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00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:11,360
MUSIC: Lovely Day
by Bill Withers
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00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,320
# When I wake up
in the morning, love #
3
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,280
# And the sunlight hurts my eye #
4
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,280
# And something without warning,
love #
5
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,680
# Bears heavy on my mind #
6
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,240
# Then I look at you... #
7
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:38,960
HE SIGHS
8
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,800
# Just one look at you #
9
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,440
# And I know it's gonna be #
10
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:52,880
# A lovely... #
11
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:57,640
# Da-a-a-ay. #
12
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,960
# Lovely day, lovely day... #
Breakfast.
13
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:07,080
# A lovely day
Lovely day, lovely day... #
14
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,320
Don't worry, Madam,
I have freed the gluten
15
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,760
and the avocado
is, of course, smashed.
16
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,760
Whoa, that's pretty good.
17
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,640
The Empress approves.
18
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,160
Your mother went out food shopping.
19
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,920
God, only been back a week
and she's turned into Nigella.
20
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,680
Amazing what a bit of money'll do.
21
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,880
Hey. Be nice. She's trying.
22
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,760
Yeah, tell me about it.
HE CHUCKLES
23
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,480
Couldn't you stick around
for a couple of days?
24
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,040
Be nice to do something together.
As a family.
25
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,680
What, a day out in the loft?
A trip to the airing cupboard?
26
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:39,920
SARCASTICALLY:
Ha ha.
27
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:43,760
I'll be back to sort out your money,
don't worry.
Thanking you.
28
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,920
Er, you are going to go
to your mum's thing tonight?
29
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,280
She has been banging on about it.
30
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,240
Well, I won't hear the end of it
otherwise, will I?
Good girl.
31
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:55,120
# There's no business
like showbusiness #
32
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,840
# There's no business I know #
33
00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,400
There she is!
34
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,680
# Everything about it is appealing #
35
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,960
# Everything that traffic
will allow... #
36
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,400
Cos you're beautiful.
37
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,880
# Something, something,
something, something #
38
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:15,160
SHE SCATS
39
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,680
HE CHEERS
40
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,640
Sounding good, Donna. Next door is
not going to know what's hit it.
41
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,680
Well, it's not quite the Palladium,
but I am a professional.
42
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,560
RHYTHMICALLY: Ghosts roam
around my home.
43
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,760
You all right, love?
Mm. The jolly
collie swallowed a lollipop.
44
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,160
Try turning her off and on again.
45
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,560
Hm, warm-ups, darling. Warm-ups.
46
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,000
D'you remember when you used to
come and watch Mummy sing?
47
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,640
My little groupie.
You used to
wear your hair just like her.
48
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,760
Ooh. Little mini-me.
49
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,640
You used to sit at the side of
the stage, lighting my cigarettes.
50
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,760
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
that was illegal.
51
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,160
What are you staring at?
52
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,440
HE MURMURS
53
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,120
Look at us all. I mean,
who would've thought me being dead
54
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,240
would be the best thing
to happen to this family?
55
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,040
Should've done it ages ago.
SHE LAUGHS
56
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,320
HE GRUNTS
57
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,600
You packed, then?
58
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,520
Er, getting there.
59
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,880
But you're coming tonight, though,
aren't you, darlin'?
60
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,680
Put you a little chair out.
Hold Mummy's ashtray?
61
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,200
Yeah, yeah. Sure.
62
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,360
Oh, all right.
Don't sound too excited.
63
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,880
It's only your mum
singing her heart out.
64
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,760
Leaving everything on the stage.
65
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,640
Don't know when
I'm going to see you again.
66
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,400
She'll be back
to sort out the money.
67
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,840
Oh, it'll be nice to see you too,
Dad.
Which will be here any day now.
68
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,800
And we'll be off to paradise,
Donna.
69
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,360
THEY MAKE ANIMAL NOISES
70
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,960
Going to...go pack.
71
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,360
Oh, God, she still hates me.
She does not.
72
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,000
Every time I come home,
I feel like Cruella de Vil.
