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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:06,574 This is Evan Scabetta. 2 00:00:06,648 --> 00:00:11,585 I'm calling from Non-bottled Wine Beverage Monthly, a new publication. 3 00:00:11,653 --> 00:00:14,213 I was just calling to inform you... 4 00:00:14,289 --> 00:00:19,022 that your product has been selected as the best boxed wine on the market. 5 00:00:19,093 --> 00:00:21,823 That's right, so all of us here at the magazine thought... 6 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:26,299 you should go ahead and send over a fuckin' shitload of it. 7 00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:28,733 Oh, we love it. It's o good. 8 00:00:28,803 --> 00:00:31,067 - We like-- - Merlot. 9 00:00:32,340 --> 00:00:34,274 We love the merlot. 10 00:00:34,342 --> 00:00:38,108 You're the best, Rita. You always have been. Thank you. 11 00:00:38,179 --> 00:00:41,774 Allright, boys. We've done this before. Let's do it again. 12 00:00:41,849 --> 00:00:45,785 Simple, easy, by the book. 13 00:00:45,853 --> 00:00:48,151 Meet back here in 20 minutes. 14 00:01:37,905 --> 00:01:40,237 Holden University. 15 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,538 This was our territory... 16 00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:46,011 andh ere we were, 48 days away from a diploma... 17 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:49,015 that would open doors for the rest of our lives. 18 00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:52,348 We're one step closer to the American dream. 19 00:01:53,588 --> 00:01:55,783 After today'ss cam. 20 00:02:35,963 --> 00:02:38,898 Hey there! Mission Sports! Everybody smile for the camera! 21 00:02:38,966 --> 00:02:41,127 It's gonna be on tonight at 8:00. Everybody smile! 22 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:44,501 Mission Sports 2-2 Bureau Sports Channel. 23 00:02:44,572 --> 00:02:47,336 One camera, 24-hour-a-day sports coverage. 24 00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:50,172 Yeah! Slow down. Slow down. 25 00:02:50,244 --> 00:02:52,576 You guys wanna be on TV? Say hello to Mom! 26 00:03:15,336 --> 00:03:18,328 We're on 'em, we're on 'em. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. 27 00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:22,365 You're great. You look good. Big strides. Smile for the camera. 28 00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:42,495 No athletics like amateur athletics. 29 00:03:42,563 --> 00:03:45,862 I see the Olympics for you, baby. Everybody's a winner. 30 00:04:01,582 --> 00:04:03,447 Right here, right here! 31 00:04:04,952 --> 00:04:06,419 All runners cross the street! 32 00:04:18,099 --> 00:04:20,226 This way, this way, this way! 33 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,394 This is a different route. 34 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,939 Beautiful! All right! You're looking good! 35 00:04:49,964 --> 00:04:53,400 New route! This way! Let's see the form! Big smiles! 36 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,959 Everybody cross the street! All runners cross the street! 37 00:04:57,038 --> 00:04:59,131 New route! 38 00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:01,732 - Watch where you're going, asshole! - Oh, yeah. 39 00:05:13,154 --> 00:05:15,088 - My leg! - I can't believe it! 40 00:05:15,156 --> 00:05:18,387 - Oh! You killed my tibia! - Oh, my God. 41 00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:21,257 - What a travesty! - Oh, Lord! 42 00:05:21,329 --> 00:05:23,263 Jesus, this looks bad. 43 00:05:23,331 --> 00:05:27,563 He's never gonna make it. He's supposed to work in a kibbutz this summer. 44 00:05:27,635 --> 00:05:31,162 - Whatever, but I didn't do anything. - Have mercy on my leg! 45 00:05:31,239 --> 00:05:34,333 Keep lyin, buddy. We got it on tape. I might just call that number. 46 00:05:34,408 --> 00:05:36,842 - I'm calling my supervisor. - Call a doctor while you're at it. 47 00:05:36,911 --> 00:05:41,007 - Hey, I was in Desert Storm, mister! - God, it hurts! 48 00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:45,143 -Allofthis... - You don't know anything about driving. 49 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:48,154 - topassa test. - He broke my tibia! 50 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,656 He broke my tibia! 51 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,286 It's one ofour favorit scams-- the worm in the apple. 52 00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:59,697 which they kept under lock and key. 53 00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:02,031 Now, if you had an extra blue book... 54 00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,264 you could pretty much get away with anything. 55 00:06:04,338 --> 00:06:08,570 And now, after this morning, we had our very own supply. 56 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,379 Okay, people, this is the midterm. 57 00:06:12,446 --> 00:06:14,880 It is 30 percent of your grade. 58 00:06:14,949 --> 00:06:17,144 Now's the time to start panicking. 59 00:06:17,218 --> 00:06:20,654 For those ofyou who don't know me, my name is Philip, I'm the head TA. 60 00:06:20,721 --> 00:06:23,713 If you don't know me, that means you've never been to class. 61 00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:26,817 Study materials need to go under our desk... 62 00:06:26,894 --> 00:06:29,158 as my minions pass out the test booklets. 63 00:06:29,897 --> 00:06:32,161 Game time. Let me get some booklets. We need three. 64 00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:35,066 That means our textbooks go under-- Exactly! 65 00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:37,070 It's not open book. 66 00:06:37,138 --> 00:06:39,436 We leftjunior high a long time ago. 67 00:06:41,876 --> 00:06:43,810 Don'tmake eye contact. 68 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,676 And our midterm... 69 00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:49,682 begins now. 70 00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:52,685 I gotta take a test. I gotta take a test. 71 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:57,389 Hi there. 72 00:07:01,228 --> 00:07:03,093 You're in my seat. 73 00:07:03,164 --> 00:07:05,428 - The seat was empty. - I was getting test booklets. 74 00:07:05,499 --> 00:07:07,933 - Get out ofmy seat. - We already have test booklets. 75 00:07:08,002 --> 00:07:10,937 Hi. Hello. Yeah. See, the test booklets are out. 76 00:07:11,005 --> 00:07:13,530 So this conversation you're having isn't taking place. 77 00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:18,044 - He's in my seat, though. - Exactly. 78 00:07:18,112 --> 00:07:21,604 And we're grownups, so we don't argue over seats. Why don't we go over there. 79 00:07:24,952 --> 00:07:26,886 You just made my little black book. 80 00:07:28,422 --> 00:07:30,788 Okay, go sit. Go sit. 81 00:07:36,964 --> 00:07:39,228 Move, move, move. You're late now. Move. 82 00:07:43,537 --> 00:07:46,062 - I'm sorry. Do you know him? - No. 83 00:07:47,775 --> 00:07:49,970 - Good. Thank you. - Eyes on my own paper. 84 00:07:50,945 --> 00:07:53,209 Joe Schmo has no answers for you. 85 00:07:54,382 --> 00:07:56,976 Man, this is a really hard test. 86 00:07:57,718 --> 00:07:59,879 I don't think I know one of these damn answers. 87 00:07:59,954 --> 00:08:02,821 Good thing I'm not in this class. 88 00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:05,358 See, I'm simply here to copy the questions down. 89 00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:12,791 Look at me. I'm ananonymous blender-inner. 90 00:08:18,172 --> 00:08:20,106 make the switch. 91 00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:25,206 I leave the stolen bluebook as a decoy. 92 00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:28,442 And here? Here's where I made my mistake. 93 00:08:28,516 --> 00:08:30,575 This is how it all started. 94 00:08:32,019 --> 00:08:34,351 But, I mean, look at her. 95 00:08:34,422 --> 00:08:37,357 That's the reason I went to college. 96 00:08:41,762 --> 00:08:45,960 I wrote my number down in case you wanna call me to talk about the test. 97 00:08:47,034 --> 00:08:48,934 Or just talk about anything. 98 00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:53,604 I gotta go. Here's my number. I want you to call me. 99 00:08:53,674 --> 00:08:56,609 You know, tell me how the rest of the test went. 100 00:08:56,677 --> 00:08:59,111 - You know? - Okay. 101 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,141 Just call me. 102 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:11,991 - I have to go to the bathroom. - That's not allowed during the test. 103 00:09:12,059 --> 00:09:13,492 I really have to go. 104 00:09:14,462 --> 00:09:15,724 Tell you what. 105 00:09:20,835 --> 00:09:22,200 Explosive diarrhea. 106 00:09:22,269 --> 00:09:25,636 Okay, go. All right. And leave that stuff there. 107 00:09:28,342 --> 00:09:30,708 Good luck. I mean that. 108 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,809 What you just saw was cheating. 109 00:09:34,882 --> 00:09:38,818 Now I've got the questions, and all my roommate needs are the answers. 110 00:09:38,886 --> 00:09:40,683 I just don't wanna get sloppy 600s. 111 00:09:41,288 --> 00:09:42,687 I told you,Jeff... 112 00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:47,216 you gotta work through gay porn before they let you set foot in hetero. 113 00:09:47,294 --> 00:09:48,818 - Fellas. - Really? 114 00:09:48,896 --> 00:09:52,263 Dave, is this true? You have to do gay porn before you work in straight porn? 115 00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:55,598 - True. - What a dirty, despicable business. 116 00:09:55,669 --> 00:09:57,330 - How'd it go? - It went well. 117 00:09:57,404 --> 00:10:00,100 I slipped in, I slipped out. It was beautiful. 118 00:10:02,176 --> 00:10:04,610 - I was fuckin' invisible. Relax. - You're sure? 119 00:10:04,678 --> 00:10:05,940 Yeah, I was invisible. 120 00:10:06,013 --> 00:10:10,746 Guys, this is like child's play. A baby could do this work. 121 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,342 Don't get flashy, Karl. 122 00:10:12,419 --> 00:10:14,717 Nothing higher than an A-minus, or we dock you. 123 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,188 Look, I'm just saying-- 124 00:10:17,258 --> 00:10:21,752 We pay you because you do phenomenal work, so fill out that physics test. 125 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,764 Maybe you wouldn't need someone to fill out every test form... 126 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,359 if you stopped smoking these doobies, smack joint heads. 127 00:10:28,435 --> 00:10:31,700 Don't be so smug, Karl. There's a lot here you don't know about. 128 00:10:33,707 --> 00:10:36,301 No. That does not agree with me. 129 00:10:38,312 --> 00:10:41,804 Okay, harumph, it's over-- I saw that. 130 00:10:41,882 --> 00:10:44,407 Flip me off one more time, I'm taking away the test. 131 00:10:44,485 --> 00:10:49,047 Pass 'em toyour left. To your left! 132 00:10:49,123 --> 00:10:51,057 Quickly. 133 00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:54,219 And you may leave. I don't wanna see you anymore. 134 00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:57,730 Enjoy your vacation. 135 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:18,484 Okay, the test is over. We're done here. 136 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:41,166 - So, how'd you do on the test? - Oh, who knows? 137 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:45,008 - What, you don't care? - I'm obsessing about this purity test. 138 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,741 - It's a magazine. - I missed skank by two points. 139 00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:51,376 I don't think you have to worry about that. 140 00:11:51,452 --> 00:11:52,817 Hey, hot boy. 141 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:56,447 I thought that was your sexy ass. Come here. 142 00:11:56,523 --> 00:11:58,957 Ooh, you guys are so fuckin' hot. 143 00:11:59,026 --> 00:12:01,460 - Give me some of that. - Some of this? 144 00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:08,168 I was right. You're a hard person to follow. 