Original subtitles

What's got Joe dragging behind?

Almost got it.

What did Sal do to deserve this?

You son of a bitch.

And will tonight's big loser survive this?

Prepare for something amazing.

Q

Murr

Sal

Joe

Hop to it, fellas.

We're at the Borgata, working as bellhops.

We'll have to bring guests to the rooms and get them settled in

all while doing and saying what the other guys tell us.

When we're finished, we're gonna have to try and get a tip.

If you can't get a tip, you lose.

Warm up, boys.

Here he comes.

So, come on in. So, this is the suite.

You got your couches over here.

The TV channels with everything there.

"Are you making love this evening?"

You plan on making love this evening or...

Definitely. OK, so...

"As you can see, the carpet matches the drapes."

And as you can tell, the carpet matches the drapes.

—He pointed at her. —Nobody told you to point at her. Nobody said that!

"Here's something I love to do."

Here's Something I love to do at this place.

Just moon out the window.

Drop your pants.

Nobody sees that. Right?

"I'm dealing with something big here."

I'm dealing with a problem here.

Just itch your butt, buddy.

Drag your ass around the floor like a chihuahua.

Give me a minute. Almost got it.

“I've almost got it."

Almost got it.

Keep going, buddy. Keep going around the room.

It's definitely not bedbugs. I mean, this place is top notch.

Can I have a tip?

Alright, well, thank you very much.

He didn't get a tip.

I'll see you guys later.

Wow! Fail!

Q, as soon as you walk in

announce to them, "Welcome to your final resting place."

They got the mortuary suites.

Welcome to your final resting place.

For no reason, flush the toilet and come right back out.

And walk right back out to the living room. Pass them.

"The room is totally soundproof."

The room is totally soundproof.

"So you can scream."

So you could -- you could scream.

Demonstrate it, Q.

Not me! Help! Send help! Help! Help!

Help is never gonna come.

Unbutton your top buttons, stare at them, and say, "we gonna do this or..."

OK. All Right. Well... So, we -- are we --

We gonna do this?

"Enjoy the Borgata."

I guess I'm done here. Enjoy the Borgata.

Thank you so much.

Look at this little couple out for a nice night.

All right. there we go. Come on in.

Love is in the air, and then there's Murray.

The bellhop is located at extension 76, so please help yourself.

Murr, unpack their bags for them.

You've got a plethora of options here to unpack.

Keep announcing what you're pulling out of the bag as you pull it out.

So they know what you're touching.

Dress, socks, let's put the shoes in there -- the bra.

The Bra! The Bra!

The panties, feminine products, Spanx.

He's touching her unmentionables. Gross.

There's the -- the Teddy and Lingerie.

Oh... my god.

One of the light bulbs above the bed is out. You want to adjust that?

The light bulb is...

Yeah, just step on the bed, right on the pillows, yeah.

"You know, a lot of magic happens in this room."

Uh, a lot of -- a lot of magic happens in this room.

So... we keep a lot of magicians act in this room.

"And they get hookers."

And they get hookers.

So, abracadabra, I guess.

Thank you so much.

Oh, thank you. That's so generous. Thank you so much.

Appreciate it. Have a great day, folks.

Oh, look at this happy couple.

Just out to enjoy a little vacation time together.

Maybe it's their honeymoon.

There's a mini-bar, and here you have the master bath.

Sal, just keep bringing extra towels.

Let me give you a couple extra towels.

That's the -- the new hotel, with the -- the circle on top.

"They have great porn over there."

They have some crazy porn options over there if you're interested in that.

Just keep bringing towels.

One last thing -- go in the bathroom and take a shower.

And then just give me one split second here, guys.

Take your pants off, walk out, grab a towel, and then walk back in.

Just one sec. I just want to grab one quick towel.

No, no. I'm just freshening.

She's on the floor, laughing.

It's just a quick refresh. I've been doing a double.

Get out and ask for a tip.

What were you doing in there?

Just -- I've been up and down all day. Quick wash-up.

—So -- that's a tip then? —Yeah

Oh, Excellent. Thank You.

A couple bucks goes a long way with me.

Joe got shortchanged, so he's first up on the loser board.

Hot dog!

Today we are on the streets of New York City, manning this hot-dog cart.

But, as we serve up franks to the public

the other guys will be telling us what to say and do.

If you refuse, you lose.

Then you will be boiled, slathered in relish, and served up on a bun.

Sal looks perfectly at home selling hot dogs.

Right now -- he looks so natural right now.

Sal, see the guy drinking from the fountain?

Oh, Yeah.

Go grab his ass with the tongs.

Oh, come on.

Go grab his ass with the tongs, hurry.

I'm squeezing buns all day. I can't resist.

Can I get you something?

I'll take a Sprite.

