see him once a week, once every other week.

And they have outings

for all the big brothers and little brothers.

And then you can call him whenever you want

and chit chat.

Chit chat?

Oh, give me a break.

Okay, Joey, I'll see you in the morning.

Look,

I'm not all that hot about the idea either,

but you'd at least think about it

since there doesn't happen to be a grownup

of a male persuasion around.

Rollson, roaming to his right,

looking for someone in the end zone,

it's Mike Bosnick,

and he's got it for the touchdown!

Mike Bosnick, one of the finest tight ends in football

has a reputation for being pretty tough.

Here he is on the sideline, catches the ball.

Takes a nasty blow from behind but hands onto the football,

and it's another first down, how about that luck.

In the end zone it's Bosnick again.

All right now, third down and back to throw once again.

Looking and looking to the end zone,

finds nobody then Bosnick comes out of nowhere

with a diving catch.

What a play by Mike Bosnick.

Goes back to throw, fumbles the football,

goes back to get it.

He's looking for anyone, someone down field.

He throws and...

He better be able to play ball.

You know, warm you up for baseball season.

Absolutely, what else?

Got anybody who's got a boat?

Joey.

Just asking.

I don't want anybody with bad breath either.

Joey, don't be a wise guy.

What happens if you don't get along?

Then he'll get you another one, right?

Right.

Joey, could you do me a favor?

Could you draw a picture of yourself for me?

Just a simple sketch of how you think you look.

I stink at drawing.

Do I have to?

There are no grades on it Jo Jo, just something simple.

Pen, Joey.

You realize, Mrs. Bosnick, there may be a wait.

We try to match the big and little brothers

as well as we can,

but sometimes there's just not enough men.

You don't say.

There's one other thing.

This isn't a marriage bureau.

We're only trying to find a grownup male friend for Joey.

Just so happens

that's the last thing on my mind at the moment.

Here, it's not very good, I don't think.

This is great.

You look very small, but your head is so big.

You must be very smart.

Mr, uh...

Joey.

One more thing, Joey.

If you could have three wishes, what would they be?

Take your time, think about it.

Write 'em down.

How long of a wait do you think it'll be?

It's really hard to tell, one week to six months.

There just might be someone who will work out.

We'll take whatever you got.

Finished.

I wish.

I wish I was strong and powerful like Luke in "Star Wars."

And I wish I could fly,

and I wish I were happier more of the time.

I don't know, you think I can offer them a piece of fruit?

Uh, I don't know what protocol is.

Feels like a blind date.

I don't think I can stand the tension.

Speaking of tensions,

try hanging upside down like I told you.

Only bats do that.

He's not coming, I know it.

Probably showed that picture I drew of myself

and decided to forget whole thing.

I always told you I didn't need a big brother

in the first place. - Eat a banana.

He just ate an apple, leave him alone.

Mrs. Bosnick, I presume?

No, I'm Sunday, the friend.

Well if it was Tuesday it must be Belgium.

Arnie Potts.

Jeanne Bosnick.

What do you know, what do you say, hey!

How do you do, Mr. Potts?

Um, this is my son, Joey.

Well, well, well, here we are.

Together at last, my little kumquat.

Glad to make your acquaintanceship.

Tow headed little tyke, isn't he?

Hot today.

Isn't it?

A little rusty.

Hey, great!

My dad taught me that.

Gave me this ball, too.

Run out for a bomb.

Run out over there and I'll throw you a bomb.

Hey, nice catch.

Come on, let's go to the ball field.

Hit me some grounders.

I was never too good at sports.

I used to think the St. Louis Cardinals

were appointed by the Pope.

That was a joke, kid.

Yeah, I got it.

I'm in sixth grade.

You know if you hold in a laugh, it turns into gas.

Where are you from?

Around here, brought up around here.

Moved around a lot then I moved back.

You like the sixth grade?

It stinks.

What don't you like about it?

None of your business.

You have a job or something?

Yeah, I own a nightclub.

I'm bored.

You married?

Divorced, a long time ago.

Hey, I'll hit it to you this time, come on.

You're not no good.

What are we going to do if you're my big brother?

Oh, I'll be like a friend.

You know, we'll do stuff together.

I don't need a father.

I already have one.

That's not my job.

Just be like friends.

Mom!

Oh, hi.

- Hi. - Hello.

Well, how'd it go?

Fine.

No hits, 12 errors.

No stones left unturned.

You know how tired I am?

No, how tired are you?

Well, as we were walking to the house,

I felt something banging against my heels.

I turn around and see what it was, it was my behind.

Joey.

Well...

Well?

You're a great kid, Joey, I had a terrific time.

It was okay.

Next week, same time, same station, huh?

Oh, we'll have to let you know about that.

We have to talk to Morris first

before we make that decision.

Oh yeah, yeah of course, the rules, yeah.

Hey, thanks for the workout Joey.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

Well?

What?

Where'd you go?

What'd you do?

What'd he say, what's he like?

Is he what you'd call the affectionate type?

Mom, come on, give me a break.

He cracks jokes that are even worse than yours.

I don't think it's going to work.

He's not what we had in mind.

What do you mean?

I mean the man owns a nightclub.

He's one step away from a gypsy.

Showgirl, booze, drugs.

You know what I mean?

I don't think that's good for Joey.

Jeanne, we screen all our applicants scrupulously,

besides Arnie's a good friend of mine.

I've known him for years.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Well, he doesn't play sports.

That's all Joey cares about.

If you don't know who leads the NFL at interceptions

you're a moron as far as he's concerned.

Joey said he liked him.

I can't believe that.

Well he didn't dislike him and Arnie wants a match too.

They have nothing in common.

Look, I'll be honest with you.

I had to talk Arnie into being a big brother.

And I was lucky to get him for Joey

because it's a rare guy who will take a kid

who's getting into trouble.

Now, if you want to pass on Arnie

and wait for a new match, you're welcome to,

but it could take months.

That's a lot more kids than there are big brothers.

I don't have months.

Trust me on this, Jeanne.

I work a lot on intuition around here.

Something tells me it's going to be fine.

Right.

The whole world knows what's right for my kid.

I don't know what else to do.

All right.

We'll give it a try.

But I'm still not convinced

that he's the right one for Joey.

I've seen it nine times.

What'd you think?