145 00:12:08,235 --> 00:12:12,365 I'm sorry, I don't think that we've met before. I'm Angela. 146 00:12:13,407 --> 00:12:14,704 You like me? 147 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,709 We just took a test together. 148 00:12:20,481 --> 00:12:23,416 You guys must've been in a zone when you were taking that test. 149 00:12:23,484 --> 00:12:25,884 - We sat right next to each other. - Hey, what's going on? 150 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,648 How you guys doin'? 151 00:12:27,721 --> 00:12:29,655 - We're fine. - Are you having a good day? 152 00:12:29,723 --> 00:12:30,655 - Yeah. - Cool. 153 00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:33,750 You guys know where Professor Markoe's office is? 154 00:12:35,529 --> 00:12:37,963 Yeah, Professor Markoe's office? 155 00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:41,458 I think it's right the "F" over there. 156 00:12:41,535 --> 00:12:43,969 Can you see I'm having a goddamn conversation? 157 00:12:44,038 --> 00:12:46,768 Just back off and go do your stupid-ass thing. 158 00:12:49,843 --> 00:12:54,075 The factis, the midterm has already been, and you missed it. 159 00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,672 You guys mustnot have heard me. 160 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:59,510 I'm Sam Schechter. I got hit by a truck today. 161 00:12:59,586 --> 00:13:01,520 I heard all of that. 162 00:13:01,588 --> 00:13:05,285 - What the heck is going on? - Professor Markoe, thank God. 163 00:13:05,359 --> 00:13:08,294 Listen, I got hit by a truck today. 164 00:13:08,362 --> 00:13:10,626 All I want is to take the midterm. 165 00:13:10,698 --> 00:13:13,758 Hit by a truck? Are you okay? 166 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,927 He got hit by a truck! 167 00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,937 Okay, but is he all right? 168 00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:22,533 I got hit by a truck. I got a busted tibia. 169 00:13:23,644 --> 00:13:25,578 My rib cage is very tender. 170 00:13:27,147 --> 00:13:28,808 My testicle turned blue. 171 00:13:28,882 --> 00:13:33,581 Why don't you drop your trousers and we'll examine 'em. 172 00:13:34,321 --> 00:13:38,553 The color of your balls won't change the fact that you missed the midterm. 173 00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:42,288 If it'll help me take the midterm, I'm happy to show everyone my balls. 174 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,058 We don't wanna see that. 175 00:13:44,131 --> 00:13:46,463 Forget about looking at the balls. 176 00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,865 You're gonna take the midterm. 177 00:13:48,936 --> 00:13:52,497 And you are gonna let him take it at your desk. 178 00:13:52,573 --> 00:13:55,565 -You'll have to move until he's through. -I gotta take it somewhere. 179 00:13:55,642 --> 00:13:59,806 And I want you to give him all the time he needs. 180 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,438 Good luck, kid. 181 00:14:03,584 --> 00:14:05,518 I'm tellin' you... 182 00:14:05,586 --> 00:14:07,520 tell that motherfucker to go. 183 00:14:07,588 --> 00:14:11,080 He is no damn good. I bet he got crabs. 184 00:14:12,826 --> 00:14:16,193 Yeah, girl. Put on my hot boots, get my groove on. 185 00:14:17,264 --> 00:14:18,856 - Yeah. - Well, I'm finished. 186 00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,994 Think I did pretty good. 187 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:25,997 Shotgun. 188 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:31,010 Boys, to a very successful operation. Possibly one ofour last. 189 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:33,603 Which I masterminded, by the way. 190 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,012 We'll give you that. 191 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:39,849 It's not too soon, I say. I think the well's sorta run dry. 192 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,854 Let's get the heck outta here. 193 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,856 - You're ready to go to law school? - Absolutely. 194 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:47,655 Jeff's gonna get out too. He's gonna be a financial master of the universe. 195 00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:50,959 - That'll help me get some fine bitches. - It's time to move on, man. 196 00:14:51,031 --> 00:14:53,556 What do you have that's better than this? This is great. 197 00:14:53,634 --> 00:14:55,568 This is great? This is a shit heap. 198 00:14:55,636 --> 00:14:59,072 I gotta be honest. Best dorm on campus doesn't excite me much anymore. 199 00:14:59,139 --> 00:15:03,041 Areyou kidding? It took four years to build this place. This place is great. 200 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:06,409 You seem scared to move on 'cause you don't know what to do with your life. 201 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,540 -It's okay if you're afraid to graduate. -If you're afraid of the future. 202 00:15:09,616 --> 00:15:14,315 You know what? This is going nowhere. Let's just celebrate our latest win. 203 00:15:14,388 --> 00:15:16,982 - Celebrate how? - The usual way, of course. 204 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,970 The usual way. 205 00:16:09,042 --> 00:16:10,475 Lenny's. 206 00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:12,808 I'll get the birthday club cards. 207 00:16:15,782 --> 00:16:17,716 I say "happy," you say "birthday." 208 00:16:17,784 --> 00:16:18,808 - Happy. - Birthday! 209 00:16:19,686 --> 00:16:21,381 When I say "birthday," you say "party." Birthday. 210 00:16:21,455 --> 00:16:22,319 Party! 211 00:16:23,290 --> 00:16:25,986 - Let's say it. Happy birthday. - Happy birthday! 212 00:16:26,059 --> 00:16:28,823 - Let's party... - Hearty! 213 00:16:29,796 --> 00:16:30,888 Party hearty. 214 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:34,466 Here's to an A-minus, boys, in physics. 215 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,333 - The easy way. - That's right. 216 00:16:37,404 --> 00:16:40,498 That's Sam. Sam cheats for convenience. 217 00:16:40,574 --> 00:16:43,509 At this school, if you can't pass a foreign language exam... 218 00:16:46,847 --> 00:16:48,781 on the otherside of campus. 219 00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:53,777 and never plans to. 220 00:16:53,854 --> 00:16:57,187 The classroom is being threatened by fire. Run from this inferno. 221 00:16:57,257 --> 00:17:00,818 Quickly, quickly! Everyone! You, last student, turn! 222 00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:03,124 Good God, man, what is wrong with you? 223 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,630 You want to end up like burnt breakfast toast? 224 00:17:09,603 --> 00:17:11,594 Your sacrifice puzzles and honors me. 225 00:17:11,672 --> 00:17:14,800 I must leave now. I am a coward. Do not tell anyone. 226 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,003 It was Sam's idea toj oin forces. 227 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,012 Alone we werej ust a couple of freshman cheaters... 228 00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:24,275 but together we were dangerous. 229 00:17:24,351 --> 00:17:26,842 I'm not an evil, lying genius. 230 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,981 I just happen to know a technique. I callit "The Seed of Doubt. " 231 00:17:31,058 --> 00:17:32,719 I'm a commercial airline pilot. 232 00:17:32,793 --> 00:17:36,559 Say it, repeat it, believe it. 233 00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:37,562 Yeah, whatever. 234 00:17:37,631 --> 00:17:39,861 No, no, I'm a commercial airline pilot. 235 00:17:43,704 --> 00:17:46,138 I, ladies... 236 00:17:46,206 --> 00:17:49,175 am a professional, commercial... 237 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:52,234 airline pilot. 238 00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:55,480 - Cool! - Yeah. 239 00:17:55,549 --> 00:17:56,846 Is he a pilot too? 240 00:17:56,917 --> 00:17:58,748 F.B.I. 241 00:17:58,819 --> 00:18:00,116 I got the ugly one. 242 00:18:00,187 --> 00:18:04,089 Jeff bought in sophomore year. He marches to a different drummer. 243 00:18:06,793 --> 00:18:09,023 He's just crazy. 244 00:18:09,096 --> 00:18:13,430 I don't want you to worry about finishing the exam. No one ever does. 245 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,936 That's the way I designed it, so just finish writing whenever you-- 246 00:18:17,004 --> 00:18:21,031 Time's up! Okay, that's it. Time's up. Close your books, stop writing. 247 00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:23,867 Come forward with your papers immediately. 248 00:18:23,944 --> 00:18:25,935 Everybody in the back. 249 00:18:26,013 --> 00:18:28,447 Everybody all the way in the back. 250 00:18:28,515 --> 00:18:30,506 You. Yes, you. 251 00:18:30,584 --> 00:18:33,052 Little Red Riding Hood. Congratulations. 252 00:18:34,054 --> 00:18:36,284 You just got an "F." Come on up. 253 00:18:36,356 --> 00:18:39,382 There's always one in every crowd who doesn't believe me. 254 00:18:39,459 --> 00:18:42,394 You can stop writing, sir. I don't care if you have the cure for cancer. 255 00:18:42,462 --> 00:18:44,453 It's fruitless. You will not pass. 256 00:18:45,866 --> 00:18:48,357 Sir, congratulations. You have failed. 257 00:18:48,435 --> 00:18:51,768 - Do you even know my name? - No, I don't knowyour name. 258 00:18:51,838 --> 00:18:53,806 No, you don't. 259 00:19:02,082 --> 00:19:04,550 What's your name? What's your name? 260 00:19:04,618 --> 00:19:07,553 I've seen a lot of pornos in my day. It's like a trade secret. 261 00:19:07,621 --> 00:19:09,612 Next time you're jackin' off, you sit lndian style. 262 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,625 Believe what you want. At least I get out some. 263 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,662 You go through more tissues than a widow. 264 00:19:15,729 --> 00:19:17,128 What? It's true. 265 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:20,428 Who's the one who just said I've seen a lot of porn? 266 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:24,630 You are a rabid consumer of porn. They have your name on file. 267 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,970 You're the one who masturbates. I'm not the-- 268 00:19:28,675 --> 00:19:30,768 Happy birthday or whatever. 269 00:19:31,812 --> 00:19:32,972 What's up? 270 00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,447 How'd you do on the test? 271 00:19:36,516 --> 00:19:38,746 Well, I fucked up the gravitational constant. 272 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:41,447 Me too. 273 00:19:41,521 --> 00:19:43,455 What's your name again? 274 00:19:45,826 --> 00:19:47,919 Tom Weaver. 275 00:19:47,994 --> 00:19:50,827 Can we help you with something, guy? 276 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:54,166 Oh, my God, how's your leg? 277 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:58,432 Obviously he's a lot better now. Thanks for your concern. 278 00:19:58,505 --> 00:20:01,963 And if you're done trying to hide the baloney pony... 279 00:20:02,042 --> 00:20:03,976 we've got some stuff to eat. 280 00:20:08,548 --> 00:20:10,539 Happy birthday. 281 00:20:10,617 --> 00:20:12,482 Yeah, dude. Happy birthday, man. 282 00:20:12,552 --> 00:20:14,679 - Third one this week. - I'm proud of you. 283 00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:20,326 - Who is that guy? - He's just a bus boy. 284 00:20:42,082 --> 00:20:44,073 Gimme seven! 285 00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:47,484 Hey, you guys are about to enter into a world of pain. 286 00:20:47,554 --> 00:20:50,717 You. I know what you did. I was there. I saw it. 287 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,158 - Move, or you're gonna get hurt. - It's that tweaked bus boy, man. 288 00:20:54,227 --> 00:20:57,458 I know what you did. I was sitting right next to you. Remember me? 289 00:20:57,531 --> 00:21:00,466 Hey, shorty. How's your leg feeling, buddy? 