73
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,000
It's your bloody doing.
Hey.
74
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,360
It's not my fault
I had to travel the world
75
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,880
on a four-star luxury cruise.
76
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,400
I'm trying my best here.
77
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:49,880
I bought her an avocado.
78
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,280
Which went down a storm.
79
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,720
Really?
Mm.
80
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,920
Tell you what,
do your Tina Turner for her later.
81
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,400
River Deep. That was one of
her favourites, wasn't it?
82
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,400
Hm. Don't think my knees
will take it anymore.
83
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,840
Oh, trust me, you'll, er...
84
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,440
QUIETLY:
..bring the house down.
You all right?
85
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,080
Huh? Yes.
86
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,400
Yes. Never better.
87
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,040
HE CHUCKLES
DOORBELL RINGS
88
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,240
You are dead to me.
89
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,120
All right? I just want you
to know that.
90
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,280
You are dead to me.
91
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,840
Tina...
No, I don't want to hear it.
92
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,480
Why don't you just leave already,
cos no-one wants you here anyway.
93
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,480
OK. Going now then, bye.
94
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,600
No, I don't mean it, babes!
95
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,360
TINA CRIES SOFTLY
OK, OK.
96
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:39,920
# I've got you under my skin... #
97
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,480
Where do you want these, Derek?
98
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,320
Er, pop them in the back room,
then you can start on the beer kegs.
99
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,040
MOCKINGLY: Oh, yes, your majesty.
100
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,640
Jeannie,
there's a lot riding on tonight.
101
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,600
I do know that, Derek,
thank you very much.
102
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:54,880
If we play this right,
103
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,520
we could be up there
with the likes of Travelodge.
104
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,040
SHE GASPS
105
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,840
I feel sick and excited
all at once.
106
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,080
Derek, I was thinking maybe
I could do one of my poems later?
107
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,280
Have you put chocolates under
the pillows?
Yes. Wagon Wheels.
108
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,240
Good. Have you sorted out
the Saniflo toilet?
109
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,000
Yes. Rogue tampon.
110
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,240
Oh, it's an epidemic.
111
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,680
Have you constructed fan-shaped
towels on each of the beds?
112
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,240
Well, actually, I went for swans.
113
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,440
Jesus wept, Jeannie.
Who do you think you are? Banksy?
114
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,800
Come on, chop chop.
Oh.
115
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,520
SHE SIGHS
You make more work for me.
116
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,320
LES:
OK. Pull yourself together.
117
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,160
Think, man. Er...
118
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,560
Car boot sale?
119
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,720
Oh, that's never going to be enough.
120
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,240
Fake my own death?
121
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,360
A-again? No.
122
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,840
Run away?
123
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,280
HE SIGHS
124
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,400
I'll have to tell them the truth.
125
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,440
Can I keep this?
126
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:14,560
Why?
127
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,720
Sentimental.
Hm. Bit weird.
128
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,560
You're a bit weird.
OK, have it.
129
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,840
No, I don't want it anymore.
130
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,240
Have you spoken to Nathan yet?
131
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,880
Seeing as you've broken his heart,
as well?
Bit harsh.
132
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,160
Well, have you?
No.
133
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,240
It's not over between you two,
babes, you know?
134
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:37,000
I've got a fifth sense
for these things. It'll happen.
135
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,160
Tina.
Hm?
Can I have my clothes back?
136
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,120
Oh, God, fine!
137
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,120
How can you be leaving
a face like this?
138
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,520
I could kidnap you, you know?
You've got stringy little arms.
139
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,960
Right, come here.
TINA SIGHS
140
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,000
I'll be popping back
in a couple of weeks,
141
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,000
and you're welcome to visit
whenever you want.
142
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,760
I couldn't have done any of this
without you.
143
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,760
I know.
You'd have been proper shit.
144
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,240
EMILY CHUCKLES
TINA SIGHS
145
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,680
We're still going to have it at your
mum's thing later, though, yeah?
146
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,120
Emily?
147
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,400
I guess.
148
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,080
What? Come on. It's your last
proper night in Sandylands.