Oh, it's fantastic.

The way they make movies now,

you know it reminds me of the old Errol Flynn,

Burt Lancaster movies I used to see.

I can't believe you haven't seen "Star Wars" before.

You must be the only person in North America

who didn't see it the first time it came out.

I haven't been to a Saturday matinee in,

I can't remember how long.

The Crimson Pirate, that was one of my favorites.

They used to call them swashbucklers.

I couldn't figure out what was the squash

and how you could buckle one either.

It was a joke.

Yeah, I got it.

Wasn't very funny.

You hungry?

- Kind of. - Ah come on.

We'll go to my club, I'll make you lunch.

I want French fries.

All right, I'll make you French fries.

You can make French fries?

Sure.

Men don't cook.

Sometimes we hire performers

but mostly it's a place

where people come to try out their acts.

We have comedy nights, musical nights, amateur nights.

This is it, what do you think?

It's kind of creepy.

Why is it so dark?

And the critics said, "Let there be light!"

Hey, you must be Joey.

Hi.

This is Cahuenga.

Mother Superior, den mother, mother hen.

Dispenser of the libations, bartender,

critic, partner and friend.

This is Joey, Joey Bosnick.

Bosnick?

Are you by any chance related to Mike Bosnick?

Used to play tight end for the Patriots?

- He's my dad. - You're kidding?

Boy he had some hands.

We just gotta make lunch.

Joey, the kitchen's over there.

I'll be right there.

What is a tight end?

Men don't cook.

Men don't cook, then men don't eat.

Now put this in there and press down on it.

Come on.

That's it.

Again.

Done this before?

What?

Been a big brother?

No.

Pass the mustard please.

Why did you decide to?

Well, I woke up one morning

and I realized I didn't have any friends your age.

And I missed that.

Why'd you choose me?

'Cause of what you wrote on your application.

Your three wishes.

I always wanted to be able to fly, too.

Hey, how would you like to learn

something funny about sports?

It's about the only sports thing I know.

It's an old routine called Who's on First.

You see, I tell you I own a baseball team.

You ask me who the players are, okay?

I own a baseball team.

Okay, go ahead, ask me who the players are.

That's weird.

Okay, who are the players?

Well, Who's on first,

What's on second, and I Don't Know is on third.

But what are the player's names?

I just told you.

Told me what?

He's on second.

Who's on second?

No, Who's on first.

Mom, what time is it?

One minute since the last time you asked me.

10:25?

Correct a mundo.

Now the $64,000 question.

He's not coming.

He's not coming, I knew it!

Joey, just be patient a little longer, honey.

He'll be here!

Hey, Joey, Joey, wait!

Mrs. Bosnick, I'm sorry I'm late.

I couldn't get this old clunker started.

You know, generator, solenoid or something.

They fixed it.

I'd get rid of old Fred, but he's like a friend to me.

Where's Joey going, we had a date.

He's upset.

Went for a ride to cool off.

He'll be back.

You know you could've called and let us know.

Joey was very worried.

I should've, I'm sorry.

He looks pretty angry.

I don't blame him, do you?

Not at all.

Those are nice tomato plants you're planting there.

My father used to plant the Italian kind.

You know the plum-

He can't take disappointment.

He's had plenty of that, more than enough.

Anybody I know?

It's not something to joke about.

His father used to do this to him all the time,

make plans and then cancel it the last minute.

Forgotten birthdays, Christmases, you name it,

he's done it.

You know, Joey may need a man in his life,

but not just any man will do.

I won't have him hurt anymore.

Do you understand me?

Hey Joey, come on, I said I was sorry.

It won't happen again.

You don't have to take it out on my car.

Why not?

Just an old piece of junk.

May be, but it's my junk.

So watch how you treat it, huh?

Vikings, is that the name of your dad's team?

That's the name of my football team.

You know you really are dumb.

I can't help it.

When I was a kid a sink fell on my head

and that would be a terrible drain on anyone.

They get funnier later on.

I doubt it.

I'd like to come and see your team play sometime, huh?

Speaking of school,

you notice how I cleverly worked that into the conversation?

Have you been going?

Who told you I wasn't?

Mom and Morris, come on, toss me one.

I feel lucky today.

Come on.

What's your best subject?

Recess and lunch.

Hey, pretty good kid.

What's your worst subject?

Everything else.

Let's go get an ice cream.

Napkin?

You're welcome.

Well, listen, maybe I could help you

with your schoolwork sometimes.

You know, I read a lot of books when I was a kid.

And as a matter of fact, I still read a lot.

Maybe I could help you with your math.

I'm pretty good at math.

How's about, I teach you some more

of the Who's on First routine.

Go ahead and ask me player's names, go ahead.

Ask the player's names, go ahead.

♪ Couldn't get over the thought ♪

♪ Of losing you ♪

♪ Hey but now ♪

♪ My wounds are healed ♪

♪ No one's ever gonna hurt me again ♪

The whole thing is no bargain.

The kid and his mother can be a pain in the butt sometimes.

So who said it's supposed to be easy?

You're the one running around saying

you're missing something from your life,

that all you had is your work.

Your life needed meaning.

Yeah, I know, I know.

The only time my mouth is shut is when I'm changing feet.

Arnie, you are 44 years old.

You say your life is passing you by.

The minute things start getting a little rough

you start whining, like a kid Joey's age.

Geez, that guy stinks.

What are you going to do about the kid?

You going to dump him?

Listen to that round of indifference.

You know, your book report is due Monday.

You can't write the book report♪till you finish the book,

and we're not going anywhere until you do.

I don't like this book.

It's too hard.

Call of the Wild?

It's a great book, Jack London.

One of my favorite authors.

How could you not like that book?

What's it about?

About this dog.

And?

You know I had a dog once.

It died, too.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Now what about the book?

Why should I read it?

One, because it's a great book,

two, because you learn something,

three, because if you don't, you're gonna flunk.

You're gonna be left back.

You'll be the oldest sixth grader in history.

You'll have a shaving kit in your desk.

Why are you always picking on me?

I'm not picking on you.

I'm telling you the truth.

- You're my big brother. - Yeah?

- You have to be my friend! - But just a second,

I don't have to do anything, it's because I wanna do it.

You can't just leave, Arnie.

Get it through your head, kid.

I don't really care, okay?