290 00:21:00,534 --> 00:21:03,401 You're playing awfully good for having a broken leg. 291 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,906 Right, homeboy? I'm not kiddin' around, bitch. 292 00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:15,578 Okay, let's see the so-called proof. 293 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:20,848 I got the proof. You were there, Dave. Dave Goodman, 555-01 22. 294 00:21:20,921 --> 00:21:22,786 This is nothin'. 295 00:21:22,856 --> 00:21:24,756 Keep it. I got plenty of copies. 296 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:28,761 Of course, if this were to get out, you guys would probably be expelled. 297 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:31,923 Do you really need a diploma? No. 298 00:21:31,998 --> 00:21:35,934 But, you know, if you wanted to go to a law school, for instance... 299 00:21:36,002 --> 00:21:37,936 that'd be pretty tough. 300 00:21:38,004 --> 00:21:42,805 Or be hired by a prestigious financial firm like Stockton, Upright & Falk. 301 00:21:43,910 --> 00:21:45,537 I'm into that firm. 302 00:21:45,612 --> 00:21:47,273 I know. I saw your name on the interview list. 303 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:50,578 Good luck getting that job. They don't hire cheaters. 304 00:21:52,285 --> 00:21:54,617 Hey, wait! Ethan, wait. Dave. 305 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:55,780 Dave, come on. 306 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:59,121 Okay. What do you want? 307 00:22:02,095 --> 00:22:03,585 I got a proposition for you. 308 00:22:03,663 --> 00:22:06,097 You're obviously amoral... 309 00:22:06,166 --> 00:22:08,327 but certainly clever in your ways. 310 00:22:08,401 --> 00:22:11,165 And you, you may have some... 311 00:22:12,239 --> 00:22:14,673 people skills I may lack. 312 00:22:14,741 --> 00:22:17,505 What do you want? Money? Free dry cleaning? Euro-pass? 313 00:22:17,577 --> 00:22:20,068 No, I don't-- A Euro-pass? No. No! 314 00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:24,476 I want you to get me a girl. 315 00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:26,849 - A girl. - This is college! 316 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,979 Bag your own bitches. 317 00:22:29,055 --> 00:22:31,080 Angela's not a bitch! 318 00:22:33,493 --> 00:22:35,427 Take it easy, man! 319 00:22:36,296 --> 00:22:38,491 Let him go. You gonna be good? 320 00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:41,159 - Yes. Yes. Yes. - Okay. Back away. 321 00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:42,667 I have copies. 322 00:22:42,736 --> 00:22:46,502 - I'm not afraid to expel you. - Take it easy. Relax. 323 00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:48,768 Give me a day. I need to think about this. 324 00:22:48,842 --> 00:22:51,436 This is a tough one. Just give us the night. 325 00:22:55,382 --> 00:22:58,681 They call me Cool Ethan. I live in Heineraker Hall. 326 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,720 All right, cool. We'll find you. 327 00:23:00,787 --> 00:23:02,448 All right? 328 00:23:06,693 --> 00:23:10,129 I didn't like being blackmailed by "Cool Ethan"... 329 00:23:10,196 --> 00:23:12,630 but he did have good taste in women. 330 00:23:12,699 --> 00:23:16,863 Are you fucking insane? This is a major breach of security. 331 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:19,633 This guy could have us kicked out of college, man. 332 00:23:19,706 --> 00:23:22,140 Look, we will get him the girl. 333 00:23:22,208 --> 00:23:24,301 Look, let me explain something to you. 334 00:23:24,377 --> 00:23:27,312 My college career is a house of cards... 335 00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:31,316 glued together with thousands of lies, and now it's being threatened... 336 00:23:31,384 --> 00:23:33,682 - Shut up! - by some schoolboy with a crush? 337 00:23:33,753 --> 00:23:35,687 We'll get him the girl. Relax. 338 00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:39,551 I've been watching you everywhere you go. 339 00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:42,561 Soon you're gonna be mine, aren't you? 340 00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:45,996 Who's that? That's the most beautiful girl in the world. 341 00:23:46,066 --> 00:23:48,000 I like you. 342 00:23:48,068 --> 00:23:50,832 Everything here, you touched it, baby. 343 00:23:50,904 --> 00:23:55,341 We're gonna get married one day and have 23 little kiddies. 344 00:23:55,408 --> 00:23:57,672 And I'm gonna get ajob at Stockton, Upright & Falk... 345 00:23:57,744 --> 00:23:59,905 and be so rich that you're gonna love me forever. 346 00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:02,847 And we're gonna have sex in my bedroom 347 00:24:08,088 --> 00:24:11,524 Guys, we're a team. Back me up. What do you say, huh? 348 00:24:13,093 --> 00:24:16,256 Just promise me this has nothing to do with the girl. 349 00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:19,594 Hey, this has nothing to do with the girl. 350 00:24:22,035 --> 00:24:25,232 Don'tyou fuckin' "Seed of Doubt" us, man. 351 00:24:25,305 --> 00:24:27,466 This has nothing... 352 00:24:27,540 --> 00:24:29,940 to do... 353 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,308 with the girl. 354 00:24:37,384 --> 00:24:39,318 Okay. I'll buy it. 355 00:24:39,386 --> 00:24:43,220 Thanks.Jeff, I got a job for you. You'll start tomorrow. 356 00:24:43,289 --> 00:24:46,383 - Sam, come on. I know you're in. - Fuck. 357 00:24:49,662 --> 00:24:51,596 Yo, wake up. 358 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,735 - I brought you coffee. - I don't touch that stuff. 359 00:24:56,803 --> 00:24:58,464 - Can I come in? - No. 360 00:24:58,538 --> 00:25:01,803 No one comes into Ethan's room. Ethan's rules. 361 00:25:04,677 --> 00:25:06,110 What's that smell? 362 00:25:06,179 --> 00:25:09,842 Maybe it's the smell of your ass getting kicked out of school. 363 00:25:09,916 --> 00:25:11,850 Well, enough of this gay banter. 364 00:25:11,918 --> 00:25:13,977 - We're gonna get you the girl. - On what day? 365 00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:16,488 Well, let's say on Monday. 366 00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:18,922 - Tuesdays are better. - Tuesdays-- 367 00:25:18,992 --> 00:25:20,983 - It'll be a Tuesday. - Great. 368 00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:23,086 You're smart. I like you. 369 00:25:23,163 --> 00:25:25,097 I'll probably give you a nickname. 370 00:25:29,235 --> 00:25:32,671 We needed a plan to get into Angela's room, so Jeff knocked. 371 00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:37,543 Yoo-hoo! It's Steve Pasternak looking for Angela. 372 00:25:37,610 --> 00:25:39,771 - Angela, please. - Do I fuckin' know you? 373 00:25:39,846 --> 00:25:43,179 I lent Angela my notebook because I take such "world-famous" notes. 374 00:25:43,249 --> 00:25:45,274 So I was wondering if I could-- 375 00:25:45,351 --> 00:25:47,319 Are you busy with something? 376 00:25:47,387 --> 00:25:50,515 Yeah. I was masturbating. 377 00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:55,027 Masturbating. In the dorms. 378 00:25:55,095 --> 00:25:58,656 Well, that's what you get when you go to art school. 379 00:25:58,731 --> 00:26:01,791 What do you want, her room? Right over there. 380 00:26:02,969 --> 00:26:06,461 - Thank you. - Don't touch anything. 381 00:26:08,174 --> 00:26:11,075 So, do you know what the book looks like? 382 00:26:11,144 --> 00:26:14,545 Let me tell you what it looks like. It's a very distinctive note-- 383 00:26:15,548 --> 00:26:17,539 Some of my notebook had her handwriting in it. 384 00:26:32,065 --> 00:26:36,001 There's really nothing here. Someone's going to have to make contact. 385 00:26:36,069 --> 00:26:38,003 I will break, I will enter... 386 00:26:38,071 --> 00:26:40,665 I will torch, I will shatter, I will rifle... 387 00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:42,674 I will pillage, I will probe... 388 00:26:42,742 --> 00:26:46,178 but I'm really not comfortable just talking to a girl. 389 00:26:46,246 --> 00:26:48,180 You know what, boys? 390 00:26:48,248 --> 00:26:51,183 Why don'tyoujust let me take care ofit? 391 00:26:51,251 --> 00:26:55,688 You treat a hot girl like dirt and she'll stick to you like mud. 392 00:27:02,128 --> 00:27:05,256 Watch where you're going, you skanky-ass bitch. 393 00:27:05,331 --> 00:27:07,026 - Cocksucker. - Slut. 394 00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:09,034 - Butt-wipe. - Ho. 395 00:27:09,102 --> 00:27:10,797 Monkey boy. 396 00:27:18,311 --> 00:27:21,405 Maybe I should make the contact. What do you think? 397 00:27:21,481 --> 00:27:22,607 Sam? 398 00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:28,621 Swirling gases growing hotter and hotter... 399 00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:31,782 until it reaches a critical temperature... 400 00:27:31,858 --> 00:27:35,555 and transforms itself into the most awesome sight in the universe. 401 00:27:35,628 --> 00:27:38,563 What is this sight called? Anybody? 402 00:27:42,902 --> 00:27:45,803 Remember me? Dave. I'm a friend of Ethan's. 403 00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:47,806 - We're in the middle of class. - You know. Cool Ethan. 404 00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:52,777 Here. These are for you. Hey. 405 00:27:52,845 --> 00:27:56,178 Look at the matches. He's in the inside. 406 00:27:58,551 --> 00:28:01,850 - That's Cool Ethan. - I don't know who Ethan is. 407 00:28:01,921 --> 00:28:03,786 You don't know who Cool Ethan is? 408 00:28:03,856 --> 00:28:06,154 You, our new friend with the pipe. 409 00:28:08,261 --> 00:28:10,161 What's the formula for finding critical mass? 410 00:28:10,230 --> 00:28:11,697 Keep 'em. 411 00:28:15,568 --> 00:28:17,502 True. 412 00:28:23,576 --> 00:28:26,443 - I don't know, man. - Hello, dark angel. 413 00:28:26,512 --> 00:28:29,276 Fuckin' dinner on a budget. 414 00:28:29,349 --> 00:28:30,441 What'd you guys get? 415 00:28:31,684 --> 00:28:35,142 I got some term papers, some E-mails and this "dream guy" survey. 416 00:28:35,221 --> 00:28:38,281 - I don't know what it means. - This shit is cheesier. 417 00:28:38,358 --> 00:28:40,292 You're right. 418 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,057 Dream guy, huh? "Intelligent, good-looking, smart, funny." 419 00:28:45,131 --> 00:28:47,156 Sam, where'd you say she was from? 420 00:28:47,233 --> 00:28:48,860 She's a local. 421 00:28:49,969 --> 00:28:53,405 A local, huh? Looks like I'm gonna be making a visit to the Patton's house. 422 00:28:57,877 --> 00:28:59,606 - Charles Patton? - Yes. 423 00:28:59,679 --> 00:29:01,442 Ron Mathius, US Census Bureau. 424 00:29:01,514 --> 00:29:03,414 You've been selected for a personal information session. 425 00:29:03,483 --> 00:29:06,247 - Is that bad? - No, that's good, sir. 426 00:29:06,319 --> 00:29:10,221 - Aren't you young for government work? - I'm not a GS-11 yet, no. 427 00:29:10,290 --> 00:29:12,884 - I'm just a GS-4, but-- - GS-4! 428 00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:14,893 - Shall we do it? - Let's get it on. 429 00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:17,429 - All right, then. - Come in. 430 00:29:17,497 --> 00:29:19,931 We at the Census Bureau like to dig a little deeper... 431 00:29:19,999 --> 00:29:22,524 find out the stuff thatjust doesn't translate to paper-- 432 00:29:22,602 --> 00:29:24,536 Wow! What a beautiful home. 433 00:29:24,604 --> 00:29:27,038 Well, then, you should meet the decorator. 434 00:29:27,106 --> 00:29:30,132 Ron Mathius, Census Bureau, my wife Valerie. 435 00:29:33,613 --> 00:29:36,309 - Great job. Yeah. - Oh, thankyou. 436 00:29:36,382 --> 00:29:38,077 - Would you like a drink? - Yes! 437 00:29:38,151 --> 00:29:40,085 Well, you're gonna get a drink. 438 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:42,280 That's adorable. 439 00:29:43,089 --> 00:29:45,956 - This is your only female dependent? - Yes. 440 00:29:46,025 --> 00:29:49,461 In that case, I'm gonna need a passport, a birth certificate... 