149
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,920
Sorry. It's just...
SHE SIGHS
150
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,960
..Mum and Dad are acting
like it's happy families.
151
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,120
It's doing my head in.
152
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,520
Like I'm supposed to forget
everything that's happened?
153
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,120
My life is so boring
compared to yours.
154
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,480
I used to go and watch her sing
all the time.
155
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,080
I'd be knackered for school
the next day, but it was worth it.
156
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,240
And then, one day, she just...went.
157
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,680
You should really talk to her
about this, babes.
158
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,000
Have you tried talking to my mum?
TINA CHUCKLES SOFTLY
159
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,720
DONNA SCREAMS
160
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,200
Bang on cue.
161
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,480
DONNA WHIMPERS
162
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,800
EMILY AND TINA GASP
163
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,600
Help me!
164
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,920
MUSIC: Hungry Like The Wolf
by Duran Duran
165
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,280
# Darken the city, night is a wire #
166
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,520
# Steam in the subway
Earth is afire #
167
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,320
# Do-do-do, do-do-do... #
168
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,200
Women, huh?
169
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,680
Am I right?
170
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,160
One minute they're snogging
your face off, the next...
171
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,920
HE MURMURS
172
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,560
HE SUCKS LOUDLY THROUGH STRAW
173
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,040
HE GULPS, THEN SIGHS
174
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,640
Sent her a couple of texts.
175
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,960
"Hey, let's be mates,"
kind of vibe, you know?
176
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,440
A jokey gif.
177
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,200
Little winking emoji.
178
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,200
Couple of cheeky memes.
179
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,600
Funny, right?
180
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,280
What kind of monster
ignores a winking emoji?
181
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,240
No comment.
182
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,440
Out the way! Dyeing emergency.
MAN GRUNTS
183
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:46,640
MUSIC: Holding Out For A Hero
by Bonnie Tyler
184
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:47,880
SHE PANTS
185
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,360
For the fourth time, you do not
look like an Oompa Loompa.
186
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,200
PANTING:
Hot Diamond,
Champagne Sunrise? Huh?
187
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,800
DOORBELL RINGS
188
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,000
Let's have a look.
DOORBELL RINGS
189
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,640
Oh, there she is.
190
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,360
Oh! Are you OK, luvvie?
191
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,920
D'you need some money?
Buy yourself a magazine?
192
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,360
Oh, she's a bit warm, Derek.
193
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,000
I'm OK.
Jeannie, Jeannie.
194
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,480
Er, is your mother in?
195
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:20,800
I'm keen to run through call times,
set list, fire-exits, etc, etc.
196
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,360
There's a lot riding on tonight.
We could be bigger than Travelodge.
197
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,840
Donna?
Erm, she's a bit tied up.
198
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,440
Nevertheless,
we have a contractual agreement.
199
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,400
Don't want to have to
get the lawyers involved.
200
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,320
Donna, are you there?
Who the bloody hell is that?
201
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,520
Derek Swallows,
Swallows By The Sea B&B?
202
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,840
Your employer for the evening.
203
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,920
STERNLY: What do you want?
Mum, it's fine.
204
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:45,240
No, it's not fine, actually.
I've paid upwards of £85.
205
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:49,560
Derek...
Jeannie, please, let me
get a word in edgeways for once.
206
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,120
I expect a level
of professionalism from you.
207
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,320
Early arrival time,
a proper sound check,
208
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,120
and then you can help Jeannie with
the beer kegs. Come on, chop chop.
209
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,640
Listen, you.
I've met your type before.
210
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,080
You are a pernickety little
pain in the arse,
211
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,600
and I won't have it.
212
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,480
I will be over
when I say I'll be over.
213
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,640
Do you hear me?
214
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:11,640
MEEKLY:
I do.
215
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,920
Now apologise,
before I wring your neck
216
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,320
with the sleeves of that Pringle.
217
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,000
QUIETLY:
Sorry.
218
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,000
And apologise to your wife, an' all.
219
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,840
QUIETLY:
Sorry, Jeannie.