You are not gonna scare me off.

You're not and I am not quitting.

I am not quitting!

I am not quitting!

I am not quitting!

Go, okay, just go!

Just leave, Arnie!

I am not quitting.

I am not quitting, I am not quitting.

Joey, what's all the commotion about?

Where'd Arnie go?

He left.

I can see that, why?

I don't know.

Homemade Toll House cookies

always makes everything seem better.

Yes, hello?

Yeah.

Just a minute, Joey?

Hello?

Hi.

Finish being angry?

Yeah, you?

Yeah.

Still wanna go out?

Yeah.

You?

Think you can finish that book in an hour?

I'll pick you up, okay?

All right.

All right, bye.

Where are you going?

You can't write a book report til you finish the book.

Enough time thinking, how about it?

- Nope. - Honey, come with us.

Think about it some more.

No.

Last time you fixed me up with the date,

the guy spent the entire evening

telling me what a witch his ex wife was.

One time before that

I wound up in a wrestling match on a sofa.

This guy's in my yoga class.

He's really all right.

His name is Bob, as in Redford.

I don't have the time.

Oh, not interested.

You're gonna die an old maid.

If I didn't know better I'd swear

you were still hung up on your ex.

Well, you don't know any better.

I like this.

Kind of like a Giacometti

That looks like grandma!

Oh, look at that!

Don't get up on that, honey.

I'm glad you brought April.

I used to drag Joey with me everywhere.

You never know.

Something might rub off on them

just by being exposed to things.

How is Joey?

All I hear from that kid is my big brother this

and Arnie that.

They really seem to be hitting it off.

Yeah, I guess so.

How's school?

Is that better?

Well he's going at least.

I haven't had a call from the school in over a month,

and he doesn't get nauseous anymore

when you say the word arithmetic.

That man must really be something.

Enough say Arnie, okay?

I can get plenty of that at home.

I don't understand.

I used every trick in the book

to get that kid to do his homework.

Now, all of a sudden he cracks the books

with only a minor skirmish.

I don't get it.

All right, It says here, Atlanta won 12 and lost eight.

Out of a 20 game total.

They won 12 out of 20.

So what's their percentage, and how do you figure it?

Divide? Correct!

Give that man a cigar.

Now what do you divide into what?

You work on that.

What's DB stand for?

At bat!

Just asking, just asking.

Unbelievable.

Arnie, are you good at video games?

Look at these.

I'm better at pinball.

How about this one?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Go ahead, it's on me, go ahead.

Look at that score.

You're a pinball wizard!

Yeah, I haven't played these machines in years!

I guess the body remembers, huh?

You know, it's the only sport

I was really ever any good at.

See I was a fat kid,

and I could never learn how to play ball.

My father tried to teach me once, just once.

What a disaster.

You think I'm bad now,

you should have seen me then.

My friends would choose up teams, they wouldn't pick me.

So I'd take my bike and I'd drive it down to penny arcade,

play the pinball machines for hours.

I don't think the old man ever missed me.

Then when I was on a road

with this comedian, Harry Roma, for all those years

he'd finish his last show in the wee hours of the morning.

And I'd finish checking the books,

and we'd have nothing to do, you know.

We couldn't go to sleep.

I mean just getting off work you were wired.

So we'd wander into a bar,

and I'd find one of these machines

and start pumping in the quarters.

Harry would start pumping in the booze

til he'd get so drunk I had to carry him home.

The machines and me.

We go way back.

Hey mom, what's for dinner?

What a wonderful greeting, kid.

How was the game?

Finally we won.

Oh good!

I worked hard, only two doubles.

Pirtrowski didn't drop an easy fly ball.

And you?

Just a little old home run.

Joey, that's terrific!

Oh I wish I'd seen it!

Hey, high five!

Oh well in that case,

the entire Bosnick has had a fabulous week

because your mother, your very own mother

sold two, count them two, cars today!

Yeah!

- All right, mom! - Best week ever.

No more of that.

Arnie came to the game today.

Oh?

He asked me if I could spend one night

over at his house this weekend.

You know we're gonna paint the patio and stuff.

Well, I thought that we'd get together this weekend

and celebrate my big week.

I thought we'd go somewhere with Sunday and her kids.

April and June?

That's four girls and me, mom.

It's a lucky thing they weren't born in October.

Ba dum dum.

You know you're jokes getting as bad as his.

Arnie wants me to paint the patio with him.

I heard you the first time.

Look, you saw him today,

and you're going to see him again Saturday.

Enough is enough now, don't overdo it.

Mom, it's just one night.

I'll even have him bring me back Sunday.

I'll even go to church with you.

What do you say?

Ma, you're the one who always says

you don't have enough time to yourself.

Here it is, here's some time.

Please?

With a smooch-a-rooni on top.

You look so pretty today.

All right, all right, Michelangelo,

let's go, let's get back to work.

Hey Joey, where are you?

Joey?

Ah, I wonder where that kid went?

I'll just take these rags here

and throw 'em against the wall.

All right, sonny.

Come out with your hands up.

'Cause your own father told me

you can't get away with this.

Son of a...

Now when you get your hands on it

I want you to pull it in.

This way if somebody tackles you-

What, what even tackle, who's tackling us?

Nobody's tackling anybody.

There will be no tackling here.

No tackling.

Oh, what a knock out.

Hey, not bad, huh?

And you say, tell me what, but you gotta make faces.

Wanna try it?

- Okay. - Go.

Will you be so kind as to tell me

some of the player's names?

Already did, but I'd be happy to tell you again.

Who's on first, What's on second,

I Don't Know's on third.

Who's on...

Well if you don't know, who does?

Certainly I do, I just told you.

You told me what?

He's on second.

Who's on second?

No, Who's on first.

Great!

Have some cheese.

Have some more cheese.

Okay kid, time for bed.

Do I have to, it's so early.

All right, you're off of your eyes

you get to bed or I'll break your face.

Come on you dirty rat, come on, come on.

Who's that?

Larry Rollin, I told you about him.

Is that the guy you played pinball with?

Mm-hmm.

Why's he dressed like that?

Hey, what are they teaching you in school these days?

Harry Roman is last of the great old vaudeville comics.

I worked with that man for 15 years.

Was he your partner?

I was his manager.

I took care of everything on the road.