441 00:29:49,529 --> 00:29:53,625 social security number, diary, vaccination reports and... 442 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:55,395 that pretty much wraps it up. 443 00:29:55,468 --> 00:29:59,302 - Okay, let me go see what I can find. - That would be a really big help. 444 00:30:00,206 --> 00:30:01,639 Wonderful. Super. 445 00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:04,776 He really is a sweet man. 446 00:30:04,844 --> 00:30:06,778 - He's a sweetheart. - Yeah. 447 00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:08,780 He's great. 448 00:30:08,848 --> 00:30:11,282 This is a very lovely house you have here. 449 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:12,682 - Oh, thankyou. - You're welcome. 450 00:30:12,752 --> 00:30:14,879 - I like to decorate. - I can see that. 451 00:30:14,954 --> 00:30:16,945 - And I do my own gardening. - Your own gardening? 452 00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:19,048 - And decoupage. - Decoupage? 453 00:30:19,125 --> 00:30:22,424 I love to suck cock. And I arrange flowers too. 454 00:30:22,495 --> 00:30:24,895 Where's those school records, honey? 455 00:30:24,964 --> 00:30:27,899 In the back of her closet, in the shoe box. 456 00:30:27,967 --> 00:30:31,232 Shoe box! Yes! I knew that. 457 00:30:31,304 --> 00:30:32,965 Oh, shit. 458 00:30:33,039 --> 00:30:34,472 What now? 459 00:30:36,909 --> 00:30:39,173 "My ideal guy has... 460 00:30:39,245 --> 00:30:42,180 childlike wonder, maturity... 461 00:30:42,248 --> 00:30:45,012 blue eyes, honesty... 462 00:30:45,084 --> 00:30:48,019 knows what to say without being told." 463 00:30:49,589 --> 00:30:52,023 Does that sound like anybody toyou? 464 00:30:52,091 --> 00:30:54,025 Forest Whitaker? 465 00:30:55,094 --> 00:30:56,857 Dave. 466 00:30:57,630 --> 00:30:59,962 What the hell areyou doing? 467 00:31:02,235 --> 00:31:05,966 House rules. You don't make your own drinks. Valerie makes your drinks. 468 00:31:06,038 --> 00:31:08,529 Where is Valerie? 469 00:31:08,608 --> 00:31:10,542 Well, whileyou're back there-- 470 00:31:11,711 --> 00:31:13,645 He's not gonna sell us out for a girl. 471 00:31:13,713 --> 00:31:15,772 - He might. - I don't think he will. 472 00:31:15,848 --> 00:31:18,783 -He might. -I know Dave, and I don't think he will. 473 00:31:18,851 --> 00:31:21,285 - Thankyou. - Let me showyou-- 474 00:31:21,354 --> 00:31:24,619 You know what? I know where the door is. You have a pleasant day. 475 00:31:24,690 --> 00:31:27,124 I'm gonna-- Thankyou. Good-bye. 476 00:31:27,193 --> 00:31:29,627 No, thankyou. Thankyou for coming. 477 00:31:31,330 --> 00:31:35,630 And where have you been hiding all this time, my little monkey? 478 00:31:45,077 --> 00:31:49,013 I got lucky at her parents's house and hit the motherlode of information. 479 00:31:49,081 --> 00:31:51,015 I mean, Angela was perfect-- 480 00:31:51,083 --> 00:31:55,349 4.0 GPA, volunteer at a hospital and a homeless shelter. 481 00:31:55,421 --> 00:31:58,356 I mean, the girl's neve reven had a cavity. 482 00:32:00,159 --> 00:32:03,492 Okay, I'm done. "X" marks the spot. I'm here. Peace. 483 00:32:03,563 --> 00:32:06,157 Dudes, I'm breaking off so I can find my homeys. 484 00:32:06,232 --> 00:32:08,200 - Whatever. - Okay, cool. 485 00:32:11,270 --> 00:32:14,205 - So, what's the status with the girl? - Just a second. 486 00:32:14,273 --> 00:32:16,537 - Go with the hospital? - Yeah. 487 00:32:17,944 --> 00:32:20,276 So she volunteers at this hospital-- 488 00:32:20,346 --> 00:32:22,837 Nope. Oh, no. No hospitals. 489 00:32:22,915 --> 00:32:25,850 - No hospitals. - You can talk to her at the hospital. 490 00:32:25,918 --> 00:32:27,749 What would me say? 491 00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:30,084 You're right. She wouldn't like you. So we're gonna trick her. 492 00:32:30,156 --> 00:32:32,954 We're gonna tell her you have a girlfriend. 493 00:32:33,025 --> 00:32:35,619 - It's less threatening. - Find a new plan. 494 00:32:35,695 --> 00:32:38,630 I'm kicking you guys out unless you find a new place. No hospitals. 495 00:32:38,698 --> 00:32:40,325 You're not getting me to go to a hospital. 496 00:32:40,399 --> 00:32:43,425 - It's a beautiful hospital. - That's what they said before. 497 00:32:58,918 --> 00:33:01,011 - Angela, you're a big help. - Thanks. 498 00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:05,650 Ethan. 499 00:33:05,725 --> 00:33:07,215 Ethan. Right. From, um-- 500 00:33:07,293 --> 00:33:09,784 - Physics. - Yeah. 501 00:33:09,862 --> 00:33:12,660 - How areyou? - I'm cool. 502 00:33:12,732 --> 00:33:16,964 I didn't know that you volunteered here at the hospital. 503 00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:19,470 Well, I don't. I'm here 'cause you're here. Just kidding. 504 00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:22,406 I just hate watching people suffer... 505 00:33:22,475 --> 00:33:25,535 so I figure why not put things in perspective and help out, you know? 506 00:33:25,611 --> 00:33:28,307 My girlfriend's also a doctor up in Boston. I think I love her. 507 00:33:28,381 --> 00:33:30,315 - Oh, really? - Yeah. You need any help? 508 00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:36,355 Hi, Mrs. Van Graf. I'm Angela, a student volunteer here. 509 00:33:36,422 --> 00:33:38,356 We brought you your lunch. 510 00:33:38,424 --> 00:33:40,790 Well, I don't want any lunch. 511 00:33:40,860 --> 00:33:43,522 Okay, that's fine. We don't have to have lunch. 512 00:33:43,596 --> 00:33:47,225 We could just have a conversation, learn more about you. 513 00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:50,633 - I'm Ethan. - I don't want to talk either. 514 00:33:50,703 --> 00:33:52,671 I'm sure there's a lot we could talk about. 515 00:33:52,738 --> 00:33:54,171 We could watch TV. 516 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:59,303 No, actually, I think maybe we should learn more about Mrs. Van Grafhere. 517 00:33:59,378 --> 00:34:01,437 Like, are you from this area? 518 00:34:02,148 --> 00:34:03,376 Hell no. 519 00:34:03,449 --> 00:34:05,679 - I came here forwork. - What did you do? 520 00:34:05,751 --> 00:34:07,514 I worked the docks. 521 00:34:08,287 --> 00:34:10,517 See? She worked on the docks. That's fascinating. 522 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:13,150 I mean, most women weren't the least bit interested-- 523 00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:15,193 I used to be a whore. 524 00:34:22,101 --> 00:34:25,468 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy-- Are you okay? 525 00:34:25,538 --> 00:34:27,165 - Are you okay? - Get Dr. Danvers! 526 00:34:29,909 --> 00:34:32,844 - Ethan's gonna take care of this. - Go get Dr. Danvers! 527 00:34:32,912 --> 00:34:34,846 - I'll be right back. - I'm gonna stay. 528 00:34:34,914 --> 00:34:36,905 I'm new, so bear with me. 529 00:34:36,983 --> 00:34:40,475 Oh, I'm so hot. I'm overheating. 530 00:34:40,553 --> 00:34:42,987 - Do you need a Fresca? - No, I don't need a Fresca. 531 00:34:43,055 --> 00:34:45,421 - What can I get you? - A sponge bath. 532 00:34:45,491 --> 00:34:47,425 - Over there. - A sponge bath? 533 00:34:47,493 --> 00:34:50,860 - Yeah. - Well, I've only sponged myself, but-- 534 00:34:50,930 --> 00:34:53,262 - Sponge bath. - Okay, here I come. 535 00:34:53,332 --> 00:34:55,266 Holy-- 536 00:34:55,334 --> 00:34:58,394 Oh, sponge me. 537 00:34:58,471 --> 00:35:01,269 Oh, so very hot. 538 00:35:02,274 --> 00:35:03,901 Is that better? 539 00:35:03,976 --> 00:35:05,910 - Yes. - You like that? 540 00:35:05,978 --> 00:35:08,037 - You've got great hands. - Oh, thank you. 541 00:35:08,114 --> 00:35:10,048 You've got a great rack. 542 00:35:10,116 --> 00:35:12,050 So, you're cooling off, right? 543 00:35:12,118 --> 00:35:14,245 No, I'm just getting hotter. 544 00:35:14,954 --> 00:35:17,445 - Okay, so,just on the boobies? - Great sponger! 545 00:35:17,523 --> 00:35:20,686 - Wanna make sure we got everything. - Oh, you got it. 546 00:35:21,627 --> 00:35:23,561 - What are you doing? - Sponge bath. 547 00:35:23,629 --> 00:35:25,995 - That is against hospital regulation. - Let a professional do that. 548 00:35:26,065 --> 00:35:29,557 - You're not supposed to be doing that. - Put the sponge down. 549 00:35:29,635 --> 00:35:32,900 - This is his first day. - The dirty old whore told me to do it. 550 00:35:32,972 --> 00:35:34,769 Get away from the patient! 551 00:35:37,309 --> 00:35:41,746 And then it just so happens that they walk in when I'm sucking on her nipple. 552 00:35:44,550 --> 00:35:46,484 So you fingered an old lady? 553 00:35:46,552 --> 00:35:49,146 She was asking for it. 554 00:35:49,221 --> 00:35:51,655 It's totally fixable from where I'm standing. 555 00:35:51,724 --> 00:35:54,818 How hard can it be? I mean, right, Sam? 556 00:35:54,894 --> 00:35:57,055 Dave, could you talk to Angela for me? 557 00:35:57,129 --> 00:35:59,063 Yeah, I could talk to her. 558 00:36:00,533 --> 00:36:02,501 I was hoping you'd say that... 559 00:36:02,568 --> 00:36:05,503 'cause I'd really hate to kick you guys out of school. 560 00:36:09,608 --> 00:36:12,475 All right, dudes. See you later. 561 00:36:16,248 --> 00:36:17,374 You. 562 00:36:17,450 --> 00:36:19,975 You were right. We should study together. 563 00:36:20,052 --> 00:36:22,577 - I never said that. - It'd be a good idea. 564 00:36:22,655 --> 00:36:26,113 - So you use my notes, I do the work-- - I'm not gonna use your notes. 565 00:36:26,192 --> 00:36:29,127 To tell you the truth, I've got a photographic memory. 566 00:36:29,195 --> 00:36:31,288 I mean, I practically know everything. 567 00:36:31,363 --> 00:36:33,297 Try me. 568 00:36:33,365 --> 00:36:35,799 - We don't have to do this. - Just try me. 569 00:36:35,868 --> 00:36:38,302 - Okay, what's the fastest land mammal? - Cheetah. 570 00:36:39,638 --> 00:36:41,333 What's the only country to straddle two continents? 571 00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:42,965 Turkey. I got one. 572 00:36:43,042 --> 00:36:46,102 A guy and his son are driving and they get in an accident. 573 00:36:46,178 --> 00:36:49,113 - They go to a hospital-- - And the mother was a doctor. 574 00:36:49,181 --> 00:36:50,944 You see? We got chemistry. 575 00:36:51,016 --> 00:36:52,779 Wow. Did you feel that? 576 00:36:52,852 --> 00:36:54,786 Yeah, it's electric. 577 00:36:56,989 --> 00:36:59,423 All right, there's a study group Wednesday nights. 578 00:36:59,492 --> 00:37:01,426 507 Obal Hall. 579 00:37:03,863 --> 00:37:05,797 Put that in your photographic memory. 580 00:37:11,704 --> 00:37:15,231 - What about this? - Is this a study group or a date? 581 00:37:16,408 --> 00:37:17,841 It's a study group. 582 00:37:17,910 --> 00:37:21,505 I just invited that guy Dave. 583 00:37:21,580 --> 00:37:24,515 Hypothetically, if there is no Ethan, she's not your type? 584 00:37:24,583 --> 00:37:25,845 She's not my type. 585 00:37:25,918 --> 00:37:28,352 Her gorgeous face and pert breasts disgust you, right? 586 00:37:28,420 --> 00:37:30,854 The thing is, she's got this-- 587 00:37:33,759 --> 00:37:36,694 Are you gettin' the special tingle from this boy? 588 00:37:38,430 --> 00:37:40,694 You're getting the special tingle! 589 00:37:40,766 --> 00:37:44,065 - It's not the tingle that worries me. - What is it? 590 00:37:45,771 --> 00:37:46,863 It's the guy. 591 00:37:46,939 --> 00:37:48,736 You start to change for somebody... 592 00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:50,605 and before long they change you. 593 00:37:50,676 --> 00:37:52,769 - You know, and this is-- - Right, right, right. 594 00:37:52,845 --> 00:37:54,870 - This is who I am. - That's interesting. 595 00:37:54,947 --> 00:37:58,781 You know my policy. You gotta show the boobs and work the ass. 596 00:37:59,718 --> 00:38:01,242 I have no boobs. 597 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,185 You're right. We'll work the ass. 598 00:38:06,358 --> 00:38:09,293 -Hi, Angela. -This is Dave. He's gonna study with us. 599 00:38:09,361 --> 00:38:11,056 Like David and Goliath. 600 00:38:11,130 --> 00:38:14,122 You know, maybe you're an expert in astrophysics... 601 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,134 but some ofus could use some study time. 602 00:38:16,202 --> 00:38:19,069 Who really cares about this crap? 603 00:38:19,138 --> 00:38:21,629 About a billion Alpha Centaurians. 