220
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,120
Good boy.
221
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,600
Shall we say seven-ish?
222
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,040
Hello, love. You got a sec?
223
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,920
I swear to God, I will throttle
the next man who crosses me.
224
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,640
All right, Dad?
225
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,440
Yeah, yeah, great, yeah.
Yeah. Never better.
226
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,640
What you got there?
What you got there? Boop!
227
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,920
HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
228
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,080
CONFUSED:
OK.
229
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,400
MUSIC: Never Tear Us Apart
by INXS
230
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,640
# We could live #
231
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,680
# For a thousand years #
232
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,120
# But if I hurt you #
233
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:23,080
# I'd make wine from your tears #
234
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,520
# I told you #
235
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,560
# That we could fly #
236
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,080
# Cos we all have wings #
237
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:39,240
# But some of us don't know why... #
238
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,760
To the bottom, Derek, and then you
can help me with the eggy salad.
239
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,200
Right you are, Jeannie.
HE GRUNTS
240
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,280
Anything for you.
241
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,520
Oh, you bloody genius.
242
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,640
I might be able to get
a bit more lift.
243
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,160
I'll never get through
the bloody door!
244
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,800
Emily?
245
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,320
# The minute you walked
in the joint... #
246
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,600
THEY IMITATE BRASS BAND
247
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,560
Oi! Are you seeing this, darling?
248
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,760
What?
"What?" The hair.
249
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,480
She's back. Like bloody Samson.
250
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:17,320
Ooh, you should get Tina
to do yours. Be like old times.
251
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,720
Going to knock 'em dead. Hey, Emily?
252
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,080
Yeah, great.
253
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,360
DONNA SIGHS
254
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,880
You're wasting your time
with that one.
255
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,720
After all the sacrifices
I made, Tina.
256
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,760
Do you know,
I can't even hit a high C
257
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,280
since she took a sledgehammer
to my pelvic floor?
258
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,360
God. Do you even realise
you're speaking?
259
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,960
Hm, not cool enough. No.
260
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,520
God, I hate the youth.
261
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,440
All that London. They wouldn't
know quality entertainment
262
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,880
if it kicked them
up the sourdough arse.
263
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,560
Right.
What happened to
that sweet little girl
264
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,920
who used to love
watching her mummy sing?
265
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,480
That's all you care about, isn't it?
266
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,080
Your little fan-girl daughter,
267
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,920
worshipping you
at the side of the stage.
268
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,840
Just sayin',
be nice to have a bit of support.
269
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,040
Would it? Really?
270
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,640
What about my support?
What about ever being there for me?
271
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,320
How many times?
I came back as often as I...
272
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,600
No, you didn't. You didn't, Mum.
273
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,480
I had to work.
You left!
274
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,600
You left me,
and you won't even admit it.
275
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,480
I give up with you.
276
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,120
I've done nothing but try
since I came back.
277
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,560
Next time,
buy your own bloody avocadoes.
278
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,400
I hope you and Dad's money
are very happy together.
279
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,480
Emily...
Just leave me alone, Tina.
280
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,720
MUSIC: A Lady Of A Certain Age
by The Divine Comedy
281
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:48,760
# Back in the day
You had been part of the smart set #
282
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:54,400
# You'd holidayed with kings
Dined out with starlets #
283
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:59,960
# From London to New York
Cap Ferrat to Capri... #
284
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,240
Darling, your...
Your mum rang. Erm...
285
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,800
She can't make it.
286
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:08,440
But...she's going to
send you a postcard.
287
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,600
How about a hot chocolate? Yeah?
288
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,560
Come on.
289
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,720
# Armed only with a cheque book
and a family tree #
290
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:32,640
# You chased the sun
around the Cote d'Azur #
291
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:38,160
# Until the light of youth
became obscured #
292
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:43,280
# And left you on your own
and in the shade... #
293
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:50,400
MUSIC: Ain't That A Kick In The Head
by Dean Martin
294
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,840
# How lucky can one guy be... #
295
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,960
Mint Imperials are a hit, Derek.