Brush your teeth.

Make lots of money?

What are you, a credit application, huh?

No, didn't make much.

The laughs,

I tell you we had plenty of laughs, that's for sure.

Harry was like a,

like a father to me.

Is he dead?

Not exactly.

He's in New York, he's in a big Broadway show.

Harry got rediscovered.

He's on top of the world.

Still take care of things for him?

No, he's got somebody new.

Harry's big time now.

Well, listen up you midget.

Way past your bedtime.

Your mother's going to have my head

if I bring you home tired so let's hop in there, come on.

That a boy.

Don't forget to leave on a light.

Good night.

Hey Joey, you know what?

I love you a lot.

Oh Joey, Joey, Joey

this is terrific!

I feel a squeeze attack coming on.

Squeeze attack. - No mom, please don't.

Please mom!

No don't, don't, please mom!

Someone's probably looking, someone's probably looking!

Okay, okay,

God forbid they should think I love my own son.

Ah Joey, I'm so happy!

Sunday, look,

Look, look at all those B's!

Wow, that's some report card.

You must be proud.

He rode all the way over here to show it to me.

I got to go.

I'm going to show it to Arnie, okay?

Oh mom, that's the other thing.

Can I go to Lake Bristol?

Now?

On your bike?

Oh be serious, mom.

There's a big weekend planned

for all the big and little brothers.

We're gonna go camping and fishing and stuff.

You'll be gone all weekend?

Just two days and two nights.

Well can I go?

You know I like camping.

It's just for the guys.

Nobody's bringing their moms.

I gotta go show this to Arnie, okay?

Bye.

The front door creaked open.

The boy ran upstairs, behind him he heard,

"Who stole my golden arm?"

The boy ran to his room and shut the door.

In the hallway he said, "Who stole my golden arm?"

The boy piled his furniture up against the door.

The doorknob turned.

The voice droned on, louder, angrier.

"Who stole my golden arm?"

You did!

Hello?

Oh yes doctor, this is she.

The culture's positive.

How long in bed does that mean?

Hm.

Oh yeah, Pastor's Drugs.

Oh, wait a minute,

I think I might have that number right here, just a minute.

Yeah, 555-2137.

Um, doctor, could you have them deliver that please?

Thank you very much.

Okay, bye bye.

Hi.

Oh no!

Oh Arnie, I'm sorry.

About what?

- We forgot. - Forgot what?

I can't believe we forgot.

Oh I feel terrible.

I should have called to cancel.

Joey's sick.

- Oh! - Oh, come on in anyway.

Look, he feels just terrible,

he can hardly swallow, but come on in.

I'm sure he'd like to see you.

Oh yeah.

- Please. - That's all right.

Hot.

Arnie, I'm so sorry I forgot to call you.

Would you like a drink or something?

Apple juice, got any apple juice?

Bottles and bottles.

Come on in the kitchen.

Oh something smells terrific.

What are you cooking?

Chicken Cacciatore.

Joey's favorite.

I can never remember whether it's feed a fever

and starve a cold, or the other way around.

So whenever I'm in doubt, I usually feed whatever it is.

You ever use a fresh rosemary or a fresh basil?

Always.

Right, well you know I'm not a whiz in the kitchen,

maybe I can help you fix Joey's dinner.

I'm sure he's gonna be waking up soon, he'll be famished.

Thank you.

Well that's very thoughtful of you,

but he's used to the way I make it.

Right.

I mean I would, one thing I'm not is a usurper.

That's one thing I don't do.

Usurp.

Would you get the salt, please?

Notice, not much.

That's all, that's all.

Then you take a little Parmesan cheese, you see.

Like this.

Over the top.

There you are.

He's still sleeping.

Aw, poor kid.

I hate to have to say this.

This is terrific.

What did you do to it?

Secrets of the boarding house.

I was taught by the book.

You know everything I learned,

I learned at boarding houses all across the country.

Like what?

Well like recipes,

like routines,

like manners.

You know like never drop your shoe too loud on the floor

so the land lady downstairs

doesn't bang the ceiling with the broom?

I mean essentials like that.

I'm really glad you got Joey to read Jack London.

Oh yeah, he was my favorite when I was a kid.

I loved Jane Austin.

Great tennis player.

She wrote Pride and Prejudice.

Jeanne?

I know that.

Oh.

Arnie, I am sorry I've been such a stick.

I'll have to admit it.

I'm envious of you.

There, I said it and I'm glad.

You see, my son is everything to me.

All I have is Joey.

All?

At the moment.

Oh yeah, of course.

Anyway, I just didn't want you to take it personally.

I mean he really loves you.

And, well, he's my buddy too, you know.

Tasty.

Chicken.

That's what I thought.

Okay, Jeanne.

All right, okay?

Jeanne, I better go.

I really better go, okay?

Oh, fancy meeting you here. Is that seat taken?

Excuse me, excuse me.

Joey's gonna be up at bat next inning.

All right, Kevin, right in there now.

Come on Joey!

Yeah, Joey!

That a boy!

That's all right.

Few down the more runs, let's go!

Oh it's all right, don't worry about it, it's okay.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Come on Joey!

Go for third, go for third, go for third!

Yay, Joey!

Everyone, great great game guys.

Hey terrific!

Joey!

Hey slugger!

Honey, that stop and that throw to first was fantastic!

I guess all my hard work paid off, huh?

Oh what a kick!

Oh!

I promise you, take it out of Joey's diet

and you'll have a total personality change.

Try it.

Oh you better get back to the phones.

Here comes a live one.

Uh, good afternoon.

As I live and breathe, is this where you work?

- Arnie. - A car, I need a car.

Old Fred's never going to make it through the summer.

You got any cars?

So show me a car.

Blue, I want a blue car with blue velvet insides.

Uh, yes sir.

I think there is one on the lot.

Good, we'll take it for a test drive.

We can talk.

Talk?

About what? - About cars, what else?

You see that house over there?

The one with the swing on the porch?

That's where I grew up, I live there.

- Who lives there with you? - Nobody.

Ah, my parents passed away a few years ago,

and they left me the house,

and that's why I went back.

Is there some reason we're taking this guided tour?

Well I just thought you

might wanna see the place where I take Joey.

That's it.

It's really lovely.

Sit down?

Oh, sure.