604 00:38:21,707 --> 00:38:26,076 I am so sick of people sitting in a room... 605 00:38:27,580 --> 00:38:30,515 studying and wasting the most important years of their life... 606 00:38:30,583 --> 00:38:33,313 worrying about what some dipshit is gonna say on a test. 607 00:38:33,385 --> 00:38:36,320 This is where it's at. We should really get out. 608 00:38:36,388 --> 00:38:39,323 So, the concerns of the little people don't apply to visionaries like you? 609 00:38:39,391 --> 00:38:43,487 It's wasn't you. It was the guys in the room. It was hot in there and-- 610 00:38:43,562 --> 00:38:47,498 - You're holding my hand. - Well, we might hit a patch of ice. 611 00:38:52,204 --> 00:38:54,798 - So I got this plan. - What's the plan? 612 00:38:56,442 --> 00:39:01,004 I plan to take you to this place where you can actually study the real thing... 613 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,378 and not what's in the textbook. 614 00:39:03,449 --> 00:39:04,939 What doyou say? 615 00:39:05,017 --> 00:39:07,485 - I'd say it's a good plan. - All right, then. 616 00:39:07,553 --> 00:39:10,784 What one's that? The one that looks like the Death Star. 617 00:39:12,224 --> 00:39:13,816 That's Castratia. 618 00:39:16,061 --> 00:39:19,997 The myth has it that she's the most beautiful of all the goddesses... 619 00:39:20,065 --> 00:39:23,000 and any mortal man who would try to court her... 620 00:39:23,068 --> 00:39:27,334 she would slice his manhood off. 621 00:39:29,008 --> 00:39:30,839 - Come on, no. - No, seriously. 622 00:39:30,910 --> 00:39:32,878 - No. Come on. - Yes. Seriously. 623 00:39:32,945 --> 00:39:34,879 - Really? - No. 624 00:40:04,410 --> 00:40:07,379 You know what? My arm's getting numb. 625 00:40:07,446 --> 00:40:09,073 Oh, I'm sorry. 626 00:40:09,148 --> 00:40:11,082 - Sorry. - That's okay. That's fine. 627 00:40:11,150 --> 00:40:13,744 It does that, you know. 628 00:40:21,894 --> 00:40:24,328 Was that wrong? 629 00:40:24,396 --> 00:40:26,057 No. No, I mean-- 630 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,194 Because-- I'm sorry. I just thought that-- 631 00:40:31,270 --> 00:40:32,828 Let me just explain. 632 00:40:32,905 --> 00:40:34,668 I got this friend, and-- 633 00:40:36,241 --> 00:40:38,835 He really likes you, and I cannot do that to him. 634 00:40:38,911 --> 00:40:42,005 You're a very beautiful girl, but, you know, he's-- 635 00:40:42,081 --> 00:40:44,345 - I grew up with him-- - What friend? 636 00:40:44,416 --> 00:40:47,852 His name's Ethan. You don't know him? Everybody knows him. 637 00:40:50,589 --> 00:40:51,681 I know Ethan. 638 00:40:51,757 --> 00:40:54,055 He's a great guy, and-- 639 00:40:54,126 --> 00:40:58,563 I guess I just don't understand what Ethan has to do with... 640 00:40:58,630 --> 00:41:01,793 you and me. 641 00:41:01,867 --> 00:41:03,266 Give him a chance. 642 00:41:03,335 --> 00:41:06,395 You'd really get along with him. 643 00:41:06,472 --> 00:41:08,406 You know, Cool Ethan. 644 00:41:11,643 --> 00:41:13,338 Okay, Dave. 645 00:41:14,847 --> 00:41:17,111 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes 646 00:41:18,484 --> 00:41:20,349 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain 647 00:41:20,419 --> 00:41:22,182 She'll be comin' 'round them ountain 648 00:41:22,254 --> 00:41:24,085 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain 649 00:41:24,156 --> 00:41:26,124 When she comes Now you! 650 00:41:26,191 --> 00:41:27,590 She'll be ridin'six white horses 651 00:41:27,659 --> 00:41:29,149 When she comes 652 00:41:29,228 --> 00:41:30,786 She'll be riding six white horses 653 00:41:30,863 --> 00:41:32,763 When she comes 654 00:41:32,831 --> 00:41:34,423 She'll be riding six white horses 655 00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:36,434 She'll be riding six white horses 656 00:41:36,502 --> 00:41:39,960 She'llberidingsix whitehorses 657 00:41:40,039 --> 00:41:41,973 When she comes 658 00:41:44,009 --> 00:41:45,943 -Jeff, it's Dave. - Yeah? 659 00:41:46,011 --> 00:41:48,309 - What were you doing? - Nothing. Nothing at all. 660 00:41:48,380 --> 00:41:51,247 Check out Ethan's schedule for me. Where is he now? 661 00:41:51,316 --> 00:41:53,784 Yeah, he should be heading for the library right now. 662 00:41:53,852 --> 00:41:56,286 - Awesome. Thanks, man. - Don't worry about it. 663 00:41:58,390 --> 00:41:59,448 Where were we? 664 00:42:06,432 --> 00:42:08,297 You. Come here. 665 00:42:08,367 --> 00:42:10,801 Have you talked to her? Does she understand? 666 00:42:10,869 --> 00:42:14,805 She was a little suspicious at first, but I'm dealing with it. 667 00:42:14,873 --> 00:42:16,306 This is so "F"-ed up. 668 00:42:16,375 --> 00:42:19,310 You said you could get me a complete profile ofwhat she wants in a guy. 669 00:42:19,378 --> 00:42:22,211 How do you know that she's "the one"? 670 00:42:22,281 --> 00:42:23,714 I just do. 671 00:42:23,782 --> 00:42:27,718 Besides the fact that she's beautiful, smart and funny, how do you know? 672 00:42:29,288 --> 00:42:31,222 Because of the way she smiles. 673 00:42:31,290 --> 00:42:33,224 Because of her smile. 674 00:42:33,292 --> 00:42:36,728 Because when I close my eyes all I see is her face laughing and moving... 675 00:42:36,795 --> 00:42:40,026 and screaming and screaming and screaming... 676 00:42:40,099 --> 00:42:42,033 and screaming and screaming. 677 00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:44,296 - I thought you said you loved her. - Why do you care? 678 00:42:44,369 --> 00:42:46,929 - I'm just trying to figure it out. - Yes, I love her! 679 00:42:47,005 --> 00:42:49,405 - Yes, I love her completely. - You love her. 680 00:42:49,475 --> 00:42:51,033 And I hate her completely. 681 00:42:51,110 --> 00:42:54,511 But that's something I want to work on with just her, me and her together... 682 00:42:54,580 --> 00:42:56,013 in a locked room. 683 00:42:56,081 --> 00:42:59,346 So bring me the girl, Dave, or you and your friends are goin' down. 684 00:43:08,794 --> 00:43:10,489 We have plenty to eat. 685 00:43:10,562 --> 00:43:12,860 Vegetarians on this side, meat over here. 686 00:43:12,931 --> 00:43:14,865 Hey, how are you, Bill? 687 00:43:14,933 --> 00:43:16,867 - How's everything going? Good? - Okay. 688 00:43:16,935 --> 00:43:19,927 Angela? Weird! 689 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,374 Ethan, what are you doing here? 690 00:43:23,442 --> 00:43:26,673 Well, I'm in the food service industry and I like bums, so it's kinda my duty. 691 00:43:26,745 --> 00:43:29,179 Okay. 692 00:43:29,248 --> 00:43:32,445 - Angela? - Yeah. Hi. How areya? 693 00:43:32,518 --> 00:43:36,045 While I've got you here, could I ask your advice on something? 694 00:43:36,121 --> 00:43:38,055 Yeah, sure. What's up? 695 00:43:38,123 --> 00:43:41,820 Well, it's kind of about my girlfriend Stephanie. 696 00:43:41,894 --> 00:43:43,225 Oh, yeah, your girlfriend. 697 00:43:43,295 --> 00:43:46,230 I just need a woman's POV on the whole "sitch." 698 00:43:46,298 --> 00:43:49,893 Actually, you know what? Can I talk to you about something? 699 00:43:49,968 --> 00:43:50,900 Sure. 700 00:43:50,969 --> 00:43:54,905 I kinda wanted to talk to you about us, if that's cool. 701 00:43:54,973 --> 00:43:56,907 Yeah, fine. 702 00:43:56,975 --> 00:43:58,909 I know you don't have a girlfriend, Ethan. 703 00:43:58,977 --> 00:44:00,945 And I know that you like me. 704 00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:04,141 You know, this is kinda-- Can I just be honest? 705 00:44:04,216 --> 00:44:06,241 Go ahead, go ahead. 706 00:44:07,386 --> 00:44:09,547 I really like someone else. 707 00:44:10,622 --> 00:44:12,556 Do you-- Did you-- 708 00:44:12,624 --> 00:44:16,253 Oh, my God, I am so sorry. I led you on. 709 00:44:17,329 --> 00:44:20,730 Angela, I like you as a friend. 710 00:44:20,799 --> 00:44:22,289 You're the sweetest thing. 711 00:44:22,367 --> 00:44:23,664 - Oh, my God. - Really? 712 00:44:23,735 --> 00:44:25,669 Yes, you completely misinterpreted everything. 713 00:44:25,737 --> 00:44:27,602 You're not my type. 714 00:44:27,673 --> 00:44:29,504 - Don't worry. - God, I'm so embarrassed. 715 00:44:29,575 --> 00:44:31,509 It happens all the time. It's cool. 716 00:44:31,577 --> 00:44:34,239 I'm really happy that we got this cleared up... 717 00:44:34,313 --> 00:44:36,508 because the guy that I like is your friend Dave. 718 00:44:36,582 --> 00:44:38,516 - Dave! - Yeah! 719 00:44:38,584 --> 00:44:40,643 Fudge! 720 00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:44,018 I can't stop thinking about him. I can't shut up about him. 721 00:44:44,089 --> 00:44:46,319 I know! You can't shut up about him! 722 00:44:46,391 --> 00:44:50,327 - You want me to go talk to him? - Would you really? 723 00:44:50,395 --> 00:44:54,798 No problem. I'll put it in my book. I'll say, "Talk to Dave about Angela." 724 00:44:54,866 --> 00:44:56,493 Don't worry. 725 00:44:56,568 --> 00:45:00,004 Come here. Let's get these lousy sons of bitches something to eat, huh? 726 00:45:05,143 --> 00:45:09,375 Maybe she needs a little sponge bath. She's so dirty. 727 00:45:09,448 --> 00:45:11,143 Put the underwear on your head, Ethan! 728 00:45:11,216 --> 00:45:14,344 Please! Oh, Ethan, put the underwear on your head! 729 00:45:14,419 --> 00:45:16,614 - No! No! - I love it! 730 00:45:16,688 --> 00:45:18,986 You shut up, Dave! You shut up, Dave! 731 00:45:19,057 --> 00:45:20,354 Does that feel good? 732 00:45:22,194 --> 00:45:24,321 Does that feel good? 733 00:45:24,396 --> 00:45:26,796 Ethan, what are you doing? 734 00:45:29,034 --> 00:45:31,366 I'm not gonna eat that shit, you fuckin' retard. 735 00:45:32,404 --> 00:45:35,168 No one calls me a retard, you freakin' hobo! 736 00:45:38,810 --> 00:45:39,902 Get his shoes! 737 00:45:43,448 --> 00:45:46,383 It's still 22 to 3, mine. 738 00:45:46,451 --> 00:45:48,612 I thinkwe could do better than that. 739 00:45:48,687 --> 00:45:50,621 Come on! 740 00:45:50,689 --> 00:45:53,123 What is that, man? You wearing musk? 741 00:45:53,191 --> 00:45:56,718 Oh, yeah. I'm going to sing with this band tonight. 742 00:45:56,795 --> 00:45:59,355 - What? You don't sing. - No, I sing. 743 00:45:59,431 --> 00:46:01,729 - Bullshit. You don't sing. - I sing! 744 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,768 I sing. 745 00:46:03,835 --> 00:46:06,895 - If you sing, right now sing. - I'm saving my voice. 746 00:46:10,442 --> 00:46:12,171 Hello! Hello! 747 00:46:12,244 --> 00:46:14,178 Reanna? 748 00:46:14,246 --> 00:46:17,738 - Ethan. - Yup, and I've got gifts. 749 00:46:17,816 --> 00:46:19,443 You just let yourself in? 750 00:46:19,518 --> 00:46:22,715 Angela, I feel really bad about what happened today with the bums. 751 00:46:22,788 --> 00:46:25,416 Ethan, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm already over it. 752 00:46:25,490 --> 00:46:27,424 No, Angela, it's not okay. 753 00:46:29,494 --> 00:46:31,428 I'm bad! 754 00:46:33,498 --> 00:46:35,898 - That's really clever, Ethan. - Take that. I got it foryou. 755 00:46:36,802 --> 00:46:39,896 I wanted to be sure that you and I are best friends... 756 00:46:40,972 --> 00:46:42,906 gnome matterwhat. 757 00:46:42,974 --> 00:46:45,442 - Ethan, that's a troll. - Gnome it's not. 758 00:46:47,479 --> 00:46:49,913 All right, I have to go now. 759 00:46:49,981 --> 00:46:50,913 Wait. 760 00:46:52,451 --> 00:46:55,386 One more thing. A wee leprechaun. 761 00:46:55,454 --> 00:46:57,888 Okay, that one I don't get. 762 00:46:57,956 --> 00:46:59,651 I'll be your best friend... 763 00:46:59,725 --> 00:47:02,319 until you steal my pot of gold! 764 00:47:04,563 --> 00:47:06,121 Don't do that. 765 00:47:06,198 --> 00:47:09,395 - I'm just kidding. - Okay, time to go. Yeah. 766 00:47:09,468 --> 00:47:12,266 - Okay. - Remember that favor? 767 00:47:12,337 --> 00:47:14,532 - Talking to Dave? - Yeah. 768 00:47:14,606 --> 00:47:16,506 Don't. I'll handle it. 769 00:47:16,575 --> 00:47:19,100 I'm gonna see him tonight, so I think it'll be better ifl handle it. 770 00:47:19,177 --> 00:47:21,111 Oh. You're gonna see him right now? 771 00:47:21,179 --> 00:47:23,113 - Really? - Yeah. 772 00:47:23,181 --> 00:47:26,116 Well, that frees me up. Great. 