296
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,680
Oh, we're back on the map,
Jeannie. It's packed.
297
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,080
# Ain't that a kick in the head? #
298
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,400
Hm, banners look very professional.
Yes.
299
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,440
Oh, by the way, er, Mrs Vegas
arrived and I put her in room two.
300
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,800
Oh, God, why didn't you say?!
301
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,080
HE SIGHS
302
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:25,280
SHE HUMS A VOCAL WARM-UP
303
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,200
Oh, Jesus, what a dump.
304
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,280
How the mighty have fallen.
305
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,480
Oh, she'll come round, darlin'.
306
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,120
Always throwing her toys
out the pram, that one.
307
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,640
What the hell is this?
308
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,240
KNOCK AT DOOR
309
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,560
Knockety-knock, knock, knock!
HE CHUCKLES
310
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,680
No-one's naked, are they?
HE CHUCKLES
311
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,960
I am. Under these clothes.
312
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,640
Oh, I see you've discovered
my Garibaldis.
313
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,880
Should be a Wagon Wheel
around here somewhere?
314
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,360
HE CHUCKLES
315
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,920
Ah. Bingo.
316
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,120
SARCASTICALLY: Ooh. You certainly
know how to treat a girl.
317
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,600
Oh!
HE LAUGHS
318
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,200
And, er, may I just say,
it's an honour to welcome you and...
319
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:08,760
..your entourage here to the
newly-christened Donna Vegas Suite.
320
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,720
There's something up with your loo,
by the way.
321
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,400
Yeah, she does not like wet wipes.
322
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,720
ANGRILY:
What?
323
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,320
CALMLY:
Oh, not a problem,
not a problem.
324
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,680
Erm, just to say,
before the main event tonight,
325
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:21,960
AKA you,
326
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,720
we are showing
a little promotional video,
327
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,880
something I put together myself,
just a bit of fun,
328
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:33,520
so if you could possibly pop down
around 14 past the hour?
329
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,480
HE CHUCKLES
No pressure, up to you.
330
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,520
Fine.
Fantastic.
331
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,320
And, er, as we say
in the business we call show...
332
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,760
HE CHUCKLES
Showbusiness.
333
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,320
"Break a leg!"
HE LAUGHS
334
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,240
Tosser.
335
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,760
Still here.
I know.
336
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:56,560
BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS
337
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,800
I was so close.
338
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,920
Me and Donna off to paradise,
like I promised.
339
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,000
I've blown it.
340
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,200
Again.
341
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,840
She's not going to hang around
for some washed-up loser
342
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,760
entombed in his own loft.
343
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,080
And... And Emily.
344
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:23,600
God, I've put her through so much.
345
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,040
I'm a dead weight.
346
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,040
No, no, I-I am.
347
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,560
They would've been better off
without me.
348
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,400
Yeah.
349
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:41,760
Anyway, thanks for the chat, Gary.
350
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,880
I'm going to go now.
Do what I should've done.
351
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,280
GLITZY MUSIC PLAYING
352
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:57,120
DEREK:
Welcome to the
Swallows By The Sea relaunch.
353
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,840
ECHOING:
Relaunch, relaunch.
354
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,880
The performance is about to begin.
355
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,440
ECHOING:
Begin, begin.
356
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:07,320
THEME FROM "DALLAS" PLAYS
357
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,840
Right.
HE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
358
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,480
Settle down, settle down.
MUSIC FADES
359
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,200
Welcome, willkommen and bienvenue
360
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:21,360
to this star-studded relaunch
of Swallows By The Sea B&B.
361
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,600
I'm your humble host
for the evening, Derek Swallows.
362
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,560
MAN LAUGHS
363
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,440
You've no idea how much that hurts.
364
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:33,760
Now, who's ready for Donna Vegas?
365
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,560
CHEERING
366
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,920
Good, good. But first,
367
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,360
shut up and watch this.
368
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:46,400
VIDEO:
Welcome to Swallows
By The Sea Bed and Breakfast.