Must be nice to live in the house where you grew up.

We always lived in three rented rooms.

Must have been crowded.

No, it was just my mother and my little sister and me.

My father went to the store one day when I was about five.

He never came back.

So it was just Molly and me and baby makes three

♪ We're living in blue heaven ♪

That's nice.

You know, it just so happens my mother's real name

was Molly. - Is that right?

Arnie, we really ought to get back.

You know, that's some great car out there.

I'd like to see what it does on the highway though.

Hey.

Okay.

You know you got a nice voice.

Thank you.

I wanted to be a singer.

And?

And nothing.

I got married and that was the end of that.

What, Bosnick wouldn't let you have a career?

Bosnick was a full time career.

It was like having two little kids instead of one.

Then when he left it was too late.

Oh, it's never too late for anything.

Say you like provolone, huh?

I got prosciutto, and french bread,

and black olives, Greek olives, you know?

And I got some sardines in here.

You better buy this car, I'm not kidding.

My boss is gonna- - You gotta have lunch.

You might as well have lunch with me.

It must have been tough with no dad around, huh?

Very.

My boss is gonna call out the militia.

My father was there, but he might as well not have been.

Why?

He never talked much.

I mean, I used to tell jokes,

and stand on my head and never get a rise out of him.

Come to think of it, nobody laughed at my jokes.

Not even my own wife.

Joey said you were married.

What happened?

I was on the road a lot.

She took off, disappeared one day.

Hasn't been obscene since.

And when Harry left, I began to feel like an exit door.

You glad to see me?

I don't know.

Look Arnie, thanks a lot for lunch,

but we absolutely have to get back now.

You know, I'm not too sure about that car back there.

I saw a red one.

I'd like to test it tomorrow.

Arnie.

- Just asking, I mean- - Arnie!

- I got a lot of cash - This is not a joke.

- In my pocket here. - I have to make a living.

Mom, mom come on, I can't hook my tie!

Hurry up!

Louder, they can't hear you in Philadelphia.

Mom, my tie, I can't hook it!

All right, all right, all right, relax.

You'd think you were giving a command performance

befor the queen.

It's just a little act in a little club.

It's not a little club.

It seats 100 maybe.

All right.

Listen, I know you're nervous.

Okay, that's good.

Now come on, you don't even have your face on yet.

Arnie said to be there at 7:30.

Hurry up, please.

Yes sir.

Hurry!

Hey look mom.

Ah, special surprise guest.

- Hello Jeanne. - Oh hi.

Hey Joey, how are you?

Got your lines down pat?

You're not nervous are you, huh?

You're going to be a smash, smashing,

just a little late so you better hustle yourself

backstage and change, okay, come on, let's go.

- See you later mom. - Bye.

Oh Joey, your clothes.

Don't let anybody see you taping the act.

I won't, I promise.

Bye, good luck!

Hi. - Hi.

Oh Cahuenga, this is Jeannie Bosnick, Joey's mother.

Jeanne, this is my partner, Cahuenga, bye!

See you later.

Hi again.

That's some kid you got there.

Yeah.

They whole family's made quite an impression on the boss.

Oh?

Well, showtime.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a little surprise for you.

Yours truly has been breaking in a new partner.

And we'd like to take this opportunity

to try out a new act on you.

I know you're going to love him.

Because I certainly do.

So let's have a big hand for Joey Bosnick!

So you're the coach of the championship team?

That's right.

What can I do for you?

I'm the new rookie.

And I'd like to know some of the player's names.

Well, Who's on first.

What's on second.

I Don't Know is on third.

Well suppose I get up to bat.

I hit a bunt and the bunt goes to the pitcher.

Pitcher's going to pick it up and throw it to who?

That's right, to Who.

That's what I wanna know.

He's gotta throw to someone.

But to who?

That's right.

What's right?

What's on second.

Who's on second?

No, Who's on first.

I don't know?

He's our third baseman.

Well suppose I hit to center field.

Why catches the ball, he throws it to Who,

Who throws to I Don't Know,

and I don't give a darn!

What'd you say?

I don't give a darn.

He's the shortstop.

Oh nuts!

He's the umpire.

The heck with you, I'm taking up football!

Goodbye.

Now ladies and gentlemen,

before I take my partner and put him into bed

I'd like you to just stay where you are.

Because our next act will just captivate you.

Let's have a big hand for Margo Rose.

Good evening.

Joey, Joey you were terrific!

That was fantastic fantastic.

Okay, I gotta go.

Take care. - Bye bye Morris.

Oh sweetheart.

Was it good, was it good?

Kid, you were terrific!

You were great, you were a regular pro.

I was so nervous out there,

I thought I was going to pass out.

So, what do you think, huh?

My sides hurt from laughing.

Oh you guys were incredible!

Joey, I'm so proud of you.

Arnie, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Oh I had such a good time.

Oh we were having a ball up there.

Were you?

♪ A turn to the right ♪

♪ A little white lie ♪

♪ Will lead to my blue heaven ♪

♪ You'll see a smiley face ♪

♪ A fireplace ♪ - What are you supposed to be?

I must look ridiculous.

You sure do.

Well, I feel good.

What are you making?

It's Arnie's birthday.

I thought when he comes to pick you up

we'd have birthday cake.

Didn't you do enough last night?

Don't you think you did enough?

What are you talking about?

Arnie's my friend.

You know what I mean.

You're playing with my friend.

Of course he's your friend.

No he's not, he's not anymore.

He's supposed to be for me.

You broke the rules.

Everybody's always telling me to stick to the rules.

Oh honey look, the last thing in the world I want-

It doesn't matter what you want.

Arnie comes here to see me

and do stuff with me and you ruined it!

Well you want Arnie and me to be friends, don't you?

I mean you don't want us to be enemies?

I don't want to talk about it.

I saw the way you hugged him.

Why don't you just go get your own boyfriend

and leave me and Arnie alone?

You know everything was going great until,

until you ruined it, mom.

You really ruined it.

What a nice surprise.

What are you doing here?

It's about the rules, Morris.

That's what they're telling me.

Morris, wait a minute.

You serious?

He really told you in was involved with Jeanne?

Well are you?

Terrific, you really are stupid.

I thought you were my friend.

Do you have any idea how much trouble you're causing me?

I spelled out the rules at the beginning, Arnie.