773 00:47:26,184 --> 00:47:28,118 I hopeyou enjoy the presents-- 774 00:47:39,064 --> 00:47:42,522 Let me just take this moment and say one thing. 775 00:47:42,601 --> 00:47:45,331 We have, like, three weeks till the exam, and-- 776 00:47:45,404 --> 00:47:48,339 I wrote the damn mock exam! I gave it to you! 777 00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:50,341 "I wrote the mock exam"? 778 00:47:50,409 --> 00:47:52,843 Hey, let's get out of here. 779 00:47:52,911 --> 00:47:54,845 - No. - Yeah. 780 00:47:54,913 --> 00:47:57,780 - No. - No? Come on. 781 00:47:58,917 --> 00:48:00,748 Please? 782 00:48:00,819 --> 00:48:02,684 I'll take you somewhere. 783 00:48:32,818 --> 00:48:35,719 Oh, my God! Thank God! I thought you were with Dave! 784 00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:37,254 Oh, baby. 785 00:48:40,258 --> 00:48:41,350 Yeah? So what? 786 00:49:44,656 --> 00:49:47,989 I don't know. I don't want to stop loving you. 787 00:49:48,059 --> 00:49:50,254 I mean, where are you? 788 00:49:50,328 --> 00:49:52,796 Don't make me put you under lock and key. 789 00:49:52,864 --> 00:49:54,798 I know you're a good girl. 790 00:49:54,866 --> 00:49:58,199 You'd better not be doing something you're not supposed to. 791 00:49:58,270 --> 00:50:00,295 The big bad wolf's gonna find you. 792 00:50:13,485 --> 00:50:15,612 Been using a new shampoo? 793 00:50:20,926 --> 00:50:22,655 Play a little game! 794 00:50:23,762 --> 00:50:25,696 Duck, duck, goose, huh? 795 00:50:26,898 --> 00:50:28,957 Duck, duck... 796 00:50:29,034 --> 00:50:30,194 goose! 797 00:51:05,870 --> 00:51:07,804 Oh, shit. 798 00:51:07,872 --> 00:51:10,898 Something's wrong. 799 00:51:16,114 --> 00:51:18,412 -Jesus Christ. - And we're back! 800 00:51:23,388 --> 00:51:25,049 I want to be polite... 801 00:51:25,123 --> 00:51:28,615 but how many decoupage gifts can you receive? 802 00:51:28,693 --> 00:51:32,823 I don't know. I guess she makes my dad happy. So what can I say? 803 00:51:32,897 --> 00:51:34,831 Soyou like living in the dorm? 804 00:51:34,899 --> 00:51:36,833 My God, I was so happy to get out of the house. 805 00:51:36,901 --> 00:51:39,768 My stepmother drives me crazy. 806 00:51:39,838 --> 00:51:43,934 - My real mom lives in St. Louis. - St. Louis? 807 00:51:44,009 --> 00:51:45,943 She's a Midwestern gal. 808 00:51:47,379 --> 00:51:48,676 That's great news. 809 00:51:49,881 --> 00:51:53,942 Really? Tell me something about you. 810 00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,254 What do you want to know? 811 00:51:57,322 --> 00:51:58,789 - A secret. - A secret? 812 00:52:00,392 --> 00:52:03,759 - A secret, huh? - I'm sure you have plenty. 813 00:52:03,828 --> 00:52:05,762 Got a few. 814 00:52:05,830 --> 00:52:09,288 - So tell me. - Yeah, tell her, Dave. 815 00:52:09,367 --> 00:52:11,335 Tell her the real secret. 816 00:52:11,403 --> 00:52:16,067 Me and my friend,Jeff, we can control the power on campus. 817 00:52:16,141 --> 00:52:19,076 How's that for a secret? We hack into the power grids. 818 00:52:19,144 --> 00:52:22,409 Looks like I'm gonna have to pay your friends a little visit, Dave. 819 00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,415 Me and my friend, Jeff, we can control the power on campus. 820 00:52:25,483 --> 00:52:29,214 How's that for a secret? We hack into the powergrids. 821 00:52:29,287 --> 00:52:32,188 - Don't say a fucking word, Ethan. - Look at that shot. 822 00:52:32,257 --> 00:52:34,191 He's "doing" his special lady. 823 00:52:34,259 --> 00:52:36,454 Shut the fuck up! 824 00:52:36,528 --> 00:52:38,462 I don't want to see any more, all right? 825 00:52:38,530 --> 00:52:41,124 He's "f"-ing you. He "f"-ed me. 826 00:52:41,199 --> 00:52:43,599 And now I got a little movie of him "f"-ing her. 827 00:52:43,668 --> 00:52:46,102 Dude, enough about Dave. You don't know a thing about Dave. 828 00:52:46,171 --> 00:52:48,935 He betrayed you. He stole my girl. 829 00:52:49,007 --> 00:52:52,272 He's not our friend. What? 830 00:52:52,343 --> 00:52:54,072 Son ofa bitch! 831 00:52:54,145 --> 00:52:58,104 The little freak is right, all right? Dave screwed us. 832 00:52:58,183 --> 00:53:01,516 He's not the only one who screwed us. We're getting screwed by the system. 833 00:53:01,586 --> 00:53:05,647 The system that forces us guys to like girls, all right? 834 00:53:05,724 --> 00:53:09,057 We're getting pushed into this. What if we just take the girls out of it? 835 00:53:09,127 --> 00:53:12,563 We can have our own system. It's a countersystem. 836 00:53:12,630 --> 00:53:16,122 Then you do things together-- You swim, you row, you boat... 837 00:53:16,201 --> 00:53:18,101 you eat, you stink. 838 00:53:18,169 --> 00:53:20,501 We can just be guys. You can have sex-- 839 00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:24,201 You can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it's not gay. 840 00:53:24,275 --> 00:53:25,833 That's interesting. 841 00:53:25,910 --> 00:53:27,844 I'm gonna go talk to Dean Rattenbaugh about that... 842 00:53:27,912 --> 00:53:31,575 while I'm getting your ass expelled. 843 00:53:31,649 --> 00:53:33,640 - Come over here. - What? 844 00:53:33,718 --> 00:53:35,276 Sit down. 845 00:53:41,559 --> 00:53:44,960 - Give me the tape. - Oh, this tape? 846 00:53:47,365 --> 00:53:48,832 What do I get? 847 00:53:51,402 --> 00:53:53,336 This is everything we have on Angela. 848 00:53:53,404 --> 00:53:55,565 How much of that did I work to steal my own self? 849 00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,631 Shut up. I'm giving it to him. 850 00:53:59,778 --> 00:54:02,076 Everything you need to get the girl is in here. 851 00:54:02,981 --> 00:54:05,006 - On three. - All right, on three. 852 00:54:05,083 --> 00:54:07,483 - One-- - If I could interject something here. 853 00:54:08,553 --> 00:54:10,487 I'm not gay, you know. 854 00:54:17,562 --> 00:54:20,793 I'm the kind of guy who will 855 00:54:20,865 --> 00:54:24,266 Not insist that you go on the pill 856 00:54:24,335 --> 00:54:28,066 I'm cool with splitting the bill 857 00:54:28,139 --> 00:54:30,369 -And I'll kill - Oh, my God. 858 00:54:30,441 --> 00:54:32,602 - Who you wan tme to kill - It's Ethan. 859 00:54:34,913 --> 00:54:37,381 Stay there. 860 00:54:37,448 --> 00:54:39,609 You and me 861 00:54:39,684 --> 00:54:42,517 - Hey, new-wave boy! - Don't you see 862 00:54:42,587 --> 00:54:45,454 Shut the fuck up! 863 00:54:45,523 --> 00:54:48,117 - Don't you see - Do we fucking know this guy? 864 00:54:48,193 --> 00:54:50,491 My heart is beat-beat-beating 865 00:54:50,562 --> 00:54:52,621 It's Ethan again. 866 00:54:52,697 --> 00:54:56,030 Oh, Angela 867 00:54:56,100 --> 00:54:59,627 Oh, how I need you so 868 00:54:59,704 --> 00:55:02,969 'Cause your eyes are like two shining blue 869 00:55:03,041 --> 00:55:06,010 Rockets in the night come to take me away 870 00:55:06,077 --> 00:55:08,511 Come and fuck me, baby 871 00:55:08,580 --> 00:55:11,048 He is so-- 872 00:55:11,115 --> 00:55:13,379 And don't let me hurt you just by accident 873 00:55:13,451 --> 00:55:15,419 - I probably won't, but - Shut up! 874 00:55:18,122 --> 00:55:19,214 Fudge! 875 00:55:19,290 --> 00:55:21,588 Ethan, I appreciate the effort, but-- 876 00:55:21,659 --> 00:55:23,923 - I wrote this for you! - What do you want? 877 00:55:23,995 --> 00:55:26,589 It's 2:00 in the morning. 878 00:55:26,664 --> 00:55:27,824 I wanna come up. 879 00:55:27,899 --> 00:55:30,925 - This has to end, right now. - Invite him up. 880 00:55:31,002 --> 00:55:33,835 We'll make him clean the fucking bathrooms. 881 00:55:33,905 --> 00:55:37,671 Besides, maybe he's good in bed. The little ones always are. Come on. 882 00:55:39,410 --> 00:55:42,436 - Move. - You can come up for one minute. 883 00:55:42,513 --> 00:55:43,775 Really? 884 00:55:50,688 --> 00:55:52,622 Guys? Hey, yo! 885 00:56:04,903 --> 00:56:06,530 Wow! 886 00:56:14,245 --> 00:56:15,678 Love. 887 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:39,294 Okay. I'm going to fix your nose... 888 00:56:39,370 --> 00:56:42,601 and we're going to have a little talk, okay? 889 00:56:42,674 --> 00:56:44,369 Okay. 890 00:56:44,442 --> 00:56:47,900 This is not very manlike ofme, is it? 891 00:56:47,979 --> 00:56:51,107 Ethan, it's a tiny cut. It's no big deal. 892 00:56:53,017 --> 00:56:55,645 You're right. It's just a cut on skin. 893 00:56:55,720 --> 00:56:59,383 You're so awesome. Your room is so awesome. Your phone is kick-ass. 894 00:56:59,457 --> 00:57:01,755 And you know what? I love you. 895 00:57:06,230 --> 00:57:09,495 You and I are just friends. 896 00:57:09,567 --> 00:57:12,798 I have to make that clear to you, because this cannot continue. 897 00:57:12,870 --> 00:57:14,861 You're still on this whole Dave thing. 898 00:57:17,475 --> 00:57:19,238 Unbelievable. 899 00:57:19,310 --> 00:57:22,108 It's not a Dave thing. 900 00:57:22,180 --> 00:57:24,740 I'm in love with him. 901 00:57:24,816 --> 00:57:26,750 Have you two been physical? 902 00:57:27,819 --> 00:57:30,413 You know what? 903 00:57:30,488 --> 00:57:31,750 That's it. 904 00:57:31,823 --> 00:57:35,452 What Dave and I do is none of your business. It's time for you to leave. 905 00:57:35,526 --> 00:57:38,586 I was hoping you wouldn't take it this far. Damn it! 906 00:57:38,663 --> 00:57:40,096 Enough is enough! 907 00:57:40,164 --> 00:57:43,361 Will you quit breathing so loud? I can't hear what he's saying. 908 00:57:43,434 --> 00:57:47,564 - God, I'm so scared for us. - It's too late for this, you know? 909 00:57:47,638 --> 00:57:49,572 You've been duped by the worst kind of con man. 910 00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:51,198 When I fell in love with you... 911 00:57:51,275 --> 00:57:53,368 I knew I couldn't get you because you're so beautiful. 912 00:57:53,444 --> 00:57:55,605 So I paid Dave and his goons to get close toyou. 913 00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:57,614 He put together a dossier of information... 914 00:57:57,682 --> 00:57:59,274 which I studied every night. 915 00:57:59,350 --> 00:58:01,284 I do not believe what you're saying to me. 916 00:58:01,352 --> 00:58:04,048 How do you think I know your favorite animal is a monkey? 917 00:58:04,122 --> 00:58:07,455 - Ethan, shut up! - I said, "Dave, stop. It's over. 918 00:58:07,525 --> 00:58:09,993 She is a lovely girl with a pure heart. 919 00:58:10,061 --> 00:58:12,586 Don't taint her with your octopus ink!" 920 00:58:12,663 --> 00:58:15,598 - Something is wrong with you. - Nothing's wrong with me. 921 00:58:15,666 --> 00:58:18,533 - No, something-- - Bullshit. 922 00:58:18,603 --> 00:58:20,730 You know how he brags about the power grids? 923 00:58:20,805 --> 00:58:23,171 That's how he's going to talk about you. 924 00:58:23,241 --> 00:58:26,074 You're just another thing for him to brag about. 925 00:58:26,144 --> 00:58:29,307 I'm not the kind of guy who would rub this kind of proofin your face. 926 00:58:40,358 --> 00:58:41,689 Good Christ! 927 00:58:41,759 --> 00:58:43,693 - Stop.Just listen. - You deserve that, asshole. 928 00:58:43,761 --> 00:58:45,820 - I can explain everything. - Ethan explained everything. 929 00:58:45,897 --> 00:58:48,388 - Don't listen to Ethan! He's psychotic! - You are a fraud! 930 00:58:48,466 --> 00:58:50,525 You are a child! You're manipulative! 931 00:58:50,601 --> 00:58:52,762 And worst of all, you're a whore! 932 00:58:53,938 --> 00:58:55,929 I am not a whore. 933 00:58:56,007 --> 00:58:59,101 You used me to make a hundred bucks. 934 00:58:59,177 --> 00:59:01,372 Angela, I didn't do anything like that. 935 00:59:01,446 --> 00:59:04,609 - You didn't? - I didn't. 936 00:59:04,682 --> 00:59:07,378 I didn't do anything wrong. 937 00:59:14,725 --> 00:59:17,990 Why did you steal my E-mails, Dave? 938 00:59:25,636 --> 00:59:28,298 I came clean. And you should have stopped when I asked-- 939 00:59:28,372 --> 00:59:31,466 You told her I did it for money? Huh, you little freak? 940 00:59:31,542 --> 00:59:33,009 What are you doing here anyways? 941 00:59:33,077 --> 00:59:37,070 I'm gonna ask you this right now and I want you to answer me honestly. 942 00:59:39,750 --> 00:59:41,377 Did you... 943 00:59:41,452 --> 00:59:43,386 or did you not... 944 00:59:44,822 --> 00:59:48,451 seduce me because of some deal you had with Ethan? 