369
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:52,080
Upon arrival, you'll be greeted by
our world-class hospitality team,
370
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:56,400
offering a selection
of exotically-flavoured waters
371
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,160
and complementary Kenco.
372
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,960
Cleanliness is close to godliness
at Swallows.
373
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,320
With every room black-light tested,
374
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,200
you can be confident
in the state of our pelmets.
375
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,120
Why not try our five-star
executive breakfast,
376
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,880
with your own choice of egg?
377
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,840
And indulge yourself
with one of our spa treatments.
378
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,560
Group facials on request.
379
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,240
Whatever your needs,
380
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:28,600
it's all here
at Swallows By The Sea B&B.
381
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:32,680
Swallows,
watching over you while you sleep.
382
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,080
HE SIGHS
383
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,080
Emily?
Jesus, Dad.
384
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,640
What are you doing?
385
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,080
You're going? Now?
386
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,080
I had a bit of a run-in with Mum.
387
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,440
I heard.
But don't just go, darling.
388
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,080
I have to, Dad.
I can't just play happy families.
389
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,000
Well, have a little break,
then come back and...
390
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,000
I'm not coming back.
391
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,880
Emily, please.
Your mum'll be devastated.
392
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:04,960
Will she?
393
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,720
She left us, Dad,
and she'll never admit it.
394
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,080
I agree with you,
she made some big mistakes. Huge.
395
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:14,240
But I'm as much to blame.
396
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,880
I made it impossible for her.
397
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,640
You know she's only hanging around
for the money?
That's not true.
398
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,080
Well...not totally.
399
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,760
She's a really great person
underneath...
400
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,600
all those sequins
and that hairspray.
401
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,640
I wouldn't know, would I?
Yeah, but you could.
402
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,640
She loves you, Emily.
403
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,840
I promise you, she's really trying.
404
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,920
Why do you think she's slumming it
in a half-empty B&B?
405
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,800
The only person she wants to
sing to tonight is you.
406
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,000
CAR HORN BEEPS
407
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,440
That's my cab.
408
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,840
Don't just walk out, love.
Never did anyone any good.
409
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,080
Bye, Dad.
410
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,400
Come on then, love, there's already
20 quid on the meter.
411
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,880
You just got here.
412
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:37,520
A Room With A View.
413
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,920
A poem by Jeannie Swallows.
414
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,240
JEANNIE CLEARS HER THROAT
415
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,800
DRAMATICALLY:
I fling my doors
wide open.
416
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,560
Everyone is welcome.
417
00:21:54,600 --> 00:22:00,000
WHISPERED VOICE:
Come
and rest thy weary head
418
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:04,960
on my soft, white pillows,
419
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,320
and feast,
420
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:12,320
for my buffet is continental.
421
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,840
SHE GASPS SHAKILY
422
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,440
DONNA SIGHS
KNOCKING AT DOOR
423
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,520
DEREK:
Mrs Vegas
to the stage, please.
424
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,320
Shit.
425
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:28,680
DONNA SIGHS
I can't do it.
426
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,160
Whoa, what do you mean?
427
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,720
I can't do it, Tina.
DONNA SNIFFLES
428
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,840
She was supposed to be here.
429
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,160
KNOCKING AT DOOR
Piss off!
430
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,480
OK, I'll go and have
a little word with him.
431
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,160
KNOCKING AT DOOR
I thought I told you to piss off?
432
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,640
SARCASTICALLY:
Charming.
433
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,200
QUIETLY:
She is not going on.
434
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,400
Oh, Emily!
435
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,200
You all right, darlin'?
436
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,160
Tina said you weren't going on?
437
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,120
What? No!
438
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,920
It's all part of the big build-up.
439
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,120
Elaine Paige does it all the time.
SHE CHUCKLES
440
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,960
Right. Look...
441
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,560
I didn't want to just go
without saying goodbye.
442
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,360
You're going? Now?
443
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,080
Yeah.
444
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:10,960
Probably won't be back.
445
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,040
Right.
446
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,600
Whatever you want, darlin'.
447
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,320
Bon voyage.