There are a million women out there.

Even for you.

You don't betray a kid

by getting involved with his mother.

- Jeanne and I- - The way Joey sees it,

he's being betrayed all over again.

He thinks you're choosing someone else over him.

Morris, Morris, I would never do that.

I would never do that. - Well he thinks you did!

So, what are you gonna do about the situation?

It seems pretty simple to me.

If you want to keep being Joy's big brother,

stop seeing Jeanne.

That's it in a nutshell.

Oh my poor Joey.

Morris says he's really upset.

Morris is pretty upset with me, too.

I worked so hard to get Joey to trust me.

The one time I let myself feel something.

What?

I finally let my guard down.

Joey gets hurt.

I told Mr. Sanford that this was a hot prospect.

So I suggest that you sort of wander saunteringly around.

He keeps looking out the window.

I'll check and see what color that comes in.

Blue four door sedan ready for pick up.

License number HJ four, seven, three.

I never really thought it could work, anyway.

That kid is the best.

Can't hurt him.

I know, I know.

We're both being selfish.

I don't wanna stop seeing you either.

But Morris says-

Please, don't tell me.

I knew it.

My horoscope was the pits today.

Frankly, I was expecting a tornado.

I don't know what to do.

By the way, you happen to know what it said about Pisces?

Can I call you tomorrow?

We can talk some more.

Do me a favor.

Don't call.

Okay,

call.

Call.

Customer waiting in the showroom.

Customer waiting.

Where have you been?

Around.

Joey, did you go to school today?

For a little while.

Then what?

Just running around.

Joey, you were supposed to be home hours ago.

I was very worried.

Look, can we talk?

Nothing to talk about.

Well then

how about I talk to you?

It's a free country.

Kids still say that?

I used to say that to my mother.

Look, what do you want?

Ah Joey, I never pretended to be perfect.

Sit down.

Look, it's been you and me against the world

since your dad left.

It hasn't been easy

being both mother and father to you.

I was jealous of Arnie.

I was afraid he was going to take you away from me.

Then he made me laugh.

I don't know.

I didn't feel so lonely.

Arnie was supposed to be for me.

Everybody leaves.

You pushed my dad out, made him go away.

Now you're going to steal Arnie away from me.

And he's going to go away, too.

There's not going to be anybody else left.

I'll be left.

So what?

Just so what?

It's not the same.

Spread your butter before it gets cold.

Hello?

Oh well, long time, no see.

When?

Of course he's here.

Well, just check with me first, okay,

to make sure I don't have any plans that conflict.

Thank you.

Just a minute.

Joey, it's your dad.

Hi dad!

How are you?

I'm fine.

Good.

When?

Sunday, all right that's great, dad!

Really?

You'll see how much I've improved.

Okay.

Well see you then.

Okay, bye, bye.

What time Sunday?

Before or after church?

I asked him to check with me

to make sure it would be convenient.

He didn't say but anytime convenient.

Do you know that he got an interview

right here in this city? - For what?

For a job!

I love you, bye.

Here?

He says I drove his father away

And now I'm taking you away, too.

He feels abandoned.

All my fault.

What am I going to do about Joey?

What am I going to do about you?

Listen, Jeanne,

how would you feel if I still came to see Joey

but we wouldn't see each other anymore.

- Suicidal. - Me too.

Jeanne, it would kill me to tell Joey I couldn't see him

but I can't see myself walking into your house

and not being able to hold you

and touch you and pulling your hand,

put it in the inkwell,

and pinching your tush.

You're just not someone I can, I can be detached from.

- Arnie. - I'm all ears.

I like your ears, you know that?

I like all of you.

I haven't liked a man since Mike.

I haven't felt that,

you know that quick fluttering in here, since him.

He was the last person who could do that to me.

But I feel that now with you.

Oh Jeanne, I wish we could be together.

I wish we could all be together.

Why aren't we?

Gee I don't know if I'm ready for that.

You gotta try to understand.

I've been alone for a long time.

I mean alone, you understand?

I mean, you're talking about really being together

a whole family.

Scary.

- Oh, I thought you just- - Oh I care, Jeanne.

I do care, it's just that it's too much too...

That's it, then.

Timings way off.

On top of that, Mike might be moving back here.

What does Mike moving back here got to do with us?

Who says there is an us?

Hey, how you doing kid?

Not bad.

Mind if I walk along with you?

It's a free country.

So it is, so it is.

Oh Joey hey.

You know why I picked you to be my little brother?

Because I always wanted a kid like you, you know?

Joey, this is hard for me, come on.

I mean I'm the first to admit

I'm not good at this kind of thing.

I got to level with you.

Since your mom and me broke the rules

Morris seems to think, your mom and me too,

that you and I should...

Cool it, you know.

Especially since your dad's

going to be moving back to town.

Until we know what's what, you know what I mean?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter anyway.

'Cause if my dad moves here, I'm gonna go live with him.

And we'll have a basketball court,

and I'm going to go to work with him.

I'm going to help him with his new job,

and I'm gonna shoot baskets all day long.

And we're gonna play football and everything.

So don't worry about me, Arnie.

I'm fine, just don't worry about me!

Sugar?

- Yes. - Cube.

Pass it.

Hello, anyone home?

Dad, is it Sunday today?

Hey big boy, look at you!

Look how big you're getting.

You're gonna be as big as me any day now.

Yep, he grows like a weed.

He's out of his pants

before he gets a chance to wear through the knees.

Hello Jeanne.

Mike, you're looking well.

My keys still fit.

I hope you don't mind.

If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake.

We expected you tomorrow.

They moved the interview up one day.

I thought I'd come by and surprise you.

Well you certainly did that.

What do you want to do today, sport?

What do you want to do?

Day's yours.

You name it, you got it.

Money is no object.

Just two guys out on the town.

How about going to the park.

- Where we used to play? - Yeah.

You got it.

Go get dressed.

You can teach me some new plays.

I still got your football.

I'll be right back.

Mom, where's my jersey?

Wherever you left it.

I can barely keep awake.

Would you make me some coffee?

Please?

Boy, the place looks different.

Joey sure looks great.

Yeah, he looks just like you.

How'd your interview go?

Oh great.

They loved me.

They really liked my tapes.

It's a much bigger station.