945 00:59:48,526 --> 00:59:50,551 See, it wasn't exactly like that. 946 00:59:50,628 --> 00:59:54,359 Dave, will you just answer yes or no? Please, just answer me. 947 00:59:56,934 --> 00:59:58,868 - Yes. - Oh, shit. 948 01:00:00,771 --> 01:00:04,400 Angela, you see? I told you he was violent! Look! 949 01:00:04,475 --> 01:00:07,569 Angela, please, baby, please. 950 01:00:07,645 --> 01:00:09,772 Listen to me. Listen to me! 951 01:00:09,847 --> 01:00:12,111 This is not a good night for my nose. I'm gonna go disinfect it. 952 01:00:17,321 --> 01:00:19,915 Well, I don't know about the punch in the nose, but I think she likes me. 953 01:00:19,991 --> 01:00:21,925 You don't love her. 954 01:00:24,428 --> 01:00:26,362 I do tonight. 955 01:00:30,301 --> 01:00:32,235 Hey, do you have a condom? 956 01:00:36,874 --> 01:00:38,307 Fuck. 957 01:00:41,379 --> 01:00:44,177 I wantyou to get this bad energy out. 958 01:00:44,248 --> 01:00:48,309 Ethan, I really don't feel like being touched right now, okay? 959 01:00:48,386 --> 01:00:49,648 Thanks. 960 01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:51,984 Then you need a jump-start. 961 01:00:54,225 --> 01:00:55,317 Clear! 962 01:00:56,794 --> 01:00:58,955 Clear! Clear! 963 01:00:59,030 --> 01:01:00,463 Ethan, it's-- 964 01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:04,927 It's been kind of a long night. 965 01:01:05,002 --> 01:01:07,869 I don't want to kick a dead horse, but that Dave... 966 01:01:09,106 --> 01:01:10,505 he's a bad dude. 967 01:01:10,575 --> 01:01:12,839 You made the right decision. 968 01:01:12,910 --> 01:01:15,003 Thanks for being honest. 969 01:01:16,581 --> 01:01:18,014 No problem. 970 01:01:20,685 --> 01:01:23,950 - I'm tired. - I know. Me too. 971 01:01:24,021 --> 01:01:26,785 Move over. Let's go to bed. 972 01:01:26,857 --> 01:01:28,290 Move over. 973 01:01:29,527 --> 01:01:31,859 How about you sleep on the couch? 974 01:01:33,898 --> 01:01:34,990 Okay. 975 01:01:35,066 --> 01:01:38,558 Shh, be quiet. We're in my girlfriend's dorm. 976 01:01:40,104 --> 01:01:42,197 You wanna what? 977 01:01:42,273 --> 01:01:45,174 No, we shouldn't. 978 01:01:45,243 --> 01:01:48,076 Okay, but you be quiet, hair doll. 979 01:01:51,382 --> 01:01:53,179 Like that? 980 01:01:53,251 --> 01:01:55,845 I said to her, or him, I said-- 981 01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,447 - I can't believe you guys. - Oh, you can't believe us? 982 01:01:59,523 --> 01:02:02,083 You know what? I can't believe you. You betrayed our trust. 983 01:02:02,159 --> 01:02:05,253 -I did not betrayy ou! -That's the one thing we had between us. 984 01:02:05,329 --> 01:02:08,423 - I did not betray anyone! - But you said my name on that tape. 985 01:02:08,499 --> 01:02:09,830 What about that? 986 01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:13,199 You might as well have broadcast it to the whole campus. 987 01:02:13,271 --> 01:02:15,068 Man, I mean, we can't do that to her. 988 01:02:15,139 --> 01:02:16,231 What? 989 01:02:16,307 --> 01:02:19,208 The guy is a stalker. I mean, Ethan, he's nuts. 990 01:02:19,277 --> 01:02:22,269 - How was I supposed to know? - You know what? 991 01:02:22,346 --> 01:02:23,643 Fuck you. 992 01:02:23,714 --> 01:02:26,979 I'm the one who took care of it. You're out. 993 01:02:27,051 --> 01:02:29,542 I can't trust you anymore. You're out. 994 01:02:32,623 --> 01:02:33,988 You sure did fuck up. 995 01:02:38,829 --> 01:02:42,731 Butyou didn't fuck up so much as you fucked up. 996 01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:45,428 You find somebody, and it just feels right. 997 01:02:45,503 --> 01:02:47,664 It's like fate. 998 01:02:47,738 --> 01:02:49,899 Exactly! It was my fate to meet her. 999 01:02:49,974 --> 01:02:52,909 But it wasn't your fate to be with her. 1000 01:02:52,977 --> 01:02:54,911 Unfortunately, my friend, fate... 1001 01:02:56,347 --> 01:02:58,645 has a different plan for you. 1002 01:02:58,716 --> 01:03:01,378 You will grow up, go out into the world. 1003 01:03:01,452 --> 01:03:04,819 You'll forget all about the things that happened here. 1004 01:03:04,889 --> 01:03:06,982 Ethan, Angela... 1005 01:03:07,058 --> 01:03:09,117 the shit we pulled. 1006 01:03:09,193 --> 01:03:11,559 Those hookers that we thought were girls. 1007 01:03:11,629 --> 01:03:13,859 And you're going to go out there... 1008 01:03:13,931 --> 01:03:16,764 and no one-- no one... 1009 01:03:16,834 --> 01:03:19,803 can shoot you down because a woman one time... 1010 01:03:19,870 --> 01:03:23,431 stepped on your heart and left a scar in its wake. 1011 01:03:23,507 --> 01:03:25,270 That is your fate, Dave. 1012 01:03:26,177 --> 01:03:28,611 Just as it is my fate... 1013 01:03:28,679 --> 01:03:31,204 to some day become shogun. 1014 01:03:44,128 --> 01:03:46,619 Fucking idiot! Are you kidding me? 1015 01:03:50,968 --> 01:03:54,563 There goes Dave the liar. I "f"-ed his old girlfriend. 1016 01:03:57,675 --> 01:04:00,872 - Oh, Ethan. - Oh, Cameron. 1017 01:04:00,945 --> 01:04:03,914 - Oh, yeah! - Baby, baby. 1018 01:04:03,981 --> 01:04:05,539 Boobies, boobies. 1019 01:04:07,985 --> 01:04:10,453 Stone-hard reality, Dave. 1020 01:04:10,521 --> 01:04:12,455 I asked you to stop. 1021 01:04:15,893 --> 01:04:18,361 Cameron! Take off my pants. 1022 01:04:21,665 --> 01:04:23,656 Oh, no. That's my mom. 1023 01:05:06,577 --> 01:05:10,877 Is enough enough Is enough enough 1024 01:05:13,384 --> 01:05:17,150 I saw the sign When I opened up my eyes 1025 01:05:17,221 --> 01:05:18,620 I saw the sign 1026 01:05:20,791 --> 01:05:23,225 When I opened up my eyes I saw the sign 1027 01:05:36,774 --> 01:05:41,177 No one's gonna drag you up to get into the line where you belong 1028 01:05:41,245 --> 01:05:45,341 I saw the sign I saw the sign 1029 01:05:48,752 --> 01:05:51,721 Guys, I saw the sign. 1030 01:05:51,789 --> 01:05:54,917 And it opened my eyes. I gotta be with Angela. 1031 01:05:54,992 --> 01:05:58,587 - As your attorney, I can't advise that. - I'm telling everything. That's it. 1032 01:05:58,662 --> 01:06:00,391 You guys have nothing to worry about. 1033 01:06:00,464 --> 01:06:03,399 - You're serious about this, man? - Dead serious. 1034 01:06:03,467 --> 01:06:05,162 I need to be with her. 1035 01:06:05,236 --> 01:06:07,830 Hey, you're not fucking "seed of doubting" me now? 1036 01:06:07,905 --> 01:06:10,465 Sam, I'm not going to lie anymore. 1037 01:06:11,642 --> 01:06:13,576 I'm done. 1038 01:06:15,045 --> 01:06:17,980 I have something to say to you. 1039 01:06:18,048 --> 01:06:22,451 And I think that it's important that I say it out of the cage. 1040 01:06:28,459 --> 01:06:32,555 I think you're doing the right thing. I've never seen you like this before. 1041 01:06:32,630 --> 01:06:35,656 You know what? I've never felt like this before. 1042 01:06:35,733 --> 01:06:39,499 Listen, I blew up last night, but I'm proud of you. 1043 01:06:39,570 --> 01:06:43,233 I wish I could back you up. I'm not getting kicked out of college. 1044 01:06:43,307 --> 01:06:45,741 This is me. You have to understand this. 1045 01:06:45,809 --> 01:06:48,642 You guys aren't going to pay for this. I'm gonna do this myself. 1046 01:06:48,712 --> 01:06:50,942 I never would have given that stuff to Ethan in a million years... 1047 01:06:51,015 --> 01:06:52,949 If I thought that you felt this way. 1048 01:06:53,017 --> 01:06:54,644 You did what you had to do. That's fine. 1049 01:06:54,718 --> 01:06:58,711 I guess I felt a little bit jealous because... 1050 01:06:58,789 --> 01:07:01,451 you have a girlfriend now, or whatever... 1051 01:07:01,525 --> 01:07:03,618 and I felt like I was left out. 1052 01:07:03,694 --> 01:07:05,628 Come on. 1053 01:07:05,696 --> 01:07:08,028 - Really? - A little bit. 1054 01:07:08,098 --> 01:07:10,726 Come here. Give me a hug. Got nothing but love for you. 1055 01:07:11,635 --> 01:07:15,071 Oh, one, two, three, four hard nipples. Nope. 1056 01:07:15,139 --> 01:07:19,132 This is really weird. I never thought we'd see the day when the team split up. 1057 01:07:20,477 --> 01:07:22,638 Wait. Not yet. 1058 01:07:22,713 --> 01:07:27,514 We don't split up yet. Cool Ethan? He caught you cheating, right? 1059 01:07:27,585 --> 01:07:29,519 - Yeah. - Right? 1060 01:07:29,587 --> 01:07:32,181 He's gunning for your job, right? 1061 01:07:32,256 --> 01:07:34,224 You know mywhole story. 1062 01:07:34,291 --> 01:07:35,519 You got his stuff? 1063 01:07:37,795 --> 01:07:41,595 One more job, guys. I say we bury him. 1064 01:07:41,665 --> 01:07:44,190 But wait, you say. How did we get Ethan's documents? 1065 01:07:44,268 --> 01:07:46,327 Allow me to refresh your memory. 1066 01:07:46,403 --> 01:07:48,769 When you only see two of us, watch out. 1067 01:07:48,839 --> 01:07:53,003 Because the third one is probably rifling through your shit. 1068 01:08:02,186 --> 01:08:04,313 It was time toput ourgifts to use. 1069 01:08:04,388 --> 01:08:08,154 So we splitup into two groups to take Ethan down. 1070 01:08:10,094 --> 01:08:13,120 First on the list, Stockton, Ypright and Falk. 1071 01:08:14,465 --> 01:08:17,127 Ethan wanted to work there more than anything. 1072 01:08:17,201 --> 01:08:19,533 So we thought we'd lend him ahand. 1073 01:08:27,978 --> 01:08:31,914 Professor Markoe's? Yes, the exam is today. 1074 01:08:31,982 --> 01:08:33,176 Back on up, slick. 1075 01:08:37,955 --> 01:08:40,788 Oh, God, I'm choking. 1076 01:08:40,858 --> 01:08:43,190 Oh, God, I'm choking! 1077 01:08:43,260 --> 01:08:44,955 God, he's choking on a piece of steak. 1078 01:08:45,029 --> 01:08:47,190 I don't know what to tell you, but I think Philip called this one in. 1079 01:08:47,264 --> 01:08:50,199 I run this office. All of this is me. 1080 01:08:58,842 --> 01:09:00,969 - Oh, fuck. - Are you all right? 1081 01:09:01,045 --> 01:09:03,138 I'm fine now. Thanks to you. 1082 01:09:03,213 --> 01:09:05,545 Thanks to this fine, young gentleman. 1083 01:09:08,419 --> 01:09:11,047 If you just let me get in there, I'll replace that mouse and be outta there-- 1084 01:09:11,121 --> 01:09:12,850 Thank you. Fix it. 1085 01:09:12,923 --> 01:09:15,153 Wes Mann. I'm in emerging markets. And you are? 1086 01:09:15,225 --> 01:09:19,719 Ethan Dulles. I'm actually only here for an interview with Mr. Leonard. 1087 01:09:19,797 --> 01:09:23,733 Oh, well. Leonard Leonard and I are very good friends. 1088 01:09:23,801 --> 01:09:25,496 I'm gonna march you right up there. 1089 01:09:25,569 --> 01:09:27,730 Let me help you out. You've had such a hard day. 1090 01:09:27,805 --> 01:09:30,899 I look good and everything, but I'm still freaked out, 'cause of the meat. 1091 01:09:30,974 --> 01:09:33,408 So if you could give me a little privacy. 1092 01:09:38,515 --> 01:09:40,483 Yes, this is a message for Mr. Dulles. 1093 01:09:40,551 --> 01:09:44,282 This is Mr. Leonard's office in Human Resources at Stockton, Upright and Falk. 1094 01:09:44,555 --> 01:09:47,422 - Good work down there, Mr. Dulles. - You can call meJack. 1095 01:09:47,491 --> 01:09:49,254 Jack? 1096 01:09:49,326 --> 01:09:51,590 It says on here that your first name is Ethan. 1097 01:09:52,663 --> 01:09:54,597 - Call me Jack. - All right,Jack. 1098 01:09:54,665 --> 01:09:58,931 Jack, what one word would you say... 1099 01:09:59,002 --> 01:10:00,970 describes yourself perfectly? 1100 01:10:05,175 --> 01:10:09,407 I'm gonna have to say slave to the freaky-assed booby. 1101 01:10:09,480 --> 01:10:10,811 That's not one word. 1102 01:10:10,881 --> 01:10:13,748 You know, Philip said that you were available. 1103 01:10:13,817 --> 01:10:16,308 Hurry up, brownie, cookie, whatever. 1104 01:10:16,386 --> 01:10:18,445 You get into this job because you like to work with your hands. 1105 01:10:18,522 --> 01:10:20,786 I work with my-- 1106 01:10:20,858 --> 01:10:23,918 I work with my hands all the time. I mean, love to rub you down. 1107 01:10:23,994 --> 01:10:29,591 You ever had a massage with heated stones? Like nothing you'd believe. 1108 01:10:29,666 --> 01:10:31,600 On your resume under "activities"... 1109 01:10:31,668 --> 01:10:35,468 you have "smokin' blunts with the homeys"... 1110 01:10:35,539 --> 01:10:38,269 and "bustin' caps in whitey." 1111 01:10:39,343 --> 01:10:41,470 Can you explain that? 1112 01:10:41,545 --> 01:10:43,513 Please come to Mr. Leonard's office... 1113 01:10:43,580 --> 01:10:46,140 as soon as you possibly can for your job interview. 