—You'll take a Sprite? —Yep.

—Where are you from? —I'm from Germany.

Oh, Germany, All Right.

"Boy, speaking of Germany..."

You know, speaking of Germany...

"...I just found out that I'm related to Hitler."

There it is -- the Hitler joke -- the Hitler joke.

Ah. I just found out today -- today

that I am, uh, related to the Fuehrer there, the... Hitler.

What?

Have a great day, hon.

All right, Sal, make this whole hot dog

and then just launch it into the park.

Throw that hot dog right into the park.

All right, Sal, make this whole hot dog

and then just launch it into the park.

You son of a bitch.

Yes. Yes.

What's up? Hot dog? You want a hot dog?

I get the "hot". Why are they called "dogs"?

What's up? Hot dog? You wa a hot dog?

Why isn't it called a hot pig? Right? Pig's in a blanket. It's pork.

I don't know. You have Google. Ask him.

Ask him? Google is a male?

Well, it knows everything.

What do you want -- two hot dogs?

"What's your name, bud?"

What's your name?

—Mike. —Mike?

We put a marker in between the boxes there.

Label the bun so we know it's Mike's.

That's permanent ink.

—Yell, "Mike!" —Just like you're at a coffee shop.

Mike! Oh, you're Mike?

There you go.

What's going on, champ?

Two with ketchup and mustard.

—Dude, this guy's undercover. —Yeah, he's definitely an undercover cop.

—He's got to tell you if he's a cop. —He's got to tell you, yeah, that's the law.

—Everyone knows that. —Yeah, it's the law.

You know, you got to -- you got to tell me if you're a cop.

"Sounds like something a cop would say."

Saying "I'm Australian. I can't be a cop" sounds exactly like what a cop would say.

Very cautiously try to sell him drugs.

How many grams of mustard do you want?

Colombian? Here you go.

You've taken the special hot dog, the Colombian stuff.

"OK, well, you're under arrest."

You're under arrest, pal.

Welcome to America, scumbag.

$1 hot dogs, $1 hot dogs.

How has he not instagrammed the photo of himself in a hot-dog costume yet?

I can't do anything with -- with this guy without, like

him just taking a stupid photo of him in a stupid pose.

Pull him up on social media.

Yeah, let's pull up some social media.

Murr, you can only talk in your tweets.

Come on, man.

"I juiced the [bleep] out of fruits and vegetables tonight with my brand new juicer.

Suck it, asparagus."

That's what he wrote?!

That's his tweet.

Let me tell you, man.

I juiced the [bleep] out of fruits and veggies last night with my brand new juicer.

Suck it, asparagus, right?

"Quick question for you."

Quick question.

"How do you know if you broke your finger?"

How do you know if you broke your finger?

"#ithinkibrokemyfinger."

#ithinkibrokemyfinger.

I know what you're saying -- why am I doing hashtags in public, right?

Thank you, man. You have a great day.

You [bleep]!

Oh, hi, buddy. Thank you so much for the money. What is this for?

"A pretzel, please"? That's the cutest kid.

"He's a sexy little fella."

Oh, my god. He's such a cute kid. Ohhh, are you serious?

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my god. Guys, no.

Do it.

You wanted one salted pretzel?

You're a sexy little fella, huh?

He said, "thank you a lot, sir."

Enjoy it.

Take the kid's hat and just throw it.

Oh, my god. No, no, no, no. No way.

Da-tong, ta-tong, tong, tong.

—Hello. —Hey, my man.

—Can I get a bottle of water? —Bottle of water? Yep.

—This guy's your millionth customer? —He is.

You're my millionth customer.

—Am I really? —Yes.

Joe, grab the confetti that we hid in the top right of The cart...

...and sling it at this man.

Bottle of water. There you go. Congratulations.

You're the millionth customer.

That guy spit out confetti.

Thank you, sir.

Congratulations. Confetti.

What's up, bud? What can I get you?

"You know what I call a pig in a blanket?"

You know what -- you know what I call a pig in a blanket?

"My wife on a cold day."

Oh, wow! Can't make those jokes anymore.

I can't make those jokes. She watches the show, so...

He's married now.

So I'd rather take that instead of what's going on

because the wrath of that is much worse than anything these guys could think of.

Smart man -- that is a smart man.

They found the Achilles' heel, I think.

We got it!

Most of the other ones haven't found love in a real way.

Joe and Murr couldn't catch up to the other guys.

So they're on the loser board.

Coming up...

What happens when tonight's big loser is forced to face his biggest fear?

Damn, boy! It's a joker showdown -- Sal vs. Murr.

Today, we're competing head-to-head

pitching our brand-new inventions to a focus group.

The catch is our inventions have been created by the other two guys.