Does that mean that you and uh...

Ellen.

Ellen, will be moving back here?

I don't know.

We still have to talk contract and money.

A new style and blew it.

It's par for the course.

That's real golf talk.

You can take off the hair shirt.

We all make mistakes.

So what about Joey?

What can I say?

His father moves back into his life

or we'll make another match for him.

A new big brother.

What the heck am I hoeing for?

I didn't come over here to till your soil.

I came over to make sure we don't lose you.

I still think you'll be a terrific big brother.

Joey grew a lot in the time he spent with you.

Almost six inches.

He was four feet, eight.

Sorry, sometimes I just can't help myself.

Stop pretending you don't feel anything.

We need big brothers.

I think, I really think you should make a new match.

- Get a new kid? - That's the idea.

This one had plenty of miles left on it.

Morris, thanks.

I can't make that kind of commitment again.

Not now, anyhow.

I hurt too much.

Thanks for trying, and believe me you're trying.

You've been a peach of a guy, and a prince of a fellow.

I think the big brothers are just going to have to do

without Arnie Potts, for a while.

Hut, hut two, go!

Out of sight Joey, great catch!

But tuck the ball away when you get it, all right?

And lift up your knees.

You run like that and you'll get knocked on your butt.

Okay.

Out of sight, dad.

Arnie wouldn't have gotten near that one.

Who's Arnie?

Just some guy who used to be my big brother.

Big brother?

Dad, just throw.

When did that happen?

It's over with, forget it.

Throw me a long one like you did before.

- Mike Bosnick? - Yeah.

The Mike Bosnick who played for the Patriots?

That's me, guilty as charged.

I used to watch you when I was a kid.

You were terrific.

Oh well nice meeting you.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, listen.

My buddies are playing a game of touch.

Would you mind just stopping by, saying hello?

Well I'm here with my son.

Oh sure, I'm sorry.

They're big fans of yours.

It's all right, dad.

Are you sure?

That's fine.

That's fine.

You're a sport.

Hey fellows!

It's him!

It's Mike Bosnick!

Come on, this is on me.

Besides you deserve it, you gave me a good workout.

Sweetheart, a table for 10.

I'm afraid we don't have one right at the moment.

Well put two together and bring us some beer.

That's for you.

Well, what did you think of your dad today?

Oh, you sure can throw.

When you move here will you coach my team?

Keep the beer flowing

and bring a pitcher of root beer for my son, would you?

Hey John?

In high school I was All American Quarterback.

We won 10 in one.

Now that was a season.

Mom was a cheerleader, wasn't she dad?

Yeah, that's right.

Forgot about that.

Anyway, in college I moved to half back.

That's what I played in high school.

Then you know what that's like.

I did that, too.

I was a half back.

I worked at the stadium

and when people gave me the tickets

I'd tear it in half and give them a half back.

That was a joke, dad.

That was great, Joey.

Anyway, I got drafted by New England.

They made me a tight end, now figure that out.

Miss, more beer here.

You want some more root beer, Joey.

Uh, no thanks.

We'd like to do a scene

from one of the greatest love stories ever told.

You have to use your imagination here.

You have to picture yourself,

say somewhere in the Pacific.

On a dark, tropical island.

You don't like jungle stories,

how about father stories.

My father took me on a jungle safari.

Those of us in show business

have this quaint little tradition.

When we audition

we expect that the person doing the hiring

is listening to us.

What?

Oh yeah, I think so too.

They're good, good.

So I told dad I was suicidal.

He said prove it.

I'm coming across the middle on the slant plank.

I hear 250 pound footsteps.

This guy is gonna murder me.

The ball was high and when I make the catch,

I spin around and go inside and he creams the free safety

and I practically walk to the end zone.

Dad, can I have a quarter?

Yeah, what for?

There's a video game over there.

I wanna play two games.

Here's a couple of bucks, get change at the bar.

So where are you now?

At KBX, I do on the air sports.

- Where's that? - Oklahoma.

But channel 11 here has offered me this job.

Really?

So when I was in high school

we were playing tasks across for the district championship.

And then one final minute of the game they tried to-

Joey?

Bartender, you see the blond headed kid

I came in here with?

He left a while ago, I thought you saw him go.

Hey Mike, where you going?

Take it easy, will you?

And stop yelling.

What do you mean stop yelling?

You drop in here from outer space on the wrong day,

after a year.

Why shouldn't I yell?

You haven't changed a bit.

You are so irresponsible!

I can't believe it.

You find that kid!

I've looked inside every store on this block.

Could he have gone to a friend's or something?

I think I know where he is.

You know kid, it's all right to cry.

Like around here, it's the rule of the house.

Who said I wanted to cry?

Nobody, nobody.

It's just that I thought you'd like to know

when Harry over there

blows in with a young debonair me,

when he made it to the big time after all those years

and he dropped me.

I didn't tell you that, did I?

Well, I shed a few big ones, I'll tell you.

You did?

Sure.

Anybody tells you men don't cry is bananas.

I feel terrific after a good cry.

No offense but...

Joey, I didn't know where you went.

What happened?

You were kind of busy in there.

I'm really sorry about that.

Those guys wanted to talk about the old days, you know.

They recognized me.

Who are you?

I'm Mike Bosnick, Joey's father.

Hey Joey, you're not crying, are you?

I'm Arnie Potts, Joey's big brother.

This is Arnie, dad.

Well thanks, thanks for taking care of Joey.

I just got hung up there for a minute.

Glad to meet you, Mike.

Joey talks about you all the time.

I was expecting Joe Namath or something.

You got a great son here.

I mean, I don't know much about kids

but every day I'm around Joey I learn something new.

I really care for him.

Even though he doesn't laugh at my jokes.

You're lucky, I mean that.

In fact I'm a little jealous of you, Mike.

I mean being related to such a terrific person.

If I were you- - Well you're not.

I'm the one that's Joey's father.

Then why don't you start acting like it?

Hey, how would you like

to carry your teeth home in a sack?

I think it's time to go, Joey.

Come on.

See you around, Pitts.

Potts.

Okay sport, get a good night's sleep, you hear?

Got to keep in shape, right.

I guess so.

Hey, Joey, don't be mad.

It was just one of those things, I'll be back.

I'll get tickets to the all-stars.

Joe?

Are you going to move here?