1114 01:10:46,216 --> 01:10:47,808 - Thanks. - Yes! 1115 01:10:47,885 --> 01:10:51,218 You know as well as I do how I very well got the job. 1116 01:10:51,288 --> 01:10:53,882 You and me, boy, we can handle shit, all right? 1117 01:10:53,957 --> 01:10:55,083 Right, right. 1118 01:10:59,663 --> 01:11:02,860 You watch Leonard Leonard handle some shit. 1119 01:11:04,768 --> 01:11:06,599 Oh, Angela 1120 01:11:10,741 --> 01:11:12,675 Oh, how I need you so 1121 01:11:18,448 --> 01:11:20,279 I see what I wanted to do 1122 01:11:28,859 --> 01:11:30,622 Now 1123 01:11:45,442 --> 01:11:46,875 Yeah! 1124 01:11:51,048 --> 01:11:54,882 Stockton, Ypright andg et those lousy cheaters expelled. 1125 01:11:57,020 --> 01:11:59,454 Ethan Dulles is waiting in the lobby for me? 1126 01:12:00,557 --> 01:12:02,582 I don't-- What's the holdup? I've been waiting a half-hour. 1127 01:12:02,659 --> 01:12:04,354 Still checking. 1128 01:12:04,428 --> 01:12:07,056 You let him in here and your ass is grass, and I'm the lawn mower. 1129 01:12:08,498 --> 01:12:11,729 Actually, that appointment's no longer on the books. 1130 01:12:11,802 --> 01:12:14,771 Okay, well, I'll just go check the books. Bitch. 1131 01:12:14,838 --> 01:12:17,329 Heard you got a little smart with Mr. Leonard. 1132 01:12:19,509 --> 01:12:21,067 Get him out of here now. 1133 01:12:21,144 --> 01:12:22,611 The lawnmower's waiting. 1134 01:12:22,679 --> 01:12:25,614 I want that punk thrown out of this building. 1135 01:12:25,682 --> 01:12:28,617 I parked my wheel right out here. I'm fine. Thanks, guys. 1136 01:12:29,820 --> 01:12:31,947 Can you believe that? 1137 01:12:39,329 --> 01:12:41,957 - Get him. - Come here! 1138 01:12:43,367 --> 01:12:44,800 Help me! 1139 01:12:50,407 --> 01:12:53,137 This is the final exam. 1140 01:12:53,210 --> 01:12:57,271 From this point on there's no talking, no study guides... 1141 01:12:57,347 --> 01:12:58,609 no exceptions. 1142 01:12:59,549 --> 01:13:03,542 You have three hours. That's it. Pencils down after that. 1143 01:13:04,321 --> 01:13:07,654 Begin now. 1144 01:13:23,373 --> 01:13:25,773 Hi. Yeah, we're having a test here. A final. 1145 01:13:25,842 --> 01:13:28,709 - Hold on. Just wait a second. - I don't have a second. 1146 01:13:28,779 --> 01:13:29,837 Excuse me. 1147 01:13:31,148 --> 01:13:35,414 - We're having a test here. - Just relax. This can't wait. Please. 1148 01:13:35,485 --> 01:13:37,282 - You can talk to her after the-- - Just relax. 1149 01:13:37,354 --> 01:13:41,381 These people are taking a test-- They are taking a final exam. 1150 01:13:41,458 --> 01:13:43,756 - Please just give me five minutes. - Am I coming up there? 1151 01:13:43,827 --> 01:13:46,694 - Is that how it's gonna be? - Just listen to me. Please. 1152 01:13:46,763 --> 01:13:49,891 Just give me one second. Okay? Just one second. 1153 01:13:52,369 --> 01:13:54,963 - You think I'm a liar? - Yeah. 1154 01:13:55,038 --> 01:13:57,370 Yeah. Well, I am a liar. 1155 01:13:58,875 --> 01:14:02,140 Ethan never paid me. He blackmailed me. 1156 01:14:03,180 --> 01:14:05,705 I did it because he caught me cheating. 1157 01:14:06,783 --> 01:14:08,842 What the fuck? 1158 01:14:11,388 --> 01:14:13,322 I am a cheater. 1159 01:14:14,591 --> 01:14:16,650 I have cheated my way through high school. 1160 01:14:16,727 --> 01:14:18,922 I have cheated my way through college. 1161 01:14:18,996 --> 01:14:20,861 I have cheated my way through everything. 1162 01:14:20,931 --> 01:14:23,559 I don't think I've ever taken a test honestly. 1163 01:14:23,633 --> 01:14:27,399 I've engineered blackouts. I've done bomb threats. 1164 01:14:27,471 --> 01:14:30,872 I've hacked into the administration network. I've done it all. 1165 01:14:30,941 --> 01:14:34,206 I mean, I think this is the first legit thing I've ever done. 1166 01:14:35,278 --> 01:14:39,112 And there's no angle. And there's definitely no scam. 1167 01:14:41,084 --> 01:14:45,282 I'm doing it because-- because I love you. 1168 01:14:45,355 --> 01:14:47,550 You love me? 1169 01:14:47,624 --> 01:14:49,285 I do love you. 1170 01:14:52,896 --> 01:14:55,888 I'm pretty sure I'm in the wrong class. 1171 01:14:55,966 --> 01:15:01,165 But, I just gotta say, that was really moving. 1172 01:15:02,105 --> 01:15:04,665 Well, honesty, folks. Right? 1173 01:15:04,741 --> 01:15:07,835 Isn't that the most important thing, honesty? 1174 01:15:07,911 --> 01:15:12,075 That's what it's all about. I didn't understand that until I met you. 1175 01:15:13,750 --> 01:15:16,742 - That was beautiful. - Thank you. Thank you. 1176 01:15:34,171 --> 01:15:36,264 Well, you'rej ust Mr. Party Pants, aren't you? 1177 01:15:37,474 --> 01:15:39,635 You all think you know this man? 1178 01:15:39,709 --> 01:15:42,234 Well, I have in my hand hard evidence... 1179 01:15:42,312 --> 01:15:45,839 that this man is, in fact, a cheater! 1180 01:15:48,218 --> 01:15:50,880 Why are you clapping? Why are you clapping? 1181 01:15:50,954 --> 01:15:52,945 Why are you clapping? 1182 01:15:54,724 --> 01:15:56,749 What the hell is this? 1183 01:15:59,262 --> 01:16:01,025 Well, Ethan, I told her the truth. 1184 01:16:01,098 --> 01:16:03,726 And I told her I cheated and I told her I loved her. 1185 01:16:05,068 --> 01:16:08,799 - You don't believe him, do you? - I don't know. 1186 01:16:08,872 --> 01:16:11,340 I want to, Dave... 1187 01:16:11,408 --> 01:16:12,932 but I just can't. 1188 01:16:14,811 --> 01:16:17,075 - I don't wanna. I don't wanna! - Shut up. 1189 01:16:17,147 --> 01:16:20,048 I couldn't take it anymore. We're a team. You go down, we go down. 1190 01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:22,347 I don't think so. Ifyou're not enrolled-- 1191 01:16:22,419 --> 01:16:26,253 I am in the class. I'm Sam Schechter. I got hit by a fucking bus. 1192 01:16:30,193 --> 01:16:32,252 He's telling you the truth. 1193 01:16:32,329 --> 01:16:35,093 I know he is, because he got caught helping me cheat. 1194 01:16:36,500 --> 01:16:39,936 It's a scam. Another scam. You can't believe them. 1195 01:16:40,003 --> 01:16:42,437 Oh, another scam, huh? That's interesting. 1196 01:16:42,506 --> 01:16:44,701 Listen, Angela, we took this picture in Ethan's room. 1197 01:16:45,675 --> 01:16:47,609 If you don't want to be with Dave, that's fine. 1198 01:16:47,677 --> 01:16:52,273 You might want to avoid getting hacked up by "eyebrows" on your wedding night. 1199 01:16:52,349 --> 01:16:55,182 What is this? That's a little weird. 1200 01:16:55,252 --> 01:16:58,710 - Let me see this one second. - Could you explain that to me? 1201 01:16:58,788 --> 01:17:00,722 Ethan, what is that? 1202 01:17:00,790 --> 01:17:02,815 A picture I let the boys-- 1203 01:17:02,893 --> 01:17:04,690 If you think that's weird, one more thing. 1204 01:17:04,761 --> 01:17:05,887 This is good. 1205 01:17:07,764 --> 01:17:09,231 It's a hair doll. 1206 01:17:09,299 --> 01:17:11,392 Yeah. It's gross, right? 1207 01:17:11,468 --> 01:17:14,232 - Hereyou go. - Ethan, what is this? 1208 01:17:14,304 --> 01:17:17,068 - Is this a hair doll? - I didn't make that. 1209 01:17:17,140 --> 01:17:20,268 It fell out of your hair that way and I want it back. 1210 01:17:20,343 --> 01:17:22,573 -It fell out this way? I don't think so. -Give it back! 1211 01:17:22,646 --> 01:17:24,978 - I want it back! - Give it back! 1212 01:17:26,783 --> 01:17:30,651 You're going down! Why are you laughing? 1213 01:17:30,720 --> 01:17:32,278 What? 1214 01:17:32,355 --> 01:17:34,619 - You have a cheater in your midst. - Where? 1215 01:17:34,691 --> 01:17:36,784 You can't have her, 'cause I own her. 1216 01:17:36,860 --> 01:17:40,762 I'm gonna file criminal charges on all your asses. 1217 01:17:40,830 --> 01:17:43,731 - He's holding a hair doll. - I need the cheater's name. 1218 01:17:43,800 --> 01:17:46,166 - He answers to Ethan. - Ethan. Here. 1219 01:17:46,236 --> 01:17:49,069 I had a nickname for you. Want to know what it was? I'm not gonna tell you. 1220 01:17:50,173 --> 01:17:52,937 - All right, it was "Laser." - This one right here. 1221 01:17:53,009 --> 01:17:55,842 Hi, Ethan. Can I see that paper? 1222 01:17:55,912 --> 01:17:58,972 Fine. Yes. Here, here. 1223 01:17:59,049 --> 01:18:00,175 Thankyou. 1224 01:18:00,250 --> 01:18:02,684 His name's right on there. It's David. 1225 01:18:02,752 --> 01:18:04,219 Okay, Ethan. 1226 01:18:04,287 --> 01:18:07,950 This is a copy ofthe final exam, which is what we're taking right now. 1227 01:18:08,024 --> 01:18:10,083 That means you're in violation of the honor code. 1228 01:18:10,160 --> 01:18:11,354 It's not mine. 1229 01:18:11,428 --> 01:18:13,521 Youj ust handed it to me. 1230 01:18:13,597 --> 01:18:16,589 - Are you crazy? - I think you're crazy. 1231 01:18:16,666 --> 01:18:18,429 What? 1232 01:18:19,636 --> 01:18:22,696 Give me that test. You are mine, motherfucker! 1233 01:18:23,773 --> 01:18:26,207 You guys are fucking retarded. 1234 01:18:26,276 --> 01:18:27,641 You know what? 1235 01:18:27,711 --> 01:18:31,112 Why don't you shut your mouth, you skanky-assed "bee-yatch." 1236 01:18:31,181 --> 01:18:33,581 - Fuckyou, cocksucker. - Slut. 1237 01:18:33,650 --> 01:18:35,584 - Shithead. - Ho. 1238 01:18:35,652 --> 01:18:37,085 Monkey boy. 1239 01:18:39,723 --> 01:18:41,884 So what do you say? 1240 01:18:43,059 --> 01:18:44,549 Do I have a chance? 1241 01:18:48,598 --> 01:18:49,826 Yes. 1242 01:18:49,899 --> 01:18:51,332 Come here, then. 1243 01:19:06,816 --> 01:19:10,013 Every now and then, we're all given a perfect moment. 1244 01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:13,620 A moment where everything makes sense. 1245 01:19:13,690 --> 01:19:16,557 A moment where everything seems right andg ood... 1246 01:19:16,626 --> 01:19:19,356 and everything's gonna be okay. 1247 01:19:19,429 --> 01:19:21,727 If you can be kissing a girl like Angela... 1248 01:19:21,798 --> 01:19:23,959 in the middle of a moment like that... 1249 01:19:24,034 --> 01:19:27,060 well, you really got it made. 1250 01:19:28,738 --> 01:19:31,730 The university took stern action. 1251 01:19:31,808 --> 01:19:34,333 We got kicked out of school. 1252 01:19:35,712 --> 01:19:37,646 Sam took it like a man. 1253 01:19:37,714 --> 01:19:39,579 I'm sorry! 1254 01:19:39,649 --> 01:19:42,277 I guess we all learned a life lesson, except for Jeff. 1255 01:19:42,352 --> 01:19:44,843 Jeff learned a different lesson. 1256 01:19:44,921 --> 01:19:47,082 Jeff learned how to print diplomas. 1257 01:19:48,591 --> 01:19:52,584 In the end, I guess I realized you can't scam when it comes to love. 1258 01:19:52,662 --> 01:19:56,655 But still, guys like me, Sam and Jeff... 1259 01:19:56,733 --> 01:19:58,963 we can't scam our own natures either. 1260 01:19:59,035 --> 01:20:00,798 We're all still friends. 1261 01:20:00,870 --> 01:20:03,634 I'm still with Angela, and I've never been happier. 1262 01:20:03,707 --> 01:20:05,004 It's strange. 1263 01:20:05,075 --> 01:20:08,738 You think you got life all figured out, and it just keeps surprisingy ou. 1264 01:20:08,812 --> 01:20:12,270 And to think, I learned how to be a better man... 1265 01:20:12,349 --> 01:20:14,408 from getting blackmailed by that little freak-- 1266 01:20:15,819 --> 01:20:17,252 CooI Ethan. 1267 01:20:21,324 --> 01:20:25,988 I love you, but I hate you 1268 01:20:26,062 --> 01:20:31,159 Which brings to mind how much I loveyou 1269 01:20:31,234 --> 01:20:35,068 We could've worked this out you know 1270 01:20:35,138 --> 01:20:40,576 In a little room ln a little locked room 1271 01:20:40,643 --> 01:20:44,636 I'm sorry you had to settle for Dave 1272 01:20:44,714 --> 01:20:49,151 The one-dimensional man 1273 01:20:49,219 --> 01:20:54,213 He's filed under "cocksucker" in my little blackbook 1274 01:20:54,290 --> 01:20:59,159 Sweetness can rot your teeth 1275 01:20:59,229 --> 01:21:03,359 Bittersweet cacophony 1276 01:21:03,433 --> 01:21:06,766 But you hold the key 1277 01:21:06,836 --> 01:21:10,203 You hold the key 1278 01:21:10,273 --> 01:21:13,765 To my little locked room 1279 01:21:13,843 --> 01:21:19,577 You hold the key You hold the key 1280 01:21:19,649 --> 01:21:24,518 To my little locked room 1281 01:21:24,587 --> 01:21:28,421 Please let me 1282 01:21:28,491 --> 01:21:30,925 Out soon 1283 01:21:33,196 --> 01:21:35,130 I love you. 1284 01:26:09,472 --> 01:26:11,565 I've never done a porno before. 1285 01:26:11,641 --> 01:26:13,575 Until now, bitch. 100196