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
448
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,840
Say hello to London for me.
449
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,200
Good luck in Peru.
450
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,080
I hope it's everything
you dreamed of.
451
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,880
I'll send you a...
DOOR CLOSES
452
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,600
..postcard.
453
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,160
Emily?
454
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,280
Bye, mate.
455
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,800
DONNA: Emily!
456
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,800
I'm sorry!
457
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,760
ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS
458
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:00,760
Bit dramatic.
459
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:06,600
You're right, I never should've
left you for so long.
460
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,840
It just got harder and harder
to come home.
461
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,000
Look, none of that matters.
462
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,600
I just want you to know
that I love you,
463
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,200
and I'm proud of you, and...
464
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,560
And I want to try.
465
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,520
I know that's your choice, but...
466
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,400
I think that's it.
467
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,880
SHE EXHALES
468
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,120
I've never been very good
at ad-libbing.
It's OK, Mum.
469
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,560
Meter's still runnin'.
470
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,000
SHE CHUCKLES
471
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,240
This one's for my baby girl.
APPLAUSE
472
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:42,160
MUSIC PLAYS
473
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,120
# When I was a little girl #
474
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,880
# I had a rag doll #
475
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,800
# The only doll I ever owned #
476
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:58,320
# Now I love you just the way
I loved that rag doll #
477
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:02,680
# But only now my love has grown #
478
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:08,200
# And it gets stronger
in every way #
479
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:14,720
# And it gets deeper, let me say #
480
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:20,320
# And it gets higher, day by day #
481
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:26,080
# Do I love you? My, oh my #
482
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:33,520
# River deep, mountain high #
483
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,720
# If I lost you, would I cry? #
484
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,800
# Oh, I love you, baby #
485
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:46,240
# Baby, baby, baby! #
486
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
487
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,600
MAN:
Night, Nathan.
Night.
488
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,240
Can I help you?
489
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,760
I'd like to report
a missing person.
490
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,840
Just calm down.
491
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,880
Calm down?! You calm down!
492
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,320
Oh, God!
NATHAN PANTS
493
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,120
Nathan, mate, breathe.
494
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:11,840
NATHAN BREATHES SLOWLY
495
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,440
That's it, that's it.
496
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,840
That's it. Sit down. Put your...
Put your head between your legs.
497
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,680
God, what does she see in you?
498
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,000
Does Emily know about this?
499
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,520
What am I saying?
Of course she does.
500
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,560
No wonder she didn't respond
to my winking emoji.
501
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,240
Oh, God, the levels!
502
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,760
She had nothing to do with this,
all right? Nor did Donna.
503
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,400
This is on me, all of it.
504
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,120
What the hell do I do?
505
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:33,840
I think I'm under arrest, mate.
506
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,680
DONNA AND TINA SING:
# Do I love you? My, oh my! #
507
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,080
Oh, we should duet sometime,
Tina, my lovely.
508
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,000
Come on, Emily,
you're not getting away with it.
509
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,960
DONNA AND TINA:
# River deep, mountain... #
510
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,200
# High! #
511
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,680
Oh, voice of an angel, that one!
512
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,640
We could form a supergroup.
THEY LAUGH
513
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,440
Come on. Let's crack open a bottle.
Something expensive.
514
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,840
Emily, grab those glasses.
515
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:01,680
What are we drinking to?
516
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,360
How about new beginnings?
517
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,720
GLASSES CLINK
518
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,160
Guys?
519
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,760
What's this?
520
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:18,880
Where's Dad?
521
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,000
DOORBELL RINGS
Dad?
522
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,520
Dad?!
523
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,680
Les.
524
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:27,840
Can I come in?
525
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,720
MUSIC: Don't You (Forget About Me)
by Simple Minds
526
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,160
# Hey, hey, hey, hey! #
527
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:40,160
# Ooh, whoa #
528
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,200
# Won't you come see about me? #
529
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,200
# I'll be alone, dancing #
530
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:54,960
# You know it, baby #
531
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:59,080
# Tell me your troubles
and doubts... #
532
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,120
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
38693
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