I don't know, It's a great job and everything,

great fringe benefits, like living near you.

But the other station may offer more to keep me, you know.

I'll keep you posted for sure, Joey.

Will I see you tomorrow?

I gotta go to Tulsa tomorrow night for an interview.

I wish I can stay.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to sleep now.

I'll write you when I get home.

And you write back, you hear?

Joey?

So long, son.

What's this big brother business?

My son's got a father, nobody died.

You may as well have.

Let's face it,

your card in the father file expired a long time ago.

Look, I do the best I can.

Joey knows that.

Just because I'm not the most perfect guy in the world

doesn't mean we're not pals.

Mike, either love him or leave him alone.

He idolizes you.

He adores you.

He sleeps with your trophies, wakes up with scratches.

Every time you tell him you're going to come by

and you don't show up, you kill him a little.

Every time you don't just call,

that silence kills him a little.

I don't mean to hurt him.

Look, I've got my own problems.

I live a long way off.

I don't have pots of money.

I'd pay for him to come visit.

Oh, keep your money.

When things are better and I can afford it,

he's coming to live with me.

We talked about it-

It's you he cares about, not your money.

I need time.

You had time.

You're missing his childhood.

Did you think I know that, for Pete's sake?

Knock off the guilt trip!

I can't get anywhere with you.

It's just as well the job fell through.

I can't live in the same town as you.

The job fell through?

I've known since Friday.

You know what I think?

I think you're still mad because I took off.

You're mad because I left you.

I used to be, Mike,

not anymore.

I used to be afraid of you.

You were so perfect.

You had this strange power over me.

But I've been sitting here looking at you,

and wondering didn't you used to be taller?

I said to myself, is it possible this man is shrinking?

What does that mean?

It's over Mike.

It's gone.

You're just an ordinary human being after all.

And it wasn't your fault.

It was me.

I did it.

I made you into something I needed.

So did Joey.

We made you up.

Mike, I'd like the key to my house back.

What if there's an emergency or something?

There's no emergency I can't handle.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Mike.

I could swear you were taller.

Why do they talk about sin so much?

That's what you heard?

They also talk a lot about love.

Love to go to church.

It's meditative,

calming, you know?

Makes me feel really balanced inside.

You sure look handsome today.

Mom.

Do you have to love someone

just because you're related to them?

Subtle.

Why don't you give me a tough one?

No, you don't have to.

At least I don't think so.

Good, 'cause I'm pretty mad at dad today.

That's okay.

It's really okay to be angry.

Just remember that he is your father.

No matter what, angry or not.

Don't you forget that, okay?

And he loves you.

No he doesn't.

Yes he does.

In his own way.

Arnie can't even throw a ball.

You should see him.

He looks like a penguin.

I thought he was getting better.

Well you know I'm helping him, of course.

His jokes are pretty old though.

You know, he made me laugh.

Well, you have absolutely no sense of humor, anyway.

Well, I guess it's just back to you and me, old buddy.

Kind of nice, though.

It's like starting over all new.

Let's face it,

we're stuck with each other.

We may as well make the best of it.

What do you say we go someplace

and have a nice, big Sunday breakfast?

What do you say, what do you say?

What do you say?

Okay folks, let's just get a couple things

straightened out, right from the start.

I'm not too good at this sort of thing so bear with me.

I love you, Joey.

But I love your mom, too.

Arnie.

I mean it's gotta be love.

I'm scared half to death and I can't even crack a joke.

This could be serious.

Terminal, I may not recover.

Well, what about me and you?

I mean, are we still going to see each other?

What we have here is a quandary.

A problem.

I mean I can't be your big brother

and still be with Jeanne, right?

Right.

- Those are the rules. - Right.

And your mom and I broke them, and we all got hurt by it.

But you know what?

Through that pain I found out what really matters to me.

You do.

And you do.

You both matter to me very much.

At this point, it would be very nice

if both of you would say, I love you.

I love you, Arnie.

I love you, Arnie.

You know, right here in his pocket I have a solution.

What is it?

A ring,

of the engagement variety.

It's the best I could do on a Sunday morning.

Arnie, my record in the marriage department

is not very good.

Neither is mine, I mean, who cares?

Let's take a chance.

I really think maybe it could work out.

Well, what do you say?

Lone Ranger ring, it was my favorite.

Hey you, get in here and get some of this hugging.

All right, let's all get in the car.

- Where are we going? - We're going for breakfast.

I already ate, we're backed up to here.

Then you can watch me eat.

Well maybe I could force down

some melon and toast.

I could have some waffles with hot maple syrup

and eggs and a bagel with cream cheese

and a hot pot of coffee. - I wanna have a donut.

You know the filling kind?

Wait wait wait,

I got a bunch of new jokes to try out on you.

Did you hear the one about the convict

who had been sent up the river so many times

that he got fan mail from salmon?

- I want a divorce. - And how about the butcher

who backed into his meat grinder

and got a little behind in his orders.

- Terrible! - Okay how about this one.

When I was a kid, I was so poor

that they couldn't afford to buy me shoes.

So they painted my feet black and laced up my toes.

- Ugh, these are the new ones? - Okay, okay.

There was this guy who was staying

at a cheap hotel and he goes down to see the desk clerk.

And he says, "I have a dead bed bug in my room."

And the desk clerk says, "If he's dead

he won't bother you."

The guy says, "Yeah, but you should see the funeral

his friends are throwing for him"

Ba dom dom.

That's terrible.

♪ When something so right ♪

♪ Something so right ♪

♪ Something so right ♪

♪ I can't go wrong ♪

♪ Singing this song ♪

♪ Taking a chance on being lonely ♪

♪ When I rowing my mind ♪

♪ But something so right ♪

♪ Will not come back again ♪

♪ I'm taking a chance on romance ♪

♪ Is like walking on ice ♪

♪ You can bet I do fall ♪

♪ Well now I'm telling you ♪

♪ I won't be selling you ♪

♪ Short for you love ♪

♪ Now that I found that ♪

♪ It's worth a fight ♪

♪ Getting it right ♪

♪ We've broken the rules ♪

♪ But then that's what rules are for ♪

♪ You can't ignore ♪

♪ You can't close the door ♪

♪ On something so right ♪

♪ Something so right ♪

♪ Something so right ♪