The goal is to convince a group that your product is the better of the two.

This group -- by show of hands which invention they like the best.

If your product gets the least amount of votes, you lose.

It's a joker showdown double down.

Hi. How are you guys?

—Pleasure to meet you. I'm Sal Vulcano. —Edward.

These guys just fight about everything.

Come on and have a seat, please.

—Do you think they would be friends if we weren't in the picture. —No!

My product that I'm gonna be talking about today...

...is the 47 hour energy bar.

Finally, right?

And then, the other product, that I'm going to be showing you, is...

They're wireless tin cans. We call these the "cantennas."

Are you like me?

Do you find yourself getting dreary and weary at the 46th hour?

I kept on finding that, around the 46th hour, I would start to get tired.

And I needed something to get me through that.

Wait. This is gonna be the size of it?

That is the size of it.

How much of it do you need to eat to get your...

The whole bar.

If you want all 47 hours, you're gonna have to eat the whole thing.

Say that you need 23.5 hours -- right about there.

Now, you've seen tin cans before that have been joined by string.

So, in the past, you've been limited to the distance that you can communicate with people.

So, for example, you talk into this end while the other person's listening.

And you just, you know -- and it's very --

And then, you can switch, and the other person can listen as you're talking.

You know what I mean? It's very much like that.

They connect into any kind of Wifi system that you've got, too.

Why wouldn't I just use my cellphone?

Hello! Data plan costs! Right?

$10 for my data plan, unlimited.

There is no data plan for these.

This fits right in my pocket.

You know what doesn't fit in your pocket? A 4-pound bar.

It doesn't even fit in your stomach.

This is also extremely heavy. That's -- that's a solid food.

—How would you bring that around? —Extremely heavy for who -- a smurf?

Wow, it's heated in that room.

How many of you would bring the cantennas to market, by show of hands?

So, one.

How many of you guys think an organic, all-natural energy is the way to go?

One, two, three. Thank you very much.

And Murr's out.

Murr couldn't invent his way out of this one

so he's tonight's big loser.

There's a reason we're over here and Murr is over there.

Today, we made this Murray's punishment.

He thinks that we're teaching classes.

Look at that idiot. Look at him over there.

We've been keeping this secret for a long time.

And I can't wait to reveal it.

If you see me on the street and I've looked happy lately...

...it's 'cause of this -- this day.

Today, we're teaming up at Skydive Long Island in Calverton

teaching people how to jump out of planes.

Maybe we're not, Murr.

Maybe it's your punishment.

No, no, no, no. No, it's not! No, no, no, no!

Today, we're teaming up at Skydive Long Island in Calverton

teaching people how to jump out of planes.

Maybe we're not, Murr.

Maybe it's your punishment.

No, no, no, it's not! No, it is not. There's no [bleep] way I'm jumping out of a plane!

No, no, no, no, no! No [bleep] way!

It's not happening. No, no, no, no, no!

So, Murray thought we were coming here to teach classes today...

...but in fact, it's his punishment.

Murray is deathly, deathly afraid of skydiving.

His entire life, saying he will never do it.

I am not jumping -- no way.

He's afraid of heights.

Murray, I drove you here. Where are you going?

I'm not doing it, man. Start the van. I'm going.

Give me the [bleep] keys. I'm not doing it.

This is a joke, right? I'm not doing it.

It's no joke, bro.

Put your suit on and man up, buddy.

This is [bleep] man. What if this goes wrong, guys?

Well, we'll mourn you.

I'm shaking right now.

Wait. Hold on. Holy [bleep] he has a heart.

It's punishment, and you know that -- you have to do It.

When we all made a pact years ago -- that you can't say no to punishments.

If it makes you feel better, we're going up in the plane with you.

But we're just gonna land a different way.

That's all it is, is just this?

You don't tie it in, like, a double knot or something?

I mean, this is just fabric, right? This is just cloth.

It's nylon.

Nylon? This is -- this is nylon, guys.

And in case you're wondering the -- how -- how strong the fabric is, it's nylon.

Let's go, Murr.

Let's go, Murray! Yeah!

There we go.

Guys, we did it -- we get to throw Murray out of a plane.

Only one way out now, Murr.

Taking the express elevator down, buddy.

Guys, I can't do this. I'm gonna lose my [bleep] man.

Are we at -- we have to get -- are we there?

I mean, this is too high. This is way too high.

Why are we still going up?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god! Oh, my god. Oh, my god!

Geronimo!

Aah! Aah! Oh, my god! Aah! ...

That was scary just watching it.

Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh! Oh! Oh, my god!

Did the parachute go up?

Don't drop me, man. Don't drop me.

I'm not gonna fall.

Holy [bleep]. I need three new best friends.

I couldn't have this. Come here. Come here.